So, by now I pray that you have read my blog called “You Killed Chivalry, You Bastard!”. If not, I suggest you head on over there and get to reading so you can know where this stems from. Don’t worry… we won’t wait for you to return, but the blog will still be here when you do.
Now, as I mentioned in last month’s blog, (You Killed Chivalry You Bastard, Pt 1)YKCYB for short, I HAD to take this to my 200 Men, it wouldn’t have been right for me to take my “I am Woman Hear Me Roar” stance without consulting the world’s top male perspective…lol. Buuuuuuuut I must confess, they don’t know why I asked them. I pretty much assume that they think that every question I ask them is something that has personally happened to me. Boy, they must think I am jacked up. Well, the truth of the matter is, not all of what I ask has happened to me, and I hold the key to which of it has……and judging by YKCYB, this one happened to me. But, like I said…..I didn’t need for my 200 Men to know that from the jump. I wanted their pure and honest answer on the situation, without me swaying what asshole did to provoke me to ask the question in the first place. I must say, my 200 men never let me down.
So, I asked the following question:
Do you, as a man, think that a man should open all car doors for a female….no matter if she is a driver or passenger? And should he ALWAYS open these doors?
And they came back with…… (Warning, I do not edit or proofread majority of their responses…lol): Read the rest of this entry »
So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?
Okay…I’m a big girl, I can admit when I need help. So, I needed help trying to figure out what this meant. Because in all honesty, in woman code, this translates to “Shut up woman and fix me some food”. You might as well call me a bitch and put me in geisha make-up. The phrase almost implies that a woman has the power to stop you from being a man, which then suggests the question of “why should I be with you if I can stop you from being a man?”. No, don’t shoot the messenger… I’m just saying…this phrase is looking a little swiss cheese-ish to me.
Well, when I hear it I speculate that he means that he needs to be in control at that moment, or that I have stepped on his manhood a little too much. That is all I can do….. speculate. But… I also think that there are several different ways to let a man be a man, and each one is a sign of how much of a man the woman is dealing with. For instance, my godmother has this way of politely saying my godfather’s name that will shut the sentence down and change the topic. She was letting him be the man, in my opinion, but not embarrassing him nor letting him embarrass himself. He still got to maintain his pride. I have never , and I mean NEVER seen her raise her voice at him. Now what goes on in the privacy of that bedroom when you hear her call his name politely down the hall….that is on them. I am sure they have had disagreements… I have never seen it. The one thing that I have caught by accident is when my dad left his wallet at home after she reminded him to get it, he didn’t. So we’re at the restaurant and he is entertaining friends and family and the check comes. My mother knew what was about to happen, and I saw her playing around in her purse and then she slipped her credit card under the table and into his lap under his hand without missing a beat. THAT was letting my father remain a man so that he could place the card on the table and pay the bill. But, in letting him be a man, she had to be a woman to see what was needed and assist him. I have a STRONG feeling that guys around my age don’t see that as the definition of Letting a Man be a Man. So I asked them.
I asked my 200 Men…..
On my last question I saw pretty much the same response. What does “let the man be the man” mean to you and what should a woman do, or not do, to let the “man be the man”?
And since I never read the comments until I come back through to edit the formatting of the post…. I have no clue what you are about to read. The 200 Men Said….
Danny P: All of this isn’t this complicated. When it’s right, the two involved in the relationship are who they are and the couple is still one. All this [means is] let [it] be [the way in] which [it] is… if [letting] the person be who they are is [them being a ] cheating fool or something… well uh duh
Allen Ozark: ??? not sure.
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Its means, let the man think he’s in control even if you’re in control. Also, all duties that are designed for a man…let him do them even if you’re better. Eventually, if he’s a real man he’ll admit that you’re better at whatever and come to you for assistance, and rightfully so. [2Deep: This man never ceases to amaze me. But let him be in control even when he isnt…..isnt that lying? lol. Okay, Lie to my man. Check!]
DSMILEY1: Let the man be the man: in charge of houses chores like cutting the grass & washing the cars. Sometimes its good to switch out but [it] wouldn’t be the same
: !: it means if you have a Real Man, he leads the household in decisions..basically the King..but that doesn’t mean he is a tyrant. He should listen to advice from his wife and make good decisions. Basically, the way the Bible portrays it.
Lateef25: maybe not nag so much about what you want. just tell him in a nice way or let it go
Kycajrome L: I believe [it] comes from the Old school archetype of when the Man was the provider and fixer of everything in the household…depending how a man was raised some still hold those values ,times are a little diff, but old or new ,Respect is what a MAN wants
on the rocks…: that statement is self explanatory.far be it for a man to explain what it is to be a man.especially to woman these days. they seem to have their own blueprint for us.lol ..check every 3rd female profile and it’ll have a laundry list of what a “REAL” man is
Now you all know that I wasnt going to just STOP at some of these answers. So some side conversations came from them and they went a little something like this:
Vince V: I think that those answers are coming from men who feel insecure about their position in the household and basically wants the woman to run everything through him and let him have the final say so in what goes on in their relationship. when in my opinion a secure man who has good communication with his partner would trust his woman to be able to act as an extension of him to make good decisions with both his and her best interest at heart , but communication being the key. [2Deep: I simply love this answer…. he can stay…lmao]
Me: Sooooooooooo I noticed you said that a “woman to be able to act as an extension of him” What does that mean? And why cant it be the other way around? Just playing devil’s advocate here
Vince V: ok miss devil’s advocate….lol Traditionally the man would always be considered the head of the household because he was the bread-winner. but as times have changed and women have become less dependent on men; whether it be cause of equality between men and women, or financial responsibilities within a relationship. the level of the playing field has evened out, and either one could be considered the “head”. but sticking with tradition, even though the field is even, with the male being the head; any actions performed by the woman would be considered “okayed” by the man, to anyone outside that relationship. which would mean she was just doing it for him cause he cant get to it. Now it can work the other way around but then that would not be a traditional type relationship, plus then you might have a man with a really hurt ego about holding up the appearance of being the man of the house.
Me: Soooooooo what is a woman not suppose to do without her man’s permission?
Vince V: have sex with someone else….j/k lol a woman doesn’t need her man’s permission to do anything….but a woman or a man in a good relationship keeps open lines of communication with each other. especially when decisions that are to be made affect one another.
Me: Okay….so to let a man be a man is to keep an open line of communication with him. That’s it? ( I swear you’re gonna get sick of me…lol) But I am trying to make sure that I understand before I post it.
Vince V: no, to let a man be a man is to let him run everything and make all the decisions and don’t question the things that he does. but i would personally like having the input of my woman in every decision that i make for us, and vice versa .
Me: How is THAT being a man?!!! That sounds like a dictatorship!!!!! OH I SWEAR YALL WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!! lmao
that is just the way life has traditionally put men with women. but like i said, as for me ,i like having the input of my woman cause i feel like it keeps us closer and more in touch with each other
Me: Gotcha! No prob….. I thought that you had great insight… My readers should hear it. Oh.. wait.. my fault. I didn’t let the man be the man. *submits* am I allowed to put your comment on my page? lmao!
Vince V was my favorite response, but I simply had to post my comments from Chub L. He keeps me cracking up and yet he still knows when to be serious. So here are his responses:
Chub L: Let the man be the man – let him get that door etc… Let him do for you what you shouldn’t have to do for yourself as his queen.
Me: That was your answer…. so what am I not suppose to do for myself as his queen?
Chub L:In the world that we live in today – It’s basically everybody for themselves, but my queen shouldn’t have to get her own door, ever. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I don’t have a problem with a woman’s independence at all. Whatever my independent queen will allow me to do for her is gravy. No qualms here. I’m open-minded – we can get the darn door for each other.
Me: So, it really is that important to a man to feel needed in a relationship? But is it just with tangible things? Does a man ever feel the need to be needed emotionally? Meaning, if she doesn’t want you to get the door but needs you to hold her every night… would you feel like less of a man?
Chub L: Being emotionally needed is even more of a necessity. The Queen needs for her king to not only be her rock while she’s awake -but to rock her to sleep and all the more rock her while she’s asleep. It is for the good of both. If my queen is kept happy then hence I will also be kept happy.
So, then… why do you think so much emphasis is placed on a man doing tangible things versus him being there for her in the emotional times?
Chub L : I haven’t got a clue – I can only speak for me – I do both. Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.
Soooooooo are you still as confused as I am? I don’t want to be alone, so don’t leave me out here alone on Confusion Island. I mean, I get it…. but I don’t get it. So, as long as I allow my man to do “things” for me, then he feels like a man and all is gravy. So, I shouldnt have to touch a door in the presence of a man, pull out a chair, or cut my grass ( I don’t know, so I am halfway there), and let him make all of the decisions. I have a feeling that there is a gray area here that is in need of a dye job. It can’t be that friggin simple. So if I live by these few rules I am allowing my man to be a man? SWEET!
Okay, all jokes aside. I think it all boils down to respect. Do I respect my man to hear him out when he verbalizes his needs? Do I validate him when needed? Does he have an equal part in this relationship? I think THAT is where his concerns lay. Anything else is a dictatorship and it isnt going to happen over here. Respect for Respect should be the basis on which this blog should be concluded to. And Scene.
So, while on Twitter I asked some of my female followers to hit me up with questions that they wanted my 200 men to answer and I have several questions to ask until I die…lol. But one was in reference to the place of an independent woman in a relationship. Other questions trickled from that one question, but this post will be specifically about an independent woman in her relationship.
Often times we hear how you have to be an independent woman, learn to stand on your own two feet, don’t rely on a man because all men are dogs yadda, yadda, yadda. Then on the flip side, we must learn how to Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. How can I when no one is wanting to give up the man code? lol. Just kidding. But in all seriousness…. the world, right on down to the Bible thumpers, would have you believing that in order to be in a committed relationship you must relinquish your feminine family jewels and trade them in for a hot stove, bare feet and Kate plus 8. How 50’s is that. My last name is NOT Stepford. So, are we allowing the world to tell females everywhere that they cannot excel in order to make a man’s ego feel at ease just to have a relationship? I hope not, because then I am going lesbian.
There has to be a balance, right? There has to be a time where a woman can handle business like a strong and independent woman during the day and be able to submit to her man. Notice I said submit.. not bow down to, not stand behind, not be belittled by. I left my father’s house because I was grown… I BE DAMNED if I go into another man’s house and feel as if I can’t be the strong person that MY FATHER raised me to be in opposition of many of these knuckle heads. So, you actually have the good fathers to blame…lol. And yes, I know I am exaggerating, but if the exaggeration can be handled then everything else will be cleared up in its path as well.
So…. 200 Men were asked:
Often times black women are made to feel bad for being independent women. Do you think that there is a place for an independent woman in a relationship w/ a man or does she have to change?
Ladies, back away from anything that has breath and high levels of testosterone. TRUST ME on this one. I havent even read the comments yet, I never read them before I write my part, so I have no clue what is going to be said.
My men responded with:
DSMILEY1: I like independent women because it makes us grow faster & makes life easier on choices we make together
Chub L: There is nothing wrong with being independent, but also allow a real man to be the man. Hey it’s truly a new day in our wonderful society for different levels off independence, but chivalry does not have to die in order for independence to live.
Kycajrome L: I almost want to say this is a silly question but, I know better, LOL so i’ll say if [you’re] independent you won’t feel bad about being you (with out an attitude)…if some else can’t handle it….
MIAMI’S SON IS BACK !!!: are u serious !! you took the time to ask me that dumb ass question!! but its called self-esteem, meaning the esteem of ones self. so if you have to ask that question, then your not independent !!!! your a poor excuse of a person [2Deep: I had to rip him a new one separately. Funny how people assume that all of these questions are personally mine. I have women sending me questions on Twitter, and even if someone asks, it could be for research purposes and it doesn’t make them dumb.. like this ass! That’s why I am not going to correct his grammar errors. Because if you’re going to call someone else dumb you might want to know how to use “you’re”…lmao!]
!: Never a problem for an independent woman being in a relationship but when it comes to the household, she needs to realize the man is the head of household, it’s a reason God set it that way…just like in all other species. You [can’t] have 2 leaders.
dorrance: yes but u have 2 make time for each other if not then, no, it wont work
DJ Urban Cowboy: I don’t think any [man] wants a woman who can’t support herself. There is little room to flaunt or boast your independence. If [you’re] so independent that you have to boast about it, then you don’t need your man.
Marcel: If a woman would allow herself to be made to feel in such a manner because of her independence then that is not at all a woman. A woman knows what its is in which she desires, wants and deserves.
Code Name Bigsexy: THERE IS ROOM.BUT I THINK THE WOMAN STILL HAS TO LET THE MAN BE THE MAN
Vince V: Yes there is a place for her. as long as she is not always throwing it up in the mans face like she doesnt need him for anything and vice versa. because that would be a lie. to make a “relationship” work it takes 2 people, being there for each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. and no neither person should have to change period unless they want to for some reason. i embrace the independent black women. i think that Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabolous state it best in Ne-Yo’s “Independent Remix”
My FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM:
CHRIST- O: I DONT WANT A WOMAN THAT CANT STAND ON HER OWN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN HAS A GLOW ABOUT HER THATS WHY SHE STANDS OUT IN A CROWD. TWO INDEPENDENT PPL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE.
Get your glow on ladies!!!
Okay… so I lied.. I ended up reading this one as I was going back and editing. I love this one too:
Prestige “The One And Only”: She never has to change, a real woman will never have to compromise who she is naturally. Independent, stubborn, opinionated…is sexy and a black woman will and should remain such while still being able to allow a man to play his role as a provider.
(This comment sparked another question that will come up in a future blog. [Will post link Here])
And of course, when a response catches my attention, I have to jump in and get clarification. So I began a conversation below:
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I know I’m late on this one but I had to really think on it… I don’t think there is anything wrong with an independent woman in or out of a relationship but I don’t think some woman should get into a relationship if they just feel like they don’t want someone they can lean on when they need too. Some women take it to a certain level that can sometimes make their man or anybody feel unnecessary…. Just for example, sometimes the simplest thing like allowing a man to open a door for them… I have experienced women who actually give off an attitude when I have tried to do things like that… And I’m like “Wow, you don’t even want your door opened? That makes you less independent?” And I just think women go overboard with the “Independent Woman” thing.
Me: How are they going overboard?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: They are going overboard because they are starting to take men being polite and chivalrous as trying to impede on their independence.
Me: Oh okay, so how does it make you feel when a woman does that? And how can she be independent and make her man feel validated at the same time?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Everybody wants to feel needed by the person they are with and any real man would be impressed with a woman who can handle her own but if she makes him feel as though he is unnecessary that’s when it gets to be a problem… It’s the simple things… let him open a door, lift a box, yes a woman can do it for herself but a gentleman should never let her. I’m begging women in my life now to do their part in reviving and keeping chivalry alive.
Me: So it makes you feel needed? And you like doing those things? Do you ever think to give her emotional support too? Or must it always be tangible things?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I’m not in a relationship now… but when I was I was more than capable of giving emotional support… but try giving that to a woman who feels like she being babied if a man is just concerned about her. For example I may say “baby are you alright?” because I sense something is wrong with her… her response may be something like “don’t worry about me I’m gonna always be ok… So what am I here for if I don’t or can’t do anything for you?
So, That is a testament to the type of woman who you chose to be with… that is NOT an independent woman. That is a dysfunctional female…lmao!
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Well when they are addressed they identify themselves as independent woman… and if that the case I would hate to view every woman who came off “overly independent” as “dysfunctional women” But I will if I have too…LOL Now on the other hand if you are implying that “independent women” as a whole have perfect balance we would have to agree to disagree and I would do so purely from my personal experiences.
Me: I disagree because a person who must announce does not or is not. You don’t go around on a daily basis shouting “I’m a Man!” So, if she feels she is truly independent people will tell her, but you will never hear her cast that title on herself. It is the imbalanced and dysfunctional females playing dress-up in a real woman’s clothing that feel the need to shout how independent that they are. Because, in all honesty, an independent woman can’t wait for a man… THE RIGHT MAN…to come along and compliment her strength. When she feels safe enough, she will hand him her entire load and gladly let him have it so that she can be power woman at the office and a catered woman at night. So again… we mustn’t let our experiences overshadow the facts of the matter. If I let my experiences with dudes overshadow the facts of what a man is supposed to be…..we wouldnt even be having this conversation. So I’ll continue to separate dogs from men if you promise to separate faux females in dress-up mode from independent women. Because Independent woman does not mean independent from the love and support of a man, it means she is independent from the stereotypes placed on her by association with her gender and excels in spite of barriers. Capiche?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Capiche! You have my word and trust I’m not saying that I don’t have hope that I will one day find a woman of that caliber I just can’t speak on what hasn’t happened… But my eyes, heart and mind are open the very possibility of that opportunity…
Me: Until then… you can’t say that you have come in contact with an independent woman then. You have come in contact with women who are trying to prove that they are independent and failing miserably. lol
And then it hit me….. these guys are responding the way that they are because there are imposters out there wearing an Independent Woman’s clothes! Yes…. just as there are boys out there sporting a man’s attire, we have imposters on the woman’s side as well. So, the guys aren’t upset with a true independent woman, but rather her flunkie; her wanna be. This is completely understandable. And unfortunately, there is no way to show him what an independent woman is because much like good men, by the time the people who need to them they have stopped believing in their existence it is seeming too late because the indepedent women have given up. But there is hope.. I know there is. Like I said above, if I havent let me viewpoint of a man change because of a few bad ones, I just ask that men not let their view of the independent woman be tainted because a few imposters just can’t get it right. Each person is an individual and independent of your past relationships and experiences…. this is my belief.
I searched high and low for a song that I thought would speak of a woman’s worth that was not sung by Maxwell or Alicia Keys. I also wanted to mix that with a song that sang of an appreciation for an independent woman who was not put to a rap beat or came within ten feet of Destiny’s Child or Ne-Yo. So one day, listening to my Rhapsody playlist I came across one of my favorite singers, Lyfe Jennings, and his song Hero. Eureka! This is what the juggling of one’s balls must feel like… because I got a great feeling in my happy place when I heard this song. I thought…. this is as subliminal of a message as you can get when it comes to being an independent woman.
Tomorrow you will get to read my blog about what 200 Men Said…. An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here to Read]….but today I wanted to celebrate her. I wanted to celebrate the independent woman free of a bitter bitch anthem and really vibe out to her without even saying the words “independent woman”…well, outside of this intro. Because a REAL independent woman does, a wannabe shouts about it. You will NEVER hear a REAL independent woman claim the title, but everyone else will call her one. It is in the core of who she is and everyone around her can feel her independent power and never feel negated by that power. And I wanted to celebrate her with a Lyrically Speaking song that many may not have heard;I think that Lyfe did a wonderful job in capturing that.
I see the opening of the video very reminiscent of a Superman meets Clark Kent moment. She should start in her Clark Kent stage with her hair down, cute little house dress via Victoria Secrets. Nothing kinky looking but short and regular but still seductive in nature. Think, her wearing his button-up or his college football jersey, etc. The shot should be Lyfe sitting at the kitchen table finishing off dinner as he starts singing and then gets up to put his plate in the sink walking directly up behind his “Hero”. And he should grab her and maaaaaaybe give her a pelvic thrust on the last line.
Verse 1
Superman can’t cook chicken like this, (this)* And Wonder Woman can’t french kiss, (kiss) Aladdin only gave me one wish (wish), That’s yo body
She playfully pushes him away and starts to back up because she knows where this is heading. Lyfe follows and presses her up against the wall just as he says the last line.
Spiderman don’t forgive me when I’m wrong, (wrong) Batman don’t look good in that thong, (thong) Catwoman don’t keep me rock this long (long) That’s yo body
Then I think that he should stay still as she leaves from under him. He then turns and leans on the wall where she once was as there is a speed reel like in Adam Sandler’s movie CLICK where he presses fast forward and everything but him speeds up. His “Hero” is shown getting the kids ready for extracurricular activities like football and karate practice, leaving to take them and returning. Leaving to get groceries, and returning with bags. She drops one in fast mode and “Regular Speed” Lyfe catches the bag and sets it on the counter. She’s even seen cleaning the house and putting the kids to bed before it comes back to regular speed as she is closing the door to the kids’ room; throughout this Lyfe is walking regular speed.
[Chorus:] It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty It’s the hero song everybody sing along. You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away. You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray, The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.
She is seen walking seductively down the hallway headed towards Lyfe who is sitting at a keyboard. She places a bowl of soup on the table next to him right before she straddles across his lap and they are looking into his each other’s eyes before they kiss. Lyfe picks her up and walks over to the bed and gently lays her down as the shot pans beyond him to the window to watch the sky change from night to day.
Verse 2
Wolverine can’t cheer me up when I’m sad, (sad) Captain America can’t slow dance, (dance) Hulk can’t make a boy feel like a man (man) That’s Yo body
Aguaman can’t work a job with two kids, (kids) Iceman can’t cook soup when I’m sick, (sick) Wonder Twins don’t know how to work this stick (stick, stick) That’s yo body
[CHORUS]
It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty It’s the hero song everybody sing along. You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away. You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray, The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.
As the view pans back out Lyfe is laying in bed by himself asleep as she walks into view fully dressed for work but now she is in Superman mode; hair in a bun, power suit, and heels with brief case. She shakes him and walks out of the room. Now every shot her “Superman” outfit changes. She gets to the hallway to call for the kids and she looks like a Doctor, walks into the kitchen to hand them their lunches and she now looks like a police offer. Walking to the front door she looks like a waitress. By then Lyfe has made it there and given her a kiss and as the shot goes to her pulling back from the kiss in front of the open door.The next shot is her outside as she closes the front door to head to the car as a pregnant stay-at-home mom.
Up and away (up and away) off to work she leaves, back at four thirttttttty, we’ll make love till we fall asleep, when we wake up, she’ll put on that cape again, me and my hero, me and angel, me and my girl and my best friend.
Lyfe goes into the kitchen and pours himself a bowl of cereal and walks into the family room and sits on the couch during this next few bars.
You are my hero (hero) you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, the greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away, you are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray. the greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away. (yeah)
Just as he sits, his “Hero” is seen walking into the house with the 3 kids running past her, no longer pregnant. She stops in the doorway and she undoes the bun in her hair as Lyfe calls her into the family room where Captain America & Friends is on TV. She is now back in the same mode that she was in at the start of the video; loose hair, glasses, and comfortable cute house dress with footy socks. She sits down & cuddles next to him and he hands her the bowl of cereal and wraps his arms around her as the song goes off.
Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing along Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing … Shorty this the hero song everybody sing along, Shorty this the hero song, thank you for singing along
Yeh…. if I had a say so in the video…. that is EXACTLY how I would direct it. I think it tells a tale of how the every day woman can, in fact, be a hero. These are the unsung independent women that don’t seek praise nor boast about their independent power, but they are independent women just the same. I don’t know Lyfe’s intentions when he wrote the song, but I am in LOVE with it. It is my own personal anthem because this is the kind of woman who I am and would like to continue to be. So, I salute Lyfe for this song and I salute the true independent women who don’t apologize for being the women that they are because they don’t have to. And that is said without attitude or pride. Dont get that confused with the need to shout your independence from the mountain tops running all the good men away. Or feeling that you need to shout it to get a strong man to want to be with you. Trust me, wannabes…..if you shut the fuck up… he will come. lmao! And that is all I have to say about that.
These are gonna be the longest 3 years. But we’ll be here waiting for your return Lyfe. God bless!
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A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. So, I thought of this question in early January and it has been sitting idly by in my blog cue for weeks. And then today I was sitting in my office listening to Pandora when India Arie‘s Talk to Her graced my headphones. [ To Read my blog about the lyrics, Click Here~> Lyrically Speaking:India Arie~Talk to Her]
It has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.
As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.
How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.
So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:
When choosing words to converse with a woman, have you ever said anything that you wouldn’t want said to you mother or your sister? If so, why did you say it to this woman? Send me a note for longer answers or clarification.
And their final answers were:
James F: the way i talk to other women and my mom is totally different…i mean im sure my mom has already heard some wild crazy things in her life so nah i dont even look at it like that…i say whatever i wanna say to women…she’s a woman she knows some of these b*tches and h*es aint sh*t….she tells me to beware of these lying ass scandalous b*tches she knows how some females can be
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I have never talked to any woman in a derogatory way……Its not my style. I was raised by Single Mom, GrandMa, Aunties, Cousins and Sisters.
Sincere: never, because i have a mother, sister, and daughter
”DUKE” BANNER: i must say, i have never disrespected my queen. i had a mother, i have a sister, niece ,even female cousins, you are my queen. never, no less, just like a queen. my conversation tells her how good she looks, how beautiful she is, what she means to me
Tony Raymond **Thank El Grego**: Yes, i have and just because she is a woman doesn’t mean i am speaking to my mother. I am speaking to that person not to the whole sex class nor would i use different words for specific groups. I know you females are made from a different cloth than everything on the earth but that doesn’t eliminate you from being told of ones feels or espressions. We all are created equal as we all deserve the same thing, spoke to the same way when warranted (doesn’t mean disrespectful) and treated like the person whom you are to me. I am speaking from a biblical point of view because i don’t do the Human point of view since its proven we can’t govern ourselves correctly.
K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: I AM A MASTER WITH WORDS, I JUST KNOW WHEN TO SAY AND LET MY ACTION SPEAK EVEN LOUDER THAN WORDS!
Esau M: i watch what i say because what u say can effect the outcome of a lot of things
James M: Yes, I have said things to a woman that I wouldn’t want said to my mother. They weren’t negative things but things said during sex or in intimate situations.
Lateef25: yeah, mostly about sex in the heat of the moment
Boss: NO, never
Hit me up on facebook-Uriel B: one time when I was talking with my home girl, I slipped and called my her a female dog but I apologized and told her that I didn’t mean to call her that
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: nah, i never did..but there r no words that shouldnt b said to certain ppl..now there r words that shouldnt b said by certain ppl..like im sure my Mom could b a bitch..but would i call her one..no!
RANDELL the caribbean prince[R]: no, because i watch wat i say
djmel1: yes, i have. no comment. the game is to be sold not to be told.
Code Name Bigsexy: well first off, you dont want to sleep with your mother. but if it works for the woman you talkin to then??
Delonte M: I simply talk to my female peers and my mother different because one is my female peer and one is my mother. However, It’s not in me to disrespect female peers that I respect. I’m not rude to women unless they deserve it.
rroyallty: im sure I have said some harsh things and hurt some feelings in the past. No one is perfect. But as I have matured, I have learned from my mistakes and improve on the present and future
Dezi: Yes, I have.
BIG SEKZI: nope
Sybree B: no, i dont disrespect the women in my family and i would advise the next man not to either.
…….: lol nothing wrong with a little talking dirty after dark.Nobody wants to ever envision there mother or sister hearing that kind of content.
Okay… so let me make myself clear, based on reading these comments. It is okay to talk differently to your woman in the privacy of your bedroom when it comes to talking dirty. Of course, we are not into the whole Oedipus complex…we must separate that part from our parents. But any other time when speaking to a person of the opposite sex do you show them the same respect that you would want shown to the women in your family?
I keep seeing a lot of my 200 men post that a woman needs to let a man be a man, and then when asked what that means, the man things that come up are for him to be a provider and a protector. If you are a man, you will provide and protect for every female that you come in contact with until she shows you that she is unworthy and then you stop and move on. Women are told all of the time to not brig baggage….men too have to learn to leave their baggage with the last woman who misused their chivalry and renew it with every new face that crosses their path. It is a cycle, you disrespect a sister of a guy who may one day date your sister and disrespect her and then children are born who watch disrespect being passed before them. Seems far-fetched but it isn’t. It is already happening.
Using James F’s comment from above, his mother knows that these bitches aint shit so he can talk to us ay kind of way, right ( speculating)? This is the frame of mind that is running rampid in our communities and the good women are getting hit with these bullets like a drive-by shooter with bad aim. This is erroneous behavior; no disrespect to his mother or her methods of raising her son. No, there are SOME women who are bitches that aint shit, just like SOME men are dogs. I was taught, put on your best behavior until other behavior is warranted. Meaning, instead of introducing yourself as an ass….treat this person with the utmost respect until they disrespect you. Then, and only then, should you have the CHOICE to be disrespectful back, but even then you have the opportunity to remain respectful and walk away leaving them in their ignorance. I am a strong believer that a MAN remains a man at all times, just as a WOMAN will remain a woman at all times. No one, and I mean no one but you should have the power to make you come out of the pocket of your character.
If this is your behavior… there is time and room to mature. The more respect that you put into the universe is the same amount that you will get back in return. This life we were given is a journey of learning. It is a HUGE goal of mine to get every guy to understand the meaning behind what he broadcasts about himself into the world. There are enough social programs and bitter women to take care of the girls… I think I am the Man Whisperer. I get why some of the behavior occurs, but want to help them to present the best THEM that there is to present. One guy wanting to be a man at a time.
Sitting peacefully in my office, supposedly being productive when Pandora hits me with the gift of Neo-Soul‘s Past; India Arie‘s Talk to Her. I could have jumped up and belted this entire song out loud in my office without caring what anyone thought of me. Yes, this song spoke to my soul and I was prepared to be escorted out of the building by Federal Police. This was truly worth it. I immediately searched for the mp3 on the internet and placed it on repeat. I have a feeling that this CD will be played when I get home and immediately placed on my mp3 player.
Why the excitement? Well… its India Arie! I can remember how I was first introduced to her and I became hooked and have bought every CD since. Not the iTunes….no, the CD!! I just have faith that every time I buy an India Arie project I will be able to listen to it from start to finish without complaint and that faith is bigger than a mustard seed. And I have to tell you, I have NEVER been disappointed. EVERY project is my favorite. SO much so, I had to stay away from her when she came to Busboys and Poets in DC because I didn’t want to hug her and get arrested like a crazed groupie. I was more than that… I was a supporter. Yes, ever since the day my little hippie friend Erin and her dark brown hair and glasses told me to listen to Brown Skin, I was hooked. Of course I wanted to know what a little white girl knew about Brown Skin, but she told me that her friend in Atlanta heard her and she wondered if I knew. Well… I didn’t and I felt excited that she had told me.
The very first time that I heard this song I pictured that India Arie was a teacher in a class and the students were all teen black males & females. This song would be the lesson of the day. Essence and Vibe magazines would be the text books on every desk. Lyrics to the song would be written on the board, college lecture style. It would be a modern-day Lean on Me. Yes, I can picture it….or something like it. What if…..
The video would start off with India Arie walking down a row of desks placing the last of the “text books” on the individual desk in preparation for the arrival of the students back from lunch and/or recess. While singing she places the last book and then walks to write the topic “Talk to Her” on the chalkboard. A disagreement between a boy and his girlfriend comes into the shot and India walks over to the window.
Chorus:
When you talk to her talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to you mama Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart with her Just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
When she gets to the window and raises the window up even higher and sticks her head outside. The girlfriend storms away crying and India grabs the arm of the boy and sings the first verse to him.
Verse 1 Now when you got to her speak truthfully Be honest as you can be, from your heart You’re in a situation, where ya losing patience Take your time and look her in the eye When you just can’t find the words you want And it’s hard to reach the point Where you both can understand Don’t just tell the truth But,Tell the whole truth It’ll make a better man outta you
She gently touches his face and closes the window. Then in the background you see girls jumping rope and they become the background singers for this part. The guy apologizes and they make up. The Bell rings and everyone heads into the school towards the end of the chorus.
Chorus:
When you talk to her, talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to your mama Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart With her just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
Scene switches to India Arie walking down the school halls. Girls wearing short skirts can be seen with guys whistling and attempting to pull up their dresses. India jumps in to correct the situation….. Words are spoken to both the boys and the girls to prove her point.
Verse 2:
It doesn’t matter if she’s wearin A mini skirt or a business suit Whether she’s 25 or 99 Treat her the way your mama taught you to She could be the Queen of Sheba She could be a school teacher Home maker or a lawyer I think it’s good for your Karma If when ya talk to her…
Female teachers open class doors to join in ask the chorus is being sung. They usher the students into the classrooms leaving India in the halls by herself.
Chorus:
When you talk to her, talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to your mama Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart With her just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
India can be seen walking past a boys’ and girl’s restroom and them comes to a stop underneath a clock with hands that are speeding up the time of day and to suggest that times are changing. She continues to walk towards the auditorium.
Verse 3 Now let’s keep it real Nothing in this world could ever exist Without it’s opposite There has to be a sun and moon A man and a woman And that’s just the way it is Humanity’s lop sided And everyone’s fightin’ How do we restore the peace Mother earth is hurtin’ And everyone is searchin’ For the feminine energy
The doors of the auditorium open to the students being adult men and women. India goes and takes her place standing in her place as a teacher, much like that scene in Lean On Me where the teachers stood in the isle. She has an envelope in hand.
Chorus:
When you talk to her talk to her Like you want somebody else to talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah) Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart With her just like you would with your daughter Cause everything you do or say You gotta live with it everyday She’s somebody’s baby She’s somebody’s sista She’s somebody’s mama
The camera would pan over the “students” matching each line of the Vamp. A brother stands up to fight when a guy says something to his sister, you see usual teen behavior at an assembly; paper throwing, joking, etc.
Vamp
When you talk to her talk to her Like you want somebody to talk to your mama Just like you fight for your sister If you knew that somebody dissed her How you gonna care for your daughter Turn around and talk bad about her mama Same way you listen to your auntie Never interrupt while she speaks Make your words sweet like candy As if you were talking to your granny yeah
The male principal is on stage speaking as he looks up and locks eyes with India. He smiles, continues the speech to the “students”. This would even be an amazing time to have cameos from the Lean On Me cast…lol
If you really love her then (say so) If you really need her then (say so) Love the way she thinks (say so) You love the way she speaks (say so) When you need some good conversation (say so) Say so (say so) If you want her in your life (say so) You want her to be your wife (say so) Tell her she’s your best friend (say so) (alright) You’ll be there to the end (alright)(say so)
Camera pans in on India looking at the envelope in her hand which is suggested to have been a resignation letter and she tears it in half. Principal dismisses the students and seen goes to everyone filing out of the auditorium and leaving the school building. One of the other female teachers playfully hits her as she walks to the curb.
If you’re thinking about leaving (say so) If you wonder where she’s going (say so) If you need to breathe with her (say so) You just want to be with her (say so) If you love her hair (say so) If you want her there (say so) Tell me if you really want her (say so) You wanna slap her down (say so) Say so… (You better not hit no woman, you done bumped yo’ head) If you feel like loving (say so) If you wanna feel the hugging (say so)
A car pulls up and in the driver seat is a man who she leans in and kisses on the cheek and the car pulls off.
Yeh…. that’s exactly how I pictured it. But who am I…. just a borderline obsessed fan.. and I mean that in the MOST respectful, “no restraining order needed” kind of way. I think that India, in all of her beauty, both vocally and physically would make my vision so beautiful. But she needs no help in that department. I pray she is as strong and direct and humble as I perceive her to be. I see God in her….And that is all that I have to say about that. Enjoy!
P.S.~ Check out my other post called 200 Men Said…. Oedipus’ Words. It is apart of my 200 Men Said…. series where I asked the men if they’ve ever said something to a woman that they wouldn’t want anyone to say to their mother. The answers will surprise you.
This blog entry is to set the record straight, ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! So, while clowning on twitter ( @_2Deep_) a friend on mine hit me up and wanted me to ask my 200 men a question that has been burning up inside of her. Now, what kind of friend would I be to deny her of a stage?
She mentioned to me that while out and about at clubs she noticed that several black men were clinging heavily to white women, or women of other races in general, but you never really see them clinging to us black women in the same fashion. THESE ARE HER WORDS AND SENTIMENTS, DO NOT… I REPEAT, DO NOT SHOOT THE MESSENGER!!! So she wanted to know why was this the case. Why are, in her opinion, black men more affectionate and willing to date those who are outside of their race and not do the same for those who resemble themselves? She said it made her feel as if black men did not value black women the way that women of other races were valued. On “some” points I agreed with her. I too think that there are times when black men do not value us as much as they should, but I never looked at it as they value us less than other races. I say this because, I believe that black women are to be valued differently, therefore to compare out value to another race of women is invalid. I say this because majority of the time, the way that men, in general, value other races…a black woman would see as belittling, or would see as weak…which in return causes relationship issues….so this discussion is somewhat invalid. I think this is an in-house problem that needs to be corrected. But, since that was not the issue that was brought to the table, I had to reach out to my guys and ask them to directly answer her question. And let me tell you… the uproar from my guys that came back was a sight to see….but good to see it in ink.
So I stuck my neck out on the chopping block, because you just know that when you generalize a question or say that you are asking for a friend that automatically makes people think you are asking for yourself…lol. Well, on this one, I really am asking for someone else, but I am learning from the responses as well. Now, my 200 Men were asked:
Many black women don’t feel as if black men value them. As a black man, do you value black women over other races? Would you date/have you dated outside of your race? Why? Send me a note/message for longer answers.
And they answered with:
WWW . (dirty) . com: never dated out of my race and never will–i love a chocolate woman…[they’re] so pink inside….. [2Deep: I have absolutely no clue what this means or if this is even a compliment, but at least he loves his black women…lol]
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**:I would have to say that I definitely value black women over any and every other race. I have dated outside my race before but I could not say that I have ever considered marrying and spending my life with anything but a black woman. I am amazed at the strength and loyalty of a good black woman once they believe they have a man they can pour into completely.
Dezi: I love my sisters and i never thought about going outside of my race. And if i do [it’s] my choice as it is the next black man’s or woman’s. Not about race it’s about being happy.
”DUKE” BANNER: i would never disrespect my queen. never dated outside my race but im not [racist]
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I would never de-valued (lol) a black woman, that’s basically saying i don’t have respect [for] all the strong black women in my family. I would never put another race over the other. I haven’t dated outside my race but I’m not ruling that out either. If i happen to meet someone of different race I’m okay with that.
!: I value black women over other races but since i have native and european blood way down the lines near the end of slavery I’m open to dating any race. It’s about the person and not color to me…my preference though is a black woman first.
http://www.twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: It’s definitely not a race issue its a faith issue. I would absolutely date outside my race the heart doesn’t have color. I have dated other races before.
MR. LOVING: I feel I do & I haven’t had the chance to date outside my race. I wouldn’t mind though.
Prestige “The One And Only”: I personally believe there is no substitute for a good black woman. If what I’m looking for is found outside my race so be it, but that’s not where I’m looking. As to the value of a blk wmn, I can only see myself valuing her as much as she does herself.
PIECE OF WORK!! $$PET$ PET$ PET$$$: i do… i love my black women… yeah i would, but depends. why bc i am attracted to physical beauty before inner beauty. but they must have both..[2Deep: Well, ladies at least he is honest. It’s booty before beauty with him..lol]
KEN: I LOVE BLACK WOMEN..but yall…..lol but seriously black woman [are the] most powerful women in [the] world; ask Oprah and Michelle. black women are beautiful women, just hard 2 get alone wit.so yes, [i value] black woman value over other races…
Kip S: I do value black women. All of the girls that I’ve dated have been black except 2 of latin origin. I don’t see a problem dating outside of yourself as long as you know who you are and where you come from
Jamarcus V: i love everything about tha black woman and I don’t do tha outside of tha race thing,mixed is one thing but a whole different race i cant do it
THE TOTAL PACKAGE: definitely value blk women more cause my moms a blk women 1st and foremost and cuz without blk women life would not exist on this planet!!
Kycajrome L: I prefer my sistas first over any other ….but yes i have dated outside us, why….I was asked….and decided to try it….
THIS GUY: WELL ME I LOVE MY SISTERS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE NO REPLACEMENT IN THE WORLD THERE THE ONLY ONES FOR ME AND NO OTHER RACE CAN REPLACE MY NATURAL NEED FOR BLACK WOMEN. SO I ONLY DEAL WITH BLACK WOMEN. PEOPLE CAN SAY LOOKS DONT COUNT BUT THEY DO
Henry C: yes i love my black women.
DEVON B: i love black women
Lateef25: i love blk women i have only other race i have dated was spanish women
MYLES C AKA !! Mr.Grown-N-Sexxxi !!: EVERYONE IS TREATED EQUAL TO ME. YES I HAVE DATED OUTSIDE MY RACE MAYBE TWICE, BECAUSE SOME BLACK MEN FEEL THAT A BLACK FEMALE WONT DO A WHITE WOMAN WOULD, BUT IT AINT ALL BOUT THAT
My ALL TIME FAVORITE RESPONSE CAME FROM……….:
Black Kryptonite aka the KID: black men value black women who value themselves. not the ones who want to rock the labels but not work to get it for themselves. Or women who are looking for captain save her
PREACH, Black Kryptonite!!! So, I think he flat-out told us that we have to VALUE OURSELVES in order to be valued in return. So, did he just hand the responsibility of placing a value to our worth back into our hands? Well I be damned, I think he did! lmao! So, if we feel that we are not being valued by our men, it is then our place to make sure that we have worth, know it, and place our worth on proper display. I think that it is safe to say that you will NEVER find a Benz dealership in the middle of the hood, so why should you place your values amongst actions that do not match what it is that you think you are worth. I’m coining the phrase, actions speak louder than worth. How you act will dictate your judgement of your worth and guys can pick up on that. So, correct yourself first.
Another interesting comment that came from this question came from James F. The discussion turned into a bit of a conversation so check it out:
James F: yes i value black women i come from a black woman i can never diss or turn my back on them…its ironic you say that cause i feel black men kinda feel the same why about black women but any i digress…but yes i will date outside my race I don’t discriminate..everybody should date whoever they wanna date
Me: So, you brought up an interesting point. You say that black men feel the same way? How so? Can you explain what some black women do that makes some black men feel as if we don’t value them?
James F: i mean Some black women, not all, don’t hesitate to throw black men under the bus…some black women are just black men bashers lets just keep it real…if you’re doing that why would black men feel valued when the first out your mouth is something negative?? it is what it is…its too much of disconnect between black men and women…and it shouldn’t be like that
So, how do you propose BOTH sides work on fixing this problem? Because SOME of the negativity is based on experience. For instance, I just had this complete stranger (black male) post on my page ” do you skeet or spit when you have sex”. WHAT KIND OF BS is that? I don’t know him. What I shouldnt do is take his stupidity out on the next, but you must understand why I would be guarded, right? So, I propose the question…..how should a black woman place value in a black man? Hmmm… we could go on for hours. Pretty much like my next comment response.
So, in the middle of my responses I received this:
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: RESPECT is lost amongst us all. Everyone wants the ability to do whatever they want without recourse. We take things and persons for granted with silly talk about this is a new year and a time for change. Yes change is what got us here from when things had more value and respect back in the day. Date outside my race i have before i found my spiritual path and we are not to date a certain kind of people. All this leads to a root of a problem that we are trying to avoid by dealing with the surface on our own regards. Bringing it back to relevance though when RESPECT was lost during this all change is good so will everything else be lost ie honesty, loyalty, communication, trust…..
Me:I have to be honest…. I am sooooo lost with your response. I get the “respect is lost” part. But can you explain it to me again, but this time slow and act like I’m dumb.
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: Where are you lost because i can’t begin to correlate until you tell me which point you need clarity. I will do this to help what i think you maybe lost.”We take things and persons for granted with silly talk about this is a new year and a time for change”… What i am saying here is people want the ability to do whatever they desire as they see fit with other people belongings or how they treat or act towards the other person.”Date outside my race i have before i found my spiritual path and we are not to date a certain kind of people”…. Here i am talking about dating outside my race but came to realize that is wrong and only disrespectful to the creator not the person. Its written in the scriptures who we are to date/marry.”All this leads to a root of a problem that we are trying to avoid by dealing with the surface on our own regards”….I am saying here that we that we try to deal with these situation on our own desires/regards or what we see fit to make it work. You don’t have to be spiritual or preacher to see how we are to interact with each other as written. We are so far from the truth that we make our own to satisfy our realities.
Me: Whooooooooooooooooa Nelly! The Bible doesn’t mention race. But you must be of like and sound mind; equally yoked. A person of aother race ca be equally yoked with you. So how did you figure it was wrong to the creator to date a person of another race?
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**:Yes it did because he you know your history of where all races came from during the biblical days…you would know of the races it were speaking of because during the bible days race were never used but location where people lived…..Your pastor will not tell you this and that is why you must read the bible and learned its history. Most people just read the bible and think that is it and some don’t read it just recite what was said to them so the knowledge of it is mixed up. YES the bible talks about race….Go find me in the bible where it doesn’t talk about you are not to marry from this place but this place or not to marry from this place and when you DO come across it…. Find out the RACE of people there and there is your RACE…. I am in the dirt of the book your on the surface but you can dig too
Me: But location and the color of one’s skin is two TOTALLY different things. There are people of all skin hughes who are born in america….So…. amI to see who is a child of Abraham before I accept his proposal in marriage? I understand what you mean, but that does not relate to skin tone. Again, it relates to the belief systems and being equally yoked with persons from different sects. Thee could be BLACK people who are not equally yoked with you who you are not supposed to marry.
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: Your just blurring the lines because you fear of what is being said…I said RACE not skin color….Race in america is skin color but Race outside of here is Location. Native Americans are of different hues but there are located to this country….Asians which is a race and located to their location….Europeans, Alaskian, Somoans, African, and the so on….You want to limit to the equally yoke because you want to date outside of said race….I will do this for you…Provide you scriptures and you tell me where does it rely to unequally yoking….Your trying understand but you just have one part because here in America its Politically correct to use that part but the rest is not and many do not want to create ripples in the waves. I will stand by my creator words and do not fear of people issues due to fear of another’s opinion or comment. Why did Abraham send his servant to another place to find a wife for Issac? Race of people where he was at were not for his son to marry….hmmmmm
Me: First off….DONT YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I AM “AFRAID” TO DO….it is insulting & you don’t know me. I’ve never dated out of my race, not that it matters, so to assume somewhat mutes your point.When people cannot stick directly to facts, they often time assume and pass judgement on those who think in opposition….that very move does not make your argument strong. Just stick to the facts.It is the respectful thing to dispute what I say without passing judgement on me for why I think that way. Or do they teach you that in the Bible too? Can you show me the verse on “thou shalt pass judgement on the person because they disagree with you.”? (This is merely rhetorical, please do not respond)Also,I understood and know the meaning of RACE. Race is derived from origin and or location….that is one of the definitions of race. Therefore, a white person who is born in Africa has the race of African, and should they move to America, they too will be classified as African-American. Sounds weird, but it is true. Therefore, a person of a different color skin can be classified as being of the same RACE as you. On the flip side, an African-American would be of a different RACE than an African based purely on the definition of RACE, therefore making an African unequally yoked from an African-American. Which leads me back to my original question (part of which is now answered): I now know that you would not date outside of your RACE, but would you date outside of your own darker colored skin category and date a person who would stereotypically be classified as white? As I am NIGERIAN….I am not just stuck to the confines of American ideologies (Again…thou shalt not judge). Again… my questions are now rhetorical… PLEASE DO NOT REPLY any further.So, I will not pass judgement on you. But I will tell you that the word of God is not abrasive, nor is it rude. We as a people cannot pass judgement or assume and then hide behind the Word. I respect your opinion, although I disagree with its use, but I will never past judgement on you for thinking the way that you do. THAT is what the Word has taught me. Maybe I am reading a different book. Therefore, I will thank you for your comments and ask that you respond no further. Again, your words are greatly appreciated. I pray that you have a blessed day and have an even better 2011. God bless!
Yes, child…. the conversation went there! I know I am not your typical Bible slinging Christian, but I too believe in the Word, and for some reason it just irks me when people use it to divide. There is always a time and a place for the word and it is only applicable at ALL TIMES when it is used correctly. End of story. I have had two of my HUGEST crushes on white guys. One was on …I think his name was Brian, in my high school Theatre group. Still to this day I have a picture of me sitting on the Shakespeare Theatre Festival steps behind him running my fingers through his hair. The other guy was Matthew and he went to my junior high school in Spokane, Washington. I loved even his glasses. There was something about his spirit that just made me like him. So, you can’t tell me that I can’t love who I choose to love because they are not from the same location as me. Especially when I see God in them. My god-family looks like a United Nations’ meeting; from my black siblings to their asian, white, and Pakistani (sp) spouses and some of the most beautiful children that you have ever laid eyes on…..I beg to differ that this was wrong. I somewhat believe that this is what God intended. But that’s just my opinion.
So, in closing, I think that the fellas have proven their point…. at least the 200 that I have come in contact with. They all believe that they value the black woman over any other race. But I do not think that it matters. Love is love, and if for some reason you see a white girl with one of our black brothers, wish him well. There was a time when a black man would have been hanged for expressing his love to a person with whom he connected with. That man was not destined for you. Why get your bloomers in a bunch for someone who isn’t checking for you because he wasnt put on this earth for you? Get out of their business and start focusing on your own. You could very well be missing the guy who thinks that YOU are beautiful and it has nothing to do with race. It has nothing to do with him staying with his own kind which rings to the rhythm of a KKK meeting. But it will have everything to do with him loving YOU. Be happy with that. Killing the hopes of someone else’s love is not the most productive thing that you can do. But having faith that a different kind of love, a love between a black and a white, can exist in its purest form should lend hope that love can survive under simpler circumstances. That is my opinion on that!
WARNING: SUPER LONG BLOG, BUT HONEST & INSIGHTFUL!!!!
Ignorance is bliss. It is also the gateway for you to get Punk’d. For Ashton, prior to allegations of his cheating on Demi, and his entire camera crew to walk right into your relationship and rob you of any stability that you once thought you had. Except for this time, Ashton is dressed in 4 inch heels, rocking a Prada dress so short she could catch pneumonia in her good-goods, while sexting the person you said “I love you” to 5 minutes ago or “I do” to 24 hours ago…and her name is Ashley, or Kendra, or Stephony, Latrell, Keisha, Tanisha, Tabitha, a low-life hoe named Angel, Bootasia…..etc. You catch my drift. For this blog, the aforementioned home wreckers shall be called OWs (Other Women). All OWs are assumed innocent until proven hoochies.
The odds of your man cheating on you are about as high of a possibility as him enjoying himself as he “exfoiliates” his genital region in the shower each morning. With such a high possibility, the probability of this happening lowers by the set of morals that your man has, how many fugly women are in your community, and how ugly your man is to the beautiful women in the community. The stakes are raised,however, by the number of desperate women there are, your man’s income (despite how unattractive he is), and any rumors that may be in circulation about his sexual accomplishments. Since the latter scenario is higher than the prior…toss in a bitter black woman &, honey….. your man might cheat.
But what is cheating to you? To the insecure broad, cheating could be him turning his head in the direction of a beautiful woman as she sashays by her man in the mall. To the “I don’t need a man, but be happy that I chose you” woman, cheating may be him assisting a woman with her grocery bags to the car…I mean after all, his hands were free since his woman chose to do it all herself. To the average woman, cheating could be him sharing himself emotionally with another female, showing a side of himself that he has never shown to her. But to every woman….cheating also means any form of sexual contact or interaction with a woman other than the one who claims you ( on or off the record). Wow…. each scenario is like Melanie’s & Derwin’s entire relationship on The Game.
Note to the fellas: If we slept together…. we go together!
My advice to all of the above are as follows:
Dear Insecure Broad, what the hell is wrong with you? She is beautiful, yes. But the turning of your man’s head does NOT, I repeat to the self-esteem challenged, does NOT equate to infidelity. It lets you know that all of your man’s man parts are working. And if you thought she was cute, and he thought she was cute too, then damn… y’all agree on something. Which means, if you think that you are cute + she was cute + he thought she was cute then that may = him thinking that you are cute too. Instead of jumping on the dude and starting to count his condoms ( please tell me you use condoms!!!) take this as an opportunity to eavesdrop on what it is that catches your man’s attention. But do NOT take this as an opportunity to alter your physical or personal style to match, just take inventory, and store it for that special moment; almost like a treat. Of course, there is an exception, if your guy turns his head and forgets to turn it back in your direction… then you have reason to think that he is disrespectful, but until then… chill like Jada does when Will checks out beautiful women. She’s not trippin…because he isn’t going ANYWHERE!
Dear Next Millenium Bionic Woman, why are you even with a man if there is nothing that he can do for you? There is a thin line in being independent and competent and being borderline butch. Unless your name is Craig and his is Earl, there is only ONE penis in this relationship…allow his to hang, have some breathing room to sway, and do what it is that he was designed to do. Yes, men should love strong women…I get that, but if you are too strong they may be tempted to check for an Adam’s apple or flee. Just chill….you and I both know that women can do any and everything that we want to do, the catch is to not let HIM know that, or remind him all the damn time. This will definitely turn a seemingly innocent act of chivalry ( assisting with groceries) into a weekly rendezvous in the produce aisle. Your man assisting another woman should get you hot… not hot-headed but…turned on, just because you know that every woman wants a man like yours. Dont be so strong that you assist in giving him a hand in jumping over the fence to greener pastures, nor get so laid-back that you turn in to chick from #1. Think…. Charlize Theron in Hancock!
Dear Average Woman, Men are not emotional creatures…….to us. They cry in the dark and throw their feelings into the very same closets that R Kelly hides his midget porn. Get over it. They still have feelings, and just be thankful that he has found a healthy person to share his emotions with. Trust me, I know that it hurts like hell because you want to be there to share everything with him… but as long as she only gives him a shoulder to lean on to express himself, then baby..yeh I’ll say it again….get over it. It doesn’t mean that he is cheating, it just means that you have YET to learn this side of him. There are things you tell your girlfriends that you don’t tell him…. TRUST ME. I know for a fact that you didn’t tell your man your thoughts about the size of the strippers’ worthy of mentioning unmentionables from Asia’s bachelorette party. So, as long as he is still communicating with you, just let that be his safe haven until he is on his death-bed and reveals that he absolutely hates your cooking but loves you for the attempt. You mustn’t also forget the billions of times he tried to tell you the truth, you didn’t listen and swore he was lying anyway…. that, too, may be the reason he doesn’t tell you -ish.Just saying…. don’t shoot the OW, learn how to listen.
Girl…. WHat?! That N!&&@ did what?!!!!Cheated with an OW?!*sharpens Cutco, puts on Vaseline, *Hair in pony tail. Puts on CSI crime scene, able to catch my DNA, approved vest and grabs Lorraina Bobbet Emergency Kit. Next.
I know for a fact that there are several more scenarios, but I havent gotten to that portion of my therapy sessions yet, so these will have to do. And I know you are wondering how do I know these things… well… I was once …well… the enemy. Yes, I was once an OW. Much to my defense, not that I need any because I know how to fight… & WELL…. ask about me. Dang, where was I? Oh, yeh…. much to my defense, I didn’t even know that I was the OW ( The Fantasia Defense). So I learned several tricks of the trade from being on the other side of the fence. If nothing more I learned:
UNLESS THE OW IS A FAMILY MEMBER< BEST FRIEND<THIRD COUSIN TWICE REMOVED BY MARRIAGE ON YOUR PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER’S SIDE……. DONT YOU EVER TAKE YOUR DRAMA TO THE DOORSTEP OF THE OW!!!!!!
Unless she comes to your doorstep bringing the pain…. you keep within restraining order distance away from her. There are several reasons:
1. You are NOT sleeping with the OW. She didn’t break your heart, break any vows, or directly give you an STD. She may not have even known you existed.
2. Fussing with the OW gets your man off the hook. He learns NOTHING. Actually, he is banking on telling you that she has lost her mind and is just a groupie, and that he told her several times to stop calling him. STOP… wait a minute… how did she even get his number? And “I DONT KNOW” does not suffice as an answer. (Exception to the rule: There are some crazy females out there.. trust in your man , your relationship, and your inner female intuition to see if this number actually applies to you. If by chance she is crazy, collect $200 for bail money, go past GO & I give you permission to whoop that trick!)
3. Fighting with her makes you come up out the pocket and let both her and him know that you are now hurt. This is war woman, you don’t let the enemy know you are coming. SHUT UP AND PLAY THE WAY BIG MAMA TAUGHT YOU HOW TO PLAY; tight thighs , and even tighter lips with clenched fists.
4. You need to be a big girl and face what is really going on. Beating up some random chick Jerry Springer style will only make you feel better momentarily.
All of this to say…. you have to think like us. And as a smart OW…I held on to evidence from 2004! Real talk, I have Yahoo! Messenger conversations still on floppy disk….lmbo!!!! There’s nothing like a swift Facebook note containing evidence of something he once said in a playerlistic manner to ruin his whole damn day! lol. Sorry, that got funny as I had a flash back. Keep us close, meaning us OWs. It’s when you can’t see us that we are able to do the most damage. I can say this now as a looooooooong ago reformed OW. It is never my intent to be an OW, but should the situation arise… you respect me and I shall respect you. Hell… I’ll even help you torch the cheating son of biscuit eating bulldog. But it is when you disrespect me ( assuming that I’ve been respectful) that your cards will come crashing down faster than you can get the panties off of Montana Fishburne, My cousin, and Paris Hilton in a panty dropping contest. Believe me, my cousin is FAST, my money is on her! Again, you ladies would NOT believe the things that your guy tells us, in efforts to make us think that he is single, the marriage isn’t working, you’ve changed, and the list goes on. For example (actual messages below from a guy not too long after he got married. The identity of the stupid has been changed to protect the innocent):
4:16:29 PMStupid Dude###336: i had just looked at your profile before i went to sleep (why is this guy who is married stalking my profile before he went to sleep?)
4:24:13 PMStupid Dude###336: i know I am married and I have a good woman by my side… 4:24:55 PMStupid Dude###336: but I had a great woman when I was with you and I miss my great woman
4:27:25 PMStupid Dude###336: i’m happy with what I have here but I always will wonder what if (then if you are happy…. why are you always trying to get me into romantic conversations? I’m not falling for it playa! My game is stronger than yours, besides… I’ve moved on & let you go a long time ago)
4:29:06 PMStupid Dude###336: i understand that you let go 4:29:16 PMStupid Dude###336: but dammit it’s not easy to let go 4:29:27 PMStupid Dude###336: i try and try but i can’t (well try a little harder buddy…b/c it ant happening here!)
Yadda yadda yadda. We discuss how he has a history of not really being faithful. How he treats women, and I congratulate him on finally settling down & getting married. The conversation then goes:
4:30:17 PMMe: but I applaud [her] for being that woman who finally got you to do it 4:30:35 PMStupid Dude###336: she didn’t get me to do it 4:30:51 PMMe: no, meaning that she loved you to a point where you felt the need to do it 4:31:13 PMStupid Dude###336: lol…you don’t understand
4:31:33 PMStupid Dude###336: i felt that I would never get you back… and I…..SETTLED
Yes, you read correctly. The negro said he settled with his wife. But nothing beats my favorite! My friend told me that a guy once told her that the only reason he married his wife was because he “ran out of rope”! lmao!He was an older gentleman and didn’t want to waste two more years getting into another relationship and he didn’t want to be an old father, so he married his current girlfriend even though he didn’t love her. But I digress. I continue to go on to say how foul he is, this isn’t right, she doesn’t deserve this, the nerve of this nigga [pardon my Ebonics]!!!!! etc. I mean, did he really think that saying this about his NEW wife was going to make me drop all common sense and take him back? I mean really, if you would say this about your wife….what they hell do you say behind my back about me? But as I said, you would be amazed at what they tell us….continue….
4:36:05 PMStupid Dude###336: So in saying that ,I am glad I settled because it took for me to settle to realize what a good woman I have…
4:37:19 PMStupid Dude###336: I don’t treat her like i used to, i try to do everything [in] my power to show her on a daily basis that I love her, but in the back of my mind I always wonder what if
So you see, from what I posted, and from what I REFUSE to post…. we hear it all. And this is the PG stuff that I can post. I never wanted him back after seeing how he still treated women, but that didn’t keep him from trying to turn me into an OW. Even if I didn’t know that the other girl existed… I highly doubt that I would have dated this person again. Just something about him rings “lie”. OWs become the other person because the guy feels that he is missing out on something. He gets greedy, or gets scared of commitment and he freaks out and goes in search of an OW. He said everything above, I don’t have the power in me as an OW to make him say this…..much like you don’t have the power to keep him around if he doesn’t want to stay. You have to look out for you…because that is EXACTLY what an OW and your man are doing. Why should you be the only one not being taken care of? But I digress…back to the advice.
Outside of the obvious, don’t tell your woes to an OW. A reformed OW will tell you to think it out on your own, dig inside your heart and think about what is best for you and your future…. a triffling OW will prompt you to unlock the door so she can help you pack your ish as she cases out how her earring collection will look beautiful on the bedroom dresser. To be honest, I wouldn’t even tell my friends how bad my relationship had gotten unless my husband was OJ, Manson, or George W Bush. There are some things, ladies, that you need to learn to keep to yourself. Because you never know who you could be helping to creep all up and through your situation. An OW doesnt need any additional help, because he’s quick to tell us what it is that you don’t do:
5:08:20 PMStupid Dude###336: i actually sat there last nite and tried to find [what i liked in you ,in her] but y’all are 2 totally different people 5:08:42 PMMe: you can go play basketball with her, watch sports, go to the club, crack jokes, make nicknames…I don’t do anything special 5:09:28 PMStupid Dude###336: she doesn’t play basketball, she doesn’t club, and she doesn’t watch sports for real 5:10:38 PMMe: I don’t play basketball..I don’t club, and I dont watch sports for real.. you see how much in common we have 5:11:04 PMStupid Dude###336: we did all of that…lol 5:11:30 PMMe: hahahaha… I dont have any basketball skills…lol. that was pretend 5:11:35 PMMe: I am sure she can do better than me 5:12:02 PMStupid Dude###336: that’s not the point…you got out there and you played ball with me
And even faster at telling us how much he dreams about us:
5:25:19 PMStupid Dude###336: we started kissing and you were unbuttoning my shirt and a nigga woke up 5:25:38 PMMe: lol 5:25:48 PMStupid Dude###336: I remember all that cause [wife’s name] said I was moaning in my sleep 5:25:57 PMMe: wow!!!!! 5:26:12 PMMe: now watch me get blamed for that mess
And even when the OW stays in her place, reminds him of what they really are and that nothing more can happen… the man will try reverse psychology:
6:27:24 PMMe: any time , friend 6:27:37 PMStupid Dude###336: i don’t even want that title 6:27:46 PMMe: why, friend? 6:27:55 PMStupid Dude###336: i come at you like you are doing wrong but you aren’t 6:28:19 PMStupid Dude###336: i try to make it seem like all i want is a friend when i know that all I want is you 6:28:24 PMStupid Dude###336: by my side 6:28:31 PMStupid Dude###336: i’m sorry 6:28:34 PMMe: friend, I can stand beside you 6:28:43 PMStupid Dude###336: stop calling me that 6:28:49 PMMe: and apology accepted for your confusing yourself 6:29:12 PMMe: and I will think about [if I will] stop calling you my friend 6:29:32 PMMe: but i have to say it so I can stay in my place, to stay where I need to be 6:29:55 PMStupid Dude###336: well maybe that’s not where you need to be 6:29:56 PMMe: to remain safe in these dangerous conversations that we keep having, which is so not fair to anyone involved 6:30:07 PMStupid Dude###336: true
And when he saw that I wasnt budging…. he went back in for the kill. The ” I will tell you how horrible my situation is, even if it really isnt, just so that you can change your mind and do what I want you to do” move. Yes… I call this the “Extra Desperate To Think I’m This Dumb” Tactic:
6:45:59 PM Stupid Dude###336: you have accomplishments…i have a marriage license that don’t mean shit
6:46:08 PM Me: why doesnt it mean shit
6:46:14 PM Me: it is a marriage license.
6:46:37 PM Stupid Dude###336: because the marriage isn’t shit…we don’t do shit for real
6:46:46 PM Stupid Dude###336: you have accomplishments i don’t
6:47:04 PM Me: I have accomplishments because I refuse to SETTLE!!!!!
6:47:08 PM Stupid Dude###336: I won’t be able to have a family
6:47:17 PM Stupid Dude###336: just a wife
6:48:03 PM Stupid Dude###336: you will have your accomplishments, your husband, and a family…
6:48:13 PM Stupid Dude###336: you say you won’t but i believe you will
Zinger……3 hours later….he just nailed his own coffin….all in hopes of having an OW by his side. He could be lying through his teeth, and very well may have been…..but either way, his words have consequences. I consider this desperate. I know he doesn’t respect his wife…..and he damn sure doesn’t respect me. But this is nothing unusual in the life of an OW. They will stop at NOTHING to try to get us. Some fall for this, the rest of us…. we don’t. But the smart ones keep the evidence for sour, bitter days like today. When you get tired of holding on to someone else’s dirty laundry and you finally decide for them to wash their own emotional shit!
And I am not innocent in all of this. I said some things here or there that I probably shouldn’t have. But before every conversation was concluded, like this excerpt from another conversation, I let him know how cool I really was with his wife and why nothing could ever go down. Yes,I’m cool with the wife…..dont ask, long story, out of the ordinary, but the girl is mad cool. So I once said to him, (and this is speaking from truth)
5:11:21 PM Me: You would flinch if you knew the number of times that I have plotted to get you away from [wife] and then had to pray for forgiveness because it was only out of jealousy to the fact that she had something that I didnt
5:11:34 PM Me: dude… you better be Glad the Lord is always talking to me
5:11:35 PM Me: lol
5:12:05 PM Stupid Dude###336: You would flinch if you knew the number of times that I have wanted you to get you away from [wife]
5:12:30 PM Me: you wanted me to get away from [wife], or you to get away from [wife]?
5:12:52 PM Stupid Dude###336: i wanted you
5:13:26 PM Me: nah, I wouldn’t flinch… you said it.. the truth of the matter is I didnt believe it because you werent bold nor stupid enough to take measures to follow through with it
5:13:39 PM Me: and the funny thing is.. I am too cool with [wife] to even let you do it.
5:13:47 PM Stupid Dude###336: i hear ya….
5:14:34 PM Me: I dont think that she talks about me behind my back, but I wouldnt be surprised because she has every reason to do so… I’m your ex….but I still will never do anything from my side to give her [reason] to
5:53:17 PM Stupid Dude###336: i mean when you say that you wish you never married me then how do you expect that i would feel?
5:53:36 PM Me: ouch
5:53:42 PM Me: that is between you… and her
5:54:18 PM Me: I want to steer as far away from that conversation as humanly possible.. for soooooo many reasons
5:55:26 PM Me: bathroom break..brb
5:56:12 PM Stupid Dude###336: if u get mad at me for talking fly to other females but then you talking waaay more fly to other guys and even after we got married then what….
5:58:47 PM Me: again
5:58:56 PM Me: I am staying faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from that conversation
5:59:03 PM Stupid Dude###336: lol…my bad
5:59:29 PM Me: I am not touching that one with a ten foot pole…… just not gonna do it
As you can see, my advice comes from a collage of personal experiences from different relationships and from watching other friends become OWs knowingly or unknowingly. Either way, I sympathize with any woman in a relationship. There is a lure about an OW that keeps the man interested, that keeps his inner hunter wondering if he can capture a woman, and the thrill of the chase and not getting caught. Oddly enough, it doesn’t mean that he loves you any less, it just means that he doesn’t love himself enough to know that working with one great woman is better than having two who hate you. I didn’t invent the game, but several years ago I learned how to play it, and got out before I got burned. I was the main woman trying to keep all of the OWs away and failed miserably, and then he turned around and tried to make me the OW. I wouldn’t let it happen, kept him in the friend zone. But other guys have made me the OW by omitting that they are already in relationships and then me finding out from Myspace, Facebook, or email, or the good old fashion female calling my house cussing me out. So I thought that I would share this with women who are in relationships…..you have to think like your enemy…..that is the only way you will ever win. Pride aside, the best woman doesn’t always win. Sometimes, losing, as in losing your relationship… could be the best thing to ever happen to you, and you will have an OW to thank.
My intention is not to shock, hurt, damage or destroy any relationship. This is my blog and I write what I want to write as a part of my therapy… and this just happened to be the topic of the day. So don’t blame me if any of these issues show up in your current situation… I AM NOT THE OW. My suggestion is that,since it is my right to write about my life, if you don’t want to show up in a blog…I suggest you don’t do me dirty…lol. You may not like what I have written, why I chose to write this, or the fact that I even wrote it… but you have to respect the fact that I told the truth. Come hell or high water, I wish someone would have explained OWs to me before my life got snatched from under me. This is like the Confessions of the OW….lol. Men, I swear… can’t live with them, and get 20 years to life without parole if you try to live without them. lmbo!
This has been Advice from the Other Woman…..comments are welcome.
So, by now I pray that you have read my blog called “You Killed Chivalry, You Bastard!”. If not, I suggest you head on over there and get to reading so you can know where this stems from. Don’t worry… we won’t wait for you to return, but the blog will still be here when you do.
I searched high and low for a song that I thought would speak of a 
Sitting peacefully in my office, supposedly being productive when Pandora hits me with the gift of 
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 
2Deep, aunt, bad, baffled, Behavior, bitch, blog, boy, boyfriend, broadcast, brothers, chivalry, choice, comments, community, concern, conversation, converse, cousin, cycle, cyclical, dating, daughter, differece, disconnect, disrespect, family, Female, fiacee, Fiance, gentleman, Girl, girlfriend, good, grandmother, Hoe, husband, India Arie, intimacy, intimate, It Takes a Village, learn, like, male, man, Marriage, morals, mother, Oedipus, OEdipus Rex, parenting, partner, People, postaday2011, protect, provide, raised, regard, relate, relationship, respect, responsibility, self-esteem, self-respect, Sibling, sister, speaking, spouse, Talk To Her, talking, taught, the poetess, upbringing, Village, Woman, words, writing, youth
200 Men Said…..Oedipus’s Words
In 200 Men Said.... on 8 February 2011 at 12:00 amIt has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.
As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.
How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.
So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:
And their final answers were:
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