Male Self Respect

        Being an aunt makes me want to guard my nephews at all time from the women and situations that may try to steer them down the wrong path. If they were closer to me, they would get daily lessons of me telling them to love themselves and that they too are treasures. Being a godmother of a beautiful 10-year-old makes me tell her every chance that I get that she is beautiful, that she is special, that no one should touch or see her body but her mother and grandmother. My god-daughter looks up to me and tells me in our pen pal letters that she thinks I am the best godmother ever. This is where my basis for this blog is grounded….the teaching of equality in self-worth.

        My nephews, just because they are boys shouldnt be told anything different that I tell my god-daughter, other than pee standing up and wipe your butt properly.  If  I tell her that she should wait until she can handle whatever consequences that may come her way when it comes to sex, then my nephews should get the same pep talk. My nephews shouldnt get the pregnancy speech of “just don’t get her pregnant” but it should also be instilled in them that they will have to take care of a baby that they helped produce and dead beating it is not an option. But this is me preaching in Lala land.

        I know that it is a social thing for guys to follow man law from the Hold Your Nuts handbook, and I am just a woman…so what do I know, right? Well, as a woman who has a good amount of self-respect, it pains me to see males not showing love for themselves as well. When a guy doesn’t care about his appearance…sagging pants, dirty shirts, or over sized clothing…he is choosing trend over what image shows who he really is. Or maybe that is who he really is and not who he could be….but I can’t accept that. When a guy posts pictures of his penis as his profile pic on sites…I don’t get turned on by that. I immediately get offended because you just abused me without caring for my feelings, then you don’t care who sees your private parts. They’re called private parts for a reason. Restricted areas aren’t meant for everyone to see. If you know you are working with a Monster….make a chick work for the monster. When I see guys getting with a girl just because she is easy and will give it up… I just want to scream. That shows that you don’t think you can get a woman of substance or that you don’t care that this chick just did the same thing she’s doing to you to 20 of your closest boys. Shouldnt a guy think that he deserves better than the local hood rat? Or do you only think that the quick fix makes you rank higher amongst your boys? Dont you feel that you are worth the pick of the litter?

        I could be taking this out of context or merely refusing to live in the destructive modern structures, but I believe that this outlook on life that certain males have can be changed. I just want to walk up to guys on the street, and sometimes I do, and tell them to look at things from a different perspective. Like the teen who walked behind me blasting the lyrics “I only lick pussy if the bitch can suck a dick…” loudly from his mp3 player at Yum Yum’s. I turned around and asked him if he thought that what he was doing was respectful to the women standing in line with him. I also asked if he thought that the girl across the joint who he had been staring at would even think that was cute. I also asked him if this made him appear cool versus looking smart. He looked at me, turned off his mp3 player, apologized and thanked me. He said, “No one has ever put it to me like dat befo. I ‘prociate dat ma’am.” And as he grabbed his food and walked out I yelled…”and pull those pants up too.” All it took, in this case, was for someone to introduce him to his worth.

        I think if we spent a 3rd of the energy on boys that we spend on building up the girl’s self worth…the world would be a better place. Majority of the girl’s worth training is based upon the assumption that a guy will eventually try to corrupt you…so why not stop the potential corruption and build both entities up from the womb? I love males dearly….and I can’t sit by idly and watch another one display clear signs of self disrespect. No matter what society, media, or your boys say is cool….you can do better. I know you can… I have faith that you can…. and you will.

The end of my public service announcement.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

….She’s Skinny…Standing Next to Your Mama!

NOTICE: If you read this.. LEAVE A NOTE DANGIT!!! W/ your rude behind!

 Yes….another blog entry about weight… get over it.

        So, one of my personal assistants, Andrew, and I have had long and drawn out text messages over the issue of weight. I hate to admit it…. but he brings forth some very good points….at very few times (lol). Yet, on some of his other points I need to know why he thinks that way because its hard for me to see a guy with amazing abs and body (did I mention his eyes?) hold a legit, equally balanced, and unbiased conversation about a person’s plight for being overweight. lol. [Wait, I hope that doesn’t constitute as sexual harassment since he is technically my employee…lol. Oh, hell, he’ll get over it. lol. ]Maybe that is a bias that I need to change within myself; the fact that you don’t have to be overweight to know where we’re coming from. Well, long story longer than the shorter version but shorter than the longest version….in response to my blog  “Yes, I’m Fat… Thanks for Noticing” he made a good point that reminded me of an idea that I’ve had for years; Why are plus size people looked at as weak? Shouldnt we be viewed as the stronger persons in society for walking daily with our issues on our shoulders? Shouldnt we be the sought after ones for surviving through all of the ridicule?

If you havent read the other blog entry… CLICK HERE and read it to catch up, you slacker.

 

        In the aforementioned blog I made the mention of how other people can hide their weaknesses and personal habits but that plus size people wear their issues on the exterior. We may eat in secret, or swallow pain and resentment covered in mango curry sauce…but everyone can still visually see our issues. Shouldnt the outward appearance of our issues be enough to say, “Here I am world. You know my problems now what are yours?” It would be like Intervention’s version of “You show me yours & I’ll show you mine.” Fear Factor for the dysfunctionally senile in denial! Those who are willing to walk to the closet of their issues and drape them with a beautiful umpire waisted belt and walk into the world the very same way that we do every day. See, walking to the closet every day , for the plus size woman who has accepted her plight and is not in denial, is more like preparing for a final exam or your thesis statement (just got another blog idea). What will this outfit say about me as it wraps itself around my already pronounced issues? I mean, there are tons of things that go through our mind as we get dressed, but in the end we walk out of the house with our heads raised high….some of us… and we face the world.

        How ironic is it that the world would make the people who carry the most weight the physically weakest? Shouldnt my carrying these extra 70 pounds make me stronger? Well, yes, technically it does…just not in the same physical manner as the gym buffs without necks. We become emotionally stronger and self-sufficient in our lives. Many of us have the very things wrapped up in our post-Christmas dinner wrappings that several other people look for but aren’t willing to unwrap.

        Picture this: (And this is not Skinny Chick Bashing but this is blunt Anti-Skinny Chick…lol.. I use to be one, so I can speak on it) A guy sees a fine, thin woman from across the room. He loves the way her curves appear, her assets are ripe for the picking and her womb is playing peek-a-boo behind a nicely Golds Gym ripped set of abs. This is what he loves. Now, as soon as she gets a little thicker, the birthing hips have now given birth to stretch marks and indent lines from the too tight panties she has suction cupped to her butt in hopes that this physical change will soon go away, he (not all but some) will no longer find her attractive. Phrases like, “Baby you’ve changed”, “You’re not the same woman I met” or “You’ve let yourself go” find their way into their relationship.  Was he there for the woman’s personality or was he there for her looks? Because a woman will stay there when she is in love and watch his waist grown and learn to love that there is more of him.

        Picture this #2: You have the hoodrat with the big booty, 2.5 kids or 5 abortions deep…which ever will make this more disgusting for you, living at home with her mama striving to be a model who SOMEHOW manages to get the business man who one would THINK had enough common sense to know that he needs a woman who is more on his level. Standing from my previous skinny chick position, even I would say that he was in it for the booty and he’d never marry her in his right mind. Some would say why would any woman want him in the first place? It is not necessarily that we would want him… we want his eyes to be opened to what he could have and is missing out on all for the love of booty. (Sounds like another VH1 Reality Show, right?) You have beautiful plus size women who would make sure that the home was taken care of, the man was head of household, a companion in both business and personal decisions who are intelligent beyond their years being passed up on a daily basis just because a guy can’t see himself with a full-figured woman. He is passing up the very qualities that a man is supposed to findth in a wife….not wifey…but a wife. See, something is not right with either of these pictures….. these scenarios are in need of a new photographer.

        I say this, fellas…. in a plus size woman, if you look at the qualities that she has: is she intelligent, is she mentally stable, she doesn’t have 7 different baby daddies, does she have goals in life, etc…then you will begin to see what we see. Instead of worrying what your size 4 girlfriend is going to look like in 7 years…you’ll already know what we look like when we gain weight…lol. The surprise will be what will we look like should we ever decide to lose the weight for ourselves, but the surprise will never be that you have possibly gained a beautiful woman who is created from your dreams and crafted to suit your needs as she conquers her own world as well.

        I understand that everyone has a preference that they are entitled to pursue, if you truly arent attracted, then you are exempt. I’m here to speak to the brothers that creep behind closed doors with the plus size sisters but wont take her out in public for one reason or another (all of the reasons may not be weight….but I see y’all taking the crazy as hell skinny chicks out in public while she shows out). You like who you like, and you don’t like who you don’t like, but I want guys to stop treating plus size women like the white girlfriend cooking bacon for a black muslim; a taboo. We exists, we are sexy, and we go through a lot just to fight to be treated less than equal. We run businesses, we dress to the nines, and we love life just like any other person because we are human as well……we just want to be treated as humans. We can put it on our husbands, whip up a meal and push out some gorgeous children too…all while being the true trophy on your arm. People will see our size, but they will also see the courage that it took for you to tell them all  to fall face forward with their mouth opened wide on to the lap of the status quo and commence to Super Heading.

Super Heading- (verb) created by 2Deep on Sept 7th. Intended to suggest the actions perfected by Karrin Stefans aka Super Head. Filacio.

        Fellas, can you imagine being a trendsetter?! Joining the brotherhood of the thousands of men who stopped being so friggin self-centered and shallow and finally found a woman who would have his back… who also happened to be plus size? Every size woman has her issues….but you’ll never know until you try. Stop asking if there are any real good women out there if you are only looking at 12 percent of the female population, whether it be size, skin tone, creed, or length of weave. There are some very attractive women out there who could be exactly what you are looking for…..the problem is that you’re not looking in her direction. She wears majority of her issues on her exterior…so if for no other reason to date her…. you know what you are getting into. You know that she managed to walk through the day exposed and may need a hug from you. But deep down she is still strong, not a victim, and not to be judged…she is human. At least treat her as such, and if all you see is a plus size woman who is unattractive,lazy, and not worth your time because she’s let herself go…think this….”at least she’s skinny standing next to your mama!” LMBO!!! (Thanks KaNikki!)

Sincerely,

Mother’s Daughter