200 Men Said….OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!

So, by now I pray that you have read my blog called “You Killed Chivalry, You Bastard!”. If not, I suggest you head on over there and get to reading so you can know where this stems from. Don’t worry… we won’t wait for you to return, but the blog will still be here when you do.

Now, as I mentioned in last month’s blog, (You Killed Chivalry You Bastard, Pt 1)YKCYB for short, I HAD to take this to my 200 Men, it wouldn’t have been right for me to take my “I am Woman Hear Me Roar” stance without consulting the world’s top male perspective…lol. Buuuuuuuut I must confess, they don’t know why I asked them. I pretty much assume that they think that every question I ask them is something that has personally happened to me. Boy, they must think I am jacked up. Well, the truth of the matter is, not all of what I ask has happened to me, and I hold the key to which of it has……and judging by YKCYB, this one happened to me. But, like I said…..I didn’t need for my 200 Men to know that from the jump. I wanted their pure and honest answer on the situation, without me swaying what asshole did to provoke me to ask the question in the first place. I must say, my 200 men never let me down.

So, I asked the following question:

Do you, as a man, think that a man should open all car doors for a female….no matter if she is a driver or passenger? And should he ALWAYS open these doors?

And they came back with…… (Warning, I do not edit or proofread majority of their responses…lol):

Am I My Brother’s Keeper?

        In the world that we currently live in, it makes me wonder if real men are standing up and making other males live up to the standards of being a man. And I am not talking about the football coaches who take care of just the guys on their team, or the few men who start the anti-violence and gang programs to keep the kids from hanging with the bad crowd, but I mean the every day gentlemen who would stop a young brother on the street and tell him to pull his pants up. Where are the men from the Civil Rights days who demanded respect just by walking into a room? There was a certain respect and responsibility that came along with being a man in those days, a responsibility that made everyone around you behave in the proper manner so that you all would be taken seriously. I think that somewhere along the line those types of men have gone into retirement and they forgot to train the next generation how to continue the tradition. These men forgot to teach them the purpose behind why being your brother’s keep is so important, not just in the black community, but in all communities.  So who can I blame? Where are these men who were supposed to teach these upcoming men how to behave so that I could continue to be proud of my brothers? Because now….its become the job of the single mothers and women dating these guys to teach them how to behave….and I don’t think it is our job to do so.

        They say that a woman cannot raise a man. If this is true, then where are the men who are supposed to make these boys and other males listen? As a woman I do not have access to the sacred Man Code book, but I do know how to behave in a manner to make a male understand what his boundaries are when he is in my presence. But is that enough? Are the actions of a woman grounded in her morals enough to make a male correct his actions and behave as a man? Personally, I don’t think that women alone can make a male behave as a man. It will take a man living as a man to set a visual and physical example for the male to believe that a woman isn’t living in her own imagination. A male would need a tangible representation standing before him as a cheat sheet on how to be a man in order to become one. I don’t know why it works that way, but it does.

So, 200 men were asked the question:

Are you your brother’s keeper? If NOT, why? Is it your responsibility? Have you ever corrected a male stranger when he was acting like less than a man?What’s your age & State?

        I really wanted to hear the responses from this question. I asked their age and location just to see if the answers would be the same amongst people in the same region of the country or males of the same age bracket. And out of those 200 I posted the responses of the males who responded back to me the fastest.

• ”DUKE” BANNER: IM A MASON, BUT OF COURSE I’M MY BROTHER’S KEEPER ,MY QUEEN. [I] TRY TO GUIDE THEM IN THE RIGHT WAY. (40yrs old/Lousianna)
•  Horace J: Yes, I am my brother’s keeper. If not me [there to] love him, then who will be? I have corrected males and been corrected. I have had ugliness pointed at me for my attempts. I won’t say they were acting less than a man but too aggressive. (39yrs old/New Jersey)
• Aries Brotha: I’m not my brother’s keeper. I’m the younger brother and he is the one that should lead by example. But in all due honest he and I are complete opposites in every way. (33yrs old/Maryland)
•  ……. :  No! I don’t put my nose in other people’s business. (26yrs old/Maryland)
•  Ddouble R: (1) yes i am (2)again yes i have, ( 38yrs old/Maryland)
• H.O. R:  I AM A KEEPER BUT NOT NECESSARILY MY BROTHERS. ITS NOT REALLY MY RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP HIM/HER BUT IT IS ON ME IF I NO INFO AND DON’T REPORT IT. SURE I’VE CORRECTED A MAN FOR BEING LESS THAN ONE. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY BUT TO SCHOOL FOR PSYCHOLOGY (39yrs old/Georgia)
•  Code Name Bigsexy: sometimes.it has to be something unreal then i would school the young dude. (30yrs old/Maryland)
•  big slim: Yes I am..if the next man is out of line around me then it’s only right for me too step in and put him in his place…I do this almost everyday ( 35yrs old/DC)

And my FAVORITE response came from :

• DJ Urban Cowboy: I feel like its our duty to correct our fellow-man… cause they represent your sex to the human population and when man acts the fool… women and even men think less of the male population as a whole.. (27yrs old/New York)

 

        INTERESTING!!! I find it amazing how majority of the men who responding thought that I was speaking of their literal brothers, as in a sibling and not the metaphorical Biblical Cane & Abel sense. So far age is not really a factor in whether or not these guys would check another male for not behaving properly and neither is location. Interesting. I would have thought that the younger generation would have been the first to say that they are not their brothers’ keeper. But it is across the board that my older gentlemen did not hesitate to put someone in their place.  And just like DJ Urban Cowboy said, we tend to think of the male population as a whole based off of the actions of one individual acting an ass. Sad, yet so true.

        And I have to comment on Aries Brother’s comment. He said that he doesn’t have to be because he is the younger and his older brother should set the example. WOW!!! This form of thinking is why we are where we are. There is ALWAYS someone younger than you who is watching your every move. You may be the younger sibling, but even then, sometimes we older siblings lose our way and if our younger siblings respectfully remind us of who we are supposed to be we can get back on the right track. It works both ways. You’re not just his brother, but you are his brother too. That’s like getting into a marriage and saying what you will and wont do because your spouse is supposed to do something. ALL relationships require equal respect, communication, and responsibility. I know, I have brother who I feel I have been a sister to but don’t feel that they have been a brother back to me. That feeling SUCKS ASS! So, having learned that first hand, it is everyone’s responsibility to make sure that our actions are reciprocated and equal.

        So, since we know that one clown can disturb the class, how can we get these men to become their brothers’ keeper more often? I could write until my fingers fall off or talk until my chocolate behind turns blue in the face, but what are some literal steps/actions that we could take to get them to look out for one another? Maybe we can try to work on the concept of brother. I think if we got people to think of the man sitting next to them as a brother we can get this family feeling back into the communities. And this should go across the race lines as well. Code Name Big Sexy, from above, is white and he gives some excellent feedback. If we all, women included, helped to promote the frame of mind that we could be more productive as the human race if we all helped guide the person next to us in the right direction , maybe…just maybe, we could actually get something accomplished. But….this blog means nothing until others believe it and start acting on it.  I am my brothers’ keeper…..I just hope that he keeps listening to me.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter & My Brothers’ Big Sister*~

“Same”phobic Homosapiens

        I am very much a , pardon the expression, “Fag Hag”. Yes, I simply adore the LBGT community. I don’t judge. And if you read my blog entry called “I’m Not A Lesbian, but I Played One in College”  (<~Click to read) then you would know just how close this subject is to my heart. I feel like I’m an honorary LBGT crusader. And I have tons of friends who are out, many who are not, and others who I think are but may not feel comfortable expressing that side of themselves to me because they may not know where I stand. Well, I stand on the side of understanding. I understand that we all have things about us that others may not like, but it shouldnt stop us from being who we are as long as it doesn’t harm us or others. There. That is my stance from now until eternity. Besides, what you do in your bed room is none of my business, just as what I do in mine is none of yours…..but I’m sure we’ll love each other just the same in the morning no matter what occurred behind close doors or on kitchen counters. Just let me know before I eat at your breakfast nook. Thanks.

        So, Biblical references to the side momentarily… yes I said put it to the side for a moment. Because if you lived by every word in that Bible you would still be a virgin. SO HUSH IT UP! You point at other people’s faults and I will point at yours. Yep, tit for bigot! Where was I? Oh yes, with all religious views to the side, let’s get to the core of this issue. Why are most people afraid of homosexual men. How odd how men don’t mind two lesbians going at it but something about the fiber of them cracks every time a homosexual man holds another man’s hand. Why is that? If they are not bothering you or trying to convert you ( against popular belief you can not be converted…unless you already wanted to be…lol) why is it any of your concern who they choose to love? I read in a medical article how the female body begins to attack the male fetus because it sees the testosterone as an outsider, or virus even, and begins to try to balance the high levels of testosterone with estrogen. This is extremely prevalent in women who have multiple sons. This raises the chances of the younger son being more feminine that the others. I think that could be true because our bodies have a way of protecting its self. So you know what they say, God doesn’t make mistakes. I know I said to leave the religion to the side, but I had to say it.

So, since many women are gay friendly, I had to ask my 200 men for their opinion. 200 men were asked:

Why do you think so many men are homophobic if they’re secure in their manhood? Please be RESPECTFUL when answering. I’m not asking you to judge the lifestyle but rather why men respond to the lifestyle so negatively. Thanks.

And some of the 200 responded with :

1. Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I think men have the same reasons [for being] homophobic [as] people [have for being] racist or fearful of most things… just a simple lack of understanding and no willingness to understand. Insecurity, I’m sure plays a major role
2. Kenneth H: No real [man] likes homo. It is what it is. Sorry, I’m from the old school (,2Deep: So there were no gays in the old school? lol)
3. Erik B: i don’t know. but i know for me, someone’s preference has nothing to do with my lifestyle. so i can’t speak for someone else.
4. Truly Blessed with Love: Dont think its homophobic. I truly think that they aren’t secure in their manhood and I personally don’t need to [have] some gay man around me for a woman to say, “oh he’s secure about his manhood.”  if [you need] something like that to prove that you are then you really [weren’t as] secure
5. Code Name Bigsexy: i feel like that lifestyle is pushed on straight people.in movies and in life.its made like straight people are the 1’s who are out the norm.i don’t like the fact that its public. as a father how do you tell your kids whats going on??
6.  !: Because it’s a very taboo lifestyle, especially in the black community. Str8 men are that way b/c they don’t want women to think they are homo’s, which is bad for them and their love life….If you see a str8 man with a homo, you would be suspect too.
7.  H.O. R: [I] PERSONALLY WONDER WHY PEOPLE, IN GENERAL, ARE SO NEGATIVE THESE DAYS ….PERIOD. BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION,  I DON’T CARE IF THEY ARE GAY OR WHATEVA JUST DON’T DISRESPECT ME AND WE’RE GOOD. AND JUST BE WHO YOU ARE AND THEY WILL GET RESPECT
8. DJ Urban Cowboy: People are always paranoid of the unknown. They are homophobic because they have not taken the time to understand the culture.
9. Young fresh to D: that’s a good question. i think some men can’t handle homos in any form but everybody is different
10. Jay S: they are really not homophobic. we just can’t deal with being hit on by another male
11. Lost in my own mind: it is possible that it could be [the way] they were raised or brought up in [their] household. Mainly, i blame media because the media makes it seem as if you become friends with a person that possesses those qualities [then] you will become gay or end up doing [homo]sexual things
12.  Trayvon S {Men Of Respect}: men are homophobic ’cause [the] world tells you that being gay is wrong. and people see a man talking to a gay man [and] thinks he is gay. so men that are straight [don’t] associate with them.  personally, i don’t care about some one being a homo,cause i love women
13.  Live And Love or LAL: This goes against nature, and God himself. Man [was not built for] sexual activity with another man but with a woman. that’s why God gave us two different sex organs to compliment each other.
14. Conscious 1: ooh lawd.  Well to answer you most recent question.  I think homophobia has been poorly defined by the portion of the gay community who has a political agenda.  One can’t want the right to express themselves and their lifestyle then block those who disagree with it.  They demonize their own existence by using the negative stigma of homosexual men and either stating a man who isn’t a homosexual has a phobia or is secretly gay.  A phobia is a fear.  A disagreement is not synonymous nor is it a measuring rod of ones manhood. 
15. Bryan P: well to be real [some] guys are real homophobic because i think they have something to hide in [their] closet … and i would never judge [someone] over their choice of who they like …
16. *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I don’t think a lot of guys are homophobic. a lot of guys become defensive if a gay guy tends to venture his way or try to hit on the straight guy. I have been hit on by a gay guy and i got mad because he [doesn’] know me, so don’t come at me like that……
17.  Young ’84 T2G: people in general don’t like what they don’t understand. I can’t speak for every man but I don’t judge anyone for what they decide to be [with] or do. Most men I know though don’t understand how a man can be interested in another man.
18. Aries Brotha: The fear that whatever makes homosexuals function will [be passed] on to them by touch, close proximity, or association. Fear is such a powerful weapon and the bible, media, and everything we read and write tells us/conditions us to believe it’s wrong.
19.  Kip S: I will answer this as a non homophobic man. It is a pride thing. With excessive pride comes ignorance, which leads to the typical homophobic man. If we don’t understand it, we look at it as a disease.
20.  ”DUKE” BANNER: they just don’t understand. they think [that] all gay men want them. but if you’re like me ,not gay,[you don’t] give them no reason to think that they can approach [you] in that way. no im not homophobic
21.  P Reddz: PERSONALLY,IAM JUST AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY.NOW I MUST ADMIT IT DOES TURN ME ON WHEN ITS 2 WOMEN, BUT MEN [ON] MEN, UH UH.ITS JUST WRONG.I MEAN EVERYONE HAS THEIR RIGHT TO DO AS THEY PLEASE. I DONT GO AROUND HARRASSING AND INSULTING GAY PEOPLE..
22.  Tony Raymond **Thank El Grego**: It’s an Abomination of the life. It [means they] cannot procreate which is part of our natural design by the creator. Any support of it is telling the father to go to hell.
23. Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Well Real Men Hate Folly n foolishness [and] Try 2 Line Up the Spirit With The Word… Then Also Sum Might Be Fakin N They Like Dat Foolishness But Dnt Wanna Be Judged.. It’s All Types Of Excuses Y!!..Anutha One Is It Might Touch On the Ego, Which No Man Likes
24.  Steven C {{QB}}: The better question is …ask God why he Hates it so much? (2Deep: I asked, I didn’t get an answer back yet. I checked the Bible, too. Nothing in red ink stating this fact either. Next time you talk to Him, please tell him to call me so that I can be put on 3-way for this discussion. I’d appreciate it.)
25.  …….: Maybe they vehemently disagree with it

And my favorite response came down to:

• Horace J: Phobic/phobia in simple terms “a fear of; a desire to avoid”… I don’t believe men have a fear of male homosexuals the latter part of the simple def “a desire to avoid activities”, yes. It deals with a vulnerable state we only express with. women.

        I felt almost as if I had to respond to some of these remarks. Kenneth H said that ” no real man likes a homo”. SO based on the definition of homo, which means same or of likeness, he is saying that no real man likes the same. The same what? The same person who loves the same way he does? Someone who has the same philosophies as he does? I have this haiku that I wrote that says:

I wish you were gay

So you can take it like a

Man, you punk ass bitch

        Everyone rolls into laughter when I say that poem. But I honestly think that it takes a REAL man to go against the grain of what everyone else thinks he should do just so that he can remain true to himself at all times. And if that requires him to love another man….then you have my full support and my understanding. Because I understand what it can do for you to morph to try to please everyone else. It’s not healthy. If its wrong, then it is wrong. No one will be cleared of all of their sins unless asked to be forgiven on their death beds. So while here on earth. I accept everyone for their faults. If they tithe, if they love thy neighbor, if they don’t kill or steal, or covet their neighbors… I’m pretty sure that they are on the right track and the rest of us are sinning by having sex PERIOD! It doesn’t matter who you have sex with, the sin is sex before marriage. End of story. So… that explanation is also my response to Live and Love or LAL. I’m doing what your screen name says I should do. I am living my life and I am loving everyone, even those who are not like me. Or does your name not apply to the homosexual community? Not an attack… just wondering. And yes, God gave us organs to compliment one another….please spread the word to your STRAIGHT brothers who enjoy engaging in anal sex with a woman. Or does that not constitute as a complimentary entrance? Does oral sex count as a complimentary entrance….or should we just stick to missionary? And based on what Steven C {{QB}} said, I just have to shake my head. How quick black men are to forget that not even a full 2 centuries ago slavery ended, and even during the civil rights and still today there are Klu Klux Klan members shouting that God made the white man ruler over all other races. They used the Bible to control those that they were afraid of and a culture that they didn’t understand. Are we REALLY gonna use the same backdoor pew hatred? And even if there were documented proof that God said, which would be signified by red ink, that homosexuality is wrong it still wouldn’t be right to condemn one sin by being hateful and breaking other laws of God at the same time.I started this topic just because I was curious, but now I am saddened at the divide amongst humans.  I understand the connection to the church, I do and I love the Lord….he created us all and I believe that my role is to love EVERYONE. If I live my life according to his will and set an example for others, then they will come to God and HE will be the one to make any changes that he sees fit ( if any at all are needed). I think we as human beings have taken on God’s role far too much and have in turn tarnished his name by doing unjust things in it. I cannot and will not pass judgement (throw stones) or hate in JEsus’ name just because one minister quoted a verse in the Bible that he takes to be condemning homosexuality. Again, I will love, preach the word without judgement and people will come to know that God is a loving God and feel more welcome in His house. I have faith that God is still God and he can do more than I ever could, therefore I will continue to love and promote his word without hate, judgement or condemning actions. That’s my truth, and I’m sticking to it.

          Code Name Big Sexy says that he feels that the gay lifestyle is pushed on straight people, but I feel it is the other way around. I think that since people THINK that heterosexuals are the majority and are the right way to be heterosexuals push our lifestyle on to homosexuals. People are losing jobs, can’t protect our country or serve in our churches because we are pushing our sexual ideals on to them. A heterosexual isn’t losing their job because they didn’t turn gay. A heterosexual isn’t getting chained up to fences in Wyoming because they didn’t turn gay. (R.I.P Matthew). And yet heterosexuals feel as if the homosexuals are forcing themselves into our way of thinking? They are merely asking to be accepted as humans and treated fairly. And as a father, you should want your child to know that there are people who are different from you and them, but do so in a way to explain how your morals are set  up and not to teach hate. This form of communication will also open the window for your children to feel they can come talk to you when they have questions. It is a dialogue.  And that leads me to Jay S. Honey, you are a nice looking man, I agree, but every gay man does not want you nor will they hit on you. I GUARANTEE you that one of my gay friends could kick it with you and you would never know he was gay and never once would he hit on you because you are not his type. We have to get away from the stereotype that all gay men hit on every straight man. That is the HUGEST fallacy in the world! They are human. They like football, they look like some of your homeboys. All gay men are not feminine and switch their hips. So let’s get that out of our heads. Unless you want them to hit on you, then I support you too ( JUST KIDDING!!!).

        I think that the culture has to change in order for everyone to feel comfortable to be themselves. We have to change the way we think. They once thought that the earth was flat, the sun revolved around us, and that Tupac was dead, and we all know the truth now…don’t we? We have to have open minds to learn what is different from us. It is about respect, acceptance, and community. Gay is just a label that a label-giving society gave a group of people. How ironic that gay means happy.  I wonder what it would be like if we all could be happy just the same. Because from where I sit, we’re just scared of the unknown… and I don’t want to associate with a bunch of scaredy cats; No Homo(sapien). lol.

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT SO THAT WE CAN KEEP DISCUSSIONS LIKE THIS GOING!!!! I’m gonna stop writing if people don’t start leaving comments here on my blog!!!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~