So, after doing my 200 Men Said….Let a Man be a Man [<~Click Here] blog, I realized that there is so much emphasis in men wanting to DO things to and for women. It is as if it is in their genetic coding to be a doer. But also, it is in my genetic coding as a woman to take care of and for my man. I am very old fashion in this thinking. I can’t wait until I am married ( IN NO RUSH) so that I can be a power woman at the office during the day [Read 200 Men Said….Independent Woman] and then head home to cook dinner, run my man’s bath water and meet him at the door to take his coat and shoes. Yes, I , 2Deep, have been brainwashed as a 50’s housewife…. but that is something that I really want to do when I get married. Notice I said married… er’ybody doesnt deserve, nor should they get, this treatment. You need to reserve some things for your marriage. Now… back to the 50’s.
I honestly believe that with all of the things that men are so head-strong in doing for us women, there should be a moment of reciprocation as a sign of appreciation. Yes, they have conditioned “some” of us to the point of being spoiled and always expecting things, but at the same time, it wont kill us to show some appreciation back. It goes along with the theory that even the strongest structures in the world need to be maintained in order to maintain their strength and appeal. The Golden Gate Bridge, Statue of Liberty, and Eiffel Tower do not remain the iconic structures that they are without people caring for them after they stand tall and beautiful for the world to see. Our men, much like these structures, seldom….if ever, drop the macho man facade that they put on for the rest of the world. So, it then becomes our job to help them maintain, unwind, and remain the strong structures that they are.
How do we do that, you ask? Simply…. cater to your man! Yes, remember when Beyonce use to scream that before Jay put a ring on it? Yes, cater. He should be opening doors, pulling out chairs, walking on the curb side of the sidewalk, and protecting you….so what would it hurt if you reached over and unlocked his door from the inside of the car, said thank you, or held his arm to let him know that you feel safe? Would it kill you to cook for him and not want anything in return? Would it interfere with your spirit to wash a load of clothes between What Chili Needs is Therapy and Real Housewives of South East Compton? Or would you convert to satanism if you chose to sit and watch a show that HE wants to watch as you rubbed your fingers across his hair while he laid his head in your lap? Sorry fellas…I had to tell everyone that you do lay your head in our laps outside of sex…lol. These things will not only help you get a man but they will definitely set you on the path of keeping one.
So I wondered…..were my 200 Men in agreement with me and my catering to “him” ideals? Was I making this up just because I wanted to take care of someone or was there proof that guys like to be catered to just as much as women do. So I asked:
It is my belief that men like to be catered and pampered from time to time, too. Is this true? And what do you consider your favorite activity to get pampered with/by? i.e Dinner, massage, etc.
And the answers came pouring in!!!!!
DSMILEY1: yes & i would love a full body massage
Chub L: I love that long, sensual, hot oil massage. The kind so deep and passionate that it makes me feel like I could just collapse at any given moment. The type of massage that says I’m wanted with every touch.
CHRIST- O: I DO, BUT DONT CALL IT PAMPERING. DINNER, MASSAGE, BATH WATER RAN, ROLL ME SOMETHING TO SMOKE N LET ME WATCH TV, ILL BUST MY ASS FOR YOU THEN. [2Deep: LMAO!!! That is the best and most honest answer that you can get ladies….lol. So even if your man isnt a smoker, I have a feeling that the same rules apply]
Kycajrome L: Pampered…..No lol! not really a manly word….I’m just saying I’ve never heard another brother say ” I wish my lady would pamper me more ” LOL….NEVER ,and most won’t say….no not dinner again tonite…i want a massage instead…really!!!
ICE: I wanna cater to u
DEVON B: personally , I would like to be pampered, by a little wine and dine, maybe a massage for at least 20 to 20 plus min.then i would like…. well im different .i like different things…but whatever i like thats what i would want to be pampered with and some extra[ <~2Deep: Ha! He used Pampered!}
BIG SEKZI: dinner and massage
Code Name Bigsexy: lol me being pampered is me pampering her.i love affection.dinner always makes me feel good {2Deep: HA!!! HE USED PAMPERED TOO!!! Okay, maybe my caucasian brothers are moer apt to using the word pampered than my black brothers…lol]
Danny P: sure, well as for me, i like to be pampered as well. i think it’s a constant exchange when two people love one another. i like whatever comes from the heart. [2Deep: I proved my point…]
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: the way 4 me to be catered is 2 let me cater 2 her with that same thing… thats enuff 4 me
DJ Urban Cowboy: A nice deep massage after a long day or a good workout at the gym will do worlds in my relationships
DARIUS J: YES I DO I LIKE LONG BACK MASSAGES AND THEN SUM…….
rroyallty: Yes. Dinner, massage, a lil ego boost and peace of mind without alot of mouth during that time frame would be nice. Some pleasure would be nice also.
Jerome P: yes, i think we like special treatment from time to time. my favorite activity is having my favorite meal prepared for me.
…….: I just prefer some sex and i’m ok
on the rocks…: Dont nag me…just come sit with me, kick your feet up, and show me you know how to chill without feeling like you’re wasting precious moments in life by not shopping, running errands, or etc…you can even have the remote, just dont cut on any reality tv.
Vince V: Well your belief is most accurate. I personally enjoy getting the whole spa type treatment from my woman, followed by a great home cooked dinner and a movie cuddled up together, then followed by her treating me to a sensual strip tease and a soft sexual seduction.
And my favorite comment came from :
Prestige “The One And Only”: Of course….we are arguably bigger On pampering than women. Personally i prefer for a woman to rub her hands in my hair [2Deep: Damn… him just admitting that is sexy as hell. *sigh* Okay…let me get back to writing this blog]
Okay, so I learned not to use the word PAMPER when refering to a man….lol. But I was right on point when it came to them liking when their woman catered to them. The majority of them seem to like massages, outside of the obvious sex. And as you can see… each man is very different in what it is that he likes and/or considered as catering to activities. No one makes me laugh harder than Christ-O’s answer, but if that is what he likes, then as his woman I suggest that you learn how to roll something for him to smoke….lol.
But like Prestige said, men are arguably bigger on pampering than women. But fellas, with all of the tough exterior and concern about what is a manly word and what will your boys think…..you guys send off the WRONG signs. If it werent engrained in me to be this way, I dont know if my guy would ever be pampered. Women are soft and we like clean nails, softER hands and softER feet rubbing up against us. It doesnt make you less of a man but it lets you get closer to your woman. So relax…..we’ve got you….IF YOU LET US. And majority of us want to. I’ll never forget the time I bought my guy a huge sunflower, which is actually the most masculine flower, and he took care of that damn thing and wouldnt let it die. When I asked him why he cared for it so much he said, “Because no one has ever done anything like that for me before and I wanted to take care of it to show you how much I appreciated you. Plus, a man’s not use to getting flowers.” lmao! Another time I taped a card to the ceiling above the bed for my man to see when he woke up while I was in the kitchen cooking breakfast with ALL of his favorite things. Still to this day he keeps bringing it up as one of the most thoughtful things that any female has ever done for him…and we dont even date any more…lol. *pats myself on the back*.
I have to insert a line or two here on behalf of the INDEPENDENT WOMEN who think like I do. Fellas, I never say it out loud, but I am an independent woman, and how I behave in the streets is not how I am at home. For the world I will not take bull, but I am more than willing to come home and cater to you if the sentiments are mutual. THIS is what a real independent woman is all about. Don’t be afraid to approach us, and don’t let those wanna-be independent women scare you off from the real powerhouses that we are. Trust me, you haven’t had a woman until you’ve had one that can negotiate the closing costs on a house being built and then come home and take care of you in the house. *Wink* And in some points of views….catering to is a form of subtle submission…think about it. So, let your women cater to you…and if she doesn’t…. tell her I SAID BOUNCE!!! And replace her with a real woman.
So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?
Okay…I’m a big girl, I can admit when I need help. So, I needed help trying to figure out what this meant. Because in all honesty, in woman code, this translates to “Shut up woman and fix me some food”. You might as well call me a bitch and put me in geisha make-up. The phrase almost implies that a woman has the power to stop you from being a man, which then suggests the question of “why should I be with you if I can stop you from being a man?”. No, don’t shoot the messenger… I’m just saying…this phrase is looking a little swiss cheese-ish to me.
Well, when I hear it I speculate that he means that he needs to be in control at that moment, or that I have stepped on his manhood a little too much. That is all I can do….. speculate. But… I also think that there are several different ways to let a man be a man, and each one is a sign of how much of a man the woman is dealing with. For instance, my godmother has this way of politely saying my godfather’s name that will shut the sentence down and change the topic. She was letting him be the man, in my opinion, but not embarrassing him nor letting him embarrass himself. He still got to maintain his pride. I have never , and I mean NEVER seen her raise her voice at him. Now what goes on in the privacy of that bedroom when you hear her call his name politely down the hall….that is on them. I am sure they have had disagreements… I have never seen it. The one thing that I have caught by accident is when my dad left his wallet at home after she reminded him to get it, he didn’t. So we’re at the restaurant and he is entertaining friends and family and the check comes. My mother knew what was about to happen, and I saw her playing around in her purse and then she slipped her credit card under the table and into his lap under his hand without missing a beat. THAT was letting my father remain a man so that he could place the card on the table and pay the bill. But, in letting him be a man, she had to be a woman to see what was needed and assist him. I have a STRONG feeling that guys around my age don’t see that as the definition of Letting a Man be a Man. So I asked them.
I asked my 200 Men…..
On my last question I saw pretty much the same response. What does “let the man be the man” mean to you and what should a woman do, or not do, to let the “man be the man”?
And since I never read the comments until I come back through to edit the formatting of the post…. I have no clue what you are about to read. The 200 Men Said….
Danny P: All of this isn’t this complicated. When it’s right, the two involved in the relationship are who they are and the couple is still one. All this [means is] let [it] be [the way in] which [it] is… if [letting] the person be who they are is [them being a ] cheating fool or something… well uh duh
Allen Ozark: ??? not sure.
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Its means, let the man think he’s in control even if you’re in control. Also, all duties that are designed for a man…let him do them even if you’re better. Eventually, if he’s a real man he’ll admit that you’re better at whatever and come to you for assistance, and rightfully so. [2Deep: This man never ceases to amaze me. But let him be in control even when he isnt…..isnt that lying? lol. Okay, Lie to my man. Check!]
DSMILEY1: Let the man be the man: in charge of houses chores like cutting the grass & washing the cars. Sometimes its good to switch out but [it] wouldn’t be the same
: !: it means if you have a Real Man, he leads the household in decisions..basically the King..but that doesn’t mean he is a tyrant. He should listen to advice from his wife and make good decisions. Basically, the way the Bible portrays it.
Lateef25: maybe not nag so much about what you want. just tell him in a nice way or let it go
Kycajrome L: I believe [it] comes from the Old school archetype of when the Man was the provider and fixer of everything in the household…depending how a man was raised some still hold those values ,times are a little diff, but old or new ,Respect is what a MAN wants
on the rocks…: that statement is self explanatory.far be it for a man to explain what it is to be a man.especially to woman these days. they seem to have their own blueprint for us.lol ..check every 3rd female profile and it’ll have a laundry list of what a “REAL” man is
Now you all know that I wasnt going to just STOP at some of these answers. So some side conversations came from them and they went a little something like this:
Vince V: I think that those answers are coming from men who feel insecure about their position in the household and basically wants the woman to run everything through him and let him have the final say so in what goes on in their relationship. when in my opinion a secure man who has good communication with his partner would trust his woman to be able to act as an extension of him to make good decisions with both his and her best interest at heart , but communication being the key. [2Deep: I simply love this answer…. he can stay…lmao]
Me: Sooooooooooo I noticed you said that a “woman to be able to act as an extension of him” What does that mean? And why cant it be the other way around? Just playing devil’s advocate here
Vince V: ok miss devil’s advocate….lol Traditionally the man would always be considered the head of the household because he was the bread-winner. but as times have changed and women have become less dependent on men; whether it be cause of equality between men and women, or financial responsibilities within a relationship. the level of the playing field has evened out, and either one could be considered the “head”. but sticking with tradition, even though the field is even, with the male being the head; any actions performed by the woman would be considered “okayed” by the man, to anyone outside that relationship. which would mean she was just doing it for him cause he cant get to it. Now it can work the other way around but then that would not be a traditional type relationship, plus then you might have a man with a really hurt ego about holding up the appearance of being the man of the house.
Me: Soooooooo what is a woman not suppose to do without her man’s permission?
Vince V: have sex with someone else….j/k lol a woman doesn’t need her man’s permission to do anything….but a woman or a man in a good relationship keeps open lines of communication with each other. especially when decisions that are to be made affect one another.
Me: Okay….so to let a man be a man is to keep an open line of communication with him. That’s it? ( I swear you’re gonna get sick of me…lol) But I am trying to make sure that I understand before I post it.
Vince V: no, to let a man be a man is to let him run everything and make all the decisions and don’t question the things that he does. but i would personally like having the input of my woman in every decision that i make for us, and vice versa .
Me: How is THAT being a man?!!! That sounds like a dictatorship!!!!! OH I SWEAR YALL WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!! lmao
that is just the way life has traditionally put men with women. but like i said, as for me ,i like having the input of my woman cause i feel like it keeps us closer and more in touch with each other
Me: Gotcha! No prob….. I thought that you had great insight… My readers should hear it. Oh.. wait.. my fault. I didn’t let the man be the man. *submits* am I allowed to put your comment on my page? lmao!
Vince V was my favorite response, but I simply had to post my comments from Chub L. He keeps me cracking up and yet he still knows when to be serious. So here are his responses:
Chub L: Let the man be the man – let him get that door etc… Let him do for you what you shouldn’t have to do for yourself as his queen.
Me: That was your answer…. so what am I not suppose to do for myself as his queen?
Chub L:In the world that we live in today – It’s basically everybody for themselves, but my queen shouldn’t have to get her own door, ever. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I don’t have a problem with a woman’s independence at all. Whatever my independent queen will allow me to do for her is gravy. No qualms here. I’m open-minded – we can get the darn door for each other.
Me: So, it really is that important to a man to feel needed in a relationship? But is it just with tangible things? Does a man ever feel the need to be needed emotionally? Meaning, if she doesn’t want you to get the door but needs you to hold her every night… would you feel like less of a man?
Chub L: Being emotionally needed is even more of a necessity. The Queen needs for her king to not only be her rock while she’s awake -but to rock her to sleep and all the more rock her while she’s asleep. It is for the good of both. If my queen is kept happy then hence I will also be kept happy.
So, then… why do you think so much emphasis is placed on a man doing tangible things versus him being there for her in the emotional times?
Chub L : I haven’t got a clue – I can only speak for me – I do both. Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.
Soooooooo are you still as confused as I am? I don’t want to be alone, so don’t leave me out here alone on Confusion Island. I mean, I get it…. but I don’t get it. So, as long as I allow my man to do “things” for me, then he feels like a man and all is gravy. So, I shouldnt have to touch a door in the presence of a man, pull out a chair, or cut my grass ( I don’t know, so I am halfway there), and let him make all of the decisions. I have a feeling that there is a gray area here that is in need of a dye job. It can’t be that friggin simple. So if I live by these few rules I am allowing my man to be a man? SWEET!
Okay, all jokes aside. I think it all boils down to respect. Do I respect my man to hear him out when he verbalizes his needs? Do I validate him when needed? Does he have an equal part in this relationship? I think THAT is where his concerns lay. Anything else is a dictatorship and it isnt going to happen over here. Respect for Respect should be the basis on which this blog should be concluded to. And Scene.
If you checked out my blog yesterday, Lyrically Speaking: Keri Hilson~Intuition [<~Click Here] Then you would already know what this blog is going to be about. Women have the best intuition skills on the face of this earth, but sometimes your signal could be off and you could blame a man who is doing something based on your own fears and insecurities. This is a No, No. There are things that women think they are good at, or things that should occur in a relationship….and those very things could be the thing that breaks up the relationship.
For instance, do we as women listen as much as we like to complain that men don’t listen to us? I would have to say that women are the WORST listeners. Men damn near are forced into listening and women are unaccustomed to doing so. SO, I thought that I would lay somethings out in front of you in plain view.
We often times wonder if things were our fault when it comes to a relationship ending. Did we do something wrong? What could we have done better? Etc. But then we get into our pride, listen to our bitter ass girlfriends and fail to accept our part in a relationship going wrong. Most of the issue is that we didn’t listen to our partner or the warning signs that something was not going the way that it should, yet and still we pretended that all was gravy and ignored it. MISTAKE! We must face facts. And no matter how many hours we spend hovering over a box of Ben and Jerry’s we will always find ourselves blameless. So, I thought that I would ask my 200 Men the following question:
If there were 2 things that you could get women to do (or stop doing) in a relationship to make it work or last longer…what would those 2 things be and why? Send me a message for longer answers.
Now before you read these answers, you have to be open and honest with yourself. Before you go any further I need you to make the promise that you will not negate a single one of these answers. These guys deal with women, therefore they know what has bothered them in a relationship. Are all of these responses going to be about you? No, not unless you have been with all of these guys. But SOMETHING in here will strike a chord and pinch a nerve and you have to be willing to face that fact and be ready to fix it, because if it is listed… then it is a problem.
And the 200 Men Said….
Vince V: sorry I don’t like this question…for one it automatically assumes that it is something that a woman does or doesn’t do that causes relationships to end. when we all that is not true. (just keeping it real) no two relationships r the same, every one ends for different reasons. but if you want to hear the general consensus of the male demographic, the answer to your question would be… be more explicitly sexual and open to diversity in the bedroom, and to domesticate themselves a little more (learn to cook and clean).
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Assuming 2 Much! And Needs 2 Communicate More!..Muahz..Pefect..lol
…….: Stop always acting like everything is about money,and stop acting like everything is about money lol
K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: WELL TWO THINGS ARE STOP ACCUSING A MAN OF BEING OUT WITH OTHER WOMEN AND SECOND , STOP BEING SILENT WHEN SOMTHING IS ON YOUR MIND!
ICE: Shut up lol…and trust me 🙂
Lateef25: not be so dramatic and just think before you react
Aries Brotha: Stop boasting about the intimacy shared in the bedroom. And to stop agonizing about where the relationship is going. Boasting could lead her friends wanting to see what’s up. Relationships evolve so there isn’t really any way to plan the future.
Jerome P: i think women should not assume what a man knows.Tell him whats going on in your head. just because we dont know something about you doesn’t mean we’re not paying attention to you. We don’t pick up on everything so quickly
James F: take care of her appearance and be a good listener
Code Name Bigsexy: 1 NO MALE FRIENDS.2 KNOW WE ARE A TEAM THAT MEANS I HELP YOU AND YOU HELP ME
!: be satisfied with your man’s position in life if he is happy…In other words, if he makes 60000 and content why bash him for not wanting more, or dressing a certain way, etc…just like him for him or make a change in her life.
!A Gentleman! (BBM:30A835CD): If I can get women to stop looking at me or guarding themselves as if I was the man who hurt them. Stop assuming you know us, every man is the not same, we’re not! we are all different.
THIS GUY: stop always trying to be right and stop trying to destroy another peaceful day
James L: To stop treating all guys like their cheaters because of their past relationship experience. You will run the good guy off. Say what you mean!!!! We can’t read between your lines, to many possibilities. Make it plain and simple what you want.
AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE COMMENT CAN FROM :
Prestige “The One And Only”: Control your own confidence level. A man shouldn’t dictate a woman’s love for herself, if ever it gets to the point where I am the sole source of her believing in herself it becomes very unattractive. And never stop setting goals….
I read that comment and I wanted to revert back to southern Baptist Church days. PREACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gone On And Tell ’em The TRUTH, PASSA! (Yes, I said Pass and not Pastor). Don’t ask him if that dress makes you look fast. You knew you looked fat and wanted confirmation. Or you THOUGHT you looked fat and need to hear someone else say the words that mimic the thoughts in your head. That is NOT fair to him. You need a self-check. You need to be able to stand on your own. Confidence is sexy as shit! And the sooner you think you are beautiful is the same minute that the world will begin to agree with you. No self-denial can be included in this. So no obese chicks in 2-piece swimsuits because it doesn’t mean you are confident, that shows you are faking confidence. Nor does it mean that the skinny girl who believes that she has the bomb as body should go around and show everyone. Think about it, some of the most valuable collections of the world are behind glass and locked up where no one can see it or have limited access. Why would you expose your treasure? You are worth being the first to know that you are beautiful and worth being loved. Love yourself first, trust me when I tell you it is a beautiful thing.
Of course I agree with the intro to Vince V’s response and “……”‘s answer cracks me the hell up. But they all hold a good point in them. And even though ICE wants to get jumped… there is a point to his message as well. We must all learn to shut up SOMETIMES and listen just as much as we wish to be listened to.
Aries Brotha makes a great point about boasting and being a bug-a-boo. Ladies… if you read my Advice from the Other Woman blog you would know that you don’t tell your friends SHIT!! If they ask, just say everything is good. Only stupid females and high school chicks share the details of their relationships. STOP IT!!! Your man is telling you that if you tell you must have wanted someone to know so you can’t get mad when he gives a private tutorial to your best friend…lmao. Just kidding, but you catch my drift. And bugging him about where the relationship is headed is a sign that you are desperate. Seriously. If he wants you, you will know it. if you have to ask, then he doesn’t want you. Make yourself less available and show him that you have a life to live with or without him. If he can’t live without you….he’ll be back. So relax ladies, your asking is why your relationships keep failing. Your overall problem is talking, so shut up to your friends and to your man when it comes to where this relationship is headed… lmao. Well, do so in moderation.
And of course, the Bag Lady Effect. Boo, leave Tyrone’s issues with Tyrone. Keith didn’t hurt you, he may in the future, but you dont know that yet. Pain hurts but it makes us stronger. Imagine how many times iron has to be melted, molded, and hit over and over again to get it to a point where it holds up structures, becomes the frame for others. It feels like you are dying, but you wont. TRUST ME! I’ve been through some shit and I am still here. You are not afraid of Love. You are afraid of being hurt by Tyrone. Well you left Tyrone. Be able to think logically and not emotionally so much. This is nothing new. We’ve heard it all before. Now is the time to believe it and understand the effects of it. The men you seek do NOT like these behaviors. If there are things that you want them to change, you too have to be more willing to change the things about you that bother them. But I’m just a girl too. I suggest to myself that I need to follow my advice. And Scene!
So, while on Twitter I asked some of my female followers to hit me up with questions that they wanted my 200 men to answer and I have several questions to ask until I die…lol. But one was in reference to the place of an independent woman in a relationship. Other questions trickled from that one question, but this post will be specifically about an independent woman in her relationship.
Often times we hear how you have to be an independent woman, learn to stand on your own two feet, don’t rely on a man because all men are dogs yadda, yadda, yadda. Then on the flip side, we must learn how to Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. How can I when no one is wanting to give up the man code? lol. Just kidding. But in all seriousness…. the world, right on down to the Bible thumpers, would have you believing that in order to be in a committed relationship you must relinquish your feminine family jewels and trade them in for a hot stove, bare feet and Kate plus 8. How 50’s is that. My last name is NOT Stepford. So, are we allowing the world to tell females everywhere that they cannot excel in order to make a man’s ego feel at ease just to have a relationship? I hope not, because then I am going lesbian.
There has to be a balance, right? There has to be a time where a woman can handle business like a strong and independent woman during the day and be able to submit to her man. Notice I said submit.. not bow down to, not stand behind, not be belittled by. I left my father’s house because I was grown… I BE DAMNED if I go into another man’s house and feel as if I can’t be the strong person that MY FATHER raised me to be in opposition of many of these knuckle heads. So, you actually have the good fathers to blame…lol. And yes, I know I am exaggerating, but if the exaggeration can be handled then everything else will be cleared up in its path as well.
So…. 200 Men were asked:
Often times black women are made to feel bad for being independent women. Do you think that there is a place for an independent woman in a relationship w/ a man or does she have to change?
Ladies, back away from anything that has breath and high levels of testosterone. TRUST ME on this one. I havent even read the comments yet, I never read them before I write my part, so I have no clue what is going to be said.
My men responded with:
DSMILEY1: I like independent women because it makes us grow faster & makes life easier on choices we make together
Chub L: There is nothing wrong with being independent, but also allow a real man to be the man. Hey it’s truly a new day in our wonderful society for different levels off independence, but chivalry does not have to die in order for independence to live.
Kycajrome L: I almost want to say this is a silly question but, I know better, LOL so i’ll say if [you’re] independent you won’t feel bad about being you (with out an attitude)…if some else can’t handle it….
MIAMI’S SON IS BACK !!!: are u serious !! you took the time to ask me that dumb ass question!! but its called self-esteem, meaning the esteem of ones self. so if you have to ask that question, then your not independent !!!! your a poor excuse of a person [2Deep: I had to rip him a new one separately. Funny how people assume that all of these questions are personally mine. I have women sending me questions on Twitter, and even if someone asks, it could be for research purposes and it doesn’t make them dumb.. like this ass! That’s why I am not going to correct his grammar errors. Because if you’re going to call someone else dumb you might want to know how to use “you’re”…lmao!]
!: Never a problem for an independent woman being in a relationship but when it comes to the household, she needs to realize the man is the head of household, it’s a reason God set it that way…just like in all other species. You [can’t] have 2 leaders.
dorrance: yes but u have 2 make time for each other if not then, no, it wont work
DJ Urban Cowboy: I don’t think any [man] wants a woman who can’t support herself. There is little room to flaunt or boast your independence. If [you’re] so independent that you have to boast about it, then you don’t need your man.
Marcel: If a woman would allow herself to be made to feel in such a manner because of her independence then that is not at all a woman. A woman knows what its is in which she desires, wants and deserves.
Code Name Bigsexy: THERE IS ROOM.BUT I THINK THE WOMAN STILL HAS TO LET THE MAN BE THE MAN
Vince V: Yes there is a place for her. as long as she is not always throwing it up in the mans face like she doesnt need him for anything and vice versa. because that would be a lie. to make a “relationship” work it takes 2 people, being there for each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. and no neither person should have to change period unless they want to for some reason. i embrace the independent black women. i think that Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabolous state it best in Ne-Yo’s “Independent Remix”
My FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM:
CHRIST- O: I DONT WANT A WOMAN THAT CANT STAND ON HER OWN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN HAS A GLOW ABOUT HER THATS WHY SHE STANDS OUT IN A CROWD. TWO INDEPENDENT PPL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE.
Get your glow on ladies!!!
Okay… so I lied.. I ended up reading this one as I was going back and editing. I love this one too:
Prestige “The One And Only”: She never has to change, a real woman will never have to compromise who she is naturally. Independent, stubborn, opinionated…is sexy and a black woman will and should remain such while still being able to allow a man to play his role as a provider.
(This comment sparked another question that will come up in a future blog. [Will post link Here])
And of course, when a response catches my attention, I have to jump in and get clarification. So I began a conversation below:
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I know I’m late on this one but I had to really think on it… I don’t think there is anything wrong with an independent woman in or out of a relationship but I don’t think some woman should get into a relationship if they just feel like they don’t want someone they can lean on when they need too. Some women take it to a certain level that can sometimes make their man or anybody feel unnecessary…. Just for example, sometimes the simplest thing like allowing a man to open a door for them… I have experienced women who actually give off an attitude when I have tried to do things like that… And I’m like “Wow, you don’t even want your door opened? That makes you less independent?” And I just think women go overboard with the “Independent Woman” thing.
Me: How are they going overboard?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: They are going overboard because they are starting to take men being polite and chivalrous as trying to impede on their independence.
Me: Oh okay, so how does it make you feel when a woman does that? And how can she be independent and make her man feel validated at the same time?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Everybody wants to feel needed by the person they are with and any real man would be impressed with a woman who can handle her own but if she makes him feel as though he is unnecessary that’s when it gets to be a problem… It’s the simple things… let him open a door, lift a box, yes a woman can do it for herself but a gentleman should never let her. I’m begging women in my life now to do their part in reviving and keeping chivalry alive.
Me: So it makes you feel needed? And you like doing those things? Do you ever think to give her emotional support too? Or must it always be tangible things?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I’m not in a relationship now… but when I was I was more than capable of giving emotional support… but try giving that to a woman who feels like she being babied if a man is just concerned about her. For example I may say “baby are you alright?” because I sense something is wrong with her… her response may be something like “don’t worry about me I’m gonna always be ok… So what am I here for if I don’t or can’t do anything for you?
So, That is a testament to the type of woman who you chose to be with… that is NOT an independent woman. That is a dysfunctional female…lmao!
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Well when they are addressed they identify themselves as independent woman… and if that the case I would hate to view every woman who came off “overly independent” as “dysfunctional women” But I will if I have too…LOL Now on the other hand if you are implying that “independent women” as a whole have perfect balance we would have to agree to disagree and I would do so purely from my personal experiences.
Me: I disagree because a person who must announce does not or is not. You don’t go around on a daily basis shouting “I’m a Man!” So, if she feels she is truly independent people will tell her, but you will never hear her cast that title on herself. It is the imbalanced and dysfunctional females playing dress-up in a real woman’s clothing that feel the need to shout how independent that they are. Because, in all honesty, an independent woman can’t wait for a man… THE RIGHT MAN…to come along and compliment her strength. When she feels safe enough, she will hand him her entire load and gladly let him have it so that she can be power woman at the office and a catered woman at night. So again… we mustn’t let our experiences overshadow the facts of the matter. If I let my experiences with dudes overshadow the facts of what a man is supposed to be…..we wouldnt even be having this conversation. So I’ll continue to separate dogs from men if you promise to separate faux females in dress-up mode from independent women. Because Independent woman does not mean independent from the love and support of a man, it means she is independent from the stereotypes placed on her by association with her gender and excels in spite of barriers. Capiche?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Capiche! You have my word and trust I’m not saying that I don’t have hope that I will one day find a woman of that caliber I just can’t speak on what hasn’t happened… But my eyes, heart and mind are open the very possibility of that opportunity…
Me: Until then… you can’t say that you have come in contact with an independent woman then. You have come in contact with women who are trying to prove that they are independent and failing miserably. lol
And then it hit me….. these guys are responding the way that they are because there are imposters out there wearing an Independent Woman’s clothes! Yes…. just as there are boys out there sporting a man’s attire, we have imposters on the woman’s side as well. So, the guys aren’t upset with a true independent woman, but rather her flunkie; her wanna be. This is completely understandable. And unfortunately, there is no way to show him what an independent woman is because much like good men, by the time the people who need to them they have stopped believing in their existence it is seeming too late because the indepedent women have given up. But there is hope.. I know there is. Like I said above, if I havent let me viewpoint of a man change because of a few bad ones, I just ask that men not let their view of the independent woman be tainted because a few imposters just can’t get it right. Each person is an individual and independent of your past relationships and experiences…. this is my belief.
I searched high and low for a song that I thought would speak of a woman’s worth that was not sung by Maxwell or Alicia Keys. I also wanted to mix that with a song that sang of an appreciation for an independent woman who was not put to a rap beat or came within ten feet of Destiny’s Child or Ne-Yo. So one day, listening to my Rhapsody playlist I came across one of my favorite singers, Lyfe Jennings, and his song Hero. Eureka! This is what the juggling of one’s balls must feel like… because I got a great feeling in my happy place when I heard this song. I thought…. this is as subliminal of a message as you can get when it comes to being an independent woman.
Tomorrow you will get to read my blog about what 200 Men Said…. An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here to Read]….but today I wanted to celebrate her. I wanted to celebrate the independent woman free of a bitter bitch anthem and really vibe out to her without even saying the words “independent woman”…well, outside of this intro. Because a REAL independent woman does, a wannabe shouts about it. You will NEVER hear a REAL independent woman claim the title, but everyone else will call her one. It is in the core of who she is and everyone around her can feel her independent power and never feel negated by that power. And I wanted to celebrate her with a Lyrically Speaking song that many may not have heard;I think that Lyfe did a wonderful job in capturing that.
I see the opening of the video very reminiscent of a Superman meets Clark Kent moment. She should start in her Clark Kent stage with her hair down, cute little house dress via Victoria Secrets. Nothing kinky looking but short and regular but still seductive in nature. Think, her wearing his button-up or his college football jersey, etc. The shot should be Lyfe sitting at the kitchen table finishing off dinner as he starts singing and then gets up to put his plate in the sink walking directly up behind his “Hero”. And he should grab her and maaaaaaybe give her a pelvic thrust on the last line.
Verse 1
Superman can’t cook chicken like this, (this)* And Wonder Woman can’t french kiss, (kiss) Aladdin only gave me one wish (wish), That’s yo body
She playfully pushes him away and starts to back up because she knows where this is heading. Lyfe follows and presses her up against the wall just as he says the last line.
Spiderman don’t forgive me when I’m wrong, (wrong) Batman don’t look good in that thong, (thong) Catwoman don’t keep me rock this long (long) That’s yo body
Then I think that he should stay still as she leaves from under him. He then turns and leans on the wall where she once was as there is a speed reel like in Adam Sandler’s movie CLICK where he presses fast forward and everything but him speeds up. His “Hero” is shown getting the kids ready for extracurricular activities like football and karate practice, leaving to take them and returning. Leaving to get groceries, and returning with bags. She drops one in fast mode and “Regular Speed” Lyfe catches the bag and sets it on the counter. She’s even seen cleaning the house and putting the kids to bed before it comes back to regular speed as she is closing the door to the kids’ room; throughout this Lyfe is walking regular speed.
[Chorus:] It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty It’s the hero song everybody sing along. You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away. You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray, The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.
She is seen walking seductively down the hallway headed towards Lyfe who is sitting at a keyboard. She places a bowl of soup on the table next to him right before she straddles across his lap and they are looking into his each other’s eyes before they kiss. Lyfe picks her up and walks over to the bed and gently lays her down as the shot pans beyond him to the window to watch the sky change from night to day.
Verse 2
Wolverine can’t cheer me up when I’m sad, (sad) Captain America can’t slow dance, (dance) Hulk can’t make a boy feel like a man (man) That’s Yo body
Aguaman can’t work a job with two kids, (kids) Iceman can’t cook soup when I’m sick, (sick) Wonder Twins don’t know how to work this stick (stick, stick) That’s yo body
[CHORUS]
It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty It’s the hero song everybody sing along. You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away. You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray, The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.
As the view pans back out Lyfe is laying in bed by himself asleep as she walks into view fully dressed for work but now she is in Superman mode; hair in a bun, power suit, and heels with brief case. She shakes him and walks out of the room. Now every shot her “Superman” outfit changes. She gets to the hallway to call for the kids and she looks like a Doctor, walks into the kitchen to hand them their lunches and she now looks like a police offer. Walking to the front door she looks like a waitress. By then Lyfe has made it there and given her a kiss and as the shot goes to her pulling back from the kiss in front of the open door.The next shot is her outside as she closes the front door to head to the car as a pregnant stay-at-home mom.
Up and away (up and away) off to work she leaves, back at four thirttttttty, we’ll make love till we fall asleep, when we wake up, she’ll put on that cape again, me and my hero, me and angel, me and my girl and my best friend.
Lyfe goes into the kitchen and pours himself a bowl of cereal and walks into the family room and sits on the couch during this next few bars.
You are my hero (hero) you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, the greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away, you are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray. the greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away. (yeah)
Just as he sits, his “Hero” is seen walking into the house with the 3 kids running past her, no longer pregnant. She stops in the doorway and she undoes the bun in her hair as Lyfe calls her into the family room where Captain America & Friends is on TV. She is now back in the same mode that she was in at the start of the video; loose hair, glasses, and comfortable cute house dress with footy socks. She sits down & cuddles next to him and he hands her the bowl of cereal and wraps his arms around her as the song goes off.
Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing along Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing … Shorty this the hero song everybody sing along, Shorty this the hero song, thank you for singing along
Yeh…. if I had a say so in the video…. that is EXACTLY how I would direct it. I think it tells a tale of how the every day woman can, in fact, be a hero. These are the unsung independent women that don’t seek praise nor boast about their independent power, but they are independent women just the same. I don’t know Lyfe’s intentions when he wrote the song, but I am in LOVE with it. It is my own personal anthem because this is the kind of woman who I am and would like to continue to be. So, I salute Lyfe for this song and I salute the true independent women who don’t apologize for being the women that they are because they don’t have to. And that is said without attitude or pride. Dont get that confused with the need to shout your independence from the mountain tops running all the good men away. Or feeling that you need to shout it to get a strong man to want to be with you. Trust me, wannabes…..if you shut the fuck up… he will come. lmao! And that is all I have to say about that.
These are gonna be the longest 3 years. But we’ll be here waiting for your return Lyfe. God bless!
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So, after doing my 200 Men Said….Let a Man be a Man [<~Click Here] blog, I realized that there is so much emphasis in men wanting to DO things to and for women. It is as if it is in their genetic coding to be a doer. But also, it is in my genetic coding as a woman to take care of and for my man. I am very old fashion in this thinking. I can’t wait until I am married ( IN NO RUSH) so that I can be a power woman at the office during the day [Read 200 Men Said….Independent Woman] and then head home to cook dinner, run my man’s bath water and meet him at the door to take his coat and shoes. Yes, I , 2Deep, have been brainwashed as a 50’s housewife…. but that is something that I really want to do when I get married. Notice I said married… er’ybody doesnt deserve, nor should they get, this treatment. You need to reserve some things for your marriage. Now… back to the 50’s.
I searched high and low for a song that I thought would speak of a 
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 