200 Men Said…. Define Cheating

         If it aint tricking if you got it, then it can’t be cheating if it’s not sex, right? Well, it depends on who you ask. Some girls, mainly the insecure ones, get all in their feelings when it comes to their man so much as even looking at another female in her presence. While others, they prefer that their man get their looks on. So, who is right? Is it cheating?

I think that there are different levels of cheating and you have to decide which carries more weight, which is more important to you, and which  is a figment of your imagination. You can’t win them all honey. If it is not working for you, bounce.

There is physical cheating. This is where your man goes out into the world, willingly or intentionally, and he finds him a nice piece of Buffy The Body’s best asset and he waxes it like he was Mr. Miyagi’s honor student. This, to me, is one of the worst, but it isn’t the worst. Why, you ask? Because….guys are different. To some of them, physical is just, well, physical. If you weren’t tooting it up in the air and Kat Stacks was… no matter how much he loves you, he’s going to tap that if the opportunity presents itself. Now, by no means am I saying that this is the right thing to do. And as a female, I am hoping he would exercise a little more self-control and communication within the relationship……but…. I understand it. Depending on WHO he slept with ( family member vs some random Betty) i think he should get another chance. Chalk that one up to growing pains, forgive it ( NEVER FORGET IT) and move on. Most girls can’t do that, all girls shouldnt have to, but there are some things in your closet that you wouldn’t want him holding over your head for eternity either. Like, you really told that man you were a virgin? *Side eye*

So-Shall Experience:Disabling Your Ability

       Every day I go to the restroom I notice that in order to enter the restroom you have to pull the door open and in order to leave it you must push. Simple, right? Then why the need for a blog? Well, it has been slowly bothering me. Those same days that I go there are women who are 100% capable of reaching out for the door handle and pushing it who opt out to use the “Disability” automatic door opener button.  Why?

        I say why for several reasons when opening the door. The most obvious is that you are NOT disabled. Secondly, you already have germs from around the office, from the time you snuck and picked your but, the time you quickly picked yuor nose and ate it, etc already on your hand…..so would reaching for the door handle kill you? No, it wouldnt. Because in all actuallity you may wish to wash your hands before walking into a stall so that you do not place foreign germs in crevices of privacy. But judging from the nasty bitches who already dont wash their hands upon completion…. as mentioned in my Oh, So You Nasty Huh? blog….this is a far fetched option. But why has it become the norm for able persons to use the disabled buttons? I hate it when they do this at the mall just because they dont feel like opening the door and then it becomes shorted out or broken all together for the times that actual disabled persons really need it. Isnt this a sign of political incorrectness or the lack of sensitivity? Shouldnt we have some sensitvity training?

        Now, upon exiting the restroom, should you be one of the 5 in th ebuilding who actually wash your hands….the door pushes out…..why use the disability button? When I leave, i use my foot at the base of the door and kick it open, or I do the hip lean into the door. But it has never dawned on me to use a disability button when I am capable and able to find other means to open the door.

        I know that I may not be the only one who is bothered by this, but I just had to speak on it while I thought about it. Have we as a society become so lethargic that we have begun to find even more ways of not to be active? I mean, this is new heights of inactivity. Imagine how many calories could be added up in the year that a person could have lossed if they had actually pulled or pushed the door open every single time the go to the restroom. Again, I know this is far fetched but it is a start. Every little bit adds up , right? And I know that we have a disabled co-worker on our floor and , to me, she should be the ONLY one to use that button unless someone becomes temporarily physically challenged and not just lazy. This is so Wall-E if I ever saw it!

        I know that this is far fetched too, but I think that those buttons should be chip activated and only disabled persons should be able to swipe a disability issued card past the button in order to activate the door. I know a ton of people who would be pissed at the fact that they had to now actually use the appendages that were issued to them for the very purpose of pushing and pulling. Well…. I know this was random….but it is what it is. Now….please use your ability while you have it.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Yes, I’m Fat….Thanks for Noticing

There's no hope for me if THIS is considered too fat!

 

AN UNCENSORED WARNING: If you are about to read this..please leave a comment below so I know what you think so I can know what writing works and what doesnt. It simply irks the $#!+ out of me for me to write all this, people read and not respond. Actually, its rude as hell. Now….enjoy.     

My night ended and my day began with the discussion of being the plus size friend. Something that is a bit of a taboo conversation, and depending on what region of the world you’re in,it also has a different source of relevancy. Well, being plus size in the Nation’s capital is like being the lone colored person at the taping of Birth of a Nation; you may have the privilege of being there, but trust me when I tell you that you are nothing more than a prop or hired help. Even yesterday my friends and I had conversations of whether or not I was this guy’s “type”. I explained to them that seldom am I ever anyone’s type. One goes on to tell me that I have to stop thinking that way because it could read on me. I swiftly told her that I never think poorly of myself and that I am the business every time I step my foot on this green earth, but common sense can tell you when a person just isn’t that into you; you recognize that and you keep it moving. Only desperate people stay around when they’re not wanted. Thankfully, I am not that type of woman because knowing when you are not wanted can save you the blunt force of rejection that gets thrusted in your face or stabbed in your back by either a casual flirt or a love interests who subtly or boldly lets you know that its your weight that makes you unattractive.    

Despite any amount of confidence one may have leaving the house, not even your understanding of placing the whole armor of God on could shield you from the source of hate and disgust that could be issued in your direction upon stepping foot off of your personal property. The amount of separation that the world places on plus size people would never equate to the battle of homosexuals or the holocaust, but it does resemble that of the Civil Rights era. Actually, it could be just a tad bit worse because the bigots dont out right express their hatred for you. Brand name stores like LVLX, RAVE, and Vera Wang are encrypted signs that say No Fats allowed, Fit Persons Only. You should check the seat of the sales person’s size 2 panties as she is about to drop a load on herself when a plus size woman enters one of these stores. She tries to both monitor the items that the plus size person has in their arm and remember the politically correct phrasing for reminding the plus size person that their big ass has no home within the walls of this anti-obese clothing facility. Inside, the plus size person wants to scream, “Trick, can I please shop your jewelry in peace?” or “May I please purchase this size zero for a family member or friend without you preparing a eulogy for the zipper without my having even asked for the location of the dressing rooms?” No matter where we go, we are just assumed to be one way rather than being taken on an individual basis.      

I carry the  struggle of weight just like the next plus size person, but I am my own person. I can get up and run a mile without complaining….but who does that for fun? lol. I can teach dance classes for hours without even noticing that this is in fact considered exercise, or walk the mall for hours carrying bags and never once request to sit down from body aches. I am NOT by any stretch of the imagination the most athletic person you will ever meet, but I am also not the laziest. If you were to follow me on any given day you would imagine how a person could move around so much and be my size, just to come to the conclusion of confusion when I tell you that I am both safe and harmed behind the walls of my fat rolls. Here I know that not many people will look my way when standing beside my rather modelesque or regular/average sized friends, but I am also safe from the people who would still overlook my mind and what I have to offer just because they are attracted to my outer presence. So, I don’t know the next person’s battle, but mine is to never be seen as just another ass for another deceptive guy to place on his conquer list. My fat has become my defense mechanism….but here I sit watching the world that I was once a part of wanting to belong to it once more …..just without the risks.      

So, to all the plus size girls out there….I know what it feels like to fall in love with a guy and to be hidden and confined to after dark visits, never introduced to friends or family and treated differently than when you first met. I know what it feels like for people to swiftly push-off your concerns about how the world treats you by telling you that “if its your weight that you feel is the problem, then why not just lose the weight.” I know what it feels like to walk into a club with other plus size friends and hear a guy yell “Damn, there must be a buffet in the back with all of these big bitches coming up in here” or the guy sporting a shirt with the silhouette of a grotesque replica of a plus size girl surrounded by burgers and fries and other carb induced items adorned with the Ghostbusters “No” sign that reads “I don’t do Big Bitches”. Or to be walking with your friends, dressed in your best from head to toe, feeling confident in your decision as you have not fallen into the BGID [Big Girls in Denial] syndrome,you’re properly & proportionately covered and looking dazzling…just to have a guy walk up to you and say “If that’s your best, I don’t want to see your worse” . He then gives his cronies dap and other male bonding gestures that now makes him a man for trying to defeat an innocent woman just because she wasnt aesthetically pleasing to him. Also,I know what it feels like to be out dancing with your friends as a guy walks over to dance with one of the thinner divas, takes her purse and shoes that she was holding in her hand and hands them to you after saying “Here, you can hold this since no one is going to dance with you anyway.” Or to go to a Howard University homecoming and have a guy videotape and joke on another plus size friend that you came with as you jump in the line of the camera’s shot to block and protect your innocent friend from becoming the target of an internet joke fest…just to have her turn on you and say that you don’t understand because you’re smaller than her and not really plus size. What about reading a tweet that says “….. if you let yourself go, dont expect me to hold on.”? And I also know what it feels like to playfully flirt with a friend and watch him turn to every OTHER friend you’re with while your back is turned and attempt to flirt with them, or to sit in the backseat of a car and have that same guy think that you are either stupid enough or blind enough for the dark of night to mask his holding hands with a friend that you just introduced him to as she sits quietly in the front seat with his hand rested on her knee/thigh. I know what it feels like to sit back after all of this has happened and wonder if being thinner would make you visible again or wonder what could be so wrong with you that people don’t properly take your emotions into consideration.      

What I have found after all of this soul-searching is that….. it is not me. Also, it is not my friends’ fault for being who they are. Yet, after all of that you try to compartmentalize the pain that comes with being you…with being a citizen in the land of More of You To Love…just to conclude that there is nothing you can do. I love myself just the way I am and it is wrong of me to let other’s actions in the presence of who I am make me feel as if I am inadequate, or that I am any less of the beautifully God crafted woman who I was intended to be. I deserve respect, I deserve love, and although all of that evades me now…..one day it will come when it is supposed to and I don’t think that me being a smaller size should have anything to do with that match made in heaven occurring for me. In the meantime, I just have to laugh at the many people who overlook the joy that is within me, the intelligence that i house, and the romantic gestures that I wish to one day share with my husband….in a way my size is allowing shallow people to pass me by and in the present mind frame I’m okay with that. My message to the bigots is that I will not try to change you, if you promise not to try to change me. So, with that…I will continue to analyze why these negative comments and actions issued in my direction as if I am not human, not attractive, not capable of understanding that I am being dissed…hurt as much as they do. Why do these comments keep me from socializing on a personal level, reaching outside of my comfort zone and grabbing life by the balls and saying , “Fuck You! Now pass me the plate”.  I guess it’s too much to try to process all at once, to dissect and understand so I compartmentalize, and when asked why I am so upset I respond with….I’m just too fat for words.      

One day, the world will come to learn that being plus sized is genetics, a taught/learned behavior, a medical disease [a disorder or thyroid], and a process that one jokes on only makes the matter worse. This just happens to be a personal battle that we wear on our sleeves, stomachs, and thighs so many feel they can attack it, ignore it, disrespect it, and judge it. I’d love to see the day when alcoholics, liars, sex addicts, adulteress, and thieves [etc.] could wear their habits on their sleeves, able to be viewed by the rest of the world. Until then, I am a brave soul to know that I hold my head up ever day I walk into the world, fat and all, as the world can see my habits and continue to not make an excuse for who I am. I tell the rest of the world that if you are so above me….why do you hide your habits? Why do you throw up behind closed doors, hold hands in the dark, drink while others aren’t looking or sex with someone you just met in hopes that they will say I love you back and mean it? Yes, I’m  fat….thanks for noticing. Now…what else can you see?      

~Sincerely,      

My Mother’s Daughter