200 Men Said….OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!

So, by now I pray that you have read my blog called “You Killed Chivalry, You Bastard!”. If not, I suggest you head on over there and get to reading so you can know where this stems from. Don’t worry… we won’t wait for you to return, but the blog will still be here when you do.

Now, as I mentioned in last month’s blog, (You Killed Chivalry You Bastard, Pt 1)YKCYB for short, I HAD to take this to my 200 Men, it wouldn’t have been right for me to take my “I am Woman Hear Me Roar” stance without consulting the world’s top male perspective…lol. Buuuuuuuut I must confess, they don’t know why I asked them. I pretty much assume that they think that every question I ask them is something that has personally happened to me. Boy, they must think I am jacked up. Well, the truth of the matter is, not all of what I ask has happened to me, and I hold the key to which of it has……and judging by YKCYB, this one happened to me. But, like I said…..I didn’t need for my 200 Men to know that from the jump. I wanted their pure and honest answer on the situation, without me swaying what asshole did to provoke me to ask the question in the first place. I must say, my 200 men never let me down.

So, I asked the following question:

Do you, as a man, think that a man should open all car doors for a female….no matter if she is a driver or passenger? And should he ALWAYS open these doors?

And they came back with…… (Warning, I do not edit or proofread majority of their responses…lol):

You Killed Chivalry, You Bastard! Pt1

I don’t think that men actually get it. I mean, the fastest ways to piss me off is to not act your age and to stab Chivarly in the back in my presence. Yes, a tad bit dramatic… I get it, but I am fed up with it. Why couldn’t I have been born 50 years before my time. I would rather have fought Jim Crow than to squabble with Dumbasses. Trust me, this is not an exaggeration… white man…. call me nigger.  I honestly could take that over my own black supposed king calling me bitch.

Where is this stemming from, you ask? So there is this “guy”. I could say sooooooooooo much right now but I am choosing not to as not to set his whole entire village on fire. Fuck burning the bridge, I want to set his future grandkids on fire! He irks the shit out of me in ways that I didnt even know that I could be disturbed. I mean… I have had thoughts of fucking him up. I keep trying to give him a chance because I already know that I am crazy, but there is no helping this fucker in my presence.

So today, I woke up feeling horrible. I was supposed to spend the night at his house (TRUST ME THERE WAS NO SEX GOING ON UNLESS HE RAPED ME!). But, I knew that I would want to come home and get some rest after blogging about The Braxtons  and Sinbad so I called and asked if we could reschedule. I was respectable. But as the day went by I started to feel a little bit better…. took meds….and then said I could come over for a little bit but not stay the night. So we are kicking it…..

200 Men Said…. Male Grooming

         Daily, women are taking painful trips to the airport only to wind up with landing strips, while others make the complete journey to Brazil. For what? All in the name of some twisted fantasy for men to relive their high school virgin days where girls’ “barely there” hair excited them to pleasures beyond belief. But really… wasnt the whole point of getting hair “down there” was proving that you are now an adult? Now what i do and/or don’t do to my nether regions is between me and my thighs…..but you have to admit that it is not the easiest thing to do to have razor bumps, hot wax scars, and tiny hairs ripped from their humble abode….all to please a man.

        So what do the men do? I mean, the LEAST they could do is push the forest back a little. Maintain their tool shed. Put some order to the sausage display. And the list goes on. It shouldnt be THAT hard for a guy to maintain his family jewels if he expects his woman to maintain the jewel case.  So I got to asking around and seeking answers from my close friends, and the responses were hilarious.

200 Men Said….Real Men Cry!

        After thinking about writing a blog about Eric Benet’s song Sometimes I Cry, I thought to ask my 200 men the very question that the song brings forth. I mean, after all…. it is so taboo for a man to cry in public. That CANNOT be healthy. I really want to find the very first father who turned to his son and told him to stop crying and punch him in the throat. Well, now that I think about it…. I think a spirit literally just came and smacked ME in the face. Was this something deemed a living legend from slavery? Was this an ancestral chain that has yet to be broken?

        I am writing this on February 16th, 2011, and I have no clue when I will post it, but in the midst of Black History Month one has to ask if men not crying stems from slavery. Now I have seen my father cry several times and I think that was so healthy. I have also spoken with one of my brothers about how he cried after an incident. Yet, to see a person that I am in a relationship cry is harder to do than running up and hugging the Queen of England! It’s as if the very gender that needs to release from all of the burdens and stress that they are expected to carry are the very ones who have become socially banned from doing so. But was this rooted in a slave father telling a son not to cry before an overseer, or an elder telling Kunta not to cry while being whipped as not to show a sign of weakness or fear? Did this get passed through the blood to the civil rights age where blacks didn’t cry in front of Bull O’Connor and his water hoses? Or instilled in the students who sat at the lunch counters as the were saturated with hate? And did it carry into the blood of the many men who were castrated and became strange fruit that decorated the roadsides of many southern towns? If so, what purpose does it have today?

So I asked my 200 Men:

Some people think that a man crying is a sign of weakness. Are you afraid to cry in front of people? If so, why or why not?

And they came back with these responses:

• ”DUKE” BANNER:  When my heart aches, or I’m very sad, it really doesnt matter where I am; I’m not ashamed. 
• Lateef25:  I’m not going to judge people for crying, but I’ve never had a reason , since I was young, to cry. 
•  Kycajrome L: I say it depends on what the man is crying about…lol But if a man is emotionally in touch with his feelings then that’s pretty healthy emotionally. Then the problem or question is , are the other’s around him mature enough to handle it [his crying].
•  Mark D: No, I don’t think there is anything wrong with crying in front of people . We are all human beings, and not heartless animals!
• CHRIST- O:  It’s not a problem for me, because I know who I am. And no one’s opinion of one aspect of my life will make me change my whole lifestyle.
• DA FLY GUY: CRYING IS A SIGN OF MATURITY!
•  Jesse (TEAM MARK CASH 4 EVER ): I’m not afraid to cry in front of people. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of being human.
• DSMILEY1:  I’m not afraid because I have done it before. Real men cry to show emotion!
• on the rocks…:If a man cries in front of others, usually there’s a very valid reason. I can’t see any reason for a man to be all overly emotional over most things..like movies and women and graduations and such [2Deep: Did this nut just say women…. lmao!!! Y’all see why I love their honesty so much..lol]
• Allen Ozark: No, but unfortunately I was born without tear ducts. [2Deep:  I can’t tell if he is telling the truth or if that is even medically possible….lol]
• Kevin R: I’m not [afraid], because I know how strong of a man I am.
• Carlos V: No, I think it’s fine for a man to cry.
• rroyallty:  I think if he is running around crying everyday, all the time..its a problem. But if there is a significant reason and you’re around a select few..let it out or you will snap
•  godschild 1111870: My ex made me cry too much; not happening any more.
•  Code Name Bigsexy:  No, I would cry if I could not help it. lol. And I get mad when I cry. So I get mean; n one better think or say anything [to me].  ©☛Anthony☚©: LOL. It’s not bad to cry.
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: No and yes. I’ll cry, but not for long, and then I’ll play it off. Because men aren’t suppose to show that much emotion. And it’s because emotion distorts rational thinking.         
• Jerome P: Although I dont do it often, I’m man enough to cry. It’s very important to release feelings.Thats why jails are over crowded now.
• Rated R Superstar: Well, a man crying doesnt make you a weak man, that’s a strong man. We’re all human, and we all feel the same pain…
•  DON CUE: No, I’ve lost too many loved ones to care what other people think!
•  LAW.. DA ROC BOYZ:  It all depends on what he’s crying about. Personally, I don’t like to cry, but hey, im human so it happens.
•  Danny P: I’m not afraid to, but yeah it is embarrassing. Because our society still trains men to think it’s not ok. Sure, we talk like it’s ok, like it’s what we all want, but it’s not really. That’s my experience anyway.
•  BIG SEKZI: Nope, because I’m very confident and secure with myself
•  Sensual Nupe: No, I’m not. It really depends on the situation. It takes a strong man to show his emotions. If I just lost a family member or a close friend, I will cry and I don’t care whose around.
•  www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ ent: Tears of Joy are the only tears you will see me cry. I don’t do emotional tears anymore.
• Prestige “The One And Only”: Definitely not afraid but I don’t do it. It’s not a sign of weakness. People just see it that way as if that individual is weak at that moment. For me, I feel stronger when I cry, if I’m crying in front of people it most likely means “Stand the hell by”.
•  6’5 & NICE WIT IT: Put it like this, one day you will ’cause tears cant stay inside forever
• James M: A man crying is not a sign of weakness, but if he’s at the movies crying then that’s a different story. I have cried in front of people and it didn’t make me weak.

• Aries Brotha: I’m not afraid to cry in front of people, but I’m only comfortable showing that side of myself with close friends and family. Lame as it sounds, my mom taught me to be free with my emotions, and my dad told me Real Men don’t ever cry. I found my own way.
• !!!!! A !!!!!!James L: Heck ,I’m crying now! lol! I think a man who’s in tune with his feelings is a true man and real to life. There are some happy times and sad times that makes us cry and only robots and the dead don’t cry..

 

And as usual I must have a FAVORITE comment, and all though I have several …. I choose:

• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Worrying about what people think is a sign of weakness… Your feelings are your only true form of strength at times. How you fight through hurt, how love can make you feel invincible and how something may move you to tears and still be a man. …..THAT IS STRONG!

And my most revealing comments, and one of the reasons I wanted to write this blog ,came from:

• James F:  Yes, I think it’s weakness. A man should always dominate his emotion and not be a prisoner of them. I’m not afraid to cry, but I’m just not going to cry in front of people. Like, if someone dies or someone I cared about died, I won’t show that emotion openly. If I cry it’s gonna be by myself. The reason for that, my father always told me “stop crying. You’re a big boy” when I was younger. Plus, the environment that I grew up in…. you couldnt cry. That was so-called being “Soft” or “a punk”. You would be a target. You couldn’t be a sheep around wolves or they would eat you alive.

       I have witnessed a guy lose his mother, a football player break his leg, and a DC teen being shot and still ALL of them refused to cry in the presence of others. IN NO WAY IS THIS HEALTHY!!! I think that these are perfectly excusable moments where a man could cry in front of others and people would understand and keep it moving. Yet even in movies like Menace to Society they joke on the men who cry when they are being shot should they survive. Or in Cadillac Records where Muddy Waters runs up the stairs and can be hard crying audibly but wouldn’t cry in front of his wife.  This is where I am glad that I am not a man. Because sometimes this world gets too much to bear and you should be allowed to release everything that you hold inside. Now I’m not saying that a man should cry when he stumps his foot, because NO ONE should cry that easily, but it is okay to cry sometimes in public. But as James F pointed out, his environment wouldn’t allow him to cry; it became a method of survival. But I think it was a method by default because those who would have picked on him needed an outlet and since they couldn’t cry, they would have picked on those who felt they needed to and actually did. So in actuality they would have picked on those brave enough to express their true emotions. But as shown, in most cases kids were too afraid to or told by parents not to because they were “big boys”.

        I think we should stop putting a gender on crying and rather start putting a situation on crying. For example, if a child is upset about dropping their ice cream cone, we shouldnt say “Stop crying. Boys don’t cry over dropping an ice cream cone” but rather we should say “It’s just an ice cream cone. So stop crying.” This way people will begin to express their feelings better. Because much like how there are gateway drugs, tears are the gateway emotion.  You cry when you are happy, sad, mad, confused, upset, and LMAO-ing.  SO if you tell a boy/man that he can’t cry you are taking away the gateway to about 90 percent of his emotional expressions. So express to your sons when it is healthy to cry and when it is okay to cry. Also, that it is okay to cry in front of people. We’re all human…we’ve all cried at some point in our lives. So its okay for you to cry too. And if anyone has a problem with it…. tell them to come see me. *Cocks Arizona issued riffle* Yeh, let’s see how fast we can get them to cry…lmao.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said…Cater to Me

So, after doing my 200 Men Said….Let a Man be a Man [<~Click Here] blog, I realized that there is so much emphasis in men wanting to DO things to and for women. It is as if it is in their genetic coding to be a doer. But also, it is in my genetic coding as a woman to take care of and for my man. I am very old fashion in this thinking. I can’t wait until I am married ( IN NO RUSH) so that I can be a power woman at the office during the day [Read 200 Men Said….Independent Woman] and then head home to cook dinner, run my man’s bath water and meet him at the door to take his coat and shoes. Yes, I , 2Deep, have been brainwashed as a 50’s housewife…. but that is something that I really want to do when I get married. Notice I said married… er’ybody doesnt deserve, nor should they get, this treatment. You need to reserve some things for your marriage. Now… back to the 50’s.

        I honestly believe that with all of the things that men are so head-strong in doing for us women, there should be a moment of reciprocation as a sign of appreciation. Yes, they have conditioned “some” of us to the point of being spoiled and always expecting things, but at the same time, it wont kill us to show some appreciation back. It goes along with the theory that even the strongest structures in the world need to be maintained in order to maintain their strength and appeal. The Golden Gate Bridge, Statue of Liberty, and Eiffel Tower do not remain the iconic structures that they are without people caring for them after they stand tall and beautiful for the world to see. Our men, much like these structures, seldom….if ever, drop the macho man facade that they put on for the rest of the world. So, it then becomes our job to help them maintain, unwind, and remain the strong structures that they are.

        How do we do that, you ask? Simply…. cater to your man! Yes, remember when Beyonce use to scream that before Jay put a ring on it? Yes, cater. He should be opening doors, pulling out chairs, walking on the curb side of the sidewalk, and protecting you….so what would it hurt if you reached over and unlocked his door from the inside of the car, said thank you, or held his arm to let him know that you feel safe? Would it kill you to cook for him and not want anything in return? Would it interfere with your spirit to wash a load of clothes between What Chili Needs is Therapy and Real Housewives of South East Compton? Or would you convert to satanism if you chose to sit and watch a show that HE wants to watch as you rubbed your fingers across his hair while he laid his head in your lap? Sorry fellas…I had to tell everyone that you do lay your head in our laps outside of sex…lol. These things will not only help you get a man but they will definitely set you on the path of keeping one.

       So I wondered…..were my 200 Men in agreement with me and my catering to “him” ideals? Was I making this up just because I wanted to take care of someone or was there proof that guys like to be catered to just as much as women do. So I asked:

It is my belief that men like to be catered and pampered from time to time, too. Is this true? And what do you consider your favorite activity to get pampered with/by? i.e Dinner, massage, etc. 

And the answers came pouring in!!!!!

• DSMILEY1: yes & i would love a full body massage
• Chub L: I love that long, sensual, hot oil massage. The kind so deep and passionate that it makes me feel like I could just collapse at any given moment. The type of massage that says I’m wanted with every touch.
• CHRIST- O: I DO, BUT DONT CALL IT PAMPERING. DINNER, MASSAGE, BATH WATER RAN, ROLL ME SOMETHING TO SMOKE N LET ME WATCH TV, ILL BUST MY ASS FOR YOU THEN. [2Deep: LMAO!!! That is the best and most honest answer that you can get ladies….lol. So even if your man isnt a smoker, I have a feeling that the same rules apply]
• Kycajrome L: Pampered…..No lol! not really a manly word….I’m just saying I’ve never heard another brother say ” I wish my lady would pamper me more ” LOL….NEVER ,and most won’t say….no not dinner again tonite…i want a massage instead…really!!!
• ICE: I wanna cater to u
•  DEVON B: personally , I would like to be pampered, by a little wine and dine, maybe a massage for at least 20 to 20 plus min.then i would like…. well im different .i like different things…but whatever i like thats what i would want to be pampered with and some extra[ <~2Deep: Ha! He used Pampered!}
• BIG SEKZI: dinner and massage
• Code Name Bigsexy: lol me being pampered is me pampering her.i love affection.dinner always makes me feel good {2Deep: HA!!! HE USED PAMPERED TOO!!! Okay, maybe my caucasian brothers are moer apt to using the word pampered than my black brothers…lol]
• Danny P: sure, well as for me, i like to be pampered as well. i think it’s a constant exchange when two people love one another. i like whatever comes from the heart. [2Deep: I proved my point…]
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: the way 4 me to be catered is 2 let me cater 2 her with that same thing… thats enuff 4 me
• DJ Urban Cowboy: A nice deep massage after a long day or a good workout at the gym will do worlds in my relationships
• DARIUS J: YES I DO I LIKE LONG BACK MASSAGES AND THEN SUM…….
• rroyallty: Yes. Dinner, massage, a lil ego boost and peace of mind without alot of mouth during that time frame would be nice. Some pleasure would be nice also.
•  Jerome P: yes, i think we like special treatment from time to time. my favorite activity is having my favorite meal prepared for me.
•  …….: I just prefer some sex and i’m ok
• on the rocks…: Dont nag me…just come sit with me, kick your feet up, and show me you know how to chill without feeling like you’re wasting precious moments in life by not shopping, running errands, or etc…you can even have the remote, just dont cut on any reality tv.
• Vince V: Well your belief is most accurate. I personally enjoy getting the whole spa type treatment from my woman, followed by a great home cooked dinner and a movie cuddled up together, then followed by her treating me to a sensual strip tease and a soft sexual seduction.

 

And my favorite comment came from :

• Prestige “The One And Only”: Of course….we are arguably bigger On pampering than women. Personally i prefer for a woman to rub her hands in my hair [2Deep:  Damn… him just admitting that is sexy as hell. *sigh* Okay…let me get back to writing this blog]

 

       Okay, so I learned not to use the word PAMPER when refering to a man….lol. But I was right on point when it came to them liking when their woman catered to them. The majority of them seem to like massages, outside of the obvious sex. And as you can see… each man is very different in what it is that he likes and/or considered as catering to activities. No one makes me laugh harder than Christ-O’s answer, but if that is what he likes, then as his woman I suggest that you learn how to roll something for him to smoke….lol.

       But like Prestige said, men are arguably bigger on pampering than women. But fellas, with all of the tough exterior and concern about what is a manly word and what will your boys think…..you guys send off the WRONG signs. If it werent engrained in me to be this way, I dont know if my guy would ever be pampered. Women are soft and we like clean nails, softER hands and softER feet rubbing up against us. It doesnt make you less of a man but it lets you get closer to your woman. So relax…..we’ve got you….IF YOU LET US. And majority of us want to. I’ll never forget the time I bought my guy a huge sunflower, which is actually the most masculine flower, and he took care of that damn thing and wouldnt let it die. When I asked him why he cared for it so much he said, “Because no one has ever done anything like that for me before and I wanted to take care of it to show you how much I appreciated you. Plus, a man’s not use to getting flowers.” lmao! Another time I taped a card to the ceiling above the bed for my man to see when he woke up while I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast with ALL of his favorite things. Still to this day he keeps bringing it up as one of the most thoughtful things that any female has ever done for him…and we dont even date any more…lol. *pats myself on the back*.

       I have to insert a line or two here on behalf of the INDEPENDENT WOMEN who think like I do. Fellas, I never say it out loud, but I am an independent woman, and how I behave in the streets is not how I am at home. For the world I will not take bull, but I am more than willing to come home and cater to you if the sentiments are mutual. THIS is what a real independent woman is all about. Don’t be afraid to approach us, and don’t let those wanna-be independent women scare you off from the real powerhouses that we are. Trust me, you haven’t had a woman until you’ve had one that can negotiate the closing costs on a house being built and then come home and take care of you in the house. *Wink* And in some points of views….catering to is a form of subtle submission…think about it.  So, let your women cater to you…and if she doesn’t…. tell her I SAID BOUNCE!!! And replace her with a real woman.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said…Dueces Dos and Don’ts

        If you checked out my blog yesterday, Lyrically Speaking: Keri Hilson~Intuition [<~Click Here] Then you would already know what this blog is going to be about.  Women have the best intuition skills on the face of this earth, but sometimes your signal could be off and you could blame a man who is doing something based on your own fears and insecurities. This is a No, No.  There are things that women think they are good at, or things that should occur in a relationship….and those very things could be the thing that breaks up the relationship.

        For instance, do we as women listen as much as we like to complain that men don’t listen to us? I would have to say that women are the WORST listeners. Men damn near are forced into listening and women are unaccustomed to doing so. SO, I thought that I would lay somethings out in front of you in plain view.

        We often times wonder if things were our fault when it comes to a relationship ending. Did we do something wrong? What could we have done better? Etc. But then we get into our pride, listen to our bitter ass girlfriends and fail to accept our part in a relationship going wrong. Most of the issue is that we didn’t listen to our partner or the warning signs that something was not going the way that it should, yet and still we pretended that all was gravy and ignored it. MISTAKE! We must face facts. And no matter how many hours we spend hovering over a box of Ben and Jerry’s we will always find ourselves blameless. So, I thought that I would ask my 200 Men the following question:

If there were 2 things that you could get women to do (or stop doing) in a relationship to make it work or last longer…what would those 2 things be and why? Send me a message for longer answers.

        Now before you read these answers, you have to be open and honest with yourself. Before you go any further I need you to make the promise that you will not negate a single one of these answers. These guys deal with women, therefore they know what has bothered them in a relationship. Are all of these responses going to be about you? No, not unless you have been with all of these guys. But SOMETHING in here will strike a chord and pinch a nerve and you have to be willing to face that fact and be ready to fix it, because if it is listed… then it is a problem.

And the 200 Men Said….

• Vince V: sorry I don’t like this question…for one it automatically assumes that it is something that a woman does or doesn’t do that causes relationships to end. when we all that is not true. (just keeping it real) no two relationships r the same, every one ends for different reasons. but if you want to hear the general consensus of the male demographic, the answer to your question would be… be more explicitly sexual and open to diversity in the bedroom, and to domesticate themselves a little more (learn to cook and clean).
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Assuming 2 Much! And Needs 2 Communicate More!..Muahz..Pefect..lol
• …….: Stop always acting like everything is about money,and stop acting like everything is about money lol
• K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: WELL TWO THINGS ARE STOP ACCUSING A MAN OF BEING OUT WITH OTHER WOMEN AND SECOND , STOP BEING SILENT WHEN SOMTHING IS ON YOUR MIND!
•  ICE: Shut up lol…and trust me 🙂
• Lateef25: not be so dramatic and just think before you react
• Aries Brotha: Stop boasting about the intimacy shared in the bedroom. And to stop agonizing about where the relationship is going. Boasting could lead her friends wanting to see what’s up. Relationships evolve so there isn’t really any way to plan the future.
• Jerome P: i think women should not assume what a man knows.Tell him whats going on in your head. just because we dont know something about you doesn’t mean we’re not paying attention to you. We don’t pick up on everything so quickly
•  James F: take care of her appearance and be a good listener
• Code Name Bigsexy: 1 NO MALE FRIENDS.2 KNOW WE ARE A TEAM THAT MEANS I HELP YOU AND YOU HELP ME
•  !: be satisfied with your man’s position in life if he is happy…In other words, if he makes 60000 and content why bash him for not wanting more, or dressing a certain way, etc…just like him for him or make a change in her life.
•  !A Gentleman! (BBM:30A835CD): If I can get women to stop looking at me or guarding themselves as if I was the man who hurt them. Stop assuming you know us, every man is the not same, we’re not! we are all different.
•  
• THIS GUY: stop always trying to be right and stop trying to destroy another peaceful day
• James L: To stop treating all guys like their cheaters because of their past relationship experience. You will run the good guy off. Say what you mean!!!! We can’t read between your lines, to many possibilities. Make it plain and simple what you want.

AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE COMMENT CAN FROM :

• Prestige “The One And Only”: Control your own confidence level. A man shouldn’t dictate a woman’s love for herself, if ever it gets to the point where I am the sole source of her believing in herself it becomes very unattractive. And never stop setting goals….

 

        I read that comment and I wanted to revert back to southern Baptist Church days. PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gone On And Tell ’em The TRUTH, PASSA! (Yes, I said Pass and not Pastor).  Don’t ask him if that dress makes you look fast. You knew you looked fat and wanted confirmation. Or you THOUGHT you looked fat and need to hear someone else say the words that mimic the thoughts in your head. That is NOT fair to him. You need a self-check. You need to be able to stand on your own. Confidence is sexy as shit! And the sooner you think you are beautiful is the same minute that the world will begin to agree with you. No self-denial can be included in this. So no obese chicks in 2-piece swimsuits because it doesn’t mean you are confident, that shows you are faking confidence.  Nor does it mean that the skinny girl who believes that she has the bomb as body should go around and show everyone. Think about it, some of the most valuable collections of the world are behind glass and locked up where no one can see it or have limited access. Why would you expose your treasure? You are worth being the first to know that you are beautiful and worth being loved. Love yourself first, trust me when I tell you it is a beautiful thing.

 

        Of course I agree with the intro to Vince V’s response and “……”‘s answer cracks me the hell up. But they all hold a good point in them. And even though ICE wants to get jumped… there is a point to his message as well. We must all learn to shut up SOMETIMES and listen just as much as we wish to be listened to.

 

       Aries Brotha makes a great point about boasting and being a bug-a-boo. Ladies… if you read my Advice from the Other Woman blog you would know that you don’t tell your friends SHIT!! If they ask, just say everything is good. Only stupid females and high school chicks share the details of their relationships. STOP IT!!! Your man is telling you that if you tell you must have wanted someone to know so you can’t get mad when he gives a private tutorial to your best friend…lmao. Just kidding, but you catch my drift. And bugging him about where the relationship is headed is a sign that you are desperate. Seriously. If he wants you, you will know it. if you have to ask, then he doesn’t want you. Make yourself less available and show him that you have a life to live with or without him. If he can’t live without you….he’ll be back. So relax ladies, your asking is why your relationships keep failing. Your overall problem is talking, so shut up to your friends and to your man when it comes to where this relationship is headed… lmao. Well, do so in moderation.

 

      And of course, the Bag Lady Effect. Boo, leave Tyrone’s issues with Tyrone. Keith didn’t hurt you, he may in the future, but you dont know that yet. Pain hurts but it makes us stronger. Imagine how many times iron has to be melted, molded, and hit over and over again to get it to a point where it holds up structures, becomes the frame for others. It feels like you are dying, but you wont. TRUST ME! I’ve been through some shit and I am still here. You are not afraid of Love. You are afraid of being hurt by Tyrone. Well you left Tyrone. Be able to think logically and not emotionally so much. This is nothing new. We’ve heard it all before. Now is the time to believe it and understand the effects of it. The men you seek do NOT like these behaviors. If there are things that you want them to change, you too have to be more willing to change the things about you that bother them. But I’m just a girl too. I suggest to myself that I need to follow my advice. And Scene!

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Asked….Special Edition

        So, I figured that since I ask my 200 men sooooo many questions, I might as well allow them to ask me question or two. So, there is no other rhyme or reason to this blog other than to post the questions that they asked me and for me to answer.  I also find it interesting to see what questions they chose to ask me when given the opportunity to do so….lol. Well, here we go.

So I asked my regular 200 Men:

I am ALWAYS asking you a question. Thanks for answering. But if there was one thing that you could ask me and I HAVE to answer it, what MATURE & RESPECTABLE question would you ask?

And they, in return, asked me:

MR. LOVING: Why are you here? What do you do? If you are single, why are you?

        WOWZERS! I did say ONE question right? So, since the question is a legally binding statement I get to answer one of these questions. So, I choose the first. I am on [this social network] to meet cool and interesting people; mission accomplished. I love to come here and chat with different people. And 200 Men Said and the Questions application is amazing.

Lateef25: Why are you so curious of what men think?

        I think that I am so curious as to what men think is because seldom do we ever hear what you all think. As a woman, magazines are written for women, by women. And if you do get a book about what a man wants or thinks that is written by a man, that is only THAT man’s perspective which cuts out the other 99.99999999 percent of men out there who think differently. So, I though….why not ask 200 Men questions to get a wide range of experiences and opinions. Plus, I have a ton of female followers on Twitter (@_2Deep_) that ask me questions. I give them advice but I think that it means more to have them view what you write as an answer to my question. That way they dont think I’m just another girl giving girl advice, but real men telling them how it is on the other side of the fence. Besides, most of the time I think like guys in certain situations so I am highly guy sensitive..lol. And finally, the world is all about uplifting women… seldom do you see anything male focused… so I thought that I would do my part.

Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Simply 2 Share Ur Knowledge wit Me 2 Help Me Grow In Our God’s Eyes, Mind, Spirit, n Vessel..Thx

        I don’t think that was a question…. but thanks just the same. Read my answer to Lateef25 & let me know if you like it.

Chub L:  Mature and respectable huh? lol….Anywho!, #1. What gruesome events have transpired in your life that have caused you to be as no non-sense as you are? #2. Why do you like asking me questions?

        Ummm…. Check out My blog Advice From the Other Woman , The House My Father Built, and What Happens in this House: A Molestation Survivor Speaks (Click the Blue to read those blogs). There is SOOOOO much more, but that is where it starts. I have come, and continue to come, to the conclusion that those are just things that I have overcome and not situations that define me. So, I made up in my mind that people were not going to run over me or bullshit me and anyone who does will get canceled quick. Hope that answers your question.

rroyallty: How about this: What are some of the most annoying/ignorant questions that you have received from guys on [social networkin site]? Do you 1. respond put them, 2. put them on blast on your wall or 3. just ignore them.

        Okay, I see what is happening, everyone thought that they get to ask 2 questions because I said “mature and respectable”. lmao! NOPE!  But to answer your question, I think it depends. Sometimes I just dont have the energy to put a guy in his place so they get ignored. Other times I just have to put them in their place, but I do so by using reverse psychology. lol. Like if a guy says something sexual to me that is inappropriate I may tell him that he is so much better than what he is displaying of himself and that he shouldnt even want a female who would reply to that. Other times I just go straight for the nuts and gut check ’em. lol. And yes, sometimes I have placed people on my status just to let the rest of the nut bags know not to mess with me. So, yeh, it depends.

 CHRIST- O:  Could you, as Queen, express the lady inside you, while taking charge like a real Independent Woman and still be the supporting structure in a serious relationship?

        Okay, so I wrote 3 Blogs about this: Lyrically Speaking: Lyfe Jennings~ Hero, 200 Men Said…. An Independent Woman’s Place, and 200 Men Said….Cater to Me (All of which will be posted in the upcoming weeks so come back and check out those links..lol) But to answer your question and not give away the blogs….yes, yes I can. I think that the term independent woman captures all that in its true definition. If I had to pick two eras where I could live comfortably it would be the 90s during the day and the 50s at night. I so much want to be a power house kind of woman during the day and a cater to my man type of woman at night. I dont think that one would take away from the other at all. I don’t have to be under my man all of the time, but when I am I cherish those moments and appreciate them greatly. I believe that in order for me to be there for my man I need to have my life, and my own goals in order to come back to support him by using my experiences and my problem solving skills. The experiences that will build together will be a bonus for me, a bonus that I look forward to. So, now that you have caused me to lose my street credit…. may I move on to the next question? lol.

 Black Kryptonite aka the KID: Why do you ask so many questions? After awhile that can kind of become . . . . I think you get the point

        LMAO! Well, first…. I thank you for your honesty. Secondly, I ask so many questions because I was just starting the series here on my blog. I didn’t know how long I would have the attention of you all so I thought that I would ask as many questions as I could think of and how ever many questions my Twitter followers could send me. But now that I am actually behind in writing blogs I have slowed down a bit…lol. But I thank you for answering them. I promise not to be a pain in the ass any more.

Code Name Bigsexy: lol. I’m a man so I’ll go with…. are you attracted to me?

        LMAO! Sexy… I swear you are a trip and you keep me smiling. I mean… yeh, you could get it. lmao! I would have to let me resident White Boy Drew Law know that you are giving him a run for his money, because I am all ready for a fight over me. hahahah. But I like your straight-forwardness, and how you are you and that you never change. Your character is amazing and is very admirable. So keep doing you boo… it’s sexy.  Just don’t take any more prison squat pics…lmao! You know I had to get ya!

!: If you met a guy you really liked but he was only interested in companionship or very close friend with benefits but nothing serious at the moment…would you be okay with that ?

        Ummm… would I be seeking a relationship with him? I mean, no matter what I have to listen to what he is saying and NOT what I am interpreting him to say. And yes, I have become good friends with guys that I really liked and over time they remained good friends and I am happy with that. Every guy you like is not meant to be a person that you will date and you have to be mature enough to understand that. Also, as time goes by you find out more about them and become thankful that you didn’t date them…lol. Now the whole frienifits package… ummm… I have only done that once and yeh, never again. I say never again because it becomes pointless to share yourself but not share yourself. It’s like you are a kissing a person you are not in a relationship with and that seems so friggin pointless. Had fun, but never again. He messed it up for everyone. lol. Just kidding, he didn’t mess it up, it just wasnt the arrangement for me to have with him. Lord I am telling too much… NEXT!

 ICE: Would you put more pics up of you in a shirt and heels?

        Hey rroallty, was this the type of questions you were referring to? lmao! Just kidding, but not! Ummm… ICE, to answer your question… probably not. That was a one time photo shoot and I was the one with the MOST clothes on in the entire house…lol. But I take it that you enjoyed the photos and I thank you for that.

DSMILEY1: Why are you not married yet? 

        Usually…..I ignore this question. But I will give you an answer because you asked. I am not married because I have yet to be asked by a man for me to marry him. My typical answer, when pressed for one, is because it was not my time to be married or again, my husband hasn’t met me yet. I always find that a weird question to ask a woman, because it is obvious. She hasnt be asked. Now it seems more appropriate to ask a guy since he is the one who does all of the asking. But when the day comes, if the man is the one….. I will say yes. Was that too smart-ass of an answer? I tried so hard not to be…lol.

 

P Reddz: Are you a shrink or a detective? No disrespect. Your questions are all good questions. 

       

       WHy does everyone say that?!!!!! No, I am neither. But it seems like I should be because you are not the first to ask me that. I just think I was supposed to be an investigative journalist of sorts.

 

BIG SEKZI: What’s your ethnic background

       

        I am a mut! lmao!!! Of course I am African American. My grandmothers are both African-American, my great grandmother on my mother’s side was half Native American and half African. My Great-Great grandmother on my mother’s side was FULL blooded Native American (her picture is beautiful!) & my Great-Great Grandfather was a slave. My mom has that Naija blood in her veins. NIGERIA STAND UP!!!My Dad’s side of the family is sprinkled with Puerto Ricans & Good Ol’ Black Folks…lmao. [Shot out to my cousins, the Garcias] And I was born in Germany….lol. So yeh.. I’m eclectic, to say the least.

PIECE OF WORK!! $$PET$ PET$ PET$$$: What makes you keep conversing with me?

        For starters, because you are intelligent enough to use the word conversing. THAT IS SEXY AS HELL!!!! Yeh… you can get it. lol. But because I think you are a mystery and I like that. SO keep being you.  Plus, you’re not so bad on the eyes. lol.

 

”DUKE” BANNER:  As a woman of your caliber, would you date a man below your standards because of what he looks like?

       

        Ummmmm. Can I plead the 5th? lmao! Okay, honestly? Yes, I have dated a guy who was dumber than dirt because he was fine as hell. But one day he said he wanted to take me to the National Mall to see the “pencil building.” And if you have the look on your face that I THINK you have… then you would know how I felt when he called the Washington Monument the “pencil building”. I never called him back after that. So, will I ever do it again? Ummm NEGATIVE! I have learned that the very standards that I would like for guys to hold me to and appreciate me for are the very things that I need to appreciate guys for as well. Lesson learned.

 

 

 …….:  How high is the sky? And give me the square mileage of earth?

 

        Since you are my resident smart ass… I had to reciprocate and be a smart ass with ya…lol. FYI….the second part is NOT a question but I shall oblige just the same. So since the term “sky” is so vague I had to get specific as to fully answer your question. So, how high is the sky?:

Troposphere	ground to 6 miles
Stratosphere	6 miles-50 miles
Ionosphere	50-300 miles
Exosphere	300-600 miles

And give you the square mileage of the Earth? No problem, sir. The Earth’s surface is composed of 196,939,900 square miles. I hope that this answers your question. lol.

 

Aries Brotha: What’s the best way to gain your attention, or get on your good side?

 

       What kind of question is that? That’s like you asking me what is the easiest way to break into my house and where are all of my valuables…lmao! I get what you mean, but I can’t tell you that. What I will tell you is to be you at all times. If who you are works well with my patience level, then you are golden. If it doesn’t, then it was nice knowing you while it lasted. You should also learn not to tell people how to please you because wannabes and fakes will immediately become that to please you. But if people have nothing to go off of but themselves, they will eventually slip up and show you their true colors.

 

 

 !! MYLES C AKA Mr.Grown-N-Sexxxi !!:  Hmmmm, would you be willing to give me a chance?

 

        Gee, Golly, WOW! Straight to the point.  Well… my honest answer will be…… Yeh. But by yeh  I mean, I am giving you a chance to converse with me. I never promise anything beyond conversation. I don’t know much about you other than what you answer in my blog. So sure… you can converse with me. Who knows what friendship could come from this. But from what I have seen thus far…. you’re pretty amazing. And ….not bad on the eyes either. lol.

 

        Like I said… it was going to be interesting to see what they asked me after the SEA of questions that I have hit them with over the past month and a half. I think these were good questions, but naturally….women are accustomed to asking more and better questions…lmao! I might do this again in the future. Thanks guys!

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said….Words vs Actions

If I read one more “Don’t Play Games With Your Man, But Fake an Orgasm to Keep Him” self-help book I think that I will crawl in a cave with Osama and start learning his techniques to torture relationship gurus! (ONLY RELATIONSHIP GURUS, people….its just a joke. And to the IT people on my job reading this… JOKE! Like, HAHAHA, funny.)

        Believe it or not, a ton of these books, mainly the ones written by men, are the most confusing books in the world! Dont play games, but keep him chasing you. You do know that suggests that I shouldnt be open about the way I feel because he may not be ready for that , therefore play like I am so hard to catch when I am really sitting by the phone watching Real Housewives ignoring his call. One will say keep the cookies in a cookie jar while another will tell you that a man loves intimacy and will not marry you unless he knows what ingredients your cookies are created from. Hmmm.. cant wait to see that on the Food Network. lmao! And my all time favorite source of advice is that you should watch what a man does and not what he says. What kind of schitzo fuckery is that all about? So my man says he’ll be home for dinner at 5pm so I don’t have dinner ready because I need to see what time he actually shows up? My man says he doesn’t love me but he sleeps with me every night so I should stay around based on what he is doing? LMAO!!! I know I joke a lot but My name is NOT Boobisha The Fool. None of that makes sense at all to me. I am trying to wrap my head around it, but it’s just not stretching.

       I think that a man’s words should match with his actions. And since no one is perfect, when they don’t match a woman should seek clarification and the lines of communication should be there to ensure that they are on the same note. If they never realign…then it is time to bounce. And yes, I know that nothing in life is ever that simple, but the principle remains the same, either you are or you are not…and there is no in between. This is why the status “Its Complicated” on social networks bother me… negro either you are single or you are not. Sneaking in the bathroom to call your jump off but whispering you love her is a pure contradiction because you should be man enough to say it out loud. YEH, I SAID IT… MAN ENOUGH!!! *wipes nose with back of hand thug style* AND WHAT?!

       So, while writing my blog 200 Men Said…. Let a Man be a Man [<~Come Back later for link] I came across a comment by Chub L where he said:

” Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.”

       And it hit me….. time to ask my 200 men their opinion. I wanted to know that if their actions were the opposite of what they felt and their words conflicted…. which version of the situation should I pay attention to. So, I asked:

If your words and actions were to contradict each other after an argument, which would you want your girlfriend to pay the MOST attention to? Your Words or your Actions? Why?

       Yes, I can admit that this is a loaded, and seemingly unfair question to ask… but life isn’t fair.. lmao. I actually want to see who will fight against the grain and say “both”. I also want to see the reasons they give, if any for picking one over the other. So, after about an hour of asking this question…. the answers started to roll in. And the men said….

• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Pay More attention to my actions first then my words. People may just do things without an understanding of saying to them or having it be felt rather than heard!
•  Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I just think you should put more effort in making the two meet… If you say for example that you love some… your actions should show that and if they don’t you should work at it, not just expect someone to accept that they don’t…
• DSMILEY1 :  My words; because communication is the key 
• Lateef25:  A combination
• Vince V: If this was something that happened between my girl and I, I would want her to point this out so we could straighten out the situation. Because I like to back up my words with my actions so she can trust everything i tell her and i can stay true to being a man of my word.
• James F: I want her to pay attention to both;words and actions. Both mean something
•  …….: Neither,why would you take someone confused seriously?
• rroyallty: They won’t contradict. When I say what I have to say my actions will follow. There is no in between. She needs to follow both cuz they will be in unison
• Code Name Bigsexy: Both, because if I do something other than what I say there should be a problem.You got to talk the talk and walk the walk
• MR. LOVING: Now if they were to contradict then it would be up to her.
• James M: If they contradicted..pay the most to actions because actions don’t lie.
•  CHRIST-O: MY ACTIONS, A MOUTH CAN SAY ANYTHING
• Aries Brotha: My actions. I’m one of those guys that when I’ve lost my cool. I can’t convey what I wanna say. So it’s best to read my body language, and adjust yourself accordingly. More times than not I’ll just shut down and just sit there while they talk.

 

And my FAVORITE response came from my residential comedian:

 

• Chub L: my words. I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, but please be gutsy and work with both – women are famous for multi-tasking. Multi-task that.

 

        So, after a few examples, it is nice to see that my previous prediction held true. Majority of the men said both because their words and their actions should be in alignment. So i was validated in some way. A man’s words and his actions should be in accord with one another majority of the time. But as we all know, no one is perfect. A man will act out should his pride or emotions come in jeopardy and those actions may be in total conflict with what it is that he actually means. This is a defense mechanism. You’ve seen it. The guy standing on the block with his boys, sees a fine woman and she turns him down and he immediately yells, “I didn’t want your ugly ass any way.” We all know that he did and that the girl wasnt ugly…. but those actions didn’t match with how he really felt. So, what do you do with his words and his actions are in contradiction with one another?

 

       Some say listen to my words, while others say watch my actions, but who do we believe? People can do anything and say just about anything. I think it then becomes time for the woman to live in reality and not fantasy. What has his track record shown you? Has he kept his promises ( which, oddly enough, takes action after speaking words)? Has his actions been that of respect and integrity? And do you want a person who says things but doesn’t follow through? Or do you want a guy who never says the right things but puts things into action? Like “…….” said, why do you want to deal with such confusion? That coming from a man. It is up to you as to which to believe, or listen to more, and you have to live with the choices you make. But Like Aries Brother said, sometimes he cant say what it is that he feels but he may be open to showing you. So ladies you must be open to looking for visual communication as well. Every man will not be the best communicator and you have to adapt to that as well.  Every man is very different so what worked with the last man may not work with this man. But my 200 men have proven that a real man will seldom contradict himself. If he says he loves you, then he will show it. If he shows that he loves you…..be patient, he will eventually say it.

 

I thank my 200 Men for being honest.

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said….Value of a Black Woman Pt 2 (White Men Speak)

So, by now you should have read my other post “200 Men Said….Value of a Black Woman” (<~Click Here to Read It). Well this is part 2. I thought that I would take the question and concern of that blog and take it a step further.

The same diva who gave me the idea for that blog brought up the concern of white guys showing her love when she was out and about. She said that white guys see her and give her love but they are hesitant to speak up and come and get her. She felt that it was confusing, their actions….and she wanted to know why. I told her that men are doers. If they want you, they will come get you, and if they dont…then they won’t. So it has nothing to do with race, it has to do with him wanting you for that moment versus taking you home. But I wanted to see what guys thought about that, white guys to be specific. So I flipped the question from the last post and asked my white guys.

About 20 of my White guys from 200 Men Said…. were asked:

 Many black women don’t feel as if black men value them. As a non-black man, do you think that black men value their women? Have you/Would you date a black woman over your own race? Send me a note/message for longer answers.

They all came back with great responses but I thought that I would post a few specific conversations that gave me the most information. I think you will love it!! My first conversation came from Code name Big Sexy, and this is how it went:

• Code Name Bigsexy: i only date black women and as far as black men you can never say a group of people do or don’t do anything
• Me: If you don’t mind me asking, why do you ( as a non-black) solely date black women? When did you first date a black woman? I’m trying to help a friend of mine understand, so your input would be very helpful! Thanks.
• Code Name Bigsexy: i just am attracted to black women.i grew up in [an] apt complex where every 1 was black so i guess when in rome.i have been with black women all my life in fact i have never been with a white woman
• Me: WOW!!! NEVER!!!? So, if the opportunity were to arise, would you date a white woman? Are you attracted about ANYTHING on a white woman? And I know this sounds cliché, but do you see color? What specifically about black women do you like. The more detailed the better?
• Code Name Bigsexy: i might but she would have [to be] so bad!!i love dark hair and tan to dark skin so to find a white woman with dark hair and tan skin that’s very hard.black women i just like everything from sharp outlined lips to the shine of the dark hair.to the bow outward thighs and the way gold shines against their skin.really it is endless for me i could tell you things i like forever.lol and i love a woman with their hair done up real sharp
• Me: Awwww sooky sooky now!!!! Okay.So, when you are out and about and you see a black woman who you like…. how do you approach her?
• Code Name Bigsexy: well im smug so a go slam at her.if shes got nice shoes i go there, if shes got a nice body i might start with omg you are bad.then just go from there
• Me: Okay, so if you like the way a lady looks, but you’re not feeling her… do you speak or try to get her number? I know that is plain common sense, but humor me.  I ask because, a friend of mine told me that the white guys give her love but that they need to stop being scared and make a move. I told her that men DO. And if he doesn’t, then he wasnt feeling you…and that has NOTHINg to do with race.  Was I wrong to tell her that?
• Code Name Bigsexy: nope if im not feeling you im gone, sexy or not.you’re right, i guess, but some men (not me) but some fear a woman and what she might say.

I have to keep the rest of this conversation to myself because he didn’t want to be held responsible for giving away the man code! lmao! But I think that this was more than enough info to help women see how one white man feels about black women and how he chooses to value them. I simply love my conversations with Code Name Bigsexy. He has some great insight.

The next person who branched off into a conversation with me was Danny P. Danny P is a newbie to my 200 Men, but I enjoy his insight as well. Our conversation went something like this:

• Danny P: short answer: [I] thought of the examples I’ve seen first hand, [&] made columns of has shown vs has not shown. more [were in the column of ] has not shown. i find almost the same results when listing others i know. i’d date any race
• Me: Can you please expound? What kind of examples?
• Danny P: i just literally made two columns… one was [they] did value, the other [they] did not value.  more examples were [in the] did not value [column]. [The women being] cheated on was the biggest example of [how they]did not value.  another would be [them being] straight up disrespectful etc.
• Me: So, what forms of disrespect have you witnessed? I am learning as you speak…so thanks for being open
• Danny P:  lol feel like i’m being put on the spot    am i being asked cuz i’m white, and you’re trying to see if i pre judge black people?  i mean i am simply going by life experiences, which in the end is all we can go by in any real honesty.     and, to be honest, i have had times in my life where i was disrespectful as well… so no room to judge others.  i’ve had times where, as a boy, i tried to be a man… and failed.  miserably.    do i think black men are singled out as the only race who disrespect women, hell no.  i also think any person, at any time is capable of disrespect and disappointing behavior.  that being said, yes, the examples i’ve been witness too haven’t been that great all the time.  one of the people in my life i consider a brother, though a good man, couldn’t stop cheating on the women he’s been with.  cuz he’s black?  no, probably cuz of issues with women in the past that never got dealt with.  could be fear of death, could be a million reasons.  hes’ aware of his issues and i believe he’s probably working on them.    hell next we could talk about the times i’ve been robbed or attempted robbed in my life.  i’ve never been robbed by anyone other than a black man.  now does that mean i think only black men rob people.. Nope.    a person is gonna find people let them down.  human condition, expectations vs. reality.  people can never live up to what we expect.  when we love each other we try.  lol i feel a book coming on, but still should get back to the book i’m actually hoping to work on and finish for once so i’ll cut it here.  i do appreciate the deep questions, and i appreciate that you’re an intelligent woman.  have a great day 🙂

I understood everything that Danny was saying. As an outsider, he could only go by what he saw. And yes, I was asking him because he was white, but I think that it was an outsider’s eye that I needed. I would never ask him to see if he pre-judged people, but because I needed another person’s opinion. But he made sense when he made me see that ANY man can be disrespectful, can cheat, can rob, can not value their woman. it was NOT about race. I guess I knew that all a long but for journalistic purposes I thought that I would ask the question any way. It was about valuing what you have regardless of color/race. I got that. I appreciated his honesty. It was so sexy…lol.

On the flip side…. it did bring up the idea that “outsiders” could see what we insiders see too. What did that say? Was it something that should be changed? it made me fear that we would go into hiding with our problems when i fact we needed to expose them and fix them. So, is every race willing to help value each other, or would we continue to complain about this issue? I guess it was best put  by this statement by another one of my White 200 Men:

• Patrick: Assholes come in all different colors…

So…. I had our black men comment and I had our white guys comment…. well, what about our in betweens? Well, our mixed guys had a comment on the issue as well.  Vince V helped represent for the mixed men and our conversation went like this:

• Vince V: Its funny that you asked me this question. I believe that the black woman is one of GOD’s greatest creations. She is strong, beautiful, and talented enough to succeed at whatever endeavor she sets her mind to. As far as dating outside my race, i am mixed with blk and white so technically I never have. What i can tell you is that i have only dated two white females in my life time, and through those experiences i realized that being with a black woman is what i need in my life to succeed and to be happy.
• Me: Wow! So, what about those experience, if you dont mid me asking…. made you feel as if a black woman was what you needed? And which of your parents is black?
• Vince V: During one of those relationships I was young and was looking see what the world had to offer me. She was just about games and doin her. The second one is a really long story; but in short she brought me down to a very low place in my life. And I then met a real friend who happened to be a black female; who helped lift me up and out of the dilemma that I was in. After that I vowed that I would never mess with another white girl again. I realized from that friend that I only had room in my life for someone who was strong as well as beautiful. And with that being said I have just not been attracted to any race of women other than black . Dont get me wrong im not saying that women of other races arent beautiful too, but im just not attracted to them.  My father is the one that is black.
• Me:  So, …and I am just asking… do you feel that your not dating white is in any way cutting out your mother’s side of yourself?
• Vince V: My mother would want me to be with whomever made me happy. Her family is estranged from her because she chose to love who she loved.

So, how is it that a white woman fell in love with a black man and raised a mixed son that loves black women. I doubt that his mother would care who he fell in love with….. so why is it so hard for black women to allow their brothers, fathers, uncles, and sons to love whoever makes them happy? I think this is an insecurity issue on the part of many black women. I have no clue as to where to find the answer to fix this problem but I think it has to deal with self-love. Love yourself first. If you do that , you will not be concerned with who is loving whom because you will be content. When there is true, pure, and content love there is seldom room for hate or opposition. I think this is an issue because we will not let it die. Love….. we must love to get love, and that means that we must allow love to exist in all forms. To suppress one form of love is an indirect way of putting a noose on love everywhere. So, in closing…. I love you…and whomever you choose to love. I pray that they love you back unconditionally.

Thanks to all of my men who participated.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

____________________________________

200 Men Said…. College Smollege

 

Statistics would have you believing that there are no men in college, and in some cases and ethnic groups you couldn’t be closer to the truth….. but why is that? Are we as a society teaching our guys the value of an education? I seldom wonder who will I marry if most guys don’t think that a college education is as important as “getting that paper”. I mean, they tell me that I should look for someone to be my equal, and if I went to school …is it too much to ask that my future husband went to school as well? I know that this shouldn’t be the be all and end all of the world, but I think that it is a valid question.

While in school, I noticed which majors guys were signing up for. Yes, you have your random music majors, theatre majors, and art majors… but all in all you were heavily saturated with testosterone in the Engineering, Science, and Law fields. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing sexier than a hot architect who can bring the house down and then build it back up… but how did THESE guys get the message about school and so many others did not? Why did these guys feel it was good to have a degree over street credit and fast money? Why do I find these guys so freaking attractive? *shakes away thoughts* Or maybe it was a life situation that made it impossible. maybe the dread of having Salle Mae making him her bitch made him not go; understandably so. But all of this speculation is pointless unless I go directly to the source.

I have no prior knowledge of what each of these men do for a living, nor their education. I also didnt know who would get the answers back in time for my personal deadline to write this blog. Therefore, I think that the responses will be very organic, right? So, I wanted to know what the every day guy thought about college, so I asked my 200 Men:

I have seen the benefits of having a higher education and wouldn’t trade it for the world. How have/would you benefit from having a college education? Is it important to you? 

And the answers that made it in by my deadline said: 

• Prestige “The One And Only”: It’s very important which is why, while I’ve been in the military, I’m going to school.
• bree B: Yes,i do feel a higher education is important in todays society.i’ve benefited my bein able to work in a law firm for 10yrs.
• Lateef25: yes but college isnt made for everyone
• Kip S: HIGHER EDUCATION IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!…whether its a personal advantage or professional.
• Tori A: i have a law degree and im utilizing it to the best of my ability. however, i worked in the construction field for a # of yrs and it required no degree and i was promoted over time and gained a hefty salary, a lot more than more than many educated ppl
• Boss: Well I would have love to have one
• ”DUKE” BANNER: yes it is a college education give you of a sucessful life than someone with out it
• Code Name Bigsexy:anything you learn makes you a better you in school or any other place in life
•  Boots: Not only does it prepare you for obtaining a career but it also helps you learn life lessons. How to be completely responsible for yourself w/out your parents help. You learn how to be an adult.
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: yes it is imortant ..i believe we r all students 4 life!

• Black Kryptonite aka the KID: Having a college education has opened so many doors for me as well as given me resourcefulness. So many black youth squander the reality of a degree/education as wastefulness. It is what you make it
• Aries Brotha: education is important to me, and I do plan on going back to ITT Tech to finish what I started. I’ve benefited personally by being exposed to people that are further along than me in the field and reaped a plethora of knowledge and connections.
•  Johann J: In this economy every little bit helps. Having a college education increases overall wage benefits and helps job stability.
•  H.O. R: well most of my friends have been to collage and we talk about all the time but its really no different than anyone else. so its not that important but i would love to be able to get mine but I’m good
•  !: I really havent benefited from a higher education. Its just another highschool diploma unless you have a specialized field like medice or law.. 80% of graduates never work in their field of study…Just looks better on resume than some with a h.s. diploma.
• John G: Yes my college education has opened doors for me in all ways. Just the name of the school offers a significant prestige to my qualifications.
•  *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: Well i was fortunate to have a higher education also, and it is very important to me. I’m about to go back to College and pick couple of more degrees, maybe go to law school if i finally decided to pursue law.
• PIECE OF WORK!! $$PET$ PET$ PET$$$: yes it is thats why i am working on it
• Randall: yes it is very important to me i urge people everyday to make they get one bc i have one plus i have my skills that helps me out to make a great living if u dont have a skill all the degrees in the world means nothing when u cant find a job

• DA FLY GUY: WELL MAMI I HAV AN ASS DEGREE N COMMUNICATIONS N WIT DA WAY IT IS NOW THEY LOOKN AT IT LIKE A DAM HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA,SO MY PLANS IS 2 GO BACK 4 2 MORE YEARS SUMTIME ANOTHA YA DIG? I KNO PPL WIT OUT DEGREE’S THATS MAKEN BIG MONEY RITE NOW.

• P Reddz: HIGHER EDUCATION IS THE KEY!! I WISH I WOULD HAVE DONE IT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER.
• MR. LOVING: Working in my field & yes it’s important!

• Hit me up on facebook-UB: Having a college education is important bacause what ever you major in you will pick up the basic knowledge and skills you need to go into the work force. But in order to get that degree you have to work hard to succeed.

My most interesting comment came from :

• James F:  having a college education is a good thing..but its not important to me..all college does or school in general is teach you how to be a good employee..thats all school is they give you information and they want you to remember it…you can search for knowledge and truth on your own cause they dont tell the truth in school especially about black history

 I have to agree with him on some points and disagree with him on the other. I agree that you should be able to seek knowledge and truth on your own. But there are truths that you can’t have access to unless you have the inside track. DO you know that certain schools hold the rights to out of print books? Also, there was a ton of stuff I didn’t even KNOW I was missing until I went to school and I began to wonder why they didn’t teach us this in high school. So yes, but no. Having been through school I had my mind opened and my own thoughts challenged to points of rewriting my personal constitution and I am thankful for that. Now that I have graduated, I can go out into the world and continue to search for the missing links that were brought to my attention.  I also agree yet disagree with the concept that high education makes you a good employee. No, higher education gives you the tools you need to be whatever you so choose to become. So if you gain information and choose to be an employee…then that is on you, not the school. I went to school and I manage to be both an employee and an entrepreneur…..I CHOSE that for myself, not the school. We have to stop blaming others for the lives we chose for ourselves.

What college does allow you to obtain is membership into a member’s only club. Something about that diploma makes people recognize you. Sounds stupid, but it does. You can now be taken seriously over those few other people in the world, merely because you started something, stuck with it, and completed it.  THAT is the principle behind going to school. THAT is why people are employed in fields that have NOTHING to do with their degrees, but because they finished something, employers deem them reliable. Or business partners deem them worthy of doing business with….should you become an entrepreneur. The world is your oyster once you know that the pearl inside is only half of the gift. So that is where I agree with Boots from up above.

In conclusion… with all of the aspiring or current lawyers from above… I swear I didn’t plan this..lol.. you can see the differences in opinions. Many say yes it is nice to have but it isn’t important, while others say it isn’t that important all together. I beg to differ. We have to stop picking fields just because it will make us money and pick what makes us happy and use that to make us money. That’s what I did. No, I don’t work in my field but I use it to make me money after my main job pays my bills. I think that the over all system is jacked…. but if nothing else fails, I think it is better to have a degree than NOT to have one.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter *~