I don’t think that men actually get it. I mean, the fastest ways to piss me off is to not act your age and to stab Chivarly in the back in my presence. Yes, a tad bit dramatic… I get it, but I am fed up with it. Why couldn’t I have been born 50 years before my time. I would rather have fought Jim Crow than to squabble with Dumbasses. Trust me, this is not an exaggeration… white man…. call me nigger. I honestly could take that over my own black supposed king calling me bitch.
Where is this stemming from, you ask? So there is this “guy”. I could say sooooooooooo much right now but I am choosing not to as not to set his whole entire village on fire. Fuck burning the bridge, I want to set his future grandkids on fire! He irks the shit out of me in ways that I didnt even know that I could be disturbed. I mean… I have had thoughts of fucking him up. I keep trying to give him a chance because I already know that I am crazy, but there is no helping this fucker in my presence.
So today, I woke up feeling horrible. I was supposed to spend the night at his house (TRUST ME THERE WAS NO SEX GOING ON UNLESS HE RAPED ME!). But, I knew that I would want to come home and get some rest after blogging about The Braxtons and Sinbadso I called and asked if we could reschedule. I was respectable. But as the day went by I started to feel a little bit better…. took meds….and then said I could come over for a little bit but not stay the night. So we are kicking it….. Read the rest of this entry »
As a female who lives in the AIDS/HIV Capital of the U.S.A,Washington, D.C., I am sooooooo big on this topic that you wouldn’t even believe the efforts that I go through to make sure that women understand what they are putting their bodies up for when having sex. I have to be up front ladies… the condom is NOT the man’s responsibility….alone. You, too, need to have two of each size condom ( just in case he should come up short) and you should also have dental dam. If the phrase “dental dam” just made you tilt your head Scooby style, then honey, you need to STOP having sex immediately because you are missing very important elements of sex education and sex preparation.
Yes, I am grown enough to know that everyone is not safe all of the time. Now that we all have admitted to it, what do we plan to do about it? Ladies, how do you plan to protect yourself? As a woman, there have been times when I have gone and gotten tested and found out that my guy had sex with an ex the day I got tested which voided the results he showed me. Or the guy’s wife ( who lived in another state) saw pics of us on Myspace and wanted to know what i was doing with her husband….and I didn’t even know he was married…did I mentioned she lived in another state?! Or being with a guy who reveals that he use to like men. I don’t judge him… but this is information you need to tell me BEFORE we head down this road. So you see, preparing yourself with knowledge about your partner is just as important as if you put a condom in your purse or wallet. You need BOTH to be safe in the game of sex. Nothing is guaranteed. NOTHING!
Using a condom but having oral sex without a dental damn makes about as much sense as you getting gas and pulling off with the tank wide the fuck open. Yes, I’m being a hypocrite…but, as a reformed hypocrite I have seen the errors of my ways and I wanted to step forth and be brave enough to talk about it. So yes, I get tested before EVERY guy I am with. Yes, I only have ONE sexual partner in a 12 month period….NO EXCEPTIONS! This is what I do, but even this is not enough if I don’t know the status of my partner. I need solid proof, like seeing his results or going to get tested with him. So, this is why I am celibate and have been for quite some time. I might set a fire if I cross my legs, but at least I am healthy. HIV NEGATIVE!!!!!!
So, I asked my 200 men the following question:
HIV/AIDS is high in certain communities. How often do you get tested? Have you ever gotten tested BEFORE sex with a person? DO you do the mouth swab or blood test?
And they came back with the following answers.
Prestige “The One And Only”: Every three months, blood test.
Allen Ozark: Yup Tested. Nope, not positive. in fact i have NEVER had any kind of STD … EVER! and i never will! I understand the whole aids / std epidemic, but i just don’t understand the whole aids / std epidemic. a true gentlemen never infects others.
Lateef25: Every six months
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I get tested often, but it’s a requirement with my job to get tested every year. They have always taken my blood. I would not have unprotected sex without knowing the other person’s status.
Aries Brotha: At least one a year. Yes. And it’s a rather moot right now as i’ve decided to reframe from having sex. Just dating.
Kip S: I get tested every year. Yes, I’ve gotten tested before and after sex, typically blood test.
RANDELL the caribbean prince[R]: well i only have one partner at a time. I don’t sleep around but i get tested every six months
K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: I HAVE BEEN TESTED. AIDS FREE. I USE THE SWAB AND I HAVE HAD MY BLOOD TESTED. MOST RECENT TEST WAS LAST YEAR!! JUNE. IMMMM SAFE!!!!! SO LETS GET IT INNN!! LOL
”DUKE” BANNER: YES I ALWAYS GO TO THE DOCTOR EVERY SIX MONTHS. I HAVE RA AND I GO TO MY CARDIOLOGIST I WAS POISON HAD GOT REAL SICK
And then ladies, you have men who respond like this:
Pete E.: not in my community
Yes, he did say that AIDS does not exist in his community. I hit him up and pressed further. He said that no one where he lives has AIDS or HIV and he would know so this doesn’t concern him. I tried to press further but he just wanted to holla at me. Did he really think that he could get my number after a response like that? SIKE!
And you know that now and then you will run into the religious aspect of a question like this. But trust me when I tell you, NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, could have prepared me for this particular religious spin on getting tested for HIV/AIDS:
www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: Never got tested nor will I ever! If God is for me who can be against me? Aids is a curse and Jesus already took that to the cross. I just do my part by not putting myself in the judgement seat by sleeping with every woman in site.
Me: Hello, I thank you for answering my question about getting tested for HIV/AIDS. Your response is very admirable. I just have to ask one question and I hope that you can answer it to help me better understand your response. You said that you have never gotten tested and nor will you ever. SO my questions are: 1. Do you know that in some states, to get married, you are required to take an AIDS test? 2. Are you a virgin or have you ever had sex before? And it was interesting to listen to the song that is on your page as I write this note. Arise-Cherry Pie. Have a blessed evening.
www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: Im not worried about that. Yes I have had sex before,but aids is the last of my concern.
Me: Did you use protection when you did have sex before? Sorry to be personal, I just agree with your original comment on some levels and am bothered by them as a woman on another. So, I am just seeking clarification.
www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent:The difference is I am focused on Jesus and you want to focus on aids, aids is a judgement but people in the Christian world get healed from it everyday. I don’t worry about sickness because I’m not going out sleeping with everyone,or anybody for that matter my past is my past I don’t go digging into it. If there is a church that’s gonna be raptured up who is worried about disease? Jesus nailed disease, sickness, and misery to the cross for everyone,everybody just doesn’t have the same measure of faith. When you don’t tap into faith you don’t know what you truly have access to in Jesus Christ.
Me: Okay, so… I agree with you on some of it. So are you saying that you are refraining from sex until you get married? And you currently do not know your HIV/AIDS status because you are covered in the favor of God?
www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: I’m covered by the blood of Jesus therefore I do know that I don’t have aids,this is not what I think it’s what I know.
Ummmmm…I am sitting here trying to wipe my face clean but I can’t. He did give me permission to post hit Twitter link, so I did get that clearance. Again, I do understand being covered in the blood of the lamb. But you can NOT make me believe that I can walk outside of God’s kingdom to fornicate and then come back in to behave holier than thou and claim the blood in retrospect. Aint no way! You cant expect to be of the world and be covered by that which is not of that world. It doesn’t and will NEVER work that way.
If you behave in the world, you must abide by the rules and laws of that world. Therefore, do not be so afraid to get tested that you run behind the amour of God. I have faith in God to know that I will walk into the testing facility, get tested and be HIV Negative. THAT is how much faith I have. But I am also wise enough to know that if I keep testing God’s patience with my worldly activities that He can use HIV/AIDS to the betterment of His kingdom. So I am not immuned if I dabble in the world while engulfed in lust. It is all or nothing!
So ladies, even the religious dudes can get you hemmed up with something you can’t get rid of. So somewhere between you breaking the headboard and singing in the choir on Sunday, BOTH of you need to get tested. I am not judging you for the contradiction, but I am advising you to not continue the contradiction and hide behind faith. It isn’t wise. Protect yourself.
I’ll never forget sitting at the McDonalds on Alabama Ave SE, D.C. with a coworker when a guy walks up and says, “Hi, my name is Michael. I’m HIV Negative, no kids, own place, and I drive” as he proceeds to pull out his HIV Negative Test results. I COULD HAVE DIED!!! It was hilarious because it was random, but how scary is it that seeing a man with his HIV Negative results was sexy as shit! Have we reached this point? Soon will we need to have hand-held scanners like the BBM coder to see if the person you are talking to was Negative? I hope not, but stuff like this only happens to me. I swear. People… You are NOT Magic. You don’t have his money, nor his insurance. WRAP IT UP! GET TESTED! KNOW YOUR STATUS! GET TESTED TOGETHER!!!! Protect yourself first. And anyone who makes a stink about it… tell them to go dry hump cement.
If I read one more “Don’t Play Games With Your Man, But Fake an Orgasm to Keep Him” self-help book I think that I will crawl in a cave with Osama and start learning his techniques to torture relationship gurus! (ONLY RELATIONSHIP GURUS, people….its just a joke. And to the IT people on my job reading this… JOKE! Like, HAHAHA, funny.)
Believe it or not, a ton of these books, mainly the ones written by men, are the most confusing books in the world! Dont play games, but keep him chasing you. You do know that suggests that I shouldnt be open about the way I feel because he may not be ready for that , therefore play like I am so hard to catch when I am really sitting by the phone watching Real Housewives ignoring his call. One will say keep the cookies in a cookie jar while another will tell you that a man loves intimacy and will not marry you unless he knows what ingredients your cookies are created from. Hmmm.. cant wait to see that on the Food Network. lmao! And my all time favorite source of advice is that you should watch what a man does and not what he says. What kind of schitzo fuckery is that all about? So my man says he’ll be home for dinner at 5pm so I don’t have dinner ready because I need to see what time he actually shows up? My man says he doesn’t love me but he sleeps with me every night so I should stay around based on what he is doing? LMAO!!! I know I joke a lot but My name is NOT Boobisha The Fool. None of that makes sense at all to me. I am trying to wrap my head around it, but it’s just not stretching.
I think that a man’s words should match with his actions. And since no one is perfect, when they don’t match a woman should seek clarification and the lines of communication should be there to ensure that they are on the same note. If they never realign…then it is time to bounce. And yes, I know that nothing in life is ever that simple, but the principle remains the same, either you are or you are not…and there is no in between. This is why the status “Its Complicated” on social networks bother me… negro either you are single or you are not. Sneaking in the bathroom to call your jump off but whispering you love her is a pure contradiction because you should be man enough to say it out loud. YEH, I SAID IT… MAN ENOUGH!!! *wipes nose with back of hand thug style* AND WHAT?!
So, while writing my blog 200 Men Said…. Let a Man be a Man [<~Come Back later for link] I came across a comment by Chub L where he said:
” Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.”
And it hit me….. time to ask my 200 men their opinion. I wanted to know that if their actions were the opposite of what they felt and their words conflicted…. which version of the situation should I pay attention to. So, I asked:
If your words and actions were to contradict each other after an argument, which would you want your girlfriend to pay the MOST attention to? Your Words or your Actions? Why?
Yes, I can admit that this is a loaded, and seemingly unfair question to ask… but life isn’t fair.. lmao. I actually want to see who will fight against the grain and say “both”. I also want to see the reasons they give, if any for picking one over the other. So, after about an hour of asking this question…. the answers started to roll in. And the men said….
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Pay More attention to my actions first then my words. People may just do things without an understanding of saying to them or having it be felt rather than heard!
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I just think you should put more effort in making the two meet… If you say for example that you love some… your actions should show that and if they don’t you should work at it, not just expect someone to accept that they don’t…
DSMILEY1 : My words; because communication is the key
Lateef25: A combination
Vince V: If this was something that happened between my girl and I, I would want her to point this out so we could straighten out the situation. Because I like to back up my words with my actions so she can trust everything i tell her and i can stay true to being a man of my word.
James F: I want her to pay attention to both;words and actions. Both mean something
…….: Neither,why would you take someone confused seriously?
rroyallty: They won’t contradict. When I say what I have to say my actions will follow. There is no in between. She needs to follow both cuz they will be in unison
Code Name Bigsexy: Both, because if I do something other than what I say there should be a problem.You got to talk the talk and walk the walk
MR. LOVING: Now if they were to contradict then it would be up to her.
James M: If they contradicted..pay the most to actions because actions don’t lie.
CHRIST-O: MY ACTIONS, A MOUTH CAN SAY ANYTHING
Aries Brotha: My actions. I’m one of those guys that when I’ve lost my cool. I can’t convey what I wanna say. So it’s best to read my body language, and adjust yourself accordingly. More times than not I’ll just shut down and just sit there while they talk.
And my FAVORITE response came from my residential comedian:
Chub L: my words. I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, but please be gutsy and work with both – women are famous for multi-tasking. Multi-task that.
So, after a few examples, it is nice to see that my previous prediction held true. Majority of the men said both because their words and their actions should be in alignment. So i was validated in some way. A man’s words and his actions should be in accord with one another majority of the time. But as we all know, no one is perfect. A man will act out should his pride or emotions come in jeopardy and those actions may be in total conflict with what it is that he actually means. This is a defense mechanism. You’ve seen it. The guy standing on the block with his boys, sees a fine woman and she turns him down and he immediately yells, “I didn’t want your ugly ass any way.” We all know that he did and that the girl wasnt ugly…. but those actions didn’t match with how he really felt. So, what do you do with his words and his actions are in contradiction with one another?
Some say listen to my words, while others say watch my actions, but who do we believe? People can do anything and say just about anything. I think it then becomes time for the woman to live in reality and not fantasy. What has his track record shown you? Has he kept his promises ( which, oddly enough, takes action after speaking words)? Has his actions been that of respect and integrity? And do you want a person who says things but doesn’t follow through? Or do you want a guy who never says the right things but puts things into action? Like “…….” said, why do you want to deal with such confusion? That coming from a man. It is up to you as to which to believe, or listen to more, and you have to live with the choices you make. But Like Aries Brother said, sometimes he cant say what it is that he feels but he may be open to showing you. So ladies you must be open to looking for visual communication as well. Every man will not be the best communicator and you have to adapt to that as well. Every man is very different so what worked with the last man may not work with this man. But my 200 men have proven that a real man will seldom contradict himself. If he says he loves you, then he will show it. If he shows that he loves you…..be patient, he will eventually say it.
A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. So, I thought of this question in early January and it has been sitting idly by in my blog cue for weeks. And then today I was sitting in my office listening to Pandora when India Arie‘s Talk to Her graced my headphones. [ To Read my blog about the lyrics, Click Here~> Lyrically Speaking:India Arie~Talk to Her]
It has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.
As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.
How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.
So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:
When choosing words to converse with a woman, have you ever said anything that you wouldn’t want said to you mother or your sister? If so, why did you say it to this woman? Send me a note for longer answers or clarification.
And their final answers were:
James F: the way i talk to other women and my mom is totally different…i mean im sure my mom has already heard some wild crazy things in her life so nah i dont even look at it like that…i say whatever i wanna say to women…she’s a woman she knows some of these b*tches and h*es aint sh*t….she tells me to beware of these lying ass scandalous b*tches she knows how some females can be
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I have never talked to any woman in a derogatory way……Its not my style. I was raised by Single Mom, GrandMa, Aunties, Cousins and Sisters.
Sincere: never, because i have a mother, sister, and daughter
”DUKE” BANNER: i must say, i have never disrespected my queen. i had a mother, i have a sister, niece ,even female cousins, you are my queen. never, no less, just like a queen. my conversation tells her how good she looks, how beautiful she is, what she means to me
Tony Raymond **Thank El Grego**: Yes, i have and just because she is a woman doesn’t mean i am speaking to my mother. I am speaking to that person not to the whole sex class nor would i use different words for specific groups. I know you females are made from a different cloth than everything on the earth but that doesn’t eliminate you from being told of ones feels or espressions. We all are created equal as we all deserve the same thing, spoke to the same way when warranted (doesn’t mean disrespectful) and treated like the person whom you are to me. I am speaking from a biblical point of view because i don’t do the Human point of view since its proven we can’t govern ourselves correctly.
K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: I AM A MASTER WITH WORDS, I JUST KNOW WHEN TO SAY AND LET MY ACTION SPEAK EVEN LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Esau M: i watch what i say because what u say can effect the outcome of a lot of things
James M: Yes, I have said things to a woman that I wouldn’t want said to my mother. They weren’t negative things but things said during sex or in intimate situations.
Lateef25: yeah, mostly about sex in the heat of the moment
Boss: NO, never
Hit me up on facebook-Uriel B: one time when I was talking with my home girl, I slipped and called my her a female dog but I apologized and told her that I didn’t mean to call her that
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: nah, i never did..but there r no words that shouldnt b said to certain ppl..now there r words that shouldnt b said by certain ppl..like im sure my Mom could b a bitch..but would i call her one..no!
RANDELL the caribbean prince[R]: no, because i watch wat i say
djmel1: yes, i have. no comment. the game is to be sold not to be told.
Code Name Bigsexy: well first off, you dont want to sleep with your mother. but if it works for the woman you talkin to then??
Delonte M: I simply talk to my female peers and my mother different because one is my female peer and one is my mother. However, It’s not in me to disrespect female peers that I respect. I’m not rude to women unless they deserve it.
rroyallty: im sure I have said some harsh things and hurt some feelings in the past. No one is perfect. But as I have matured, I have learned from my mistakes and improve on the present and future
Dezi: Yes, I have.
BIG SEKZI: nope
Sybree B: no, i dont disrespect the women in my family and i would advise the next man not to either.
…….: lol nothing wrong with a little talking dirty after dark.Nobody wants to ever envision there mother or sister hearing that kind of content.
Okay… so let me make myself clear, based on reading these comments. It is okay to talk differently to your woman in the privacy of your bedroom when it comes to talking dirty. Of course, we are not into the whole Oedipus complex…we must separate that part from our parents. But any other time when speaking to a person of the opposite sex do you show them the same respect that you would want shown to the women in your family?
I keep seeing a lot of my 200 men post that a woman needs to let a man be a man, and then when asked what that means, the man things that come up are for him to be a provider and a protector. If you are a man, you will provide and protect for every female that you come in contact with until she shows you that she is unworthy and then you stop and move on. Women are told all of the time to not brig baggage….men too have to learn to leave their baggage with the last woman who misused their chivalry and renew it with every new face that crosses their path. It is a cycle, you disrespect a sister of a guy who may one day date your sister and disrespect her and then children are born who watch disrespect being passed before them. Seems far-fetched but it isn’t. It is already happening.
Using James F’s comment from above, his mother knows that these bitches aint shit so he can talk to us ay kind of way, right ( speculating)? This is the frame of mind that is running rampid in our communities and the good women are getting hit with these bullets like a drive-by shooter with bad aim. This is erroneous behavior; no disrespect to his mother or her methods of raising her son. No, there are SOME women who are bitches that aint shit, just like SOME men are dogs. I was taught, put on your best behavior until other behavior is warranted. Meaning, instead of introducing yourself as an ass….treat this person with the utmost respect until they disrespect you. Then, and only then, should you have the CHOICE to be disrespectful back, but even then you have the opportunity to remain respectful and walk away leaving them in their ignorance. I am a strong believer that a MAN remains a man at all times, just as a WOMAN will remain a woman at all times. No one, and I mean no one but you should have the power to make you come out of the pocket of your character.
If this is your behavior… there is time and room to mature. The more respect that you put into the universe is the same amount that you will get back in return. This life we were given is a journey of learning. It is a HUGE goal of mine to get every guy to understand the meaning behind what he broadcasts about himself into the world. There are enough social programs and bitter women to take care of the girls… I think I am the Man Whisperer. I get why some of the behavior occurs, but want to help them to present the best THEM that there is to present. One guy wanting to be a man at a time.
Sitting peacefully in my office, supposedly being productive when Pandora hits me with the gift of Neo-Soul‘s Past; India Arie‘s Talk to Her. I could have jumped up and belted this entire song out loud in my office without caring what anyone thought of me. Yes, this song spoke to my soul and I was prepared to be escorted out of the building by Federal Police. This was truly worth it. I immediately searched for the mp3 on the internet and placed it on repeat. I have a feeling that this CD will be played when I get home and immediately placed on my mp3 player.
Why the excitement? Well… its India Arie! I can remember how I was first introduced to her and I became hooked and have bought every CD since. Not the iTunes….no, the CD!! I just have faith that every time I buy an India Arie project I will be able to listen to it from start to finish without complaint and that faith is bigger than a mustard seed. And I have to tell you, I have NEVER been disappointed. EVERY project is my favorite. SO much so, I had to stay away from her when she came to Busboys and Poets in DC because I didn’t want to hug her and get arrested like a crazed groupie. I was more than that… I was a supporter. Yes, ever since the day my little hippie friend Erin and her dark brown hair and glasses told me to listen to Brown Skin, I was hooked. Of course I wanted to know what a little white girl knew about Brown Skin, but she told me that her friend in Atlanta heard her and she wondered if I knew. Well… I didn’t and I felt excited that she had told me.
The very first time that I heard this song I pictured that India Arie was a teacher in a class and the students were all teen black males & females. This song would be the lesson of the day. Essence and Vibe magazines would be the text books on every desk. Lyrics to the song would be written on the board, college lecture style. It would be a modern-day Lean on Me. Yes, I can picture it….or something like it. What if…..
The video would start off with India Arie walking down a row of desks placing the last of the “text books” on the individual desk in preparation for the arrival of the students back from lunch and/or recess. While singing she places the last book and then walks to write the topic “Talk to Her” on the chalkboard. A disagreement between a boy and his girlfriend comes into the shot and India walks over to the window.
Chorus:
When you talk to her talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to you mama Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart with her Just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
When she gets to the window and raises the window up even higher and sticks her head outside. The girlfriend storms away crying and India grabs the arm of the boy and sings the first verse to him.
Verse 1 Now when you got to her speak truthfully Be honest as you can be, from your heart You’re in a situation, where ya losing patience Take your time and look her in the eye When you just can’t find the words you want And it’s hard to reach the point Where you both can understand Don’t just tell the truth But,Tell the whole truth It’ll make a better man outta you
She gently touches his face and closes the window. Then in the background you see girls jumping rope and they become the background singers for this part. The guy apologizes and they make up. The Bell rings and everyone heads into the school towards the end of the chorus.
Chorus:
When you talk to her, talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to your mama Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart With her just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
Scene switches to India Arie walking down the school halls. Girls wearing short skirts can be seen with guys whistling and attempting to pull up their dresses. India jumps in to correct the situation….. Words are spoken to both the boys and the girls to prove her point.
Verse 2:
It doesn’t matter if she’s wearin A mini skirt or a business suit Whether she’s 25 or 99 Treat her the way your mama taught you to She could be the Queen of Sheba She could be a school teacher Home maker or a lawyer I think it’s good for your Karma If when ya talk to her…
Female teachers open class doors to join in ask the chorus is being sung. They usher the students into the classrooms leaving India in the halls by herself.
Chorus:
When you talk to her, talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to your mama Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart With her just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
India can be seen walking past a boys’ and girl’s restroom and them comes to a stop underneath a clock with hands that are speeding up the time of day and to suggest that times are changing. She continues to walk towards the auditorium.
Verse 3 Now let’s keep it real Nothing in this world could ever exist Without it’s opposite There has to be a sun and moon A man and a woman And that’s just the way it is Humanity’s lop sided And everyone’s fightin’ How do we restore the peace Mother earth is hurtin’ And everyone is searchin’ For the feminine energy
The doors of the auditorium open to the students being adult men and women. India goes and takes her place standing in her place as a teacher, much like that scene in Lean On Me where the teachers stood in the isle. She has an envelope in hand.
Chorus:
When you talk to her talk to her Like you want somebody else to talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah) Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart With her just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
The camera would pan over the “students” matching each line of the Vamp. A brother stands up to fight when a guy says something to his sister, you see usual teen behavior at an assembly; paper throwing, joking, etc.
Vamp
When you talk to her talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to your mama Just like you fight for your sister If you knew that somebody dissed her How you gonna care for your daughter Turn around and talk bad about her mama Same way you listen to your auntie Never interrupt while she speaks Make your words sweet like candy As if you were talking to your granny yeah
The male principal is on stage speaking as he looks up and locks eyes with India. He smiles, continues the speech to the “students”. This would even be an amazing time to have cameos from the Lean On Me cast…lol
If you really love her then (say so) If you really need her then (say so) Love the way she thinks (say so) You love the way she speaks (say so) When you need some good conversation (say so) Say so (say so) If you want her in your life (say so) You want her to be your wife (say so) Tell her she’s your best friend (say so) (alright) You’ll be there to the end (alright)(say so)
Camera pans in on India looking at the envelope in her hand which is suggested to have been a resignation letter and she tears it in half. Principal dismisses the students and seen goes to everyone filing out of the auditorium and leaving the school building. One of the other female teachers playfully hits her as she walks to the curb.
If you’re thinking about leaving (say so) If you wonder where she’s going (say so) If you need to breathe with her (say so) You just want to be with her (say so) If you love her hair (say so) If you want her there (say so) Tell me if you really want her (say so) You wanna slap her down (say so) Say so… (You better not hit no woman, you done bumped yo’ head) If you feel like loving (say so) If you wanna feel the hugging (say so)
A car pulls up and in the driver seat is a man who she leans in and kisses on the cheek and the car pulls off.
Yeh…. that’s exactly how I pictured it. But who am I…. just a borderline obsessed fan.. and I mean that in the MOST respectful, “no restraining order needed” kind of way. I think that India, in all of her beauty, both vocally and physically would make my vision so beautiful. But she needs no help in that department. I pray she is as strong and direct and humble as I perceive her to be. I see God in her….And that is all that I have to say about that. Enjoy!
P.S.~ Check out my other post called 200 Men Said…. Oedipus’ Words. It is apart of my 200 Men Said…. series where I asked the men if they’ve ever said something to a woman that they wouldn’t want anyone to say to their mother. The answers will surprise you.
Welcome back….. I see that you just cant get enough of us. Trust me, we cant either! lol
Our second question of the series comes from another Twitter follower who asks:
“Where do you draw the line with flirting?”
Ooooh, pick me! Pick me!!! I know the answer to this one!!!
BREAK!
Okay, much like anything in life… there is not a steadfast rule for this one. I can’t tell if you are asking as a single person or as a person in a relationship….I cant even remember if you are male or female…so I will treat this question as if you are a shemale in an open relationship. Deal? Deal.
No matter your gender, you first have to check in with your insecurities. If your insecurities are not in check, nothing that will follow will make any sense and will not prove productive. If you think you are ugly, then you are. If you think you are fat, then you are. Dont get mad at me.. you said it first….to yourself. Once you have all in order and your confidence is raised in market value… then you can begin to assess your true limitations. If you know that you are the shit then your man or woman can flirt for days and that nonsense wont even bother you.
Ladies, it is not a sign of disrespect, most men play this childish ass game just to see how far they can push you, make you jealous, and come up out the pocket to fulfill their fantasy of girl-on-girl fighting action. Dont feed into it. Let his actions starve to death in diuretic challenge between Ashley Olsen and the old Courtney Love. Men love confidence, but they hate nothing more than to feel that a woman can do without them. I think they were created to battle for our attention. But I digress. Getting upset while he tries out his latest moves on some chickenhead will only show your hand and cause you to renig on the strong and independent woman that he fell for in the first place. Let him flirt, then you smile on the inside at the Joker, Joker and throw up the Duece, Duece at his sorry attempt to make you come up out the pocket. But all bets are off if he turns things sensual and/or sexual. BEAT A NEGRO’S ASS like he turned Republican and tried to bring Jeb Bush into the White House. So, for women in relationships.. you have to set the standards of what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship early on. Have a talk about it logically and NOT emotionally. Once the rules are in place that work for you both then and ONLY then do you have the right to be upset. After that, DO YOU BOO, flirt until you pass out, in your own bed, alone, without the aid of date rape drugs. Flirting for us can be a game as well, guys don’t know that majority of the time we just want their attention for the moment. Draw the lines at anything sensual…because sensual to a guy equates to sexual. I have no clue why God missed that programming chip in their design, but it is what it is. If you don’t want him to touch you, kiss you, pull you close, or sleep with you… DUH! Dont do it to him. Done!
Fellas, when your girl starts to flirt…. that is a dead ass sign that someone, OKAY YOU!!!!, are not handling business at home. Women are loyal by nature (okay we do have a few model defects ie. Hoochies, hoes, hood rats, ya mama…etc) and it takes a lot for us to take our eyes of the one object of our affection. This is where you need not get mad, but reevaluate your home situation and actually listen to what it is that she is telling you she needs. But be aware that females have levels of flirting. Sometimes she just wants to feel pretty, wants to have a guy tell her that whoever has her is a lucky man….you know, the things you should be telling her. But once a woman flirts and comes home and doesn’t communicate with you, trust me, you need to call your mama and tell her to dust off your old bunk bed because you have already lost your placement in that relationship and in the happy home. And while you flirt, keep in mind that you shouldnt do anything that you wouldn’t want your woman to do. And since the male ego is often times more fragile than a woman’s….you’ll do far less than she would..lol.
In conclusion, I say all flirting is healthy if you are not married. The world is full of people who will entice us, and yes, a little self-control is needed but flirting is healthy for self-image. So, set up the rules of safety if you are single, and set up rules of engagement if you are in a relationship and everyone should have nothing to fight about. And scene.
~2Deep
The woman has spoken. Man…..what sayest thou?
I swear I have been wanting to answer a question like this for quite a bit of time. Had you asked me three years ago about flirting, I would have said, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game, son.” People get older, people get wiser, and the ish just got real in here! It’s about to go down!
It was all good just a week ago, when you met that girl and y’all kicked it and everything was wonderful. She was into you and you were into her, but where did everything go wrong, huh (Juvenile voice in his Cash Money days)! Flirting is only bad in two instances; the first one is when you are in a committed relationship and you going hard in the paint like your name is (Insert First Name) Flocka Flame. Why you flirting and you committed man? Same goes to her lil fine butt? The other instance is when one person has more feelings than the other. This problem is not even really a problem—you need to check yo self before you wreck yo self fool! She OR he can do whatever they please, you’re nobodies’ parents out this joint. I used to have problems with that flirting ish, me doing it and seeing my potential mate do it. But YO! I’m a man (Muddy Waters voice)! No reason to sit around with that jealousy trait, that’s female ish! Don’t sit around feeling bad for yourself, swipe that dirt off your shoulders.
In all reality though, I am indifferent about this topic, the man in me says flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt. Its natural, keep your skills honed because women are finicky man! They tend to straddle the fence and you don’t even know they are doing so. Until they say those dreaded words, “We need to talk…” You’re prolly screaming inside, “Fuuuuuucccckkkkk.” So now your relationship is over, you’ve just been thrown to the wolves and yo ass forgot how to hunt! You’re going to go without eating for at least a few months, but that’s not even the end all be all. You’re not going to eat GOODT for at least another few months. But then, you got your SCHWAGGG back and now, you’re eating good! Enjoying the fruit of your labor! That makes me say flirt all you want, just make sure you, throw the numbers away, don’t be an infidel, and keep your woman’s sixth sense in mind.
Now for what I do, I get hit on EVERYDAY but hunting for me is like riding a bike, I’m never going to forget. So, I shut chicken heads down! “Nawh, I’m dating someone, I’m good,” is my response—I don’t know if she does that, but I am only speaking for myself. I shut them down down down (Drake voice). If anybody is going to mess up, it’s going to be on my own merit and not because I was being an infidel! She’s not gonna hate on the kid because he was running around town with three or four women trying to be Bill Bellamy in “How to be a Player.” I devote all my attention to one woman, the woman I am talking to…does she deserve it? I think yes, but you have to know that feelings change and people do as well, they just forget to tell the person they are talking to. Keep your flirting limited and at all possible, don’t even do it at all. Why tempt yourself into getting that “strange?” Strange is defined as unknown pussy and/or but not limited to head from the female counterpart that you just met.
This message was finance by Deep Kamasutra and I, Kamasutra endorse this message! If you have anymore questions (two barks) get at me dawg! (DMX voice)
~Kamasutra
VERDICT: IF YOU ARE SINGLE… FLIRT & MINGLE *bangs gavel*
Algebra Blessett singing so soulful in my headphones, professing that she “thinks” she loves someone….it makes me think of him. Yes, him… the very him that has had my heart since the day that I met him; Mr. GI3. Him… the him who was a Tuskegee University engineering student who had this masculine presence with a quiet force about him, the same man who has managed to tame the shrew and heal the wounded bird in me. And I think saying it out loud will solidify it for me…. maybe then I can move on.
We’ve been friends for quite some time And now I see you differently
There’s a cloudy picture that’s becoming clearer to me
I hesitate to tell you how I feel cuz I Don’t want you to be afraid And I dont want to make a mistake being too shy to say
I think I love you and I dont ever wanna let you go I think I need you in ways that I am unable to show
I think I love you and I want everybody that we know to know
Just how you make me feel….. just how you make me feel
You make it so frustrating cuz you’re so spoiled like me
Then it drives me insane when we agree to disagree
When my words don’t come together to make much sense You recite the perfect sentence to put my mind at ease, you see
I think I love you and I dont ever wanna let you go I think I need you in ways that I am unable to show I think I love you and I want everybody that we know to know
Just how you make me feel ……just how you make me feel
Time and time again I’m trying to convince
To myself that what I’m feeling it does make sense to me
Sometimes it’s difficult for me….(difficulty)
Like when days are here to stay and you bringing me my smile
But tomorrow comes around and some how you let me down Its confusing…. (its confusing) baby you’re driving me crazy
I think I love you and I don’t ever wanna let you go
I think I need you in ways that I am unable to show
I think I love you and I want everybody that we know to know How you make me feel…… just how you make me feel
I think…I think I love you I think …i think I need you
This is how you make me feel
~*Algebra Blessett
There is no “thinking” of whether or not I love him; I do. I do love. I do love ……him. He is in so many ways everything that I “think” I want in a man. He makes me laugh, he listens when I cry, he calls me on my BS and he is the only man who can put me in check without getting cussed out. lol. That is so sexy…lol. He is witty, he is highly intelligent, he is giving, he is caring, he is genuine, he can calm me down with just a few words and can make me see things clearly with just a few more words. And yes, the body captivates both my eyes & other anatomical parts (BACK UP LADIES>>> I WILL CUT FOR THIS ONE!!!!) and his voice makes Barry White sound like a soprano…..but nothing grabs my attention more than the tiny glimpses of himself that he allows me to be a part of. I cherish those moments.
He is a very private individual…and strangely, I know very little about him. Well, I know not too much more about him now than I did 6 years ago. That could be a plus or a minus, but I take it at face value…..it adds to the mystery of him and though I try to tell myself, “Girl, he just isn’t that into you” , I can’t break myself from how he directly or indirectly makes me feel.
No matter how upset with him I get ( like not talking to him for 2 years) I still feel connected to him, still feel wrapped up in my thoughts of him….and I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t even think that there is anything that I could do about it. Like how he says things when he thinks I am not listening, or says them swiftly and moves on to the next topic….. I just want to say “Negro, I heard you. ” But I don’t say a word. I think he knows that I heard him and that was the only way that he could tell me. (Yes, I know I sound psycho or as if I am making excuses… but try living it.. its even more confusing.) And though I know that his bad out numbers the good at times, the good outweighs and overpowers the bad….I have NO clue how that works, but it does. Or at least it makes sense to me. He’s not perfect by any stretch of imagination, but from what I know and a perception of what I dont….he is amazingly great. Even the memories of him are great.
Like, how I went to Minnesota one summer and the devil rose up and caused some situations to cause me to almost be homeless over 1,000 miles away from Alabama…..he managed to be there for me. Well, I opened up an email once I was safe and there he was telling me to give him a call immediately. So I did. He was concerned. He was more concerned than my family had been….at least he was looking for me. And much to my surprise, he was in Minnesota too!!! We met up at his apartment and that was when I introduced him to the Tyler Perry stage plays as we sat back, laughed and watched the movies…and I just felt like he cared. Or what about the time I got mad at him and stopped talking to him for MONTHS and he still managed to show up for my graduation from undergrad saying, “he wouldn’t miss it for the world.” That made me feel like such a princess…..and he was my prince. And Lord knows that I simply miss the kisses on the forehead that he use to give me when I would visit him on his campus. Great times…..*sigh*
I know most of you are not used to me being this mushy… because I don’t do mushy…but I don’t do love poems because I can’t have him.
I had hoped that maybe one day over the past few years something would have made both sides emotionally mutual…but I don’t think that is the case. I asked him a question and received a very honest answer. It wasnt bad by any stretch of the imagination…it was genuine and I loved that about him. But at the same time it was a bitter-sweet feeling. I would have to only be his friend from here unto eternity in order to spare my heart.
It hurts genuinely loving someone and not hearing it back. To feel as if you are possibly fantasizing something that may not even exist. It hurts to think that the other person may not trust you with their heart enough…when the only thing you want to do is to guard and protect it. It hurts to know that no amount of professing your love will ever change this person’s mind….that the stubbornness that you find so attractive is the very stubbornness that would provoke you to move on.
My aunt once told me that the worse thing a woman could do is to sit around waiting for a man to make up his mind about her. I’m soooo guilty of this, to a certain extent. But dang it…. he is the exception to all of my rules. I don’t know why, but he just is. He’s the ONLY guy who I truly accept both his good and his bad, the times he ticks me off to no end, and anything that comes with him. But I understand that I have to go live my life… I love him just that much that I can let him go. Weird, right?
I want him to be able to go about his own pace, to find whomever he feels would make him happy. That doesn’t hurt to even say that….it would taint how I really feel if I were to ever be jealous. But then again… I’m speaking as if I ever had him….lol. But you catch my drift. This guy is genuinely special and just as special to me. So, yeh… there is no thinking…. I really Love him. And I thank him for allowing me to be comfortable enough to express that love to him. I will take those lessons as I move forward in life and I wont let fear hold me back from loving someone else any more.
Sitting peacefully in my office, supposedly being productive when Pandora hits me with the gift of 
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 
2Deep, aunt, bad, baffled, Behavior, bitch, blog, boy, boyfriend, broadcast, brothers, chivalry, choice, comments, community, concern, conversation, converse, cousin, cycle, cyclical, dating, daughter, differece, disconnect, disrespect, family, Female, fiacee, Fiance, gentleman, Girl, girlfriend, good, grandmother, Hoe, husband, India Arie, intimacy, intimate, It Takes a Village, learn, like, male, man, Marriage, morals, mother, Oedipus, OEdipus Rex, parenting, partner, People, postaday2011, protect, provide, raised, regard, relate, relationship, respect, responsibility, self-esteem, self-respect, Sibling, sister, speaking, spouse, Talk To Her, talking, taught, the poetess, upbringing, Village, Woman, words, writing, youth
200 Men Said…..Oedipus’s Words
In 200 Men Said.... on 8 February 2011 at 12:00 amIt has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.
As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.
How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.
So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:
And their final answers were:
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