P90X Journey: Day 5

So, I forgot to write about this last night, but I did exercise. SO here is the short version

Legs & Back:

Balance Lunges: 15 (lt), 15 (t)

Calf Raise Squats: 25 (ft), 25 (rt)

Reverse Grip Chin-ups: 16

Super Skater: 25 each

Wall Squat: The full time

Wide Front Pull-ups: 22 ( Heavy Resistance bands)

Step Back Lunge: 20 each side ( Heavy Resistance bands)

Alternating Side Lunges: 24 (Medium Resistance Bands)

Closed Grip Overhead Pull-ups: 20 (Heavy Resistance Bands)

Single Leg Wall Squat: 1 minute ( I was up just a little higher than 90 degrees)

Dead Lift Squat: 20 each ( left leg used the toe tap)

Switch Grip Pull-ups: 30

3 Way Lunges: 5 rounds each side

Sneaky Lunges: 20 ( dropped twice)

Reverse Grip Chin-ups: 20 (Heavy Resistance Bands)

Chair Salutations: Stopped with 2 seconds left

Toe-Roll Iso Lunge: 20 each side

Wide Front Pull-ups: 20

Groucho Walk: Full time

Calf Raises: Full time

Closed Grip Overhead Pull-ups: 20

80-20 Siebers Speed Squats: 30 all /each

Switch Grip: 20 ( 10 each direction)

Ab Ripper X:

In & Outs: 25

Bicycles: 25

Reverse Bicycles: 25 (but I was leaning back on my elbows) 

Crunchy Frog: 25 (I had 2 breaks but I did 16 straight before my first break)

Wide leg Situps: 25 (I had 1 break but did 14 straight before my first break)

Fifer Scissors: 25 (w/ 1 break , did them like Bicycles instead of straight leg. Did 15 straight before my first break)

Hip Rock & Raises: 25 ( w/ 1 break and I did 15 straight before my fist break)

Pulse Ups: 25 ( no BREAKS!!! w/ bent knees)

V-up/Roll up: 25 (w/ 1 break. I did 7 combos before I took a break, the rest were single roll ups)

Oblique V-ups: 25 each side w/o a break!! (I realized arm placement was  wrong & made adjustment) 

Leg Climb: 10 on each leg ( right leg is tight and I struggled) 

Mason twist: 16 ( 8 reps before each breaks. Total of 2 breaks) I stopped because I was light-headed and didn’t eat.

I did them all!!! I was pretty proud of myself. And even though I stumbled or had to take breaks in between some of the reps, I was determined to make up for my Yoga failure. I told myself that no matter what, I would have to finish the reps, even iff I had to pause the video and take a quick break. I have to keep that mentality. I cannot stop.

I didn’t feel well today but I made sure that I exercised just the same. I took it at my own pace…but I finished. There was no excuse from me to hide behind.

I was speaking to a coworker about the program and I had to admit to a few things. I told he that this program has already made me have one breakthrough. While working out, you notice your weaknesses. And if you are honest with yourself, you begin to get mad at yourself for not being fit enough to finish the tasks. The next step that came to mind was the fact of , ” how did I get this way?” No one made me eat the Doritos that made my thighs so heavy that I can’t hold them up for this Crunchy Frog, that was all my doing.  And THAT was the point of me breaking down in tears. Me realizing that I had done this too myself. I was the reason I was sitting here unhealthy, out of shape, and full of anger at MYSELF for not backing away from the table sooner, for not walking more steps in a  day, for being lazy fo no damn reason other than the fact that I just didn’t feel like being active. And then I hit the breaking point. What were the real causes behind me not giving a damn. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t bring myself to admit to that part and I choked, broke out in tears and begin to promise myself that I would begin the healing process……all of this just because I wouldn’t freaking workout.

No other trainer, no gym membership, not fitness buddies could ever make me hit this threshold. Why P90X? Why was it now that made me break down? My mind was finally in the right place for me to stick to a fitness program, to blog about it to become honest about my habits. But why now? Why was my underlying past and secrets that caused me to each for therapy finally making me cry at the thought of push ups? I guess I will never know.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

P90X Journey: Day 4 (Yoga)

There are not enough cuss words in the English dictionary for me to express how I feel about this entire session. I was actually excited about working out. I dont do Yoga, I dont like Yoga, yet I was ready to do this workout. THIS SHIT IS BORING AS HELL!!!!

First off, this workout is like an hour and a half!!!!! What happened to the one hour sessions? That messed with my mental stamina to begin with. Then having nothing to face but my breathing and Tony Horton’s voice is like death. I don’t sit still long enough in my room to hear myself think and yet they want me to do it while struggling? I beg to differ dear crackheads of Beach Body!!!!

I made it on and off to about 43 minutes left in the program before I got up and answered a phone call from my homegirl. Just bored. Then I joined back in for the core/balancing exercises and found those familiar. Well I be damn……it was because it wasnt familiar. Wow…. just typed that into realization. But the strange part cam when I just busted into tears in the middle of the half boat. I mean full-out baby bawling. And in the middle I mumbled to myself that I deserve to be able to do this, I want to be able to do this. I think I just had my first fitness breakthrough.

The other workouts keep me moving, keep me motivated and keep me so busy that I don’t really think about me. Yoga showed me my weakness and I dont like it. It hurt my pride and made me face the fact that I am out of shape. That reality sucks butt like Pookie looking for a fix. I think this was just the first of many to come. I will have to force myself on the next Yoga day to push through every position…every pose, every salutation. I just want to succeed at this. I am afraid of failing at Yoga…of all things, YOGA! Fudge your Nomaste! Okay, that was a bit harsh. How about. Nom dat hoe, rang dat hooooooe!

Okay, all jokes aside. This just made me vulnerable. I make a vow that next Yoga day I will do EVERY pose. Even if I have to do the variation or modified version….I will have to bring it. I originally felt that this was a fail….but I got something out of it. I came face to face with both failure and success all in the middle of a workout. The fear of failing at another fitness program and the possibility of succeeding and becoming fit and facing my fears of being just another fit girl. But that is an entirely different blog.

Well, let me get dressed and head out to The Park with my crew….take my mind off of this. I also need food…lol. Thanks for reading. I needed to vent. Better luck tomorrow.

Why I Write

Hidden beneath the brass undertones of “I could care less” lies the urge to be heard by the hearing impaired and those who are impaired by hearing…..the truth.

How do you communicate?

“Spoken Heard”

by:2Deep

Deep behind the canals of the ear

lies a Being

a beginning

afirmation of a transformation where

comprehension

translates what I meant

into what you heard

never asking permission

but figuring communication is the payment

of comprehension’s tuition

we have agreed

that hearing equals being heard

volume mixed with tone

a concept that never worked well with me

watch my eyes raise

Verizon induced preguntas

Me puede oír ahora?

No

my bad

your fault

fingers swaying to the rhythm of a humming bird’s heart beat

pounding out language at a decibel that would keep timmy in the well

b/c lassie wouldn’t hear

definition lost in complacency

reluctant hearing turned deaf to meaning

feeling

cover your ears when I ask you if you heard what I said

drape your arms around the waist of communication

hug it close

comprehend nothing more than what stands between your pelvis

and the birth of the meaning of these words

i write because sometimes

words need not be spoken

to be heard