I AM Tootsie: A Reaction to Dustin Hoffman’s Prep Work

 

Searching Facebook in the middle of a work day will lead you to some very interesting things. Some of these things catch your attention, tug at your heart-strings, make you go “Finally, someone knows how I feel!”, or think “Now, how can I get others to understand as well?”  Those moments are rare, but I had to share a post that I saw in my news feed today.

The post was of Dustin Hoffman speaking about his prep work for the movie “Tootsie“.  I simply loved that movie growing up. It is a staple for an 80’s baby to have watched this movie. Especially the soap opera scenes. lol. Or the transformation scenes from man to woman. lol. But I never knew that Dustin did this particular prep work. Now that I know, it makes me respect the movie even more. It makes me understand why I love that movie and connected to it so well. The scene of Tootsie (Dorothy Michaels) in bed having a girls night, or Tootsie shaving her 5 o’clock shadow, or the big glasses and curly hair; they all made me believe she was who she was when he was her.

Valentine’s Day Randomness

As Valentine Eve crept slowly upon me, I was faced with a few relationship revelations that I just couldn’t keep to myself. Now, to be bluntly honest with you, I have NEVER in my years on this earth had a Valentine, and the last time someone called me their girlfriend we had a cool white president who rocked a saxophone. So, all of this is coming from a slightly pessimistic place, yet realistic in its void of fantasy. Humor me, will ya?

This Valentine’s Day I got up this morning and I asked God if He would be my Valentine. He accepted. I felt empowered. I know that everything that follows this is going to sound like a session at a Lonely R’ Us Anonymous meeting, but it is very real to me this morning.

I am a loving person. I love to hug, I love to laugh, I love to cater to, and I love to make people feel loved. That is who I am. I didn’t come from that and so I crave it. I believe that you have to become what it is that you want and one day, maybe, you will get back what it is that you give. I like hard, I love hard, and I hurt twice as bad, but something inside me keeps praying that one day, just one day…..some guy is going to see what it is that I do and allow me to be me. I won’t have to explain myself, I won’t be put on the back burner, I won’t be interrupted, I won’t be told to pump my breaks when all I was doing was showing attention…. I will get to love just the way I want to show love.

All jokes aside, I can tell when a guy doesn’t think that he is worthy of the love and attention that he is getting.

A “Loc” on Intimacy

        

         “I WISH A NEGRO WOULD TOUCH MY HAIR AFTER I GOT IT DONE! “ is heard being yelled from a gaggle of African-American females at a brunch. “He better go get a white girl for that” is the follow-up by the freshly done, mohawked co-signer giving cliché snaps and hi-fives in my imaginary scenario. Yet, imaginary or not….at least ONE African-American sister reading this nodded her head in agreement at the reality of such statements before reaching the sentence about it being a made up scenario. We live here. Somewhere between I Wish A Nigga Would Blvd and Madame CJ Walker Ave where it has become okay for our crown and glory to remain nothing more than a show piece head-dress to be paraded in front of our kings like an artifact in a museum; on display but not to be touched. How’d we get here?

        Did we get to this point from the hours upon hours of sitting next to the stove in the kitchen smelling dinner cook as your mom threatened to burn your neck if you didn’t lean your head all the way to the side as Blue Magic sizzled in your ear? Or was it the reoccurring echo of your mother yelling, “Dont let anyone play in your hair while you are at school” that has somehow follow you into adulthood, long after the threat of lice were gone?  Or was it the old wives tales that your hair carries energy and not just anyone should be playing in your hair like it is recess? Whatever the case may be, if your man is good enough to play all up and through your candy land….why can’t he play in your naps? It sounds so silly once I put it that way doesn’t it? You can sleep with me, but don’t touch my hair. I mean, if we told inner city girls that they needed to care for their bush as much as they do their…well..bush, we may have more virgins in the world and cut down on the world population. Why can a man have sex with us… but can’t touch our hair? Strange…..very , very , strange.

        Knowing the Black woman better than she knows herself ( yes, I’m black), I know for a fact that no matter how liberal she may think that she is… she would rather vote Palin in office with Bush as her VP and McCain as Secretary of Defense before she would ever want to see a Black man with a White woman. It is fact. Even the liberal ones cringe at first sight, evaluate a flaw in her, compare it to the flaw in him and then become okay with it. It’s because we wonder…..what in the hell does she have to make him cross melanin lines and date outside of the cotton field. It is not racial. It is a direct example of confusion between Black males and females personified and in the flesh and we are left to face it.  When not in “mixed company” we share derogatory statements like nigger jokes at a country club amongst ourselves about how the White woman will do the stuff that we wont do , never seeing it as a negative for us but rather a negative for her. This isn’t intended to be racial as it is informative. Its Lisa Lamponelli , Carlos Mencia, Paul Mooney and Richard Prior on stage being copy/pasted into the privacy of our own homes. They say what we think…and even reveal what we have yet to understand.

        I’m not a freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I often wonder what do people get out of the whole “pull my hair” segment of sex, I mean who does that? If this were a question on Jeopardy the answer would be “What is Shit that White people do?”. I’m tender headed. I don’t like to comb my hair when I HAVE to yet alone allow a guy to grip and cause alopecia traction baldness in a heat of passion. So what do people get out of that? I am soooooo serious when I ask this question. Outside of kinky violence, I can’t see much else being received from it. Or can I?… Nope, I can’t. But I do have a serious question to ask, a few actually.

        Black ladies…..do you think that we lose a huge portion of our intimacy with our Black men because we often refuse to let them touch our hair? I mean… think about it. To a guy, touching your hair is a subtle way of him sending you a signal that he is feeling you. Swimming or sexual encounters in bodies of water or the shower is on the top of many men’s fantasy lists; seen Baywatch Lately? Men go crazy as a woman does a slow walk out of the water and pushes her hair out of her face. The slow hair blow as a woman gets out of the car was designed by a man, for a man as a way to seduce him via Yaky 1b natural. Yet, ladies…. most of us do not partake in any of these activities. I don’t care if a woman is natural or creamy cracked out…. several will not let her man touch her hair. WE have built up this impermeable wall of Pink Oil Moisturizer and Jam that most black men have learned before they were able to pee directly into the bowl that they do not touch a black woman’s hair. We have unconsciously trained our future kings that they can touch everything on his future queen’s body but her crown. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

       I mentioned this to my big brother on Sunday, and I promise you that if he had wings he would have jumped off the sofa in agreement and flown away. For a moment it looked as if he had caught the Holy Ghost, but it was just frustration releasing. He wasnt even paying attention to my side conversation with his wife…. but I ‘ll be damned if he wasnt fully listening now! lol. I wish I had recorded it just so that women could see the amount of energy and excitement he expressed to finally have a black women expressing his same sentiments. He said, “I would even go as far as to say that THIS (not touching a black woman’s hair) is why SOME black men date outside of the race.” There you have it… straight from the horse’s mouth! Ladies, here you have a black man telling you that he could understand why a black man would date outside of his race….just to feel someone’s hair/scalp… than to stick around and not be able to express his silent form of affection to you. I’ve even posted this question on Twitter and got blocked from tweeting because I ran out of my daily allotted tweets by responding to the sea of guys who said that they wished they could touch their girl’s hair/head. I posted it again today and will see what happens.

        So in closing, Black women… we’ve got to do better when it comes to allowing our kings to touch our hair. Maybe let him touch it for the few days leading up to a retouch, or right after you get it washed. Maybe this is the connection that we need to re-establish in order to allow intimacy to flow from a natural place, unrestricted by social taboos and norms. Maybe, and just maybe this will cause Mr. Lynch to shake in his grave if we can get one woman to allow her man to run his fingers through her hair. Would it hurt us to share this portion of ourselves? Would it kill us to open of a gateway to intimacy that hasn’t been there since the invention of a hot comb? Can we learn that there are things far more important than our hair? I hope so……your relationship is counting on it. And I am not asking you to let everyone touch your hair… just your man. SO yes, if the complete stranger (white woman) standing behind you at the Reagan National Airport decides amongst her friends that you have beautiful hair and decides to reach out and run her fingers through your hair…..(This happened to me)…..just breathe before you commit a felony. Everyone is not as restrictive as we are about our hair….and this is the day that you may need to examine why. It is my suggestion that we ask ourselves if this is the cause of why black love has a “loc” on intimacy.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

A Daddy’s Girl and Her Man

   

     Okay, so a stream of entries are coming from conversations that I had with a few of my friends over the Columbus Rediscovering America Day weekend. The topics that pop up are always about male/female relationships and I think several people walk away with a different persepctive….even the guy who’s relationship we think we broke up because we told him his girl was using him….lol. But it had to be true because any time you can get any group of women to come to a 100% agreement on anything, it has to have been an exercise of divine intervention.

        One topic that popped up was that of me being a Daddy’s girl, and I am. After hanging up the phone with my mother during the brunch someone called me a Mama’s girl and I said, no….actually I am very much a Daddy’s girl. Now before you get confused, those who have read my blog faithfully know for a fact that my biological father is not the point of this entry. God blessed me with two wonderful godparents who are the best godparents that anyone could ask for. So…the Daddy that I am referring to is my godfather, but he is very much my father. When I have traveled to see him in Minnesota, you can find my dad and I out and about town cracking jokes, having fun, and he even lets me drive his car…. and my daddy doesn’t play about his cars! Late nights I was in the garage handing him tools as he worked on cars or helping him drill pilot holes into the wood he was using to build a trailer. Yes, I am very much a Daddy’s Girl and proud of it.

        But much to my surprise, all of the guys at the table rolled their eyes and barked at how being a daddy’s girl is far worse than being a mama’s girl because, as her man, he must now compete with the father. First off…. my name is NOT Oedipus. Secondly, that’s just gross. Thirdly, I don’t live in any of the cross-breeding states. Fourthly, I am not an English Royal in the 1700s. And lastly, I hear you…. but I don’t agree with you.

        The guys ganged up on me when I said that yes, there are things that my daddy will always do just the way that I like it. Why did I say that? One of them told me to listen to what he heard when I made that comment. He said that he heard “Yes, I’ll let you cut the grass but my daddy cuts it better.”  Or, “You can pick the restaurant but my daddy knows how to cook my favorite meal better.” I then had to break it down that , in my situation, my daddy is a very wise individual and I didn’t mean it that way.

        My dad is just that….my dad. He is also a wise individual who is quick to put me up on game for the things guys will do, and he will also put me in check when I play games that females play. My dad made it very clear that everyone will not love like him. My dad is a very affectionate, hugging, loving, and communicating kind of father. Every man is not going to fit into that bill. I remember when he and my mom gave me the book “How to Love a Black Man” and told me to read it carefully…. I still own a copy til this day. It helped me understand that even though my daddy communicates with me the best, I need to know how other men communicate as well. Just because my daddy does things the way I like doesn’t make it better, and just because my man has yet to learn doesn’t make it worse, it just makes it different. Being a daddy’s girl with a brilliant daddy helped prepare me for reality and not a fantasy. My man will love differently and if I in turn love him back then the way he loves me is perfect. I don’t try to measure anyone’s love to my dad’s… they could never reach….because they are two separate kinds of love. So I don’t even try to compare. Whomever I’m dating gets measured on his own scale and I cherish each moment, I learn through each moment, and I love him for each moment that he shows me how he loves , through his way, and in his time. There is nothing wrong with that.

        A true daddy’s girl SHOULD know how a man works, his mood, how he will or wont communicate things well, but how he means well all in the same breath. She should know that men could care less about the latest fashions and will never know the difference between pearl and off-white. And she should also know that I love you may never be said out loud, but that a kiss on the forehead, a pat on the back, the sharing of the last bite, and his undying willingness to protect you at all times should suffice in case of emergency or a moment of questioning if you are loved. The things that I learned from my father I have taken with me into relationships. I don’t cook meat in my dad’s vegetarian cookware, I don’t punch the accelerator above 2 in his E Class, I let him go on some very LOOOOOOOONG winded conversations that make my eyes roll in the back of my head but come to appreciate later in a time of need, and when he says he needs a minute….I walk away, but knowing all the while that this is my dad’s temperament and he loves me just the same. My man gets the same courtesy. I am able to separate the two…my dad has my mom to love him in that manner. And did I mention that my name is not Oedipus? So you see, all daddy’s girls aren’t bad…especially if you have an amazing Dad to begin with.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter…..but My Dad’s Girl*~

Deep Kamasutra: #2 Flirt Limits

Welcome back….. I see that you just cant get enough of us. Trust me, we cant either! lol

Our second question of the series comes from another Twitter follower who asks:

“Where do you draw the line with flirting?”

Ooooh, pick me! Pick me!!! I know the answer to this one!!!

BREAK!

        Okay, much like anything in life… there is not a steadfast rule for this one. I can’t tell if you are asking as a single person or as a person in a relationship….I cant even remember if you are male or female…so I will treat this question as if you are a shemale in an open relationship. Deal? Deal.

        No matter your gender, you first have to check in with your insecurities. If your insecurities are not in check, nothing that will follow will make any sense and will not prove productive. If you think you are ugly, then you are. If you think you are fat, then you are. Dont get mad at me.. you said it first….to yourself. Once you have all in order and your confidence is raised in market value… then you can begin to assess your true limitations. If you know that you are the shit then your man or woman can flirt for days and that nonsense wont even bother you.

        Ladies, it is not a sign of disrespect, most men play this childish ass game just to see how far they can push you, make you jealous, and come up out the pocket to fulfill their fantasy of girl-on-girl fighting action. Dont feed into it. Let his actions starve to death in diuretic challenge between Ashley Olsen and the old Courtney Love. Men love confidence, but they hate nothing more than to feel that a woman can do without them. I think they were created to battle for our attention. But I digress. Getting upset while he tries out his latest moves on some chickenhead will only show your hand and cause you to renig on the strong and independent woman that he fell for in the first place. Let him flirt, then you smile on the inside at the Joker, Joker and throw up the Duece, Duece at his sorry attempt to make you come up out the pocket. But all bets are off if he turns things sensual and/or sexual. BEAT A NEGRO’S ASS like he turned Republican and tried to bring Jeb Bush into the White House. So, for women in relationships.. you have to set the standards of what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship early on. Have a talk about it logically and NOT emotionally. Once the rules are in place that work for you both then and ONLY then do you have the right to be upset.  After that, DO YOU BOO, flirt until you pass out, in your own bed, alone, without the aid of date rape drugs. Flirting for us can be a game as well, guys don’t know that majority of the time we just want their attention for the moment. Draw the lines at anything sensual…because sensual to a guy equates to sexual. I have no clue why God missed that programming chip in their design, but it is what it is. If you don’t want him to touch you, kiss you, pull you close, or sleep with you… DUH! Dont do it to him. Done!   

        Fellas, when your girl starts to flirt…. that is a dead ass sign that someone, OKAY YOU!!!!, are not handling business at home. Women are loyal by nature (okay we do have a few model defects ie. Hoochies, hoes, hood rats, ya mama…etc) and it takes a lot for us to take our eyes of the one object of our affection. This is where you need not get mad, but reevaluate your home situation and actually listen to what it is that she is telling you she needs. But be aware that females have levels of flirting. Sometimes she just wants to feel pretty, wants to have a guy tell her that whoever has her is a lucky man….you know, the things you should be telling her. But once a woman flirts and comes home and doesn’t communicate with you, trust me, you need to call your mama and tell her to dust off your old bunk bed because you have already lost your placement in that relationship and in the happy home. And while you flirt, keep in mind that you shouldnt do anything that you wouldn’t want your woman to do. And since the male ego is often times more fragile than a woman’s….you’ll do far less than she would..lol.

        In conclusion, I say all flirting is healthy if you are not married. The world is full of people who will entice us, and yes, a little self-control is needed but flirting is healthy for self-image. So, set up the rules of safety if you are single, and set up rules of engagement if you are in a relationship and everyone should have nothing to fight about. And scene.

~2Deep

The woman has spoken. Man…..what sayest thou?

 

        I swear I have been wanting to answer a question like this for quite a bit of time. Had you asked me three years ago about flirting, I would have said, “Don’t hate the playa, hate the game, son.” People get older, people get wiser, and the ish just got real in here! It’s about to go down!

         It was all good just a week ago, when you met that girl and y’all kicked it and everything was wonderful. She was into you and you were into her, but where did everything go wrong, huh (Juvenile voice in his Cash Money days)! Flirting is only bad in two instances; the first one is when you are in a committed relationship and you going hard in the paint like your name is (Insert First Name) Flocka Flame. Why you flirting and you committed man? Same goes to her lil fine butt? The other instance is when one person has more feelings than the other. This problem is not even really a problem—you need to check yo self before you wreck yo self fool! She OR he can do whatever they please, you’re nobodies’ parents out this joint. I used to have problems with that flirting ish, me doing it and seeing my potential mate do it. But YO! I’m a man (Muddy Waters voice)! No reason to sit around with that jealousy trait, that’s female ish! Don’t sit around feeling bad for yourself, swipe that dirt off your shoulders.

        In all reality though, I am indifferent about this topic, the man in me says flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt. Its natural, keep your skills honed because women are finicky man! They tend to straddle the fence and you don’t even know they are doing so. Until they say those dreaded words, “We need to talk…” You’re prolly screaming inside, “Fuuuuuucccckkkkk.” So now your relationship is over, you’ve just been thrown to the wolves and yo ass forgot how to hunt! You’re going to go without eating for at least a few months, but that’s not even the end all be all. You’re not going to eat GOODT for at least another few months. But then, you got your SCHWAGGG back and now, you’re eating good! Enjoying the fruit of your labor! That makes me say flirt all you want, just make sure you, throw the numbers away, don’t be an infidel, and keep your woman’s sixth sense in mind.

        Now for what I do, I get hit on EVERYDAY but hunting for me is like riding a bike, I’m never going to forget. So, I shut chicken heads down! “Nawh, I’m dating someone, I’m good,” is my response—I don’t know if she does that, but I am only speaking for myself. I shut them down down down (Drake voice). If anybody is going to mess up, it’s going to be on my own merit and not because I was being an infidel! She’s not gonna hate on the kid because he was running around town with three or four women trying to be Bill Bellamy in “How to be a Player.” I devote all my attention to one woman, the woman I am talking to…does she deserve it? I think yes, but you have to know that feelings change and people do as well, they just forget to tell the person they are talking to. Keep your flirting limited and at all possible, don’t even do it at all. Why tempt yourself into getting that “strange?” Strange is defined as unknown pussy and/or but not limited to head from the female counterpart that you just met.

         This message was finance by Deep Kamasutra and I, Kamasutra endorse this message! If you have anymore questions (two barks) get at me dawg! (DMX voice)

~Kamasutra

VERDICT: IF YOU ARE SINGLE… FLIRT & MINGLE *bangs gavel*

Sincerely,

~Deep & Kamasutra~

Deep Kamasutra: “Orally Speaking”

Welcome to the new series called “Deep Kamasutra” featuring advice giving to you from myself, 2Deep, and my homeboy Kamasutra. I guarantee you that this will be blunt advice unlike anything that you have ever read before. He and I are two very blunt individuals…..so if you don’t want the truth DO NOT READ ANY BLOG ENTRIES FROM THIS SERIES!!! lol.  So…lets get this party started.

Our first question for the start-up of this series comes from a Twitter follower, who happens to be a black male, and he asks:

“Why is it that black women do not EASILY engage in oral sex, or engage in the act as much as other races?”

 

Kamasutra, what are your thoughts, sir?

        It’s Kamasutra on the ones and twos. I have had a lot of experience in the field of women. And I will tell you this, the freakiest woman in the world, at some point, will evolve into someone who cares about her image and doesn’t want her business put out there in the streets. Now with that said, I believe that the black race has been so mind fucked that the whole situation of black love and dating is fugazi (that’s military lingo for fucked up)! On to your question, from my experiences with various races of women, the stigma for giving “head,” sucking dick, giving brains, and ultimately fellatio all comes down to three things: desiring to please her man by any means necessary, the stigma in the community for what that actually involves, and the last one is just plain what her mother told her, bro.

         I’m not going to even try to make this eloquent or technical, I am just going to keep it real! Getting your dick sucked is arguably one of the best feelings in the world, so who wouldn’t want to experience that feeling? Black women don’t come up off the goods easily because their mothers tell them that its nasty and no self-respecting woman would take her mouth and open it up and allow a man to slide his dirty dick in between her lips. What she didn’t tell her daughter is that she was breaking daddy off with the bomb ass head last night and many of her former boyfriends before daddy was even in the picture! In our community, dick sucking is scandalous and derogatory and no woman wants to have that as her reputation. Honestly, black men talk too damn much and that is real, certified talk. They tell their friends and their friends tell their friends and then ultimately someone tries to get that “fire dome” from her and now the reputation precedes her. And oh man, don’t let her turn him down, he will shred her image to pieces trying to salvage what little manhood he has left from picking his face up off the ground—all because she said no. It’s a defense mechanism my dude! They give head but most of them enjoy the act, but they are not going to divulge that information to you!

          You ever heard the saying, “A woman will fake an orgasm to save a relationship, but a man will fake a relationship just to get an orgasm.” That’s real and women know it, so a woman isn’t going to give you something she feels like, for one, he isn’t even my man and, two, he is going to go runteldat! It’s all an image thing!

 ~Kamasutra

Wow! Okay. It’s always interesting to see what guys think about a subject. Now, ladies…. its my turn.For starters, I plead the 5th on my own personal experience….I am merely discussing the topic. Now that we’ve got that out of the way…lol .

        

         As I got older, I had an ex call me and ask for my permission to tell his current girlfriend that he and I had sex,and if I had disagreed I would have been omitted out of his confession…..that makes a woman feel safe, that makes a woman keep a man on her radar, that could make a woman drop to one or two knees to show you how much she appreciates you for your thoughtfulness. And now that my professional career has reached, and continues to reach, new heights I search for guys who like to keep their life just as private as I like to keep mine. Yes, I tell a lot about myself but there are things that will never be broadcasted, like if I have sex, when I have sex…and what is included in the sexual package.  And just because I have a tongue ring, doesn’t mean that I got it to play “head” games, or that you will ever get to experience it. The ones who get the most excited are the ones who wont get anything from a female. It is the laid back brothers ( or at least the ones who can fake until they make it) who make those females who engage in giving head feel like their secret is safe. So, trying to impress your boys could actually decrease the actions that you so desire.

        If it were up to my grandmother, all actions are a go! She was very open and honest with me about sex, so I never got the speech about how giving head could cause you cancer. lol. In my house, the only rule of thumb was don’t get pregnant. With all of the openness that surrounded me there wasnt much of a mystery surrounding sex that made me want to rush out and dabble in it, and that very openness kept me a virgin until I was twenty. In high school just about every guy in my school was trying to holler at me all because I was unobtainable, and I liked it that way. But the very same lure that they wanted me for was the very same lure that kept me a virgin; there were no rumors of a past triste floating around about what I had done. Yet, I am sure you will find a female out there who is less timid than myself. Like my high school best friend use to say, “Dick doesn’t have a face.” So why don’t you ask her to take my place…lol. Or this chick… she seems ready for the job:

        LMBO!!!! All jokes aside, my homegirl brings up an interesting point when she says, “If its clean, I suck. If he’s been tested, I swallow.” lmbo!  Blunt, yet so very honest. As a woman, you have to protect yourself from viruses, and going down on a guy puts us at risk. Point, blank, period. We hear, and experience, the actions of the Down Low brothers, and unless you stop complaining about receiving oral pleasure while wearing a condom….I guess you will have to wait til you are married. The very actions of guys actually scares women off from feeling comfortable. Because it doesn’t make me feel comfortable knowing that 30% of males don’t think that getting “head” is considered having sex. And 100% of that 30% do NOT use oral condoms when receiving “head” which means that the opportunity for viruses to be transmitted raises through each action….and then he expects me to turn around and follow suit? Ummm…come again?  So, no amount of social stigma can compete with the hard facts of a male’s sexual prowess and the risky activities that go along with those actions.

        As a female, I have to agree with Kamasutra on the topic of reputation and self-respect. Fellas, you all do talk far too much and end up setting fire to the very bridge that a girl may have crossed in order to give you such pleasure. No girl wants to be known as the local hoe. She wants to be considered as a lady at all times, no matter her actions, and you spreading the word actually kills that image. Also, having the pressure of a guy’s expectation actually kills the mood.Just like you don’t want a woman who you’ve been with for a month to expect you to marry her, I don’t want a guy who I have only been dating for a month to expect that he should get some head out of the deal. It can’t be a double standard. Besides, why would you want a woman to easily give you anything….she could just as easily pass you a disease. Now, as a respectable woman, if I ever decide to engage in such an intimate act with a man, you can be guaranteed that he got that act because my heart was into the action and not just because it is expected of me. I guess only doing this with your husband would solve this issue. So in conclusion, just like every female hasnt earned the right for him to “put a ring on it”, every male hasnt earned the right for me to put my lips on it. Same thang! End of story.

~2Deep

 

So, i guess it boils down to the standards of the people engaging in such actions. If a guy knew that for SOME woman it is a sign of affection and if they appreciated it by keeping their damn mouths shut…they just may get it more often. But on the flip side, if girls understood that guys don’t think like us and are more apt to spreading the news, they wouldn’t be so swift in engaging in an action that would ruin your reputation. I think that it would be safe to say that this one will be a stalemate. Fellas, I’m sure you will find a female who will help you out, and ladies….I think it is up to you as to whether you want to take that risk or not.

Verdict: Hung Jury

Sincerely,

~Deep & Kamasutra~

P.S. If you liked this series and wish to see it continue, leave questions below in the comment section and it could show up in the next blog.  Follow Kamasutra’s blog by CLICKING HERE!

Follow us on Twitter:

2Deep: @_2Deep_

Kamasutra: @Yo_STFU_ImTalkn

Advice from the Other Woman

WARNING: SUPER LONG BLOG, BUT HONEST & INSIGHTFUL!!!!

       Ignorance is bliss. It is also the gateway for you to get Punk’d. For Ashton, prior to allegations of his cheating on Demi, and his entire camera crew to walk right into your relationship and rob you of any stability that you once thought you had. Except for this time, Ashton is dressed in 4 inch heels, rocking a Prada dress so short she could catch pneumonia in her good-goods, while sexting the person you said “I love you” to 5 minutes ago or “I do” to 24 hours ago…and her name is Ashley, or Kendra, or Stephony, Latrell, Keisha, Tanisha, Tabitha, a low-life hoe named Angel, Bootasia…..etc. You catch my drift. For this blog, the aforementioned home wreckers shall be called OWs (Other Women). All OWs are assumed innocent until proven hoochies.

        The odds of your man cheating on you are about as high of a possibility as him enjoying  himself as he “exfoiliates” his genital region in the shower each morning.  With such a high possibility, the probability of this happening lowers by the set of morals that your man has, how many fugly women are in your community, and how ugly your man is to the beautiful women in the community. The stakes are raised,however, by the number of desperate women there are, your man’s income (despite how unattractive he is), and any rumors that may be in circulation about his sexual accomplishments. Since the latter scenario is higher than the prior…toss in a bitter black woman &, honey….. your man might cheat.

        But what is cheating to you? To the insecure broad, cheating could be him turning his head in the direction of a beautiful woman as she sashays by her man in the mall. To the “I don’t need a man, but be happy that I chose you” woman, cheating may be him assisting a woman with her grocery bags to the car…I mean after all, his hands were free since his woman chose to do it all herself. To the average woman, cheating could be him sharing himself emotionally with another female, showing a side of himself that he has never shown to her. But to every woman….cheating also means any form of sexual contact or interaction with a woman other than the one who claims you ( on or off the record). Wow…. each scenario is like Melanie’s & Derwin’s entire relationship on The Game.

Note to the fellas: If we slept together…. we go together!

My advice to all of the above are as follows:

1. Dear Insecure Broad, what the hell is wrong with you? She is beautiful, yes. But the turning of your man’s head does NOT, I repeat to the self-esteem challenged, does NOT equate to infidelity. It lets you know that all of your man’s man parts are working. And if you thought she was cute, and he thought she was cute too, then damn… y’all agree on something. Which means, if you think that you are cute + she was cute + he thought she was cute then that may = him thinking that you are cute too. Instead of jumping on the dude and starting to count his condoms ( please tell me you use condoms!!!) take this as an opportunity to eavesdrop on what it is that catches your man’s attention. But do NOT take this as an opportunity to alter your physical or personal style to match, just take inventory, and store it for that special moment; almost like a treat. Of course, there is an exception, if your guy turns his head and forgets to turn it back in your direction… then you have reason to think that he is disrespectful, but until then… chill like Jada does when Will checks out beautiful women. She’s not trippin…because he isn’t going ANYWHERE!

   Dear Next Millenium Bionic Woman, why are you even with a man if there is nothing that he can do for you? There is a thin line in being independent and competent and being borderline butch. Unless your name is Craig and his is Earl, there is only ONE penis in this relationship…allow his to hang, have some breathing room to sway, and do what it is that he was designed to do.  Yes, men should love strong women…I get that, but if you are too strong they may be tempted to check for an Adam’s apple or flee. Just chill….you and I both know that women can do any and everything that we want to do, the catch is to not let HIM know that, or remind him all the damn time. This will definitely turn a seemingly innocent act of chivalry ( assisting with groceries) into a weekly rendezvous in the produce aisle. Your man assisting another woman should get you hot… not hot-headed but…turned on, just because you know that every woman wants a man like yours. Dont be so strong that you assist in giving him a hand in jumping over the fence to greener pastures, nor get so laid-back that you turn in to chick from #1. Think…. Charlize Theron in Hancock!

   Dear Average Woman, Men are not emotional creatures…….to us. They cry in the dark and throw their feelings into the very same closets that R Kelly hides his midget porn. Get over it. They still have feelings, and just be thankful that he has found a healthy person to share his emotions with. Trust me, I know that it hurts like hell because you want to be there to share everything with him… but as long as she only gives him a shoulder to lean on to express himself, then baby..yeh I’ll say it again….get over it. It doesn’t mean that he is cheating, it just means that you have YET to learn this side of him. There are things you tell your girlfriends that you don’t tell him…. TRUST ME. I know for a fact that you didn’t tell your man your thoughts about the size of the strippers’ worthy of mentioning unmentionables from Asia’s bachelorette party. So, as long as he is still communicating with you, just let that be his safe haven until he is on his death-bed and reveals that he absolutely hates your cooking but loves you for the attempt. You mustn’t also forget the billions of times he tried to tell you the truth, you didn’t listen and swore he was lying anyway…. that, too, may be the reason he doesn’t tell you -ish.Just saying…. don’t shoot the OW, learn how to listen.

   Girl…. WHat?! That N!&&@ did what?!!!! Cheated with an OW?!*sharpens Cutco, puts on Vaseline, *Hair in pony tail. Puts on CSI crime scene, able to catch my DNA, approved vest and grabs Lorraina Bobbet Emergency Kit. Next.

       I know for a fact that there are several more scenarios, but I havent gotten to that portion of my therapy sessions yet, so these will have to do.  And I know you are wondering how do I know these things… well… I was once …well… the enemy. Yes, I was once an OW. Much to my defense, not that I need any because I know how to fight… & WELL…. ask about me. Dang, where was I? Oh, yeh…. much to my defense, I didn’t even know that I was the OW ( The Fantasia Defense).  So I learned several tricks of the trade from being on the other side of the fence. If nothing more I learned:

UNLESS THE OW IS A FAMILY MEMBER< BEST FRIEND<THIRD COUSIN TWICE REMOVED BY MARRIAGE ON YOUR PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER’S SIDE……. DONT YOU EVER TAKE YOUR DRAMA TO THE DOORSTEP OF THE OW!!!!!!

       Unless she comes to your doorstep bringing the pain…. you keep within restraining order distance away from her. There are several reasons:

1. You are NOT sleeping with the OW. She didn’t break your heart, break any vows, or directly give you an STD. She may not have even known you existed.

2. Fussing with the OW gets your man off the hook. He learns NOTHING. Actually, he is banking on telling you that she has lost her mind and is just a groupie, and that he told her several times to stop calling him. STOP… wait a minute… how did she even get his number? And “I DONT KNOW” does not suffice as an answer. (Exception to the rule: There are some crazy females out there.. trust in your man , your relationship, and your inner female intuition to see if this number actually applies to you.  If by chance she is crazy, collect $200 for bail money, go past GO & I give you permission to whoop that trick!)

3. Fighting with her makes you come up out the pocket and let both her and him know that you are now hurt. This is war woman, you don’t let the enemy know you are coming. SHUT UP AND PLAY THE WAY BIG MAMA TAUGHT YOU HOW TO PLAY; tight thighs , and even tighter lips with clenched fists.

4. You need to be a big girl and face what is really going on. Beating up some random chick Jerry Springer style will only make you feel better momentarily.

       All of this to say…. you have to think like us. And as a smart OW…I held on to evidence from 2004! Real talk, I have Yahoo! Messenger conversations still on floppy disk….lmbo!!!! There’s nothing like a swift Facebook note containing evidence of something he once said in a playerlistic manner to ruin his whole damn day! lol. Sorry, that got funny as I had a flash back. Keep us close, meaning us OWs. It’s when you can’t see us that we are able to do the most damage. I can say this now as a looooooooong ago reformed OW. It is never my intent to be an OW, but should the situation arise… you respect me and I shall respect you. Hell… I’ll even help you torch the cheating son of biscuit eating bulldog. But it is when you disrespect me ( assuming that I’ve been respectful) that your cards will come crashing down faster than you can get the panties off of Montana Fishburne, My cousin, and Paris Hilton in a panty dropping contest. Believe me, my cousin is FAST, my money is on her!  Again, you ladies would NOT believe the things that your guy tells us, in efforts to make us think that he is single, the marriage isn’t working, you’ve changed, and the list goes on. For example (actual messages below from a guy not too long after he got married. The identity of the stupid has been changed to protect the innocent):

• 4:16:29 PM Stupid Dude###336: i had just looked at your profile before i went to sleep (why is this guy who is married stalking my profile before he went to sleep?)
• 4:24:13 PM Stupid Dude###336: i know I am married and I have a good woman by my side…
  4:24:55 PM Stupid Dude###336: but I had a great woman when I was with you and I miss my great woman
• 4:27:25 PM Stupid Dude###336: i’m happy with what I have here but I always will wonder what if (then if you are happy…. why are you always trying to get me into romantic conversations? I’m not falling for it playa! My game is stronger than yours, besides… I’ve moved on & let you go a long time ago)
• 4:29:06 PM Stupid Dude###336: i understand that you let go
  4:29:16 PM Stupid Dude###336: but dammit it’s not easy to let go
  4:29:27 PM Stupid Dude###336: i try and try but i can’t (well try a little harder buddy…b/c it ant happening here!)

       Yadda yadda yadda. We discuss how he has a history of not really being faithful. How he treats women, and I congratulate him on finally settling down & getting married. The conversation then goes:

• 4:30:17 PM Me: but I applaud [her] for being that woman who finally got you to do it
  4:30:35 PM Stupid Dude###336: she didn’t get me to do it
  4:30:51 PM Me: no, meaning that she loved you to a point where you felt the need to do it
  4:31:13 PM Stupid Dude###336: lol…you don’t understand
• 4:31:33 PM Stupid Dude###336: i felt that I would never get you back… and I…..SETTLED

       Yes, you read correctly. The negro said he settled with his wife. But nothing beats my favorite! My friend told me that a guy once told her that the only reason he married his wife was because he “ran out of rope”! lmao!He was an older gentleman and didn’t want to waste two more years getting into another relationship and he didn’t want to be an old father, so he married his current girlfriend even though he didn’t love her. But I digress. I continue to go on to say how foul he is, this isn’t right, she doesn’t deserve this, the nerve of this nigga [pardon my Ebonics]!!!!! etc.  I mean, did he really think that saying this about his NEW wife was going to make me drop all common sense and take him back? I mean really, if you would say this about your wife….what they hell do you say behind my back about me? But as I said, you would be amazed at what they tell us….continue….

• 4:36:05 PM Stupid Dude###336: So in saying that ,I am glad I settled because it took for me to settle to realize what a good woman I have…
• 4:37:19 PM Stupid Dude###336: I don’t treat her like i used to, i try to do everything [in] my power to show her on a daily basis that I love her, but in the back of my mind I always wonder what if

       So you see, from what I posted, and from what I REFUSE to post…. we hear it all. And this is the PG stuff that I can post. I never wanted him back after seeing how he still treated women, but that didn’t keep him from trying to turn me into an OW. Even if I didn’t know that the other girl existed… I highly doubt that I would have dated this person again. Just something about him rings “lie”. OWs become the other person because the guy feels that he is missing out on something. He gets greedy, or gets scared of commitment and he freaks out and goes in search of an OW. He said everything above, I don’t have the power in me as an OW to make him say this…..much like you don’t have the power to keep him around if he doesn’t want to stay. You have to look out for you…because that is EXACTLY what an OW and your man are doing. Why should you be the only one not being taken care of? But I digress…back to the advice.

        Outside of the obvious, don’t tell your woes to an OW. A reformed OW will tell you to think it out on your own, dig inside your heart and think about what is best for you and your future…. a triffling OW will prompt you to unlock the door so she can help you pack your ish as she cases out how her earring collection will look beautiful on the bedroom dresser. To be honest, I wouldn’t even tell my friends how bad my relationship had gotten unless my husband was OJ, Manson, or George W Bush. There are some things, ladies, that you need to learn to keep to yourself. Because you never know who you could be helping to creep all up and through your situation. An OW doesnt need any additional help, because he’s quick to tell us what it is that you don’t do:

• 5:08:20 PM Stupid Dude###336: i actually sat there last nite and tried to find [what i liked in you ,in her] but y’all are 2 totally different people
  5:08:42 PM Me: you can go play basketball with her, watch sports, go to the club, crack jokes, make nicknames…I don’t do anything special
  5:09:28 PM Stupid Dude###336: she doesn’t play basketball, she doesn’t club, and she doesn’t watch sports for real
  5:10:38 PM Me: I don’t play basketball..I don’t club, and I dont watch sports for real.. you see how much in common we have
  5:11:04 PM Stupid Dude###336: we did all of that…lol
  5:11:30 PM Me: hahahaha… I dont have any basketball skills…lol. that was pretend
  5:11:35 PM Me: I am sure she can do better than me
  5:12:02 PM Stupid Dude###336: that’s not the point…you got out there and you played ball with me

And even faster at telling us how much he dreams about us:

• 5:25:19 PM Stupid Dude###336: we started kissing and you were unbuttoning my shirt and a nigga woke up
  5:25:38 PM Me: lol
  5:25:48 PM Stupid Dude###336: I remember all that cause [wife’s name] said I was moaning in my sleep
  5:25:57 PM Me: wow!!!!!
  5:26:12 PM Me: now watch me get blamed for that mess

       And even when the OW stays in her place, reminds him of what they really are and that nothing more can happen… the man will try reverse psychology:

• 6:27:24 PM Me: any time , friend
  6:27:37 PM Stupid Dude###336: i don’t even want that title
  6:27:46 PM Me: why, friend?
  6:27:55 PM Stupid Dude###336: i come at you like you are doing wrong but you aren’t
  6:28:19 PM Stupid Dude###336: i try to make it seem like all i want is a friend when i know that all I want is you
  6:28:24 PM Stupid Dude###336: by my side
  6:28:31 PM Stupid Dude###336: i’m sorry
  6:28:34 PM Me: friend, I can stand beside you
  6:28:43 PM Stupid Dude###336: stop calling me that
  6:28:49 PM Me: and apology accepted for your confusing yourself
  6:29:12 PM Me: and I will think about [if I will] stop calling you my friend
  6:29:32 PM Me: but i have to say it so I can stay in my place, to stay where I need to be
  6:29:55 PM Stupid Dude###336: well maybe that’s not where you need to be
  6:29:56 PM Me: to remain safe in these dangerous conversations that we keep having, which is so not fair to anyone involved
  6:30:07 PM Stupid Dude###336: true

       And when he saw that  I wasnt budging…. he went back in for the kill. The ” I will tell you how horrible my situation is, even if it really isnt, just so that you can change your mind and do what I want you to do” move. Yes… I call this the “Extra Desperate To Think I’m This Dumb” Tactic:

• 6:45:59 PM    Stupid Dude###336: you have accomplishments…i have a marriage license that don’t mean shit
  6:46:08 PM    Me: why doesnt it mean shit
  6:46:14 PM    Me: it is a marriage license.
  6:46:37 PM    Stupid Dude###336: because the marriage isn’t shit…we don’t do shit for real
  6:46:46 PM    Stupid Dude###336: you have accomplishments i don’t
  6:47:04 PM    Me: I have accomplishments because I refuse to SETTLE!!!!!
  6:47:08 PM    Stupid Dude###336: I won’t be able to have a family
  6:47:17 PM    Stupid Dude###336: just a wife
  6:48:03 PM    Stupid Dude###336: you will have your accomplishments, your husband, and a family…
  6:48:13 PM    Stupid Dude###336: you say you won’t but i believe you will

       Zinger……3 hours later….he just nailed his own coffin….all in hopes of having an OW by his side. He could be lying through his teeth, and very well may have been…..but either way, his words have consequences. I consider this desperate. I know he doesn’t respect his wife…..and he damn sure doesn’t respect me. But this is nothing unusual in the life of an OW. They will stop at NOTHING to try to get us. Some fall for this, the rest of us…. we don’t. But the smart ones keep the evidence for sour, bitter days like today. When you get tired of holding on to someone else’s dirty laundry and you finally decide for them to wash their own emotional shit!

       And I am not innocent in all of this. I said some things here or there that I probably shouldn’t have. But before every conversation was concluded, like this excerpt from another conversation, I let him know how cool I really was with his wife and why nothing could ever go down. Yes,I’m cool with the wife…..dont ask, long story, out of the ordinary, but the girl is mad cool. So I once said to him, (and this is speaking from truth)

• 5:11:21 PM      Me: You would flinch if you knew the number of times that I have plotted to get you away from [wife] and then had to pray for forgiveness because it was only out of jealousy to the fact that she had something that I didnt
  5:11:34 PM    Me: dude… you better be Glad the Lord is always talking to me
  5:11:35 PM    Me: lol
  5:12:05 PM    Stupid Dude###336: You would flinch if you knew the number of times that I have wanted you to get you away from [wife]
  5:12:30 PM    Me: you wanted me to get away from [wife], or you to get away from [wife]?
  5:12:52 PM    Stupid Dude###336: i wanted you
  5:13:26 PM    Me: nah, I wouldn’t flinch… you said it.. the truth of the matter is I didnt believe it because you werent bold nor stupid enough to take measures to follow through with it
  5:13:39 PM    Me: and the funny thing is.. I am too cool with [wife] to even let you do it.
  5:13:47 PM    Stupid Dude###336: i hear ya….
  5:14:34 PM    Me: I dont think that she talks about me behind my back, but I wouldnt be surprised because she has every reason to do so… I’m your ex….but I still will never do anything from my side to give her [reason] to
• 5:53:17 PM    Stupid Dude###336: i mean when you say that you wish you never married me then how do you expect that i would feel?
  5:53:36 PM    Me: ouch
  5:53:42 PM    Me: that is between you… and her
  5:54:18 PM    Me: I want to steer as far away from that conversation as humanly possible.. for soooooo many reasons
  5:55:26 PM    Me: bathroom break..brb
  5:56:12 PM    Stupid Dude###336: if u get mad at me for talking fly to other females but then you talking waaay more fly to other guys and even after we got married then what….
  5:58:47 PM    Me: again
  5:58:56 PM    Me: I am staying faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away from that conversation
  5:59:03 PM    Stupid Dude###336: lol…my bad
  5:59:29 PM    Me: I am not touching that one with a ten foot pole…… just not gonna do it

       As you can see, my advice comes from a collage of personal experiences from different relationships and from watching other friends become OWs knowingly or unknowingly. Either way, I sympathize with any woman in a relationship. There is a lure about an OW that keeps the man interested, that keeps his inner hunter wondering if he can capture a woman, and the thrill of the chase and not getting caught. Oddly enough, it doesn’t mean that he loves you any less, it just means that he doesn’t love himself enough to know that working with one great woman is better than having two who hate you. I didn’t invent the game, but several years ago I learned how to play it, and got out before I got burned. I was the main woman trying to keep all of the OWs away and failed miserably, and then he turned around and tried to make me the OW. I wouldn’t let it happen, kept him in the friend zone. But other guys have made me the OW by omitting that they are already in relationships and then me finding out from Myspace, Facebook, or email, or the good old fashion female calling my house cussing me out. So I thought that I would share this with women who are in relationships…..you have to think like your enemy…..that is the only way you will ever win. Pride aside, the best woman doesn’t always win. Sometimes, losing, as in losing your relationship… could be the best thing to ever happen to you, and you will have an OW to thank.

       My intention is not to shock, hurt, damage or destroy any relationship. This is my blog and I write what I want to write as a part of my therapy… and this just happened to be the topic of the day. So don’t blame me if any of these issues show up in your current situation… I AM NOT THE OW. My suggestion is that,since it is my right to write about my life,  if you don’t want to show up in a blog…I suggest you don’t do me dirty…lol. You may not like what I have written, why I chose to write this, or the fact that I even wrote it… but you have to respect the fact that I told the truth. Come hell or high water, I wish someone would have explained OWs to me before my life got snatched from under me. This is like the Confessions of the OW….lol. Men, I swear… can’t live with them, and get 20 years to life without parole if you try to live without them. lmbo!

This has been Advice from the Other Woman…..comments are welcome.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

I’m Not a Lesbian, but I Played One In College

        Now that I have your attention… welcome. The taboo sentiments that circle around the topic of homosexuality are enough to make me torch the nearest discriminating heterosexual with rainbow gasoline. Seriously, no matter what you think of the topic ,no one civil right should be trumped by one’s disapproval of another’s civil rights. Point, Blank, Period!

        The title, obvious. I pulled a Katy Perry once in undergrad; I kissed a girl…and I liked it. One time, end of story. Nothing dramatic, nothing scandalous, just truth. What?!!! I went to a majority white college… girl on girl kissing is required in the student constitution to get your diploma…lol. So, should I be persecuted for a seemingly innocent homosexual act? Should I be banned from heaven because, in all actuality, I find the feminine form more attractive than that of a male’s but prefer the male’s over a woman’s? Or do I get a pass, the left blinded eye of justice, because I am a “redeemed” homosexual and I didn’t even send in $10.99 for a free healing prayer cloth? News flash, it is not the act that makes a person homosexual.

        I’ve never had sex with a woman, I just can’t picture myself ever taking it that far….so I’m a lesbian on paper…lol. I send in my dues every month at a gay pride rally but that is about it. But if you ask me how do I identify myself….you’ll never hear me say heterosexual. For that matter, you’ll never hear me say I’m homosexual. I just am. I stand in the middle, torn by what a part of me once experienced and what the rest of the world says is appropriate, all the while thinking that they could both exist harmoniously.

        Ignorance about homosexuality makes me cringe. I actually have a co-worker who once, while proclaiming his frustration over his son’s flying to New York from Florida to see his long distance girlfriend, said, “Well, it could be worse. He could be gay.” He said it as if being a serial killer, an international terrorist, or satan himself were all better than if his son were a homosexual with perfect credit and a clean criminal record with the cure to all currently incurable diseases stuffed in his left jean pant pocket. But this of course is coming from the same “Christian” coworker who posted this above his desk:       

I rest my case……….Shame how people can hate but can’t even copy/paste scripture properly…lol

         I have homosexual friends that I have invited to my church over, and over, and over again. I hate having to preface with “the speaker may hit an anti-homosexual rant, but listen to the voice of God between it all.” I want to stand up and shout during service…. “MUCH LIKE THE MILITARY, THE MORE PEOPLE WE HAVE SPREADING GOD’S MESSAGE, THE BETTER OFF WE ARE IN THIS WAR AGAINST EVIL!” But I don’t. I let the masses in the pews clap and cheer and Amen the minister of the day. Deep down I just want to fix it all, help bring a different approach. Telling me that I am wrong will not make me listen to you, but showing me another way for something to be done may get me to see your side. Shouting to the hills that homosexuality is wrong keeps so many lost souls from hearing God’s message. It’s almost as if they don’t think that bringing them into His house, teaching the rest of his teachings, will be enough ground work for God to magically work in their lives the way that He sees fit. It’s almost as if they are shouting that you can’t be Christian if you are a homosexual or don’t disapprove of homosexuals. When in fact they could try the Pythagorean-ish theorem.  If a=God, and b=His mercy, then c=His love for you. One may conclude after hearing those lessons repeatedly that God would work inside of the person. You can’t cut out what you THINK is cancer without first taking tests, blood work ( pardon the religious pun), X-rays, and even the initial incision on the surgery table. Baby steps, not attack. And I am not saying here that it should even be changed…but if you think that homosexuals should be changed…think of a different approach.

I also don’t think that religiously suppressing homosexuals is a healthy method of spiritually reforming people for the heterosexual partners that they may find themselves with. As a female who would one day like to be married to a male, I have fears of being in a relationship with a male who loves another male but because his church tells him he should be with a female he picks one as a front for the public and then begins down low activities…been there, done that… tested negative. That is a touchy subject for me. If you told me that my “now” husband was once with a man… I would always wonder if he still had those same feelings and I would want him to go be with whomever made him happy rather than stick around in a marriage with me simply because I was female. Only God can change an urge. My urge to stop having sex, though, doesn’t make me a virgin again, just like making someone stop engaging in homosexual activities will not make a homosexual a heterosexual. So am I wrong for letting God work his magic on the things that would cause me to hate? Am I wrong for having faith that God will work things out and as long as I continue to love everyone around me, respect them as humans and preach the word of God to get people into His house, no matter their sexual preference, God will be proud of me? Or am I wrong for thinking that it is ridiculous to lose a person over one Biblical scripture rather than gain them through a thousand others?

        I highly doubt that when it is all said and done that I will get to the pearly gates and Peter is gonna chuck up the Dueces with Jesus on speaker phone as they both tell me that I must spend eternity in hell because I didn’t choose to persecute the gays. People use the Bible at their convenience to promote their cause. I say, if you don’t use it all exactly the way that it was written….dont come hollering that nonsense in my ear all out of context. I’ve even heard ministers say that “this is a new time but the messages still apply”. Well, when your wife can’t have a baby you better not turn to invetro, you better sleep with your house servant. When Michael Jackson died he should have risen like Lazarus. I’m just saying… do you see the disconnect here? Why is it that other things can be forgotten, modernized, and substituted, but the principle of homosexuality and adamant hatred associated with it managed to last throughout the ages? Maybe, now, God needs this individual, who happens to be a homosexual, to know the love that God has for all human beings. Maybe this individual needed to hear how Job waited on the Lord, or how Joseph, David, and others over came trials. Maybe they need for you to practice the agape that you preach. Just maybe.

        I know several homosexuals that walk the halls of my church without them ever having to say a word but I have proof….their secret will be safe with me even after I die ( and I love them for EXACTLY who they are). I have several friends who are openly homosexual and I preach the word of God to them. I even have one requesting that I explain to her what “touch and agree” means because I say it around her so much. And I have a homosexual friend who revealed to me their HIV status…I didn’t shy away from them, I didnt think…”that’s what you get”, no… I loved them even more. And I laugh, joke, and talk about God with them whenever I can. I actually have some deep conversations about God with this individual. So yeh… the gays know the Holy Trinity as well… they just don’t always feel accepted by those claiming to be “His” people. You see, I don’t think that its my place to cast the first stone, but it is my place to say, come into God’s house, listen to his word and He will work on you in His time. I love all of my brothers and sisters, straight, not so straight, and flat out crooked. I think that is what I am supposed to do.

        A homosexual engaging in homosexual acts may not directly or indirectly kill me. But a straight man who came to church to hear a word about how God will make a way out of no way but instead hears about the persecution of the gays who then leaves and holds my bank hostage while i’m trying to pull out rent money….just might. No one sin is greater than another. Shouting “no homo” is not only stupid, but saying that you are not the same…when in fact you are. You too are human, you too are a sinner looking to be saved, and you too are praying that one day you will get into heaven despite your faults. So much like weight, who a homosexual loves just happens to be a visual habit that many feel they can pick on while keeping their own personal habits in the closet.

        This is not a rant to say that “Christians” are wrong and homosexuals are right. Just like I am entitled to my opinion, you are more than welcome to be bigoted by yours. *smirk* I just know that I can wake up with my conscience free every morning knowing that I am not hating someone or a sect of persons just because someone standing before me says that I should. God hasn’t spoken that chapter of the Bible to me yet.

        All jokes aside, I don’t believe everything that I read because many a man has had their say so in what I read before my eyes ever set sail across the page. But I do believe that God exists and my relationship with him is one of understanding and love. I am comfortable in that and will not let anyone else’s interpretation of how my Father and I behave taint my relationship with Him or how He chooses to shine through me. Again, you “christian” your way and I will “christian” my way..yes, I made it a verb. lol. It shouldn’t be that way, but as it stands….this is peaceful. Now…back to the gays…..

        Being a homosexual, to me, isn’t a crime……hate my theory all you want, I will not change. I say this… premarital sex isn’t favored upon….lets hold everyone to that standard no matter what your preference. Because I would hate for someone to not get saved and know God like I am still getting to know him just because they chose to love differently than myself. I have faith that God can work miracles and if GOD chooses to keep them homosexual…then that is between God and that person. I must uphold the love, grace, and mercy that has been shown to me and display it to others who come in my presence. I’m not a homosexual, nor am I heterosexual,;I am the understanding. I understand what it feels like to want someone to hear you out. I also know what it feels like to hear God telling me what to do, not tainted in my mission and do it in spite of. I also know that God would want me to love far more than he would ever want me to hate. And if I am wrong in that assumption, He’ll deal with me on my Judgement Day. Until then… all humans are alright with me. None of us are 100 % right nor know all of the answers, but I will definitely love you until we find a conclusion or one of us dies. And if these men don’t start acting right I just might cash in my lesbian on paper membership to a full fledge flag waving VIP member… DON’T PUSH ME!!! No hetero.

P.S. If you like this topic, check out my other topic: 200 Men Said…. “Same”phobic Homosapiens <~Click Here

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~