Bitter bitches around the world could be heard slamming keypads to a point of no return as they Googled, Rhapsody searched, and iTunes bought Marsha Ambrosius’ ” I Hope She Cheats on You” from her album Late Nights and Early Mornings. Beyoncé’s “Put a Ring On It” deemed archaic…. I mean who wants that motherfucker now? NOT I!!! No, this song became the 2010 anthem as women purchased court side seats for their men as they pointed out just how nice Dwayne Wade’s ass looks in the middle of a lay-up. Comments of “I wonder if LeBron can take it to the hole for real” taunt him during half time. Yes, bitches!!! THIS IS WHY WE WATCH BASKETBALL!!!! Sports Center will never be the same. *Duh-nuh-nuh, Duh-nuh-nuh! lmao!
I can see it now, Half-Time show brought to you by Bitter Bitches of America and sponsored by Midol. Performance by Marsha Ambrosius. All you hear are the snaps to the intro and out come these hooded figures snapping into formation, reminiscent of the Egyptian dancers in MJ’s Remember the Time. No one’s face is seen but Marsha as the formation is made behind her as she stands center court under a sole spotlight. All you can hear through the arena is:
Verse 1: Ew whew ew whew oh oh I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa. Hope that she Kim Kardashian’ed her way up. Don’t know the difference ‘tween a touchdown and a layup. Got you on Viagra in order for you to stay up.
Pre-chorus: I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her. I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture. Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby? [Cues for mysterious dancers to drop their hoods]
Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh?
CROWD GOES WILD!!!! Hoods are flipped back and Shaunie O’Neal can be seen leading Royce’s choreography! Yes, that’s right people…the entire cast of Basketball Jump-offs, I mean Wives, are center court, booty popping to their new ceremonial anthem! Being careful not to slip on their own tears, glass of water, wine or beverage of choice that has been thrown Evelyn-syle as a symbolic statement of I HATE YOU BITCH, TRY ME. They are in perfect harmony as the chorus breaks out amongst the arena speakers.
Chorus: Well look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. Ew now that I’m without cha.
Aw shit! Just when you couldn’t get enough of Gloria’s “That’s What’s Up” wrist twists and Jennifer’s forehead…not to be outdone, on runs the cast of The Game to show these bitches how it is really done! Go Tasha! It’s ya Birthday! Call Pookie! Go Pow, Pow! Go Janay, It’s Ya baby’s Daddy! Work It Med School! Work it! Work it! Get Low Kelly, like your bank funds! lmao Yes, Jazz choreographed this portion of the great display of bitter bitches! DO THE TSUNAMI!!!!
Verse 2: I hope she cheat on you wit an NFL baller. She ignores you every single time you call her. Brand new Louis, gotta have it spend your money on her. When you wanna hit it she actin’ like she don’t wanna.
Pre-chorus: I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her. I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture. Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby? Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh? (Baby)
Then they all join together as if Disney knew that this would be a musical. The cast from Glee! just itching in their seats to get up and join in a higher octave; judgment spewing from their eyes as if to say “Sit down , bitches, and let the professionals do it.” But it has already continued without them. This is Annette Funicello meets Lena Horne in Baldwin Hills directed by Tyler Perry. It is classic SNL Tom foolery in the key of broken-hearted! ENTERTAINMENT PEOPLE!!!! And a 5, 6, 7, 8,…..
Chorus: Well look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now. Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. Ew now that I’m without cha.
And true to Chorus Line form, they each take turns accenting a line from the hook as banners of who did them wrong are dropped from the arena ceiling along with Kim Kardashian’s pic just because the bitch made the song hot. And no one argues about her placement in the song because its true. And she could care less as long as the check clears! With a 1 and a 2 and…..
Hook: She cute and all, but that won’t last forever. What I had for you was so much better. Yeah the grass ain’t greener on the other side of town. Now look at how it all turned out now. I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter. But I’m doing better, ’cause we ain’t together. You sorry excuse for somebody I was into. Remember what it was when I was wit’ you?
Chorus: Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. Look at how it all turned out now. Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together. Look at how it all turned out now. I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. (so sad cheated on you wit’ a basketball playa) Look at how it all turned out now. Now that I’m without cha baby.
And for the closing finale, their children run out on the court doing the stanky leg while their divorce lawyers throw business cards into the crowd via the t-shirt shooter. They all start to do the dramatic , yet sexy slow walk with finger snaps off the court as Marsha ad libs. And just as they hit the exit, you can see Juanita Jordan giving high fives to the women as they head back to the dressing room where security can protect them from their exes……lmao. NeNe Leaks can be seen trying to get an interview from the sidelines.
Ad-libs: Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) heeeeyyyy yeah (x2) Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) saaaannnnggg yeah Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) Sing (I hope she cheat on you) I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa yeah. Hope you feelin’ lonely now we’re not together baby. Said I hope she cheat on you baby.
Yes….. this is how I envision it. This is how my head works. Dont judge me… you’re just mad because you didn’t think of it first! But serioiusly…. I am so glad that Marsha is back…and boy did she come back with a bang! You better believe that I am going to come back and review Far Away! This diva has us all wishing evil on our exes and his new girl…lol. But done so with a powerful voice that demands you pay attention and listen. Job well done, diva… I have NOTHING bad to say about this song.
A man’s arch nemesis has been and will ALWAYS be a woman’s intuition. I think it was apart of the deal when he snatched Adam’s rib. His rib contained 10% of Adam’s DNA which was a divine tracking device and lie detector. It lets the woman know when something isn’t right even when she can’t quite put a finger on it. I can’t describe it, but it is the oddest feeling in the entire world. She could just be sitting there when all of a sudden something tells her to call her man…..while on the other side of town he is getting his freak on with her best friend. Yes, it is like a face off between Batman and the Riddler. It is just this feeling…..
And as I thought about this topic… one of my favorite songs came to mind. Keri Hilson’s “Intuition”. Yes, this song just screams “I am woman, hear me roar. I know you did wrong, negro don’t play me. Now pack your shit and bounce.” hahahaha I don’t know if that was her intention when she wrote it, but that became my subtext when I heard it. I think it is all even, right? I mean… I know for a fact that EVERY woman pleading Intuition isn’t on the right path, but for the other 99.999999% of us who listen to our intuition for the right reasons, we are hardly ever wrong. A wise woman once told me that our intuition is God snitching on the universe. What an image, right…. but it works. So I go with my gut feelings majority of the time and I am right.
Now this song has a taste of both Indian and Asian instrumentation to it, and I think that would be a great place to start with my interpretation of the video.
I think that the video should start with Keri asleep in bed. As her man grabs the keys off the dresser and you see the door closing behind him.
“Intuition”
Whoa [3x]
Hey hey…
Keri pops up in bed and begins to look around. She leans over and looks out the window as she sees him backing out of the driveway.
[Chorus] I got this crazy feeling I’m gone be single again I know it, I can feel it I know you gone mess up
Keri gets out of bed and walks to throw on an Asian designer trench coat with a fidora, glances in the mirror by the front door, grabs her keys and hops in her car.
Wow, you really turn me on So I, I really hope I’m wrong [whoa] It would break my world If you ain’t true to me, yea But I’m not the silly girl I used to be And I Know how it goes yea
She comes to a light and sees his car outside of a massage parlor. Shot switches to her walking through the parlor looking for her guy. She catches him getting a massage in one of the rooms and she rubs her hands down his back. He pops up to look around but Keri is gone and in her car back home
[Pre-Chorus] Dude’s out here think they slick Got a lot of girls on they (dadadadada) And they can’t say no Steady telling me they ain’t you I’ma wait to see what you gone do Hope you know you got a good thing, yea
[Chorus] I got this crazy feeling I’m gone be single again I know it, I can feel it I know you gone mess up
I got this crazy feeling I’m gone be single again I know it, Its gone happen I know you gone mess up
Fast forward technique to push the story ahead a few hours. Scene stops at Keri fighting with a guy while she is wearing a kimono. The fight is brief and he walks out of the house. With Keri walking along the window of the house. Shot cuts to Keri walking along the glass window of an Asian restaurant with her “guy” sitting at a dinner table obviously waiting for someone for dinner. She is on her Inspector Black Chick trying to get a better view of him. The entire restaurant is filled with guys sitting at tables by themselves with an all female staff.
I, I love the way we fight so So, I hope this is all in my mind (hope it’s in my mind) Baby don’t you know It would break my world, if you ain’t true to me yea But I’m not the silly girl I used to be See I know how it goes
The servers in the restaurant and random staff members throughout the dining area join in for choreography. Some women are private detectives with cameras and notepads. The servers are performing choreography around the guy’s table that they are servicing, every guy but Keri’s. The servers collect glasses, and utensils CSI style and places them in an evidence bag, placed back on the serving tray and exit the dining area.
[Pre-Chorus] Dude’s out here think they slick Got a lot of girls on they (dadadadada) But they don’t say no Steady telling me they ain’t you I’ma wait to see what u gone do Hope you know you got a good thing cause I,
[Chorus] I got this crazy feeling I’m gone be single again I know it, I can feel it I know you gone mess up
I got this crazy feeling I’m gone be single again I know it, Its gone happen I know you gone mess up
Then you see everything go pitch black, when a spotlight pops up over one guy like an interrogation lamp. Keri walks up to the two-way window and her silhouette is seen dancing directly in front of her guy. Snippets of individual female detectives come into the light surrounding him.
Your gonna get too comfortable (you gone mess up) Gonna want something new babe (you gone mess up) Your gonna be just like the rest (you gone mess up) It’s gonna be you babe before me
They release him and he is free to leave. Keri is seen in a designer trench coat walking behind him out of the police station. He gets to his car and pulls off before her. She runs to her car and speeds off.
I trust my heart, broke down my guard I worked so hard to take good care of you
I trust my heart, broke down my guard I worked so hard, I hope it ain’t true
Keri begins to say this next part into her rear view mirror. She pulls up next to him, glances over, and then runs through a red light and he stops. She makes it home before him.
Look at me You wanna miss all this? Go ‘head Bring that back Whoa [3x]
As he reaches for the front door, Keri opens it in her Kimono and takes his hand to lead him upstairs.
It’s in my mind Whoa [3x] Hope its in my mind
There is a pan in shot of a photo in her bag of him sitting at the table in the restaurant by himself and then a figure of a woman fades into view in the chair across from him. She has on a fidora to cover her face and the video ends.
Yeh…I know. Wild and all over the place. But this has that Carmen San Diego feel about it. A woman detective going on a hunch. That inner voice telling her that something isn’t right. And though she may not have the proof… it’s there. So, that was my take on it…. did you like it?
Check back tomorrow when I ask my 200 Men about the 2 things they wish that women would stop doing. How does that tie into intuition? Well, we already know as women what we want guys to stop or start doing…so why not hear from them. Maybe these are the things that make them misbehave which in turn peaks our intuition. [Will insert Link here]
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I searched high and low for a song that I thought would speak of a woman’s worth that was not sung by Maxwell or Alicia Keys. I also wanted to mix that with a song that sang of an appreciation for an independent woman who was not put to a rap beat or came within ten feet of Destiny’s Child or Ne-Yo. So one day, listening to my Rhapsody playlist I came across one of my favorite singers, Lyfe Jennings, and his song Hero. Eureka! This is what the juggling of one’s balls must feel like… because I got a great feeling in my happy place when I heard this song. I thought…. this is as subliminal of a message as you can get when it comes to being an independent woman.
Tomorrow you will get to read my blog about what 200 Men Said…. An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here to Read]….but today I wanted to celebrate her. I wanted to celebrate the independent woman free of a bitter bitch anthem and really vibe out to her without even saying the words “independent woman”…well, outside of this intro. Because a REAL independent woman does, a wannabe shouts about it. You will NEVER hear a REAL independent woman claim the title, but everyone else will call her one. It is in the core of who she is and everyone around her can feel her independent power and never feel negated by that power. And I wanted to celebrate her with a Lyrically Speaking song that many may not have heard;I think that Lyfe did a wonderful job in capturing that.
I see the opening of the video very reminiscent of a Superman meets Clark Kent moment. She should start in her Clark Kent stage with her hair down, cute little house dress via Victoria Secrets. Nothing kinky looking but short and regular but still seductive in nature. Think, her wearing his button-up or his college football jersey, etc. The shot should be Lyfe sitting at the kitchen table finishing off dinner as he starts singing and then gets up to put his plate in the sink walking directly up behind his “Hero”. And he should grab her and maaaaaaybe give her a pelvic thrust on the last line.
Verse 1
Superman can’t cook chicken like this, (this)* And Wonder Woman can’t french kiss, (kiss) Aladdin only gave me one wish (wish), That’s yo body
She playfully pushes him away and starts to back up because she knows where this is heading. Lyfe follows and presses her up against the wall just as he says the last line.
Spiderman don’t forgive me when I’m wrong, (wrong) Batman don’t look good in that thong, (thong) Catwoman don’t keep me rock this long (long) That’s yo body
Then I think that he should stay still as she leaves from under him. He then turns and leans on the wall where she once was as there is a speed reel like in Adam Sandler’s movie CLICK where he presses fast forward and everything but him speeds up. His “Hero” is shown getting the kids ready for extracurricular activities like football and karate practice, leaving to take them and returning. Leaving to get groceries, and returning with bags. She drops one in fast mode and “Regular Speed” Lyfe catches the bag and sets it on the counter. She’s even seen cleaning the house and putting the kids to bed before it comes back to regular speed as she is closing the door to the kids’ room; throughout this Lyfe is walking regular speed.
[Chorus:] It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty It’s the hero song everybody sing along. You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away. You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray, The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.
She is seen walking seductively down the hallway headed towards Lyfe who is sitting at a keyboard. She places a bowl of soup on the table next to him right before she straddles across his lap and they are looking into his each other’s eyes before they kiss. Lyfe picks her up and walks over to the bed and gently lays her down as the shot pans beyond him to the window to watch the sky change from night to day.
Verse 2
Wolverine can’t cheer me up when I’m sad, (sad) Captain America can’t slow dance, (dance) Hulk can’t make a boy feel like a man (man) That’s Yo body
Aguaman can’t work a job with two kids, (kids) Iceman can’t cook soup when I’m sick, (sick) Wonder Twins don’t know how to work this stick (stick, stick) That’s yo body
[CHORUS]
It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty It’s the hero song everybody sing along. You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away. You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray, The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.
As the view pans back out Lyfe is laying in bed by himself asleep as she walks into view fully dressed for work but now she is in Superman mode; hair in a bun, power suit, and heels with brief case. She shakes him and walks out of the room. Now every shot her “Superman” outfit changes. She gets to the hallway to call for the kids and she looks like a Doctor, walks into the kitchen to hand them their lunches and she now looks like a police offer. Walking to the front door she looks like a waitress. By then Lyfe has made it there and given her a kiss and as the shot goes to her pulling back from the kiss in front of the open door.The next shot is her outside as she closes the front door to head to the car as a pregnant stay-at-home mom.
Up and away (up and away) off to work she leaves, back at four thirttttttty, we’ll make love till we fall asleep, when we wake up, she’ll put on that cape again, me and my hero, me and angel, me and my girl and my best friend.
Lyfe goes into the kitchen and pours himself a bowl of cereal and walks into the family room and sits on the couch during this next few bars.
You are my hero (hero) you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name, the greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away, you are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray. the greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away. (yeah)
Just as he sits, his “Hero” is seen walking into the house with the 3 kids running past her, no longer pregnant. She stops in the doorway and she undoes the bun in her hair as Lyfe calls her into the family room where Captain America & Friends is on TV. She is now back in the same mode that she was in at the start of the video; loose hair, glasses, and comfortable cute house dress with footy socks. She sits down & cuddles next to him and he hands her the bowl of cereal and wraps his arms around her as the song goes off.
Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing along Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing … Shorty this the hero song everybody sing along, Shorty this the hero song, thank you for singing along
Yeh…. if I had a say so in the video…. that is EXACTLY how I would direct it. I think it tells a tale of how the every day woman can, in fact, be a hero. These are the unsung independent women that don’t seek praise nor boast about their independent power, but they are independent women just the same. I don’t know Lyfe’s intentions when he wrote the song, but I am in LOVE with it. It is my own personal anthem because this is the kind of woman who I am and would like to continue to be. So, I salute Lyfe for this song and I salute the true independent women who don’t apologize for being the women that they are because they don’t have to. And that is said without attitude or pride. Dont get that confused with the need to shout your independence from the mountain tops running all the good men away. Or feeling that you need to shout it to get a strong man to want to be with you. Trust me, wannabes…..if you shut the fuck up… he will come. lmao! And that is all I have to say about that.
These are gonna be the longest 3 years. But we’ll be here waiting for your return Lyfe. God bless!
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I’ll never forget where I was when I first heard this song. I was on the phone with my high school sweetheart after about a year of me not speaking to him. He was back at his old tricks of trying to get me to fall for him all over again. He told me to check out this song, and I had never even heard of the artist, much less the song….but I said that I would. And I did. Loved it. Thought that I should burst out into singing “Killing Me Softly” because Urban Mystic was telling my whole life with his words.
This song has that high school feel. That, “talking on the phone all night or at least holding the phone as you fall asleep” type feel. This song just oozes the rekindling of an old flame. This is NOT the song you need to play while you are engaged to your future wife ( just saying) lmao!. But it does have that “tug on the heartstrings of hopeless romantics who cant wait to be with their first loves just once more” type feel.
The intro is enough to make you call everyone in your black book and make individual appointments. lol
Intro:urban(woman) yo baby (what?s up) what we had was so special (yea I know) what you doin now (left my man back at the 9 to 5 just trying to make things work) Yeah, I never thought I?d see you again (and I never thought I?d see you again) yeah, (what a coincidence) well that?s how things happen (yea I know, I wanna have you just one more time) But you know what (what’s that) You know what?s odd (what is it)
Her tone is just begging for him to come and get it. It’s almost as if she planned for them to meet again. Like she searched for him and put herself in a place to be strategically found by him. I’m not mad at her. I would do the same damn thing…lol I mean, how simple is the intro? But this is about as kinky as Teddy Pendergrass talking over a track. It says “Get those panties off… TAKE ‘EM OFF!” lmao.
Verse 1: What are the odds of me bumping into you again (one in a million) What are the odds of me seeing my first lover friend (two in a million) It’s been two years since we both graduated, I still can feel how we both celebrated I can’t get over your voice on my phone, we’ve been apart for so long.
This takes me back to that time when you locked eyes with the person that you love after being apart for so long. Or even the thought of them that sends chills down your spine and ends at your happy place. I mean really… they had to have been something special that without even touching you or being in the same room with you they can make you smile and head towards a cold shower. What are the odds of every person doing that to you? Zero in a million.
Chorus: So I refuse to wait, my patience is out the door baby I refuse to hear you say, u don’t want me no more baby I refuse to blame, you for anything – me for any thing lets not take finding each other in vain, its not a coincidence baby
Obviously, all is forgiven or they are just that horny. lol. I mean he is not even wanting to hold a grudge. I mean she has GOT to have kryptonite in her panties to get a man to go out on a limb like this. I’m still having a hard time trying to figure out if this is love or lust, but in the moment of passion I don’t think that it really matters, now does it? lol
Verse 2: Remember we use to sneak off when your mama dosed off Hit the back seat of my Chevy fog up the windows Made love to sweet lady our favorite song kept it moving slow and steady to the tempo Then we would lay there and hold on to each other like there wasn’t a tomorrow I can’t get over your voice on the phone, we’ve been apart for so long
LMAO!!! See parents….THIS is why you should equip your child with house arrest ankle bracelets! lol. Teach your girls that leather burn is a hoe’s tattoo…lol. This verse in and of itself just keeps me cracking up! It is so romantic, and so serious, yet hilariously funny because someone , somewhere has done some…if not all..of this at one point in time in their life. And there he is remembering it all years later. See…if you got that Good Good ladies they will always remember. Better yet, he will admit to cuddling!!!!!!! Chorus repeats and then…..
Verse 3
You know, damn well, you’re suppose to be in my life Riding by my side (Oh yeah yeah) You know, damn well, you’re suppose to be coming home to me every night
Baby if you’re not that far away Maybe we can spend the day Catch up on all the loving we lost Let me kiss you in your favorite place
So….. if he doesn’t get what he wants he damn near gets beligerent..lol. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL, WOMAN! All he wants to do is kiss you in your favorite place. Just KINKY!!! KINKY , I TELL YA! lol. Yep.. been there. Had the kind of passion where you knew better than to be left alone in the same place with that other person because baby making would surely follow no matter the consequences…. *shakes head at the thought* Sorry, had a flash back…lmao!
Well, every time I listen to this song I think of what I went through that made this song so relevant to me. I thank the person who decided to bring it to my attention and I will always hold a special place for this song in my heart. Tales like this really do happen in real life….and I am a witness to it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always turn out to be a love connection….but the memories are a nice reminder of what love can look like. It gives you hope of what is in the future. And if nothing else, it is just nice to know that you are wanted. I refuse to lose hope for love. I simply refuse to.
P.S. I also refuse not to die laughing at the fact that the model who Tyra Banks yelled at is in this video. lmao.
P.P.S. I refuse to fight the urge to call him K-C from Jodeci. lmao!
I think every woman over the age of 25 remembers where they were the moment that they first heard this song. It was probably with a group of your closest girlfriends, in your house hugging a tub of Ben & Jerry’s bawling over his dumbass, kneeling down in a parking lot slicing tires, or face to face with the ‘ova bitch! Either way….everyone can relate to this song; Erykah Badu’s Tyrone.
I must admit that as an impressionable 17 year-old when it was first released, this song is the sole reason why I have never, and will never, be in a cohabitation situation with my significant other before marriage. I mean, what if my man turns out to be Tyrone’s homeboy and his name is on the lease? Too much drama for a teen to comprehend, right? I mean, Erykah has this way of telling a story that makes you visualize the story, so I visualized every verse and made up in my mind, in advance, how the hell I would ever handle a situation should I ever have to.
SO, listening to the live version, she calmly asks the sisters if they are alright, followed by the brothers….without any warning of the first verse. The women IMMEDIATELY begin to cheer, but there was not a brotherly tone in the mix agreeing to shit. I think they took it personally. lol
First verse:
Alright
I’m gettin tired of your shit You don’t never buy me nothin’ See every time you come around You got to bring Jim, James, Paul and Tyrone
See why can’t we be by ourselves sometimes See I’ve been having this on my mind for a long time I just want it to be you and me like it used to be, baby But you don’t know how to act, so matter fact
WOW! Bold, right off the front, “I’m getting tired of your shit”. Cant you just picture her sitting on the edge of her couch in the dark, Angela Basset after torching all his shit, Waiting to Exhale Style,and just blurting that out as soon as he walks into the front door? lol. How empowering! I mean, when I broke-up with my high school sweetheart 3 years later….that’s EXACTLY how it went down. He walked past me a few times and I just blurted it out. I wish I had used “I’m Getting tired of your shit” , it sounds more direct and poignant…lol.
And what was up with his friends’ names? Was he a rejected, ghetto disciple? Missing member of the Black Beatles cover band? And here she was just wanting to spend time with her man, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it was all about his boys. I say, if you like your boys so much…have sex with them and leave me alone. lol.
Chorus
I think you better call Tyrone (Call him) And tell him come on, help you get your shit (Come on, come on, come on) You need to call Tyrone (Call him) And tell him I said come on
Now the chorus comes in right as she flicks on the corner light switch that casts a shadow on her profile. And in chimes her bitter ass friends that you didn’t even see sitting at the kitchen table to the left, high-fiving & playing Pinochle, “Call Him!” . Just in case you didn’t hear what she meant she articulates the “T” perfectly clear on the end of shit. I think this is the most clarified execution of the English language in an urban song in the years prior to Cee-lo Green’s Fuck You. It is a mantra that is tugging at the strings of every man’s pride, and the back-up singers are like kryptonite. Almost like a fly that keeps buzzing in your ear, and you didn’t even request their input…but here they go, “Come on, Come on, Come on!” Almost like a ” Nigga, I wish you would” threat from the days of old when Big Mama heard you whisper under your breath.
Second Verse:
Now every time I ask you for a little cash You say nawl but turn right around and ask me for some ass Oh well hold up listen partna I ain’t no cheap thrill ‘Cuz Miss Badu’s always comin for real, you know the deal nigga
Every time we go somewhere I gotta reach down in my purse To pay your way and your homeboy’s way And sometimes your cousin’s way
They don’t never have to pay Don’t have no cars, hang around in bars Try to hang around with stars Like Badu I’m gonna tell you the truth Show improve or get the boot
This verse was the one that made me NEVER ask any of my dudes for cash. I doubt I will ever ask my husband for money. I come with my own. I’ll never have to place my needs in a battle over a booty bargaining chip. Not gonna happen here! And even though the first and second stanza clashes with who really brings in the finances of the house, I WISH A NEGRO WOULD make me pay for his way and that of his boys. That would be the deal breaker right there. I’m not saying that I will never pay for my man…occasionally ( unless the circumstances are out of the ordinary) but I’ll never pay for his boys and my MAN wouldn’t let me. Just saying. I will also turn my other cheek to the double negative in the “I aint no”, “Dont have no cars” & “They don’t never” lines. The line, “”You dont never buy me nothing” was a triple negative and I am unable to comprehend that. This song is too amazing for me to attack her grammatical structure, too hard. But it will have to be a -6 points against R&B.
And after another round of the chorus, the crowd ( women only) are chanting the lyrics and loving every moment of it. And then she hits the end of the song with the BEST ending to a song that has yet to be outdone. As her friends get up from the table to block the dude from stepping further into the house, Erykah leans back calmly on the couch and clicks off the lamp and pimpously says
But you can’t use my phone
HOW PIMP IS THAT!!!!! A Pimp Named Slickback & Powder need to learn a thing or two from Pimp Bad-du….cause that was vicious! I give this a stamp of approval for having constant play in my MP3 & CD player!
Ummmmm…. there was really no fan fare and out right debauchery that I have become accustomed to seeing when I turned on the awards. It didn’t really feel like an award show because Beyonce didn’t win a single “lady’s” award. And Lady Gaga was too PMS emotional for me to stomach all in one swallow. But it was what it was and that is why we are here.
First, WHAT THE FUDGE WERE THEY THINKING WHEN CHOSING CHELSEA HANDLER AS THE HOST? I’ve seen her show, I don’t think they’ve seen her show, have you seen her show…okay, then you know. So, outside of the borderline KKK comedy that came from her mouth, everything was relatively PG-13. I think I could have counted the amount of censored bleeps they used on her with one hand. LAME. That makes for no fun. I could have done better. The jokes were predictable, I wish her drunk ass would have stood in one place because her walking back and forth for no damn reason was giving me a headache. I think she only had 2 costume changes which makes her not that important. Hell, Kathy Griffin would have gotten more changes than that and she is on the D List. But I digress….
I’m suing MTV for negligent advertising through the obsessed use of Cover Girl’s Taylor Swift rants. I swear… I was prepared to go Tonya Harding on that tazz if I heard Taylor Swift’s name one more ‘gin. For all of the Taylor Swift fans, that is ebonics for once more. We get it, Kanye’s speaking the truth last year at the wrong damn time was the big black elephant in the room…that should have squashed both Chelsea and Taylor. But the both of them continuously acknowledging it just gave Kanye more power. He was able to weasel his way into the host’s material as well as Taylor’s. The best way to deal with Kanye, like us black people do at times, is to ignore him. He made you relevant this year. He made them call you back to perform this year to have your spotlight. He is the reason Cover Girl blasted your name in ads every 15 minutes and never once did that for Rhianna or Beyonce who have waaaaaaaaay more nominations and awards than you. So, secretly, say thank you and get on with it. Yes, he was wrong. But it made you go down in history. We’ll always remember the innocent girl who had her moment stolen by Kanye and restored by both Beyonce and MTV 2 years in a row. your music is lovely and I will never take that away from you……but if I hear your name again, I swear I will Kanye everything you do….try me!
Will I Am [Nuts] straight up confused me with that ensemble. I was concerned. I wasnt sure if he needed psychiatric attention or was acting out because people no longer thought he was black. I am still at a lost for words.
Drake!!! Love it, Love it!, Love it!…..but why did he look like a high yellow Fred Astaire gliding across the stage as the missing Rat Pack member? A Rapper in a suit is classic….but I had a disconnect with the stage performance. I finally figured out what Swizz was saying… it is Concealer…like how you conceal an affair from your wife.. but I digress again. Mary J Blige in a hat took me back to classic MJB. Something about a hat makes her soul come out. Made me want to cut a hole in the top of a baseball cap and jam out to the performance. But she stole the show.
In failing news, I voted for Nicki Hoenaj as the New Artist of the Year award just because Beiber was getting too much hype. Call me a hater, but I regret it because my vote was in vain, Beiber won. I mean really.. here we are worried about the Mexican border while the Canadians are taking over. First Shania Twain, then Drake, and now Beiber…..wow. Canadians are like the new Asians, they can dance and out sing us. Fascinating. But much love and congrats goes out to Usher’s protegé. Parents, dont go naming your kids Justin just because it made Beiber & Timberlake cross over ready. Stick to Paul and John, and Ringo…it worked for the Beatles.
Lady Gaga turned into Beyonce for the night swiping every award category she was in… amazing. But the highlight of my night was when she both hugged and gave a shout out to Lori Ann Gibson for her amazing work. Goo Goo Gaga aside, Lori works her ass off and she deserved every bit of that shout out. I think more choreographers should get shout outs at video awards. I think there should be a choreographer category. Yep, you heard it here first. Best Choreographed Video should be announced. We do the dances, and majority of the times that is what keeps the song relevant. So Props to Lori Ann and all of the other amazing and wonderful choreographers!!! I am also on standby for “PETA ATTACKS LADY GAGA WITH A1 SAUCE” headlines.
Back to Hoenaj, fairly quickly, what was that boring ensemble she had on? Did she just not give a fudge about the MTV Awards? Even I expect more than that from the woman. Ok…on to the next one.
Cher took me back to her Mermaid days. I felt so old for even remembering where I was when she wore the original outfit, and felt even worse about my low self esteem that a woman 30 years my senior could wear the same outfit she use to wear when I was 6…the universe is soooo not fair. Forget SLim Fast, I need the Cher diet. And since my mind is twisted….she had to get waxed to get into that costume… does her cha cha turn into dust with each wax? I don’t see how she is preserved so well. I think her and Dick Clark drank from the same friggin well. Just saying… it’s a Conspiracy… C-O-N-spiracy!
I forgot what rock band went up there towards the end…ok Linkin Park, but they made me miss Creed. Why cant bands stay together….the good bands at least? Sigh… memories. But that was a great performance and I loved it. Yes, the black girl jams out to Rock & Roll…not all, but the songs that speak to my heart. I think you are an amazing musician if you can penetrate the heart and soul of a predominately saturated genre that is opposite from your own. And Yes… they did a great job.
Bruno Mars looked like a latin Fonz from happy Days, or a lost Menudo brother…which ever will make you laugh first.
Rhi Rhi’s outfit looked as if she and Chris had a reunion in the limo before she hit the stage, pardon the pun. I was conflicted with her conflicted look. And that song still confuses me; Eminem sounds remorseful for knocking the spit of of his woman while Rhi sounds like she’s saying.. : “Oh No baby, keep hitting me. I love it when you lie, it hurts so good!”. Yeeeeeeeh……ummmm.. okay. I say stay away from that if you like Freedom , fellas. Also, it was funny when Rhi Rhi tried to be cute during Drake’s performance. The camera zoomed in on her and Katy Perry as Rhi Rhi flashed rings and “i’m too cute” faces at Katy….and Katy Igged her. She didn’t even look in Rhi Rhi’s way. Rhi Rhi went from “Oh, you Fancy, Huh “to “Oh You got Igged, Huh?” all is on swift swoop.lol. I suggest that celebs coordinate trendy moves with the person sitting next to them as not to look egg faced. lol. Because, you guessed it, butt munches like myself NOTICED IT!
Wow… I feel so Perez Hilton-ish after that last remark, but I think it was done with a touch of Love B. Scott class, minus the love muffins.
And last, but not least….they put Kanye LAST! Nobody puts Baby in the corner!!! But Dear Mr. West… I didn’t get it. I mean I got it , but wondered why. I think you should have exercised “all that power” and pulled out a show stopper that we’re accustomed to you having. That was pretty much like the anticipation and final delivery of Lauryn Hill at Rock the Bells in Maryland/DC. We expected so much and we walked away with… umm.. yeh. But you still have my vote dude. You say what most of us are thinking but fail to say…even when it shouldnt be said. But I respect you just the same.
Well… that is all I can recap in my head. All the show was missing was Willow whipping her hair back and forth, a perfectly timed released nipple on a censor delay, a few bitches, and an unexpected fall. No one even kissed on this episode, where they trying to control Hollywood’s inbreeding this year? So, until next time…. I’ll be just as uncensored.
A man’s arch nemesis has been and will ALWAYS be a woman’s intuition. I think it was apart of the deal when he snatched Adam’s rib. His rib contained 10% of Adam’s DNA which was a divine tracking device and lie detector. It lets the woman know when something isn’t right even when she can’t quite put a finger on it. I can’t describe it, but it is the oddest feeling in the entire world. She could just be sitting there when all of a sudden something tells her to call her man…..while on the other side of town he is getting his freak on with her best friend. Yes, it is like a face off between Batman and the Riddler. It is just this feeling…..
I searched high and low for a song that I thought would speak of a 
I’ll never forget where I was when I first heard this song. I was on the phone with my high school sweetheart after about a year of me not speaking to him. He was back at his old tricks of trying to get me to fall for him all over again. He told me to check out this song, and I had never even heard of the artist, much less the song….but I said that I would. And I did. Loved it. Thought that I should burst out into singing “Killing Me Softly” because Urban Mystic was telling my whole life with his words.
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 