200 Men Said…. Get Tested

        First, before you read this, read my blog from last Monday~> Writer’s Block: Tsion the Wordsmith~Miss Valentine .

        As a female who lives in the AIDS/HIV Capital of the U.S.A,Washington, D.C.,  I am sooooooo big on this topic that you wouldn’t even believe the efforts that I go through to make sure that women understand what they are putting their bodies up for when having sex. I have to be up front ladies… the condom is NOT the man’s responsibility….alone. You, too, need to have two of each size condom ( just in case he should come up short) and you should also have dental dam. If the phrase “dental dam” just made you tilt your head Scooby style, then honey, you need to STOP having sex immediately because you are missing very important elements of sex education and sex preparation.

       Yes, I am grown enough to know that everyone is not safe all of the time. Now that we all have admitted to it, what do we plan to do about it? Ladies, how do you plan to protect yourself? As a woman, there have been times when I have gone and gotten tested and found out that my guy had sex with an ex the day I got tested which voided the results he showed me. Or the guy’s wife ( who lived in another state) saw pics of us on Myspace and wanted to know what i was doing with her husband….and I didn’t even know he was married…did I mentioned she lived in another state?! Or being with a guy who reveals that he use to like men. I don’t judge him… but this is information you need to tell me BEFORE we head down this road. So you see, preparing yourself with knowledge about your partner is just as important as if you put a condom in your purse or wallet. You need BOTH to be safe in the game of sex. Nothing is guaranteed. NOTHING!

        Using a condom but having oral sex without a dental damn makes about as much sense as you getting gas and pulling off with the tank wide the fuck open. Yes, I’m being a hypocrite…but, as a reformed hypocrite I have seen the errors of my ways and I wanted to step forth and be brave enough to talk about it. So yes, I get tested before EVERY guy I am with. Yes, I only have ONE sexual partner in a 12 month period….NO EXCEPTIONS! This is what I do, but even this is not enough if I don’t know the status of my partner. I need solid proof, like seeing his results or going to get tested with him. So, this is why I am celibate and have been for quite some time. I might set a fire if I cross my legs, but at least I am healthy.  HIV NEGATIVE!!!!!!

So, I asked my 200 men the following question: 

HIV/AIDS is high in certain communities. How often do you get tested? Have you ever gotten tested BEFORE sex with a person? DO you do the mouth swab or blood test?

And they came back with the following answers.

• Prestige “The One And Only”: Every three months, blood test.
• Allen Ozark: Yup Tested. Nope, not positive. in fact i have NEVER had any kind of STD … EVER! and i never will! I understand the whole aids / std epidemic, but i just don’t understand the whole aids / std epidemic. a true gentlemen never infects others.
• Lateef25: Every six months
• *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I get tested often, but it’s a requirement with my job to get tested every year. They have always taken my blood. I would not have unprotected sex without knowing the other person’s status.
• Aries Brotha: At least one a year. Yes. And it’s a rather moot right now as i’ve decided to reframe from having sex. Just dating.
• Kip S: I get tested every year. Yes, I’ve gotten tested before and after sex, typically blood test.
• RANDELL the caribbean prince[R]: well i only have one partner at a time. I don’t sleep around but i get tested every six months
• K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: I HAVE BEEN TESTED. AIDS FREE. I USE THE SWAB AND I HAVE HAD MY BLOOD TESTED. MOST RECENT TEST WAS LAST YEAR!! JUNE. IMMMM SAFE!!!!! SO LETS GET IT INNN!! LOL
• ”DUKE” BANNER: YES I ALWAYS GO TO THE DOCTOR EVERY SIX MONTHS. I HAVE RA AND I GO TO MY CARDIOLOGIST I WAS POISON HAD GOT REAL SICK

And then ladies, you have men who respond like this:

• Pete E.: not in my community

       Yes, he did say that AIDS does not exist in his community. I hit him up and pressed further. He said that no one where he lives has AIDS or HIV and he would know so this doesn’t concern him. I tried to press further but he just wanted to holla at me. Did he really think that he could get my number after a response like that? SIKE!

        And you know that now and then you will run into the religious aspect of a question like this. But trust me when I tell you, NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING, could have prepared me for this particular religious spin on getting tested for HIV/AIDS:

• www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: Never got tested nor will I ever! If God is for me who can be against me? Aids is a curse and Jesus already took that to the cross. I just do my part by not putting myself in the judgement seat by sleeping with every woman in site.
• Me: Hello, I thank you for answering my question about getting tested for HIV/AIDS. Your response is very admirable. I just have to ask one question and I hope that you can answer it to help me better understand your response. You said that you have never gotten tested and nor will you ever. SO my questions are: 1. Do you know that in some states, to get married, you are required to take an AIDS test? 2. Are you a virgin or have you ever had sex before? And it was interesting to listen to the song that is on your page as I write this note. Arise-Cherry Pie. Have a blessed evening.
• www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: Im not worried about that. Yes I have had sex before,but aids is the last of my concern.
• Me: Did you use protection when you did have sex before? Sorry to be personal, I just agree with your original comment on some levels and am bothered by them as a woman on another. So, I am just seeking clarification.
• www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent:The difference is I am focused on Jesus and you want to focus on aids, aids is a judgement but people in the Christian world get healed from it everyday. I don’t worry about sickness because I’m not going out sleeping with everyone,or anybody for that matter my past is my past I don’t go digging into it. If there is a church that’s gonna be raptured up who is worried about disease? Jesus nailed disease, sickness, and misery  to the cross for everyone,everybody just doesn’t have the same measure of faith. When you don’t tap into faith you don’t know what you truly have access to in Jesus Christ. 
• Me: Okay, so… I agree with you on some of it. So are you saying that you are refraining from sex until you get married? And you currently do not know your HIV/AIDS status because you are covered in the favor of God?
• www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: I’m covered by the blood of Jesus therefore I do know that I don’t have aids,this is not what I think it’s what I know.

        Ummmmm…I am sitting here trying to wipe my face clean but I can’t. He did give me permission to post hit Twitter link, so I did get that clearance. Again, I do understand being covered in the blood of the lamb. But you can NOT make me believe that I can walk outside of God’s kingdom to fornicate and then come back in to behave holier than thou and claim the blood in retrospect. Aint no way! You cant expect to be of the world and be covered by that which is not of that world.  It doesn’t and will NEVER work that way.

        If you behave in the world, you must abide by the rules and laws of that world. Therefore, do not be so afraid to get tested that you run behind the amour of God. I have faith in God to know that I will walk into the testing facility, get tested and be HIV Negative. THAT is how much faith I have. But I am also wise enough to know that if I keep testing God’s patience with my worldly activities that He can use HIV/AIDS to the betterment of His kingdom. So I am not immuned if I dabble in the world while engulfed in lust.  It is all or nothing!

        So ladies, even the religious dudes can get you hemmed up with something you can’t get rid of. So somewhere between you breaking the headboard and singing in the choir on Sunday, BOTH of you need to get tested. I am not judging you for the contradiction, but I am advising you to not continue the contradiction and hide behind faith. It isn’t wise. Protect yourself.

        I’ll never forget sitting at the McDonalds on Alabama Ave SE, D.C. with a coworker when a guy walks up and says, “Hi, my name is Michael. I’m HIV Negative, no kids, own place, and I drive” as he proceeds to pull out his HIV Negative Test results. I COULD HAVE DIED!!!  It was hilarious because it was random, but how scary is it that seeing a man with his HIV Negative results was sexy as shit! Have we reached this point? Soon will we need to have hand-held scanners like the BBM coder to see if the person you are talking to was Negative? I hope not, but stuff like this only happens to me. I swear.  People… You are NOT Magic. You don’t have his money, nor his insurance. WRAP IT UP! GET TESTED! KNOW YOUR STATUS! GET TESTED TOGETHER!!!! Protect yourself first. And anyone who makes a stink about it… tell them to go dry hump cement.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said…..Oedipus’s Words

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum. So, I thought of this question in early January and it has been sitting idly by in my blog cue for weeks. And then today I was sitting in my office listening to Pandora when India Arie‘s Talk to Her graced my headphones. [ To Read my blog about the lyrics, Click Here~> Lyrically Speaking:India Arie~Talk to Her]

        It has always baffled me how guys can walk up to you on the street or on the internet and have some of the most FOUL and inappropriate things come out of their mouths. It honestly made me wonder were they raised by wolves or if their mothers had any home training. Who does that?! There was a HUGE disconnect when it came to how you spoke to and respected your mother and how you are supposed to speak to a female that you are interested in. It was a prime example of The Village failing us again [To Read on my ideas about It Takes a Village<~Click Here]. Somewhere along the line this foulness had become acceptable, the norm, for guys to say whatever they wanted to either impress their boys or simply because they hadn’t been made to do better by the older males surrounding them, or by the women that they were seeking.

        As a woman with brothers galore and godbrothers to the hills, I know for a fact that my brothers would fight ‘AIN nut who thought that he would talk out the side of their neck in my direction. These are the same brothers that respect their women at all times. Of course they are guys and guys will do what guys do…. but they are not boys… my brothers are men. And yes, I know it sounds like Big sis is protecting her baby brothers, but it is more than that… I am using them as an example because I know that it can be done. Majority of my brothers are married, and the single ones ( meaning not married) have chosen some of the most wonderful women to share their time with that I would be proud to call any of them my sister-in-laws. It is possible.

        How can a man respect his mother who gave life and then disrespect a woman with whom he has chosen to share life? I don’t get it. I wonder how a guy would respond if a potential suitor walked up to his mother and said “Damn, you’s one fine bitch” or shouted out to his sister “I’d like to fuck you cuz you be a fine mufucker.” Yes, these are the things that have been said to my brothers’ sister, my nephew’s aunt, and my father’s daughter. Is it only because you only want to protect your own family, and make sure that women who share the same blood as you are respected but could care less about everyone else? I mean really, would you have respect for a female who answered to “Aye, yo… you come here”? What could a woman with that low of stock in her self-esteem do for you when you need a pick me up? What could she teach your current kids or future kids about demanding respect from others? Believe it or not, I think that the way a guy solicites a woman and the woman he decides to share his time with is a HUGE representation of who he feels he is and what he thinks he deserves. I mean really… do you think that Diddy would date Tasha’nae from Burger Kind while touring with Dirty Money? I think NOT! All he gets are J-Los because that is what he feels he deserves. Ever seen a physically beautiful girl with a physically not so attractive male? They both had a mutual understanding of what they both felt they deserved and it had, in some cases, nothing to do with materialistic things.

        So, I wanted to know how many of my 200 Men had forgotten their mothers at home when out and about conversing with women that they found interest in and I asked them the following question:

When choosing words to converse with a woman, have you ever said anything that you wouldn’t want said to you mother or your sister? If so, why did you say it to this woman? Send me a note for longer answers or clarification.

  

And their final answers were:

• James F:  the way i talk to other women and my mom is totally different…i mean im sure my mom has already heard some wild crazy things in her life so nah i dont even look at it like that…i say whatever i wanna say to women…she’s a woman she knows some of these b*tches and h*es aint sh*t….she tells me to beware of these lying ass scandalous b*tches she knows how some females can be
• *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I have never talked to any woman in a derogatory way……Its not my style. I was raised by Single Mom, GrandMa, Aunties, Cousins and Sisters.
•  Sincere:  never, because i have a mother, sister, and daughter
•  ”DUKE” BANNER: i must say, i have never disrespected my queen. i had a mother, i have a sister, niece ,even female cousins, you are my queen. never, no less, just like a queen. my conversation tells her how good she looks, how beautiful she is, what she means to me
• Tony Raymond **Thank El Grego**: Yes, i have and just because she is a woman doesn’t mean i am speaking to my mother. I am speaking to that person not to the whole sex class nor would i use different words for specific groups. I know you females are made from a different cloth than everything on the earth but that doesn’t eliminate you from being told of ones feels or espressions. We all are created equal as we all deserve the same thing, spoke to the same way when warranted (doesn’t mean disrespectful) and treated like the person whom you are to me. I am speaking from a biblical point of view because i don’t do the Human point of view since its proven we can’t govern ourselves correctly.
• K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: I AM A MASTER WITH WORDS, I JUST KNOW WHEN TO SAY AND LET MY ACTION SPEAK EVEN LOUDER THAN WORDS!
• Esau M: i watch what i say because what u say can effect the outcome of a lot of things
• James M: Yes, I have said things to a woman that I wouldn’t want said to my mother. They weren’t negative things but things said during sex or in intimate situations.
• Lateef25: yeah, mostly about sex in the heat of the moment
• Boss: NO, never
• Hit me up on facebook-Uriel B:   one time when I was talking with my home girl, I slipped and called my her a female dog but I apologized and told her that I didn’t mean to call her that
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi:   nah, i never did..but there r no words that shouldnt b said to certain ppl..now there r words that shouldnt b said by certain ppl..like im sure my Mom could b a bitch..but would i call her one..no!
• RANDELL the caribbean prince[R]:  no, because i watch wat i say
• djmel1:  yes, i have. no comment. the game is to be sold not to be told.
• Code Name Bigsexy: well first off, you dont want to sleep with your mother. but if it works for the woman you talkin to then??
• Delonte M: I simply talk to my female peers and my mother different because one is my female peer and one is my mother. However, It’s not in me to disrespect female peers that I respect. I’m not rude to women unless they deserve it.
• rroyallty:  im sure I have said some harsh things and hurt some feelings in the past. No one is perfect. But as I have matured, I have learned from my mistakes and improve on the present and future
• Dezi: Yes, I have.
• BIG SEKZI: nope
• Sybree B:  no, i dont disrespect the women in my family and i would advise the next man not to either.
•  …….:  lol nothing wrong with a little talking dirty after dark.Nobody wants to ever envision there mother or sister hearing that kind of content.

 

        Okay… so let me make myself clear, based on reading these comments. It is okay to talk differently to your woman in the privacy of your bedroom when it comes to talking dirty. Of course, we are not into the whole Oedipus complex…we must separate that part from our parents. But any other time when speaking to a person of the opposite sex do you show them the same respect that you would want shown to the women in your family?

 

        I keep seeing a lot of my 200 men post that a woman needs to let a man be a man, and then when asked what that means, the man things that come up are for him to be a provider and a protector. If you are a man, you will provide and protect for every female that you come in contact with until she shows you that she is unworthy and then you stop and move on. Women are told all of the time to not brig baggage….men too have to learn to leave their baggage with the last woman who misused their chivalry and renew it with every new face that crosses their path. It is a cycle, you disrespect a sister of a guy who may one day date your sister and disrespect her and then children are born who watch disrespect being passed before them. Seems far-fetched but it isn’t. It is already happening.

 

        Using James F’s comment from above, his mother knows that these bitches aint shit so he can talk to us ay kind of way, right ( speculating)? This is the frame of mind that is running rampid in our communities and the good women are getting hit with these bullets like a drive-by shooter with bad aim. This is erroneous behavior; no disrespect to his mother or her methods of raising her son. No, there are SOME women who are bitches that aint shit, just like SOME men are dogs. I was taught, put on your best behavior until other behavior is warranted. Meaning, instead of introducing yourself as an ass….treat this person with the utmost respect until they disrespect you. Then, and only then, should you have the CHOICE to be disrespectful back, but even then you have the opportunity to remain respectful and walk away leaving them in their ignorance.  I am a strong believer that a MAN remains a man at all times, just as a WOMAN will remain a woman at all times. No one, and I mean no one but you should have the power to make you come out of the pocket of your character.

 

        If this is your behavior… there is time and room to mature. The more respect that you put into the universe is the same amount that you will get back in return. This life we were given is a journey of learning. It is a HUGE goal of mine to get every guy to understand the meaning behind what he broadcasts about himself into the world. There are enough social programs and bitter women to take care of the girls… I think I am the Man Whisperer. I get why some of the behavior occurs, but want to help them to present the best THEM that there is to present. One guy wanting to be a man at a time.

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

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Am I My Brother’s Keeper?

        In the world that we currently live in, it makes me wonder if real men are standing up and making other males live up to the standards of being a man. And I am not talking about the football coaches who take care of just the guys on their team, or the few men who start the anti-violence and gang programs to keep the kids from hanging with the bad crowd, but I mean the every day gentlemen who would stop a young brother on the street and tell him to pull his pants up. Where are the men from the Civil Rights days who demanded respect just by walking into a room? There was a certain respect and responsibility that came along with being a man in those days, a responsibility that made everyone around you behave in the proper manner so that you all would be taken seriously. I think that somewhere along the line those types of men have gone into retirement and they forgot to train the next generation how to continue the tradition. These men forgot to teach them the purpose behind why being your brother’s keep is so important, not just in the black community, but in all communities.  So who can I blame? Where are these men who were supposed to teach these upcoming men how to behave so that I could continue to be proud of my brothers? Because now….its become the job of the single mothers and women dating these guys to teach them how to behave….and I don’t think it is our job to do so.

        They say that a woman cannot raise a man. If this is true, then where are the men who are supposed to make these boys and other males listen? As a woman I do not have access to the sacred Man Code book, but I do know how to behave in a manner to make a male understand what his boundaries are when he is in my presence. But is that enough? Are the actions of a woman grounded in her morals enough to make a male correct his actions and behave as a man? Personally, I don’t think that women alone can make a male behave as a man. It will take a man living as a man to set a visual and physical example for the male to believe that a woman isn’t living in her own imagination. A male would need a tangible representation standing before him as a cheat sheet on how to be a man in order to become one. I don’t know why it works that way, but it does.

So, 200 men were asked the question:

Are you your brother’s keeper? If NOT, why? Is it your responsibility? Have you ever corrected a male stranger when he was acting like less than a man?What’s your age & State?

        I really wanted to hear the responses from this question. I asked their age and location just to see if the answers would be the same amongst people in the same region of the country or males of the same age bracket. And out of those 200 I posted the responses of the males who responded back to me the fastest.

• ”DUKE” BANNER: IM A MASON, BUT OF COURSE I’M MY BROTHER’S KEEPER ,MY QUEEN. [I] TRY TO GUIDE THEM IN THE RIGHT WAY. (40yrs old/Lousianna)
•  Horace J: Yes, I am my brother’s keeper. If not me [there to] love him, then who will be? I have corrected males and been corrected. I have had ugliness pointed at me for my attempts. I won’t say they were acting less than a man but too aggressive. (39yrs old/New Jersey)
• Aries Brotha: I’m not my brother’s keeper. I’m the younger brother and he is the one that should lead by example. But in all due honest he and I are complete opposites in every way. (33yrs old/Maryland)
•  ……. :  No! I don’t put my nose in other people’s business. (26yrs old/Maryland)
•  Ddouble R: (1) yes i am (2)again yes i have, ( 38yrs old/Maryland)
• H.O. R:  I AM A KEEPER BUT NOT NECESSARILY MY BROTHERS. ITS NOT REALLY MY RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP HIM/HER BUT IT IS ON ME IF I NO INFO AND DON’T REPORT IT. SURE I’VE CORRECTED A MAN FOR BEING LESS THAN ONE. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY BUT TO SCHOOL FOR PSYCHOLOGY (39yrs old/Georgia)
•  Code Name Bigsexy: sometimes.it has to be something unreal then i would school the young dude. (30yrs old/Maryland)
•  big slim: Yes I am..if the next man is out of line around me then it’s only right for me too step in and put him in his place…I do this almost everyday ( 35yrs old/DC)

And my FAVORITE response came from :

• DJ Urban Cowboy: I feel like its our duty to correct our fellow-man… cause they represent your sex to the human population and when man acts the fool… women and even men think less of the male population as a whole.. (27yrs old/New York)

 

        INTERESTING!!! I find it amazing how majority of the men who responding thought that I was speaking of their literal brothers, as in a sibling and not the metaphorical Biblical Cane & Abel sense. So far age is not really a factor in whether or not these guys would check another male for not behaving properly and neither is location. Interesting. I would have thought that the younger generation would have been the first to say that they are not their brothers’ keeper. But it is across the board that my older gentlemen did not hesitate to put someone in their place.  And just like DJ Urban Cowboy said, we tend to think of the male population as a whole based off of the actions of one individual acting an ass. Sad, yet so true.

        And I have to comment on Aries Brother’s comment. He said that he doesn’t have to be because he is the younger and his older brother should set the example. WOW!!! This form of thinking is why we are where we are. There is ALWAYS someone younger than you who is watching your every move. You may be the younger sibling, but even then, sometimes we older siblings lose our way and if our younger siblings respectfully remind us of who we are supposed to be we can get back on the right track. It works both ways. You’re not just his brother, but you are his brother too. That’s like getting into a marriage and saying what you will and wont do because your spouse is supposed to do something. ALL relationships require equal respect, communication, and responsibility. I know, I have brother who I feel I have been a sister to but don’t feel that they have been a brother back to me. That feeling SUCKS ASS! So, having learned that first hand, it is everyone’s responsibility to make sure that our actions are reciprocated and equal.

        So, since we know that one clown can disturb the class, how can we get these men to become their brothers’ keeper more often? I could write until my fingers fall off or talk until my chocolate behind turns blue in the face, but what are some literal steps/actions that we could take to get them to look out for one another? Maybe we can try to work on the concept of brother. I think if we got people to think of the man sitting next to them as a brother we can get this family feeling back into the communities. And this should go across the race lines as well. Code Name Big Sexy, from above, is white and he gives some excellent feedback. If we all, women included, helped to promote the frame of mind that we could be more productive as the human race if we all helped guide the person next to us in the right direction , maybe…just maybe, we could actually get something accomplished. But….this blog means nothing until others believe it and start acting on it.  I am my brothers’ keeper…..I just hope that he keeps listening to me.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter & My Brothers’ Big Sister*~

“Same”phobic Homosapiens

        I am very much a , pardon the expression, “Fag Hag”. Yes, I simply adore the LBGT community. I don’t judge. And if you read my blog entry called “I’m Not A Lesbian, but I Played One in College”  (<~Click to read) then you would know just how close this subject is to my heart. I feel like I’m an honorary LBGT crusader. And I have tons of friends who are out, many who are not, and others who I think are but may not feel comfortable expressing that side of themselves to me because they may not know where I stand. Well, I stand on the side of understanding. I understand that we all have things about us that others may not like, but it shouldnt stop us from being who we are as long as it doesn’t harm us or others. There. That is my stance from now until eternity. Besides, what you do in your bed room is none of my business, just as what I do in mine is none of yours…..but I’m sure we’ll love each other just the same in the morning no matter what occurred behind close doors or on kitchen counters. Just let me know before I eat at your breakfast nook. Thanks.

        So, Biblical references to the side momentarily… yes I said put it to the side for a moment. Because if you lived by every word in that Bible you would still be a virgin. SO HUSH IT UP! You point at other people’s faults and I will point at yours. Yep, tit for bigot! Where was I? Oh yes, with all religious views to the side, let’s get to the core of this issue. Why are most people afraid of homosexual men. How odd how men don’t mind two lesbians going at it but something about the fiber of them cracks every time a homosexual man holds another man’s hand. Why is that? If they are not bothering you or trying to convert you ( against popular belief you can not be converted…unless you already wanted to be…lol) why is it any of your concern who they choose to love? I read in a medical article how the female body begins to attack the male fetus because it sees the testosterone as an outsider, or virus even, and begins to try to balance the high levels of testosterone with estrogen. This is extremely prevalent in women who have multiple sons. This raises the chances of the younger son being more feminine that the others. I think that could be true because our bodies have a way of protecting its self. So you know what they say, God doesn’t make mistakes. I know I said to leave the religion to the side, but I had to say it.

So, since many women are gay friendly, I had to ask my 200 men for their opinion. 200 men were asked:

Why do you think so many men are homophobic if they’re secure in their manhood? Please be RESPECTFUL when answering. I’m not asking you to judge the lifestyle but rather why men respond to the lifestyle so negatively. Thanks.

And some of the 200 responded with :

1. Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I think men have the same reasons [for being] homophobic [as] people [have for being] racist or fearful of most things… just a simple lack of understanding and no willingness to understand. Insecurity, I’m sure plays a major role
2. Kenneth H: No real [man] likes homo. It is what it is. Sorry, I’m from the old school (,2Deep: So there were no gays in the old school? lol)
3. Erik B: i don’t know. but i know for me, someone’s preference has nothing to do with my lifestyle. so i can’t speak for someone else.
4. Truly Blessed with Love: Dont think its homophobic. I truly think that they aren’t secure in their manhood and I personally don’t need to [have] some gay man around me for a woman to say, “oh he’s secure about his manhood.”  if [you need] something like that to prove that you are then you really [weren’t as] secure
5. Code Name Bigsexy: i feel like that lifestyle is pushed on straight people.in movies and in life.its made like straight people are the 1’s who are out the norm.i don’t like the fact that its public. as a father how do you tell your kids whats going on??
6.  !: Because it’s a very taboo lifestyle, especially in the black community. Str8 men are that way b/c they don’t want women to think they are homo’s, which is bad for them and their love life….If you see a str8 man with a homo, you would be suspect too.
7.  H.O. R: [I] PERSONALLY WONDER WHY PEOPLE, IN GENERAL, ARE SO NEGATIVE THESE DAYS ….PERIOD. BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION,  I DON’T CARE IF THEY ARE GAY OR WHATEVA JUST DON’T DISRESPECT ME AND WE’RE GOOD. AND JUST BE WHO YOU ARE AND THEY WILL GET RESPECT
8. DJ Urban Cowboy: People are always paranoid of the unknown. They are homophobic because they have not taken the time to understand the culture.
9. Young fresh to D: that’s a good question. i think some men can’t handle homos in any form but everybody is different
10. Jay S: they are really not homophobic. we just can’t deal with being hit on by another male
11. Lost in my own mind: it is possible that it could be [the way] they were raised or brought up in [their] household. Mainly, i blame media because the media makes it seem as if you become friends with a person that possesses those qualities [then] you will become gay or end up doing [homo]sexual things
12.  Trayvon S {Men Of Respect}: men are homophobic ’cause [the] world tells you that being gay is wrong. and people see a man talking to a gay man [and] thinks he is gay. so men that are straight [don’t] associate with them.  personally, i don’t care about some one being a homo,cause i love women
13.  Live And Love or LAL: This goes against nature, and God himself. Man [was not built for] sexual activity with another man but with a woman. that’s why God gave us two different sex organs to compliment each other.
14. Conscious 1: ooh lawd.  Well to answer you most recent question.  I think homophobia has been poorly defined by the portion of the gay community who has a political agenda.  One can’t want the right to express themselves and their lifestyle then block those who disagree with it.  They demonize their own existence by using the negative stigma of homosexual men and either stating a man who isn’t a homosexual has a phobia or is secretly gay.  A phobia is a fear.  A disagreement is not synonymous nor is it a measuring rod of ones manhood. 
15. Bryan P: well to be real [some] guys are real homophobic because i think they have something to hide in [their] closet … and i would never judge [someone] over their choice of who they like …
16. *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I don’t think a lot of guys are homophobic. a lot of guys become defensive if a gay guy tends to venture his way or try to hit on the straight guy. I have been hit on by a gay guy and i got mad because he [doesn’] know me, so don’t come at me like that……
17.  Young ’84 T2G: people in general don’t like what they don’t understand. I can’t speak for every man but I don’t judge anyone for what they decide to be [with] or do. Most men I know though don’t understand how a man can be interested in another man.
18. Aries Brotha: The fear that whatever makes homosexuals function will [be passed] on to them by touch, close proximity, or association. Fear is such a powerful weapon and the bible, media, and everything we read and write tells us/conditions us to believe it’s wrong.
19.  Kip S: I will answer this as a non homophobic man. It is a pride thing. With excessive pride comes ignorance, which leads to the typical homophobic man. If we don’t understand it, we look at it as a disease.
20.  ”DUKE” BANNER: they just don’t understand. they think [that] all gay men want them. but if you’re like me ,not gay,[you don’t] give them no reason to think that they can approach [you] in that way. no im not homophobic
21.  P Reddz: PERSONALLY,IAM JUST AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY.NOW I MUST ADMIT IT DOES TURN ME ON WHEN ITS 2 WOMEN, BUT MEN [ON] MEN, UH UH.ITS JUST WRONG.I MEAN EVERYONE HAS THEIR RIGHT TO DO AS THEY PLEASE. I DONT GO AROUND HARRASSING AND INSULTING GAY PEOPLE..
22.  Tony Raymond **Thank El Grego**: It’s an Abomination of the life. It [means they] cannot procreate which is part of our natural design by the creator. Any support of it is telling the father to go to hell.
23. Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Well Real Men Hate Folly n foolishness [and] Try 2 Line Up the Spirit With The Word… Then Also Sum Might Be Fakin N They Like Dat Foolishness But Dnt Wanna Be Judged.. It’s All Types Of Excuses Y!!..Anutha One Is It Might Touch On the Ego, Which No Man Likes
24.  Steven C {{QB}}: The better question is …ask God why he Hates it so much? (2Deep: I asked, I didn’t get an answer back yet. I checked the Bible, too. Nothing in red ink stating this fact either. Next time you talk to Him, please tell him to call me so that I can be put on 3-way for this discussion. I’d appreciate it.)
25.  …….: Maybe they vehemently disagree with it

And my favorite response came down to:

• Horace J: Phobic/phobia in simple terms “a fear of; a desire to avoid”… I don’t believe men have a fear of male homosexuals the latter part of the simple def “a desire to avoid activities”, yes. It deals with a vulnerable state we only express with. women.

        I felt almost as if I had to respond to some of these remarks. Kenneth H said that ” no real man likes a homo”. SO based on the definition of homo, which means same or of likeness, he is saying that no real man likes the same. The same what? The same person who loves the same way he does? Someone who has the same philosophies as he does? I have this haiku that I wrote that says:

I wish you were gay

So you can take it like a

Man, you punk ass bitch

        Everyone rolls into laughter when I say that poem. But I honestly think that it takes a REAL man to go against the grain of what everyone else thinks he should do just so that he can remain true to himself at all times. And if that requires him to love another man….then you have my full support and my understanding. Because I understand what it can do for you to morph to try to please everyone else. It’s not healthy. If its wrong, then it is wrong. No one will be cleared of all of their sins unless asked to be forgiven on their death beds. So while here on earth. I accept everyone for their faults. If they tithe, if they love thy neighbor, if they don’t kill or steal, or covet their neighbors… I’m pretty sure that they are on the right track and the rest of us are sinning by having sex PERIOD! It doesn’t matter who you have sex with, the sin is sex before marriage. End of story. So… that explanation is also my response to Live and Love or LAL. I’m doing what your screen name says I should do. I am living my life and I am loving everyone, even those who are not like me. Or does your name not apply to the homosexual community? Not an attack… just wondering. And yes, God gave us organs to compliment one another….please spread the word to your STRAIGHT brothers who enjoy engaging in anal sex with a woman. Or does that not constitute as a complimentary entrance? Does oral sex count as a complimentary entrance….or should we just stick to missionary? And based on what Steven C {{QB}} said, I just have to shake my head. How quick black men are to forget that not even a full 2 centuries ago slavery ended, and even during the civil rights and still today there are Klu Klux Klan members shouting that God made the white man ruler over all other races. They used the Bible to control those that they were afraid of and a culture that they didn’t understand. Are we REALLY gonna use the same backdoor pew hatred? And even if there were documented proof that God said, which would be signified by red ink, that homosexuality is wrong it still wouldn’t be right to condemn one sin by being hateful and breaking other laws of God at the same time.I started this topic just because I was curious, but now I am saddened at the divide amongst humans.  I understand the connection to the church, I do and I love the Lord….he created us all and I believe that my role is to love EVERYONE. If I live my life according to his will and set an example for others, then they will come to God and HE will be the one to make any changes that he sees fit ( if any at all are needed). I think we as human beings have taken on God’s role far too much and have in turn tarnished his name by doing unjust things in it. I cannot and will not pass judgement (throw stones) or hate in JEsus’ name just because one minister quoted a verse in the Bible that he takes to be condemning homosexuality. Again, I will love, preach the word without judgement and people will come to know that God is a loving God and feel more welcome in His house. I have faith that God is still God and he can do more than I ever could, therefore I will continue to love and promote his word without hate, judgement or condemning actions. That’s my truth, and I’m sticking to it.

          Code Name Big Sexy says that he feels that the gay lifestyle is pushed on straight people, but I feel it is the other way around. I think that since people THINK that heterosexuals are the majority and are the right way to be heterosexuals push our lifestyle on to homosexuals. People are losing jobs, can’t protect our country or serve in our churches because we are pushing our sexual ideals on to them. A heterosexual isn’t losing their job because they didn’t turn gay. A heterosexual isn’t getting chained up to fences in Wyoming because they didn’t turn gay. (R.I.P Matthew). And yet heterosexuals feel as if the homosexuals are forcing themselves into our way of thinking? They are merely asking to be accepted as humans and treated fairly. And as a father, you should want your child to know that there are people who are different from you and them, but do so in a way to explain how your morals are set  up and not to teach hate. This form of communication will also open the window for your children to feel they can come talk to you when they have questions. It is a dialogue.  And that leads me to Jay S. Honey, you are a nice looking man, I agree, but every gay man does not want you nor will they hit on you. I GUARANTEE you that one of my gay friends could kick it with you and you would never know he was gay and never once would he hit on you because you are not his type. We have to get away from the stereotype that all gay men hit on every straight man. That is the HUGEST fallacy in the world! They are human. They like football, they look like some of your homeboys. All gay men are not feminine and switch their hips. So let’s get that out of our heads. Unless you want them to hit on you, then I support you too ( JUST KIDDING!!!).

        I think that the culture has to change in order for everyone to feel comfortable to be themselves. We have to change the way we think. They once thought that the earth was flat, the sun revolved around us, and that Tupac was dead, and we all know the truth now…don’t we? We have to have open minds to learn what is different from us. It is about respect, acceptance, and community. Gay is just a label that a label-giving society gave a group of people. How ironic that gay means happy.  I wonder what it would be like if we all could be happy just the same. Because from where I sit, we’re just scared of the unknown… and I don’t want to associate with a bunch of scaredy cats; No Homo(sapien). lol.

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT SO THAT WE CAN KEEP DISCUSSIONS LIKE THIS GOING!!!! I’m gonna stop writing if people don’t start leaving comments here on my blog!!!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Male Self Respect

        Being an aunt makes me want to guard my nephews at all time from the women and situations that may try to steer them down the wrong path. If they were closer to me, they would get daily lessons of me telling them to love themselves and that they too are treasures. Being a godmother of a beautiful 10-year-old makes me tell her every chance that I get that she is beautiful, that she is special, that no one should touch or see her body but her mother and grandmother. My god-daughter looks up to me and tells me in our pen pal letters that she thinks I am the best godmother ever. This is where my basis for this blog is grounded….the teaching of equality in self-worth.

        My nephews, just because they are boys shouldnt be told anything different that I tell my god-daughter, other than pee standing up and wipe your butt properly.  If  I tell her that she should wait until she can handle whatever consequences that may come her way when it comes to sex, then my nephews should get the same pep talk. My nephews shouldnt get the pregnancy speech of “just don’t get her pregnant” but it should also be instilled in them that they will have to take care of a baby that they helped produce and dead beating it is not an option. But this is me preaching in Lala land.

        I know that it is a social thing for guys to follow man law from the Hold Your Nuts handbook, and I am just a woman…so what do I know, right? Well, as a woman who has a good amount of self-respect, it pains me to see males not showing love for themselves as well. When a guy doesn’t care about his appearance…sagging pants, dirty shirts, or over sized clothing…he is choosing trend over what image shows who he really is. Or maybe that is who he really is and not who he could be….but I can’t accept that. When a guy posts pictures of his penis as his profile pic on sites…I don’t get turned on by that. I immediately get offended because you just abused me without caring for my feelings, then you don’t care who sees your private parts. They’re called private parts for a reason. Restricted areas aren’t meant for everyone to see. If you know you are working with a Monster….make a chick work for the monster. When I see guys getting with a girl just because she is easy and will give it up… I just want to scream. That shows that you don’t think you can get a woman of substance or that you don’t care that this chick just did the same thing she’s doing to you to 20 of your closest boys. Shouldnt a guy think that he deserves better than the local hood rat? Or do you only think that the quick fix makes you rank higher amongst your boys? Dont you feel that you are worth the pick of the litter?

        I could be taking this out of context or merely refusing to live in the destructive modern structures, but I believe that this outlook on life that certain males have can be changed. I just want to walk up to guys on the street, and sometimes I do, and tell them to look at things from a different perspective. Like the teen who walked behind me blasting the lyrics “I only lick pussy if the bitch can suck a dick…” loudly from his mp3 player at Yum Yum’s. I turned around and asked him if he thought that what he was doing was respectful to the women standing in line with him. I also asked if he thought that the girl across the joint who he had been staring at would even think that was cute. I also asked him if this made him appear cool versus looking smart. He looked at me, turned off his mp3 player, apologized and thanked me. He said, “No one has ever put it to me like dat befo. I ‘prociate dat ma’am.” And as he grabbed his food and walked out I yelled…”and pull those pants up too.” All it took, in this case, was for someone to introduce him to his worth.

        I think if we spent a 3rd of the energy on boys that we spend on building up the girl’s self worth…the world would be a better place. Majority of the girl’s worth training is based upon the assumption that a guy will eventually try to corrupt you…so why not stop the potential corruption and build both entities up from the womb? I love males dearly….and I can’t sit by idly and watch another one display clear signs of self disrespect. No matter what society, media, or your boys say is cool….you can do better. I know you can… I have faith that you can…. and you will.

The end of my public service announcement.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Lyrically Speaking: Waka Flocka-No Hands

Second Edition

        Like Waka Flocka at all of his paid performances, I am at a loss for words. I mean, I will make an honest attempt to give some form of props in the middle of this mess….but no promises.

        Waka Flaka’s No Hands is a very trendy and catchy beat and chorus that has teens from DC to Japan screaming “Look ma, no hands” and even though I have been guilty of bobbing to it in my own house and subconsciously learning the lyrics thanks to constant rotation on the radio, I wouldn’t want anyone else learning it. Hypocrite? Yes, and rightfully so. I’m old enough to know what the lyrics of the song mean. I wish I could sit a class down and deconstruct these lyrics. It’s the teen group that I want to stop from bobbing to this, because the girls are the first ones to jump up and prove to the boys that they are the best “No Hands” chick in the building, and the boys continue to think that treating these girls as such is what the girls want because they aren’t showing them otherwise.

        I remember when Hip-Hop use to make us think, you to get you amped up to do something, but now this rap stuff is for no other use than to degrade and get your head bobbing in the club. Being, indirectly, from the south you would think that I was proud of the south’s musical (lack of) achievements. I mean, the Stanky Leg and No Hands should be enough to make me rep’ my city….right? Not so much. Okay…enough of my banter… lets look at these lyrics. The same lyrics that get bleeped out on the radio and make it sound just a little bit cleaner than what it was ever intended to be……those edited lyrics are WAY better than what is said.

Chorus:

Roscoe;Chorus:]
Girl the way you’re movin’
Got me in a trance
DJ turn me up
Ladies dis yo jam
I’ma sip Moscato
And you ‘gon lose dem pants
Then I’ma throw this money
While you do it with no hands
Girl drop it to the flo’
I love the way yo booty go
All I want to do is sit back
And watch you move
And I’ll proceed to throw this cash

 

        Fiiiiiiiirst off! Roscoe has a daughter. I keep trying to tell people how this whole ” I will corrupt your sons and daughters while I protect my own seed” mentality is a bunch of bullshit! Some lil boy is going to grow up thinking that this is how to treat a woman, therefore making his daughter’s chances of finding a decent man who doesn’t want her just for her money slim to impossible!!! I can’t shout this enough. So he is telling you that this is your song & you’ve got to take your pants off BEFORE he’ll give you any money. Okay… on to the king of stupidity.

Verse 1:

Waka;Verse 1:]
(Waka, Waka, Waka, Flocka, Whoa, Whoa)
All that ass
In yo jeans
Can Wale beat
Can Roscoe skeet
Long hair she don’t care
When she walk she get stares
Brown skin or a yellow-bone
DJ this my favorite song
So I’ma make it thunderstorm
Bud, want it, Flocka, yea
Blowin’ ,fuck it, i dont care
Chests’ flyin’ everywhere
Got my partner Roscoe, like bruh
I’m drinkin’, help, can’t you tell
Booze help me hit them 15 steps
I’m fuckin’, well i’m tryna hit the hotel
With 2 girls that swallow me
Take this dick while swallow
Pay moscato got her freaky
Aye you got me in a trance
Please take off yo pants
Pussy pop on her handstand
You got me sweatin’
Please pass me a fan damn!

        After the “Shawt Bus Shawty intro……(Waka Waka Waka Waka). Ummmm…. So, he doesn’t even want to sleep with you. He just wants to ask if his boy can beat it and then can his OTHER boy skeet it? Classy! I mean…this should have all the girls out on the dance floor dancing like coons, booty tooted up in the air! And one wants to beat it…..sooooo is the other sitting in the corner holding his skeet? Or is he beating himself while the other beats and then they tag team WWE style while one now skeets on her and the other contains his skeet because that wasnt apart of the contractual agreement? Okay… I thought too much into that, but why say it if it doesn’t make any logical sense? So…further in the verse you are only good enough to suck him off because he doesn’t think you’re quite fuckable material because you might get pregnant and he doesn’t want that. And the first southern grammatical stab is “Chests'” ….pronounced by Waka as “Chest-is” LMAO!!! You showl is edjumikated. And I think he had a bout with schizophrenia in the middle when we asked himself if he wanted bud…and then answered himself. But….next!

After a flare of the chorus again……..

Verse 2:

[Wale;Verse 2:]
(Aye, aye, Wale, uh)
She said look ma no hands
She said look ma no hands
And no darling I don’t dance
And, I’m with Roscoe, I’m with Waka
I think i deserve a chance
I’m a bad mothafucka
Gon’ ask some mothafuckas
A young handsome mothafucka
I sling that wood
I just nun chuck ’em
And, who you wit
And, what’s yo name
And, you not hear boo, I’m Wale
And, that D.C. shit I rep all day
And, my eyes red cuz of all that haze
Don’t blow my high
Let me shine
Drumma on the beat
Let me take my time
Nigga want beef we can take it outside
Fight for what broad
These hoes ain’t mine
Is you out yo mind
You out yo league
I sweat no bitches
Just sweat out weaves
Where our tracks
Let me do my thing
I got 16, for this Roscoe thing
But, i’m almost done
Let me get back to it
Whole lotta loud
And a little backwood
Whole lotta money
Big tip I would
I put her on the train
Little engine could, bitch

 

        I know this is just a song, but she was proud enough to show her mother how she does it without hands? I wish I would!!! My mother would hop up from the grave and pimp slap me with the withering hang of my ancestors if I EVER did that in front of her. I’m still afraid to do stuff in my own house in fear that her spirit can see… & I am grown! lol. Nunchucks are weapons…..domestic violence is not cute metaphorically or literally….NEXT! Ummm what the fuck does “You not hear” mean? Is that suppose to be “you can’t hear” or “havent you heard” or am I bugging? Nope, not bugging… he did graduate from PG County public schools. I know… I live here…lmao! And just in case you thought that he would protect your honor after you gave up the ass…. think again! You hoes arent his! lol And just when you wanted frequent flier miles… he plans on straight up Amtraking your ass…..am I making my point?

And last but definitely not least:

Verse 3:

[Roscoe;Verse 3:]
(Roscoe Dash, let’s go)
R-O-S-C-O-E-Mr. shawty put it on me
I be goin’ ham
Shawty upgrade from baloney
Them niggas tippin’ good
Girl but I can make it flood
Cuz I walk around
With pockets bigger that are than my bus
Rain, rain go away
That’s what all my haters say
My pockets stuck on overload
My reign never evaporates
No need to eleborate
Most of these ducks exaggerate
But, i’ma get money nigga
Everyday stuntin’ nigga
Ducks might get a chance after me
Bitch i’m ballin’
Like i’m comin’ off of free throws
Cuz the head of the game
No cheat codes
Lambo, Roscoe
No street code
And your booty got me lost like Nemo
Go, go, go
G-gon’ and do yo dance
And, i’ma throw this money
While you do it wit no hands
(GO!)

 

        My hoe has a first name its, Y-O-U-S-A; my hoe has a  last name, its B-I-T-C-H! lol. SO between ham and bologna, he only deals with basic bitches. No steak, no filet mignon, hell….not even turkey? This is a classy negro ladies… he will spend the best on his bitches! And I think that he happens to have a fetish with Ducks…..dont go to Disney World and leave him alone with Donald. Trust me…..the water metaphors are freaking me out. And he might not even really like women because he really only talked about himself through the whole verse. Was this to redeem himself for even being apart of this fucked up coonery in the first place? At least he spoke the best English in the song. COONSTATSTIC!

        I tried to find some praise in there… this is how I really feel about this song. Bounce if you must….but this is just HORRIBLE! Okay.. I’m done. Until I get some liquid courage in my system at a private house party and I begin to jam to this. What? I wanna do it with no hands…I’ve been practicing Yoga. lol

Double Negative Error Count

R&B: -6      Rap: -2

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

 

Think Like a Hoe… Act Like a Lady

 

        For ages our mothers have taught us to always be a lady in the street, while magazines tell us to be freaks in the sheets….just to have a book tell us that the male ego can’t stomach the idea of his woman having had practice sexually before meeting him, thus making you undateable. I say….MAN THE HELL UP!  But those words wont get you into a meaningful relationship. So, I say….think like a hoe, but act like a lady.

        Popular belief would mix and match that very theory…. and I am highly aware that I did not just reinvent the atom here, but work with a sister will you. The reason women don’t really get along with one another is because of two very simple reasons:

1. She was once naive and some more experienced girl came along and blew her dreams out of the water and now she is weary of every female; Good Girl Gone Bad Syndrome

2. She was the loose girl in the group who would do what the others wouldnt but always couldn’t get the guy or the relationships that the others could; Hoe Gone Remorseful Syndrome.

        The reason why I don’t leave a female, even a friend, around my good man is because…”if the woman thought anything like I had to in order to get him…” , I’d have to kill her. Women are ruthless. They say that men are hunters by nature. Cute. We sent you all out into the woods while we hunted out which route we would take to capture you. We are architects of manipulation, sorry…but we are. Why do you think it takes us so long to get dressed? Even our outfits are battle gear preparing us to go out on the battlefield and attack the enemy in order for us to win the war. Make-up;war paint. Heels; couture army boots. Girdles, push-up bras, and spanks; camoflauge! lmao!!!!! Women, since the beginning of time, have been the baited traps that the guys fall for, and yet somewhere they thought that they were catching us when we were catching them….if I ruined anyone’s idea of this set up….my bad, your fault (stole that from my brother…lol. Thanks, Dre)

        Yes, Biblically speaking you are supposed to wait to be found…..but it is where you place yourself and how you behave that will get you found. CHURCH IS NOT THE PLACE TO BE FOUND!!!! Girl, people are supposed to be finding Jesus and not your cooking skills at the annual bake sale for choir robes. Clubs are not the place to be found. Between the Ciroc and dim lights, you have to wonder if his judgment is just in picking you. You can still follow the old adage of being found, but having control in how you are found. Notice I said how… not when… don’t hit me up complaining that you havent been found yet. That’s a personal problem.

        Athletic and Celebrity groupies have the right idea, but wrong execution. They hang out after all events, creep up to the hotel rooms, and try to get pregnant just to stake claim to the fortune of a celebrity. Some are successful but even then many never make it past the baby mama and jump off stage. Then you have the ladies who dress appropriately but shut out every single guy who doesn’t fit her criteria…..wrong idea, semi right execution. I say wrong idea is because you are supposed to experiment, find out what it is that you really like, plus experience REALISTICALLY what the world is willing to give back to you. The semi-right execution is in being honest with what you will and wont take and moving on to the next one if it doesn’t work out. So what would happen if we mixed the two? Maybe then we would get the girl who would place herself in intellectual settings, dressed appropriate, not allowing herself to be objectified while still maintaining her game face. Thinking like a hoe , but acting like a lady.

        I could be wrong, I doubt it…and again I know that I am not saying anything new. But honestly…. this technique needs to be used. Have that “larger than life” appeal about you that the groupies have, but then execute your approach like a deaconess and watch the guys become baffled over the fact that they cant figure out how to get you. They say they don’t like game… BULL….because as soon as you admit how you really feel they think that the chase is over and they retreat like soldiers on the outside of the Trojan horse. I think that I can appropriately call this the Lysistrata Movement. Or as Medea would say it, “Clink, Clink”. lol.

        As women, we have the urge to be sensual and sexual, men are not the only ones, but we must learn how to control that urge and remain ladies in trying to reach that ultimate relationship with a guy. Protecting his frail ego and our reputation go hand in hand…and once you forget one you lose the other as well. It is a balancing act that we must always keep in our heads. It must whisper to you like your bladder right before you get on a roller coaster.

        But then again….I’m single….so I may not know what I am talking about… but all of my friends’ boyfriends love the way that I calm down their women and get the ladies to see things from his perspective. So, there is that to think about too…..it is always the single woman who gets the man…hint hint. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt to listen to one in order to keep him. Just a thought. *Wink*

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

I’m Not a Lesbian, but I Played One In College

        Now that I have your attention… welcome. The taboo sentiments that circle around the topic of homosexuality are enough to make me torch the nearest discriminating heterosexual with rainbow gasoline. Seriously, no matter what you think of the topic ,no one civil right should be trumped by one’s disapproval of another’s civil rights. Point, Blank, Period!

        The title, obvious. I pulled a Katy Perry once in undergrad; I kissed a girl…and I liked it. One time, end of story. Nothing dramatic, nothing scandalous, just truth. What?!!! I went to a majority white college… girl on girl kissing is required in the student constitution to get your diploma…lol. So, should I be persecuted for a seemingly innocent homosexual act? Should I be banned from heaven because, in all actuality, I find the feminine form more attractive than that of a male’s but prefer the male’s over a woman’s? Or do I get a pass, the left blinded eye of justice, because I am a “redeemed” homosexual and I didn’t even send in $10.99 for a free healing prayer cloth? News flash, it is not the act that makes a person homosexual.

        I’ve never had sex with a woman, I just can’t picture myself ever taking it that far….so I’m a lesbian on paper…lol. I send in my dues every month at a gay pride rally but that is about it. But if you ask me how do I identify myself….you’ll never hear me say heterosexual. For that matter, you’ll never hear me say I’m homosexual. I just am. I stand in the middle, torn by what a part of me once experienced and what the rest of the world says is appropriate, all the while thinking that they could both exist harmoniously.

        Ignorance about homosexuality makes me cringe. I actually have a co-worker who once, while proclaiming his frustration over his son’s flying to New York from Florida to see his long distance girlfriend, said, “Well, it could be worse. He could be gay.” He said it as if being a serial killer, an international terrorist, or satan himself were all better than if his son were a homosexual with perfect credit and a clean criminal record with the cure to all currently incurable diseases stuffed in his left jean pant pocket. But this of course is coming from the same “Christian” coworker who posted this above his desk:       

I rest my case……….Shame how people can hate but can’t even copy/paste scripture properly…lol

         I have homosexual friends that I have invited to my church over, and over, and over again. I hate having to preface with “the speaker may hit an anti-homosexual rant, but listen to the voice of God between it all.” I want to stand up and shout during service…. “MUCH LIKE THE MILITARY, THE MORE PEOPLE WE HAVE SPREADING GOD’S MESSAGE, THE BETTER OFF WE ARE IN THIS WAR AGAINST EVIL!” But I don’t. I let the masses in the pews clap and cheer and Amen the minister of the day. Deep down I just want to fix it all, help bring a different approach. Telling me that I am wrong will not make me listen to you, but showing me another way for something to be done may get me to see your side. Shouting to the hills that homosexuality is wrong keeps so many lost souls from hearing God’s message. It’s almost as if they don’t think that bringing them into His house, teaching the rest of his teachings, will be enough ground work for God to magically work in their lives the way that He sees fit. It’s almost as if they are shouting that you can’t be Christian if you are a homosexual or don’t disapprove of homosexuals. When in fact they could try the Pythagorean-ish theorem.  If a=God, and b=His mercy, then c=His love for you. One may conclude after hearing those lessons repeatedly that God would work inside of the person. You can’t cut out what you THINK is cancer without first taking tests, blood work ( pardon the religious pun), X-rays, and even the initial incision on the surgery table. Baby steps, not attack. And I am not saying here that it should even be changed…but if you think that homosexuals should be changed…think of a different approach.

I also don’t think that religiously suppressing homosexuals is a healthy method of spiritually reforming people for the heterosexual partners that they may find themselves with. As a female who would one day like to be married to a male, I have fears of being in a relationship with a male who loves another male but because his church tells him he should be with a female he picks one as a front for the public and then begins down low activities…been there, done that… tested negative. That is a touchy subject for me. If you told me that my “now” husband was once with a man… I would always wonder if he still had those same feelings and I would want him to go be with whomever made him happy rather than stick around in a marriage with me simply because I was female. Only God can change an urge. My urge to stop having sex, though, doesn’t make me a virgin again, just like making someone stop engaging in homosexual activities will not make a homosexual a heterosexual. So am I wrong for letting God work his magic on the things that would cause me to hate? Am I wrong for having faith that God will work things out and as long as I continue to love everyone around me, respect them as humans and preach the word of God to get people into His house, no matter their sexual preference, God will be proud of me? Or am I wrong for thinking that it is ridiculous to lose a person over one Biblical scripture rather than gain them through a thousand others?

        I highly doubt that when it is all said and done that I will get to the pearly gates and Peter is gonna chuck up the Dueces with Jesus on speaker phone as they both tell me that I must spend eternity in hell because I didn’t choose to persecute the gays. People use the Bible at their convenience to promote their cause. I say, if you don’t use it all exactly the way that it was written….dont come hollering that nonsense in my ear all out of context. I’ve even heard ministers say that “this is a new time but the messages still apply”. Well, when your wife can’t have a baby you better not turn to invetro, you better sleep with your house servant. When Michael Jackson died he should have risen like Lazarus. I’m just saying… do you see the disconnect here? Why is it that other things can be forgotten, modernized, and substituted, but the principle of homosexuality and adamant hatred associated with it managed to last throughout the ages? Maybe, now, God needs this individual, who happens to be a homosexual, to know the love that God has for all human beings. Maybe this individual needed to hear how Job waited on the Lord, or how Joseph, David, and others over came trials. Maybe they need for you to practice the agape that you preach. Just maybe.

        I know several homosexuals that walk the halls of my church without them ever having to say a word but I have proof….their secret will be safe with me even after I die ( and I love them for EXACTLY who they are). I have several friends who are openly homosexual and I preach the word of God to them. I even have one requesting that I explain to her what “touch and agree” means because I say it around her so much. And I have a homosexual friend who revealed to me their HIV status…I didn’t shy away from them, I didnt think…”that’s what you get”, no… I loved them even more. And I laugh, joke, and talk about God with them whenever I can. I actually have some deep conversations about God with this individual. So yeh… the gays know the Holy Trinity as well… they just don’t always feel accepted by those claiming to be “His” people. You see, I don’t think that its my place to cast the first stone, but it is my place to say, come into God’s house, listen to his word and He will work on you in His time. I love all of my brothers and sisters, straight, not so straight, and flat out crooked. I think that is what I am supposed to do.

        A homosexual engaging in homosexual acts may not directly or indirectly kill me. But a straight man who came to church to hear a word about how God will make a way out of no way but instead hears about the persecution of the gays who then leaves and holds my bank hostage while i’m trying to pull out rent money….just might. No one sin is greater than another. Shouting “no homo” is not only stupid, but saying that you are not the same…when in fact you are. You too are human, you too are a sinner looking to be saved, and you too are praying that one day you will get into heaven despite your faults. So much like weight, who a homosexual loves just happens to be a visual habit that many feel they can pick on while keeping their own personal habits in the closet.

        This is not a rant to say that “Christians” are wrong and homosexuals are right. Just like I am entitled to my opinion, you are more than welcome to be bigoted by yours. *smirk* I just know that I can wake up with my conscience free every morning knowing that I am not hating someone or a sect of persons just because someone standing before me says that I should. God hasn’t spoken that chapter of the Bible to me yet.

        All jokes aside, I don’t believe everything that I read because many a man has had their say so in what I read before my eyes ever set sail across the page. But I do believe that God exists and my relationship with him is one of understanding and love. I am comfortable in that and will not let anyone else’s interpretation of how my Father and I behave taint my relationship with Him or how He chooses to shine through me. Again, you “christian” your way and I will “christian” my way..yes, I made it a verb. lol. It shouldn’t be that way, but as it stands….this is peaceful. Now…back to the gays…..

        Being a homosexual, to me, isn’t a crime……hate my theory all you want, I will not change. I say this… premarital sex isn’t favored upon….lets hold everyone to that standard no matter what your preference. Because I would hate for someone to not get saved and know God like I am still getting to know him just because they chose to love differently than myself. I have faith that God can work miracles and if GOD chooses to keep them homosexual…then that is between God and that person. I must uphold the love, grace, and mercy that has been shown to me and display it to others who come in my presence. I’m not a homosexual, nor am I heterosexual,;I am the understanding. I understand what it feels like to want someone to hear you out. I also know what it feels like to hear God telling me what to do, not tainted in my mission and do it in spite of. I also know that God would want me to love far more than he would ever want me to hate. And if I am wrong in that assumption, He’ll deal with me on my Judgement Day. Until then… all humans are alright with me. None of us are 100 % right nor know all of the answers, but I will definitely love you until we find a conclusion or one of us dies. And if these men don’t start acting right I just might cash in my lesbian on paper membership to a full fledge flag waving VIP member… DON’T PUSH ME!!! No hetero.

P.S. If you like this topic, check out my other topic: 200 Men Said…. “Same”phobic Homosapiens <~Click Here

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

It Takes a Village to Protect Your @$$

A Village would have raised this baby right...lol

 

        I’ll never forget the day that I was watching Blue Print on BET, Nelly was on the couch looking as delicious as always, but it would be what he said next that would wake up my understanding of “it takes a village.” When asked how does Nelly feel about the backlash he receives from the Tip Drill video since he is supposed to be a role model, Nelly replied [paraphrased]:  

“My children have never seen, nor heard Tip Drill in my house, or at all…and I made the video/song. What that tells me is that you are unable to filter what your children watch and listen to and point the blame at me when they are subjected to such material. It starts at home first.”  

        Bam! There it was, a slap in the face to all parents for sucking at Millenium Parenting 101.  A celebrity basically told you that somewhere in his busy schedule of not always being in the same household, yet alone the same country, as his children he has managed to still find time to parent them “correctly”. So what is your excuse? So what if you have 3 jobs and sleep while your kids do homework. So what if you see your kids only on the weekend. So what if your baby’s daddy/mama is bugging this week. A celebrity is telling you that YOU were not the proper role model in your household so your children turned to him, and that is NOT his fault because the only children he is concerned about is his own when it comes to setting the proper example…well not exactly, but you catch my drift.  

        Picture this, teens and parents alike are idolizing the images that they see these celebrities, particularly rappers, portray on their televisions daily without ever taking into consideration that these are false replicas of their home lives. Snoop raps about sleeping with several women, crip walking, always high, etc. When in reality, his own kids are in extra curricular activities. He makes sure that they have positive outlets to keep them out of the same negative influences that he had growing up. OutKast makes jokes about getting married and remembering what “a pimp taught you”, while Big Boi has a lovely home life that he keeps very much to himself so that the outside world can’t taint it. David Banner has a DOCTORATE degree that will never find its way up into his music because it doesn’t sell records, and Diddy probably will never rap about how he keeps making millions without a single consecutive album on the charts. This is a clear disconnect in the village’s line of communication.  

        Let me use Nelly’s daughter as an example ( and I do so with the utmost respect and purely for demonstration purposes). Let’s say Nelly protects only his daughter from Tip Drill, but here is this other child at home watching Tip Drill because it was made available to him since his parents aren’t as strict as Nelly. As time passes, both children will grow up and , for the sake of this demonstration, will meet and fall in love. This young gentleman is a fan of Nelly’s and wishes to impress him whenever in his presence, but behind closed doors he believes in the Tip Drill theory and has enough influence over his daughter to make her the next Tip Drill Vixen, because Daddy isn’t her main focus any more. Can anyone say Montana Fishburne? Or what about the kids who were featured on T.I’s television show? He told these kids that he was a changed man, there was a better way of handling things…and then turns around and gets arrested on some drug charges (allegedly…*side eye*). To a kid who looks up to him that sends a mixed message, but should he look up to T.I.? Or should he look up to the single mother at home struggling to keep up with her other 3 children while this teen is refusing to follow house rules? This same teen could one day grow up to be the thug that he thinks T.I. to be ( since T.I. doesn’t always stick to his word…allegedly) and be the very thug that robs T.I.’s son of a chain, or start a fight in a club deja vu style….catch my drift?  

        The theory of “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child” still stands true, but the meaning has somewhat gotten lost in its translation from an African Proverb to an Urban Legend. Parents, becoming an active part of the village shields your child in the future. You will have had a hand in raising the child next door, possibly preventing them from obtaining psycho killer habits because they knew that someone was there to care for them. Grandmothers down the street with readily available switches will remind them that their best behavior is to be expected at all times. Strangers pinching will be the extra pair of eyes in the back of your head for the mannish male attempting to sneak a peek or a feel at your daughter’s rear end. The theory is rather narcissistic, actually. It is all about gaining control of the elements around you to better protect you and your family. You can’t be in fighting stance and expect to win if you don’t know that your opponent is already suited up and standing outside your door. Now that I think about it…. it takes a Village to keep you from getting your ass whooped…lol. But I digress. Speaking up to tell the kids on metro platforms to behave, if only temporary, will indirectly cut down on the metro cops profiling you when having innocent fun with your friends after a night on the town. It is all rather cyclical…..  

        I’ve been and continue to be a spoke on this village’s wheel. In true Forrest Gump Fashion, ” if you lean on my back and I lean on your back, that way we wont have to sleep in the mud.” Drop your pride, MOTHERS, no one is saying that you are a bad mother and that you don’t know how to raise your kids….unless they truly are saying you’re a bad mother and don’t know how to raise your kids…lol. But accept the extra set of healthy eyes, the extra set of helping hands…..it will all work out fine in the morning. Maybe we can return to the days when we slept with doors unlocked because we know that out neighbors are watching out for us just as we are watching out for them. Maybe we will feel safer to send our children down the street because every door step will view and guide the path of our child while in our absence….maybe, just maybe…… a Villager can dream, cant I? 

Sincerely, 

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~