Lyrically Speaking~ Marsha Ambrosius: I Hope She Cheats on You

        Bitter bitches around the world could be heard slamming keypads to a point of no return as they Googled, Rhapsody searched, and iTunes bought Marsha Ambrosius’ ” I Hope She Cheats on You” from her album Late Nights and Early Mornings. Beyoncé’s “Put a Ring On It” deemed archaic…. I mean who wants that motherfucker now? NOT I!!! No, this song became the 2010 anthem as women purchased court side seats for their men as they pointed out just how nice Dwayne Wade’s ass looks in the middle of a lay-up.  Comments of  “I wonder if LeBron can take it to the hole for real” taunt him during half time. Yes, bitches!!! THIS IS WHY WE WATCH BASKETBALL!!!! Sports Center will never be the same. *Duh-nuh-nuh, Duh-nuh-nuh! lmao!

        I can see it now, Half-Time show brought to you by Bitter Bitches of America and sponsored by Midol. Performance by Marsha Ambrosius. All you hear are the snaps to the intro and out come these hooded figures snapping into formation, reminiscent of the Egyptian dancers in MJ’s Remember the Time. No one’s face is seen but Marsha as the formation is made behind her as she stands center court under a sole spotlight. All you can hear through the arena is:

Verse 1:
Ew whew ew whew oh oh
I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa.
Hope that she Kim Kardashian’ed her way up.
Don’t know the difference ‘tween a touchdown and a layup.
Got you on Viagra in order for you to stay up.

Pre-chorus:
I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her.
I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture.
Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby?
[Cues for mysterious dancers to drop their hoods]

Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh?

        CROWD GOES WILD!!!!  Hoods are flipped back and Shaunie O’Neal can be seen leading Royce’s choreography! Yes, that’s right people…the entire cast of Basketball Jump-offs, I mean Wives, are center court, booty popping to their new ceremonial anthem! Being careful not to slip on their own tears, glass of water, wine or beverage of choice that has been thrown Evelyn-syle as a symbolic statement of I HATE YOU BITCH, TRY ME. They are in perfect harmony  as the chorus breaks out amongst the arena speakers.

Chorus:
Well look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
Ew now that I’m without cha.

        Aw shit! Just when you couldn’t get enough of Gloria’s “That’s What’s Up” wrist twists and Jennifer’s forehead…not to be outdone, on runs the cast of The Game to show these bitches how it is really done! Go Tasha! It’s ya Birthday! Call Pookie! Go Pow, Pow! Go Janay, It’s Ya baby’s Daddy! Work It Med School! Work it! Work it! Get Low Kelly, like your bank funds! lmao Yes, Jazz choreographed this portion of the great display of bitter bitches! DO THE TSUNAMI!!!!

Verse 2:
I hope she cheat on you wit an NFL baller.
She ignores you every single time you call her.
Brand new Louis, gotta have it spend your money on her.
When you wanna hit it she actin’ like she don’t wanna.

Pre-chorus:
I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her.
I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture.
Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby?
Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh? (Baby)

 

        Then they all join together as if Disney knew that this would be a musical. The cast from Glee! just itching in their seats to get up and join in a higher octave; judgment spewing from their eyes as if to say “Sit down , bitches, and let the professionals do it.” But it has already continued without them. This is Annette Funicello meets Lena Horne in Baldwin Hills directed by Tyler Perry. It is classic SNL Tom foolery in the key of broken-hearted! ENTERTAINMENT PEOPLE!!!! And a 5, 6, 7, 8,…..

Chorus:
Well look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.

Look at how it all turned out now.
Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
Ew now that I’m without cha.

 

        And true to Chorus Line form, they each take turns accenting a line from the hook as banners of who did them wrong are dropped from the arena ceiling along with Kim Kardashian’s pic just because the bitch made the song hot. And no one argues about her placement in the song because its true. And she could care less as long as the check clears! With a 1 and a 2 and…..

Hook:
She cute and all, but that won’t last forever.
What I had for you was so much better.
Yeah the grass ain’t greener on the other side of town.
Now look at how it all turned out now.
I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter.
But I’m doing better, ’cause we ain’t together.
You sorry excuse for somebody I was into.
Remember what it was when I was wit’ you?

Chorus:
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. (so sad cheated on you wit’ a basketball playa)
Look at how it all turned out now.
Now that I’m without cha baby.

  

        And for the closing finale, their children run out on the court doing the stanky leg while their divorce lawyers throw business cards into the crowd via the t-shirt shooter. They all start to do the dramatic , yet sexy slow walk with finger snaps off the court as Marsha  ad libs. And just as they hit the exit, you can see Juanita Jordan giving high fives to the women as they head back to the dressing room where security can protect them from their exes……lmao. NeNe Leaks can be seen trying to get an interview from the sidelines.

Ad-libs:
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) heeeeyyyy yeah (x2)
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) saaaannnnggg yeah
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) Sing
(I hope she cheat on you)
I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa yeah.
Hope you feelin’ lonely now we’re not together baby.
Said I hope she cheat on you baby.

 

Yes….. this is how I envision it. This is how my head works. Dont judge me… you’re just mad because you didn’t think of it first! But serioiusly…. I am so glad that Marsha is back…and boy did she come back with a bang! You better believe that I am going to come back and review Far Away! This diva has us all wishing evil on our exes and his new girl…lol. But done so with a powerful voice that demands you pay attention and listen. Job well done, diva… I have NOTHING bad to say about this song.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

 

Related Articles:

• Singer Marsha Ambrosius Opens Up About Homophobia (alternet.org)
• Video: Marsha Ambrosius – ‘Far Away’ (rap-up.com)

VMA Recap: 2Deep Style

 

VMA 2010

       Ummmmm…. there was really no fan fare and out right debauchery that I have become accustomed to seeing when I turned on the awards. It didn’t really feel like an award show because Beyonce didn’t win a single “lady’s” award.  And Lady Gaga was too PMS emotional for me to stomach all in one swallow. But it was what it was and that is why we are here.

        First, WHAT THE FUDGE WERE THEY THINKING WHEN CHOSING CHELSEA HANDLER AS THE HOST? I’ve seen her show, I don’t think they’ve seen her show, have you seen her show…okay, then you know. So, outside of the borderline KKK comedy that came from her mouth, everything was relatively PG-13. I think I could have counted the amount of censored bleeps they used on her with one hand. LAME. That makes for no fun. I could have done better. The jokes were predictable, I wish her drunk ass would have stood in one place because her walking back and forth for no damn reason was giving me a headache. I think she only had 2 costume changes which makes her not that important. Hell, Kathy Griffin would have gotten more changes than that and she is on the D List. But I digress….

        I’m suing MTV for negligent advertising through the obsessed use of Cover Girl’s Taylor Swift rants. I swear… I was prepared to go Tonya Harding on that tazz if I heard Taylor Swift’s name one more ‘gin. For all of the Taylor Swift fans, that is ebonics for once more. We get it, Kanye’s speaking the truth last year at the wrong damn time was the big black elephant in the room…that should have squashed both Chelsea and Taylor. But the both of them continuously acknowledging it just gave Kanye more power. He was able to weasel his way into the host’s material as well as Taylor’s. The best way to deal with Kanye, like us black people do at times, is to ignore him. He made you relevant this year. He made them call you back to perform this year to have your spotlight. He is the reason  Cover Girl blasted your name in ads every 15 minutes and never once did that for Rhianna or Beyonce who have waaaaaaaaay more nominations and awards than you. So, secretly, say thank you and get on with it. Yes, he was wrong. But it made you go down in history. We’ll always remember the innocent girl who had her moment stolen by Kanye and restored by both Beyonce and MTV 2 years in a row.  your music is lovely and I will never take that away from you……but if I hear your name again, I swear I will Kanye everything you do….try me!

        Will I Am [Nuts] straight up confused me with that ensemble. I was concerned. I wasnt sure if he needed psychiatric attention or was acting out because people no longer thought he was black. I am still at a lost for words.

        Drake!!! Love it, Love it!, Love it!…..but why did he look like a high yellow Fred Astaire gliding across the stage as the missing Rat Pack member? A Rapper in a suit is classic….but I had a disconnect with the stage performance. I finally figured out what Swizz was saying… it is Concealer…like how you conceal an affair from your wife.. but I digress again. Mary J Blige in a hat took me back to classic MJB. Something about a hat makes her soul come out. Made me want to cut a hole in the top of a baseball cap and jam out to the performance. But she stole the show.

        In failing news, I voted for Nicki Hoenaj as the New Artist of the Year award just because Beiber was getting too much hype. Call me a hater, but I regret it because my vote was in vain, Beiber won. I mean really.. here we are worried about the Mexican border while the Canadians are taking over. First Shania Twain, then Drake, and now Beiber…..wow. Canadians are like the new Asians, they can dance and out sing us. Fascinating. But much love and congrats goes out to Usher’s protegé. Parents, dont go naming your kids Justin just because it made Beiber & Timberlake cross over ready. Stick to Paul and John, and Ringo…it worked for the Beatles.

        Lady Gaga turned into Beyonce for the night swiping every award category she was in… amazing. But the highlight of my night was when she both hugged and gave a shout out to Lori Ann Gibson for her amazing work. Goo Goo Gaga aside, Lori works her ass off and she deserved every bit of that shout out. I think more choreographers should get shout outs at video awards. I think there should be a choreographer category. Yep, you heard it here first. Best Choreographed Video should be announced. We do the dances, and majority of the times that is what keeps the song relevant. So Props to Lori Ann and all of the other amazing and wonderful choreographers!!! I am also on standby for “PETA ATTACKS LADY GAGA WITH A1 SAUCE” headlines.

        Back to Hoenaj, fairly quickly, what was that boring ensemble she had on? Did she just not give a fudge about the MTV Awards? Even I expect more than that from the woman. Ok…on to the next one.

         Cher took me back to her Mermaid days. I felt so old for even remembering where I was when she wore the original outfit, and felt even worse about my low self esteem that a woman 30 years my senior could wear the same outfit she use to wear when I was 6…the universe is soooo not fair. Forget SLim Fast, I need the Cher diet. And since my mind is twisted….she had to get waxed to get into that costume… does her cha cha turn into dust with each wax? I don’t see how she is preserved so well. I think her and Dick Clark drank from the same friggin well. Just saying… it’s a Conspiracy… C-O-N-spiracy!

        I forgot what rock band went up there towards the end…ok Linkin Park, but they made me miss Creed. Why cant bands stay together….the good bands at least? Sigh… memories. But that was a great performance and I loved it. Yes, the black girl jams out to Rock & Roll…not all, but the songs that speak to my heart. I think you are an amazing musician if you can penetrate the heart and soul of a predominately saturated genre that is opposite from your own. And Yes… they did a great job.

        Bruno Mars looked like a latin Fonz from happy Days, or a lost Menudo brother…which ever will make you laugh first.

        Rhi Rhi’s outfit looked as if she and Chris had a reunion in the limo before she hit the stage, pardon the pun. I was conflicted with her conflicted look. And that song still confuses me; Eminem sounds remorseful for knocking the spit of of his woman while Rhi sounds like she’s saying.. : “Oh No baby, keep hitting me. I love it when you lie, it hurts so good!”. Yeeeeeeeh……ummmm.. okay. I say stay away from that if you like Freedom , fellas. Also, it was funny when Rhi Rhi tried to be cute during Drake’s performance. The camera zoomed in on her and Katy Perry as Rhi Rhi flashed rings and “i’m too cute” faces at Katy….and Katy Igged her. She didn’t even look in Rhi Rhi’s way. Rhi Rhi went from “Oh, you Fancy, Huh “to “Oh You got Igged, Huh?” all is on swift swoop.lol. I suggest that celebs coordinate trendy moves with the person sitting next to them as not to look egg faced. lol.  Because, you guessed it, butt munches like myself NOTICED IT!

        Wow… I feel so Perez Hilton-ish after that last remark, but I think it was done with a touch of Love B. Scott class, minus the love muffins.

        And last, but not least….they put Kanye LAST! Nobody puts Baby in the corner!!! But Dear Mr. West… I didn’t get it. I mean I got it , but wondered why. I think you should have exercised “all that power” and pulled out a show stopper that we’re accustomed to you having. That was pretty much like the anticipation and final delivery of Lauryn Hill at  Rock the Bells in Maryland/DC. We expected so much and we walked away with… umm.. yeh. But you still have my vote dude. You say what most of us are thinking but fail to say…even when it shouldnt be said. But I respect you just the same.

        Well… that is all I can recap in my head. All the show was missing was Willow whipping her hair back and forth, a perfectly timed released nipple on a censor delay, a few bitches, and an unexpected fall. No one even kissed on this episode, where they trying to control Hollywood’s inbreeding this year? So, until next time…. I’ll be just as uncensored.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~