Okay, sooooo I am running soooo late!!! I had to host tonight and Eboni is here in my room with me about to watch the Season Finale of The Game at 1am. Yes, DVR it is… and I have not looked at Twitter or Facebook the entire night because I didn’t want to have to kill anyone for spoiling it for me.
I could speculate, but I wont. I just want to watch the show and hope that it leaves enough suspense to get me to come back next season but closes up enough information that leaves me satisfied for this season. All I want to know is ….who is the mystery person they have been showing on the commercials? Hmmm.. .okay, enough questions.
Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, …. #GameOn , Bitches!
Okay, so I happened to watch the episode beginning that i missed last week while @abmoore20 was here. Wow… Mario Van Peebles’ body looks good as hell. But his explanation of his disease *side eye*. But…..on to the Finale.
Okay, why is this my FIRST time hearing the football players collide on the intro? Man, I’ve been slipping. But…the opening with Melanie & Derwin talking baby talk again….I just want to watch this on fast forward. I mean…. can we get the pacing of a scene correct. It started off so slow. It didn’t take all that time to place “Loving You” in the background and get out a few words. *sigh* okay….next.
Soooooo I am sooooo confused. Tasha is making her situation with Bo seem like she was with him for months. Can we please not test the intelligence level of my willing suspense of disbelief. You found him, dated him, and killed him all in one episode. Now she is talking about him like Bo was the love of her life. *See this face……..*tilted smirk* WAIT!!!!
Did Bo just walk up to Tasha…wait….this is a set-up! I called it in the last episode!!!! This negro isn’t dying!!!! His name is Ronnie?! But you can’t make me believe that TASHA DIDNT KIRK OUT!!! Hell to the nawl!!!! He wouldn’t have gotten away with it that easily… again… don’t test my intelligence.
Okay, isnt this the SAME exact studio where they opened the season with the Derwin/Melanie Essence photo shoot? They couldn’t afford another backdrop? Didnt these bitches know that I would be watching? And yes, I know that this was filmed ages ago, but they should know that assholes like me exist. hahahahah Malik set up a fake ass photo shoot just to get Jenna back? WOWZERS!!! Okay.. Hosea… my address is 2504 I Saw Your Nude Pics Ave. Now, can you set up a fake photo shoot for me too? I’ll wait. Nothing says lovin’ like stalking a bitch via a fake photo shoot that you paid for. lol
WHO IS THIS DUDE?!!!!!!!!!!! The new QB, Kirkland, for the Sabers….*licks lips*…..*exhales* I will press rewind to get his name. Now, if you will make him a permanent member of this cast, then you can make each episode as slow as hell and I could care less.
Umm… this fight between Melanie and Tasha is bordering hilarious. I can’t focus. Hell, even Eboni just said she can’t focus on the scene because she can see both of their bras through their shirts……sad. I swear I am trying to get it, but I can’t. It is so contrived. Yes, I get it…. you want your man to be represented. And yes, there was a better way for her to ask Tasha….but really. To get all upset with your girl when a negro faked his own death , kids, and marriage and you didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow? Get the fuck out of here. What about not sweating the small stuff. Hell, I was going to sweat the small stuff and ask why is the season finale only 30 minutes, but I don’t know if I could take more than this. *sigh*. Okay…. they at least get to come back next season and fix it.
SNAP!!! If i were a Lesbian, I am pretty sure that the looks I just gave Stacy Dash could be constituted as distant rape. It makes no sense for a woman her age to look 10 times better than me. WAIT!! It’s not fair for Stacy to get the new dude!!! *Sigh* I don’t know who to stalk first… Stacy or Kirkland.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Jenna didn’t go back on the crack.
Wait… I am soooooo uncomfortable knowing that Derwin brought his own sexual stimulants to a birth clinic. OH MY GOD!!!!! Melanie had an abortion?!!! Was it Troy, Trevor…shit the dude she slept with after she broke up with Derwin!! You know, the football dude’s baby. The one in last season who told her that he would pay for her tuition. I don’t think that it was Derwin’s Baby.
Conclusion: Ummmmm. Whack way to end the season. I mean, stuff was left dangling, the episode moved so slowly and it was too dramatic. I had to rewind the show twice to catch that the ONLY way Derwin was able to tell that Melanie had an abortion was because she said “definitely”. Had Tasha not called her “definitely” lying phrase out in the scene before, I would have never caught it. Oh wait…. maybe it was Eggs’ baby…you know, Mehcad Brooks from True Blood. *Sighs* soooo many options. But I don’t like the way the abortion came up. It wasnt there EVER!!! Dont spring a secret on me in the same episode. The actor should react a certain way to babies and other things if this is in fact her back story. I am not happy with the conclusion of the Jenna/Malik storyline. Okay, so Tasha is not doing any better. *sigh* The only person who was consistent throughout the entire season was Jason/Colby. Okay….. Writers, please go spend some time together, watch the previous seasons, and study them.We want that believability back. We want the comedy back. We want the charisma back. I have no clue what happened, but we are just going to blame it on the fact that you were gone for 2 years. So yeh, I’ll be praying for your return. I know you can do better.
Okay… here we are… sitting on my couch laughing my ass off with @abmoore20 and I almost missed the opening to The Game. I think I did miss the opening of The Game… Noooooooo. What is Mario Van Peebles dying from? I missed it.
Okay, so now Melanie is trying to keep this lie going? I am sooooo disturbed by this.
Okay…. I know I am late, but you must understand when I tell you that I am unable to keep focused on this whole episode. After learning of Hosea’s naked pics… watching him lay in bed brings soooooo many kinky visions to mind. I am trying to stay focused on Malik… but I can’t. The brother is hung like drapes dangling from the top of the Eiffel Tower to the ground.
Ummmm… how is Tasha walking up in people’s houses? I mean wow…dont people lock their doors in gated communities? Did Melanie just tell Tasha she was being boinked Buddhist… lmao. LMFALS!!! Did Tasha just correct her wig…lmao!!! I can’t get past that…lol. I am dying laughing soooo hard! hahahahaha.
Okay.. so when did Tasha meet Bo? Is that his name(Mario Van Peebles)? Because didn’t she JUST officially break up with Donte? I’m so confused. How much of a gap is this suppose to be from the last episode? Okay, so obviously i was laughing too hard and missed the intro, but @abmoore20 just told me that he saw Mario walk up to her at the party…. confused. Yeh, gonna need to watch the rerun in order to capture my head around this. I need cliff notes… something. Someone please, help me out.
Okay, so, Malik in the office of the owner allowing Derwin to beg on his behalf….I am not getting that. Especially how Parker’s picture is still on her husband’s desk. I mean, Derwin needed to hush when asked if he had a wife. Derwin cheated on Melanie so he should not say shiiiiiiit. And Malik should not get upset because he did all of this for himself.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Keith Sweat did NOT just walk into the room. LMAO!!! Wowzers. Okay, did Keith just say Jim-balaya? Isnt it jambalaya? HELL NAWL!!! Tasha didn’t say “cap ’em and deal ’em” instead of carpe diem!!!! And now Tasha is giving up the goodies to a dying man… shame. Wait, where did Keith go? I’m so confused. @abmoore20 is not allowed over my house to watch these shows… I cant focus because he keeps me laughing. I love my mentee….not that you care. lmao!
Okay… as this commercial break is going on… I don’t think that Mario Van Peebles is dying. I think he is also married and this is something that he tells innocent women to get them to speed up the process. Besides, we all know that black people don’t go to doctors and when we do we don’t believe a word of what they have to say. We believe in the LAWD & when he says its time for us to go home. Am I right? Can I get a witness!!*@abmoore20 says: Hallelu!” *passes collection plate & cues the ushers*
LMAO!!! Melanie went to Brazil….lol. That was a funny way to say she Waxed on, waxed off her va-jay-jay…lmao. And I feel all kinky watching Melanie and Derwin almost getting kinky. Wait….. Niiiiiiiiiiiice buttcrack shot, Derwin. #TeamPoochHall’s Ass! I wonder if they wrote in Melanie being pregnant because Tia is pregnant in real life? Hmmmm.
Oh wow… Tasha even gets left alone after having one night stands from dying dudes. I am soooo confused about her entire situation. Hell, Rick Fox was the closest that we saw her to being happy. I hope that Malik is calling Jenna…. wait.. he called his mom? Confused, but okay, I get it.
NEXT WEEK!!! Okay, I love how they set this up, the finale… I mean. I pray that it is not a let down. Wow… okay I will have to make sure to watch. It is too juicy. I hate that they allude to Jenna not giving Malik a 2nd chance… boo , hiss! Okay, time to watch this boring ass show that comes on after it. Watch and suffer with me! [insert link here to Let’s Not Stay Together]
Okay… a recap of my day is so more interesting than last week’s episode.
Not that you care, and not that I care that you don’t care, but I had one of the busiest days of my life. Sweet heavens. I went to work and immediately wrote a to-do list just so that I could make sure that I didn’t forget anything. I mean, between the production company, the script, the web series, poetry, slam, and breathing……I had to scream out for help to my BFF and my personal assistant. *woosah* I do faaaaaar too much and need to know which battles to fight, when to say no, and obtain better time management skills. I even had to have a lunch date with my boo just so I could see him this week…lmao. Sad, yet true. So, I just finished my radio interview (Thanks DJ Gemz)….and I made home in time to fold clothes and get ready for my maid to come in the morning. And now I am all ready for you. Yes, I’m here for you.
So if you missed last week, or any week for that matter, click on the links above and get to reading.
Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2,….. #GameOn , Bitches!
Damn…. all of these hoes. Okay, let me stop being a hypocrite….I would dance for Malik ( Hosea). And awwwwww, Malik said that Jenna is his Jada. And I hope this episode gets better because this opening is as slow as Hugh Heffner running through the Playboy mansion. *yawn* Come on…. don’t make me do it! I will “Let’s Stay Together” you…. I will!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAH!!! My inner fat girl jumped the fuck up out this bed and then knocked the soda out my own damn hands when Tasha was working out to P90X on the couch! Lmao! I havent worked out to those discs since before I went on my cruise in December. And I would still have dust on them but my maid cleaned them off….lol.
Now is the time for me to admit that I am not really feeling TT’s acting. Somehow it managed to work when he was silent.
And damn! Parker is on some Crazy, Deraaaaaanged type shit. I mean, really, girl… is Malik carrying the magic stick that created the magic stick? Because I can’t see AAAAAAAAAANY man laying pipe enough to make me stalk him. Okay… there was this one time at band camp…. No, there was this Chocolate Dude….noooooo there was the…. Wait. Get out my business. Back to the story…… She is sitting in his car in the parking lot to his practice stadium. She is not even trying to be discrete any more, she is just buck crazy kind of bold. Shame.
Okay, Tasha could have told everyone that Dontae was going out of town….but noooooooooo. She’s planning this party with Melanie for someone who she broke up with weeks before.
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!! Parker’s husband just called her a $2 Hooker! Okay. I get it! Abused, Craaaazy, Dereaaanged!!! Okay, so she needed Malik’s magic stick.
Wait!!! DONTAE JUST MADE THIS SHOW INTERESTING AS HELL!!!!!!! He showed up, but who in the hell told him that his party was going on? Hmmm…. Awwwww Dontae is being so sweet and romantic.
AND MALIK IS ABOUT TO FUCK IT UP!!!!! DON’T GO HAVE SEX WITH PARKER IN THE BATHROOM!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Stay with Jenna. She’s not stupid. Okay…. False alarm. But I have a feeling Malik is about to get caught in 5, 4, 3, 2, ……2……2…..Malik’s bathroom therapy session to tell Parker her worth….2……2…. (I bet Parker is going to snitch on them…to get back at her husband)….2….2….2….2… OH SHIT!!!! Jenna just walked into the girl’s stall after Parker left and Malik just played it off. I bet you the mess is going on outside of that bathroom…..and his confessing that he is in love with Jenna is not going to make this mess any softer.
WTF?!!!A Commercial?
Okay… they made it out of the hotel and there is Parker and her husband….BAM!!!! You mean to tell me that Jenna only HEARD that Parker and Malik had sex and she walked off? Come on now. I thought that Jenna was better than that. In all seriousness, Jenna and Malik have only been together for a few weeks. So this could have been before he went to rehab. I just lost faith in Jenna… if she doesn’t come back she can keep her faithless ass off the show!
MESSAGE!: Black ladies… yes, he did sleep with Parker while he was with Jenna, but Jenna needed to ask Malik what she was talking about. To ask for clarification. I don’t think you understand just how upset I am right now! I was really rooting for Malik & Jenna….shame… black love just can’t prevail, now can it. And wow!
So, Malik’s Rick Ross of a bodyguard is allowed to bring a gun, pop it off 3 times and get to stand there in *country music voice* Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide Open Spaces!? Come on now…. Make me believe that this isn’t going to be a Shine Part 2. He could have come and taken one of the Owner’s side men who were jumping Malik. But really….smh. Stereotypes.
Okay…. So I can’t remember what next week alludes too, but I never do so nothing new….lol. But, I have to admit…the pace was slow, but it was very interesting and full of surprises, though unbelievable. Okay, so beside the ghetto friends, bitter black woman exits, and psycho jump-offs….this episode did redeem itself from last week’s episode. I give this episode a B+. Not what I was expecting… but better than what you gave me last week. And scene!
So…. after the evening that I have had… I DEFINITELY NEED THE GAME!!!! In short…. Church Niggas! I’m prepared to petition to get that inserted into Webster’s Dictionary. But enough about me ……..
I am still on the excited from last week’s episode. Despite people blaming BET for ruining The Game , and me secretly waiting for Deborah Lee to get hit by a bus….. I still think that the cast and crew just needed a few episodes to get back into the groove of things. We as fans must learn to accept change. Yes, the show is a little raunchier than we’re accustomed but….deep down, we wished that the older show would have taken SOME of the same risks. Secondly…it really is an adult show, hence the 10pm show time. So…if we continue to support, maybe the remaining episodes and next season will give us that happy medium. You know…somewhere between getting raped and rough foreplay.
So this episode has something to do with weed and…..I forgot, but I have a feeling it is going to be good if it has anything to do with weed.lol. As a non-smoker of anything….. weed heads crack me up. [Deletes commentary in efforts to take the high road] But… let’s get ready to watch this episode.
Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, #GameOn , Bitches!!!!
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! Ummm… so didnt Malik stop talking to Jason and even talked shit about him in while in rehab? Or did love happen to forgive everyone but Derwin? And is it really that hard for a father to say “period” LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did Malik just call Brittany “a regular Bobbi Christina”? LMAO!!!! Didnt Bobbi Christina JUST attempt to put out a sex tape today? LMAO!!! I know I should be more sympathetic, but after the DMV AWARD coonery I survived this weekend and the foolery I went through at church this evening….I have earned the right to not give a damn! lmao! In fact, my give a fuck is in the shop indefinitely. Dont ask me when it is coming out.
WOWZERS!!! Melanie looks like a midget standing next to Magic Johnson. Sooooo what other reason than a cameo is Magic even doing on this episode? And isn’t he an ex-BASKETBALL player? Isnt this show about football. And….why is everyone tip-toeing around Brittany? I would have been chopped her in the damn throat! I’m the queen of busting an unruly nigglet in the clavicle. Dont try it unless you are skilled enough to knock the wind out of them but not leave a mark. Learned that one from Ma’Dear. Are they really centering this episode around her? DONT YOU DO IT!!! I promise you I will roast this trick! I need to find out how old she is because I am prepared to go in that ass for this horrible acting, but for now…. TRICK SATCHO ASS DOWN!!! Yes, I said satcho!
What was up with the blanket-throw scene change? Ummmmmmmm tacky. it didn’t work with me. Writers…you’re doing too much. Okay,whoever told her to do that… you’re doing too much. Hell… where is Jazz? I need some comedy.
WHAT IS MIA (Girlfriends) MAMA DOING TAKIN OUT TASHA’S WEAVE!!!! That is Titanium blonde. HOT DAMN! I believe she reinvented white. Klu Klux Klan sheets aren’t as white as her hair. Is that mother of pearl? What was Mia’s mama’s name anyway? Hmmmmm. Oh shit, I was suppose to be watching Tasha and this boring, over exagerrated Brittany. HOW MUCH WILL IT COST TO BRING THE OLD BRITTANY BACK? Erica Gluck…. come back! Oh please, baby, baby, please! Okay, come back and teach this girl how to act….. you are TRULY MISSED!
Okay, this blonde hair on Tasha Mack (Wendy R. Robinson) FABULOUS!
Ummm… Dr. Barnett doing the “D-Dubb”…..ummmmm.It is not the Dip & Pitts.
Ummmmmm shaky nerves? They can give weed for shaky nerves? * starts twitching* What? I’m not gonna smoke it.. hell, I’ll sell that shit to pay back Sally Mae. You girl has a Master’s Degree worth of student loans I am trying to pay off.
Sidebar: I am trying to come up with something witty… but it just isn’t coming to me. NOTHING is worth commenting on in this episode. Melanie’s parents seem to like Derwin after 2 years and for some reason they want me to believe that this is the first time that they have seen each other in 2 years since the wedding. Hmmm….really? They was that Derwin jumped back looked like he was still scared of the mother. Now, if there was still a little spite there it would have been believable. But now it just makes her parents appear to be gold diggers. They only wanted a man who could make their daughter rich? And I was soooooooooo exited about last week’s episode. Let me see what Twitter is saying about the episode:
luvvieig:The Game has turned Tasha Mack into a Pothead??? BET, I think you forgot the shuck and jive. That’s the only stereotype you HAVEN’T touched.
Spicy__Tamale: I really don’t think the game was as bad as y’all saying. I mean this is BET not CBS WTF y’all expecting?
LegendaryyBroo: Why Does BET Insult My Intelligence They Doin To Muchh On The Game
RashadAintShit: i fucks with BET for bringin back thegame, but the shit stops their. minus the reruns, there’s only 4 shows on bet.
@KingMe707: The Game on BET is weak now str8 up —-straight up
CherrellRene: i can tell by every1s tweets- thegame didnt keep kelsey grammar’s writers in transition to BET <omg I was thinking that!
thebostonbrass: No you’re not my dear. I don’t watch BET period RT @mousemoney: So apparently I’m the only person who doesn’t watch The Game.
essiekk: Just read this…BET ghettofied the Game lol sad but I agree
iCy_PRiCEy: SMH at this episode of TheGame.BET is not a good representation of black people.
I promise you how I tried to find a positive one, but it is past my damn bedtime… oh shit…. this post should have been posted 24 mins ago!!!! DAMN YOU WENDY WILLIAMS SHOW!!! Raven Symone caught me in the middle of editing! Ok….
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Now Melanie has to lie to her parents about being pregnant in order to get on their good side? *yawn*
And this sentimental moment between Jason and Brit….awwwww…but ummm… he wasnt thinking tight… or clearly…or financially. Okay… I’m lost. WTF was the point of this episode? *Sigh* I dont know what the hell happened? Last week was such a rush. Is someone on maternity leave? Did someone die? Maaaaaan dont to this to me! Well, on to this boring ass show……Let’s Stay Together
Next Week: It went by too fast, and too many people were in it for me to catch it. I will catch it during a commercial break. Okay, so apparently Malik gets found out. Tasha’s new hair style was for this episode only….and apparently Dontae (Terrance J) was the focus of all of her actions as they try to make him jealous. Ummmm…..yeh, I’ll be watching. Will Jazz be in that episode too? Please say yes. I need to upgrade my Rip Tide. lmao!
So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?
Okay…I’m a big girl, I can admit when I need help. So, I needed help trying to figure out what this meant. Because in all honesty, in woman code, this translates to “Shut up woman and fix me some food”. You might as well call me a bitch and put me in geisha make-up. The phrase almost implies that a woman has the power to stop you from being a man, which then suggests the question of “why should I be with you if I can stop you from being a man?”. No, don’t shoot the messenger… I’m just saying…this phrase is looking a little swiss cheese-ish to me.
Well, when I hear it I speculate that he means that he needs to be in control at that moment, or that I have stepped on his manhood a little too much. That is all I can do….. speculate. But… I also think that there are several different ways to let a man be a man, and each one is a sign of how much of a man the woman is dealing with. For instance, my godmother has this way of politely saying my godfather’s name that will shut the sentence down and change the topic. She was letting him be the man, in my opinion, but not embarrassing him nor letting him embarrass himself. He still got to maintain his pride. I have never , and I mean NEVER seen her raise her voice at him. Now what goes on in the privacy of that bedroom when you hear her call his name politely down the hall….that is on them. I am sure they have had disagreements… I have never seen it. The one thing that I have caught by accident is when my dad left his wallet at home after she reminded him to get it, he didn’t. So we’re at the restaurant and he is entertaining friends and family and the check comes. My mother knew what was about to happen, and I saw her playing around in her purse and then she slipped her credit card under the table and into his lap under his hand without missing a beat. THAT was letting my father remain a man so that he could place the card on the table and pay the bill. But, in letting him be a man, she had to be a woman to see what was needed and assist him. I have a STRONG feeling that guys around my age don’t see that as the definition of Letting a Man be a Man. So I asked them.
I asked my 200 Men…..
On my last question I saw pretty much the same response. What does “let the man be the man” mean to you and what should a woman do, or not do, to let the “man be the man”?
And since I never read the comments until I come back through to edit the formatting of the post…. I have no clue what you are about to read. The 200 Men Said….
Danny P: All of this isn’t this complicated. When it’s right, the two involved in the relationship are who they are and the couple is still one. All this [means is] let [it] be [the way in] which [it] is… if [letting] the person be who they are is [them being a ] cheating fool or something… well uh duh
Allen Ozark: ??? not sure.
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Its means, let the man think he’s in control even if you’re in control. Also, all duties that are designed for a man…let him do them even if you’re better. Eventually, if he’s a real man he’ll admit that you’re better at whatever and come to you for assistance, and rightfully so. [2Deep: This man never ceases to amaze me. But let him be in control even when he isnt…..isnt that lying? lol. Okay, Lie to my man. Check!]
DSMILEY1: Let the man be the man: in charge of houses chores like cutting the grass & washing the cars. Sometimes its good to switch out but [it] wouldn’t be the same
: !: it means if you have a Real Man, he leads the household in decisions..basically the King..but that doesn’t mean he is a tyrant. He should listen to advice from his wife and make good decisions. Basically, the way the Bible portrays it.
Lateef25: maybe not nag so much about what you want. just tell him in a nice way or let it go
Kycajrome L: I believe [it] comes from the Old school archetype of when the Man was the provider and fixer of everything in the household…depending how a man was raised some still hold those values ,times are a little diff, but old or new ,Respect is what a MAN wants
on the rocks…: that statement is self explanatory.far be it for a man to explain what it is to be a man.especially to woman these days. they seem to have their own blueprint for us.lol ..check every 3rd female profile and it’ll have a laundry list of what a “REAL” man is
Now you all know that I wasnt going to just STOP at some of these answers. So some side conversations came from them and they went a little something like this:
Vince V: I think that those answers are coming from men who feel insecure about their position in the household and basically wants the woman to run everything through him and let him have the final say so in what goes on in their relationship. when in my opinion a secure man who has good communication with his partner would trust his woman to be able to act as an extension of him to make good decisions with both his and her best interest at heart , but communication being the key. [2Deep: I simply love this answer…. he can stay…lmao]
Me: Sooooooooooo I noticed you said that a “woman to be able to act as an extension of him” What does that mean? And why cant it be the other way around? Just playing devil’s advocate here
Vince V: ok miss devil’s advocate….lol Traditionally the man would always be considered the head of the household because he was the bread-winner. but as times have changed and women have become less dependent on men; whether it be cause of equality between men and women, or financial responsibilities within a relationship. the level of the playing field has evened out, and either one could be considered the “head”. but sticking with tradition, even though the field is even, with the male being the head; any actions performed by the woman would be considered “okayed” by the man, to anyone outside that relationship. which would mean she was just doing it for him cause he cant get to it. Now it can work the other way around but then that would not be a traditional type relationship, plus then you might have a man with a really hurt ego about holding up the appearance of being the man of the house.
Me: Soooooooo what is a woman not suppose to do without her man’s permission?
Vince V: have sex with someone else….j/k lol a woman doesn’t need her man’s permission to do anything….but a woman or a man in a good relationship keeps open lines of communication with each other. especially when decisions that are to be made affect one another.
Me: Okay….so to let a man be a man is to keep an open line of communication with him. That’s it? ( I swear you’re gonna get sick of me…lol) But I am trying to make sure that I understand before I post it.
Vince V: no, to let a man be a man is to let him run everything and make all the decisions and don’t question the things that he does. but i would personally like having the input of my woman in every decision that i make for us, and vice versa .
Me: How is THAT being a man?!!! That sounds like a dictatorship!!!!! OH I SWEAR YALL WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!! lmao
that is just the way life has traditionally put men with women. but like i said, as for me ,i like having the input of my woman cause i feel like it keeps us closer and more in touch with each other
Me: Gotcha! No prob….. I thought that you had great insight… My readers should hear it. Oh.. wait.. my fault. I didn’t let the man be the man. *submits* am I allowed to put your comment on my page? lmao!
Vince V was my favorite response, but I simply had to post my comments from Chub L. He keeps me cracking up and yet he still knows when to be serious. So here are his responses:
Chub L: Let the man be the man – let him get that door etc… Let him do for you what you shouldn’t have to do for yourself as his queen.
Me: That was your answer…. so what am I not suppose to do for myself as his queen?
Chub L:In the world that we live in today – It’s basically everybody for themselves, but my queen shouldn’t have to get her own door, ever. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I don’t have a problem with a woman’s independence at all. Whatever my independent queen will allow me to do for her is gravy. No qualms here. I’m open-minded – we can get the darn door for each other.
Me: So, it really is that important to a man to feel needed in a relationship? But is it just with tangible things? Does a man ever feel the need to be needed emotionally? Meaning, if she doesn’t want you to get the door but needs you to hold her every night… would you feel like less of a man?
Chub L: Being emotionally needed is even more of a necessity. The Queen needs for her king to not only be her rock while she’s awake -but to rock her to sleep and all the more rock her while she’s asleep. It is for the good of both. If my queen is kept happy then hence I will also be kept happy.
So, then… why do you think so much emphasis is placed on a man doing tangible things versus him being there for her in the emotional times?
Chub L : I haven’t got a clue – I can only speak for me – I do both. Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.
Soooooooo are you still as confused as I am? I don’t want to be alone, so don’t leave me out here alone on Confusion Island. I mean, I get it…. but I don’t get it. So, as long as I allow my man to do “things” for me, then he feels like a man and all is gravy. So, I shouldnt have to touch a door in the presence of a man, pull out a chair, or cut my grass ( I don’t know, so I am halfway there), and let him make all of the decisions. I have a feeling that there is a gray area here that is in need of a dye job. It can’t be that friggin simple. So if I live by these few rules I am allowing my man to be a man? SWEET!
Okay, all jokes aside. I think it all boils down to respect. Do I respect my man to hear him out when he verbalizes his needs? Do I validate him when needed? Does he have an equal part in this relationship? I think THAT is where his concerns lay. Anything else is a dictatorship and it isnt going to happen over here. Respect for Respect should be the basis on which this blog should be concluded to. And Scene.
Okay. Yes, I am obsessed. I turned down quality platonic cuddle time with a FINE man tonight simply because it was Tuesday and I had to blog The Game. Yes, I know you are thinking WTF is wrong with me… but don’t judge me. This is like my part-time job. I make moves happen with this blog. And besides, I can behave in my house watching The Game than set myself up and be wrapped up in his arms. I did mention that he is fine, right? I mean like, deep chocolate, Almond Joy kind of FINE. I mean, broad shoulders and chest on a tall man just how I like ’em kind of FINE. Knows how to…..oh.. my bad…ummm…where was I? Oh yeh, he’s FINE. So, how funny is it that this episode trailed the fact that Melanie wants to get kinky….lol. I know a set up when I see one. lmao! The devil is busy. Okay, I am all ready to watch it!
Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 2, #GameOn Bitches!
First off…….Malik Crying? I’m trying to go with that. Secondly… YALL KNOW DAMN WELL THAT IS NOT MO’NIQUE’S HAIRSTYLE! How yall gone try to play me. Yall know we watch Mo’Nique enough to know damn well she does that hair swoop piece in the front. Take 2, damn it, and give me Mo’s regular hairstyle. Umm….. was I the only one who noticed that Malik almost fucking fell jumping up on that couch like Tom Cruise? BET almost fucked around and had a “man down” trying to cross market…lmao! See, this is proof that black people aint use to jumping on people’s furniture. I twitch every time I put my feet on my own fucking furniture. I have flashbacks from a childhood where timeout didn’t exist. lmao!
Awww, they are making Malik human again…..and then come the haters! I wondered what would happen to Malik & Meagan Good. WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did she really just say she didn’t wax in a month and she knows how much Malik likes that? OM-JESUS! I’m praying for the writer who wrote that in. It had to be the same writer who wrote the line about Meagan not having a uterus. LAWD! I’ll make sure to pray for them all. But I am proud of Malik for putting his foot down, but something is telling me that Meg isn’t giving up that easily. So did he become a better lover after Robin? Because she said it was mediocre. Hmmm….I would be willing to find out for research purposes. What? DON’T JUDGE ME!. I told you I turned down cuddle time. Work with me, damn.
Ummm…you couldnt pay me enough to throw a pair of panties in my mouth .lmao! And yeh… Jazz would be the queen of teaching people about how to please their men. LMAO! at Jazz’s line about how Melanie’s sex life has “all the excitement of a fiber commercial”. Do real wives check their husbands’ fan mail? Hmmm… And who is this limber hoe in Derwin’s room? lmao!!!! And speaking of limber hoes…. How did Meagan get in Malik’s room? Does her husband not pay any attention to her? Or is the Owner in the same city as them?
Teachable moment: Bitches, if a man puts you on blast on national TV, hell… LOCAL ACCESS TV, The RUSS PARR MORNING SHOW, or Pookie’s family reunion…. let that negro go! If you are fussing about his new and or OTHER bitch… let it go!
Okay.. I’m is confused-ed…yes…confused-ed. Why would Melanie care if anyone saw Jazz come to her house? Wasn’t she sitting in her living room with all of the Sun Beams about two scenes ago? And why would you go with a menage on your first freaky engagement.
WOW! Parker (Meagan) is off the chain! First off….did she just start screaming rape in a hotel room? Secondly… Malik fell for that? (Pause)
Is Melanie sitting in a club asking this perfect stranger to be in a threesome with her and Derwin? WHat has two years done to Med School?!!! Doesnt she know you might want to get this bitch tested first? And okay… she may not be cuter than you but she is more of a hoe and a groupie than you!!! Run bitch, save your marriage. You just let a stranger know that you can’t please your man by your damn self!!!!! Ewwwww that is not even funny. This is sad. This screams rehab. NASTY!!!!
Okay, back to Malik. If I were him, I would have picked up the phone, called my girl …much like how Parker threatened to call her husband….and would have told her everything that is going on. I would have grabbed my bag and walked the hell out of the hotel room and gone somewhere else. Or maybe it works out that easily in my head. But then again…everyone is not Rothlisberger and can get off with two rape charges. Maybe he did the right thing. But correct me if I am wrong but if you can’t get it up there will be no sex, right? But since he got it up…he was turned on by it. And apparently he got it up twice.
Awwww… Jena is the BEST thing for Malik this season. She can stay. Who is gonna help me run Parker over with a bus? And not because she is bad… but just because she is bad for Malik. I like the balloon idea…
CAN I COME JOIN IN WITH DERWIN?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ummmm… that was kinky. But did Med School just have her first girl kiss? KINKY!!!! I like it. Okay.. this is the BEST EPISODE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!……this season.
Grade: A++!!!!! They can stay!! And yes, the energy without Kelly made it so much better. Yes, I can tell the difference. THIS WAS THE EPISODE THAT I WAS WAITING FOR!!!! I feel like calling people I hate and hanging up. Yes, I will get the same amount of joy!
Next Episode: What? Tasha has a new hair color….damn was she even on this episode? Oh yes she was…okay. Blonde though? I have a week to let it grow on me. But TASHA IS A POTHEAD!? What is up with me and all of these caps? Hell I am excited. Okay.. can’t wait to next week. they cant go back.. it is all up hill from here on out.
If you checked out my blog yesterday, Lyrically Speaking: Keri Hilson~Intuition [<~Click Here] Then you would already know what this blog is going to be about. Women have the best intuition skills on the face of this earth, but sometimes your signal could be off and you could blame a man who is doing something based on your own fears and insecurities. This is a No, No. There are things that women think they are good at, or things that should occur in a relationship….and those very things could be the thing that breaks up the relationship.
For instance, do we as women listen as much as we like to complain that men don’t listen to us? I would have to say that women are the WORST listeners. Men damn near are forced into listening and women are unaccustomed to doing so. SO, I thought that I would lay somethings out in front of you in plain view.
We often times wonder if things were our fault when it comes to a relationship ending. Did we do something wrong? What could we have done better? Etc. But then we get into our pride, listen to our bitter ass girlfriends and fail to accept our part in a relationship going wrong. Most of the issue is that we didn’t listen to our partner or the warning signs that something was not going the way that it should, yet and still we pretended that all was gravy and ignored it. MISTAKE! We must face facts. And no matter how many hours we spend hovering over a box of Ben and Jerry’s we will always find ourselves blameless. So, I thought that I would ask my 200 Men the following question:
If there were 2 things that you could get women to do (or stop doing) in a relationship to make it work or last longer…what would those 2 things be and why? Send me a message for longer answers.
Now before you read these answers, you have to be open and honest with yourself. Before you go any further I need you to make the promise that you will not negate a single one of these answers. These guys deal with women, therefore they know what has bothered them in a relationship. Are all of these responses going to be about you? No, not unless you have been with all of these guys. But SOMETHING in here will strike a chord and pinch a nerve and you have to be willing to face that fact and be ready to fix it, because if it is listed… then it is a problem.
And the 200 Men Said….
Vince V: sorry I don’t like this question…for one it automatically assumes that it is something that a woman does or doesn’t do that causes relationships to end. when we all that is not true. (just keeping it real) no two relationships r the same, every one ends for different reasons. but if you want to hear the general consensus of the male demographic, the answer to your question would be… be more explicitly sexual and open to diversity in the bedroom, and to domesticate themselves a little more (learn to cook and clean).
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Assuming 2 Much! And Needs 2 Communicate More!..Muahz..Pefect..lol
…….: Stop always acting like everything is about money,and stop acting like everything is about money lol
K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: WELL TWO THINGS ARE STOP ACCUSING A MAN OF BEING OUT WITH OTHER WOMEN AND SECOND , STOP BEING SILENT WHEN SOMTHING IS ON YOUR MIND!
ICE: Shut up lol…and trust me 🙂
Lateef25: not be so dramatic and just think before you react
Aries Brotha: Stop boasting about the intimacy shared in the bedroom. And to stop agonizing about where the relationship is going. Boasting could lead her friends wanting to see what’s up. Relationships evolve so there isn’t really any way to plan the future.
Jerome P: i think women should not assume what a man knows.Tell him whats going on in your head. just because we dont know something about you doesn’t mean we’re not paying attention to you. We don’t pick up on everything so quickly
James F: take care of her appearance and be a good listener
Code Name Bigsexy: 1 NO MALE FRIENDS.2 KNOW WE ARE A TEAM THAT MEANS I HELP YOU AND YOU HELP ME
!: be satisfied with your man’s position in life if he is happy…In other words, if he makes 60000 and content why bash him for not wanting more, or dressing a certain way, etc…just like him for him or make a change in her life.
!A Gentleman! (BBM:30A835CD): If I can get women to stop looking at me or guarding themselves as if I was the man who hurt them. Stop assuming you know us, every man is the not same, we’re not! we are all different.
THIS GUY: stop always trying to be right and stop trying to destroy another peaceful day
James L: To stop treating all guys like their cheaters because of their past relationship experience. You will run the good guy off. Say what you mean!!!! We can’t read between your lines, to many possibilities. Make it plain and simple what you want.
AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE COMMENT CAN FROM :
Prestige “The One And Only”: Control your own confidence level. A man shouldn’t dictate a woman’s love for herself, if ever it gets to the point where I am the sole source of her believing in herself it becomes very unattractive. And never stop setting goals….
I read that comment and I wanted to revert back to southern Baptist Church days. PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gone On And Tell ’em The TRUTH, PASSA! (Yes, I said Pass and not Pastor). Don’t ask him if that dress makes you look fast. You knew you looked fat and wanted confirmation. Or you THOUGHT you looked fat and need to hear someone else say the words that mimic the thoughts in your head. That is NOT fair to him. You need a self-check. You need to be able to stand on your own. Confidence is sexy as shit! And the sooner you think you are beautiful is the same minute that the world will begin to agree with you. No self-denial can be included in this. So no obese chicks in 2-piece swimsuits because it doesn’t mean you are confident, that shows you are faking confidence. Nor does it mean that the skinny girl who believes that she has the bomb as body should go around and show everyone. Think about it, some of the most valuable collections of the world are behind glass and locked up where no one can see it or have limited access. Why would you expose your treasure? You are worth being the first to know that you are beautiful and worth being loved. Love yourself first, trust me when I tell you it is a beautiful thing.
Of course I agree with the intro to Vince V’s response and “……”‘s answer cracks me the hell up. But they all hold a good point in them. And even though ICE wants to get jumped… there is a point to his message as well. We must all learn to shut up SOMETIMES and listen just as much as we wish to be listened to.
Aries Brotha makes a great point about boasting and being a bug-a-boo. Ladies… if you read my Advice from the Other Woman blog you would know that you don’t tell your friends SHIT!! If they ask, just say everything is good. Only stupid females and high school chicks share the details of their relationships. STOP IT!!! Your man is telling you that if you tell you must have wanted someone to know so you can’t get mad when he gives a private tutorial to your best friend…lmao. Just kidding, but you catch my drift. And bugging him about where the relationship is headed is a sign that you are desperate. Seriously. If he wants you, you will know it. if you have to ask, then he doesn’t want you. Make yourself less available and show him that you have a life to live with or without him. If he can’t live without you….he’ll be back. So relax ladies, your asking is why your relationships keep failing. Your overall problem is talking, so shut up to your friends and to your man when it comes to where this relationship is headed… lmao. Well, do so in moderation.
And of course, the Bag Lady Effect. Boo, leave Tyrone’s issues with Tyrone. Keith didn’t hurt you, he may in the future, but you dont know that yet. Pain hurts but it makes us stronger. Imagine how many times iron has to be melted, molded, and hit over and over again to get it to a point where it holds up structures, becomes the frame for others. It feels like you are dying, but you wont. TRUST ME! I’ve been through some shit and I am still here. You are not afraid of Love. You are afraid of being hurt by Tyrone. Well you left Tyrone. Be able to think logically and not emotionally so much. This is nothing new. We’ve heard it all before. Now is the time to believe it and understand the effects of it. The men you seek do NOT like these behaviors. If there are things that you want them to change, you too have to be more willing to change the things about you that bother them. But I’m just a girl too. I suggest to myself that I need to follow my advice. And Scene!
So, while on Twitter I asked some of my female followers to hit me up with questions that they wanted my 200 men to answer and I have several questions to ask until I die…lol. But one was in reference to the place of an independent woman in a relationship. Other questions trickled from that one question, but this post will be specifically about an independent woman in her relationship.
Often times we hear how you have to be an independent woman, learn to stand on your own two feet, don’t rely on a man because all men are dogs yadda, yadda, yadda. Then on the flip side, we must learn how to Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. How can I when no one is wanting to give up the man code? lol. Just kidding. But in all seriousness…. the world, right on down to the Bible thumpers, would have you believing that in order to be in a committed relationship you must relinquish your feminine family jewels and trade them in for a hot stove, bare feet and Kate plus 8. How 50’s is that. My last name is NOT Stepford. So, are we allowing the world to tell females everywhere that they cannot excel in order to make a man’s ego feel at ease just to have a relationship? I hope not, because then I am going lesbian.
There has to be a balance, right? There has to be a time where a woman can handle business like a strong and independent woman during the day and be able to submit to her man. Notice I said submit.. not bow down to, not stand behind, not be belittled by. I left my father’s house because I was grown… I BE DAMNED if I go into another man’s house and feel as if I can’t be the strong person that MY FATHER raised me to be in opposition of many of these knuckle heads. So, you actually have the good fathers to blame…lol. And yes, I know I am exaggerating, but if the exaggeration can be handled then everything else will be cleared up in its path as well.
So…. 200 Men were asked:
Often times black women are made to feel bad for being independent women. Do you think that there is a place for an independent woman in a relationship w/ a man or does she have to change?
Ladies, back away from anything that has breath and high levels of testosterone. TRUST ME on this one. I havent even read the comments yet, I never read them before I write my part, so I have no clue what is going to be said.
My men responded with:
DSMILEY1: I like independent women because it makes us grow faster & makes life easier on choices we make together
Chub L: There is nothing wrong with being independent, but also allow a real man to be the man. Hey it’s truly a new day in our wonderful society for different levels off independence, but chivalry does not have to die in order for independence to live.
Kycajrome L: I almost want to say this is a silly question but, I know better, LOL so i’ll say if [you’re] independent you won’t feel bad about being you (with out an attitude)…if some else can’t handle it….
MIAMI’S SON IS BACK !!!: are u serious !! you took the time to ask me that dumb ass question!! but its called self-esteem, meaning the esteem of ones self. so if you have to ask that question, then your not independent !!!! your a poor excuse of a person [2Deep: I had to rip him a new one separately. Funny how people assume that all of these questions are personally mine. I have women sending me questions on Twitter, and even if someone asks, it could be for research purposes and it doesn’t make them dumb.. like this ass! That’s why I am not going to correct his grammar errors. Because if you’re going to call someone else dumb you might want to know how to use “you’re”…lmao!]
!: Never a problem for an independent woman being in a relationship but when it comes to the household, she needs to realize the man is the head of household, it’s a reason God set it that way…just like in all other species. You [can’t] have 2 leaders.
dorrance: yes but u have 2 make time for each other if not then, no, it wont work
DJ Urban Cowboy: I don’t think any [man] wants a woman who can’t support herself. There is little room to flaunt or boast your independence. If [you’re] so independent that you have to boast about it, then you don’t need your man.
Marcel: If a woman would allow herself to be made to feel in such a manner because of her independence then that is not at all a woman. A woman knows what its is in which she desires, wants and deserves.
Code Name Bigsexy: THERE IS ROOM.BUT I THINK THE WOMAN STILL HAS TO LET THE MAN BE THE MAN
Vince V: Yes there is a place for her. as long as she is not always throwing it up in the mans face like she doesnt need him for anything and vice versa. because that would be a lie. to make a “relationship” work it takes 2 people, being there for each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. and no neither person should have to change period unless they want to for some reason. i embrace the independent black women. i think that Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabolous state it best in Ne-Yo’s “Independent Remix”
My FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM:
CHRIST- O: I DONT WANT A WOMAN THAT CANT STAND ON HER OWN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN HAS A GLOW ABOUT HER THATS WHY SHE STANDS OUT IN A CROWD. TWO INDEPENDENT PPL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE.
Get your glow on ladies!!!
Okay… so I lied.. I ended up reading this one as I was going back and editing. I love this one too:
Prestige “The One And Only”: She never has to change, a real woman will never have to compromise who she is naturally. Independent, stubborn, opinionated…is sexy and a black woman will and should remain such while still being able to allow a man to play his role as a provider.
(This comment sparked another question that will come up in a future blog. [Will post link Here])
And of course, when a response catches my attention, I have to jump in and get clarification. So I began a conversation below:
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I know I’m late on this one but I had to really think on it… I don’t think there is anything wrong with an independent woman in or out of a relationship but I don’t think some woman should get into a relationship if they just feel like they don’t want someone they can lean on when they need too. Some women take it to a certain level that can sometimes make their man or anybody feel unnecessary…. Just for example, sometimes the simplest thing like allowing a man to open a door for them… I have experienced women who actually give off an attitude when I have tried to do things like that… And I’m like “Wow, you don’t even want your door opened? That makes you less independent?” And I just think women go overboard with the “Independent Woman” thing.
Me: How are they going overboard?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: They are going overboard because they are starting to take men being polite and chivalrous as trying to impede on their independence.
Me: Oh okay, so how does it make you feel when a woman does that? And how can she be independent and make her man feel validated at the same time?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Everybody wants to feel needed by the person they are with and any real man would be impressed with a woman who can handle her own but if she makes him feel as though he is unnecessary that’s when it gets to be a problem… It’s the simple things… let him open a door, lift a box, yes a woman can do it for herself but a gentleman should never let her. I’m begging women in my life now to do their part in reviving and keeping chivalry alive.
Me: So it makes you feel needed? And you like doing those things? Do you ever think to give her emotional support too? Or must it always be tangible things?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I’m not in a relationship now… but when I was I was more than capable of giving emotional support… but try giving that to a woman who feels like she being babied if a man is just concerned about her. For example I may say “baby are you alright?” because I sense something is wrong with her… her response may be something like “don’t worry about me I’m gonna always be ok… So what am I here for if I don’t or can’t do anything for you?
So, That is a testament to the type of woman who you chose to be with… that is NOT an independent woman. That is a dysfunctional female…lmao!
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Well when they are addressed they identify themselves as independent woman… and if that the case I would hate to view every woman who came off “overly independent” as “dysfunctional women” But I will if I have too…LOL Now on the other hand if you are implying that “independent women” as a whole have perfect balance we would have to agree to disagree and I would do so purely from my personal experiences.
Me: I disagree because a person who must announce does not or is not. You don’t go around on a daily basis shouting “I’m a Man!” So, if she feels she is truly independent people will tell her, but you will never hear her cast that title on herself. It is the imbalanced and dysfunctional females playing dress-up in a real woman’s clothing that feel the need to shout how independent that they are. Because, in all honesty, an independent woman can’t wait for a man… THE RIGHT MAN…to come along and compliment her strength. When she feels safe enough, she will hand him her entire load and gladly let him have it so that she can be power woman at the office and a catered woman at night. So again… we mustn’t let our experiences overshadow the facts of the matter. If I let my experiences with dudes overshadow the facts of what a man is supposed to be…..we wouldnt even be having this conversation. So I’ll continue to separate dogs from men if you promise to separate faux females in dress-up mode from independent women. Because Independent woman does not mean independent from the love and support of a man, it means she is independent from the stereotypes placed on her by association with her gender and excels in spite of barriers. Capiche?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Capiche! You have my word and trust I’m not saying that I don’t have hope that I will one day find a woman of that caliber I just can’t speak on what hasn’t happened… But my eyes, heart and mind are open the very possibility of that opportunity…
Me: Until then… you can’t say that you have come in contact with an independent woman then. You have come in contact with women who are trying to prove that they are independent and failing miserably. lol
And then it hit me….. these guys are responding the way that they are because there are imposters out there wearing an Independent Woman’s clothes! Yes…. just as there are boys out there sporting a man’s attire, we have imposters on the woman’s side as well. So, the guys aren’t upset with a true independent woman, but rather her flunkie; her wanna be. This is completely understandable. And unfortunately, there is no way to show him what an independent woman is because much like good men, by the time the people who need to them they have stopped believing in their existence it is seeming too late because the indepedent women have given up. But there is hope.. I know there is. Like I said above, if I havent let me viewpoint of a man change because of a few bad ones, I just ask that men not let their view of the independent woman be tainted because a few imposters just can’t get it right. Each person is an individual and independent of your past relationships and experiences…. this is my belief.
A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. So, I thought of this question in early January and it has been sitting idly by in my blog cue for weeks. And then today I was sitting in my office listening to Pandora when India Arie‘s Talk to Her graced my headphones. [ To Read my blog about the lyrics, Click Here~> Lyrically Speaking:India Arie~Talk to Her]
It has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.
As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.
How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.
So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:
When choosing words to converse with a woman, have you ever said anything that you wouldn’t want said to you mother or your sister? If so, why did you say it to this woman? Send me a note for longer answers or clarification.
And their final answers were:
James F: the way i talk to other women and my mom is totally different…i mean im sure my mom has already heard some wild crazy things in her life so nah i dont even look at it like that…i say whatever i wanna say to women…she’s a woman she knows some of these b*tches and h*es aint sh*t….she tells me to beware of these lying ass scandalous b*tches she knows how some females can be
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I have never talked to any woman in a derogatory way……Its not my style. I was raised by Single Mom, GrandMa, Aunties, Cousins and Sisters.
Sincere: never, because i have a mother, sister, and daughter
”DUKE” BANNER: i must say, i have never disrespected my queen. i had a mother, i have a sister, niece ,even female cousins, you are my queen. never, no less, just like a queen. my conversation tells her how good she looks, how beautiful she is, what she means to me
Tony Raymond **Thank El Grego**: Yes, i have and just because she is a woman doesn’t mean i am speaking to my mother. I am speaking to that person not to the whole sex class nor would i use different words for specific groups. I know you females are made from a different cloth than everything on the earth but that doesn’t eliminate you from being told of ones feels or espressions. We all are created equal as we all deserve the same thing, spoke to the same way when warranted (doesn’t mean disrespectful) and treated like the person whom you are to me. I am speaking from a biblical point of view because i don’t do the Human point of view since its proven we can’t govern ourselves correctly.
K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: I AM A MASTER WITH WORDS, I JUST KNOW WHEN TO SAY AND LET MY ACTION SPEAK EVEN LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Esau M: i watch what i say because what u say can effect the outcome of a lot of things
James M: Yes, I have said things to a woman that I wouldn’t want said to my mother. They weren’t negative things but things said during sex or in intimate situations.
Lateef25: yeah, mostly about sex in the heat of the moment
Boss: NO, never
Hit me up on facebook-Uriel B: one time when I was talking with my home girl, I slipped and called my her a female dog but I apologized and told her that I didn’t mean to call her that
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: nah, i never did..but there r no words that shouldnt b said to certain ppl..now there r words that shouldnt b said by certain ppl..like im sure my Mom could b a bitch..but would i call her one..no!
RANDELL the caribbean prince[R]: no, because i watch wat i say
djmel1: yes, i have. no comment. the game is to be sold not to be told.
Code Name Bigsexy: well first off, you dont want to sleep with your mother. but if it works for the woman you talkin to then??
Delonte M: I simply talk to my female peers and my mother different because one is my female peer and one is my mother. However, It’s not in me to disrespect female peers that I respect. I’m not rude to women unless they deserve it.
rroyallty: im sure I have said some harsh things and hurt some feelings in the past. No one is perfect. But as I have matured, I have learned from my mistakes and improve on the present and future
Dezi: Yes, I have.
BIG SEKZI: nope
Sybree B: no, i dont disrespect the women in my family and i would advise the next man not to either.
…….: lol nothing wrong with a little talking dirty after dark.Nobody wants to ever envision there mother or sister hearing that kind of content.
Okay… so let me make myself clear, based on reading these comments. It is okay to talk differently to your woman in the privacy of your bedroom when it comes to talking dirty. Of course, we are not into the whole Oedipus complex…we must separate that part from our parents. But any other time when speaking to a person of the opposite sex do you show them the same respect that you would want shown to the women in your family?
I keep seeing a lot of my 200 men post that a woman needs to let a man be a man, and then when asked what that means, the man things that come up are for him to be a provider and a protector. If you are a man, you will provide and protect for every female that you come in contact with until she shows you that she is unworthy and then you stop and move on. Women are told all of the time to not brig baggage….men too have to learn to leave their baggage with the last woman who misused their chivalry and renew it with every new face that crosses their path. It is a cycle, you disrespect a sister of a guy who may one day date your sister and disrespect her and then children are born who watch disrespect being passed before them. Seems far-fetched but it isn’t. It is already happening.
Using James F’s comment from above, his mother knows that these bitches aint shit so he can talk to us ay kind of way, right ( speculating)? This is the frame of mind that is running rampid in our communities and the good women are getting hit with these bullets like a drive-by shooter with bad aim. This is erroneous behavior; no disrespect to his mother or her methods of raising her son. No, there are SOME women who are bitches that aint shit, just like SOME men are dogs. I was taught, put on your best behavior until other behavior is warranted. Meaning, instead of introducing yourself as an ass….treat this person with the utmost respect until they disrespect you. Then, and only then, should you have the CHOICE to be disrespectful back, but even then you have the opportunity to remain respectful and walk away leaving them in their ignorance. I am a strong believer that a MAN remains a man at all times, just as a WOMAN will remain a woman at all times. No one, and I mean no one but you should have the power to make you come out of the pocket of your character.
If this is your behavior… there is time and room to mature. The more respect that you put into the universe is the same amount that you will get back in return. This life we were given is a journey of learning. It is a HUGE goal of mine to get every guy to understand the meaning behind what he broadcasts about himself into the world. There are enough social programs and bitter women to take care of the girls… I think I am the Man Whisperer. I get why some of the behavior occurs, but want to help them to present the best THEM that there is to present. One guy wanting to be a man at a time.
“I WISH A NEGRO WOULD TOUCH MY HAIR AFTER I GOT IT DONE! “ is heard being yelled from a gaggle of African-American females at a brunch. “He better go get a white girl for that” is the follow-up by the freshly done, mohawked co-signer giving cliché snaps and hi-fives in my imaginary scenario. Yet, imaginary or not….at least ONE African-American sister reading this nodded her head in agreement at the reality of such statements before reaching the sentence about it being a made up scenario. We live here. Somewhere between I Wish A Nigga Would Blvd and Madame CJ Walker Ave where it has become okay for our crown and glory to remain nothing more than a show piece head-dress to be paraded in front of our kings like an artifact in a museum; on display but not to be touched. How’d we get here?
Did we get to this point from the hours upon hours of sitting next to the stove in the kitchen smelling dinner cook as your mom threatened to burn your neck if you didn’t lean your head all the way to the side as Blue Magic sizzled in your ear? Or was it the reoccurring echo of your mother yelling, “Dont let anyone play in your hair while you are at school” that has somehow follow you into adulthood, long after the threat of lice were gone? Or was it the old wives tales that your hair carries energy and not just anyone should be playing in your hair like it is recess? Whatever the case may be, if your man is good enough to play all up and through your candy land….why can’t he play in your naps? It sounds so silly once I put it that way doesn’t it? You can sleep with me, but don’t touch my hair. I mean, if we told inner city girls that they needed to care for their bush as much as they do their…well..bush, we may have more virgins in the world and cut down on the world population. Why can a man have sex with us… but can’t touch our hair? Strange…..very , very , strange.
Knowing the Black woman better than she knows herself ( yes, I’m black), I know for a fact that no matter how liberal she may think that she is… she would rather vote Palin in office with Bush as her VP and McCain as Secretary of Defense before she would ever want to see a Black man with a White woman. It is fact. Even the liberal ones cringe at first sight, evaluate a flaw in her, compare it to the flaw in him and then become okay with it. It’s because we wonder…..what in the hell does she have to make him cross melanin lines and date outside of the cotton field. It is not racial. It is a direct example of confusion between Black males and females personified and in the flesh and we are left to face it. When not in “mixed company” we share derogatory statements like nigger jokes at a country club amongst ourselves about how the White woman will do the stuff that we wont do , never seeing it as a negative for us but rather a negative for her. This isn’t intended to be racial as it is informative. Its Lisa Lamponelli , Carlos Mencia, Paul Mooney and Richard Prior on stage being copy/pasted into the privacy of our own homes. They say what we think…and even reveal what we have yet to understand.
I’m not a freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I often wonder what do people get out of the whole “pull my hair” segment of sex, I mean who does that? If this were a question on Jeopardy the answer would be “What is Shit that White people do?”. I’m tender headed. I don’t like to comb my hair when I HAVE to yet alone allow a guy to grip and cause alopecia traction baldness in a heat of passion. So what do people get out of that? I am soooooo serious when I ask this question. Outside of kinky violence, I can’t see much else being received from it. Or can I?… Nope, I can’t. But I do have a serious question to ask, a few actually.
Black ladies…..do you think that we lose a huge portion of our intimacy with our Black men because we often refuse to let them touch our hair? I mean… think about it. To a guy, touching your hair is a subtle way of him sending you a signal that he is feeling you. Swimming or sexual encounters in bodies of water or the shower is on the top of many men’s fantasy lists; seen Baywatch Lately? Men go crazy as a woman does a slow walk out of the water and pushes her hair out of her face. The slow hair blow as a woman gets out of the car was designed by a man, for a man as a way to seduce him via Yaky 1b natural. Yet, ladies…. most of us do not partake in any of these activities. I don’t care if a woman is natural or creamy cracked out…. several will not let her man touch her hair. WE have built up this impermeable wall of Pink Oil Moisturizer and Jam that most black men have learned before they were able to pee directly into the bowl that they do not touch a black woman’s hair. We have unconsciously trained our future kings that they can touch everything on his future queen’s body but her crown. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I mentioned this to my big brother on Sunday, and I promise you that if he had wings he would have jumped off the sofa in agreement and flown away. For a moment it looked as if he had caught the Holy Ghost, but it was just frustration releasing. He wasnt even paying attention to my side conversation with his wife…. but I ‘ll be damned if he wasnt fully listening now! lol. I wish I had recorded it just so that women could see the amount of energy and excitement he expressed to finally have a black women expressing his same sentiments. He said, “I would even go as far as to say that THIS (not touching a black woman’s hair) is why SOME black men date outside of the race.” There you have it… straight from the horse’s mouth! Ladies, here you have a black man telling you that he could understand why a black man would date outside of his race….just to feel someone’s hair/scalp… than to stick around and not be able to express his silent form of affection to you. I’ve even posted this question on Twitter and got blocked from tweeting because I ran out of my daily allotted tweets by responding to the sea of guys who said that they wished they could touch their girl’s hair/head. I posted it again today and will see what happens.
So in closing, Black women… we’ve got to do better when it comes to allowing our kings to touch our hair. Maybe let him touch it for the few days leading up to a retouch, or right after you get it washed. Maybe this is the connection that we need to re-establish in order to allow intimacy to flow from a natural place, unrestricted by social taboos and norms. Maybe, and just maybe this will cause Mr. Lynch to shake in his grave if we can get one woman to allow her man to run his fingers through her hair. Would it hurt us to share this portion of ourselves? Would it kill us to open of a gateway to intimacy that hasn’t been there since the invention of a hot comb? Can we learn that there are things far more important than our hair? I hope so……your relationship is counting on it. And I am not asking you to let everyone touch your hair… just your man. SO yes, if the complete stranger (white woman) standing behind you at the Reagan National Airport decides amongst her friends that you have beautiful hair and decides to reach out and run her fingers through your hair…..(This happened to me)…..just breathe before you commit a felony. Everyone is not as restrictive as we are about our hair….and this is the day that you may need to examine why. It is my suggestion that we ask ourselves if this is the cause of why black love has a “loc” on intimacy.
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 
2Deep, aunt, bad, baffled, Behavior, bitch, blog, boy, boyfriend, broadcast, brothers, chivalry, choice, comments, community, concern, conversation, converse, cousin, cycle, cyclical, dating, daughter, differece, disconnect, disrespect, family, Female, fiacee, Fiance, gentleman, Girl, girlfriend, good, grandmother, Hoe, husband, India Arie, intimacy, intimate, It Takes a Village, learn, like, male, man, Marriage, morals, mother, Oedipus, OEdipus Rex, parenting, partner, People, postaday2011, protect, provide, raised, regard, relate, relationship, respect, responsibility, self-esteem, self-respect, Sibling, sister, speaking, spouse, Talk To Her, talking, taught, the poetess, upbringing, Village, Woman, words, writing, youth
200 Men Said…..Oedipus’s Words
In 200 Men Said.... on 8 February 2011 at 12:00 amIt has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.
As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.
How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.
So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:
And their final answers were:
Related Articles
Share this:
Like this: