200 Men Said…..Oedipus’s Words

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. So, I thought of this question in early January and it has been sitting idly by in my blog cue for weeks. And then today I was sitting in my office listening to Pandora when India Arie‘s Talk to Her graced my headphones. [ To Read my blog about the lyrics, Click Here~> Lyrically Speaking:India Arie~Talk to Her]

        It has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.

        As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.

        How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.

        So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:

When choosing words to converse with a woman, have you ever said anything that you wouldn’t want said to you mother or your sister? If so, why did you say it to this woman? Send me a note for longer answers or clarification.

  

And their final answers were:

• James F:  the way i talk to other women and my mom is totally different…i mean im sure my mom has already heard some wild crazy things in her life so nah i dont even look at it like that…i say whatever i wanna say to women…she’s a woman she knows some of these b*tches and h*es aint sh*t….she tells me to beware of these lying ass scandalous b*tches she knows how some females can be
• *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I have never talked to any woman in a derogatory way……Its not my style. I was raised by Single Mom, GrandMa, Aunties, Cousins and Sisters.
•  Sincere:  never, because i have a mother, sister, and daughter
•  ”DUKE” BANNER: i must say, i have never disrespected my queen. i had a mother, i have a sister, niece ,even female cousins, you are my queen. never, no less, just like a queen. my conversation tells her how good she looks, how beautiful she is, what she means to me
• Tony Raymond **Thank El Grego**: Yes, i have and just because she is a woman doesn’t mean i am speaking to my mother. I am speaking to that person not to the whole sex class nor would i use different words for specific groups. I know you females are made from a different cloth than everything on the earth but that doesn’t eliminate you from being told of ones feels or espressions. We all are created equal as we all deserve the same thing, spoke to the same way when warranted (doesn’t mean disrespectful) and treated like the person whom you are to me. I am speaking from a biblical point of view because i don’t do the Human point of view since its proven we can’t govern ourselves correctly.
• K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: I AM A MASTER WITH WORDS, I JUST KNOW WHEN TO SAY AND LET MY ACTION SPEAK EVEN LOUDER THAN WORDS!
• Esau M: i watch what i say because what u say can effect the outcome of a lot of things
• James M: Yes, I have said things to a woman that I wouldn’t want said to my mother. They weren’t negative things but things said during sex or in intimate situations.
• Lateef25: yeah, mostly about sex in the heat of the moment
• Boss: NO, never
• Hit me up on facebook-Uriel B:   one time when I was talking with my home girl, I slipped and called my her a female dog but I apologized and told her that I didn’t mean to call her that
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi:   nah, i never did..but there r no words that shouldnt b said to certain ppl..now there r words that shouldnt b said by certain ppl..like im sure my Mom could b a bitch..but would i call her one..no!
• RANDELL the caribbean prince[R]:  no, because i watch wat i say
• djmel1:  yes, i have. no comment. the game is to be sold not to be told.
• Code Name Bigsexy: well first off, you dont want to sleep with your mother. but if it works for the woman you talkin to then??
• Delonte M: I simply talk to my female peers and my mother different because one is my female peer and one is my mother. However, It’s not in me to disrespect female peers that I respect. I’m not rude to women unless they deserve it.
• rroyallty:  im sure I have said some harsh things and hurt some feelings in the past. No one is perfect. But as I have matured, I have learned from my mistakes and improve on the present and future
• Dezi: Yes, I have.
• BIG SEKZI: nope
• Sybree B:  no, i dont disrespect the women in my family and i would advise the next man not to either.
•  …….:  lol nothing wrong with a little talking dirty after dark.Nobody wants to ever envision there mother or sister hearing that kind of content.

 

        Okay… so let me make myself clear, based on reading these comments. It is okay to talk differently to your woman in the privacy of your bedroom when it comes to talking dirty. Of course, we are not into the whole Oedipus complex…we must separate that part from our parents. But any other time when speaking to a person of the opposite sex do you show them the same respect that you would want shown to the women in your family?

 

        I keep seeing a lot of my 200 men post that a woman needs to let a man be a man, and then when asked what that means, the man things that come up are for him to be a provider and a protector. If you are a man, you will provide and protect for every female that you come in contact with until she shows you that she is unworthy and then you stop and move on. Women are told all of the time to not brig baggage….men too have to learn to leave their baggage with the last woman who misused their chivalry and renew it with every new face that crosses their path. It is a cycle, you disrespect a sister of a guy who may one day date your sister and disrespect her and then children are born who watch disrespect being passed before them. Seems far-fetched but it isn’t. It is already happening.

 

        Using James F’s comment from above, his mother knows that these bitches aint shit so he can talk to us ay kind of way, right ( speculating)? This is the frame of mind that is running rampid in our communities and the good women are getting hit with these bullets like a drive-by shooter with bad aim. This is erroneous behavior; no disrespect to his mother or her methods of raising her son. No, there are SOME women who are bitches that aint shit, just like SOME men are dogs. I was taught, put on your best behavior until other behavior is warranted. Meaning, instead of introducing yourself as an ass….treat this person with the utmost respect until they disrespect you. Then, and only then, should you have the CHOICE to be disrespectful back, but even then you have the opportunity to remain respectful and walk away leaving them in their ignorance.  I am a strong believer that a MAN remains a man at all times, just as a WOMAN will remain a woman at all times. No one, and I mean no one but you should have the power to make you come out of the pocket of your character.

 

        If this is your behavior… there is time and room to mature. The more respect that you put into the universe is the same amount that you will get back in return. This life we were given is a journey of learning. It is a HUGE goal of mine to get every guy to understand the meaning behind what he broadcasts about himself into the world. There are enough social programs and bitter women to take care of the girls… I think I am the Man Whisperer. I get why some of the behavior occurs, but want to help them to present the best THEM that there is to present. One guy wanting to be a man at a time.

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

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Lyrically Speaking: India Arie~Talk to Her

        Sitting peacefully in my office, supposedly being productive when Pandora hits me with the gift of Neo-Soul‘s Past; India Arie‘s Talk to Her. I could have jumped up and belted this entire song out loud in my office without caring what anyone thought of me. Yes, this song spoke to my soul and I was prepared to be escorted out of the building by Federal Police. This was truly worth it. I immediately searched for the mp3 on the internet and placed it on repeat. I have a feeling that this CD will be played when I get home and immediately placed on my mp3 player.

        Why the excitement? Well… its India Arie! I can remember how I was first introduced to her and I became hooked and have bought every CD since. Not the iTunes….no, the CD!! I just have faith that every time I buy an India Arie project I will be able to listen to it from start to finish without complaint and that faith is bigger than a mustard seed. And I have to tell you, I have NEVER been disappointed. EVERY project is my favorite. SO much so, I had to stay away from her when she came to Busboys and Poets in DC because I didn’t want to hug her and get arrested like a crazed groupie. I was more than that… I was a supporter. Yes, ever since the day my little hippie friend Erin and her dark brown hair and glasses told me to listen to Brown Skin, I was hooked. Of course I wanted to know what a little white girl knew about Brown Skin, but she told me that her friend in Atlanta heard her and she wondered if I knew. Well… I didn’t and I felt excited that she had told me.

        The very first time that I heard this song I pictured that India Arie was a teacher in a class and the students were all teen black males & females. This song would be the lesson of the day. Essence and Vibe magazines would be the text books on every desk. Lyrics to the song would be written on the board, college lecture style. It would be a modern-day Lean on Me. Yes, I can picture it….or something like it. What if…..

        The video would start off with India Arie walking down a row of desks placing the last of the “text books” on the individual desk  in preparation for the arrival of the students back from lunch and/or recess. While singing she places the last book and then walks to write the topic “Talk to Her” on the chalkboard. A disagreement between a boy and his girlfriend comes into the shot and India walks over to the window.

Chorus:

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to you mama
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        When she gets to the window and raises the window up even higher and sticks her head outside. The girlfriend storms away crying and India grabs the arm of the boy and sings the first verse to him.

Verse 1
Now when you got to her speak truthfully
Be honest as you can be, from your heart
You’re in a situation, where ya losing patience
Take your time and look her in the eye
When you just can’t find the words you want
And it’s hard to reach the point
Where you both can understand
Don’t just tell the truth
But,Tell the whole truth
It’ll make a better man outta you

        She gently touches his face and closes the window. Then in the background you see girls jumping rope and they become the background singers for this part. The guy apologizes and they make up.  The Bell rings and everyone heads into the school towards the end of the chorus.

Chorus:

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        Scene switches to India Arie walking down the school halls. Girls wearing short skirts can be seen with guys whistling and attempting to pull up their dresses. India jumps in to correct the situation….. Words are spoken to both the boys and the girls to prove her point.

Verse 2:

It doesn’t matter if she’s wearin
A mini skirt or a business suit
Whether she’s 25 or 99
Treat her the way your mama taught you to
She could be the Queen of Sheba
She could be a school teacher
Home maker or a lawyer
I think it’s good for your Karma
If when ya talk to her…

        Female teachers open class doors to join in ask the chorus is being sung. They usher the students into the classrooms leaving India in the halls by herself.

Chorus:

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        India can be seen walking past a boys’ and girl’s restroom and them comes to a stop underneath a clock with hands that are speeding up the time of day and to suggest that times are changing.  She continues to walk towards the auditorium.

Verse 3
Now let’s keep it real
Nothing in this world could ever exist
Without it’s opposite
There has to be a sun and moon
A man and a woman
And that’s just the way it is
Humanity’s lop sided
And everyone’s fightin’
How do we restore the peace
Mother earth is hurtin’
And everyone is searchin’
For the feminine energy

        The doors of the auditorium open to the students being adult men and women. India goes and takes her place standing in her place as a teacher, much like that scene in Lean On Me where the teachers stood in the isle. She has an envelope in hand.

Chorus:

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody else to talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah)
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        The camera would pan over the “students” matching each line of the Vamp. A brother stands up to fight when a guy says something to his sister, you see usual teen behavior at an assembly; paper throwing, joking, etc.

Vamp

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Just like you fight for your sister
If you knew that somebody dissed her
How you gonna care for your daughter
Turn around and talk bad about her mama
Same way you listen to your auntie
Never interrupt while she speaks
Make your words sweet like candy
As if you were talking to your granny yeah

        The male principal is on stage speaking as he looks up and locks eyes with India. He smiles, continues the speech to the “students”. This would even be an amazing time to have cameos from the Lean On Me cast…lol

If you really love her then (say so)
If you really need her then (say so)
Love the way she thinks (say so)
You love the way she speaks (say so)
When you need some good conversation (say so)
Say so (say so)
If you want her in your life (say so)
You want her to be your wife (say so)
Tell her she’s your best friend (say so) (alright)
You’ll be there to the end (alright)(say so)

        Camera pans in on India looking at the envelope in her hand which is suggested to have been a resignation letter and she tears it in half.  Principal dismisses the students and seen goes to everyone filing out of the auditorium and leaving the school building. One of the other female teachers playfully hits her as she walks to the curb.

If you’re thinking about leaving (say so)
If you wonder where she’s going (say so)
If you need to breathe with her (say so)
You just want to be with her (say so)
If you love her hair (say so)
If you want her there (say so)
Tell me if you really want her (say so)
You wanna slap her down (say so)
Say so…
(You better not hit no woman, you done bumped yo’ head)
If you feel like loving (say so)
If you wanna feel the hugging (say so)

        A car pulls up and in the driver seat is a man who she leans in and kisses on the cheek and the car pulls off.

        Yeh…. that’s exactly how I pictured it. But who am I…. just a borderline obsessed fan.. and I mean that in the MOST respectful, “no restraining order needed” kind of way. I think that India, in all of her beauty, both vocally and physically would make my vision so beautiful. But she needs no help in that department. I pray she is as strong and direct and humble as I perceive her to be. I see God in her….And that is all that I have to say about that. Enjoy!

P.S.~ Check out my other post called 200 Men Said…. Oedipus’ Words. It is apart of my 200 Men Said…. series where I asked the men if they’ve ever said something to a woman that they wouldn’t want anyone to say to their mother. The answers will surprise you.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*