So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?
Okay…I’m a big girl, I can admit when I need help. So, I needed help trying to figure out what this meant. Because in all honesty, in woman code, this translates to “Shut up woman and fix me some food”. You might as well call me a bitch and put me in geisha make-up. The phrase almost implies that a woman has the power to stop you from being a man, which then suggests the question of “why should I be with you if I can stop you from being a man?”. No, don’t shoot the messenger… I’m just saying…this phrase is looking a little swiss cheese-ish to me.
Well, when I hear it I speculate that he means that he needs to be in control at that moment, or that I have stepped on his manhood a little too much. That is all I can do….. speculate. But… I also think that there are several different ways to let a man be a man, and each one is a sign of how much of a man the woman is dealing with. For instance, my godmother has this way of politely saying my godfather’s name that will shut the sentence down and change the topic. She was letting him be the man, in my opinion, but not embarrassing him nor letting him embarrass himself. He still got to maintain his pride. I have never , and I mean NEVER seen her raise her voice at him. Now what goes on in the privacy of that bedroom when you hear her call his name politely down the hall….that is on them. I am sure they have had disagreements… I have never seen it. The one thing that I have caught by accident is when my dad left his wallet at home after she reminded him to get it, he didn’t. So we’re at the restaurant and he is entertaining friends and family and the check comes. My mother knew what was about to happen, and I saw her playing around in her purse and then she slipped her credit card under the table and into his lap under his hand without missing a beat. THAT was letting my father remain a man so that he could place the card on the table and pay the bill. But, in letting him be a man, she had to be a woman to see what was needed and assist him. I have a STRONG feeling that guys around my age don’t see that as the definition of Letting a Man be a Man. So I asked them.
I asked my 200 Men…..
On my last question I saw pretty much the same response. What does “let the man be the man” mean to you and what should a woman do, or not do, to let the “man be the man”?
And since I never read the comments until I come back through to edit the formatting of the post…. I have no clue what you are about to read. The 200 Men Said….
Danny P: All of this isn’t this complicated. When it’s right, the two involved in the relationship are who they are and the couple is still one. All this [means is] let [it] be [the way in] which [it] is… if [letting] the person be who they are is [them being a ] cheating fool or something… well uh duh
Allen Ozark: ??? not sure.
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Its means, let the man think he’s in control even if you’re in control. Also, all duties that are designed for a man…let him do them even if you’re better. Eventually, if he’s a real man he’ll admit that you’re better at whatever and come to you for assistance, and rightfully so. [2Deep: This man never ceases to amaze me. But let him be in control even when he isnt…..isnt that lying? lol. Okay, Lie to my man. Check!]
DSMILEY1: Let the man be the man: in charge of houses chores like cutting the grass & washing the cars. Sometimes its good to switch out but [it] wouldn’t be the same
: !: it means if you have a Real Man, he leads the household in decisions..basically the King..but that doesn’t mean he is a tyrant. He should listen to advice from his wife and make good decisions. Basically, the way the Bible portrays it.
Lateef25: maybe not nag so much about what you want. just tell him in a nice way or let it go
Kycajrome L: I believe [it] comes from the Old school archetype of when the Man was the provider and fixer of everything in the household…depending how a man was raised some still hold those values ,times are a little diff, but old or new ,Respect is what a MAN wants
on the rocks…: that statement is self explanatory.far be it for a man to explain what it is to be a man.especially to woman these days. they seem to have their own blueprint for us.lol ..check every 3rd female profile and it’ll have a laundry list of what a “REAL” man is
Now you all know that I wasnt going to just STOP at some of these answers. So some side conversations came from them and they went a little something like this:
Vince V: I think that those answers are coming from men who feel insecure about their position in the household and basically wants the woman to run everything through him and let him have the final say so in what goes on in their relationship. when in my opinion a secure man who has good communication with his partner would trust his woman to be able to act as an extension of him to make good decisions with both his and her best interest at heart , but communication being the key. [2Deep: I simply love this answer…. he can stay…lmao]
Me: Sooooooooooo I noticed you said that a “woman to be able to act as an extension of him” What does that mean? And why cant it be the other way around? Just playing devil’s advocate here
Vince V: ok miss devil’s advocate….lol Traditionally the man would always be considered the head of the household because he was the bread-winner. but as times have changed and women have become less dependent on men; whether it be cause of equality between men and women, or financial responsibilities within a relationship. the level of the playing field has evened out, and either one could be considered the “head”. but sticking with tradition, even though the field is even, with the male being the head; any actions performed by the woman would be considered “okayed” by the man, to anyone outside that relationship. which would mean she was just doing it for him cause he cant get to it. Now it can work the other way around but then that would not be a traditional type relationship, plus then you might have a man with a really hurt ego about holding up the appearance of being the man of the house.
Me: Soooooooo what is a woman not suppose to do without her man’s permission?
Vince V: have sex with someone else….j/k lol a woman doesn’t need her man’s permission to do anything….but a woman or a man in a good relationship keeps open lines of communication with each other. especially when decisions that are to be made affect one another.
Me: Okay….so to let a man be a man is to keep an open line of communication with him. That’s it? ( I swear you’re gonna get sick of me…lol) But I am trying to make sure that I understand before I post it.
Vince V: no, to let a man be a man is to let him run everything and make all the decisions and don’t question the things that he does. but i would personally like having the input of my woman in every decision that i make for us, and vice versa .
Me: How is THAT being a man?!!! That sounds like a dictatorship!!!!! OH I SWEAR YALL WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!! lmao
that is just the way life has traditionally put men with women. but like i said, as for me ,i like having the input of my woman cause i feel like it keeps us closer and more in touch with each other
Me: Gotcha! No prob….. I thought that you had great insight… My readers should hear it. Oh.. wait.. my fault. I didn’t let the man be the man. *submits* am I allowed to put your comment on my page? lmao!
Vince V was my favorite response, but I simply had to post my comments from Chub L. He keeps me cracking up and yet he still knows when to be serious. So here are his responses:
Chub L: Let the man be the man – let him get that door etc… Let him do for you what you shouldn’t have to do for yourself as his queen.
Me: That was your answer…. so what am I not suppose to do for myself as his queen?
Chub L:In the world that we live in today – It’s basically everybody for themselves, but my queen shouldn’t have to get her own door, ever. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I don’t have a problem with a woman’s independence at all. Whatever my independent queen will allow me to do for her is gravy. No qualms here. I’m open-minded – we can get the darn door for each other.
Me: So, it really is that important to a man to feel needed in a relationship? But is it just with tangible things? Does a man ever feel the need to be needed emotionally? Meaning, if she doesn’t want you to get the door but needs you to hold her every night… would you feel like less of a man?
Chub L: Being emotionally needed is even more of a necessity. The Queen needs for her king to not only be her rock while she’s awake -but to rock her to sleep and all the more rock her while she’s asleep. It is for the good of both. If my queen is kept happy then hence I will also be kept happy.
So, then… why do you think so much emphasis is placed on a man doing tangible things versus him being there for her in the emotional times?
Chub L : I haven’t got a clue – I can only speak for me – I do both. Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.
Soooooooo are you still as confused as I am? I don’t want to be alone, so don’t leave me out here alone on Confusion Island. I mean, I get it…. but I don’t get it. So, as long as I allow my man to do “things” for me, then he feels like a man and all is gravy. So, I shouldnt have to touch a door in the presence of a man, pull out a chair, or cut my grass ( I don’t know, so I am halfway there), and let him make all of the decisions. I have a feeling that there is a gray area here that is in need of a dye job. It can’t be that friggin simple. So if I live by these few rules I am allowing my man to be a man? SWEET!
Okay, all jokes aside. I think it all boils down to respect. Do I respect my man to hear him out when he verbalizes his needs? Do I validate him when needed? Does he have an equal part in this relationship? I think THAT is where his concerns lay. Anything else is a dictatorship and it isnt going to happen over here. Respect for Respect should be the basis on which this blog should be concluded to. And Scene.
So, while on Twitter I asked some of my female followers to hit me up with questions that they wanted my 200 men to answer and I have several questions to ask until I die…lol. But one was in reference to the place of an independent woman in a relationship. Other questions trickled from that one question, but this post will be specifically about an independent woman in her relationship.
Often times we hear how you have to be an independent woman, learn to stand on your own two feet, don’t rely on a man because all men are dogs yadda, yadda, yadda. Then on the flip side, we must learn how to Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. How can I when no one is wanting to give up the man code? lol. Just kidding. But in all seriousness…. the world, right on down to the Bible thumpers, would have you believing that in order to be in a committed relationship you must relinquish your feminine family jewels and trade them in for a hot stove, bare feet and Kate plus 8. How 50’s is that. My last name is NOT Stepford. So, are we allowing the world to tell females everywhere that they cannot excel in order to make a man’s ego feel at ease just to have a relationship? I hope not, because then I am going lesbian.
There has to be a balance, right? There has to be a time where a woman can handle business like a strong and independent woman during the day and be able to submit to her man. Notice I said submit.. not bow down to, not stand behind, not be belittled by. I left my father’s house because I was grown… I BE DAMNED if I go into another man’s house and feel as if I can’t be the strong person that MY FATHER raised me to be in opposition of many of these knuckle heads. So, you actually have the good fathers to blame…lol. And yes, I know I am exaggerating, but if the exaggeration can be handled then everything else will be cleared up in its path as well.
So…. 200 Men were asked:
Often times black women are made to feel bad for being independent women. Do you think that there is a place for an independent woman in a relationship w/ a man or does she have to change?
Ladies, back away from anything that has breath and high levels of testosterone. TRUST ME on this one. I havent even read the comments yet, I never read them before I write my part, so I have no clue what is going to be said.
My men responded with:
DSMILEY1: I like independent women because it makes us grow faster & makes life easier on choices we make together
Chub L: There is nothing wrong with being independent, but also allow a real man to be the man. Hey it’s truly a new day in our wonderful society for different levels off independence, but chivalry does not have to die in order for independence to live.
Kycajrome L: I almost want to say this is a silly question but, I know better, LOL so i’ll say if [you’re] independent you won’t feel bad about being you (with out an attitude)…if some else can’t handle it….
MIAMI’S SON IS BACK !!!: are u serious !! you took the time to ask me that dumb ass question!! but its called self-esteem, meaning the esteem of ones self. so if you have to ask that question, then your not independent !!!! your a poor excuse of a person [2Deep: I had to rip him a new one separately. Funny how people assume that all of these questions are personally mine. I have women sending me questions on Twitter, and even if someone asks, it could be for research purposes and it doesn’t make them dumb.. like this ass! That’s why I am not going to correct his grammar errors. Because if you’re going to call someone else dumb you might want to know how to use “you’re”…lmao!]
!: Never a problem for an independent woman being in a relationship but when it comes to the household, she needs to realize the man is the head of household, it’s a reason God set it that way…just like in all other species. You [can’t] have 2 leaders.
dorrance: yes but u have 2 make time for each other if not then, no, it wont work
DJ Urban Cowboy: I don’t think any [man] wants a woman who can’t support herself. There is little room to flaunt or boast your independence. If [you’re] so independent that you have to boast about it, then you don’t need your man.
Marcel: If a woman would allow herself to be made to feel in such a manner because of her independence then that is not at all a woman. A woman knows what its is in which she desires, wants and deserves.
Code Name Bigsexy: THERE IS ROOM.BUT I THINK THE WOMAN STILL HAS TO LET THE MAN BE THE MAN
Vince V: Yes there is a place for her. as long as she is not always throwing it up in the mans face like she doesnt need him for anything and vice versa. because that would be a lie. to make a “relationship” work it takes 2 people, being there for each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. and no neither person should have to change period unless they want to for some reason. i embrace the independent black women. i think that Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabolous state it best in Ne-Yo’s “Independent Remix”
My FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM:
CHRIST- O: I DONT WANT A WOMAN THAT CANT STAND ON HER OWN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN HAS A GLOW ABOUT HER THATS WHY SHE STANDS OUT IN A CROWD. TWO INDEPENDENT PPL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE.
Get your glow on ladies!!!
Okay… so I lied.. I ended up reading this one as I was going back and editing. I love this one too:
Prestige “The One And Only”: She never has to change, a real woman will never have to compromise who she is naturally. Independent, stubborn, opinionated…is sexy and a black woman will and should remain such while still being able to allow a man to play his role as a provider.
(This comment sparked another question that will come up in a future blog. [Will post link Here])
And of course, when a response catches my attention, I have to jump in and get clarification. So I began a conversation below:
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I know I’m late on this one but I had to really think on it… I don’t think there is anything wrong with an independent woman in or out of a relationship but I don’t think some woman should get into a relationship if they just feel like they don’t want someone they can lean on when they need too. Some women take it to a certain level that can sometimes make their man or anybody feel unnecessary…. Just for example, sometimes the simplest thing like allowing a man to open a door for them… I have experienced women who actually give off an attitude when I have tried to do things like that… And I’m like “Wow, you don’t even want your door opened? That makes you less independent?” And I just think women go overboard with the “Independent Woman” thing.
Me: How are they going overboard?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: They are going overboard because they are starting to take men being polite and chivalrous as trying to impede on their independence.
Me: Oh okay, so how does it make you feel when a woman does that? And how can she be independent and make her man feel validated at the same time?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Everybody wants to feel needed by the person they are with and any real man would be impressed with a woman who can handle her own but if she makes him feel as though he is unnecessary that’s when it gets to be a problem… It’s the simple things… let him open a door, lift a box, yes a woman can do it for herself but a gentleman should never let her. I’m begging women in my life now to do their part in reviving and keeping chivalry alive.
Me: So it makes you feel needed? And you like doing those things? Do you ever think to give her emotional support too? Or must it always be tangible things?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I’m not in a relationship now… but when I was I was more than capable of giving emotional support… but try giving that to a woman who feels like she being babied if a man is just concerned about her. For example I may say “baby are you alright?” because I sense something is wrong with her… her response may be something like “don’t worry about me I’m gonna always be ok… So what am I here for if I don’t or can’t do anything for you?
So, That is a testament to the type of woman who you chose to be with… that is NOT an independent woman. That is a dysfunctional female…lmao!
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Well when they are addressed they identify themselves as independent woman… and if that the case I would hate to view every woman who came off “overly independent” as “dysfunctional women” But I will if I have too…LOL Now on the other hand if you are implying that “independent women” as a whole have perfect balance we would have to agree to disagree and I would do so purely from my personal experiences.
Me: I disagree because a person who must announce does not or is not. You don’t go around on a daily basis shouting “I’m a Man!” So, if she feels she is truly independent people will tell her, but you will never hear her cast that title on herself. It is the imbalanced and dysfunctional females playing dress-up in a real woman’s clothing that feel the need to shout how independent that they are. Because, in all honesty, an independent woman can’t wait for a man… THE RIGHT MAN…to come along and compliment her strength. When she feels safe enough, she will hand him her entire load and gladly let him have it so that she can be power woman at the office and a catered woman at night. So again… we mustn’t let our experiences overshadow the facts of the matter. If I let my experiences with dudes overshadow the facts of what a man is supposed to be…..we wouldnt even be having this conversation. So I’ll continue to separate dogs from men if you promise to separate faux females in dress-up mode from independent women. Because Independent woman does not mean independent from the love and support of a man, it means she is independent from the stereotypes placed on her by association with her gender and excels in spite of barriers. Capiche?
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Capiche! You have my word and trust I’m not saying that I don’t have hope that I will one day find a woman of that caliber I just can’t speak on what hasn’t happened… But my eyes, heart and mind are open the very possibility of that opportunity…
Me: Until then… you can’t say that you have come in contact with an independent woman then. You have come in contact with women who are trying to prove that they are independent and failing miserably. lol
And then it hit me….. these guys are responding the way that they are because there are imposters out there wearing an Independent Woman’s clothes! Yes…. just as there are boys out there sporting a man’s attire, we have imposters on the woman’s side as well. So, the guys aren’t upset with a true independent woman, but rather her flunkie; her wanna be. This is completely understandable. And unfortunately, there is no way to show him what an independent woman is because much like good men, by the time the people who need to them they have stopped believing in their existence it is seeming too late because the indepedent women have given up. But there is hope.. I know there is. Like I said above, if I havent let me viewpoint of a man change because of a few bad ones, I just ask that men not let their view of the independent woman be tainted because a few imposters just can’t get it right. Each person is an individual and independent of your past relationships and experiences…. this is my belief.
So, by now you should have read my other post “200 Men Said….Value of a Black Woman” (<~Click Here to Read It). Well this is part 2. I thought that I would take the question and concern of that blog and take it a step further.
The same diva who gave me the idea for that blog brought up the concern of white guys showing her love when she was out and about. She said that white guys see her and give her love but they are hesitant to speak up and come and get her. She felt that it was confusing, their actions….and she wanted to know why. I told her that men are doers. If they want you, they will come get you, and if they dont…then they won’t. So it has nothing to do with race, it has to do with him wanting you for that moment versus taking you home. But I wanted to see what guys thought about that, white guys to be specific. So I flipped the question from the last post and asked my white guys.
About 20 of my White guys from 200 Men Said…. were asked:
Many black women don’t feel as if black men value them. As a non-black man, do you think that black men value their women? Have you/Would you date a black woman over your own race? Send me a note/message for longer answers.
They all came back with great responses but I thought that I would post a few specific conversations that gave me the most information. I think you will love it!! My first conversation came from Code name Big Sexy, and this is how it went:
Code Name Bigsexy: i only date black women and as far as black men you can never say a group of people do or don’t do anything
Me: If you don’t mind me asking, why do you ( as a non-black) solely date black women? When did you first date a black woman? I’m trying to help a friend of mine understand, so your input would be very helpful! Thanks.
Code Name Bigsexy: i just am attracted to black women.i grew up in [an] apt complex where every 1 was black so i guess when in rome.i have been with black women all my life in fact i have never been with a white woman
Me: WOW!!! NEVER!!!? So, if the opportunity were to arise, would you date a white woman? Are you attracted about ANYTHING on a white woman? And I know this sounds cliché, but do you see color? What specifically about black women do you like. The more detailed the better?
Code Name Bigsexy: i might but she would have [to be] so bad!!i love dark hair and tan to dark skin so to find a white woman with dark hair and tan skin that’s very hard.black women i just like everything from sharp outlined lips to the shine of the dark hair.to the bow outward thighs and the way gold shines against their skin.really it is endless for me i could tell you things i like forever.lol and i love a woman with their hair done up real sharp
Me: Awwww sooky sooky now!!!! Okay.So, when you are out and about and you see a black woman who you like…. how do you approach her?
Code Name Bigsexy: well im smug so a go slam at her.if shes got nice shoes i go there, if shes got a nice body i might start with omg you are bad.then just go from there
Me: Okay, so if you like the way a lady looks, but you’re not feeling her… do you speak or try to get her number? I know that is plain common sense, but humor me. I ask because, a friend of mine told me that the white guys give her love but that they need to stop being scared and make a move. I told her that men DO. And if he doesn’t, then he wasnt feeling you…and that has NOTHINg to do with race. Was I wrong to tell her that?
Code Name Bigsexy: nope if im not feeling you im gone, sexy or not.you’re right, i guess, but some men (not me) but some fear a woman and what she might say.
I have to keep the rest of this conversation to myself because he didn’t want to be held responsible for giving away the man code! lmao! But I think that this was more than enough info to help women see how one white man feels about black women and how he chooses to value them. I simply love my conversations with Code Name Bigsexy. He has some great insight.
The next person who branched off into a conversation with me was Danny P. Danny P is a newbie to my 200 Men, but I enjoy his insight as well. Our conversation went something like this:
Danny P: short answer: [I] thought of the examples I’ve seen first hand, [&] made columns of has shown vs has not shown. more [were in the column of ] has not shown. i find almost the same results when listing others i know. i’d date any race
Me: Can you please expound? What kind of examples?
Danny P: i just literally made two columns… one was [they] did value, the other [they] did not value. more examples were [in the] did not value [column]. [The women being] cheated on was the biggest example of [how they]did not value. another would be [them being] straight up disrespectful etc.
Me: So, what forms of disrespect have you witnessed? I am learning as you speak…so thanks for being open
Danny P: lol feel like i’m being put on the spot am i being asked cuz i’m white, and you’re trying to see if i pre judge black people? i mean i am simply going by life experiences, which in the end is all we can go by in any real honesty. and, to be honest, i have had times in my life where i was disrespectful as well… so no room to judge others. i’ve had times where, as a boy, i tried to be a man… and failed. miserably. do i think black men are singled out as the only race who disrespect women, hell no. i also think any person, at any time is capable of disrespect and disappointing behavior. that being said, yes, the examples i’ve been witness too haven’t been that great all the time. one of the people in my life i consider a brother, though a good man, couldn’t stop cheating on the women he’s been with. cuz he’s black? no, probably cuz of issues with women in the past that never got dealt with. could be fear of death, could be a million reasons. hes’ aware of his issues and i believe he’s probably working on them. hell next we could talk about the times i’ve been robbed or attempted robbed in my life. i’ve never been robbed by anyone other than a black man. now does that mean i think only black men rob people.. Nope. a person is gonna find people let them down. human condition, expectations vs. reality. people can never live up to what we expect. when we love each other we try. lol i feel a book coming on, but still should get back to the book i’m actually hoping to work on and finish for once so i’ll cut it here. i do appreciate the deep questions, and i appreciate that you’re an intelligent woman. have a great day 🙂
I understood everything that Danny was saying. As an outsider, he could only go by what he saw. And yes, I was asking him because he was white, but I think that it was an outsider’s eye that I needed. I would never ask him to see if he pre-judged people, but because I needed another person’s opinion. But he made sense when he made me see that ANY man can be disrespectful, can cheat, can rob, can not value their woman. it was NOT about race. I guess I knew that all a long but for journalistic purposes I thought that I would ask the question any way. It was about valuing what you have regardless of color/race. I got that. I appreciated his honesty. It was so sexy…lol.
On the flip side…. it did bring up the idea that “outsiders” could see what we insiders see too. What did that say? Was it something that should be changed? it made me fear that we would go into hiding with our problems when i fact we needed to expose them and fix them. So, is every race willing to help value each other, or would we continue to complain about this issue? I guess it was best put by this statement by another one of my White 200 Men:
Patrick: Assholes come in all different colors…
So…. I had our black men comment and I had our white guys comment…. well, what about our in betweens? Well, our mixed guys had a comment on the issue as well. Vince V helped represent for the mixed men and our conversation went like this:
Vince V: Its funny that you asked me this question. I believe that the black woman is one of GOD’s greatest creations. She is strong, beautiful, and talented enough to succeed at whatever endeavor she sets her mind to. As far as dating outside my race, i am mixed with blk and white so technically I never have. What i can tell you is that i have only dated two white females in my life time, and through those experiences i realized that being with a black woman is what i need in my life to succeed and to be happy.
Me: Wow! So, what about those experience, if you dont mid me asking…. made you feel as if a black woman was what you needed? And which of your parents is black?
Vince V: During one of those relationships I was young and was looking see what the world had to offer me. She was just about games and doin her. The second one is a really long story; but in short she brought me down to a very low place in my life. And I then met a real friend who happened to be a black female; who helped lift me up and out of the dilemma that I was in. After that I vowed that I would never mess with another white girl again. I realized from that friend that I only had room in my life for someone who was strong as well as beautiful. And with that being said I have just not been attracted to any race of women other than black . Dont get me wrong im not saying that women of other races arent beautiful too, but im just not attracted to them. My father is the one that is black.
Me: So, …and I am just asking… do you feel that your not dating white is in any way cutting out your mother’s side of yourself?
Vince V: My mother would want me to be with whomever made me happy. Her family is estranged from her because she chose to love who she loved.
So, how is it that a white woman fell in love with a black man and raised a mixed son that loves black women. I doubt that his mother would care who he fell in love with….. so why is it so hard for black women to allow their brothers, fathers, uncles, and sons to love whoever makes them happy? I think this is an insecurity issue on the part of many black women. I have no clue as to where to find the answer to fix this problem but I think it has to deal with self-love. Love yourself first. If you do that , you will not be concerned with who is loving whom because you will be content. When there is true, pure, and content love there is seldom room for hate or opposition. I think this is an issue because we will not let it die. Love….. we must love to get love, and that means that we must allow love to exist in all forms. To suppress one form of love is an indirect way of putting a noose on love everywhere. So, in closing…. I love you…and whomever you choose to love. I pray that they love you back unconditionally.
This blog entry is to set the record straight, ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! So, while clowning on twitter ( @_2Deep_) a friend on mine hit me up and wanted me to ask my 200 men a question that has been burning up inside of her. Now, what kind of friend would I be to deny her of a stage?
She mentioned to me that while out and about at clubs she noticed that several black men were clinging heavily to white women, or women of other races in general, but you never really see them clinging to us black women in the same fashion. THESE ARE HER WORDS AND SENTIMENTS, DO NOT… I REPEAT, DO NOT SHOOT THE MESSENGER!!! So she wanted to know why was this the case. Why are, in her opinion, black men more affectionate and willing to date those who are outside of their race and not do the same for those who resemble themselves? She said it made her feel as if black men did not value black women the way that women of other races were valued. On “some” points I agreed with her. I too think that there are times when black men do not value us as much as they should, but I never looked at it as they value us less than other races. I say this because, I believe that black women are to be valued differently, therefore to compare out value to another race of women is invalid. I say this because majority of the time, the way that men, in general, value other races…a black woman would see as belittling, or would see as weak…which in return causes relationship issues….so this discussion is somewhat invalid. I think this is an in-house problem that needs to be corrected. But, since that was not the issue that was brought to the table, I had to reach out to my guys and ask them to directly answer her question. And let me tell you… the uproar from my guys that came back was a sight to see….but good to see it in ink.
So I stuck my neck out on the chopping block, because you just know that when you generalize a question or say that you are asking for a friend that automatically makes people think you are asking for yourself…lol. Well, on this one, I really am asking for someone else, but I am learning from the responses as well. Now, my 200 Men were asked:
Many black women don’t feel as if black men value them. As a black man, do you value black women over other races? Would you date/have you dated outside of your race? Why? Send me a note/message for longer answers.
And they answered with:
WWW . (dirty) . com: never dated out of my race and never will–i love a chocolate woman…[they’re] so pink inside….. [2Deep: I have absolutely no clue what this means or if this is even a compliment, but at least he loves his black women…lol]
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**:I would have to say that I definitely value black women over any and every other race. I have dated outside my race before but I could not say that I have ever considered marrying and spending my life with anything but a black woman. I am amazed at the strength and loyalty of a good black woman once they believe they have a man they can pour into completely.
Dezi: I love my sisters and i never thought about going outside of my race. And if i do [it’s] my choice as it is the next black man’s or woman’s. Not about race it’s about being happy.
”DUKE” BANNER: i would never disrespect my queen. never dated outside my race but im not [racist]
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I would never de-valued (lol) a black woman, that’s basically saying i don’t have respect [for] all the strong black women in my family. I would never put another race over the other. I haven’t dated outside my race but I’m not ruling that out either. If i happen to meet someone of different race I’m okay with that.
!: I value black women over other races but since i have native and european blood way down the lines near the end of slavery I’m open to dating any race. It’s about the person and not color to me…my preference though is a black woman first.
http://www.twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: It’s definitely not a race issue its a faith issue. I would absolutely date outside my race the heart doesn’t have color. I have dated other races before.
MR. LOVING: I feel I do & I haven’t had the chance to date outside my race. I wouldn’t mind though.
Prestige “The One And Only”: I personally believe there is no substitute for a good black woman. If what I’m looking for is found outside my race so be it, but that’s not where I’m looking. As to the value of a blk wmn, I can only see myself valuing her as much as she does herself.
PIECE OF WORK!! $$PET$ PET$ PET$$$: i do… i love my black women… yeah i would, but depends. why bc i am attracted to physical beauty before inner beauty. but they must have both..[2Deep: Well, ladies at least he is honest. It’s booty before beauty with him..lol]
KEN: I LOVE BLACK WOMEN..but yall…..lol but seriously black woman [are the] most powerful women in [the] world; ask Oprah and Michelle. black women are beautiful women, just hard 2 get alone wit.so yes, [i value] black woman value over other races…
Kip S: I do value black women. All of the girls that I’ve dated have been black except 2 of latin origin. I don’t see a problem dating outside of yourself as long as you know who you are and where you come from
Jamarcus V: i love everything about tha black woman and I don’t do tha outside of tha race thing,mixed is one thing but a whole different race i cant do it
THE TOTAL PACKAGE: definitely value blk women more cause my moms a blk women 1st and foremost and cuz without blk women life would not exist on this planet!!
Kycajrome L: I prefer my sistas first over any other ….but yes i have dated outside us, why….I was asked….and decided to try it….
THIS GUY: WELL ME I LOVE MY SISTERS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE NO REPLACEMENT IN THE WORLD THERE THE ONLY ONES FOR ME AND NO OTHER RACE CAN REPLACE MY NATURAL NEED FOR BLACK WOMEN. SO I ONLY DEAL WITH BLACK WOMEN. PEOPLE CAN SAY LOOKS DONT COUNT BUT THEY DO
Henry C: yes i love my black women.
DEVON B: i love black women
Lateef25: i love blk women i have only other race i have dated was spanish women
MYLES C AKA !! Mr.Grown-N-Sexxxi !!: EVERYONE IS TREATED EQUAL TO ME. YES I HAVE DATED OUTSIDE MY RACE MAYBE TWICE, BECAUSE SOME BLACK MEN FEEL THAT A BLACK FEMALE WONT DO A WHITE WOMAN WOULD, BUT IT AINT ALL BOUT THAT
My ALL TIME FAVORITE RESPONSE CAME FROM……….:
Black Kryptonite aka the KID: black men value black women who value themselves. not the ones who want to rock the labels but not work to get it for themselves. Or women who are looking for captain save her
PREACH, Black Kryptonite!!! So, I think he flat-out told us that we have to VALUE OURSELVES in order to be valued in return. So, did he just hand the responsibility of placing a value to our worth back into our hands? Well I be damned, I think he did! lmao! So, if we feel that we are not being valued by our men, it is then our place to make sure that we have worth, know it, and place our worth on proper display. I think that it is safe to say that you will NEVER find a Benz dealership in the middle of the hood, so why should you place your values amongst actions that do not match what it is that you think you are worth. I’m coining the phrase, actions speak louder than worth. How you act will dictate your judgement of your worth and guys can pick up on that. So, correct yourself first.
Another interesting comment that came from this question came from James F. The discussion turned into a bit of a conversation so check it out:
James F: yes i value black women i come from a black woman i can never diss or turn my back on them…its ironic you say that cause i feel black men kinda feel the same why about black women but any i digress…but yes i will date outside my race I don’t discriminate..everybody should date whoever they wanna date
Me: So, you brought up an interesting point. You say that black men feel the same way? How so? Can you explain what some black women do that makes some black men feel as if we don’t value them?
James F: i mean Some black women, not all, don’t hesitate to throw black men under the bus…some black women are just black men bashers lets just keep it real…if you’re doing that why would black men feel valued when the first out your mouth is something negative?? it is what it is…its too much of disconnect between black men and women…and it shouldn’t be like that
So, how do you propose BOTH sides work on fixing this problem? Because SOME of the negativity is based on experience. For instance, I just had this complete stranger (black male) post on my page ” do you skeet or spit when you have sex”. WHAT KIND OF BS is that? I don’t know him. What I shouldnt do is take his stupidity out on the next, but you must understand why I would be guarded, right? So, I propose the question…..how should a black woman place value in a black man? Hmmm… we could go on for hours. Pretty much like my next comment response.
So, in the middle of my responses I received this:
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: RESPECT is lost amongst us all. Everyone wants the ability to do whatever they want without recourse. We take things and persons for granted with silly talk about this is a new year and a time for change. Yes change is what got us here from when things had more value and respect back in the day. Date outside my race i have before i found my spiritual path and we are not to date a certain kind of people. All this leads to a root of a problem that we are trying to avoid by dealing with the surface on our own regards. Bringing it back to relevance though when RESPECT was lost during this all change is good so will everything else be lost ie honesty, loyalty, communication, trust…..
Me:I have to be honest…. I am sooooo lost with your response. I get the “respect is lost” part. But can you explain it to me again, but this time slow and act like I’m dumb.
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: Where are you lost because i can’t begin to correlate until you tell me which point you need clarity. I will do this to help what i think you maybe lost.”We take things and persons for granted with silly talk about this is a new year and a time for change”… What i am saying here is people want the ability to do whatever they desire as they see fit with other people belongings or how they treat or act towards the other person.”Date outside my race i have before i found my spiritual path and we are not to date a certain kind of people”…. Here i am talking about dating outside my race but came to realize that is wrong and only disrespectful to the creator not the person. Its written in the scriptures who we are to date/marry.”All this leads to a root of a problem that we are trying to avoid by dealing with the surface on our own regards”….I am saying here that we that we try to deal with these situation on our own desires/regards or what we see fit to make it work. You don’t have to be spiritual or preacher to see how we are to interact with each other as written. We are so far from the truth that we make our own to satisfy our realities.
Me: Whooooooooooooooooa Nelly! The Bible doesn’t mention race. But you must be of like and sound mind; equally yoked. A person of aother race ca be equally yoked with you. So how did you figure it was wrong to the creator to date a person of another race?
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**:Yes it did because he you know your history of where all races came from during the biblical days…you would know of the races it were speaking of because during the bible days race were never used but location where people lived…..Your pastor will not tell you this and that is why you must read the bible and learned its history. Most people just read the bible and think that is it and some don’t read it just recite what was said to them so the knowledge of it is mixed up. YES the bible talks about race….Go find me in the bible where it doesn’t talk about you are not to marry from this place but this place or not to marry from this place and when you DO come across it…. Find out the RACE of people there and there is your RACE…. I am in the dirt of the book your on the surface but you can dig too
Me: But location and the color of one’s skin is two TOTALLY different things. There are people of all skin hughes who are born in america….So…. amI to see who is a child of Abraham before I accept his proposal in marriage? I understand what you mean, but that does not relate to skin tone. Again, it relates to the belief systems and being equally yoked with persons from different sects. Thee could be BLACK people who are not equally yoked with you who you are not supposed to marry.
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: Your just blurring the lines because you fear of what is being said…I said RACE not skin color….Race in america is skin color but Race outside of here is Location. Native Americans are of different hues but there are located to this country….Asians which is a race and located to their location….Europeans, Alaskian, Somoans, African, and the so on….You want to limit to the equally yoke because you want to date outside of said race….I will do this for you…Provide you scriptures and you tell me where does it rely to unequally yoking….Your trying understand but you just have one part because here in America its Politically correct to use that part but the rest is not and many do not want to create ripples in the waves. I will stand by my creator words and do not fear of people issues due to fear of another’s opinion or comment. Why did Abraham send his servant to another place to find a wife for Issac? Race of people where he was at were not for his son to marry….hmmmmm
Me: First off….DONT YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I AM “AFRAID” TO DO….it is insulting & you don’t know me. I’ve never dated out of my race, not that it matters, so to assume somewhat mutes your point.When people cannot stick directly to facts, they often time assume and pass judgement on those who think in opposition….that very move does not make your argument strong. Just stick to the facts.It is the respectful thing to dispute what I say without passing judgement on me for why I think that way. Or do they teach you that in the Bible too? Can you show me the verse on “thou shalt pass judgement on the person because they disagree with you.”? (This is merely rhetorical, please do not respond)Also,I understood and know the meaning of RACE. Race is derived from origin and or location….that is one of the definitions of race. Therefore, a white person who is born in Africa has the race of African, and should they move to America, they too will be classified as African-American. Sounds weird, but it is true. Therefore, a person of a different color skin can be classified as being of the same RACE as you. On the flip side, an African-American would be of a different RACE than an African based purely on the definition of RACE, therefore making an African unequally yoked from an African-American. Which leads me back to my original question (part of which is now answered): I now know that you would not date outside of your RACE, but would you date outside of your own darker colored skin category and date a person who would stereotypically be classified as white? As I am NIGERIAN….I am not just stuck to the confines of American ideologies (Again…thou shalt not judge). Again… my questions are now rhetorical… PLEASE DO NOT REPLY any further.So, I will not pass judgement on you. But I will tell you that the word of God is not abrasive, nor is it rude. We as a people cannot pass judgement or assume and then hide behind the Word. I respect your opinion, although I disagree with its use, but I will never past judgement on you for thinking the way that you do. THAT is what the Word has taught me. Maybe I am reading a different book. Therefore, I will thank you for your comments and ask that you respond no further. Again, your words are greatly appreciated. I pray that you have a blessed day and have an even better 2011. God bless!
Yes, child…. the conversation went there! I know I am not your typical Bible slinging Christian, but I too believe in the Word, and for some reason it just irks me when people use it to divide. There is always a time and a place for the word and it is only applicable at ALL TIMES when it is used correctly. End of story. I have had two of my HUGEST crushes on white guys. One was on …I think his name was Brian, in my high school Theatre group. Still to this day I have a picture of me sitting on the Shakespeare Theatre Festival steps behind him running my fingers through his hair. The other guy was Matthew and he went to my junior high school in Spokane, Washington. I loved even his glasses. There was something about his spirit that just made me like him. So, you can’t tell me that I can’t love who I choose to love because they are not from the same location as me. Especially when I see God in them. My god-family looks like a United Nations’ meeting; from my black siblings to their asian, white, and Pakistani (sp) spouses and some of the most beautiful children that you have ever laid eyes on…..I beg to differ that this was wrong. I somewhat believe that this is what God intended. But that’s just my opinion.
So, in closing, I think that the fellas have proven their point…. at least the 200 that I have come in contact with. They all believe that they value the black woman over any other race. But I do not think that it matters. Love is love, and if for some reason you see a white girl with one of our black brothers, wish him well. There was a time when a black man would have been hanged for expressing his love to a person with whom he connected with. That man was not destined for you. Why get your bloomers in a bunch for someone who isn’t checking for you because he wasnt put on this earth for you? Get out of their business and start focusing on your own. You could very well be missing the guy who thinks that YOU are beautiful and it has nothing to do with race. It has nothing to do with him staying with his own kind which rings to the rhythm of a KKK meeting. But it will have everything to do with him loving YOU. Be happy with that. Killing the hopes of someone else’s love is not the most productive thing that you can do. But having faith that a different kind of love, a love between a black and a white, can exist in its purest form should lend hope that love can survive under simpler circumstances. That is my opinion on that!
“I WISH A NEGRO WOULD TOUCH MY HAIR AFTER I GOT IT DONE! “ is heard being yelled from a gaggle of African-American females at a brunch. “He better go get a white girl for that” is the follow-up by the freshly done, mohawked co-signer giving cliché snaps and hi-fives in my imaginary scenario. Yet, imaginary or not….at least ONE African-American sister reading this nodded her head in agreement at the reality of such statements before reaching the sentence about it being a made up scenario. We live here. Somewhere between I Wish A Nigga Would Blvd and Madame CJ Walker Ave where it has become okay for our crown and glory to remain nothing more than a show piece head-dress to be paraded in front of our kings like an artifact in a museum; on display but not to be touched. How’d we get here?
Did we get to this point from the hours upon hours of sitting next to the stove in the kitchen smelling dinner cook as your mom threatened to burn your neck if you didn’t lean your head all the way to the side as Blue Magic sizzled in your ear? Or was it the reoccurring echo of your mother yelling, “Dont let anyone play in your hair while you are at school” that has somehow follow you into adulthood, long after the threat of lice were gone? Or was it the old wives tales that your hair carries energy and not just anyone should be playing in your hair like it is recess? Whatever the case may be, if your man is good enough to play all up and through your candy land….why can’t he play in your naps? It sounds so silly once I put it that way doesn’t it? You can sleep with me, but don’t touch my hair. I mean, if we told inner city girls that they needed to care for their bush as much as they do their…well..bush, we may have more virgins in the world and cut down on the world population. Why can a man have sex with us… but can’t touch our hair? Strange…..very , very , strange.
Knowing the Black woman better than she knows herself ( yes, I’m black), I know for a fact that no matter how liberal she may think that she is… she would rather vote Palin in office with Bush as her VP and McCain as Secretary of Defense before she would ever want to see a Black man with a White woman. It is fact. Even the liberal ones cringe at first sight, evaluate a flaw in her, compare it to the flaw in him and then become okay with it. It’s because we wonder…..what in the hell does she have to make him cross melanin lines and date outside of the cotton field. It is not racial. It is a direct example of confusion between Black males and females personified and in the flesh and we are left to face it. When not in “mixed company” we share derogatory statements like nigger jokes at a country club amongst ourselves about how the White woman will do the stuff that we wont do , never seeing it as a negative for us but rather a negative for her. This isn’t intended to be racial as it is informative. Its Lisa Lamponelli , Carlos Mencia, Paul Mooney and Richard Prior on stage being copy/pasted into the privacy of our own homes. They say what we think…and even reveal what we have yet to understand.
I’m not a freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I often wonder what do people get out of the whole “pull my hair” segment of sex, I mean who does that? If this were a question on Jeopardy the answer would be “What is Shit that White people do?”. I’m tender headed. I don’t like to comb my hair when I HAVE to yet alone allow a guy to grip and cause alopecia traction baldness in a heat of passion. So what do people get out of that? I am soooooo serious when I ask this question. Outside of kinky violence, I can’t see much else being received from it. Or can I?… Nope, I can’t. But I do have a serious question to ask, a few actually.
Black ladies…..do you think that we lose a huge portion of our intimacy with our Black men because we often refuse to let them touch our hair? I mean… think about it. To a guy, touching your hair is a subtle way of him sending you a signal that he is feeling you. Swimming or sexual encounters in bodies of water or the shower is on the top of many men’s fantasy lists; seen Baywatch Lately? Men go crazy as a woman does a slow walk out of the water and pushes her hair out of her face. The slow hair blow as a woman gets out of the car was designed by a man, for a man as a way to seduce him via Yaky 1b natural. Yet, ladies…. most of us do not partake in any of these activities. I don’t care if a woman is natural or creamy cracked out…. several will not let her man touch her hair. WE have built up this impermeable wall of Pink Oil Moisturizer and Jam that most black men have learned before they were able to pee directly into the bowl that they do not touch a black woman’s hair. We have unconsciously trained our future kings that they can touch everything on his future queen’s body but her crown. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I mentioned this to my big brother on Sunday, and I promise you that if he had wings he would have jumped off the sofa in agreement and flown away. For a moment it looked as if he had caught the Holy Ghost, but it was just frustration releasing. He wasnt even paying attention to my side conversation with his wife…. but I ‘ll be damned if he wasnt fully listening now! lol. I wish I had recorded it just so that women could see the amount of energy and excitement he expressed to finally have a black women expressing his same sentiments. He said, “I would even go as far as to say that THIS (not touching a black woman’s hair) is why SOME black men date outside of the race.” There you have it… straight from the horse’s mouth! Ladies, here you have a black man telling you that he could understand why a black man would date outside of his race….just to feel someone’s hair/scalp… than to stick around and not be able to express his silent form of affection to you. I’ve even posted this question on Twitter and got blocked from tweeting because I ran out of my daily allotted tweets by responding to the sea of guys who said that they wished they could touch their girl’s hair/head. I posted it again today and will see what happens.
So in closing, Black women… we’ve got to do better when it comes to allowing our kings to touch our hair. Maybe let him touch it for the few days leading up to a retouch, or right after you get it washed. Maybe this is the connection that we need to re-establish in order to allow intimacy to flow from a natural place, unrestricted by social taboos and norms. Maybe, and just maybe this will cause Mr. Lynch to shake in his grave if we can get one woman to allow her man to run his fingers through her hair. Would it hurt us to share this portion of ourselves? Would it kill us to open of a gateway to intimacy that hasn’t been there since the invention of a hot comb? Can we learn that there are things far more important than our hair? I hope so……your relationship is counting on it. And I am not asking you to let everyone touch your hair… just your man. SO yes, if the complete stranger (white woman) standing behind you at the Reagan National Airport decides amongst her friends that you have beautiful hair and decides to reach out and run her fingers through your hair…..(This happened to me)…..just breathe before you commit a felony. Everyone is not as restrictive as we are about our hair….and this is the day that you may need to examine why. It is my suggestion that we ask ourselves if this is the cause of why black love has a “loc” on intimacy.
Welcome to the new series called “Deep Kamasutra” featuring advice giving to you from myself, 2Deep, and my homeboy Kamasutra. I guarantee you that this will be blunt advice unlike anything that you have ever read before. He and I are two very blunt individuals…..so if you don’t want the truth DO NOT READ ANY BLOG ENTRIES FROM THIS SERIES!!! lol. So…lets get this party started.
Our first question for the start-up of this series comes from a Twitter follower, who happens to be a black male, and he asks:
“Why is it that black women do not EASILY engage in oral sex, or engage in the act as much as other races?”
Kamasutra, what are your thoughts, sir?
It’s Kamasutra on the ones and twos. I have had a lot of experience in the field of women. And I will tell you this, the freakiest woman in the world, at some point, will evolve into someone who cares about her image and doesn’t want her business put out there in the streets. Now with that said, I believe that the black race has been so mind fucked that the whole situation of black love and dating is fugazi (that’s military lingo for fucked up)! On to your question, from my experiences with various races of women, the stigma for giving “head,” sucking dick, giving brains, and ultimately fellatio all comes down to three things: desiring to please her man by any means necessary, the stigma in the community for what that actually involves, and the last one is just plain what her mother told her, bro.
I’m not going to even try to make this eloquent or technical, I am just going to keep it real! Getting your dick sucked is arguably one of the best feelings in the world, so who wouldn’t want to experience that feeling? Black women don’t come up off the goods easily because their mothers tell them that its nasty and no self-respecting woman would take her mouth and open it up and allow a man to slide his dirty dick in between her lips. What she didn’t tell her daughter is that she was breaking daddy off with the bomb ass head last night and many of her former boyfriends before daddy was even in the picture! In our community, dick sucking is scandalous and derogatory and no woman wants to have that as her reputation. Honestly, black men talk too damn much and that is real, certified talk. They tell their friends and their friends tell their friends and then ultimately someone tries to get that “fire dome” from her and now the reputation precedes her. And oh man, don’t let her turn him down, he will shred her image to pieces trying to salvage what little manhood he has left from picking his face up off the ground—all because she said no. It’s a defense mechanism my dude! They give head but most of them enjoy the act, but they are not going to divulge that information to you!
You ever heard the saying, “A woman will fake an orgasm to save a relationship, but a man will fake a relationship just to get an orgasm.” That’s real and women know it, so a woman isn’t going to give you something she feels like, for one, he isn’t even my man and, two, he is going to go runteldat! It’s all an image thing!
~Kamasutra
Wow! Okay. It’s always interesting to see what guys think about a subject. Now, ladies…. its my turn.For starters, I plead the 5th on my own personal experience….I am merely discussing the topic. Now that we’ve got that out of the way…lol .
As I got older, I had an ex call me and ask for my permission to tell his current girlfriend that he and I had sex,and if I had disagreed I would have been omitted out of his confession…..that makes a woman feel safe, that makes a woman keep a man on her radar, that could make a woman drop to one or two knees to show you how much she appreciates you for your thoughtfulness. And now that my professional career has reached, and continues to reach, new heights I search for guys who like to keep their life just as private as I like to keep mine. Yes, I tell a lot about myself but there are things that will never be broadcasted, like if I have sex, when I have sex…and what is included in the sexual package. And just because I have a tongue ring, doesn’t mean that I got it to play “head” games, or that you will ever get to experience it. The ones who get the most excited are the ones who wont get anything from a female. It is the laid back brothers ( or at least the ones who can fake until they make it) who make those females who engage in giving head feel like their secret is safe. So, trying to impress your boys could actually decrease the actions that you so desire.
If it were up to my grandmother, all actions are a go! She was very open and honest with me about sex, so I never got the speech about how giving head could cause you cancer. lol. In my house, the only rule of thumb was don’t get pregnant. With all of the openness that surrounded me there wasnt much of a mystery surrounding sex that made me want to rush out and dabble in it, and that very openness kept me a virgin until I was twenty. In high school just about every guy in my school was trying to holler at me all because I was unobtainable, and I liked it that way. But the very same lure that they wanted me for was the very same lure that kept me a virgin; there were no rumors of a past triste floating around about what I had done. Yet, I am sure you will find a female out there who is less timid than myself. Like my high school best friend use to say, “Dick doesn’t have a face.” So why don’t you ask her to take my place…lol. Or this chick… she seems ready for the job:
LMBO!!!! All jokes aside, my homegirl brings up an interesting point when she says, “If its clean, I suck. If he’s been tested, I swallow.” lmbo! Blunt, yet so very honest. As a woman, you have to protect yourself from viruses, and going down on a guy puts us at risk. Point, blank, period. We hear, and experience, the actions of the Down Low brothers, and unless you stop complaining about receiving oral pleasure while wearing a condom….I guess you will have to wait til you are married. The very actions of guys actually scares women off from feeling comfortable. Because it doesn’t make me feel comfortable knowing that 30% of males don’t think that getting “head” is considered having sex. And 100% of that 30% do NOT use oral condoms when receiving “head” which means that the opportunity for viruses to be transmitted raises through each action….and then he expects me to turn around and follow suit? Ummm…come again? So, no amount of social stigma can compete with the hard facts of a male’s sexual prowess and the risky activities that go along with those actions.
As a female, I have to agree with Kamasutra on the topic of reputation and self-respect. Fellas, you all do talk far too much and end up setting fire to the very bridge that a girl may have crossed in order to give you such pleasure. No girl wants to be known as the local hoe. She wants to be considered as a lady at all times, no matter her actions, and you spreading the word actually kills that image. Also, having the pressure of a guy’s expectation actually kills the mood.Just like you don’t want a woman who you’ve been with for a month to expect you to marry her, I don’t want a guy who I have only been dating for a month to expect that he should get some head out of the deal. It can’t be a double standard. Besides, why would you want a woman to easily give you anything….she could just as easily pass you a disease. Now, as a respectable woman, if I ever decide to engage in such an intimate act with a man, you can be guaranteed that he got that act because my heart was into the action and not just because it is expected of me. I guess only doing this with your husband would solve this issue. So in conclusion, just like every female hasnt earned the right for him to “put a ring on it”, every male hasnt earned the right for me to put my lips on it. Same thang! End of story.
~2Deep
So, i guess it boils down to the standards of the people engaging in such actions. If a guy knew that for SOME woman it is a sign of affection and if they appreciated it by keeping their damn mouths shut…they just may get it more often. But on the flip side, if girls understood that guys don’t think like us and are more apt to spreading the news, they wouldn’t be so swift in engaging in an action that would ruin your reputation. I think that it would be safe to say that this one will be a stalemate. Fellas, I’m sure you will find a female who will help you out, and ladies….I think it is up to you as to whether you want to take that risk or not.
Verdict: Hung Jury
Sincerely,
~Deep & Kamasutra~
P.S. If you liked this series and wish to see it continue, leave questions below in the comment section and it could show up in the next blog. Follow Kamasutra’s blog by CLICKING HERE!
So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 