~*2Deep*~

Posts Tagged ‘stupid’

Let’s Stay Together Til Finale Do Us Part

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 14 April 2011 at 12:08 am

Episode 1: Or Not

Episode 2: Filing for a Divorce

Episode 3: Simon Says

Episode 4: Kill Yourself!

Episode 5: Yes, I’m Still Watching

Episode 6: Give The Game This Slot Too

Episode 7: Ummm….

Episode 8: Die from Predictability

Episode 9: And Commit Suicide

Episode 10: Not Give A Damn

Episode 11: In Hell

Episode 12: Forget We Exist

         Okay, so by now you should know that I absolutely did not care enough about this damn show to watch or even review last week’s episode. UNTIL…. I sat down tonight and saw a season finale commercial. I felt bad. I felt guilted into writing this review because I felt like I didnt suffer through this show til the very end. So…… I am writing this portion on Sunday and the new episode comes on this Tuesday and I shall review.

Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2 END!!!!!

        Yep…. three days after the finale finally aired… I figured I would blog to its completion. Now…. why do they have one more episode than The Game? I soooooooo would rather be preparing my tax spreadsheet for my accountant rather than watching this, but I am not a quitter.

         Ummm.. what is up with Tasha’s bushy hair? Wait… is that the second Aunt Vivian from Fresh Prince of Bel Air? Wow… did her hair grey that fast? Wooooooooow! The original Aunt Viv still looks beautiful. Wait, not saying that her replacement isnt beautiful… okay..hell I said it. You know what I meant. Moving on.

         I now feel some kind of way watching Jackée Harry now that I know she was once married to Charles Elgin…or is it Elgin Charles? I’m sooooo not excited about this episode and you cant make me *crosses arms and pouts*.

        And did Kita just call her Mrs. Judge? Okay, so her name is Jaunita Lawrence. So I guess they had to get a light skinned mother to make up for Tasha’s skin tone…lol.

        But, to be honest, Charles and Stacy’s first meeting was the BEST acting that I have seen between the two of them the entire season! Waiiiiiit! This pinstripped dres that she has on was the coolest that we have seen Stacy the whole season? Sooooo where has this cool version of Stacy gone? Okay, soooo Joyful Drake, honey….we now know that your hair looks like a 70’s blowout because you needed it to look a certain way for the old flashback buuuuut they didnt have time to straighten it for the current time? And in these flashbacks… whywas Stacy’s hair the same in EVERY scene?

        I cannot wrap my mind around Charles’ acting. Like he broadcasts what he is thinking or about to say/do…instead of playing the opposite.

        And… what was the point of putting Troy (Tasha’s ex) there if it doesnt have ANYTHING to do with this plot. I mean I see how they used Charles to get him there, but I dont see the point of him there.

        Now Stacy’s dressis ….hold the TOMMY FUCK UP!!!! I’m waiting for Tommy ( as the pastor) to say ” You may kiss your bride, DAWG” lmao!!!

        Ummmmmmmmmm….. Is Charlse singing? And is it me, or did you not notice his lisp until he started singing this song? I mean this is second runner-up to Chris Brown’s “Atten-ten”. lol. I mean, Charlse has a nice voice… but this is when they should have had someone else sing this song FOR him. I am sitting here and all I can think of is how tall must Stacy be, or what is she standing on to be only inches below Tommy?

        Waiiiiit I spoke too soon. I think that Troy is going to be more into this plotline than I first expected. I hope so, at least.  And wow… Charles locked himself in a closet somewhere. I mean, the way that he ran out was STUPID and unbelievable. He easily could have said….I left what I wanted to say in the car. But noooooo. For dramatic effect you sat here and ran out all dramatic. SMH…. You cant make me believe that. I know you tried, but it was a horrible Douche with battery acid kind of fail!

Okay…. *sigh* it even ended like ass…..smdh

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Let’s Stay Together and Forget We Exist

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 14 April 2011 at 12:02 am

Episode 1: Or Not

Episode 2: Filing for a Divorce

Episode 3: Simon Says

Episode 4: Kill Yourself!

Episode 5: Yes, I’m Still Watching

Episode 6: Give The Game This Slot Too

Episode 7: Ummm….

Episode 8: Die from Predictability

Episode 9: And Commit Suicide

Episode 10: Not Give A Damn

Episode 11: In Hell

        Okay… so this past Tuesday….. I thought that BOTH The Game and Let’s Stay Together were having their season finales. And since I was sooooo swamped with having my diva Eboni Hogam visiting from out of town as my feature for my poetry shows, I only made it my business to review The Game’s  finale. I just didn’t care enough to stay up an extra 30 minutes to write about Let’s Stay Together and then another 30 minutes to edit and post. I figured that no one would care whether or not I wrote the blog or not. Now, today is officially SUNDAY….and I am sitting here watch The Family Crews and a commercial pops up with the Let’s Stay Together cast walking down the aisle… WTF?!!!!

     Okay… so I was guilted into writing this blog. Which means that after I write my blog on The Borgias I have to watch my DVR of Let’s Stay Together.Where they do that at?!!! I feel like I am being punished. I thought that it was over and I wouldnt have to write about it any more. But noooooooooo! It’s like the show that doesnt end. It’s like a yeast infection after Monistat 3 has been banned!! Its like the limp dick brother who keeps promising that he will put it on you!!! WHY!!!!

Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, ,2, 2, 2, zzzzzzzz

It is Wednesday, April 6th, and I am just now MAKING myself watch this episode before I begin watching The Real McCoy. Sad, yet so true.

OH MY LORD!!!! I waited two fucking weeks and they FINALLY did not start in the bedroom!!!!! *pauses to go run in my back yard in just my undies* True shit. My backyard is dark as hell when you turn the light off…lol. This reminds me that I need a privacy fence. I am sooooo excited about this. Why didnt anyone call me?!!! Ashley? Jessyca?!!!! I feel betrayed that you all would forget that I was waiting all my life for this moment!!! Shame!!! See how black people do you. lls.

*Damn this steak and asparagus salad is delicious* SHit…. forgot I could fast forward through commercials….lol. *fast forward*

Damn… who is this actor who is playing Ellis Johnson? Ummm… tip of my tongue like a kinky night at a strippers club. Chris spencer?! yeh… that’s who that is. He is so funny.  But right now his jokes are corny. See, bad acting can make a great actor/comedian not funny.

Umm… Charles with his legs up in the air….didnt I mention the tip of my tongue? And his happy face is like.. no! OH!!!! COUNTESS VAUGHN!!! Lmao! She said “I feel it all up in my chest parts”!!!! LLS! I can’t stop laughing…hahahahahaha.I love her!!! I am so glad to see her back on the screen! Okay… Casting Director, you did well….this time.

I spoke too damn soon. Countess is carrying this scene by her damn self. Sad when a guest actor can make you laugh harder than the regulars.  Like, why is Ellis snorting? Was I the only one who heard this? And why must everyone check their phone with extended arms? Are they blind?

And wow…. we saw this setup a mile away. Of course they were going to bring dates to the comedy show. SMDH!!! Can you writers stop fucking broadcasting?!!!!!!!!!!!! You had 12 episodes to figure this shit out. smdh.I have had enough of bad writing, here and in bad life… please don’t make me shoot you with a thesaurus!

SMH. Kita calling Chanteuse out is horrible.  I am still over this whole situation. Wait…. Charmaine popping out the bathroom stall is weird and random. When was she suppose to know them? We’ve never seen her before today. Yep, Kim Whitley & Countess Vaughn are carrying this show.

Waiiiiiiiiiiiit! Okay, so this whole bathroom love confession …. Derwin has been there and done that. And it doesnt even seem believable. There are too many interruptions while they are trying to get a laugh. And I know DAMN WELL that she did NOT kneel and ask him to marry her. SMDH!!! If I see AIN’ bitch try that shit I swear I am quitting on love all together. And why did they walk all the way across the restaurant to exit when he came in from the same door the bathroom was on? So wouldnt his car be on the same side and Stacy would have caught a ride from Ellis? See…. I pay too close attention to detail to have them try to pull an okie doke on me. Still rushed and contrived. *sigh* But al least they didn’t start in the fucking bedroom.

Okay…. I MIGHT watch the next episode after this.. but I can’t stomach too much of this whack ass show!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Let’s Stay Together in Hell

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 24 March 2011 at 12:02 am

Episode 1: Or Not

Episode 2: Filing for a Divorce

Episode 3: Simon Says

Episode 4: Kill Yourself!

Episode 5: Yes, I’m Still Watching

Episode 6: Give The Game This Slot Too

Episode 7: Ummm….

Episode 8: Die from Predictability

Episode 9: And Commit Suicide

Episode 10: Not Give A Damn

        Soooooo 11 episodes later and they STILL are starting in the bedroom. Yep… my girl Ashley called me from Alabama to point this out to me. Sad how everyone knows that I called this shit. My mentee @abmoore20 was dying laughing when the text came in and this was his first time watching the show…shame. Wow.. so Kita’s has a studio apartment? Okay, so this is the first time that we have seen their father. Unfortunately, every time i see Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, all I see is Joe Jackson from Jackson 5: An American Dream. And wow… why is he doing this bogus ass dance… I cant watch. This scene is boring me to stupidity.

        I am so confused by the shot that just occured. I thought that Jamaal and Tasha had a house… but they flashed the outside of a hotel/condo building. They havent done that the entire season so I have no clue what their house looks like outside. So why are they doing it now? I am soooo confused. Just show the invisible babies so that i can be familiar with something. *sigh*

Okay, and now they chose to show the outside of the medical center as well…..

       Wait… is this fine father the guy from Medea’s Family reunion? Yep, Henry Simmons…..Yummy… I mean…. did he just take his outter shirt off……wowzers. It should be a crime to look that damn good while fully dressed. he is right up there next to Sheriff Troy ( Lamon Rucker). But why is this dumb bitch putting the stethoscope on the father? I dont get it. Wow… okay, how did the son see the gum under the desk while on the examine table in a whole other room? Okay, so I just found out that her name Stacy Lawrence. Yes, here comes the invisible twins!!!!

        I love that @abmoore20 is sitting here next to me suffering. I cant take this alone. Wow… why did they pick this actor to play the father? He is over acting as well. I cant take it!!! Yeh… @abmoore just said ” Well, I guess that everyone cant do everything perfectly.” Funny how he said that right after I just told him that Queen Latifah is the Executive Producer for this show.  I tried yall… Would you all hate me if I didnt write about the finale? This show was over on the first episode. We are 11 shows in and I still know nothing about these boring ass people. Do they not have friends? I havent seen any constant friendships since Stacy’s friends from college left.

        HOLD UP!!! Did Vannessa Bell Calloway just put down the imaginary D.C. chapter of whatever the hell organization they are in? *pops knuckles* Say it again ! Whoodie Who!!!! Is ass a prerequisite to be in this elite club? Were there any plus sized women in this organization?

And of course they showed the funniest parts in the commercial. Okay, and now this guy who is on a date with Stacy [ Henry Simmons] is actually pissing me off. I dont find it comical. I think that it is horrible.

And I called it… ask @abmoore10… Vannessa’s character was fronting. This show is so fucking predicatable. Sad, yet tru.

I dont give a damn about next week’s episode. Watch it your damn self! *ugh* Bored…..still…

Sincerely,

~*MY Mother’s Daughter*~

Let’s Stay Together and Not Give a Damn

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 17 March 2011 at 12:02 am

Episode 1: Or Not

Episode 2: Filing for a Divorce

Episode 3: Simon Says

Episode 4: Kill Yourself!

Episode 5: Yes, I’m Still Watching

Episode 6: Give The Game This Slot Too

Episode 7: Ummm….

Episode 8: Die from Predictability

Episode 9: And Commit Suicide

        UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I said that I wouldn’t write for this boring ass show any more… but it was on… and I started this process, so, I need to finish it. No matter how much of a punishment this is I need to talk shit about the ENTIRE season. For example…..I mean damn… they started in the boring ass bedroom again.  SMH. Even my homegirl Ashley texted me all the way from Alabama to point this obvious fact out to me…lol. I told yall I was in NO danger of running in my backyard naked because they would do this the ENTIRE season. I can hear my home girl, Cristina, now….lmbo! No….even better… I can hear Wedlocks screaming from her couch!!!

         I blanked out and wasn’t paying attention to the rules that Charles and Stacy were coming up with in order to be friends while they are apart.

        And watching Jamaal and Tasha come up with which object to bring to life in a children’s book is really killing me. Maybe…..and this is JUST A SUGGESTION…..maybe they could make the CHILDREN APPEAR!!! That would be the best book ever!

        Is that Nephew Tommy? LMAO!!! They are trying to get every comedic cameo in this first season, but it still isn’t making this show funny.  Okay…. I take that back… LMAO!!! Did Kita just say they came up with the song called “Save a Thong, Wear a Thug” and “What You Mixed Wit” lmao!!!!! Straight foolishness.

         I think that the commercials gave away the point of this show. Like we already knew that they were going to sleep together, so there was no suspense.  You’re not suppose to give away the meat of the plot in the previews. *sigh* I could write a better show. I swear I could.

         Watching Tasha pretend not to know how to type is painful. And in her words “ THIS SHOW DON’T MAKE NO DAMN SENSE!” Yes, I’m aware of the grammatical structure…but she said it, not me.

         I don’t even know how this episode ended…. Was too busy editing my The Game  blog so I have no clue, nor so I care. So sad. And scene!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Let’s Stay Together and Commit Suicide

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 10 March 2011 at 12:02 am

Episode 1: Or Not

Episode 2: Filing for a Divorce

Episode 3: Simon Says

Episode 4: Kill Yourself!

Episode 5: Yes, I’m Still Watching

Episode 6: Give The Game This Slot Too

Episode 7: Ummm….

Episode 8: Die from Predictability

        I refuse to comment on the fact that they started AGAIN….in the bedroom! I mean, who has a Wii in their damn bedroom unless they live in a studio apartment? *Yawn* Can someone, ANYONE please tell me the significance of this fucking bedroom. I don’t get it. Is it a gimmick gone horribly wrong? WHAT?! And Why, Why, Why, Why, Why , Why, WHY must we start and finish EVERY episode with Stacey and Charles? The redundancy is making this show horrible for me. You watch shows that are meant to surprise you, keep you mystified until the very last minute. There is not enough substance here to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, yet alone to keep me mystified. Mystery babies, horrible accents, laugh tracks, repetition, and lack of substance merely suggest that I lower my IQ in order to love this show….and I refuse.

Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,  *Yawn*

        I am not drunk enough to watch this show. ooooooooooooooh *runs to fridge and pulls out Moscato* Wait…. *takes shot of Vodka first* Okay…. now I can watch the show.

        Sidebar: For those of you who don’t know me… ask the people who do….. I KEEPS liquor in my house. And YES, I really did just stock up on the Goose in order to watch this show.

        And this half-naked pic of Charles….ummm… *tilts head* I am trying to say in the nicest way possible….but KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON, PLAYA! (Recap:  Do you know that this pic never came back up in the rest of the show. So he showed a pic of a calendar he was in for a fundraising auction, but it wasnt a part of the plot of this episode. THEN WHY HAVE THE FUCKING PIC AND SUBTEXT IF IT IS IRRELEVANT TO THE OVER ALL PLOT OF THIS EPISODE?!!! Must I teach you people everything?!)

        WTF happened to Jackee’s neck? I am bored watching it. What are all of these gifts for?Did I mention *yawn* that I am getting bored watching this? I want you to be just as bored reading this as much as i am ….OH! Bourbon!!! He used bourbon in his sauce. I don’t drink dark liquor…but whatever will get me through the next 15 minutes of this bullshit will surely suffice…. *yawn* Shit…what was I saying.

        Maybe it is the shot… but havent we seen Tasha with this look before. The white tee and skirt look? And it kills me how we will never see minimum wage people with the same outfit on. I want a show to challenge us and pop up with a repeat wardrobe. I know it has only been 9 dreadful, completely dreadful, episodes….but I need a repeat wardrobe. Hell, they already repeat the opening and closing of the show why not repeat a dress. And maybe this episode was EXTRA boring because it only took place in their house. *yawn*…and *yawn*…. oh hell, never mind..*yawn*

        Okay. I quit. I can’t watch any more of this today *yawn* I keep yawning every time I come to write. Shit, if you didn’t watch it…. you didn’t miss anything.

        In recap:  Tasha & Stacey’s father gave Charles and Jamaal some manly advice about getting married, while Charles and Kita’s mother is in the other room giving Kita, Tasha & Stacey some advice about not getting married.The same old thing you hear bitter old people say. So, you see… it was a recap of a black family reunion. Okay… I’m sure more happened… I, literally, was too damn bored and didn’t give a fuck enough to watch it. And Scene.

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So does Charles’ moving out really mean that next episode wont start in the fucking bedroom? THERE IS A GOD!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

 

2011 DMV Awards: Coonstastically Coonerific! Pt2

In Lyrically Speaking on 7 March 2011 at 12:42 pm

        So if you read my other blog post 2011 DMV Awards: Coonstastically Coonerific! Pt1 [<~Click here to read] then you already know what happened, but you don’t know how I feel about it.

        Outside of me being pissed that i took the time to prepare for the event, that they didn’t have a place for me to sit, and that I didn’t get to perform ….partially due to the fact that I was running for my life….I was soooo embarrassed! I know this shouldnt be a white black thing, so I will make it a white , black, nigger thing. When I walked into the hotel I was praying that there was no one from my job within a 50 mile radius of this place. Judging by the attire and attitude of people hovering around the entrance this was not the crowd that I would ever be caught dead with. Call it judgement but later activities would prove me correct. There was a veterans seminar going on upstairs and there was a sea of elderly white people dangling over the balconies to catch a glimpse of all the ill-dressed “coloreds” with the cameras flashing and red carpet affairs. One friend even told me that an elderly white woman told him that she was happy that the “next generation was doing something so positive”.  Another gentleman was over heard saying, ” …looks like good, clean fun.” This is what an on-looker thought of the 1,500+ people who showed up to supposedly celebrate one another.

        I was outraged that even from the jump things were not done properly. Black people, we have GOT to raise our standards up higher than what we continue to allow to occur. The line for the registration was at the bottom of the escalators and could have been around the corner where the “pat down” was located. There weren’t any efforts to place proper signage to alert the people as to which line to get in for wrist bands, etc. And if I were to go back, there should have been a dress code for the award show. It should have been church or temple attire to enter this event. Something about wearing different clothes will make you act better for just a little while longer. I felt like I was walking down the streets of Southeast DC, not that I would…..and not that everyone is Southeast is horrible….but it certainly didn’t feel like an award show. EVERY man should have a suit. Call me stuck up if you want, but that should be a goal for every man to save up to buy at least one suit. And this award show would have been the proper place to wear it. Hell, slacks and a button up would have sufficed…anything but the street attire that allowed street activities to occur.

       There was a taste of greed in the atmosphere as well. There were more people in that room than what that space would/should have allowed. I heard that the tables were sold for $500 a pop. Now I am all for making a profit, but fundraise, get sponsors, something! There were too many people walking between the tables than sitting to watch the show. The atmosphere was more on profits than true performance and celebration. I wouldn’t have started the show until everyone was seated and made to respect what the event was about in the first place. This is why people get to behave so poorly at events like this and then come uptown to my event and get their feelings hurt when I show their asses how to properly behave. This shit has GOT to stop.

       The program, aside from misspelled words and names of invited performers, was more about advertisement than to direct and guide the show. Now I know that is where the sponsors go, but how was the show suppose to be ran? Someone could have easily taken a church program and used that outline. I didn’t know which performer I would have gone after or which category I may have performed after. It was all so disorganized.

        But at the root of it all….I had to ask myself if these were my people. The answer, no. My people don’t do things like this. My people know how to act when at home but especially when out in public amongst mixed company. MY people respect one another and even when they disagree they do so in a contained manner. No one should ever know the disagreements that occur inside of one’s house. I finally understood why people who leave the hood sometimes choose to never look back. For once I saw it. I understood the motive behind their actions. I didn’t want to be associated with these people. I wanted to find all footage that had me on it and burn it. I was ashamed to be the same shade of skin as these people.

        I was ashamed that black men felt the need to assert their “manhood” by beating someone up. I couldn’t believe my eyes at the sea of innocent people who were hurt because they thought that being a man meant to jump another person who looked just like them. Looking over the banister of the second tier, I couldn’t tell who the victim was, who the help was, or who the fighters were; THEY ALL LOOKED ALIKE! They looked alike, they looked alike, GOT DAMN IT NIGGAS, YOU ALL LOOKED ALIKE!!! The only thing that separated you was where you resided, who your friends were and that you had different mamas, but I be damned if someone told me that they could tell the difference between these males.

        I am sitting here in my office fighting back tears. I saw older ladies get hit , females being tossed to the floor and thrown on tables to be moved out of the way. I saw a black teen come out of the hotel and film a girl’s mother crying and laughed because he thought it was funny. How is THAT being a man? How is THAT showing pride in who you are and where you come from?How did any of that make sense? The aftermath damn near resembled an earthquake or natural disaster. Broken tables, bottles shatter, chairs turned over, articles of clothing left behind and in pieces….this is something that one should never have to see; something that one should never do to YOUR OWN PEOPLE!

       And maybe I just don’t get it, the hood mentality, but the truth of the matter is…. I don’t want to get it. NOTHING is ever that bad that you have to physically fight to prove your point. I know what it feels like to want to pin a bitch to the wall for talking out the side of her high-yella mouth and trying you…trust me, I do. But I also know what it feels like to refrain because I had nothing to prove to her. Me stomping her ass was a given. Everyone knew I would win that fight and I would come out looking like a bully rather than a strong woman who put this bitch in her place. I know what it feels like to be ostracized by those who claim loyalty to her and her lies in the shadow of something that only she and I know occurred. I know how it feels.Trust me, I know how it feels to have some one verbally come at you and you just stand there and take it. I’ve been disrespected before in a ballroom full of people. And you better believe that my first instinct was to SLICE THIS BITCH UP! But his own actions , my knowing I did no wrong, somehow was enough for me to leave it alone. I even changed my opening speech from “Taalam Acey said it best, there’s a market for niggas” just because I didn’t want people to think that I said it specifically for that nut. It hurt, yes it did. To be attacked whether someone felt I earned it or not…it stung. But just as I could scream that there was a more tactful and respectful way for those dummies to handle themselves, there was a better way for me to handle myself….and I believe I took the higher road. Because when it is all said and done, my life moves on. So what he bumped into you…. your life will move on. So what he is from a different hood than you… so what! YOUR LIFE WILL MOVE ON!  YOUR LIFE WILL MOVE ON!!! None of what happened was worth what occurred.

       Call me stuck up if you want… I don’t give a FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! The only difference between me and these people are the fact that I KNOW BETTER. I had a hard childhood. I wasnt given shit. I literally/metaphorically fought my way through some situations. The difference is that I never once put myself or others in danger to assert myself. When you know better, you do better. So at what point did black people stop knowing better? At what point did beating each other become the norm? At what point did it become okay for people to be smiling and grinning and filming outside of these occurrences? Why wasnt anyone who wasnt hurt upset? Why weren’t they running to the police to nip everything in the bud?I just don’t get it.

       No one will want to come to this award next year, if there is a show next year. No place worth coming would want to host it after what happened this year. And some of these places will be weary to rent out their space to other black organizations looking to build a successful foundation all because these coons decided to act an ass. And no one is willing to tell who started the fight. No one is willing to speak. You better believe that if this effected ANYTHING that was near and dear to me… I would squeal. AND LOUD! I would point out people in the YouTube vids. I’d get the guy who stole the bottle of liquor and admitted to it. I’d slow down every tape and point out the performers who were just on stage before the fight broke out. Yes, your officer…the dude in all black with the locs throwing the chair is apart of the group named ( insert group here).  I’m not afraid to stand up for what is right. The sad thing is… I shouldnt have to be the only one.

P.S. You can tell the high-yella heffa & the nut I said it. I have already said it to them… so go ahead… be a nosey motherfucker and start something up. Its old news. You’ll be the main nigga that my blog was talking about… constantly trying to keep shit going. My opinions are just that. So nigga…..do you.

       Also, tune in tomorrow to read my blog 200 Men Said….Let aMan be a Man[<~Click here tomorrow]. Even though it deals with relationships…. how appropriate that it follows after this blog. It wasnt scheduled, but the universe works in mysterious ways.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*

2011 DMV Awards: Coonstastically Coonerific! Pt1

In Lyrically Speaking on 7 March 2011 at 10:57 am

        You might have seen nigger before, but you aint NEEEEEEEEEEVER seen nigger like this! Yes, I said it.. and what!  What am I talking of, you ask? Well, that would be the 2011 DMV Awards. No, not the Department of Motor Vehicles, but the DC, Maryland, and Virginia Music Awards. TRUST ME when I tell y’all that the only way I could describe this event would be “Coontastically Coonerific”.  WARNING!!!!!!: This is a LONG ASS BLOG POST!

        Let me give you some back history. I was introduced to the coordinator of the event a month or two ago at an industry event party hosted by an amazing diva. I thought that this would be an amazing opportunity to bring poetry to a different demographic who may never travel to where I reside in order to be enlightened by Spoken Word. I even heard that there was a category for Best Spoken Word Artist. Now, this was news to me because I had never even HEARD of the DMV Awards before this moment. So how could there be an award for us when no one I knew was even aware that they were even NOMINATED? Yes, you read that correctly. My #1 ace called several people who were nominated in the poetry category and they were oblivious to the fact that they were even nominated. WTF? So was it a front? Who did they give the trophies to? Just…yeh. So after several conversations I got my big brother on the performance list as well because I thought that it would be good for this group to see a black male performing poetry as well. We were promised emails to give us performance details, when we would go on, directions, etc…..and we NEVER received them. This…..should have been a warning sign.

       So, word on the street to people who I had come in contact with had already warned me that the DMV Awards was full of niggery. After having asked the coordinator, and I quote, “What is the dress code? Is it DC Club trendy or BET Honors?” To which he replied, ” WOW. That’s your call. I’m going for the shock value.” WTF kind of Tom Foolery is that? After hearing that, I was prepared to walk into the prestige kingdom of Niggerdom. I had got my hair done the night before, picked out a mature and sophisticated outfit that would make me one of the few women with the most amount of clothes in the building.

        Upon walking up to the Hyatt-Regency of Crystal City, I could already tell we were in the right place due to the mounds of black people outside dressed in next to nothing. Yes, the fellas were in nothing more impressive than what appeared to be basement party dance-off gear and the females were dawning dresses made for an Uncle Luke video primed for BET Uncut. I am a straight woman who couldn’t take my eyes off the asses of these females whose dresses were inches from the cracks of their asses. I mean, here we were in 40 degree weather and these bitches were wearing Cooch Couture! Women of all ill shapes were set up by other ill-figured bitches. I saw more saggy breasts than a maternity ward at Jackson Hospital. I immediately knew that I wasnt suppose to be there do to the array of ass that was on display. Now having been a chronic sufferer of Donk Deficiency myself, I was a little out of my element…but I digress.

        The press was there in abundance, and so were the hoodrats trying to get their attention. I mean, nominees were taking red carpet picks with their make-up artists. WTF? Where they do that at? (Pardon the preposition ending, but you know what I mean). Judging by the looks of this Flava Flav colored woman dawning Golden Arches colored lipstick… I be damned if I would claim her as my make-up artist, yet alone have her in my red carpet photos. Yes, I had finally entered nigger activity.  But NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING prepared me for what would follow.

        Upon entering the ballroom, being pat down for weapons, twice, …..

       Sidebar: In the line to get pat down for weapons, a guy pulled out a WAD of $100 bills the size of a Double Quarter Pounder and placed them on the table because he was told to empty his pockets. Now, stereotypically…a guy dressed as poorly as he, white-tee, jeans, sneakers, sunglasses inside of a hotel at night-time, and unkempt facial hair and locs, one would suggest that he wasnt suppose to have that kind of money….legally. Secondly, nigga, we are at a hotel for an award show…why the fuck do you have that kind of money on your person? I was prepared to rob you my damn self.

        Now, I found a woman who was assisting with the show and asked where were the performers suppose to sit. Do you know that this woman had enough nerve to ask me if I had purchased a table? WTF!!!! Trick, I was invited to perform for YOUR SHOW, performers don’t purchase tables or seats. You reserve seats for your  performers and presenters and everyone else should purchase a seat. After temporarily sitting at a reserved table, I finally planted my ass in a chair that was propping open the ballroom doors and that is where God had intended me to sit for the remainder of my time there.

        One would think that this was more of a club atmosphere than an award show. People were constantly walking throughout the crowds no one was really paying any attention to anyone that was on stage and half of the winners weren’t even in the building to accept the award. See how helpful reserved seating would be? Niggers parading with bottles of champagne, logo tatted shirts, and drunk niggers galore were everywhere. There was no respect in the room. So the inevitable was bound to happen….and it did.

        After calling for an intermission, I saw people at the front of the room turn around and point to the back of the room. Now, as a black person, it is innate that if ONE person runs, you all run. So when I saw the finger point to the back of the room  my inner hood pounced into survival mode. I turned my head and saw a chair raise up and immediately land on this guy. I took off my 4 inch heels, hooked the corner and was out into the lobby running from the foolishness that was occurring just feet away from me. So apparently this fight broke out: (View at 1:32)

        Yes, THIS is what happened at an award show. Source Awards on repeat. At 3:29 you hear a hood chick proclaim how people were leaving their things and how she had on $100,00 worth of jewelry on. Say it with me now..>WTF?! Why would ANYONE in this place have on a hundred thousand dollars worth of jewelry on? They may have…but I doubt it.  And you immediately see a guy, ON CAMERA, admitting to stealling liquor out of the hotel after the fight broke out. Now I cant say this enough but WTF?!!!

       After the first 4 fights broke out I was in the lower lobby. I witnessed the employee worker get his face damn near ripped off, I saw him pass us with napkins dripping his blood across the lobby floor. HE WAS AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER!!! I saw an older woman who was a vendor sitting at her table get pushed and hit once. SHE WAS AN INNOCENT BYSTANDER!!!  There I was standing there, barefoot, in the lobby of a hotel with a sea of madness surrounding me and not knowing what to do next. I raced all the way upstairs and out of the hotel to be faced with Virginia Police Department decorated in riot gear. Nothing says game over like a VAPD pointing an AK 47 in your face telling you to keep it moving.  If there wasnt foolishness inside, there was bound to be some foolishness outside. This had “accidental police shooting” written all over it.

        We hopped back in my truck and we left with more than 25 police cars blocking any route back to the hotel. There was even a police SUV, a few streets over, with his lights off waiting to catch any more of the madness that may have trickled away from the hotel. What baffled me is the fact that 6, count them SIX, of the guys even recorded in this video in neon yellow shirts were covered in blood, ripped shirts, and bloody faces walked right out the front door of the hotel and passed by the cops. Now, if I were a snitch…. I would have brought attention to them. I would have said, these are the same motherfuckers who were JUST performing on the stage prior to the intermission. But I guess that would go against the hood code, right? Well damn it…. I aint from the hood.

        Read DMV AWARDS: Coonstastically Connerific Pt2 [<~Click here in a moment] to read my lessons learned through this.

       Also, tune in tomorrow to read my blog 200 Men Said….Let aMan be a Man[<~Click here tomorrow]. Even though it deals with relationships…. how appropriate that it follows after this blog. It wasnt scheduled, but the universe works in mysterious ways.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

*Click on Title and scroll down to read comments or to leave a comment.*~

Let’s Stay Together and Die from Predictability

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 3 March 2011 at 12:02 am

Episode 1: Or Not

Episode 2: Filing for a Divorce

Episode 3: Simon Says

Episode 4: Kill Yourself!

Episode 5: Yes, I’m Still Watching

Episode 6: Give The Game This Slot Too

Episode 7: Ummm….

        Okay… this is how coming down off a crack or weed induced high must feel. I was just so excited about watching that episode of The Game and knowing that my homegirl Cristinia is gonna have a field day with her commentary and then I remembered that I had to watch this boring ass show.

Take Boredom in 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, zzzzzzzz

        Okay, is this like Episode 8 and they are still starting the show off in the bedroom. I can’t remember but wasnt last episode the one where she was too afraid to get married? And yet they are all in love as if the last episode didn’t even occur? SHOOT ME NOW!!!!!!!!!

        Okay, am I the only one who realized that they roll the kids into the room and they always face a wall? I’m calling CPS on them. The kids never move, they never cry, people can have full adult conversation without ever taking the children out of the stroller. Shame. If you weren’t planning on showing the children… don’t write twins into the show!!!

        Yes, I realize I start everything off with “Okay”. But hell… if they can start every damn episode off in the bedroom, I can start off every paragraph with okay.

       SO KITA IS GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR THIS ENTIRE EPISODE?!! THERE IS A GOD!!!! Can the rest of the cast sign on to her vow of silence.

        Ummm.. how did the Stacey see Tasha and Jamaal coming into the restaurant without even turning around. And are the kids named Emma & JJ? How is one named to go to Harvard and the other named to go to Howard? And why was she taking the sheets off the bed? I’m confused-ed!!!!! And why are they dressed so well to PAINT!!! Can we get any worse with the believability of this show?

        Speaking of painting… are the invisible twins with the invisible grandparents? I am so tired of waiting to see kids that don’t exist that it is giving me a migraine. I want them to surprise me. I can’t do it…..shoot me now! If I stop blogging about this…would you guys even mind? Hell.. I say invisible, because Jamaal just asked Charles if he has met his FIANCEE’s mother! Sooooo the only family member that he has met of Stacey’s is her sister Tasha? Where do her parents live? I’m confused. He can meet her friends from college, but not her parents? *side eye* Someone didn’t think this plot out.

        I feel like getting my fallopian tubes removed under local anesthesia than watch this shot. I would rather get my groove on with a 72-year-old man with erectile dysfunction even after using Viagra than watch this show. I would rather witness this imaginary baby pee all over Stacey….while she wears a shirt that she has yet to take off. Did she at least wash the pee off? Yep… I would rather get a Brazilian with old wax from a blind German woman than watch this show. I am almost positive that I would rather get gang raped by midgets with Prince Alberts than be forced to watch this next week.  No… I’ll go as far as to say I would rather exhume my mother and slap her than to….okay I think you get it. Is it over? Please let this commercial come back with credits. SHIT!

       Ummmm.. fuck a vow of silence. If a man came at me like that I would have to talk and then start the vow over after the fact. lmao!

       Grade: Oh hell… I still hate it. I ran out of clever flunking grades. I still don’t get this damn show. At least tonight they tied in the fact that they don’t know when the wedding is going to be. The DL relationship jokes between Jamaal and …damn what is the fiance’s name…it would have been funny but for some reason it didn’t stick. Can I be the first to start praying that they give The Game this time slot next season? And scene!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

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