200 Men Said….Let a Man be a Man

        So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?

        Okay…I’m a big girl, I can admit when I need help. So, I needed help trying to figure out what this meant. Because in all honesty, in woman code, this translates to “Shut up woman and fix me some food”. You might as well call me a bitch and put me in geisha make-up. The phrase almost implies that a woman has the power to stop you from being a man, which then suggests the question of “why should I be with you if I can stop you from being a man?”. No, don’t shoot the messenger… I’m just saying…this phrase is looking a little swiss cheese-ish to me.

        Well, when I hear it I speculate that he means that he needs to be in control at that moment, or that I have stepped on his manhood a little too much. That is all I can do….. speculate. But… I also think that there are several different ways to let a man be a man, and each one is a sign of how much of a man the woman is dealing with. For instance, my godmother has this way of politely saying my godfather’s name that will shut the sentence down and change the topic. She was letting him be the man, in my opinion, but not embarrassing him nor letting him embarrass himself. He still got to maintain his pride. I have never , and I mean NEVER seen her raise her voice at him. Now what goes on in the privacy of that bedroom when you hear her call his name politely down the hall….that is on them. I am sure they have had disagreements… I have never seen it. The one thing that I have caught by accident is when my dad left his wallet at home after she reminded him to get it, he didn’t. So we’re at the restaurant and he is entertaining friends and family and the check comes. My mother knew what was about to happen, and I saw her playing around in her purse and then she slipped her credit card under the table and into his lap under his hand without missing a beat. THAT was letting my father remain a man so that he could place the card on the table and pay the bill. But, in letting him be a man, she had to be a woman to see what was needed and assist him. I have a STRONG feeling that guys around my age don’t see that as the definition of Letting a Man be a Man. So I asked them.

I asked my 200 Men…..

On my last question I saw pretty much the same response. What does “let the man be the man” mean to you and what should a woman do, or not do, to let the “man be the man”? 

        And since I never read the comments until I come back through to edit the formatting of the post…. I have no clue what you are about to read. The 200 Men Said….

• Danny P: All of this isn’t this complicated. When it’s right, the two involved in the relationship are who they are and the couple is still one. All this [means is] let [it] be [the way in] which [it] is… if [letting] the person be who they are is [them being a ] cheating fool or something… well uh duh
• Allen Ozark:   ??? not sure.
•  Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Its means, let the man think he’s in control even if you’re in control. Also, all duties that are designed for a man…let him do them even if you’re better. Eventually, if he’s a real man he’ll admit that you’re better at whatever and come to you for assistance, and rightfully so. [2Deep: This man never ceases to amaze me. But let him be in control even when he isnt…..isnt that lying? lol. Okay, Lie to my man. Check!]
• DSMILEY1: Let the man be the man: in charge of houses chores like cutting the grass & washing the cars. Sometimes its good to switch out but [it] wouldn’t be the same
• : !: it means if you have a Real Man, he leads the household in decisions..basically the King..but that doesn’t mean he is a tyrant. He should listen to advice from his wife and make good decisions. Basically, the way the Bible portrays it.
• Lateef25:  maybe not nag so much about what you want. just tell him in a nice way or let it go
• Kycajrome L: I believe [it] comes from the Old school archetype of when the Man was the provider and fixer of everything in the household…depending how a man was raised some still hold those values ,times are a little diff, but old or new ,Respect is what a MAN wants
• on the rocks…: that statement is self explanatory.far be it for a man to explain what it is to be a man.especially to woman these days. they seem to have their own blueprint for us.lol ..check every 3rd female profile and it’ll have a laundry list of what a “REAL” man is

        Now you all know that I wasnt going to just STOP at some of these answers. So some side conversations came from them and they went a little something like this:

• Vince V: I think that those answers are coming from men who feel insecure about their position in the household and basically wants the woman to run everything through him and let him have the final say so in what goes on in their relationship. when in my opinion a secure man who has good communication with his partner would trust his woman to be able to act as an extension of him to make good decisions with both his and her best interest at heart , but communication being the key. [2Deep: I simply love this answer…. he can stay…lmao]
• Me: Sooooooooooo I noticed you said that a “woman to be able to act as an extension of him” What does that mean? And why cant it be the other way around? Just playing devil’s advocate here
• Vince V: ok miss devil’s advocate….lol   Traditionally the man would always be considered the head of the household because he was the bread-winner. but as times have changed and women have become less dependent on men; whether it be cause of equality between men and women, or financial responsibilities within a relationship. the level of the playing field has evened out, and either one could be considered the “head”. but sticking with tradition, even though the field is even, with the male being the head; any actions performed by the woman would be considered “okayed” by the man, to anyone outside that relationship. which would mean she was just doing it for him cause he cant get to it. Now it can work the other way around but then that would not be a traditional type relationship, plus then you might  have a man with a really hurt ego about holding up the appearance of being the man of the house.
• Me: Soooooooo what is a woman not suppose to do without her man’s permission?
• Vince V: have sex with someone else….j/k lol   a woman doesn’t need her man’s permission to do anything….but a woman or a man in a good relationship keeps open lines of communication with each other. especially when decisions that are to be made affect one another.
• Me: Okay….so to let a man be a man is to keep an open line of communication with him. That’s it? ( I swear you’re gonna get sick of me…lol) But I am trying to make sure that I understand before I post it.
• Vince V: no, to let a man be a man is to let him run everything and make all the decisions and don’t question the things that he does. but i would personally like having the input of my woman in every decision that i make for us, and vice versa .
• Me: How is THAT being a man?!!! That sounds like a dictatorship!!!!! OH I SWEAR YALL WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!! lmao
• Vince V: that is just the way life has traditionally put men with women. but like i said, as for me ,i like having the input of my woman cause i feel like it keeps us closer and more in touch with each other
• Me: Gotcha! No prob….. I thought that you had great insight… My readers should hear it. Oh.. wait.. my fault. I didn’t let the man be the man. *submits* am I allowed to put your comment on my page? lmao!

        Vince V was my favorite response, but I simply had to post my comments from Chub L. He keeps me cracking up and yet he still knows when to be serious. So here are his responses:

• Chub L: Let the man be the man – let him get that door etc… Let him do for you what you shouldn’t have to do for yourself as his queen.
• Me: That was your answer…. so what am I not suppose to do for myself as his queen?
• Chub L:In the world that we live in today – It’s basically everybody for themselves, but my queen shouldn’t have to get her own door, ever. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I don’t have a problem with a woman’s independence at all. Whatever my independent queen will allow me to do for her is gravy. No qualms here. I’m open-minded – we can get the darn door for each other.
• Me: So, it really is that important to a man to feel needed in a relationship? But is it just with tangible things? Does a man ever feel the need to be needed emotionally? Meaning, if she doesn’t want you to get the door but needs you to hold her every night… would you feel like less of a man?
• Chub L: Being emotionally needed is even more of a necessity. The Queen needs for her king to not only be her rock while she’s awake -but to rock her to sleep and all the more rock her while she’s asleep. It is for the good of both. If my queen is kept happy then hence I will also be kept happy.
• Me: So, then… why do you think so much emphasis is placed on a man doing tangible things versus him being there for her in the emotional times?

• Chub L : I haven’t got a clue – I can only speak for me – I do both. Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.

        Soooooooo are you still as confused as I am? I don’t want to be alone, so don’t leave me out here alone on Confusion Island. I mean, I get it…. but I don’t get it. So, as long as I allow my man to do “things” for me, then he feels like a man and all is gravy. So, I shouldnt have to touch a door in the presence of a man, pull out a chair, or cut my grass ( I don’t know, so I am halfway there), and let him make all of the decisions. I have a feeling that there is a gray area here that is in need of a dye job. It can’t be that friggin simple. So if I live by these few rules I am allowing my man to be a man? SWEET!

        Okay, all jokes aside. I think it all boils down to respect. Do I respect my man to hear him out when he verbalizes his needs? Do I validate him when needed? Does he have an equal part in this relationship? I think THAT is where his concerns lay. Anything else is a dictatorship and it isnt going to happen over here. Respect for Respect should be the basis on which this blog should be concluded to. And Scene.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said….An Independent Woman’s Place

        So, while on Twitter I asked some of my female followers to hit me up with questions that they wanted my 200 men to answer and I have several questions to ask until I die…lol. But one was in reference to the place of an independent woman in a relationship. Other questions trickled from that one question, but this post will be specifically about an independent woman in her relationship.

*Cues Ne-Yo‘s Miss Independent* or read yesterday’s blog Lyrically Speaking:Lyfe Jennings~Hero [<~Click to Read]

        Often times we hear how you have to be an independent woman, learn to stand on your own two feet, don’t rely on a man because all men are dogs yadda, yadda, yadda. Then on the flip side, we must learn how to Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. How can I when no one is wanting to give up the man code? lol. Just kidding. But in all seriousness…. the world, right on down to the Bible thumpers, would have you believing that in order to be in a committed relationship you must relinquish your feminine family jewels and trade them in for a hot stove, bare feet and Kate plus 8. How 50’s is that. My last name is NOT Stepford. So, are we allowing the world to tell females everywhere that they cannot excel in order to make a man’s ego feel at ease just to have a relationship? I hope not, because then I am going lesbian.

        There has to be a balance, right? There has to be a time where a woman can handle business like a strong and independent woman during the day and be able to submit to her man. Notice I said submit.. not bow down to, not stand behind, not be belittled by. I left my father’s house because I was grown… I BE DAMNED if I go into another man’s house and feel as if I can’t be the strong person that MY FATHER raised me to be in opposition of many of these knuckle heads. So, you actually have the good fathers to blame…lol. And yes, I know I am exaggerating, but if the exaggeration can be handled then everything else will be cleared up in its path as well.

So…. 200 Men were asked:

 Often times black women are made to feel bad for being independent women. Do you think that there is a place for an independent woman in a relationship w/ a man or does she have to change? 

        Ladies, back away from anything that has breath and high levels of testosterone. TRUST ME on this one. I havent even read the comments yet, I never read them before I write my part, so I have no clue what is going to be said.

My men responded with:

• DSMILEY1: I like independent women because it makes us grow faster & makes life easier on choices we make together
• Chub L: There is nothing wrong with being independent, but also allow a real man to be the man. Hey it’s truly a new day in our wonderful society for different levels off independence, but chivalry does not have to die in order for independence to live.
• Kycajrome L: I almost want to say this is a silly question but, I know better, LOL so i’ll say if  [you’re] independent you won’t feel bad about being you (with out an attitude)…if some else can’t handle it….
• MIAMI’S SON IS BACK !!!:  are u serious !! you took the time to ask me that dumb ass question!! but its called self-esteem, meaning the esteem of ones self. so if you have to ask that question, then your not independent !!!! your a poor excuse of a person [2Deep: I had to rip him a new one separately. Funny how people assume that all of these questions are personally mine. I have women sending me questions on Twitter, and even if someone asks, it could be for research purposes and it doesn’t make them dumb.. like this ass! That’s why I am not going to correct his grammar errors. Because if you’re going to call someone else dumb you might want to know how to use “you’re”…lmao!]
• !: Never a problem for an independent woman being in a relationship but when it comes to the household, she needs to realize the man is the head of household, it’s a reason God set it that way…just like in all other species. You [can’t] have 2 leaders.
• dorrance: yes but u have 2 make time for each other if not then, no, it wont work
• DJ Urban Cowboy: I don’t think any [man] wants a woman who can’t support herself. There is little room to flaunt or boast your independence. If  [you’re] so independent that you have to boast about it, then you don’t need your man.
• Marcel: If a woman would allow herself to be made to feel in such a manner because of her independence then that is not at all a woman. A woman knows what its is in which she desires, wants and deserves.
• Code Name Bigsexy: THERE IS ROOM.BUT I THINK THE WOMAN STILL HAS TO LET THE MAN BE THE MAN
• Vince V: Yes there is a place for her. as long as she is not always throwing it up in the mans face like she doesnt need him for anything and vice versa. because that would be a lie. to make a “relationship” work it takes 2 people, being there for each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. and no neither person should have to change period unless they want to for some reason. i embrace the independent black women. i think that Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabolous state it best in Ne-Yo’s “Independent Remix”

 My FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM:

• CHRIST- O: I DONT WANT A WOMAN THAT CANT STAND ON HER OWN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN HAS A GLOW ABOUT HER THATS WHY SHE STANDS OUT IN A CROWD. TWO INDEPENDENT PPL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE.

Get your glow on ladies!!!

Okay… so I lied.. I ended up reading this one as I was going back and editing. I love this one too:

• Prestige “The One And Only”: She never has to change, a real woman will never have to compromise who she is naturally. Independent, stubborn, opinionated…is sexy and a black woman will and should remain such while still being able to allow a man to play his role as a provider.

(This comment sparked another question that will come up in a future blog. [Will post link Here])

        And of course, when a response catches my attention, I have to jump in and get clarification. So I began a conversation below:

• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I know I’m late on this one but I had to really think on it… I don’t think there is anything wrong with an independent woman in or out of a relationship but I don’t think some woman should get into a relationship if they just feel like they don’t want someone they can lean on when they need too. Some women take it to a certain level that can sometimes make their man or anybody feel unnecessary…. Just for example, sometimes the simplest thing like allowing a man to open a door for them… I have experienced women who actually give off an attitude when I have tried to do things like that… And I’m like “Wow, you don’t even want your door opened? That makes you less independent?” And I just think women go overboard with the “Independent Woman” thing.
•  Me: How are they going overboard?
• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: They are going overboard because they are starting to take men being polite and chivalrous as trying to impede on their independence. 
• Me: Oh okay, so how does it make you feel when a woman does that? And how can she be independent and make her man feel validated at the same time?
• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Everybody wants to feel needed by the person they are with and any real man would be impressed with a woman who can handle her own but if she makes him feel as though he is unnecessary that’s when it gets to be a problem… It’s the simple things… let him open a door, lift a box, yes a woman can do it for herself but a gentleman should never let her. I’m begging women in my life now to do their part in reviving and keeping chivalry alive.
• Me:  So it makes you feel needed? And you like doing those things? Do you ever think to give her emotional support too? Or must it always be tangible things?
• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I’m not in a relationship now… but when I was I was more than capable of giving emotional support… but try giving that to a woman who feels like she being babied if a man is just concerned about her. For example I may say “baby are you alright?” because I sense something is wrong with her… her response may be something like “don’t worry about me I’m gonna always be ok… So what am I here for if I don’t or can’t do anything for you?
• Me: So, That is a testament to the type of woman who you chose to be with… that is NOT an independent woman. That is a dysfunctional female…lmao!
• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Well when they are addressed they identify themselves as independent woman… and if that the case I would hate to view every woman who came off  “overly independent” as “dysfunctional women” But I will if I have too…LOL Now on the other hand if you are implying that “independent women” as a whole have perfect balance we would have to agree to disagree and I would do so purely from my personal experiences.
• Me: I disagree because a person who must announce does not or is not. You don’t go around on a daily basis shouting “I’m a Man!” So, if she feels she is truly independent people will tell her, but you will never hear her cast that title on herself. It is the imbalanced and dysfunctional females playing dress-up in a real woman’s clothing that feel the need to shout how independent that they are. Because, in all honesty, an independent woman can’t wait for a man… THE RIGHT MAN…to come along and compliment her strength. When she feels safe enough, she will hand him her entire load and gladly let him have it so that she can be power woman at the office and a catered woman at night. So again… we mustn’t let our experiences overshadow the facts of the matter. If I let my experiences with dudes overshadow the facts of what a man is supposed to be…..we wouldnt even be having this conversation. So I’ll continue to separate dogs from men if you promise to separate faux females in dress-up mode from independent women. Because Independent woman does not mean independent from the love and support of a man, it means she is independent from the stereotypes placed on her by association with her gender and excels in spite of barriers.  Capiche?
• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Capiche! You have my word and trust I’m not saying that I don’t have hope that I will one day find a woman of that caliber I just can’t speak on what hasn’t happened… But my eyes, heart and mind are open the very possibility of that opportunity…
• Me: Until then… you can’t say that you have come in contact with an independent woman then. You have come in contact with women who are trying to prove that they are independent and failing miserably. lol

         And then it hit me….. these guys are responding the way that they are because there are imposters out there wearing an Independent Woman’s clothes! Yes…. just as there are boys out there sporting a man’s attire, we have imposters on the woman’s side as well. So, the guys aren’t upset with a true independent woman, but rather her flunkie; her wanna be. This is completely understandable. And unfortunately, there is no way to show him what an independent woman is because much like good men, by the time the people who need to them they have stopped believing in their existence it is seeming too late because the indepedent women have given up.  But there is hope.. I know there is. Like I said above, if I havent let me viewpoint of a man change because of a few bad ones, I just ask that men not let their view of the independent woman be tainted because a few imposters just can’t get it right. Each person is an individual and independent of your past relationships and experiences…. this is my belief.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

P90X Journey: Day 29

So, after a week of sickness I have to get back in the frame of mind that got me through an entire month of P90X in the first place.

Yesterday (Sunday, Day 28) I took some pics and compared them to my starting pics and my side view shows the most improvements. My stomach wasnt sticking out as far….or at least that is what I thought. I showed them to a few friends and I guess by their response they could tell that I had been working out. I still wont post the pics because I still look similar to them. Call it vanity, but I will probably post the pics once the program is over or I am far along in the program that I dont look like the bigger end of the scale…lol.

I mean, I am proud of the work that I have done and the body that is shaping, but the body is still shaping. What I am not proud of is the trail that got me to need to have before and after pics. SO yeh…. I will VOW to post all pics as soon as I reach 180lbs. Deal? Deal? I will do that because I will be closer to my goal weight. And I know that it will take more than the 90 Days of P90X to get to 180lbs, but I am okay with that. I have seen changes:

Day 1: 232lbs

Day 28: 224lbs

Day1: 43in waist

Day 28: 40in waist

Day 1: 47 in hips

Day 28: 45.5in hips

My Goal for the next 30 days is to REALISTICALLY get down to 214lbs. I honestly want to get down to 200lbs in these next 30 days, but I already know that Thanksgiving & my cruise fall dead smack in the middle of that fantasy ride. So, if I can loose another 8-10lbs I will be on the ball! I also want to stick closer to the diet than I did this first month. I also know that I still hate Yoga but I will do it the way that I am supposed to do it these next 30 days as well as Ab Ripper X. I also noticed that I need to stick with my pedometer too ( got a new one but I keep resetting it with my fat roll..lol). I also need to try to workout in the morning at LEAST 3x a week. I also want to go to the gym or outside and hit the treadmill for at least an hour for at LEAST 3x a week. I mean, I am still paying for a gym membership… I might as well use it. I also need to take the stairs at work EVERY DAY!!! No excuses, I need to take those stairs.  So, now that I have it in my head what I want to achieve this month, I really need to stick to it. I think that I can accomplish my realistic goal and possibly my idealistic goal if I stick to these minor changes.

I will keep a tab on each blog this month to see if I stick to it. It will look like this:

Drank a Pitcher of  Water?

Close to the Diet today?

Completed Yoga in 1 day?

Completed Ab Ripper X?

Pedometer Steps: x/10,000

Worked out this Morning? X/3wk

Treadmill or Walk/run: x/3wk

Took the stairs at work?

So starting today, yes… I took the stairs this morning when I came into work. And I am wearing my Pedometer but it is giving me trouble. But I will get this next month on and Poppin’! Okay… enough of my foreword. I am sleepy and wanting to go home and crash. I will probably take a nap and then workout. I have to get back into the swing of things after being off last week. I’m ready to move ahead and keep losing weight. 8lbs is 8lbs that I no longer have and I vow to never pick back up. Let’s go!

WORKOUT

Ummmm the workout? It didnt happen. I was so tired when I got home that I was in bed by 9:30. I just couldn’t do it, I need 8 hours of sleep when doing these workouts. I also realized that I always hate Mondays and never have enough energy…ever!!!! So, I decided that Mondays would be my rest day for the next 30 days. It made perfect sense to me.

I also went to the grocery store and bought food for the next week for me to cook. I only went over my budget by $1.07. I was actually proud of myself. I am going to do healthy burritos. I also thin that I had 5330 steps yesterday. I think I had more but this pedometer has sensitive reset buttons, so that is just a ball park estimate. Okay….to bed!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

P90X Journey: Days 12, 13, and 14

First and foremost… FUCK WORDPRESS.COM!!!

I wrote a full blog and before I could hit save draft…which I thought that it automatically did anyway…it erased what I wrote and then posted and error message about putting in trash. I don’t even know where the trash button is. So, you don’t get the deep and emotional version.. you will get the “Fuck this Bullshit,. I’m not purging again,bitches” version.

Day 12: 29 Oct 10

Asshole pissed me off the night before, so I needed a ME day…yes, a Me day. I refused to workout so I sat on the couch and I rebraided my hair and decided to moisturize instead of being out in that mess called Howard Homecoming…the locals are a trip. I decided to think deeply into what went wrong with this relationship. I also decided that I was no longer going to be embarrassed by having had a failed relationship. Yes, people…I was happy, he flaked and couldn’t be a man and holdup his end of the bargain even though I was open in my communication and offered him several times. I am okay with that. I am not ashamed nor will I ever be again. I am human, and shit like him happens. But it took the ME day to realize this. So nothing got done.

 

Day 13: 30 Oct 10

 

I woke up to asshole asking for one last change to make it up to me. He offered Dinner and a movie and I said, sure. Who am I to deny one last try. But as soon as I realized that he wasnt specific with his plans I knew that this was just another attempt at him trying to play me because he already received the message from me that I couldn’t do this with him any more. I decided that i had taken enough time to sulk and think about my part in this situation. I am only allowed 1 day to sulk, 2 if it hurts, and then I have to keep it moving.  I couldn’t let someone who was out partying with his brother and cousins amongst the hoochies in town for HU’s homecoming who happened to not give a shit about me as a human, and damn sure not as a person who he was dating to detour me from my goals.Ihad to reign in my emotions…I had to bring it back in.

I got up and I decided that I was going to make up the missed exercises. I finished the remaining hour that was supposed to have been finished on Day 11. Yes, I sucked it up and I completed it. And then I kept the party going. Jesus & Water/wine style, by doing Leg & Back disc. I didn’t do the Ab Ripper….just didn’t have the energy. I had only eaten 3 eggs for breakfast, and 2 boca burgers on whole grain bread with mustard. I did all of the reps for the Legs & Back routine…and I would post them, but I am too pissed that my last blog write-up was deleted (hits save draft). But I felt so much better when I finished. I could have a moment… I could recollect myself and come back to my goal. I didn’t stay gone for that long. I could have bullshitted an entire blog about what I did do when I didn’t. I could have used my not feeling well ( think it’s a mix of asshole and a cold) as a reason of why I skipped a few days, and the list goes on. But I didnt….I finished. Even if I wasnt blogging, I DID IT FOR ME!!! Finally!!! I am not trying to get fit for anyone else but myself. I am not trying to impress anyone, I am not trying to compare myself to any one…okay I am soooo lying. I don’t want to be the big bitch on the beach next to my friend who is going on my B-day cruise with me…but under it all, I want to do this for me and feel good about myself. And I am proud of that.

I am also proud of how my friend and I walked in boots w/ heels, up hills on HU campus and back down Georgia Avenue, all the way down U Street and ended up at Busboys and Poets for a late dinner. I ate a burger w/ avocado, lettuce, tomato & mozzarella with sweet potato fries. Yes, I had two alcoholic drinks, but I also had only drank water the ENTIRE day. I don’t even have any flavored drinks in my house besides vanilla soy milk and I am even out of that. SO I think that I earned these indulging calories. I was proud that my cardio help up on the walk. My lungs didn’t portray me. My legs didnt call me bitch and go their separate ways. I could tell that I am improving fitness wise.

Day 14: 31 Oct 10

I went to church for the 8 am service and I had a ball! I received some word that made me think and it also made me question. I mean,it isnt church if I dont question something. The guest Pastor Michael Green said, “The purpose of a glass is not to be filled, but rather to be the best glass that it was made to be and being filled is inevitable.” I know that this may be far-fetched…but my purpose is not to be skinny, to be thin bitch trendy…my purpose is to be focused on my purpose and to be healthy and inevitably the slimmer me will follow. I kind of like having that pressure taken off of me. The next step will be for me to find out what my purpose is and then I can go from there. lol. But at least I got a source of wisdom.

I also left and went to brunch at Busboys and Poets ( SHUT UP!!! IT IS MY HOME AWAY FROM HOME!!!) with a friend from church. And between the blasting  THRILLER music and dancing zombies between the tables, I had a blast. I actually behaved food wise. I think….lol. I had the french toast, eggs, bacon and bowl of fruit.  Oh yeh, and a mimosa. lol. That was all I ate/drank the entire day. I came home thinking that I was going to take an hour nap and it turned into a 6 hour adventure…lol. I then got up and I finished Kenpo X which was supposed to be for Day 13. TODAY…it was supposed to be my rest day. But It was me who decided to rest on Friday… I had to make up the day lost. No excuses!!! No pain, no Losss! (Thanks Mentor…lol) SO once I finished Kenpo I did 35 minutes of the Stretch X before I began to get lightheaded….remember I havent eaten since brunch. But I think that I did well. OUtside of my right hip sciatica acting up…. I feel good. I kicked at my imaginary asshole and any other assholes who think that they can try me. I yelled that I am worthy of love and being love. I was worthy of health and fitness and my making up these routines was me telling the universe to go fuck itself with a small penis with erectile dysfunction! My knees are popping on squats but I keep it moving. I kept it moving when my hip was hurting. I didnt even give myself time to think whether it was pain or just a moment of challenge. But I kept it moving!!! I had to stop though on the spine roll because there was a clicking sound when I rolled up on my tail bone….and I dont think that hurt feeling was worth the stretch.I know I will stop before I injure myself…but today just wasnt that day. I made it up to myself!! I made myself get up and work out! ANd I did it! I DID IT!!!

I also decided to get up and cook fajitas for lunch tomorrow. Not that much steak, but tons of onions, green and yellow/red bell peppers, and tortillas. They are small tortillas and so I wont be eating that much…and I am proud of that. Now I just have to make sure that I can figure out what my snacks will be tomorrow. But I am sure I will figure it out. Ialso have decided to do Doubles this week. NOT P90X’s Double…but my version of double. For Example, I may do Hip Hop Abs in the morning and then come home and workout to P90X in the evening. I just want to speed up the results. I have lost 2 inches in my waist in 2 weeks ( 43 to 41 inches) and I have lost an inch & a half in my hips ( 47 to 45.5). I have stopped looking at the scale because it isnt saying what I want it to say, but the loss of inches is making me smile on the inside. I will see myself through this. 76 more days ( check the math) left and I will have completed my longest stint of my life with a fitness program!!!! And even though this version doesnt seem as deep as my other version. I hope that you got something out of it. It is not easy. It is not a walk in the park with roses. This is tear dropping, sweat creating, wall and excuse busting routines that you have to have a mindset to complete. I am proud that I even chose this program. Well….I’ll go to bed now… I have to wake up in a few hours.

P.S. Please leave a message. Your email will NOT be posted with your comment. And people who read and dont leave comments are internet Niggas! Yes, I said it. voyeurs!!! I write because I need to get it out….but even if you hit the “LIKE” button,or the Twitter Button…the Facebook button.. SOMETHING!!! We have to get out of this anti-social social medium. Just speak. You speaking motivates me. Thanks.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

P90X Journey: Day 5

So, I forgot to write about this last night, but I did exercise. SO here is the short version

Legs & Back:

Balance Lunges: 15 (lt), 15 (t)

Calf Raise Squats: 25 (ft), 25 (rt)

Reverse Grip Chin-ups: 16

Super Skater: 25 each

Wall Squat: The full time

Wide Front Pull-ups: 22 ( Heavy Resistance bands)

Step Back Lunge: 20 each side ( Heavy Resistance bands)

Alternating Side Lunges: 24 (Medium Resistance Bands)

Closed Grip Overhead Pull-ups: 20 (Heavy Resistance Bands)

Single Leg Wall Squat: 1 minute ( I was up just a little higher than 90 degrees)

Dead Lift Squat: 20 each ( left leg used the toe tap)

Switch Grip Pull-ups: 30

3 Way Lunges: 5 rounds each side

Sneaky Lunges: 20 ( dropped twice)

Reverse Grip Chin-ups: 20 (Heavy Resistance Bands)

Chair Salutations: Stopped with 2 seconds left

Toe-Roll Iso Lunge: 20 each side

Wide Front Pull-ups: 20

Groucho Walk: Full time

Calf Raises: Full time

Closed Grip Overhead Pull-ups: 20

80-20 Siebers Speed Squats: 30 all /each

Switch Grip: 20 ( 10 each direction)

Ab Ripper X:

In & Outs: 25

Bicycles: 25

Reverse Bicycles: 25 (but I was leaning back on my elbows) 

Crunchy Frog: 25 (I had 2 breaks but I did 16 straight before my first break)

Wide leg Situps: 25 (I had 1 break but did 14 straight before my first break)

Fifer Scissors: 25 (w/ 1 break , did them like Bicycles instead of straight leg. Did 15 straight before my first break)

Hip Rock & Raises: 25 ( w/ 1 break and I did 15 straight before my fist break)

Pulse Ups: 25 ( no BREAKS!!! w/ bent knees)

V-up/Roll up: 25 (w/ 1 break. I did 7 combos before I took a break, the rest were single roll ups)

Oblique V-ups: 25 each side w/o a break!! (I realized arm placement was  wrong & made adjustment) 

Leg Climb: 10 on each leg ( right leg is tight and I struggled) 

Mason twist: 16 ( 8 reps before each breaks. Total of 2 breaks) I stopped because I was light-headed and didn’t eat.

I did them all!!! I was pretty proud of myself. And even though I stumbled or had to take breaks in between some of the reps, I was determined to make up for my Yoga failure. I told myself that no matter what, I would have to finish the reps, even iff I had to pause the video and take a quick break. I have to keep that mentality. I cannot stop.

I didn’t feel well today but I made sure that I exercised just the same. I took it at my own pace…but I finished. There was no excuse from me to hide behind.

I was speaking to a coworker about the program and I had to admit to a few things. I told he that this program has already made me have one breakthrough. While working out, you notice your weaknesses. And if you are honest with yourself, you begin to get mad at yourself for not being fit enough to finish the tasks. The next step that came to mind was the fact of , ” how did I get this way?” No one made me eat the Doritos that made my thighs so heavy that I can’t hold them up for this Crunchy Frog, that was all my doing.  And THAT was the point of me breaking down in tears. Me realizing that I had done this too myself. I was the reason I was sitting here unhealthy, out of shape, and full of anger at MYSELF for not backing away from the table sooner, for not walking more steps in a  day, for being lazy fo no damn reason other than the fact that I just didn’t feel like being active. And then I hit the breaking point. What were the real causes behind me not giving a damn. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t bring myself to admit to that part and I choked, broke out in tears and begin to promise myself that I would begin the healing process……all of this just because I wouldn’t freaking workout.

No other trainer, no gym membership, not fitness buddies could ever make me hit this threshold. Why P90X? Why was it now that made me break down? My mind was finally in the right place for me to stick to a fitness program, to blog about it to become honest about my habits. But why now? Why was my underlying past and secrets that caused me to each for therapy finally making me cry at the thought of push ups? I guess I will never know.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

P90X Journey: Day 4 (Yoga)

There are not enough cuss words in the English dictionary for me to express how I feel about this entire session. I was actually excited about working out. I dont do Yoga, I dont like Yoga, yet I was ready to do this workout. THIS SHIT IS BORING AS HELL!!!!

First off, this workout is like an hour and a half!!!!! What happened to the one hour sessions? That messed with my mental stamina to begin with. Then having nothing to face but my breathing and Tony Horton’s voice is like death. I don’t sit still long enough in my room to hear myself think and yet they want me to do it while struggling? I beg to differ dear crackheads of Beach Body!!!!

I made it on and off to about 43 minutes left in the program before I got up and answered a phone call from my homegirl. Just bored. Then I joined back in for the core/balancing exercises and found those familiar. Well I be damn……it was because it wasnt familiar. Wow…. just typed that into realization. But the strange part cam when I just busted into tears in the middle of the half boat. I mean full-out baby bawling. And in the middle I mumbled to myself that I deserve to be able to do this, I want to be able to do this. I think I just had my first fitness breakthrough.

The other workouts keep me moving, keep me motivated and keep me so busy that I don’t really think about me. Yoga showed me my weakness and I dont like it. It hurt my pride and made me face the fact that I am out of shape. That reality sucks butt like Pookie looking for a fix. I think this was just the first of many to come. I will have to force myself on the next Yoga day to push through every position…every pose, every salutation. I just want to succeed at this. I am afraid of failing at Yoga…of all things, YOGA! Fudge your Nomaste! Okay, that was a bit harsh. How about. Nom dat hoe, rang dat hooooooe!

Okay, all jokes aside. This just made me vulnerable. I make a vow that next Yoga day I will do EVERY pose. Even if I have to do the variation or modified version….I will have to bring it. I originally felt that this was a fail….but I got something out of it. I came face to face with both failure and success all in the middle of a workout. The fear of failing at another fitness program and the possibility of succeeding and becoming fit and facing my fears of being just another fit girl. But that is an entirely different blog.

Well, let me get dressed and head out to The Park with my crew….take my mind off of this. I also need food…lol. Thanks for reading. I needed to vent. Better luck tomorrow.

Deep Kamasutra: “Orally Speaking”

Welcome to the new series called “Deep Kamasutra” featuring advice giving to you from myself, 2Deep, and my homeboy Kamasutra. I guarantee you that this will be blunt advice unlike anything that you have ever read before. He and I are two very blunt individuals…..so if you don’t want the truth DO NOT READ ANY BLOG ENTRIES FROM THIS SERIES!!! lol.  So…lets get this party started.

Our first question for the start-up of this series comes from a Twitter follower, who happens to be a black male, and he asks:

“Why is it that black women do not EASILY engage in oral sex, or engage in the act as much as other races?”

 

Kamasutra, what are your thoughts, sir?

        It’s Kamasutra on the ones and twos. I have had a lot of experience in the field of women. And I will tell you this, the freakiest woman in the world, at some point, will evolve into someone who cares about her image and doesn’t want her business put out there in the streets. Now with that said, I believe that the black race has been so mind fucked that the whole situation of black love and dating is fugazi (that’s military lingo for fucked up)! On to your question, from my experiences with various races of women, the stigma for giving “head,” sucking dick, giving brains, and ultimately fellatio all comes down to three things: desiring to please her man by any means necessary, the stigma in the community for what that actually involves, and the last one is just plain what her mother told her, bro.

         I’m not going to even try to make this eloquent or technical, I am just going to keep it real! Getting your dick sucked is arguably one of the best feelings in the world, so who wouldn’t want to experience that feeling? Black women don’t come up off the goods easily because their mothers tell them that its nasty and no self-respecting woman would take her mouth and open it up and allow a man to slide his dirty dick in between her lips. What she didn’t tell her daughter is that she was breaking daddy off with the bomb ass head last night and many of her former boyfriends before daddy was even in the picture! In our community, dick sucking is scandalous and derogatory and no woman wants to have that as her reputation. Honestly, black men talk too damn much and that is real, certified talk. They tell their friends and their friends tell their friends and then ultimately someone tries to get that “fire dome” from her and now the reputation precedes her. And oh man, don’t let her turn him down, he will shred her image to pieces trying to salvage what little manhood he has left from picking his face up off the ground—all because she said no. It’s a defense mechanism my dude! They give head but most of them enjoy the act, but they are not going to divulge that information to you!

          You ever heard the saying, “A woman will fake an orgasm to save a relationship, but a man will fake a relationship just to get an orgasm.” That’s real and women know it, so a woman isn’t going to give you something she feels like, for one, he isn’t even my man and, two, he is going to go runteldat! It’s all an image thing!

 ~Kamasutra

Wow! Okay. It’s always interesting to see what guys think about a subject. Now, ladies…. its my turn.For starters, I plead the 5th on my own personal experience….I am merely discussing the topic. Now that we’ve got that out of the way…lol .

        

         As I got older, I had an ex call me and ask for my permission to tell his current girlfriend that he and I had sex,and if I had disagreed I would have been omitted out of his confession…..that makes a woman feel safe, that makes a woman keep a man on her radar, that could make a woman drop to one or two knees to show you how much she appreciates you for your thoughtfulness. And now that my professional career has reached, and continues to reach, new heights I search for guys who like to keep their life just as private as I like to keep mine. Yes, I tell a lot about myself but there are things that will never be broadcasted, like if I have sex, when I have sex…and what is included in the sexual package.  And just because I have a tongue ring, doesn’t mean that I got it to play “head” games, or that you will ever get to experience it. The ones who get the most excited are the ones who wont get anything from a female. It is the laid back brothers ( or at least the ones who can fake until they make it) who make those females who engage in giving head feel like their secret is safe. So, trying to impress your boys could actually decrease the actions that you so desire.

        If it were up to my grandmother, all actions are a go! She was very open and honest with me about sex, so I never got the speech about how giving head could cause you cancer. lol. In my house, the only rule of thumb was don’t get pregnant. With all of the openness that surrounded me there wasnt much of a mystery surrounding sex that made me want to rush out and dabble in it, and that very openness kept me a virgin until I was twenty. In high school just about every guy in my school was trying to holler at me all because I was unobtainable, and I liked it that way. But the very same lure that they wanted me for was the very same lure that kept me a virgin; there were no rumors of a past triste floating around about what I had done. Yet, I am sure you will find a female out there who is less timid than myself. Like my high school best friend use to say, “Dick doesn’t have a face.” So why don’t you ask her to take my place…lol. Or this chick… she seems ready for the job:

        LMBO!!!! All jokes aside, my homegirl brings up an interesting point when she says, “If its clean, I suck. If he’s been tested, I swallow.” lmbo!  Blunt, yet so very honest. As a woman, you have to protect yourself from viruses, and going down on a guy puts us at risk. Point, blank, period. We hear, and experience, the actions of the Down Low brothers, and unless you stop complaining about receiving oral pleasure while wearing a condom….I guess you will have to wait til you are married. The very actions of guys actually scares women off from feeling comfortable. Because it doesn’t make me feel comfortable knowing that 30% of males don’t think that getting “head” is considered having sex. And 100% of that 30% do NOT use oral condoms when receiving “head” which means that the opportunity for viruses to be transmitted raises through each action….and then he expects me to turn around and follow suit? Ummm…come again?  So, no amount of social stigma can compete with the hard facts of a male’s sexual prowess and the risky activities that go along with those actions.

        As a female, I have to agree with Kamasutra on the topic of reputation and self-respect. Fellas, you all do talk far too much and end up setting fire to the very bridge that a girl may have crossed in order to give you such pleasure. No girl wants to be known as the local hoe. She wants to be considered as a lady at all times, no matter her actions, and you spreading the word actually kills that image. Also, having the pressure of a guy’s expectation actually kills the mood.Just like you don’t want a woman who you’ve been with for a month to expect you to marry her, I don’t want a guy who I have only been dating for a month to expect that he should get some head out of the deal. It can’t be a double standard. Besides, why would you want a woman to easily give you anything….she could just as easily pass you a disease. Now, as a respectable woman, if I ever decide to engage in such an intimate act with a man, you can be guaranteed that he got that act because my heart was into the action and not just because it is expected of me. I guess only doing this with your husband would solve this issue. So in conclusion, just like every female hasnt earned the right for him to “put a ring on it”, every male hasnt earned the right for me to put my lips on it. Same thang! End of story.

~2Deep

 

So, i guess it boils down to the standards of the people engaging in such actions. If a guy knew that for SOME woman it is a sign of affection and if they appreciated it by keeping their damn mouths shut…they just may get it more often. But on the flip side, if girls understood that guys don’t think like us and are more apt to spreading the news, they wouldn’t be so swift in engaging in an action that would ruin your reputation. I think that it would be safe to say that this one will be a stalemate. Fellas, I’m sure you will find a female who will help you out, and ladies….I think it is up to you as to whether you want to take that risk or not.

Verdict: Hung Jury

Sincerely,

~Deep & Kamasutra~

P.S. If you liked this series and wish to see it continue, leave questions below in the comment section and it could show up in the next blog.  Follow Kamasutra’s blog by CLICKING HERE!

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2Deep: @_2Deep_

Kamasutra: @Yo_STFU_ImTalkn