“Brand New” Vantage Point

Yoko Ono's A Hole

        There comes a time in everyone’s life when they will get asked, “What’s up with the change?” or “Why’re you acting brand new?”, to which you should reply, “Define brand new” or “From who’s stand point?”.

        I say this because, often times, vantage point can make a world of difference. John Lennon’s wife, Yoko Ono (sp), did an amazing piece of artwork where she does a bullet hole through a glass pane. She makes you look at the glass from both sides so that you can see if you are the shooter or the one shot. She said, “Unfortunately, I was on the bad side”. I can bet my soul I know which side she would have rather been on if she had a choice in the matter. But this artwork is a symbol of life and life’s vantage point.

        Recently, while on a vacation with someone who I deemed friend, I watched the vantage point change. And although it was rather subtle at first, I started to notice her behave “brand new”, or at least it seemed that way to me. But was that bad? Well, this morning on Twitter @SimplySandraG  said, “Someone asked me why I was acting brand new & in response I asked them why are they still acting the same.” Which made me think….is acting brand new always a bad thing, or can it be a good thing? And I think it depends on what that new behavior is and how it is executed.

        For example, If you are a hoe on land… I’m pretty sure you will be a hoe at sea.  Not calling anyone a hoe, used term for dramatic effect. But if the condom fits….wear it. There is no switch in that unless you get hit with the Holy Ghost and change your ways before departing the port. But is there really brand new behavior or is it that the revealing of such behavior is deemed incorrect for the current situation? Like the kid who jumps on furniture at home and then the parents pretend to be outraged in public pretending that they’ve never seen their children do this before. I say this because, there are always signs of a person’s behavior, but maybe the situation lends for it to be okay, therefore causing the person to become accustomed to executing such behavior. Thus, when the environment changes, the one who is more keen to changing does so while the other person keeps doing the same behavior and is therefore deemed as “acting brand new”. Confused? I’ll explain further.

        If you have a friend who can NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER be on time to save their life unless they are representing themselves, their business, or their family and can NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER respect the time of others (those deemed friends)….then how can you expect them to change when stepping outside of those guidelines just because the environment changes? If everyone caters to such rude and inconsiderate behaviors by changing their arrival times, joking that they know this person is never on time, or re-routing caravans to cater to this person….you can only expect that this person will get use to being catered to and that this behavior is acceptable. You can also believe that the minute someone is smart enough to stop enabling this type of behavior the Tardy for the Party person will inevitably get defensive and think that you have a problem with them because, after all, they deserved to be catered to at all times…. right? So EVEN if they spend 4 nights of a cruise in the stateroom with 2 guys that they just met 3 days earlier (the first night being your birthday night, despite whatever the circumstances may be)……you should be perfectly okay with such “brand new” behavior, right? And even if they hand your stateroom key to a complete male stranger ( 3 days does not a friend & trust factors make) to come check on you in your room because you went missing and they didn’t feel the need to get out of the bed from snuggling with their new cruise guy….you should be perfectly okay with such “brand new” behaviors…right? I mean, after all, you’re the one that is remaining the same, right? Or are they the ones who are remaining the same and you are changing because common sense tells you to do better and therefore your change is making someone else look as if they are acting “brand new”?

*Side note*: THE GIVING OF THE STATEROOM KEY TO A STRANGER BECAUSE YOU TRUST TOO MANY GOT DAMN PEOPLE FAR TOO SOON AND ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVE A PENIS>>>>IS ENOUGH TO GET YOU FUCKED UP! I DONT SUGGEST THAT ANYONE EVER TRY THIS WHILE ON A CRUISE! USE SOME COMMON SENSE ,PEOPLE! THAT’S ALL I’M ASKING! COMMON SENSE!!!!

        If you are confused by this… so am I. lol. But perhaps the environment is what has changed, and both parties are remaining true to their character ( or lack there of) and therefore both parties feel as if the other has changed, when in fact….. they havent. For instance, if 2 people sit in the dark at midnight and one ( due to the dark) appears to have a black shirt on but as the sun rises (environment change) now appears to have on a purple shirt…. did the person really change or did the environment change causing the appearance of change? Meaning, that person hasn’t changed and neither have you… the sun has finally shifted therefore revealing to you something that has been there all along and you are just now seeing it.  Like the time I was starting up my own sisterhood, when my top divas (Vice President, Secretary, Event Planner, etc) all saw the new recruits misbehaving, slacking on turning in assignments, and even watched me put them in check. When I dismissed a recruit for not following the rules or carrying their weight, my top divas were right behind me….agreeing with every step & damn near virtually hi-fiving me for getting rid of dead weight. I didn’t cater to anyone; if you didn’t carry your weight you had to bounce. But ooooooooh no! As soon as they started slacking on assignments and not pulling their weight, they had to go. Of course it came up that I had changed.  When in fact, I had been the same person, upholding the same standards, and not the only difference had been who was being punished for falling below those standards. They had encouraged my behavior, they told me that I was doing good when I saw a wrong and went to fix it ( I wasnt always the most tactful, I admit but the job got done) So you see, I had not changed, the vantage point did, the environment had changed. So, do you get mad at the person, the behavior, or the environment?

        I say blame yourself for not noticing. lol. We often push our better judgement to the side when dealing with so-called friends. We must STOP that. We must hold our friends to the same standards as we do for strangers since those closest to us can screw us over faster than those furthest from us. If your friend doesn’t curse in front of their parents but does at a bar….that person curses. Point. Blank. Period.  If this person has bad judgement when it comes to men at home, taking a trip isn’t going to change it. Point. Blank. Period. If your friend is quick-tempered and ready to beat anyone’s ass back home, I suggest you don’t try to come out the side of your neck via text messages during the holiday season…..because you can still get that ass whooped! POINT! BLANK!PERIOD!!! It is an evolution of changing environments and we already possess those behaviors that will be revealed upon entering such situations. It is up to us to pay more attention to others sooner. Hold ourselves accountable for our own actions; be they wrong or right, new or old. And we must not be willing to accept poor behavior from ANYONE at ANY TIME that does not show full respect to us and our situation. Now, go ahead…insert this rule into your life, and watch the ones you’ve been catering to for far too long say that you’re “acting brand new”.  Then….agree with them.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Male Self Respect

        Being an aunt makes me want to guard my nephews at all time from the women and situations that may try to steer them down the wrong path. If they were closer to me, they would get daily lessons of me telling them to love themselves and that they too are treasures. Being a godmother of a beautiful 10-year-old makes me tell her every chance that I get that she is beautiful, that she is special, that no one should touch or see her body but her mother and grandmother. My god-daughter looks up to me and tells me in our pen pal letters that she thinks I am the best godmother ever. This is where my basis for this blog is grounded….the teaching of equality in self-worth.

        My nephews, just because they are boys shouldnt be told anything different that I tell my god-daughter, other than pee standing up and wipe your butt properly.  If  I tell her that she should wait until she can handle whatever consequences that may come her way when it comes to sex, then my nephews should get the same pep talk. My nephews shouldnt get the pregnancy speech of “just don’t get her pregnant” but it should also be instilled in them that they will have to take care of a baby that they helped produce and dead beating it is not an option. But this is me preaching in Lala land.

        I know that it is a social thing for guys to follow man law from the Hold Your Nuts handbook, and I am just a woman…so what do I know, right? Well, as a woman who has a good amount of self-respect, it pains me to see males not showing love for themselves as well. When a guy doesn’t care about his appearance…sagging pants, dirty shirts, or over sized clothing…he is choosing trend over what image shows who he really is. Or maybe that is who he really is and not who he could be….but I can’t accept that. When a guy posts pictures of his penis as his profile pic on sites…I don’t get turned on by that. I immediately get offended because you just abused me without caring for my feelings, then you don’t care who sees your private parts. They’re called private parts for a reason. Restricted areas aren’t meant for everyone to see. If you know you are working with a Monster….make a chick work for the monster. When I see guys getting with a girl just because she is easy and will give it up… I just want to scream. That shows that you don’t think you can get a woman of substance or that you don’t care that this chick just did the same thing she’s doing to you to 20 of your closest boys. Shouldnt a guy think that he deserves better than the local hood rat? Or do you only think that the quick fix makes you rank higher amongst your boys? Dont you feel that you are worth the pick of the litter?

        I could be taking this out of context or merely refusing to live in the destructive modern structures, but I believe that this outlook on life that certain males have can be changed. I just want to walk up to guys on the street, and sometimes I do, and tell them to look at things from a different perspective. Like the teen who walked behind me blasting the lyrics “I only lick pussy if the bitch can suck a dick…” loudly from his mp3 player at Yum Yum’s. I turned around and asked him if he thought that what he was doing was respectful to the women standing in line with him. I also asked if he thought that the girl across the joint who he had been staring at would even think that was cute. I also asked him if this made him appear cool versus looking smart. He looked at me, turned off his mp3 player, apologized and thanked me. He said, “No one has ever put it to me like dat befo. I ‘prociate dat ma’am.” And as he grabbed his food and walked out I yelled…”and pull those pants up too.” All it took, in this case, was for someone to introduce him to his worth.

        I think if we spent a 3rd of the energy on boys that we spend on building up the girl’s self worth…the world would be a better place. Majority of the girl’s worth training is based upon the assumption that a guy will eventually try to corrupt you…so why not stop the potential corruption and build both entities up from the womb? I love males dearly….and I can’t sit by idly and watch another one display clear signs of self disrespect. No matter what society, media, or your boys say is cool….you can do better. I know you can… I have faith that you can…. and you will.

The end of my public service announcement.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~