As a woman who is open about more things than people either think I am or would expect me to be, I have come across the double standard of being a woman and publicly talking about sex. When I stand on stage and present my comedy, people always laugh and often times a guy will step to me inappropriately afterwards based on what I mentioned. It made me wonder….do guys automatically think that the way I discuss sex in public would be the way that I behave in private? If so, then I may never talk about sex in public again.
I am a very private person when it comes to my own sexual experiences, but I LOVE to talk about sex and its effects in a public setting. Conversation about the topic keeps me on my toes and it makes me analyze the views of others. I can see how my morals and philosophies measure up to someone with an entirely different background than myself. It is a source of freedom to talk about something that I keep private. It’s like a boys’ high school locker room, I too can talk about shit I’ve never done. I watch TV, I listen to the radio, and I have heard other people’s conversations….I would have to be dumb, deaf, and blind to not know the different aspects of sex, but that doesn’t mean that I have done those things just because I talk about them. The responses I get because I talk about them almost feel like a punishment for being so free, and then it doesn’t feel like freedom any more.
I know that ALL males are not like the asses that come up to me, but there are more that are than those who are not and the squeaky wheel gets the oil, right? So, I went online to a sight that I visit and I asked 200 guys the following question:
“If a woman openly discusses sex in public, do you automatically assumes she is sexually open in the privacy of her bedroom? If so, Why? “
The responses were varied, yet it gave me an insight as to what a different array of males would think about the topic. Of course I cannot put all 200 responses on here but I picked the ones that I felt my ladies could get the most from. Here is how they responded:
Coleman: There is a particular idea that a woman who speaks about sex, politics or religion in public is not a lady. Very archaic at best! I believe that a woman who speaks about sex in public intellectually and candidly is a woman who is open-minded.
James F: no..most of the time women that talk about it don’t be about it…the really sexually open women discuss that privately with their partner and they just do their thing behind closed doors..she’s not gonna put her business on front street
cdub7804: yes, because it would be foolish to clam up in private
Ddouble R: no, i think that just means she’s open-minded.
Aries Brotha: Not really. It has been my experience that some women just enjoy being open about sex, and sexuality. Sometimes it’s all about exchanging view. On the other hand it could be a test to see how mature the man is and what he is willing to open up about.
Dezi: No because conversation is conversation. Why Assume when you can just ask.
KP: No not at all. Just because you have a sexual discussion with someone doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them. Same rule applies in my opinion.
Chuck K: Good question. I can say yes I would assume she’s sexually open in the privacy of her bedroom because talking about sex openly in public is saying to me she’s a confident woman and she knows what she wants. On the other hand she could be talking just to be talking
Code Name Bigsexy: i would assume she is sexual and the fact that she would talk about it in public would make me think that she is an open book kinda woman
Distinguished: No not at all. Sometimes a woman throws the topic out there to see who bites.
DJ Urban Cowboy: Not always… usually the ones that are the most open in the public are the hardest to get behind closed doors
big slim: Yes because she is discussing it in public but its cool because I’m a very understanding person
Black Kryptonite aka the KID: i wouldn’t assume that. sex is a common topic discussed among men and women. It would not only depend upon the nature of the discussion but how she addresses the topic as well. Who am I to judge?
Delonte M: If she’s alright to talk about pussy, ass, penetration,etc. in public amongst strangers to hear. Why the hell wouldn’t she do everything she’s saying (and more) in her privacy?
Anthony F: No I don’t. conversation is a lot different from actions.
Black Griff: she better be
And my FAVORITE answer to the question came from:
Cut From A Different Cloth: It depends on conversation, If you reveal a lot then, yeah, people are going to think you’re sexually open. The key is to tell enough without telling all. Some women don’t know how to keep the mystery.
So, judging by Cut From A Different Cloth’s answer, it is okay for women to talk about sex openly, but it is the amount of information that is divulged during said conversation. I would think that it would be safe to make generalized comments about oral sex, and positions, etc…but personalized statements should be kept to a minimum unless you want guys following you home to see your kinky swing hanging in your kitchen. All in all, men are visual. We say something and they see it…the sex hormones get to raging and it is all down hill from there. So we have to take part , as women, in the responsibility of what information gets out there and not blaming it all on the men who sometimes respond inappropriately. Like CFADC said…..keep the mystery. That is a lesson that even I will take to the bank.
For ages our mothers have taught us to always be a lady in the street, while magazines tell us to be freaks in the sheets….just to have a book tell us that the male ego can’t stomach the idea of his woman having had practice sexually before meeting him, thus making you undateable. I say….MAN THE HELL UP! But those words wont get you into a meaningful relationship. So, I say….think like a hoe, but act like a lady.
Popular belief would mix and match that very theory…. and I am highly aware that I did not just reinvent the atom here, but work with a sister will you. The reason women don’t really get along with one another is because of two very simple reasons:
1. She was once naive and some more experienced girl came along and blew her dreams out of the water and now she is weary of every female; Good Girl Gone Bad Syndrome
2. She was the loose girl in the group who would do what the others wouldnt but always couldn’t get the guy or the relationships that the others could; Hoe Gone Remorseful Syndrome.
The reason why I don’t leave a female, even a friend, around my good man is because…”if the woman thought anything like I had to in order to get him…” , I’d have to kill her. Women are ruthless. They say that men are hunters by nature. Cute. We sent you all out into the woods while we hunted out which route we would take to capture you. We are architects of manipulation, sorry…but we are. Why do you think it takes us so long to get dressed? Even our outfits are battle gear preparing us to go out on the battlefield and attack the enemy in order for us to win the war. Make-up;war paint. Heels; couture army boots. Girdles, push-up bras, and spanks; camoflauge! lmao!!!!! Women, since the beginning of time, have been the baited traps that the guys fall for, and yet somewhere they thought that they were catching us when we were catching them….if I ruined anyone’s idea of this set up….my bad, your fault (stole that from my brother…lol. Thanks, Dre)
Yes, Biblically speaking you are supposed to wait to be found…..but it is where you place yourself and how you behave that will get you found. CHURCH IS NOT THE PLACE TO BE FOUND!!!! Girl, people are supposed to be finding Jesus and not your cooking skills at the annual bake sale for choir robes. Clubs are not the place to be found. Between the Ciroc and dim lights, you have to wonder if his judgment is just in picking you. You can still follow the old adage of being found, but having control in how you are found. Notice I said how… not when… don’t hit me up complaining that you havent been found yet. That’s a personal problem.
Athletic and Celebrity groupies have the right idea, but wrong execution. They hang out after all events, creep up to the hotel rooms, and try to get pregnant just to stake claim to the fortune of a celebrity. Some are successful but even then many never make it past the baby mama and jump off stage. Then you have the ladies who dress appropriately but shut out every single guy who doesn’t fit her criteria…..wrong idea, semi right execution. I say wrong idea is because you are supposed to experiment, find out what it is that you really like, plus experience REALISTICALLY what the world is willing to give back to you. The semi-right execution is in being honest with what you will and wont take and moving on to the next one if it doesn’t work out. So what would happen if we mixed the two? Maybe then we would get the girl who would place herself in intellectual settings, dressed appropriate, not allowing herself to be objectified while still maintaining her game face. Thinking like a hoe , but acting like a lady.
I could be wrong, I doubt it…and again I know that I am not saying anything new. But honestly…. this technique needs to be used. Have that “larger than life” appeal about you that the groupies have, but then execute your approach like a deaconess and watch the guys become baffled over the fact that they cant figure out how to get you. They say they don’t like game… BULL….because as soon as you admit how you really feel they think that the chase is over and they retreat like soldiers on the outside of the Trojan horse. I think that I can appropriately call this the Lysistrata Movement. Or as Medea would say it, “Clink, Clink”. lol.
As women, we have the urge to be sensual and sexual, men are not the only ones, but we must learn how to control that urge and remain ladies in trying to reach that ultimate relationship with a guy. Protecting his frail ego and our reputation go hand in hand…and once you forget one you lose the other as well. It is a balancing act that we must always keep in our heads. It must whisper to you like your bladder right before you get on a roller coaster.
But then again….I’m single….so I may not know what I am talking about… but all of my friends’ boyfriends love the way that I calm down their women and get the ladies to see things from his perspective. So, there is that to think about too…..it is always the single woman who gets the man…hint hint. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt to listen to one in order to keep him. Just a thought. *Wink*
So a sexual “pro”, some male celebrities and HOPEFULLY some condoms walk into a hotel room…… LMAO! What follows after that will depend on if you are a smart “pro” or an ignant “pro”. And yes, I said ignant…the kind of person who has yet to earn the missing vowel/consonant. Daily there are business women sleeping their way to the top, street walkers patrolling 18th & K Streets NW better than the Metropolitan Police , and the average ignant female who receives nothing for what she is giving. Who should get more respect?
Disclaimer: I don’t condone ANY of the activities mentioned above, but of course we know that sex sales in this world. Everyone wasnt raised in the church, everyone doesn’t use common sense, and not everyone has the appropriate level of self-pride ( whether too little or bona-fide hubris). This also isn’t as judgmental of a piece as it may appear….but it will state my side very strongly. lol. You may continue….
Saying that one type of pro is smarter than another would have to be broken down via common sense versus book sense. Common sense would tell you to not engage in the acts that objectify yourself, but many don’t see it as such. Book sense would, AT THE VERY LEAST, tell you to make sure that you are getting paid for inviting others, and sometimes, the world into your physical temple. I can respect a girl who is doing something that I may not agree with if she were in fact doing it for a legit cause and were at least sustaining her life by it. I know the church is gonna scream now… but I could understand a woman feeling at her wits ends and stripping on a pole to put food on her table for her kids or to make it through law school on the right side of justice. I say if the church doesn’t like it, get like a Jehovah’s Witness and beat the streets to get God’s message out to the people. A girl can’t make it to the pole if she’s ducking behind the couch in her living room because a Jehovah’s Witness is peeking through her living room’s bay window intercepting her escape route. What I DONT get is the pro that does this mess for -ish and giggles and/or a Gucci purse. Come on!!! You mean to tell me that you think you are only worth a knock off or $1,000?!!!!! Or free pictures for a portfolio that is being seen only by local dudes claiming to be professionals. Or studio time? It both pains and kills me to see girls plastered half-naked to fully naked on the internet knowing damn well they didn’t get paid for it, their kid’s have unmet medical needs, and they are still living at home with their mother. If you are going to do it…. by all means woman… get paid for it.
Disclaimer #2: I would prefer you not do it at all, but for the sake of this blog….continue….
Super Head was the talk of the town before main stream even knew who she was. She had dirt, had secrets, but she hoarded them all until she found the right medium to profit from her indiscretions. She was a Smart Pro. She knew that people were using her for their own personal gains so why not use herself to rise above it, create a source of income that would allow her to be in charge of her own life. Much like the models who have portfolios filled with naked pictures considered to be high fashion, she didn’t reveal what she had to everyone…her body ….maybe, but definitely not without getting paid. She didn’t reveal her most prized assets to anyone who asked her to do so, she smiled for the camera, she danced to the fronts of scenes…but she made a name for herself in her own right.
Melissa Ford is another smart chick… I don’t use pro, because I don’t know what she did behind closed doors…but people took her to be such. But this woman is BRILLIANT! Have you ever spoken to her on twitter? I promise you that your mouth will fall open. She used one avenue to get into the spotlight and then got out because she didn’t need to stay there. She too may have shown some goods every now and again, but I guarantee you that her self-worth made someone’s pockets hurt. I can respect her. Idolize her? NEVER…. but I do respect her hustle.
Then you flip the rock over… and you find the gutter bugs; the leeches; the Patricks to the Spongebobs of the world; The Below- Average Heads….sorry I couldn’t keep that one in….lmbo! You have the Montana Fishburnes & Kat Stacks of the Dumb Chicks R Us sorority that make you do the Scoobie Doo; ” Rue ,Rue Shaggy?” People who see the end results but never processed the struggle that these women above had to go through. These nuts glorify the world, think it is the rite of passage into whatever fantasy they have, but they failed to plan appropriately. Kat Stacks makes me itch. If I were her, THANK THE LORD THIS IS JUST A SCENARIO…lol…but if I were, I would have saved all of the footage, all of the information and gotten paid to release it. But no, the low-budget minded female reveals it shortly after it occurs. This is what I find disturbing. This is pure business law right here, you supply as long as there is a demand and you never bite the hand that feeds you until you are full and can feed yourself after the bite.
All jokes aside, I am not a saint by any stretch of the imagination, but I just want to take every female who feels she has to show her body off in such negative lights and wrap her in my arms and tell her that she’s beautiful. People don’t say it to one another enough….but I want to run up to little girls in the street and hug them ( hell I just might start) and tell them I love them and they are beautiful..just random teens and let them hear it at least once from someone. I want them to see beyond the present moment; it’s not art, it can keep you from getting jobs, it can keep you from friendships, it can hinder you from meaningful relationships, and it could put you in danger from the sickos of the world. I would prefer that I never saw another woman posting barely-there pics at all on the net… but if you’re going to do it… at least get paid for it UP FRONT. Dont post it in hopes of being discovered….because people will discover that you are just another female who didn’t have the wherewithal to demand your worth up front. And I know that somewhere deep down you have GOT to think better of yourself than what these pics , poses, and actions portray. I’m starting at home, from my baby cousin, who at the age of 17 keeps posting pics of her with poses from behind and her booty poking out. Every Facebook & Twitter pic gets viewed by me….she is worth MORE than that and she is beautiful and intelligent and I told her to stop making people think that SHE thinks her butt is the best she has to offer. I will fight this cause until she stops or I die… which ever comes first. I can be very annoying. She’s young enough to where she doesnt take offense to me saying it, but rather thinks I am stunting her innocent fun. She can think what she wants…..I will continue to bug every pic she posts.
VS. 
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~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 