200 Men Said….Real Men Cry!

        After thinking about writing a blog about Eric Benet’s song Sometimes I Cry, I thought to ask my 200 men the very question that the song brings forth. I mean, after all…. it is so taboo for a man to cry in public. That CANNOT be healthy. I really want to find the very first father who turned to his son and told him to stop crying and punch him in the throat. Well, now that I think about it…. I think a spirit literally just came and smacked ME in the face. Was this something deemed a living legend from slavery? Was this an ancestral chain that has yet to be broken?

        I am writing this on February 16th, 2011, and I have no clue when I will post it, but in the midst of Black History Month one has to ask if men not crying stems from slavery. Now I have seen my father cry several times and I think that was so healthy. I have also spoken with one of my brothers about how he cried after an incident. Yet, to see a person that I am in a relationship cry is harder to do than running up and hugging the Queen of England! It’s as if the very gender that needs to release from all of the burdens and stress that they are expected to carry are the very ones who have become socially banned from doing so. But was this rooted in a slave father telling a son not to cry before an overseer, or an elder telling Kunta not to cry while being whipped as not to show a sign of weakness or fear? Did this get passed through the blood to the civil rights age where blacks didn’t cry in front of Bull O’Connor and his water hoses? Or instilled in the students who sat at the lunch counters as the were saturated with hate? And did it carry into the blood of the many men who were castrated and became strange fruit that decorated the roadsides of many southern towns? If so, what purpose does it have today?

So I asked my 200 Men:

Some people think that a man crying is a sign of weakness. Are you afraid to cry in front of people? If so, why or why not?

And they came back with these responses:

• ”DUKE” BANNER:  When my heart aches, or I’m very sad, it really doesnt matter where I am; I’m not ashamed. 
• Lateef25:  I’m not going to judge people for crying, but I’ve never had a reason , since I was young, to cry. 
•  Kycajrome L: I say it depends on what the man is crying about…lol But if a man is emotionally in touch with his feelings then that’s pretty healthy emotionally. Then the problem or question is , are the other’s around him mature enough to handle it [his crying].
•  Mark D: No, I don’t think there is anything wrong with crying in front of people . We are all human beings, and not heartless animals!
• CHRIST- O:  It’s not a problem for me, because I know who I am. And no one’s opinion of one aspect of my life will make me change my whole lifestyle.
• DA FLY GUY: CRYING IS A SIGN OF MATURITY!
•  Jesse (TEAM MARK CASH 4 EVER ): I’m not afraid to cry in front of people. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of being human.
• DSMILEY1:  I’m not afraid because I have done it before. Real men cry to show emotion!
• on the rocks…:If a man cries in front of others, usually there’s a very valid reason. I can’t see any reason for a man to be all overly emotional over most things..like movies and women and graduations and such [2Deep: Did this nut just say women…. lmao!!! Y’all see why I love their honesty so much..lol]
• Allen Ozark: No, but unfortunately I was born without tear ducts. [2Deep:  I can’t tell if he is telling the truth or if that is even medically possible….lol]
• Kevin R: I’m not [afraid], because I know how strong of a man I am.
• Carlos V: No, I think it’s fine for a man to cry.
• rroyallty:  I think if he is running around crying everyday, all the time..its a problem. But if there is a significant reason and you’re around a select few..let it out or you will snap
•  godschild 1111870: My ex made me cry too much; not happening any more.
•  Code Name Bigsexy:  No, I would cry if I could not help it. lol. And I get mad when I cry. So I get mean; n one better think or say anything [to me].  ©☛Anthony☚©: LOL. It’s not bad to cry.
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: No and yes. I’ll cry, but not for long, and then I’ll play it off. Because men aren’t suppose to show that much emotion. And it’s because emotion distorts rational thinking.         
• Jerome P: Although I dont do it often, I’m man enough to cry. It’s very important to release feelings.Thats why jails are over crowded now.
• Rated R Superstar: Well, a man crying doesnt make you a weak man, that’s a strong man. We’re all human, and we all feel the same pain…
•  DON CUE: No, I’ve lost too many loved ones to care what other people think!
•  LAW.. DA ROC BOYZ:  It all depends on what he’s crying about. Personally, I don’t like to cry, but hey, im human so it happens.
•  Danny P: I’m not afraid to, but yeah it is embarrassing. Because our society still trains men to think it’s not ok. Sure, we talk like it’s ok, like it’s what we all want, but it’s not really. That’s my experience anyway.
•  BIG SEKZI: Nope, because I’m very confident and secure with myself
•  Sensual Nupe: No, I’m not. It really depends on the situation. It takes a strong man to show his emotions. If I just lost a family member or a close friend, I will cry and I don’t care whose around.
•  www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ ent: Tears of Joy are the only tears you will see me cry. I don’t do emotional tears anymore.
• Prestige “The One And Only”: Definitely not afraid but I don’t do it. It’s not a sign of weakness. People just see it that way as if that individual is weak at that moment. For me, I feel stronger when I cry, if I’m crying in front of people it most likely means “Stand the hell by”.
•  6’5 & NICE WIT IT: Put it like this, one day you will ’cause tears cant stay inside forever
• James M: A man crying is not a sign of weakness, but if he’s at the movies crying then that’s a different story. I have cried in front of people and it didn’t make me weak.

• Aries Brotha: I’m not afraid to cry in front of people, but I’m only comfortable showing that side of myself with close friends and family. Lame as it sounds, my mom taught me to be free with my emotions, and my dad told me Real Men don’t ever cry. I found my own way.
• !!!!! A !!!!!!James L: Heck ,I’m crying now! lol! I think a man who’s in tune with his feelings is a true man and real to life. There are some happy times and sad times that makes us cry and only robots and the dead don’t cry..

 

And as usual I must have a FAVORITE comment, and all though I have several …. I choose:

• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Worrying about what people think is a sign of weakness… Your feelings are your only true form of strength at times. How you fight through hurt, how love can make you feel invincible and how something may move you to tears and still be a man. …..THAT IS STRONG!

And my most revealing comments, and one of the reasons I wanted to write this blog ,came from:

• James F:  Yes, I think it’s weakness. A man should always dominate his emotion and not be a prisoner of them. I’m not afraid to cry, but I’m just not going to cry in front of people. Like, if someone dies or someone I cared about died, I won’t show that emotion openly. If I cry it’s gonna be by myself. The reason for that, my father always told me “stop crying. You’re a big boy” when I was younger. Plus, the environment that I grew up in…. you couldnt cry. That was so-called being “Soft” or “a punk”. You would be a target. You couldn’t be a sheep around wolves or they would eat you alive.

       I have witnessed a guy lose his mother, a football player break his leg, and a DC teen being shot and still ALL of them refused to cry in the presence of others. IN NO WAY IS THIS HEALTHY!!! I think that these are perfectly excusable moments where a man could cry in front of others and people would understand and keep it moving. Yet even in movies like Menace to Society they joke on the men who cry when they are being shot should they survive. Or in Cadillac Records where Muddy Waters runs up the stairs and can be hard crying audibly but wouldn’t cry in front of his wife.  This is where I am glad that I am not a man. Because sometimes this world gets too much to bear and you should be allowed to release everything that you hold inside. Now I’m not saying that a man should cry when he stumps his foot, because NO ONE should cry that easily, but it is okay to cry sometimes in public. But as James F pointed out, his environment wouldn’t allow him to cry; it became a method of survival. But I think it was a method by default because those who would have picked on him needed an outlet and since they couldn’t cry, they would have picked on those who felt they needed to and actually did. So in actuality they would have picked on those brave enough to express their true emotions. But as shown, in most cases kids were too afraid to or told by parents not to because they were “big boys”.

        I think we should stop putting a gender on crying and rather start putting a situation on crying. For example, if a child is upset about dropping their ice cream cone, we shouldnt say “Stop crying. Boys don’t cry over dropping an ice cream cone” but rather we should say “It’s just an ice cream cone. So stop crying.” This way people will begin to express their feelings better. Because much like how there are gateway drugs, tears are the gateway emotion.  You cry when you are happy, sad, mad, confused, upset, and LMAO-ing.  SO if you tell a boy/man that he can’t cry you are taking away the gateway to about 90 percent of his emotional expressions. So express to your sons when it is healthy to cry and when it is okay to cry. Also, that it is okay to cry in front of people. We’re all human…we’ve all cried at some point in our lives. So its okay for you to cry too. And if anyone has a problem with it…. tell them to come see me. *Cocks Arizona issued riffle* Yeh, let’s see how fast we can get them to cry…lmao.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

2011 DMV Awards: Coonstastically Coonerific! Pt2

        So if you read my other blog post 2011 DMV Awards: Coonstastically Coonerific! Pt1 [<~Click here to read] then you already know what happened, but you don’t know how I feel about it.

        Outside of me being pissed that i took the time to prepare for the event, that they didn’t have a place for me to sit, and that I didn’t get to perform ….partially due to the fact that I was running for my life….I was soooo embarrassed! I know this shouldnt be a white black thing, so I will make it a white , black, nigger thing. When I walked into the hotel I was praying that there was no one from my job within a 50 mile radius of this place. Judging by the attire and attitude of people hovering around the entrance this was not the crowd that I would ever be caught dead with. Call it judgement but later activities would prove me correct. There was a veterans seminar going on upstairs and there was a sea of elderly white people dangling over the balconies to catch a glimpse of all the ill-dressed “coloreds” with the cameras flashing and red carpet affairs. One friend even told me that an elderly white woman told him that she was happy that the “next generation was doing something so positive”.  Another gentleman was over heard saying, ” …looks like good, clean fun.” This is what an on-looker thought of the 1,500+ people who showed up to supposedly celebrate one another.

        I was outraged that even from the jump things were not done properly. Black people, we have GOT to raise our standards up higher than what we continue to allow to occur. The line for the registration was at the bottom of the escalators and could have been around the corner where the “pat down” was located. There weren’t any efforts to place proper signage to alert the people as to which line to get in for wrist bands, etc. And if I were to go back, there should have been a dress code for the award show. It should have been church or temple attire to enter this event. Something about wearing different clothes will make you act better for just a little while longer. I felt like I was walking down the streets of Southeast DC, not that I would…..and not that everyone is Southeast is horrible….but it certainly didn’t feel like an award show. EVERY man should have a suit. Call me stuck up if you want, but that should be a goal for every man to save up to buy at least one suit. And this award show would have been the proper place to wear it. Hell, slacks and a button up would have sufficed…anything but the street attire that allowed street activities to occur.

       There was a taste of greed in the atmosphere as well. There were more people in that room than what that space would/should have allowed. I heard that the tables were sold for $500 a pop. Now I am all for making a profit, but fundraise, get sponsors, something! There were too many people walking between the tables than sitting to watch the show. The atmosphere was more on profits than true performance and celebration. I wouldn’t have started the show until everyone was seated and made to respect what the event was about in the first place. This is why people get to behave so poorly at events like this and then come uptown to my event and get their feelings hurt when I show their asses how to properly behave. This shit has GOT to stop.

       The program, aside from misspelled words and names of invited performers, was more about advertisement than to direct and guide the show. Now I know that is where the sponsors go, but how was the show suppose to be ran? Someone could have easily taken a church program and used that outline. I didn’t know which performer I would have gone after or which category I may have performed after. It was all so disorganized.

        But at the root of it all….I had to ask myself if these were my people. The answer, no. My people don’t do things like this. My people know how to act when at home but especially when out in public amongst mixed company. MY people respect one another and even when they disagree they do so in a contained manner. No one should ever know the disagreements that occur inside of one’s house. I finally understood why people who leave the hood sometimes choose to never look back. For once I saw it. I understood the motive behind their actions. I didn’t want to be associated with these people. I wanted to find all footage that had me on it and burn it. I was ashamed to be the same shade of skin as these people.

        I was ashamed that black men felt the need to assert their “manhood” by beating someone up. I couldn’t believe my eyes at the sea of innocent people who were hurt because they thought that being a man meant to jump another person who looked just like them. Looking over the banister of the second tier, I couldn’t tell who the victim was, who the help was, or who the fighters were; THEY ALL LOOKED ALIKE! They looked alike, they looked alike, GOT DAMN IT NIGGAS, YOU ALL LOOKED ALIKE!!! The only thing that separated you was where you resided, who your friends were and that you had different mamas, but I be damned if someone told me that they could tell the difference between these males.

        I am sitting here in my office fighting back tears. I saw older ladies get hit , females being tossed to the floor and thrown on tables to be moved out of the way. I saw a black teen come out of the hotel and film a girl’s mother crying and laughed because he thought it was funny. How is THAT being a man? How is THAT showing pride in who you are and where you come from?How did any of that make sense? The aftermath damn near resembled an earthquake or natural disaster. Broken tables, bottles shatter, chairs turned over, articles of clothing left behind and in pieces….this is something that one should never have to see; something that one should never do to YOUR OWN PEOPLE!

       And maybe I just don’t get it, the hood mentality, but the truth of the matter is…. I don’t want to get it. NOTHING is ever that bad that you have to physically fight to prove your point. I know what it feels like to want to pin a bitch to the wall for talking out the side of her high-yella mouth and trying you…trust me, I do. But I also know what it feels like to refrain because I had nothing to prove to her. Me stomping her ass was a given. Everyone knew I would win that fight and I would come out looking like a bully rather than a strong woman who put this bitch in her place. I know what it feels like to be ostracized by those who claim loyalty to her and her lies in the shadow of something that only she and I know occurred. I know how it feels.Trust me, I know how it feels to have some one verbally come at you and you just stand there and take it. I’ve been disrespected before in a ballroom full of people. And you better believe that my first instinct was to SLICE THIS BITCH UP! But his own actions , my knowing I did no wrong, somehow was enough for me to leave it alone. I even changed my opening speech from “Taalam Acey said it best, there’s a market for niggas” just because I didn’t want people to think that I said it specifically for that nut. It hurt, yes it did. To be attacked whether someone felt I earned it or not…it stung. But just as I could scream that there was a more tactful and respectful way for those dummies to handle themselves, there was a better way for me to handle myself….and I believe I took the higher road. Because when it is all said and done, my life moves on. So what he bumped into you…. your life will move on. So what he is from a different hood than you… so what! YOUR LIFE WILL MOVE ON!  YOUR LIFE WILL MOVE ON!!! None of what happened was worth what occurred.

       Call me stuck up if you want… I don’t give a FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! The only difference between me and these people are the fact that I KNOW BETTER. I had a hard childhood. I wasnt given shit. I literally/metaphorically fought my way through some situations. The difference is that I never once put myself or others in danger to assert myself. When you know better, you do better. So at what point did black people stop knowing better? At what point did beating each other become the norm? At what point did it become okay for people to be smiling and grinning and filming outside of these occurrences? Why wasnt anyone who wasnt hurt upset? Why weren’t they running to the police to nip everything in the bud?I just don’t get it.

       No one will want to come to this award next year, if there is a show next year. No place worth coming would want to host it after what happened this year. And some of these places will be weary to rent out their space to other black organizations looking to build a successful foundation all because these coons decided to act an ass. And no one is willing to tell who started the fight. No one is willing to speak. You better believe that if this effected ANYTHING that was near and dear to me… I would squeal. AND LOUD! I would point out people in the YouTube vids. I’d get the guy who stole the bottle of liquor and admitted to it. I’d slow down every tape and point out the performers who were just on stage before the fight broke out. Yes, your officer…the dude in all black with the locs throwing the chair is apart of the group named ( insert group here).  I’m not afraid to stand up for what is right. The sad thing is… I shouldnt have to be the only one.

P.S. You can tell the high-yella heffa & the nut I said it. I have already said it to them… so go ahead… be a nosey motherfucker and start something up. Its old news. You’ll be the main nigga that my blog was talking about… constantly trying to keep shit going. My opinions are just that. So nigga…..do you.

       Also, tune in tomorrow to read my blog 200 Men Said….Let aMan be a Man[<~Click here tomorrow]. Even though it deals with relationships…. how appropriate that it follows after this blog. It wasnt scheduled, but the universe works in mysterious ways.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*

Male Self Respect

        Being an aunt makes me want to guard my nephews at all time from the women and situations that may try to steer them down the wrong path. If they were closer to me, they would get daily lessons of me telling them to love themselves and that they too are treasures. Being a godmother of a beautiful 10-year-old makes me tell her every chance that I get that she is beautiful, that she is special, that no one should touch or see her body but her mother and grandmother. My god-daughter looks up to me and tells me in our pen pal letters that she thinks I am the best godmother ever. This is where my basis for this blog is grounded….the teaching of equality in self-worth.

        My nephews, just because they are boys shouldnt be told anything different that I tell my god-daughter, other than pee standing up and wipe your butt properly.  If  I tell her that she should wait until she can handle whatever consequences that may come her way when it comes to sex, then my nephews should get the same pep talk. My nephews shouldnt get the pregnancy speech of “just don’t get her pregnant” but it should also be instilled in them that they will have to take care of a baby that they helped produce and dead beating it is not an option. But this is me preaching in Lala land.

        I know that it is a social thing for guys to follow man law from the Hold Your Nuts handbook, and I am just a woman…so what do I know, right? Well, as a woman who has a good amount of self-respect, it pains me to see males not showing love for themselves as well. When a guy doesn’t care about his appearance…sagging pants, dirty shirts, or over sized clothing…he is choosing trend over what image shows who he really is. Or maybe that is who he really is and not who he could be….but I can’t accept that. When a guy posts pictures of his penis as his profile pic on sites…I don’t get turned on by that. I immediately get offended because you just abused me without caring for my feelings, then you don’t care who sees your private parts. They’re called private parts for a reason. Restricted areas aren’t meant for everyone to see. If you know you are working with a Monster….make a chick work for the monster. When I see guys getting with a girl just because she is easy and will give it up… I just want to scream. That shows that you don’t think you can get a woman of substance or that you don’t care that this chick just did the same thing she’s doing to you to 20 of your closest boys. Shouldnt a guy think that he deserves better than the local hood rat? Or do you only think that the quick fix makes you rank higher amongst your boys? Dont you feel that you are worth the pick of the litter?

        I could be taking this out of context or merely refusing to live in the destructive modern structures, but I believe that this outlook on life that certain males have can be changed. I just want to walk up to guys on the street, and sometimes I do, and tell them to look at things from a different perspective. Like the teen who walked behind me blasting the lyrics “I only lick pussy if the bitch can suck a dick…” loudly from his mp3 player at Yum Yum’s. I turned around and asked him if he thought that what he was doing was respectful to the women standing in line with him. I also asked if he thought that the girl across the joint who he had been staring at would even think that was cute. I also asked him if this made him appear cool versus looking smart. He looked at me, turned off his mp3 player, apologized and thanked me. He said, “No one has ever put it to me like dat befo. I ‘prociate dat ma’am.” And as he grabbed his food and walked out I yelled…”and pull those pants up too.” All it took, in this case, was for someone to introduce him to his worth.

        I think if we spent a 3rd of the energy on boys that we spend on building up the girl’s self worth…the world would be a better place. Majority of the girl’s worth training is based upon the assumption that a guy will eventually try to corrupt you…so why not stop the potential corruption and build both entities up from the womb? I love males dearly….and I can’t sit by idly and watch another one display clear signs of self disrespect. No matter what society, media, or your boys say is cool….you can do better. I know you can… I have faith that you can…. and you will.

The end of my public service announcement.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~