200 Men Said….Real Men Cry!

        After thinking about writing a blog about Eric Benet’s song Sometimes I Cry, I thought to ask my 200 men the very question that the song brings forth. I mean, after all…. it is so taboo for a man to cry in public. That CANNOT be healthy. I really want to find the very first father who turned to his son and told him to stop crying and punch him in the throat. Well, now that I think about it…. I think a spirit literally just came and smacked ME in the face. Was this something deemed a living legend from slavery? Was this an ancestral chain that has yet to be broken?

        I am writing this on February 16th, 2011, and I have no clue when I will post it, but in the midst of Black History Month one has to ask if men not crying stems from slavery. Now I have seen my father cry several times and I think that was so healthy. I have also spoken with one of my brothers about how he cried after an incident. Yet, to see a person that I am in a relationship cry is harder to do than running up and hugging the Queen of England! It’s as if the very gender that needs to release from all of the burdens and stress that they are expected to carry are the very ones who have become socially banned from doing so. But was this rooted in a slave father telling a son not to cry before an overseer, or an elder telling Kunta not to cry while being whipped as not to show a sign of weakness or fear? Did this get passed through the blood to the civil rights age where blacks didn’t cry in front of Bull O’Connor and his water hoses? Or instilled in the students who sat at the lunch counters as the were saturated with hate? And did it carry into the blood of the many men who were castrated and became strange fruit that decorated the roadsides of many southern towns? If so, what purpose does it have today?

So I asked my 200 Men:

Some people think that a man crying is a sign of weakness. Are you afraid to cry in front of people? If so, why or why not?

And they came back with these responses:

• ”DUKE” BANNER:  When my heart aches, or I’m very sad, it really doesnt matter where I am; I’m not ashamed. 
• Lateef25:  I’m not going to judge people for crying, but I’ve never had a reason , since I was young, to cry. 
•  Kycajrome L: I say it depends on what the man is crying about…lol But if a man is emotionally in touch with his feelings then that’s pretty healthy emotionally. Then the problem or question is , are the other’s around him mature enough to handle it [his crying].
•  Mark D: No, I don’t think there is anything wrong with crying in front of people . We are all human beings, and not heartless animals!
• CHRIST- O:  It’s not a problem for me, because I know who I am. And no one’s opinion of one aspect of my life will make me change my whole lifestyle.
• DA FLY GUY: CRYING IS A SIGN OF MATURITY!
•  Jesse (TEAM MARK CASH 4 EVER ): I’m not afraid to cry in front of people. It’s not a sign of weakness but a sign of being human.
• DSMILEY1:  I’m not afraid because I have done it before. Real men cry to show emotion!
• on the rocks…:If a man cries in front of others, usually there’s a very valid reason. I can’t see any reason for a man to be all overly emotional over most things..like movies and women and graduations and such [2Deep: Did this nut just say women…. lmao!!! Y’all see why I love their honesty so much..lol]
• Allen Ozark: No, but unfortunately I was born without tear ducts. [2Deep:  I can’t tell if he is telling the truth or if that is even medically possible….lol]
• Kevin R: I’m not [afraid], because I know how strong of a man I am.
• Carlos V: No, I think it’s fine for a man to cry.
• rroyallty:  I think if he is running around crying everyday, all the time..its a problem. But if there is a significant reason and you’re around a select few..let it out or you will snap
•  godschild 1111870: My ex made me cry too much; not happening any more.
•  Code Name Bigsexy:  No, I would cry if I could not help it. lol. And I get mad when I cry. So I get mean; n one better think or say anything [to me].  ©☛Anthony☚©: LOL. It’s not bad to cry.
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: No and yes. I’ll cry, but not for long, and then I’ll play it off. Because men aren’t suppose to show that much emotion. And it’s because emotion distorts rational thinking.         
• Jerome P: Although I dont do it often, I’m man enough to cry. It’s very important to release feelings.Thats why jails are over crowded now.
• Rated R Superstar: Well, a man crying doesnt make you a weak man, that’s a strong man. We’re all human, and we all feel the same pain…
•  DON CUE: No, I’ve lost too many loved ones to care what other people think!
•  LAW.. DA ROC BOYZ:  It all depends on what he’s crying about. Personally, I don’t like to cry, but hey, im human so it happens.
•  Danny P: I’m not afraid to, but yeah it is embarrassing. Because our society still trains men to think it’s not ok. Sure, we talk like it’s ok, like it’s what we all want, but it’s not really. That’s my experience anyway.
•  BIG SEKZI: Nope, because I’m very confident and secure with myself
•  Sensual Nupe: No, I’m not. It really depends on the situation. It takes a strong man to show his emotions. If I just lost a family member or a close friend, I will cry and I don’t care whose around.
•  www. twitter. com/kingdomgate_ ent: Tears of Joy are the only tears you will see me cry. I don’t do emotional tears anymore.
• Prestige “The One And Only”: Definitely not afraid but I don’t do it. It’s not a sign of weakness. People just see it that way as if that individual is weak at that moment. For me, I feel stronger when I cry, if I’m crying in front of people it most likely means “Stand the hell by”.
•  6’5 & NICE WIT IT: Put it like this, one day you will ’cause tears cant stay inside forever
• James M: A man crying is not a sign of weakness, but if he’s at the movies crying then that’s a different story. I have cried in front of people and it didn’t make me weak.

• Aries Brotha: I’m not afraid to cry in front of people, but I’m only comfortable showing that side of myself with close friends and family. Lame as it sounds, my mom taught me to be free with my emotions, and my dad told me Real Men don’t ever cry. I found my own way.
• !!!!! A !!!!!!James L: Heck ,I’m crying now! lol! I think a man who’s in tune with his feelings is a true man and real to life. There are some happy times and sad times that makes us cry and only robots and the dead don’t cry..

 

And as usual I must have a FAVORITE comment, and all though I have several …. I choose:

• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Worrying about what people think is a sign of weakness… Your feelings are your only true form of strength at times. How you fight through hurt, how love can make you feel invincible and how something may move you to tears and still be a man. …..THAT IS STRONG!

And my most revealing comments, and one of the reasons I wanted to write this blog ,came from:

• James F:  Yes, I think it’s weakness. A man should always dominate his emotion and not be a prisoner of them. I’m not afraid to cry, but I’m just not going to cry in front of people. Like, if someone dies or someone I cared about died, I won’t show that emotion openly. If I cry it’s gonna be by myself. The reason for that, my father always told me “stop crying. You’re a big boy” when I was younger. Plus, the environment that I grew up in…. you couldnt cry. That was so-called being “Soft” or “a punk”. You would be a target. You couldn’t be a sheep around wolves or they would eat you alive.

       I have witnessed a guy lose his mother, a football player break his leg, and a DC teen being shot and still ALL of them refused to cry in the presence of others. IN NO WAY IS THIS HEALTHY!!! I think that these are perfectly excusable moments where a man could cry in front of others and people would understand and keep it moving. Yet even in movies like Menace to Society they joke on the men who cry when they are being shot should they survive. Or in Cadillac Records where Muddy Waters runs up the stairs and can be hard crying audibly but wouldn’t cry in front of his wife.  This is where I am glad that I am not a man. Because sometimes this world gets too much to bear and you should be allowed to release everything that you hold inside. Now I’m not saying that a man should cry when he stumps his foot, because NO ONE should cry that easily, but it is okay to cry sometimes in public. But as James F pointed out, his environment wouldn’t allow him to cry; it became a method of survival. But I think it was a method by default because those who would have picked on him needed an outlet and since they couldn’t cry, they would have picked on those who felt they needed to and actually did. So in actuality they would have picked on those brave enough to express their true emotions. But as shown, in most cases kids were too afraid to or told by parents not to because they were “big boys”.

        I think we should stop putting a gender on crying and rather start putting a situation on crying. For example, if a child is upset about dropping their ice cream cone, we shouldnt say “Stop crying. Boys don’t cry over dropping an ice cream cone” but rather we should say “It’s just an ice cream cone. So stop crying.” This way people will begin to express their feelings better. Because much like how there are gateway drugs, tears are the gateway emotion.  You cry when you are happy, sad, mad, confused, upset, and LMAO-ing.  SO if you tell a boy/man that he can’t cry you are taking away the gateway to about 90 percent of his emotional expressions. So express to your sons when it is healthy to cry and when it is okay to cry. Also, that it is okay to cry in front of people. We’re all human…we’ve all cried at some point in our lives. So its okay for you to cry too. And if anyone has a problem with it…. tell them to come see me. *Cocks Arizona issued riffle* Yeh, let’s see how fast we can get them to cry…lmao.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Is the Male a Temple?

As I have mentioned before, I have 2 nephews, 4 brothers, and 7 godbrothers…so the plight of man has become a big deal to me. I have no clue why I care so much, but I do. It often times baffles me how we can place so much concern into our women and not instill the same values in our men that would allow them to appreciate those in his girl when he sees them. There is a HUGE disconnect here.

As a girl I was taught to respect my body, make people earn me, and how every guy is not worthy enough to even step next to me. But I don’t think that my male siblings were taught the same things. I know for a fact a ton of my guy friends were not taught the same things. Or maybe they were, but it was for different reasons. Maybe they were taught by their mothers to not be with every girl but only for the purpose of not getting her pregnant or to get a girl of quality pregnant if it should occur. I know this could be an exaggeration, but who knows what is taught in opposition of my feminine training via the Man Code handbook. I just don’t think that our men are getting the same core messages as our girls as we grow up.

We are quick to point a finger and call a guy a dog before we help. Women are excelling in school and in the work place faster than guys and THIS in turn messes with the head of household dynamic. Has anyone else seen the connection? Has anyone reached out? We see guys flashing their private parts in their profile pics, vying to get as many girls as possible to sleep with them in a month, and abusive self behaviors. This saddens me when I see it. I reach out and ask the guy what makes him do this, why does he think this behavior is appropriate and many times I don’t get an answer.  SO I decided to ask my 200 men directly to see what they think.

200 men were asked:

Do you, as a man, feel that you were taught to value your body, treat it as a temple, or to make people earn you? If not, do you think those things are important to you? Or are they meant only for women?

As usual, I wish I had the patience to copy past 200 responses, but I don’t… so here is what some of them said:

1. big slim: I LUV ME..AND MY BODY MEANS EVERYTHING 2 ME
2. Bear0007: It is meant for every one love, God gave us these bodies to be his temple and treat it as such.
3.  Black Kryptonite aka the KID: I think as a black young male, we are taught that are bodies will get us far in life whether with sports or women. It is important to maintain a healthy body for a long life.
4. Sybree B: I feel that a man and a woman should treat their body as their temple because it shows how they actually feel about themselves.And it shouldn’t matter as long as you have self-confidence..
5. Code Name Bigsexy: only for women.as a man you were never taught to do any thing [so] your body tells you [to] go get it if you like it.i think
6. Ddouble R: (1) yes in many ways like tatts and Piercing they’re all good but why mess with perfection? it tells people you like how you look, so handle me with care. (2) no that’s dealing with everyone….. goes both ways….
7. *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: Well i was raised by a Single mom and Sisters, the values that were instilled in me was that i should treat my body with the utmost respect and shouldn’t be desecrated. So i have very high value for my body.
8. Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Although these things were taught to me they are not taught to the majority of males… Society teaches that boys will be boys. They are important to me but it all depends on your background
9. James M: I wasn’t taught to value my body in a traditional way like at home. I only learned those things when I started playing sports at high school and college levels. Learning to eat right and stay in shape is something everyone can benefit from.
10. Eric R: yes, i was taught to treat my body like a temple.
11. James L: I had to learn to value my temple. I was taught by my mom to be a good person. When I started reading the bible it taught me to honor God with my body. It’s very important to live a balanced life. Men should stand strong just like women should.
12. Chris C: Never really thought about it…some good food for thought!…I’ll get back to you on this one!
13. Aries Brother: For the first part of this question..No I wasn’t. It is something I learned myself as time came and went. I do feel it is important to be conscientious of what we put in our body. But we don’t always want what is good to, and [good] for us in this life.
14. Dezi: I was raised to always value my body and when you do my body(temple) will display itself so society will see it. And yes I believe men should be earned and not compromised. Also the Male body was always for the WOMAN to enjoy.
15. Jeff C: I think I was taught that but I have learned .

 

The one thing that sticks out to me is that just about EVERY guy thought that treating his body like a temple meant to feed it right and to work out. Not one thought about the sexual aspects and the access that they give people to their bodies. There is a disconnect here. Why are our young men not receiving the message that they too are worth the wait? Why are they not making these chicken head girls work for them? Why is the easy was desired over the road less traveled? Dont they know that the road less traveled is a gold mine full of prime self-respect real estate just waiting for people to come scoop it up? Not one really mentioned that they stick to such strict guidelines as the girls do. We’ve got to change this!!!!! We’ve got to produce better boys that will become better gentlemen and then on to be better Men period!!!! I think I just found another one of my life’s calling by starting this series. I’m here to help my fellow man! I’m okay with that, because the better they are, the better the world will be!!!!

~Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~