~*2Deep*~

Posts Tagged ‘worth’

Male Self Respect

In XY Edition: About The Boys on 7 December 2010 at 10:53 am

        Being an aunt makes me want to guard my nephews at all time from the women and situations that may try to steer them down the wrong path. If they were closer to me, they would get daily lessons of me telling them to love themselves and that they too are treasures. Being a godmother of a beautiful 10-year-old makes me tell her every chance that I get that she is beautiful, that she is special, that no one should touch or see her body but her mother and grandmother. My god-daughter looks up to me and tells me in our pen pal letters that she thinks I am the best godmother ever. This is where my basis for this blog is grounded….the teaching of equality in self-worth.

        My nephews, just because they are boys shouldnt be told anything different that I tell my god-daughter, other than pee standing up and wipe your butt properly.  If  I tell her that she should wait until she can handle whatever consequences that may come her way when it comes to sex, then my nephews should get the same pep talk. My nephews shouldnt get the pregnancy speech of “just don’t get her pregnant” but it should also be instilled in them that they will have to take care of a baby that they helped produce and dead beating it is not an option. But this is me preaching in Lala land.

        I know that it is a social thing for guys to follow man law from the Hold Your Nuts handbook, and I am just a woman…so what do I know, right? Well, as a woman who has a good amount of self-respect, it pains me to see males not showing love for themselves as well. When a guy doesn’t care about his appearance…sagging pants, dirty shirts, or over sized clothing…he is choosing trend over what image shows who he really is. Or maybe that is who he really is and not who he could be….but I can’t accept that. When a guy posts pictures of his penis as his profile pic on sites…I don’t get turned on by that. I immediately get offended because you just abused me without caring for my feelings, then you don’t care who sees your private parts. They’re called private parts for a reason. Restricted areas aren’t meant for everyone to see. If you know you are working with a Monster….make a chick work for the monster. When I see guys getting with a girl just because she is easy and will give it up… I just want to scream. That shows that you don’t think you can get a woman of substance or that you don’t care that this chick just did the same thing she’s doing to you to 20 of your closest boys. Shouldnt a guy think that he deserves better than the local hood rat? Or do you only think that the quick fix makes you rank higher amongst your boys? Dont you feel that you are worth the pick of the litter?

        I could be taking this out of context or merely refusing to live in the destructive modern structures, but I believe that this outlook on life that certain males have can be changed. I just want to walk up to guys on the street, and sometimes I do, and tell them to look at things from a different perspective. Like the teen who walked behind me blasting the lyrics “I only lick pussy if the bitch can suck a dick…” loudly from his mp3 player at Yum Yum’s. I turned around and asked him if he thought that what he was doing was respectful to the women standing in line with him. I also asked if he thought that the girl across the joint who he had been staring at would even think that was cute. I also asked him if this made him appear cool versus looking smart. He looked at me, turned off his mp3 player, apologized and thanked me. He said, “No one has ever put it to me like dat befo. I ‘prociate dat ma’am.” And as he grabbed his food and walked out I yelled…”and pull those pants up too.” All it took, in this case, was for someone to introduce him to his worth.

        I think if we spent a 3rd of the energy on boys that we spend on building up the girl’s self worth…the world would be a better place. Majority of the girl’s worth training is based upon the assumption that a guy will eventually try to corrupt you…so why not stop the potential corruption and build both entities up from the womb? I love males dearly….and I can’t sit by idly and watch another one display clear signs of self disrespect. No matter what society, media, or your boys say is cool….you can do better. I know you can… I have faith that you can…. and you will.

The end of my public service announcement.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

He’s the Exception to All of My Rules

In XX Edition: About the Girls on 21 September 2010 at 2:37 pm

 

        Algebra Blessett singing so soulful in my headphones, professing that she “thinks” she loves someone….it makes me think of him. Yes, him… the very him that has had my heart since the day that I met him; Mr. GI3. Him… the him who was a Tuskegee University engineering student who had this masculine presence with a quiet force about him, the same man who has managed to tame the shrew and heal the wounded bird in me. And I think saying it out loud will solidify it for me…. maybe then I can move on.

*Selects REPEAT* *Song Starts over*

(Lyrics to I Think I Love You)  Click Here to Play> I Think I Love You by: Algebra Blessett

We’ve been friends for quite some time
And now I see you differently
There’s a cloudy picture that’s becoming clearer to me
I hesitate to tell you how I feel cuz I Don’t want you to be afraid
And I dont want to make a mistake being too shy to say

I think I love you and I dont ever wanna let you go
I think I need you in ways that I am unable to show
I think I love you and I want everybody that we know to know
Just how you make me feel….. just how you make me feel

You make it so frustrating cuz you’re so spoiled like me
Then it drives me insane when we agree to disagree
When my words don’t come together to make much sense
You recite the perfect sentence to put my mind at ease, you see

I think I love you and I dont ever wanna let you go
I think I need you in ways that I am unable to show
I think I love you and I want everybody that we know to know
Just how you make me feel ……just how you make me feel

Time and time again I’m trying to convince
To myself that what I’m feeling it does make sense to me
Sometimes it’s difficult for me….(difficulty)
Like when days are here to stay and you bringing me my smile
But tomorrow comes around and some how you let me down
Its confusing…. (its confusing) baby you’re driving me crazy

I think I love you and I don’t ever wanna let you go
I think I need you in ways that I am unable to show
I think I love you and I want everybody that we know to know
How you make me feel…… just how you make me feel

I think…I think I love you
I think …i think I need you
This is how you make me feel

~*Algebra Blessett

        There is no “thinking” of whether or not I love him; I do. I do love. I do love ……him. He is in so many ways everything that I “think” I want in a man. He makes me laugh, he listens when I cry, he calls me on my BS and he is the only man who can put me in check without getting cussed out. lol. That is so sexy…lol. He is witty, he is highly intelligent, he is giving, he is caring, he is genuine, he can calm me down with just a few words and can make me see things clearly with just a few more words. And yes, the body captivates both my eyes & other anatomical parts (BACK UP LADIES>>> I WILL CUT FOR THIS ONE!!!!) and his voice makes Barry White sound like a soprano…..but nothing grabs my attention more than the tiny glimpses of himself that he allows me to be a part of. I cherish those moments.

        He is a very private individual…and strangely, I know very little about him. Well, I know not too much more about him now than I did 6 years ago. That could be a plus or a minus, but I take it at face value…..it adds to the mystery of him and though I try to tell myself, “Girl, he just isn’t that into you” , I can’t break myself from how he directly or indirectly makes me feel.

        No matter how upset with him I get ( like not talking to him for 2 years) I still feel connected to him, still feel wrapped up in my thoughts of him….and I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t even think that there is anything that I could do about it.  Like how he says things when he thinks I am not listening, or says them swiftly and moves on to the next topic….. I just want to say “Negro, I heard you. ” But I don’t say a word. I think he knows that I heard him and that was the only way that he could tell me. (Yes, I know I sound psycho or as if I am making excuses… but try living it.. its even more confusing.) And though I know that his bad out numbers the good at times, the good outweighs and overpowers the bad….I have NO clue how that works, but it does. Or at least it makes sense to me. He’s not perfect by any stretch of imagination, but from what I know and a perception of what I dont….he is amazingly great. Even the memories of him are great.

        Like, how I went to Minnesota one summer and the devil rose up and caused some situations to cause me to almost be homeless over 1,000 miles away from Alabama…..he managed to be there for me. Well, I opened up an email once I was safe and there he was telling me to give him a call immediately. So I did. He was concerned. He was more concerned than my family had been….at least he was looking for me. And much to my surprise, he was in Minnesota too!!! We met up at his apartment and that was when I introduced him to the Tyler Perry stage plays as we sat back, laughed and watched the movies…and I just felt like he cared. Or what about the time I got mad at him and stopped talking to him for MONTHS and he still managed to show up for my graduation from undergrad saying, “he wouldn’t miss it for the world.” That made me feel like such a princess…..and he was my prince. And Lord knows that I simply miss the kisses on the forehead that he use to give me when I would visit him on his campus. Great times…..*sigh*

        I know most of you are not used to me being this mushy… because I don’t do mushy…but I don’t do love poems because I can’t have him.

        I had hoped that maybe one day over the past few years something would have made both sides emotionally mutual…but I don’t think that is the case. I asked him a question and received a very honest answer. It wasnt bad by any stretch of the imagination…it was genuine and I loved that about him. But at the same time it was a bitter-sweet feeling. I would have to only be his friend from here unto eternity in order to spare my heart.

        It hurts genuinely loving someone and not hearing it back. To feel as if you are possibly fantasizing something that may not even exist. It hurts to think that the other person may not trust you with their heart enough…when the only thing you want to do is to guard and protect it. It hurts to know that no amount of professing your love will ever change this person’s mind….that the stubbornness that you find so attractive is the very stubbornness that would provoke you to move on.

        My aunt once told me that the worse thing a woman could do is to sit around waiting for a man to make up his mind about her. I’m soooo guilty of this, to a certain extent. But dang it…. he is the exception to all of my rules. I don’t know why, but he just is. He’s the ONLY guy who I truly accept both his good and his bad, the times he ticks me off to no end, and anything that comes with him. But I understand that I have to go live my life… I love him just that much that I can let him go. Weird, right?

        I want him to be able to go about his own pace, to find whomever he feels would make him happy. That doesn’t hurt to even say that….it would taint how I really feel if I were to ever be jealous. But then again… I’m speaking as if I ever had him….lol. But you catch my drift. This guy is genuinely special and just as special to me. So, yeh… there is no thinking…. I really Love him. And I thank him for allowing me to be comfortable enough to express that love to him. I will take those lessons as I move forward in life and I wont let fear hold me back from loving someone else any more.

Thanks, G. I love you…. *exhales*

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

I’m Not a Lesbian, but I Played One In College

In Cupid & Other Myths, So-Shall Experience, XX Edition: About the Girls on 21 September 2010 at 10:27 am

        Now that I have your attention… welcome. The taboo sentiments that circle around the topic of homosexuality are enough to make me torch the nearest discriminating heterosexual with rainbow gasoline. Seriously, no matter what you think of the topic ,no one civil right should be trumped by one’s disapproval of another’s civil rights. Point, Blank, Period!

        The title, obvious. I pulled a Katy Perry once in undergrad; I kissed a girl…and I liked it. One time, end of story. Nothing dramatic, nothing scandalous, just truth. What?!!! I went to a majority white college… girl on girl kissing is required in the student constitution to get your diploma…lol. So, should I be persecuted for a seemingly innocent homosexual act? Should I be banned from heaven because, in all actuality, I find the feminine form more attractive than that of a male’s but prefer the male’s over a woman’s? Or do I get a pass, the left blinded eye of justice, because I am a “redeemed” homosexual and I didn’t even send in $10.99 for a free healing prayer cloth? News flash, it is not the act that makes a person homosexual.

        I’ve never had sex with a woman, I just can’t picture myself ever taking it that far….so I’m a lesbian on paper…lol. I send in my dues every month at a gay pride rally but that is about it. But if you ask me how do I identify myself….you’ll never hear me say heterosexual. For that matter, you’ll never hear me say I’m homosexual. I just am. I stand in the middle, torn by what a part of me once experienced and what the rest of the world says is appropriate, all the while thinking that they could both exist harmoniously.

        Ignorance about homosexuality makes me cringe. I actually have a co-worker who once, while proclaiming his frustration over his son’s flying to New York from Florida to see his long distance girlfriend, said, “Well, it could be worse. He could be gay.” He said it as if being a serial killer, an international terrorist, or satan himself were all better than if his son were a homosexual with perfect credit and a clean criminal record with the cure to all currently incurable diseases stuffed in his left jean pant pocket. But this of course is coming from the same “Christian” coworker who posted this above his desk:       

I rest my case……….Shame how people can hate but can’t even copy/paste scripture properly…lol

         I have homosexual friends that I have invited to my church over, and over, and over again. I hate having to preface with “the speaker may hit an anti-homosexual rant, but listen to the voice of God between it all.” I want to stand up and shout during service…. “MUCH LIKE THE MILITARY, THE MORE PEOPLE WE HAVE SPREADING GOD’S MESSAGE, THE BETTER OFF WE ARE IN THIS WAR AGAINST EVIL!” But I don’t. I let the masses in the pews clap and cheer and Amen the minister of the day. Deep down I just want to fix it all, help bring a different approach. Telling me that I am wrong will not make me listen to you, but showing me another way for something to be done may get me to see your side. Shouting to the hills that homosexuality is wrong keeps so many lost souls from hearing God’s message. It’s almost as if they don’t think that bringing them into His house, teaching the rest of his teachings, will be enough ground work for God to magically work in their lives the way that He sees fit. It’s almost as if they are shouting that you can’t be Christian if you are a homosexual or don’t disapprove of homosexuals. When in fact they could try the Pythagorean-ish theorem.  If a=God, and b=His mercy, then c=His love for you. One may conclude after hearing those lessons repeatedly that God would work inside of the person. You can’t cut out what you THINK is cancer without first taking tests, blood work ( pardon the religious pun), X-rays, and even the initial incision on the surgery table. Baby steps, not attack. And I am not saying here that it should even be changed…but if you think that homosexuals should be changed…think of a different approach.

I also don’t think that religiously suppressing homosexuals is a healthy method of spiritually reforming people for the heterosexual partners that they may find themselves with. As a female who would one day like to be married to a male, I have fears of being in a relationship with a male who loves another male but because his church tells him he should be with a female he picks one as a front for the public and then begins down low activities…been there, done that… tested negative. That is a touchy subject for me. If you told me that my “now” husband was once with a man… I would always wonder if he still had those same feelings and I would want him to go be with whomever made him happy rather than stick around in a marriage with me simply because I was female. Only God can change an urge. My urge to stop having sex, though, doesn’t make me a virgin again, just like making someone stop engaging in homosexual activities will not make a homosexual a heterosexual. So am I wrong for letting God work his magic on the things that would cause me to hate? Am I wrong for having faith that God will work things out and as long as I continue to love everyone around me, respect them as humans and preach the word of God to get people into His house, no matter their sexual preference, God will be proud of me? Or am I wrong for thinking that it is ridiculous to lose a person over one Biblical scripture rather than gain them through a thousand others?

        I highly doubt that when it is all said and done that I will get to the pearly gates and Peter is gonna chuck up the Dueces with Jesus on speaker phone as they both tell me that I must spend eternity in hell because I didn’t choose to persecute the gays. People use the Bible at their convenience to promote their cause. I say, if you don’t use it all exactly the way that it was written….dont come hollering that nonsense in my ear all out of context. I’ve even heard ministers say that “this is a new time but the messages still apply”. Well, when your wife can’t have a baby you better not turn to invetro, you better sleep with your house servant. When Michael Jackson died he should have risen like Lazarus. I’m just saying… do you see the disconnect here? Why is it that other things can be forgotten, modernized, and substituted, but the principle of homosexuality and adamant hatred associated with it managed to last throughout the ages? Maybe, now, God needs this individual, who happens to be a homosexual, to know the love that God has for all human beings. Maybe this individual needed to hear how Job waited on the Lord, or how Joseph, David, and others over came trials. Maybe they need for you to practice the agape that you preach. Just maybe.

        I know several homosexuals that walk the halls of my church without them ever having to say a word but I have proof….their secret will be safe with me even after I die ( and I love them for EXACTLY who they are). I have several friends who are openly homosexual and I preach the word of God to them. I even have one requesting that I explain to her what “touch and agree” means because I say it around her so much. And I have a homosexual friend who revealed to me their HIV status…I didn’t shy away from them, I didnt think…”that’s what you get”, no… I loved them even more. And I laugh, joke, and talk about God with them whenever I can. I actually have some deep conversations about God with this individual. So yeh… the gays know the Holy Trinity as well… they just don’t always feel accepted by those claiming to be “His” people. You see, I don’t think that its my place to cast the first stone, but it is my place to say, come into God’s house, listen to his word and He will work on you in His time. I love all of my brothers and sisters, straight, not so straight, and flat out crooked. I think that is what I am supposed to do.

        A homosexual engaging in homosexual acts may not directly or indirectly kill me. But a straight man who came to church to hear a word about how God will make a way out of no way but instead hears about the persecution of the gays who then leaves and holds my bank hostage while i’m trying to pull out rent money….just might. No one sin is greater than another. Shouting “no homo” is not only stupid, but saying that you are not the same…when in fact you are. You too are human, you too are a sinner looking to be saved, and you too are praying that one day you will get into heaven despite your faults. So much like weight, who a homosexual loves just happens to be a visual habit that many feel they can pick on while keeping their own personal habits in the closet.

        This is not a rant to say that “Christians” are wrong and homosexuals are right. Just like I am entitled to my opinion, you are more than welcome to be bigoted by yours. *smirk* I just know that I can wake up with my conscience free every morning knowing that I am not hating someone or a sect of persons just because someone standing before me says that I should. God hasn’t spoken that chapter of the Bible to me yet.

        All jokes aside, I don’t believe everything that I read because many a man has had their say so in what I read before my eyes ever set sail across the page. But I do believe that God exists and my relationship with him is one of understanding and love. I am comfortable in that and will not let anyone else’s interpretation of how my Father and I behave taint my relationship with Him or how He chooses to shine through me. Again, you “christian” your way and I will “christian” my way..yes, I made it a verb. lol. It shouldn’t be that way, but as it stands….this is peaceful. Now…back to the gays…..

        Being a homosexual, to me, isn’t a crime……hate my theory all you want, I will not change. I say this… premarital sex isn’t favored upon….lets hold everyone to that standard no matter what your preference. Because I would hate for someone to not get saved and know God like I am still getting to know him just because they chose to love differently than myself. I have faith that God can work miracles and if GOD chooses to keep them homosexual…then that is between God and that person. I must uphold the love, grace, and mercy that has been shown to me and display it to others who come in my presence. I’m not a homosexual, nor am I heterosexual,;I am the understanding. I understand what it feels like to want someone to hear you out. I also know what it feels like to hear God telling me what to do, not tainted in my mission and do it in spite of. I also know that God would want me to love far more than he would ever want me to hate. And if I am wrong in that assumption, He’ll deal with me on my Judgement Day. Until then… all humans are alright with me. None of us are 100 % right nor know all of the answers, but I will definitely love you until we find a conclusion or one of us dies. And if these men don’t start acting right I just might cash in my lesbian on paper membership to a full fledge flag waving VIP member… DON’T PUSH ME!!! No hetero.

P.S. If you like this topic, check out my other topic: 200 Men Said…. “Same”phobic Homosapiens <~Click Here

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~