If you read my post yesterday about Marsha Ambrosius’ I Hope She Cheats On You, then you should be more than well prepared to know what today’s blog will be about. You guessed it; Cheating! Well, not just cheating in general but all of the things that hurt people do to others while in a relationship.
You know the drill; boy meets girl, boy sleeps with girl, boy cheats on girl, girls gets even, girl sleeps with best friend, etc, etc, etc. Yeh. If you are above the age of 16 and have a single cool bone in your body then you know exactly what I am talking about. Sorry, this blog is not for the 40 year-old virgins who play Scrabble by themselves while watching reruns of Golden Girls in their studio apartments. NO, this is for the cool kids who know how to get even. Those kids who actually got asked out on dates and thought it was a privilege. The same kids who would soon find out that we are in an age where no one knows how to date or even respect themselves, yet alone how to protect someone else! Yes, those kids.
I, dear friends, was one of THOSE kids. The cool kid that experienced every wrong in the book. I’m one of the divas with the sunroof open, windows do, and blaring I Hope She Cheats On You. No hurt feelings, just vindication at its finest, displayed beautifully by Marsha’s amazing talents.
So, as usual, i wanted to know…or even see for that matter…what my 200 men thought on the matter. I wanted to first see what they would admit to doing. So I asked them:
What was the WORSE thing, as a man, that you have ever done to a woman while in a relationship?
And the answers that followed were:
MR. LOVING: I can’t find anything that I can recall! [2deep: Suuuuuuuure! lol]
Carlos V: cheated
! Robert D (S4D (S-4411): GAVE MY HEART [2deep: OUCH!!!!!]
Boozer101: cheated… she didn’t find out but just the same.. that’s the worse thing I’ve ever done
Lighta: Revenge cheat would have to be the worst thing.
JAY D: Cheat on her
Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: The 5th [2Deep: I have a feeling that there will be a ton of this….lol]
Patrick: Not giving the affection she needed or deserved. [2Deep: You do know that this is worse than cheating, right?]
Lateef25: maybe i wasnt honest
Juan D: smashed her friend. [2deep: Hope it itched….lol]
Code Name Bigsexy: lol ill have to use my fifth amendment on that 1 [2Deep: You already told me… so I know…lmao! I just wont post it.]
DSMILEY1: Had sex with a girl while my girlfriend at the time was next door to a friend’s house. I WAS JUST STUPID AT THE TIME BUT NEVER WILL DO IT AGAIN [2Deep: JUST STUPID!!! I hope you caught something. Oh wait, you didnt do this to me….never mind…lmao]
Parrish M: I couldn’t say that I was a man at the time more like an adult male. I put my hands on a woman before. [2deep: Check out my Blog About D.O.C……..yeh]
rroyallty: hmm. not sure. maybe break up with her
Johann J: I cheated on her with her best friend and her best friends cousin. A real young and dumb move. [2Deep: Just a regular overachiever, aren’t we?]
Robert P: Wasn’t there for her when she needed me most
Tori A: Cheated on her [2Deep: Let me guess… you cheated….lmao!]
James F: had sex with her cousin or kickin her out the car and she had to find a another way home [2Deep: I’m ready to come whoop your ass my damn self. WHO DOES THAT SHIT?!]
kuerby E: cheat…..
Ryu C-Keyz: probably cussed her out and walked off for the night. Hey, I’m the type you snap at me, I snap back. I don’t sit back and take it.
Allen Ozark: nothing. I am the world’s last remaining humanist and a perfect gentleman. i have a universal dimmer switch that only works one way – brighter and brighter – wear your shades baby, wear your shades. [2deep: *side eye* *raised eyebrow*]
Terrance L: cheated sexy, what about you as a woman in a relationship [2Deep: Negro, this isn’t about me…lol]
Mr. U. G. Bilbo: The worse thing I’ve done was flirted with another woman and got her number while my girlfriend was around me
Ed M: talk back; being a smart ass [2Deep: Was this your mother? lmao….you are allowed to be a smart ass.]
Mr.Swaggtastikal: I LIED AND TOLD MY EX THAT I WAS STILL WORKING WHEN I KNEW I GOT FIRED…. [2deep: It wasnt so bad to be fired… it’s the fact that you lied that made it bad. CONFESS MAN!!!]
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~PEACE*!!: Betrayed her by not telling her i was still legally married but has been separated for over a year….. [2Deep: I shall remain silent…..but know I am thinking something]
~Taylor Gang~Jay Kahlifa: cheat….and that was the biggest mistake i ever made in my life [2Deep: I’m sorry… the bitter bitches couldn’t hear you. Could you please speak up. lol]
6’5 & NICE WIT IT: GAVE THE DUMMY A CHANCE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP [2Deep: Playing devil’s advocate here… but what does that make you for giving the chance? lmao! j/k]
corey: fake the big O.lol [2Deep: Can guys even do this? WHY? I applaud you for evening admitting it. lmao!]
Ddouble R: put [her] out of my car with her bags in tow at the Maryland house. [2deep: *Researches Marland House…… YOU DROPPED HER OFF AT A REST STOP LOCATED IN THE CENTER OF I-95?!!!!!! I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY TRAFFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *wooosah* Okay… this was in the distant past…. I hope.)
Okay… so there are a ton of cheating guys running around. KEEP HOPE ALIVE LADIES!!!! *Turns on Disney movies* I mean really… I was done at a guy admitting to faking an orgasm. I mean… what purpose would that serve? Did she find out that he faked the orgasm? Did you tell her that you came? How horrible was she sexually that you had to fake it? Was she ugly? Was she loose and you found out one it was time to lay it down and it turned you off? DId you fake it to speed up the process? Oh shit, I am way off topic… .but that one stumped me. lmao
Also, I see that there are a ton of simple bitches walking along the highway. It would have been a Chris Brown Rhianna situation going on in that car if a negro EVER tells me that I have to get out and walk. He would have to physically put me out and then I am pressing charges and causing a scene. Who does that?!!!! *blood boiling* I know I asked for honesty…. but damn it I got it. Just ticks me off. So… to help me get over this part, I asked them to tell me this:
What was one of the WORST things that a female has done to you while in a relationship? How did it make you feel?
See ladies, I was fair….lol. The fellas said:
Tyrone E: Let her brother who was on drugs steal money and property from and protect him and say ‘o u know he got a problem” I was pissed and that is why she is an ex today
K-LUST THE WILDEST MOUTH!: HAVE MY DAUGHTER AROUND ANOTHER MAN! IT MADE ME WANNA KNOCK BOTH OF EM OUT!
!James!: She went back to her ex, she say it was for the kids. She wanted me to stay in the background. I did and eventually she left him for her safety. It’s harder to trust, I keep 1 eye open at all times.
”DUKE” BANNER: I WAS DOING OFF SHORE OIL RIGGING AND WHEN I LEAVE THIS SCOUNDREL WOULD BRING A JOE TO THE HOUSE I WAS MORE ASHAME BECAUSE ALL HE DID WAS DRINK STAYED WITH HIS MOTHER TALKING ABOUT SHE GOT HI AND SHE KNEW HIM AND IT STARTED FROM THERE
Tony Raymond **CANDIDA whores me**: Cheat but i just come to learn ALL sexes knows what they WANT but never what they NEED…even if your mouth say you need this or that because they always go after what they want…
Tori A: cheated on me w/ someone I [thought] was a good friend
DJ Urban Cowboy: My most recent ex took my phone and decided to rummage through my txts… Big no no in my book.
Kip S: Forget my birthday after being in a relationship with me for over a year.
You know what they say… hurt people, hurt people. Yes, some of this is funny to read, but it still doesn’t make ANY of it right. At what point are people going to be honest with themselves about what they want, what they need, and what the other person is offering. I think if hoes would admit to being hoes they could find each other. There are sugar daddies out there for the gold diggers, but leave the good boys and girls alone. Stick to your own kind. It is just point less for all of this to go on. We are just creating more hurt people all the while wondering why you can’t find a good one. YEs, I am prepared to fuck the chick(s) up who dare hurts my future husband… I will hunt you down! lol. TRY ME!
Okay, this is getting depressing, but it was an interesting write-up. Hope you enjoyed…. on to the next one.
Bitter bitches around the world could be heard slamming keypads to a point of no return as they Googled, Rhapsody searched, and iTunes bought Marsha Ambrosius’ ” I Hope She Cheats on You” from her album Late Nights and Early Mornings. Beyoncé’s “Put a Ring On It” deemed archaic…. I mean who wants that motherfucker now? NOT I!!! No, this song became the 2010 anthem as women purchased court side seats for their men as they pointed out just how nice Dwayne Wade’s ass looks in the middle of a lay-up. Comments of “I wonder if LeBron can take it to the hole for real” taunt him during half time. Yes, bitches!!! THIS IS WHY WE WATCH BASKETBALL!!!! Sports Center will never be the same. *Duh-nuh-nuh, Duh-nuh-nuh! lmao!
I can see it now, Half-Time show brought to you by Bitter Bitches of America and sponsored by Midol. Performance by Marsha Ambrosius. All you hear are the snaps to the intro and out come these hooded figures snapping into formation, reminiscent of the Egyptian dancers in MJ’s Remember the Time. No one’s face is seen but Marsha as the formation is made behind her as she stands center court under a sole spotlight. All you can hear through the arena is:
Verse 1: Ew whew ew whew oh oh I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa. Hope that she Kim Kardashian’ed her way up. Don’t know the difference ‘tween a touchdown and a layup. Got you on Viagra in order for you to stay up.
Pre-chorus: I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her. I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture. Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby? [Cues for mysterious dancers to drop their hoods]
Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh?
CROWD GOES WILD!!!! Hoods are flipped back and Shaunie O’Neal can be seen leading Royce’s choreography! Yes, that’s right people…the entire cast of Basketball Jump-offs, I mean Wives, are center court, booty popping to their new ceremonial anthem! Being careful not to slip on their own tears, glass of water, wine or beverage of choice that has been thrown Evelyn-syle as a symbolic statement of I HATE YOU BITCH, TRY ME. They are in perfect harmony as the chorus breaks out amongst the arena speakers.
Chorus: Well look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. Ew now that I’m without cha.
Aw shit! Just when you couldn’t get enough of Gloria’s “That’s What’s Up” wrist twists and Jennifer’s forehead…not to be outdone, on runs the cast of The Game to show these bitches how it is really done! Go Tasha! It’s ya Birthday! Call Pookie! Go Pow, Pow! Go Janay, It’s Ya baby’s Daddy! Work It Med School! Work it! Work it! Get Low Kelly, like your bank funds! lmao Yes, Jazz choreographed this portion of the great display of bitter bitches! DO THE TSUNAMI!!!!
Verse 2: I hope she cheat on you wit an NFL baller. She ignores you every single time you call her. Brand new Louis, gotta have it spend your money on her. When you wanna hit it she actin’ like she don’t wanna.
Pre-chorus: I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her. I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture. Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby? Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh? (Baby)
Then they all join together as if Disney knew that this would be a musical. The cast from Glee! just itching in their seats to get up and join in a higher octave; judgment spewing from their eyes as if to say “Sit down , bitches, and let the professionals do it.” But it has already continued without them. This is Annette Funicello meets Lena Horne in Baldwin Hills directed by Tyler Perry. It is classic SNL Tom foolery in the key of broken-hearted! ENTERTAINMENT PEOPLE!!!! And a 5, 6, 7, 8,…..
Chorus: Well look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now. Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. Ew now that I’m without cha.
And true to Chorus Line form, they each take turns accenting a line from the hook as banners of who did them wrong are dropped from the arena ceiling along with Kim Kardashian’s pic just because the bitch made the song hot. And no one argues about her placement in the song because its true. And she could care less as long as the check clears! With a 1 and a 2 and…..
Hook: She cute and all, but that won’t last forever. What I had for you was so much better. Yeah the grass ain’t greener on the other side of town. Now look at how it all turned out now. I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter. But I’m doing better, ’cause we ain’t together. You sorry excuse for somebody I was into. Remember what it was when I was wit’ you?
Chorus: Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. (so sad cheated on you wit’ a basketball playa) Look at how it all turned out now. Now that I’m without cha baby.
And for the closing finale, their children run out on the court doing the stanky leg while their divorce lawyers throw business cards into the crowd via the t-shirt shooter. They all start to do the dramatic , yet sexy slow walk with finger snaps off the court as Marsha ad libs. And just as they hit the exit, you can see Juanita Jordan giving high fives to the women as they head back to the dressing room where security can protect them from their exes……lmao. NeNe Leaks can be seen trying to get an interview from the sidelines.
Ad-libs: Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) heeeeyyyy yeah (x2) Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) saaaannnnggg yeah Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) Sing (I hope she cheat on you) I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa yeah. Hope you feelin’ lonely now we’re not together baby. Said I hope she cheat on you baby.
Yes….. this is how I envision it. This is how my head works. Dont judge me… you’re just mad because you didn’t think of it first! But serioiusly…. I am so glad that Marsha is back…and boy did she come back with a bang! You better believe that I am going to come back and review Far Away! This diva has us all wishing evil on our exes and his new girl…lol. But done so with a powerful voice that demands you pay attention and listen. Job well done, diva… I have NOTHING bad to say about this song.
If you read my post yesterday about Marsha Ambrosius’ I Hope She Cheats On You, then you should be more than well prepared to know what today’s blog will be about. You guessed it; Cheating! Well, not just cheating in general but all of the things that hurt people do to others while in a relationship.
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 