200 Men Said….Words vs Actions

If I read one more “Don’t Play Games With Your Man, But Fake an Orgasm to Keep Him” self-help book I think that I will crawl in a cave with Osama and start learning his techniques to torture relationship gurus! (ONLY RELATIONSHIP GURUS, people….its just a joke. And to the IT people on my job reading this… JOKE! Like, HAHAHA, funny.)

        Believe it or not, a ton of these books, mainly the ones written by men, are the most confusing books in the world! Dont play games, but keep him chasing you. You do know that suggests that I shouldnt be open about the way I feel because he may not be ready for that , therefore play like I am so hard to catch when I am really sitting by the phone watching Real Housewives ignoring his call. One will say keep the cookies in a cookie jar while another will tell you that a man loves intimacy and will not marry you unless he knows what ingredients your cookies are created from. Hmmm.. cant wait to see that on the Food Network. lmao! And my all time favorite source of advice is that you should watch what a man does and not what he says. What kind of schitzo fuckery is that all about? So my man says he’ll be home for dinner at 5pm so I don’t have dinner ready because I need to see what time he actually shows up? My man says he doesn’t love me but he sleeps with me every night so I should stay around based on what he is doing? LMAO!!! I know I joke a lot but My name is NOT Boobisha The Fool. None of that makes sense at all to me. I am trying to wrap my head around it, but it’s just not stretching.

       I think that a man’s words should match with his actions. And since no one is perfect, when they don’t match a woman should seek clarification and the lines of communication should be there to ensure that they are on the same note. If they never realign…then it is time to bounce. And yes, I know that nothing in life is ever that simple, but the principle remains the same, either you are or you are not…and there is no in between. This is why the status “Its Complicated” on social networks bother me… negro either you are single or you are not. Sneaking in the bathroom to call your jump off but whispering you love her is a pure contradiction because you should be man enough to say it out loud. YEH, I SAID IT… MAN ENOUGH!!! *wipes nose with back of hand thug style* AND WHAT?!

       So, while writing my blog 200 Men Said…. Let a Man be a Man [<~Come Back later for link] I came across a comment by Chub L where he said:

” Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.”

       And it hit me….. time to ask my 200 men their opinion. I wanted to know that if their actions were the opposite of what they felt and their words conflicted…. which version of the situation should I pay attention to. So, I asked:

If your words and actions were to contradict each other after an argument, which would you want your girlfriend to pay the MOST attention to? Your Words or your Actions? Why?

       Yes, I can admit that this is a loaded, and seemingly unfair question to ask… but life isn’t fair.. lmao. I actually want to see who will fight against the grain and say “both”. I also want to see the reasons they give, if any for picking one over the other. So, after about an hour of asking this question…. the answers started to roll in. And the men said….

• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Pay More attention to my actions first then my words. People may just do things without an understanding of saying to them or having it be felt rather than heard!
•  Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I just think you should put more effort in making the two meet… If you say for example that you love some… your actions should show that and if they don’t you should work at it, not just expect someone to accept that they don’t…
• DSMILEY1 :  My words; because communication is the key 
• Lateef25:  A combination
• Vince V: If this was something that happened between my girl and I, I would want her to point this out so we could straighten out the situation. Because I like to back up my words with my actions so she can trust everything i tell her and i can stay true to being a man of my word.
• James F: I want her to pay attention to both;words and actions. Both mean something
•  …….: Neither,why would you take someone confused seriously?
• rroyallty: They won’t contradict. When I say what I have to say my actions will follow. There is no in between. She needs to follow both cuz they will be in unison
• Code Name Bigsexy: Both, because if I do something other than what I say there should be a problem.You got to talk the talk and walk the walk
• MR. LOVING: Now if they were to contradict then it would be up to her.
• James M: If they contradicted..pay the most to actions because actions don’t lie.
•  CHRIST-O: MY ACTIONS, A MOUTH CAN SAY ANYTHING
• Aries Brotha: My actions. I’m one of those guys that when I’ve lost my cool. I can’t convey what I wanna say. So it’s best to read my body language, and adjust yourself accordingly. More times than not I’ll just shut down and just sit there while they talk.

 

And my FAVORITE response came from my residential comedian:

 

• Chub L: my words. I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, but please be gutsy and work with both – women are famous for multi-tasking. Multi-task that.

 

        So, after a few examples, it is nice to see that my previous prediction held true. Majority of the men said both because their words and their actions should be in alignment. So i was validated in some way. A man’s words and his actions should be in accord with one another majority of the time. But as we all know, no one is perfect. A man will act out should his pride or emotions come in jeopardy and those actions may be in total conflict with what it is that he actually means. This is a defense mechanism. You’ve seen it. The guy standing on the block with his boys, sees a fine woman and she turns him down and he immediately yells, “I didn’t want your ugly ass any way.” We all know that he did and that the girl wasnt ugly…. but those actions didn’t match with how he really felt. So, what do you do with his words and his actions are in contradiction with one another?

 

       Some say listen to my words, while others say watch my actions, but who do we believe? People can do anything and say just about anything. I think it then becomes time for the woman to live in reality and not fantasy. What has his track record shown you? Has he kept his promises ( which, oddly enough, takes action after speaking words)? Has his actions been that of respect and integrity? And do you want a person who says things but doesn’t follow through? Or do you want a guy who never says the right things but puts things into action? Like “…….” said, why do you want to deal with such confusion? That coming from a man. It is up to you as to which to believe, or listen to more, and you have to live with the choices you make. But Like Aries Brother said, sometimes he cant say what it is that he feels but he may be open to showing you. So ladies you must be open to looking for visual communication as well. Every man will not be the best communicator and you have to adapt to that as well.  Every man is very different so what worked with the last man may not work with this man. But my 200 men have proven that a real man will seldom contradict himself. If he says he loves you, then he will show it. If he shows that he loves you…..be patient, he will eventually say it.

 

I thank my 200 Men for being honest.

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Dear (Majority of) White People……

       So-Shall I be the first to point out that  yes, the title may seem just a tad bit racist. Well.. I’m not racist! Some of my closest friends are white! And no, I am not making a generalized statement for ALL white people, but yes, this does apply to MOST white people. Shoot me on being Politically Incorrect later… right now… I’m venting.

        So this blog comes from the fact that for the past two days/years I have been the victim of Caucasian Anti-Conflict measures, aka Passive-Aggressive, aka That Bull SHit! I don’t do well with beating around the bush. I am perfectly happy with just setting the whole damn bush on fire and letting the truth burn or confess what the hell is on its mind. hahaha a Burning Bush sounds so Biblical…but modernized concept. Point blank…. I don’t like it and it drives me up the wall.

        Where does this come from? I could turn completely militant and ask ” are you that afraid of black people, or conflict in general, that you would rather appear to be a strong force while turning female dog behind closed doors”? You do know that I have no source of respect for anyone who participates in this kind of action. It shows weakness, it creates animosity, it creates a divide in whatever form of trust that may have been present before you turned bitch. And I am not saying this as a minority woman, but as a person in general, I like people in authority to be in authority and not to abuse the power.

         When I came to this position at my job I worked under a very powerful, strong-willed, and intelligent African-American woman. Now, my other African-American women know that this in and of itself could pose as a recipe for disaster in the work place. Well try two black women at the head of your division. I just knew I wasnt going to make it through this experience without getting arrested, but I was sadly mistaken. These two black women were some of my best bosses in my whole employment history. They were direct, they were quick in correcting the issue and you never were in the dark about what your tasks were, how they felt about you, and what it was that was coming down the pipeline. I LOVED that. They put out the fire before the gasoline was even ciphered out of the ground, they didn’t wait for the match to be lit after the situation was drenched in octane. I felt very accomplished working under the two of them and I got a ton of work done. This is the type of environment that I thrive in; directness, preciseness, and honesty.

        But this joy was short-lived as one boss got a job in another division and the HWIC retired. We then got this younger Caucasian male to replace her. I was like, okay, new experience but I will embrace it.  But now!…..please bring my two black women back!!!!!!! Between his indecisiveness, his two-faced ways, his cutting you off in the middle of conversations, and his bold face lying…. I just can’t take the Passive-Aggressive measures that he is already taking as the new lead of my division. I can’t do it…. then his elderly mini-me who follows behind him drives me absolutely up the wall….let me explain.

        I am, if nothing else, a very direct & consistent woman…if I say that I will do something then that is exactly what I am going to do unless a force of God takes that power away from me. So, if I am going to be late, sick, or stuck in traffic I text, email, or call my Caucasian supervisor and let him know…he’s the elderly mini-me. I have sent emails and text messages at 4am as I head to the ER or 6am while I am having an asthma attack on my bathroom floor. I’ve even texted him, WHILE DRIVING…which is ILLEGAL…if I am stuck in this horrible DMV traffic just so that they are aware of where I am. All this to say….they know where I am. So dude, if you don’t hear from me saying that I am running late, that means that I am in the office somewhere and all you need to do is leave me the hell alone. But noooooooooooo this fossil decides to walk past my office to the office behind me, which is a dead-end, and then turn back just to say good morning and walks back to his desk. Or if I am on the phone and a meeting has started he walks over and tells me that I need to get off the phone because a meeting is going on ( never mind the fact that this phone call pertains to information that I need to share in the meeting as soon as it is completed).  Or an office email is sent out and he has to walk over and tell me the very same damn thing that the email says… FOOL YOU HIRED ME BECAUSE I CAN READ!!!! This nonsense gets old, annoying, and mentally challenging. 

        When there is a situation that needs to be resolved I feel like I am floating in the middle of Kat Stacks vag. I have walked to my elderly supervisor with concerns and problems asking for his assistance just to have him tell me that I need to suck it up. I have sent emails and documented issues that have stressed me out, made my working conditions unbearable and that have almost made me choose to quit just to have him sit on them and say that we are here to please the company. But when those very problems are brought to him because they have escalated and I am now in trouble… NOW he comes to me and wants to set the record straight. Do you all know that I am on probation at work because this pale fart failed to do his due diligence as my supervisor and ensure that I was covered!!! He walks into meetings like he has never heard my concerns and turns shocked that this is even happening and throws me under the fucking bus!!!! I HATE THIS MESS! This type of behavior will get his 2 days from shaking God’s hand in person ass pushed down an elevator shaft! WHO DOES THAT?!!! My head boss sat in front of us yesterday and asked for another co-worker in front of everyone. That co-worker comes into the office and mentions that she heard she was being looked for and he lied to her face. But then he calls his mini-me into the office and we get a discussion about being on time.

        Dear White People…. don’t do that shit! When I walk into a meeting and you make a generalized statement, it goes right over my head because I know what you once told me and I stick with that. When I ask you if it is me and for specific details, dont generalize me because you will get generally ignored. For example, I was told that my friendship with another employee was a conflict of interest…but when I asked what aspects of that friendship so that I could fix the situation, I was told that it was no big deal. If it is no big deal why the hell are you sitting with me in an office telling me that there is a problem with my damn friendship? Then when I say that I will stop being friends with this person they tell me to stop being dramatic and all of that is no necessary. WELL, DAMN IT THEN TELL ME WHAT PART I NEED TO FIX because my job is not worth me losing over a friendship that I only have when I am in the office, nor is my healthy or parole record worth damaging because you can’t make up your damn mind.

        So, speak to me directly. Conflict is good… that shows me that you are human, that you have opinions and that I cant run all over you. I respect logical conflict….but this Passive-Aggressive nonsense causes me to lose all respect for you, what you stand for and you will get nothing out of me. Change this up. I shouldnt always have to conform to the ways of the world….sometimes the ways of the world need to acknowledge that you are incorrect, flat-out wrong and do something to correct it. That is my thought. And Scene!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~