2011 BET Awards

Okay, so, I had a show to do tonight and so I wished that I could have been home to watch it first hand with everyone else and have this already once it wrapped… but that is not my fate tonight. Shout Out to my Muse Café fam for booking a show on the same night as the Sell Out Awards!!!! Smart…lol. So I am picking up where my DVR began. Let’s Go!

So, I first have to say that I find it hilarious that Karmin managed to be on the BET Awards! I AM A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE fan, but if I did it to the Justin’s and Eminem I have to do it to them… DAMN… it’s the BLACK Entertainment Television Awards. So obviously you don’t have to be black, just do our music…lol. Shout out to Paul Mooney…lol. But I still have the utmost respect for them and EVERYTHING they do I will support it! It is positive and they turn dirty lyrics into clean lyrics and I respect that. Now if Busta really does do something with them I will be the FIRST in line to buy it.

Now, @Mattieologie on Twitter said,”Kanye needed to bombard the stage and say Debra Lee’s dressdoesnt care about black people.” THAT IS THE FUNNIEST TWEET EVER!!! When I saw this horrible ass dress I thought back to the Chitterling Circuit when they had the “Mammy” dresses where the slave children came up from under her tent dress. I swear Step and Fetch It were about to break out into a routine. I really don’t like this woman. Ugh.

Look at the TEETH on Lastarr!!! She looks gorgeous in her glam make-over… but those teeth are HUGE!

Okay… Racks on Racks On Racks….The dancers behind him look like retired strippers. They look so broke down. Lol. But at least I can FINALLY understand what the fuck that he is saying. *Fast Forward* Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! Did Nelly roll up on the stage and create a remix. AND THEN HE HAD THE NERVE TO GIVE A SHOUT OUT TO ALABAMA UNIVERSITY’S BITCH ASS ROLL TIDE?!!!!!!!! WAR DAMN EAGLE, BITCH!!!! Auburn University to the day I die and BEYOND!!! Alabama stand up! I just tweeted mad tweets about it. UGH!!! I don’t like Nelly any more because of that. Smdh.

MARY J!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She almost doesn’t look like MJB! She’s gotten a little thicker so I guess that is why. But she still looks beautiful. Poor Mary, she has never been able to hold an 8 count for longer than 2 bars, but boy can she sing her ass off or WHAT! I love her! I want that metal belt too! WHAT!!!! She brought miss Anita Baker out?!!! I stood up in my own damn house and clapped for Miss Anita!!!! And because I respect some of my elders I will try my hardest not to comment on her dress…just know that I am thinking that it is too short and ill-fitted. That bottom slip is creeping and scaring the mess out of me with these cameras at the bottom of the stage. But her voice is FOREVER ON POINT!!! Jadakiss! Khalid is like the modern day hype man. And Reginae is in the audience next to Drake looking cute in the audience. Okay…. I am not feeling this premier of MJBs… she started screaming. I have a thing about premiering new stuff live.

Awww MC Lyte is narrating it again!

Who are these little kids dancing to Lil Wayne’s 6 Foot 7 Foot?OH SNAP! That was a little girl that did the head spin. B-Girls in the house! All of them combined are 20 years old…lol. But they can dance! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLL Nawl! Kevin Hart did not come out there with that weak ass step like he pledged Midget Phi Heightless! Bwhahahahaahh I am cracking up at this. These kids are out stepping his ass! Hahahahahaah comedy! WOWZERS!!! Reginae and Lil Wayne smiled at the same time and I be damned if this isn’t the first time that I thought she looks JUST LIKE HER DADDY! We always see her with Toya, but nawwwww babay, that is Baby Carter all day!

So Little Kevin Hart is the host for this year….. gonna be funny. Bwhahaha He asked Busta Rhymes if he is wearing a brain, because he vest is suspect. Oh lawd! Kevin introduced the “No Man”. Its much like they “Yes Man” of the group except it is the person who tells you the truth about everything and I have a feeling he is about to go IN on his friends. Kevin says: “Fabolous, take the shades off. I’m sick of it; I don’t want to see it any more.” “Trey Songz, stop taking your shirt off. You look like a beige greyhound.” LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh lawd I can’t take it. That one almost made me pee myself!!! “Ne-Yo, take the hat off. Wait! False alarm. Keep it on. I saw your head. I saw Ne-Yo’s head in Stomp the Yard and first thing I thought was ‘Take me to your leader’” GO IN , KEVIN!!!!! Hahahahahahaha “Snoop, it’s not legal, I don’t care how much you try to make it legal. Everyone knows what I’m talking about, I don’t need to say it.” “Here’s my problem with Jamie [Foxx]. Jamie got in a fight at an Usher Concert. …..First of all, what the hell was your old ass doing at an Usher concert? Second of all, what song does Usher have that pissed you off to the point that you felt you needed to fight? Was it OMG? ‘If I hear OMG one more time I’m going to punch my manager in the got damn face.’ You’ve got to start acting your age.” “Which brings me to Puff. Here’s my problems with you; I’m sick of the nicknames. …No one cares about the nick names. You know what people care about…Where the hell is Craig Mac!”

I love how Taraji called herself a gadget-gadget girl. The Rep. Wiener joke kind of flop but it was cool that they are viewing votes off of the HTC tablets instead of envelopes.

Best MaleR&B
Chris Brown– Winner
Cee Lo Green
Bruno Mars
Trey Songs
Usher

Okay, so WTF Is up with this broke down look that Chris Brown has on with this chin guard? I’m blown. Did he forget it as an award show? Black people we have to do better. And this dress is NOT cute, to me, on LaLa… I have seen her do better. Her side view’s nice but her frontal is giving me odd shapes.

I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE REED BETWEEN THE LINES!!!!!!! Two of my favorite people coming back on television. $500 Kelsey Grammar has something to do with this…lol.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo, I have to fast forward because someone told me that I would be visually molested by Rick Ross’s titties!!! Can I press charges from home? Sooooo WTF is Drake used via a track when he is in the house? That looked stupid. *Fast Forward. * I wish this nigga [Ace Hood] would pull his damn pants up. Seeing his draws is NOT the business… it makes you look stupid. At least Weezy has on the longest Wife Beater I’ve seen in my life and it covers his ass. AH!!!!!! I still caught a glimpse of his titties!!!!!!!!!! I’m suing BET. You’ll bleep cuss words but wont blur this bastard whale tits?!!!! WTF is wrong with you! Audience Shot: I love how Trey Songz’ shirt says “Happiness is Expensive”. The Smith family is comical to watch jam to this song [Hustle Hard]. Puuuuuuure comedy. Even Will was getting down but Willow was jamming the hardest though.

I am in LOVE with Tracee Ellis Ross’ outfit!!!!!! She is soooooo freaking gorgeous!!!! And Malcom Jammal Warner…. Baby!!!!!

Young Stars Award
Shenell Edmonds
KeKe Palmer
Diggy Simmons
Jaden Smith-Winner

Willow Smith-Winner

Before they announce the winner… Ihave to wonder if this is the first time that siblings ( under the age of 14) have ever had to go up against each other in an award show category. And then I have to wonder…..how will Jaden feel when Willow takes this. I could easily eat my words as soon as I press play, but that is my opinion. Wait… they have a tie!! Hahahaha its Jaden AND Willow Smith…hahaha I think they did that on purpose…lol. But congrats to them both. I bet it wouldn’t have been a tie if it was Keke or Shenelle. Just saying. Awww so cute that Jaden and Willow hugged each other before going up there… *Rewind* Jada & Will look like the proudest parents in the entire world!!!! But WTF is Jada wearing? These zebra inspired pants with this gold top? Really, Jada? I love that here you have two kids who are doing it CLEAN!!!! I applaud them both for not selling out to the business to make it! Your daddy made millions…you can make it too. We need clean art! DON’T CHANGE!!!

Kevin said: “Rick [Ross], if you want to come out and open your shirt up, I feel like you should at least put a sports bra on. It was all over the place; you’ve got to take them down, you’ve got to do something.” “Will, I’m gonna talk about Jada’s pants when I come back. I didn’t forget about those pants.” I TOLD YOU!!!

Bwhahahahah Kevin said about Real Housewives and Basketball Wives: “they let women who have never met each other pretend like they’ve been friends for life.” Hahahahahah So true! “So it has inspired me to make a show of my own.” HEEEEEEEELLLL NAWL! The Real Husbands of Hollywood. Starring Bobby Brown [aka Da King], Kevin Hart [aka Little Trick], Jermaine Dupri [aka JD], and Nelly [aka The Juice Man]. Lawd, after this skit I have seen it all! Hahahahahaha. BWAHAHAH! And then Kevin puts on a shirt that says, “I’m a factor, bitch!” hahahahaha Tammi must be having a fucking field day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahah Okay, I HAVE to give the play by play of this skit, otherwise you wont know why I am laughing so damn hard.

Sitting at the table, seemingly playing cards, are Nelly, Bobby Brown, Kevin Hart, JD, and Anthony Anderson.
Nelly: You, Kev. I’m calling you a bitch, Kev.
Kev: That’s funny, because I see a bigger bitch sitting across from me with an Apple Bottom t-shirt on. Let me tell you something, dude. You’re a non-motherfucking factor, homie. You’re a non-motherfucking factor, dude.
Side interview with Kevin: Why would I think that Nelly is NOT on the juice? Looks like a gotdamn pitbull on a leash. I aint never seen nobody’s neck that damn strong, on a human.
Nelly throws a glass of water in Kevin’s face from across the table.
Side interview with Nelly: (Rubs his face to gather thoughts). Uhhh, he looked thirsty.
Kev: (Wiping his eyes) JD!
JD: Why you keep calling my name?!
 Side interview with Bobby: I started this House Husband thing. I was, you know, the first one to land me one of the big fish. You know, it’s a fishing pole, it’s a broom stick. Either way, you can catch something with it.
Anthony: What?!
(Kevin takes off his shirt to wipe the water off his face because it has gotten in his eyes and this reveals the HUGE tattoo on his back that says Mariah. In walks Nick Cannon while the “Mariah” tatt is revealed.)
Side interview with Nick: He knows how I feel about my wife
Kev: (to Nick) Why the fuck you come back from the bathroom looking like Lisa Raye for?  (Nick throws another glass of water in Kevin’s face)
Side interview with Kevin: Look man, I tried to explain to Nick’s little drummer boy ass what the tattoo was about. It don’t have nothing to do with Mariah. She’d not the only Mariah in the world. I could name another Mariah. (pause and faces as he tries to think of another Mariah but fails). Mariah carry is the only one that comes to my mind…. now.
(Close out of the clip with the mock show’s outro)

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Presses rewind all over again*

Keri Hilson and Laz Alonso…. Cute skit.

Best Female Hip Hop Artist

(It doesn’t take a genius to know that Nicki wont this, right?)

Diamond
Cymphonique
Lola Monroe
Nicki Minaj-Winner

I love how Nicki is taking Weezy and Drake on stage. She ACTUALLY looks decent and cut in this stripped pink dress. Nicki said “Wow, I cant believe I won” and the entire audience laughs at the fact that she really didn’t have any competition….lol. Telling statement of the times of female hip hop artists, isn’t it? But she comes back with a “no, no, no, no.” because she knows why they laughed. And as hard as she tried… we were all ready to laugh at anything she said pertaining to the fact of “she didn’t expect to win”. Bwhahahaha. Now THIS is comedy!

JILL SCOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She looks just as beautiful in this red dress as she did a few weeks ago when I had lunch with her while she wore a simple shirt and jeans. This woman is flawlessly gorgeous! So the name of the bar is Warm Daddy’s; it the back drop for Jill’s set. HOLD THE FUCK UP!!!! My play baby’s daddy, Idris “I would drink this man’s bath water” Elba just walked into the set! BET why are you playing with my motherfucking emotions?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her voice is amazing!!! I love the backdrop for this song. Beautiful!!!! If you have not gone to pick up a copy of The Light of the Sun, then honey….you are 5 days late! What are you waiting on! And Idris need not sit with his legs open liked that. I am not saved today, besides….I rewound Takers enough during his boxer brief scene to know what he is working with, THANK YOU, LAWD!

And apparently, Idris Elba won Best Actor Award; would have missed that if I had fast forwarded through this commercial. Plus the trailer for The Help, which was an amazing book so I cant wait for the movie!

Helllll nawl! He did NOT bring out the 5 Heartbeats!!!!!!!! I’m never going to sleep. I’m gonna watch that at 5 o’clock in the morning after I finish blogging this! Hahahahahaha. But who was off beat in the back. It wasn’t Duck because he is up front near Church. Oh shit… it was Michael Wright’s off beat ass! Eddie Cane, Eddie Cane. Wow!!!! “So, how does it feel to be me.?” Lol.

Best Group
Cali Swa District
Dirty Money-Winner

N.E.R.D
New Boyz
Travis Porter

Public Service Announcement: I REFUSE to call them Diddy Dirty Money. Y’all are just Dirty Money to me. But I LOVE how they were all dressed up in all white, Dirty Money that is.

The music ministry of Mali Music….? Did I say that right? All the way from Savannah, Georgia. I love the way that he starts out. Interesting.

Best Movie: For Colored Girls-Winner
Best Video Director of the Year: Chris Robinson-Winner

Okay… ummm. Why does Chris Brown have on Mickey Mouse pants? Did his knee caps swell? We’ve seen his dick so I know that’s NOT it. And the 80s inspired shoulder-pad, armless jacket is creepy. And what’s up with the M.C Hammer pajama pants after the wardrobe change at the start of Look At Me Now? Ummm.. I’m is confused-ed….yes, I’m is. And Umm…BET, you missed ALL of his cuss words. Lol. Yo, but the HUGE eyes on the side as Busta busses it!!!!!!! FIRE!!! Uhhhhh Busta is my other baby daddy, after David Banner, because he just gets finer and finer the older he gets!!! Busta could get it from the grave, I swear he could! Chris Brown’s Isolations are off the chain. And the way he jumped off the stage and ended his performance by scaring the shit out of the people in the front row as his feet hurled towards their faces…..classic!

And damn, even M.C. Lyte gets wardrobe changes? Hahhahaha. She looks fab though so I don’t mind….I just noticed.

I saw Pooch Hall twitpic them backstage with Brandon T Jackson. Just wonderful! Plus, HOSEA CHANCHEZ CAN ALWAYS GET IT!!! ALABAMA STAND UP!!! Y’all see how we make ‘em in the south! Hosea is fine enough to stalk if I didn’t already have goals, fear jail, and had a good paying job. I’d snitch on the people who robbed Jesus’ gave to spend 3 hours with him. I just need Hosea, some magnum condoms (I’ve seen the pics. Anything less wouldn’t work….TRUST ME), butter pecan ice cream, a New York Candle, silk scarves, 2 poodles, and scooter. What? DON’T JUDGE ME!!!

Best Colaboration
B.o.B f/ Hayley Williams of Paramore ( I LOVE Paramore BTW) for Airplanes
Chris Brown, f/Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes for Look At me Now-Winner

Chris Brown f/ Tyga & Kevin McCall for Deuces
Waka Flocka Flame f/ Roscoe Dash & Wale for No Hands
Rihanna f/ Drake for What’s My Name
Kanye West f/ Rihanna for All of the Lights

I think that it would suck for Chris or Rihanna NOT to win this category when you were nominated TWICE! But thankfully Chris did win! Bwahahaha Chris said, “Public speaking is not my strong suit.” HILARIOUS!!! Busta took it home as he quoted the song, “ Gotta taste and I gotta grab it, and I gotta cut all through this traffic just to be at the top of the thrown. Let ‘em know we gotta have it!”

Subway Sportsman and Sportswoman of the Year:
Michael Vick and Serena Williams-Winners

Oh lord…. I HATE unreleased songs….even if it is sung by Alicia Keys. I guess that her pregnancy gave her a thing for being on top of pianos. You remember that shit that scared us all? And ummm… why does her hair look like her and Swizz got it on in a broom closet before she was scheduled to come out to perform. Okay, Mama still have baby belly. Don’t you all have personal trainers for stuff like that? Because a wide flat butt is NOT cute… trust me. I am the President of Assless Anonymous. Wait, I thought Kevin said this was a never heard before song? And Bruno Mars is sounding SOOOOO much better than that other performance he did where he sounded like ass. What?! Don’t hate me, shiiit. Hate his vocal couch for not warming his ass up that time. Would it be wrong of me to fast forward through this? AH!!!!! Rick Ross came out! In fear of seeing his tits again… I MUST fast forward this!

This Nick Minaj Barbies and Justin Bieber’s Bieber-fever fans face-off is hilarious!

Best Male Hip Hop
B.o.B.
Drake
Lil Wayne
Rick Ross
Kanye West- Winner

So Kanye could not be there. Was it me or did Nicki sound disappointed that it wasn’t Weezy?

I’m trying to figure out who Diggy looks like because LAWD if that boy was legal I would tell y’all how fine he is. But he did mention the http://www.BET/com/ctmd site.

WOW! Kerry Washington always looks gorgeous. Deidra Sanders, 2 time All-American athlete from Georgetown University. She began the Grassroot Project which teaches AIDS awareness to young people. Howard Gentry, in 1979, he founded Young Blacks in Action, Inc after being frustrated over the lack of positive afterschool activities for Orlando students. We salute them for their efforts.

Is it me or does Big Sean look like the love child of Ralph Tresvant and Tevin Campbell? And what is up with Chris Brown doing the Diddy Stroll? I swear he threatened me to “take that” at the end of the walkway. I did NOT know that the song said, “hit this ass up like its my last”. Thanks BET censors for fucking up on your job! Lol. Wait… was that Raven’s friend from That’s So Raven dancing in the isle? WTF are Disney kids doing dancing to secular music? Lol

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I talked about Ralph and out comes Johnny Gill. Lol He brought out Kimberly Nichole from Seattle Washington. And I would listen to what she is trying to sin but this orange ass tu-tu is throwing me off.

OH SHIT!!! I am going to wake up the entire neighborhood in my suburban haven by laughing at this second clip of The Real Husbands of Hollywood…. bwhahahahahahahahaha
They are all sitting around the poker table again.
Kevin: You know, all of that throwing water and juice on me… that’s one stop. I took those because I was thirsty, don’t do it again. I could have busted your ass, Nick, but I didn’t.
Side interview with Nick: I’m in a new place right now. Zen mode, but I can defend myself.
Bobby Brown: The King use to take Judo back in September of ’84.
Silence in the room

Kevin:
 Okay, Bobby, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about; I don’t even know why you said it. But I know what, I know who you wont fight… Eminem.
Bobby Brown, JD, Anthony, & Nelly: Whoa!
Nick: (jumps up and takes off his jacket) Fuck it! Aight, I’m tired of this. I will whoop Eminem’s butt, I aint scared of him. Matter of fact, I’ll whoop any white boy who’s name starts with an M; Macaulay Culkin, Matthew McConaughey, Melanie Griffith.
Side interview with Nick: The man’s talking about your wife and you cant really rap. Whatchu ‘sposed to do?
Nick: (yelling) I’ll whoop everybody. Bobby, I’ll whoop your ass!
Bobby: What the King do? Hold Up, Hold up!
Nelly: Now that’s the juice.
Nick: (to Kevin) Say something else, Kev.
Kevin: The only thing I will say is…. is that you need to work on your legs. That’s all I’m saying. He’s a little too big up top.
Nick pours an ENTIRE bucket of water on Kevin. BWHAAHAHAH Kevin does the scream he does from his comedy routine, the way he says his son screams, and then runs off in the MOST HILARIOUS WAY I HAVE EVER SEEN A GROWN MAN RUN IN MY LIFE!!!
Bobby: You know the King knocked out Scott Bell back in ’94. Bloooo Bloooop.

THESE FOOLS ARE OFF THE HOOK!!!

I’m straight up telling my age for even knowing who Cherelle and Alexander O’Neal are….lol.

Best New Artist
J. Cole
Bruno Mars
Miguel
Willow Smith
Wiz Khalifa- Winner

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww did he really just Kiss Amber Rose on her forehead. Ummmm it looked like two dudes kissing. What? You were thinking it too!

Awwwwww Nia Long looks GORGEOUS!!!!! I mean, she always does… but she makes a beautiful mommy-to-be.

I’m confused with Trey Songz’ jacket. And he is stripping from the beginning!!! He wasted no time saying, “Fuck You , Kevin Hart. My beige greyhound body pays my bills!” bahahahaha LIRL. One thing about Trey, when I met him a few years ago, you would never believe how thick he really is. He looks very slender but he has some mass to him…sexy. Until….I see this negro’s draws. Pull ya pants up negro! Look at Queen Latifah singing along. Wait…t he timing of this transition was HILARIOUS!!! If you have this on your DVR…rewind it. Right when Trey says, “Even I need a little motivation” the male dancer for Kelly Rowland’s performance rolls up behind, in the background, and props his legs open right beside Trey’s right side ( your left if you’re looking at the screen, which you are)….hahahahahahah Wrong camera angle, BET….but thanks for the laugh! *rewind*

Okay, I really am a Kelly Ro fan, yes I am. …..but she has always had this delayed rhythm. I almost want to tell her not to dance and just sing. But I am loving this hat, circa Mary J Blige No More Haters. I am loving that she is singing live!!!! BEAUTIFUL! I want her shoes!! Damn…. This break down!!! *licks lips!* Did she rob a male strip club in L.A. for these dancers? Uhmph. Okay, WTF was that nose-bleed section camera shot for?!!!! You mean to tell me that you switched so we couldn’t see Trey pat Kelly’s ass? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!!!? You INVENTED UNCUT?!!!!! Wait… was Trey really on K-Ro like that as they went down into the trap floor?!!!

I stand and SALUTE the men and women of our Armed Forces!!!! As a military kid… I will FOREVER salute you! Thank you!

Here comes Debra Lee with this mammy Dress! I really hate this woman. *Fast Forward*

State Farm Humanitarian Award: Steve Harvey
Best International Act (UK): Tinie TempahWinner
Best International Act ( Africa): 2Face Idibia/ D’Banj (NAIJA STAND UP!!!!)Winner

The tribute to Bishop Walter Hawkins was absolutely wonderful. I almost felt bad for cussing just a few sentences earlier. But then I saw Nicki Minaj pretending to know the lyrics to Thank You and I laughed too hard to feel remorse. I grew up on this song! You better go ahead and sang that son Deitrick!!! If Tye Tribbet comes out… I’m gonna have church in my room. OH SNAP!!! Mary Mary!!! Donnie was enough, but they are trying to save the entire audience…. TINA BETTER BLOW!!!

OhLAWD.org! Here come The Braxtons!! I love how Toni came out first though. And WTF does Tamar have on? Did she and Toni not get the “we’re wearing white dresses” memo?

Best Gospel Artist
Mary Mary-Winner

Miss Gladys Knight!!!!! She still looks beautiful I tell you black doesn’t even contemplate cracking! Oh yeh… she is honoring Patti LaBelle. Patti, Patti look amazing!!!!! I wonder if Patti will come out of those shoes tonight? Lol. Y’all know that she is good for it. Hahahaha I love how they showed her kicking off her shoes after I said it…lol. I told you!!! YOU BETTER SANG IT, PATTI! Wait… lmao!! That is Cee Lo Green….hahahahaha All I saw from a distance was the hat! But his voice speaks perfectly. I’m gonna need for his voice to stop going out like my co-pastor after the spirit hits her during the sermon. But somebody loves you baaaaaaaaaaaaaby! Wait… all I heard was Cee Lo say : Don’t act like you motherfuckers bleeeeeeeeeep” lmao! Marsha Ambroisa…….beautiful. “If you only knew”….. how perfectly this song fist Marsha’s voice. And out come Mother Shirley Ceasar!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y’all her husband use to be the Archbishop over my church until my Bishop tool over… so we are bound to see her show up in the pews from time to time. Mother Shirley Ceasar is sanging the life out of this song….yes, sanging!!! Okay. I can’t cuss any more in this blog after this…..unless Debra Lee shows back up. Mother Ceasar looks like an angel or fairy godmother, doesn’t she? Yep, Patti STILL sounds PHENOMENAL!!!!

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did the girl, Tiffany Green ( some contest winner) just say that the CoCa Cola Viewer’s Choice Award winner was Chris Brown’s Look At Me Now then retract it and say Rihanna’s What’s My Name?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I gasped so hard, along with the audience, in my room I had to go to the bathroom to take some Chloroseptic!!!! Where they do that at?!!! Wasn’t her tablet working? She looked like she was squinting at the teleprompter. I’m so confused!!!! *Rewind* Yep, like Terrance J & Drake said, “This is awkward”. Who messed that up? And then they said that the winner was Drake’s What’s My Name. I did mention that I was confused, right? WOW!!!! Did Tiffany mess up or did the teleprompter mess up? Tiffany looks so confused. WOW!!!

Cali Swag District came with Doug E Fresh to remember M Bone and Nate Dogg. Rest in peace. Snoop and Warren G come for Nate Dogg I LOVE how Queen Latifah got to do Gil Scott Herron’s famous piece. I will ALWAYS cherish the time I spent with him before I opened for him in the summer of 2009. That was one BRILLIANT man. Ledisi does Tina Marie.

Lord…..it is 3:36 am and I have to be AT work in 5 hours….soooooo. I’m going to bed and then I will finish blogging tomorrow. Yeh….. G-night/morn….which ever coast you’re on…lol

Oh snap! Another skit for the Real House Husbands of Hollywood!!!!!

Side interview with Kevin: I found me a nice, healthy, wholesome woman that’s sweet….                                                                        

In walks Tammi Roman from Basketball Wives

Tammi: Where’s Kevin?

Nelly & JD: Oh Shit!

Tammi: Oh shit is right. I said, where is Kevin?

Side interview with Kev: …..Kind hearted

Tammi: JD! Where’s Kevin, witcha lil’ ass?

Side interview with Kev: ……She has the voice of an angel

Tammi: An FYI, he is taller than you.

JD stands up from the table as if to confront Tammi

Tammi: (to JD) Okay? So what? Because I can fit your little ass in this purse

Side interview with Kev: ….and I thank God for this woman….EVERY day.

Tammi: Nick, I want to know where Kevin is and I need you to be talking now! Do me a favor, tell Mariah do not tweet me when I pop that ass. Cause if I find out that any one of y’all have but a hand on my baby, Kevin, its gonna be on and crack-a-lackin’ up in here. KEVIN!

Kevin: (from far away w/ a voice that sounds like he’s been crying) I’m in the back

Tammi: Mmmmm Hmmmm. He’s in the back. You better hope that aint NOTHING wrong with him. I brought Big Bertha for y’all asses.

JD, Nelly, Bobby, and Anthony get up and run from the table and out of the house before Tammi comes back.

Side interview with Kev & Tammi: Yeh, I called my Lady! So what?

 

Lmao!!! These fools right here! I really need this to become a show! Kevin has started something right about now!

Whiz Khalifa begins to walk up and present and then Kevin comes out as Chocolate Drop. lmao! You need to Google his YouTube vids. He is cracking me up. The top of his head comes to Khalifa’s arm pits…lol. Kevin looks like somebody’s little brother…lol.. I cant stop laughing!!!! I just put the Drake performance on Play-Fast Forward where you can still hear the words…. the song is STILL hot at this speed. You should try it. lol.

Ne-Yo comes out and introduces Beyonce. I mean, I wondered when she was coming on, but I guess I should have known that they would save the best for last. Even if she is all the way over in England performing at the Glastonbury Music Festival. I want the outfit of the pieanist behind her. So cute. I bet that Lisa Raye is eyeballing this white ensemble too. lol. I want Beyonce’s shoes….cute!!!! I am trying to think back to a time when Beyonce performed in something other than a swimsuit. I think it has been years since she’s worn pants or longer bottoms…lol. What? I’m just saying…we could be her gynocologists at this point. We’ve seen her crotch from every angle. And then she decides to do a song off her new album called The End of Time. Didnt I already tell you how I feel about performing new songs. Thanks camera man for being in her crotch…. I told you! Ummm… why was the black girl in the suidence singin along? Ummm is this out yet? But I do like this song…. so she gets a pass.

The commercial came back saing “In Loving Memory of John Cossette: 1957-2011”. I am going to do some research to figure that out.

Also, Kevin brought Chris Brown out to address the whole Viewer’s Choice Award issue. Chris did win the award and Tiffany and the tablet were correct.  Chris also won the Fandamonium award. Now, if Kev falls off this segway I am laughing my ass off. And where did they et this bike for Chris from?  And why does Kev have a helmet on? hahahaha funny. Okay, this show had its funny moments but kev was the funniest host. Je can come back.

Colored Girl vs For Colored Girls:A Review-Part 2

                VS               

 

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN TYLER PERRY’S MOVIE FOR COLORED GIRLS!!!!

 Please ready Review Part 1  FIRST before reading this. Click HERE. Thanks!

7 Nov 10

          This morning I woke up to pitch black darkness surrounding me in my bedroom as my conscience pulled me out of a nightmare, a nightmare where I envisioned my college friend who had been out drinking with all of us and I allowed one of our guy friends to drive her home. I mean, this was the south, stuff like that doesnt happen in the south, right? He was a friend of all of ours and had been for years so I didnt feel like there was anything to worry about. But fear struck my core when she told me that he fell asleep in her bed next to her, undressed.  Friend or no friend, fear can shake a girl that way. She was intoxicated and had nothing to go on but his word that nothing happened. But she would never be the same after that, and the thought of him being in the house while she was passed out shook me to my core and stalked me in my sleep years later. This was one of the realities that I took home with me after watching For Colored Girls. There were so many eye-opening moments, but that one hit home the best like, like…….. like an abusive boyfriend with fists of steel coming with the strength of hurricane Katrina. For Colored Girls had done something to me that was unexpected; it made me rethink what it meant to be a Colored Girl TODAY and not remain the colored girl of 1997 when I first picked up the book and rose to success without accepting or issuing any apologies. What kind of Colored girl was I today? And what kind of audience needed For Colored Girls: the movie?

          Walking into Potomac Yards’ Regal Theater at 4pm ,directly after work,  was like me rushing to see Deep Throat; no one was supposed to like it but it was the IT thing to do of the day. The crowd of women rocking one dominate color or another was a secret sign to those of us who had knowingly been Colored Girls for years, that we were here to stake claim to something that had been ours for decades, some longer than others, but ours just the same. I found myself sitting dead center in the upper rows next to a mature woman rocking a powder blue beret and matching sweater who was as poised as she wanted to be. And as I looked around the room I saw colors that weren’t apart of our Colored Girl sisterhood and I just assumed that they were the Neos begging to find out what our sisterhood was all about, but I didn’t have the courage to tell them that this may be a hazing of sorts rather than the traditional induction expected by Nationals. Besides, I would have sounded crazy to a woman who just wanted to come and see a movie, like my co-worker who didn’t even know it was a book or a play before she saw my book placed on my desk earlier that day. The 15 minutes of previews was not enough time for me to fill these women in, and so I sat back quietly with my Icee and held my judgment close as the lights went dim.

          As a person who has her Masters Degree in Theatre Arts, me watching a movie is like doing the job of the Continuous ( the person who gets paid to make sure that every time they do a retake the glass is filled to the same level and a purse is on the same shoulder…..notices all errors so the shot looks continuous) instead I am doing it for free. And even though there is no stage, I am still sitting against the fourth wall begging the movie to suspend my moment of disbelief, to pull me in. Immediately, as the movie began, the violinist sitting upon the piano, leg crossed, toes pointed inches away from the pianist’s face drew my disbelief’s attention clear into the room. Who does that in real life? I immediately was aware again that this was a movie and some of the creative effects were going to be there, rather than make this as real as possible, or at least that was my initial fear. Anika Noni Rose, supposedly assigned Lady in Yellow, but performing Lady in Brown’s poem, opens up with a beautiful dance that draws us all in, but this collage of voices that jack-up the opening make it hard to understand if the women are saying the same thing or different things, and all of it gets lost in the surround sound as jumbled mess before the last line if cursively scribbled across the screen. I think that it was a unneccesary dramatic effect, or improperly executed effect. Allowing each woman to speak was clean and would have been enough. But that wouldn’t be the last thing I had wrong with this movie.

          The introduction of characters was another area that jolted my senses. In the play, they were just colored girls retelling stories, some theirs and some of the people they knew, but you were never quiet sure. Half the time it felt like they were telling your story but changed the name to protect the not so innocent. SO as soon as Kerry Washington gives Kimberly Elise the name of Crystal, she no longer becomes a color to me. She becomes the woman in the poem with a face, with a figure, and a name. It takes away some of my emotion because I now have someone to judge, someone to stare at and say…honey, you don’t have to live in this situation, rather than wonder who tried to help her. And as much as I tried, Kerry’s interaction with Michael Ealy the first time was so unbelievable. Maybe there are guys who hit female strangers, but I would think that he would have taken the stereotypical stance that all abusive men took; subtly. He would have held in all that rage until after she left so that nothing would seem out of the ordinary. Because if he indeed hit her, she would have called the cops for hitting a city employee and not just left some damn voicemail. Then BAM! Phylicia began a portion of the Beau Willie poem, so was she Lady in Red? It felt like a great place to put it, but then it dawned on me….. THE POEMS WERE INCOMPLETE AND OUT OF ORDER!!!! This was no longer For Colored Girls Who Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Was Enuf, this was like Passion of the Christ versus Jesus Christ, Super Star! Okay, Okay…. I get it now. He may have used the foundation of my Bible, but he remixed the order of the scripture…..it was okay. My own Bishop doesn’t read the Bible in the same order every Sunday, but I get the same message. I could relax….almost.

          In comes Loretta Divine, OBVIOUSLY the Lady in Green, but why in the HELL was she doing the Lady in Red’s “water it your damn self” poem? Confused. So, people weren’t keeping their own poems either? Okay, so this went from Passion of the Christ, to Jesus Christ Super Star to Mel Gibson yelling anti-Semitic phrases on a freeway. I couldn’t understand. Each Colored Girl had her own traits, why were they being mixed around? And for the life of me…..who in the hell casted Tessa Thompson? While doing the Lady in Yellow’s graduation poem in a purple leotard ( Thought I wouldn’t notice,huh?) she destroyed everything I am still paying student loans off of for was based on. She rambled through that piece just to hear herself speak. There were no revelations, no pauses,  no tone fluctuations to suggest a change in who she was, and it was too damn sing-songy.  I could hear Shakespeare clawing at the dirt in an attempt to get to her trailer to recite “Bitch, speak the speech I pray you as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue; but if you mouth it as many of our players do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines“. And I don’t know that many girls who would tell how they lost their virginity to a class full of females. I just think that her execution could have been better. Just like I wondered why was Whoopi in the film? The ONE poem that she received was mumbled in with that of Thandie Newton’s and very inaudible. It was as if some theatrical effect went wrong and had a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of Super Bowl and no one was willing to apologize for it. That poem deserved its own light as well, they both did. They both were of equal importance. I spent half the time trying to hear Whoopi’s poem and drown out Thandi’s, who was supposed to be the Lady in Orange…signified by her double-sided taped orange robe. I felt as if I lost something there that I can’t get back. And the close up of Whoopi saying, “He said I was ugly” sucked all seriousness out of the theater as we all laughed at an aged Ceily and imagining Sug pointing her long, bony finger in her face, because this scene “Shol was ugly”. But maybe, and this could be a stretch, maybe Whoopi became the symbolic precense of all of us who know the play,have strayed from it and the minute your faults have been thrown in your face you run back to the old play and claim to hold it sacred. I say this from the rounds of critique’s I’ve seen on the internet. Are we the mothers of this movement dressed in all white wearing dirty draws full of our bullshit that we want no one else to see? So many women, self included, claim that the purpose of the play means so many things to them, but most importantly that they can change and rise above those things….only to refuse change the moment they heard this movie was coming out. Are we the theatrical cult mothers baptizing the new generation with honey and ash to convert them back to colored ballerinas in jazz shoes the moment that we see them engaging in the activities that For Colored Girls once saved us from all those years ago? Are we the ones wishing them well but leaving the theater abruptly because this new adaptation is ” the devil’s music“? Just a thought.

          With the whole Beau Willie poem, and Crystal…. I think that Kimberly Elise did a good job. I still couldn’t take my mind away from the Lynn Whitfied & Oprah scene in Brewster Place where Oprah tells her to breathe after the loss of her baby. I can’t remember if I cried during that scene. I teared up more with her scrubbing the blood off of the sidewalk. That graphic brought home that I was judging and made me think of someone very close to me and her two children and the men she has chosen to love. It brought fear in my heart, since I knew that no one but my personal Crystal could choose to help herself once she decided to take responsibility for her part in such an abusive situation. I couldn’t save her. And that stung.

        The men…..outside of me visualizing Maino (Khalil Kain, who has gained some weight) raping Anika….the other guys really just floated to the back of my memory. That rape scene was the most graphic I think I’ve seen Tyler get since Medea Goes to Jail with the guy on top of Keisha Knight Pulliam. The clock was dramatic, but I caught myself laughing at the fact that at least he was a 2 minute brother. I had to detach for my own mental safety.  If anything I wanted to blame the guy and not Anika for letting a guy into her house on the second date. Those damn guys!!!! They were there….but they weren’t there. It was never about them. I still question their having been there in the first place. Loretta Divine’s speech to the door was powerful because no man was there. I think that the men could have very well been abstractly there. I think that would have been more powerful than me hurting my eyes trying to squint to see a private part or two of the hot ass guy butt naked behind some beads in Thandi’s house. But…it is what it is.

          I finally figured out why Janet was dressed in Red….she was supposedly the Lady in Red, all be it imposing that she delivered the Lady in Blue’s speech. Sorry Kerry…she stole your poem. Also, the big reveal of her marital situation…. I WISH I WOULD sit on a bed all calm delivering some kind of poem to the back of my Down Low husband’s head after receiving the news that I received. THAT SHIT WAS SO UNPLAUSIBLE!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! She should have reached back into her acting bag from Why Did I Get Married, Too and imagined that he was coming in her house trying to take her stuff again. THIS is where she should have lost her damn mind!!! And then she went to a damn party!!!! Oh, somebody was smoking crack when this part of the script came to be. Sorry, Janet baby…I don’t blame you because you were allowed to do it….but it didn’t fly with me. You behaving like Cruella Deville was a nice surprise, but not much else. Okay, I take that back, your change around and revelation was nice as well. But the message that was sent with her being all calm was such the wrong message to send to colored girls. We didn’t see her break down over her health, but we saw her break down over her assistant’s children? We didn’t see her break her composure over the discovery of his lies, over the uncertainty of what was ahead? There should have been something a little more believable here…..but it was that “ONE YEAR LATER” jump that we were suppose to guess what happened. Tyler should stick to a 48hr window period of  believability because things get left out.

          I personally think that with 9 women being housed in a 7 woman script there were some things that were going to get left out. I think that Kerry’s character could have been combined with that of Whoopi’s and Phylicia’s. She could have still been the social worker who was a hypocrite and preying on everyone else’s business. And she could have still been Nyla (Tessa) and Thandi’s (Thandi) ….am I the only one who noticed that Thandi kept her own name in the movie, or was it Tangi?……mother. I think that Loretta should have been Lady in Red and Janet Lady in Green…for the most part. But with the mixture of parts, its hard to tell who should have been what. I just think that the backdrop for these women were not quiet right for this play. Maybe it should have been a Girlfriend’s kind of setting where Joan comes in and tells about the people she works with, or a few of Maya’s “Oh Hell Nawls”, and Lynn’s inability to see the world as it is to make us all wonder just where in the hell did Toni go. It would have made us, or at least me, believe half of the movie. I would have been able to believe that there were people out there who stuff like this happened to with it being told over cocktails in an upscale bar. Hell….they could have even turned it into a play about poets living out their lives on stage in poems, and that would have helped with the cadence of some of the poetical lines that most people would never say in regular conversation or description. But this is all…..should’ve, could’ve, would’ves.

          After getting over the whole Women of Brewster’s Place vibe, I did walk away with two or three bells of personal wisdom; Anika Noni Rose & Phylicia Rashad. Anika Noni Rose should definitely get an award, a certificate, or a cover for her scene in the hospital. I cried. I sat there and internalized every thing she said because the scene was done beautifully. Having been assaulted by a member of my own family, I understood and I agreed. It made me take notice of the numerous times I dated a guy and he kept trying to have sex with me when the answer “No” never wavered. It made me wonder if we weren’t surrounded by other people, or if I hadnt driven myself home…what would have happened. Or I think back to the times of having my hands pinned down after I try to push him off of me and his refusing to stop. Do you press charges when someone refuses to stop, no matter how far you initially intended to go? Are you not allowed to change your mind when you no longer feel comfortable? After he is already in your house? I already dont let many people, male or female, into my house…but who am I really allowing into my space. And just because I gave him a kiss, was seen in public with him, or hugged him….does that send him a signal that more could be in store? I was frightened. It was a good frightening, it was a frightening of awareness. That was an awareness that I never took home with the play.  Just like, I heard Phylicia speaking to Thandi…..I have some things that I need to “pluck out at the root”. And I was Thandi sitting on the table facing her baby sister trying to explain to her that I didn’t hate her and never had. No one had ever taught me how to love myself so I didn’t know how to love her. It was as if it was me saying ” being a colored girl is a metaphysical dilemma that I aint got quite good at yet” into the eyes of a sister who wasnt willing to see me try. I was Thandi accepting her reason for needing $300 and going to pay it to find out that it was all a lie. I’m not perfect, and I can’t go back, but I will not stand around and take the blame for the actions of a person I don’t know any more. I just dont know how to get my life to play out as beautifully as their scene. But I’ll keep praying. It was these amazing women who spoke to me the most. But I was still Thandi’s character, running from being touched through continuous touching. I was Tessa’s character, having been pregnant and having had an abortion at the age of 20. I was Phylicia, being in everyone’s business wanting to help solve their problems and my help not being welcomed. I was Janet, being a powerhouse and people not respecting that,and sometimes abusing that power. I was Kerry, wondering would I ever be able to have a child with a man who I loved and who loved me back after a guy who had seemingly destroyed my world. I was Kimberly, staying in situations that would never benefit me but never having the strength to leave. I was Whoopi, tugging between hypocrisy and the hypocrite. And I was Loretta, not knowing that I could love myself more than any man could make me believe that he could.  I walked out of that theater feeling like I was still a Colored Girl. This movie didn’t confirm it, I knew it all along, and I was okay with letting another generation find their way back to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. This movie wasnt taking anything from me…it was to remind me what I had, and I had it….but I expressed it through pre-judgment and an unwillingness to accept change. Indirectly, through all of its mistakes, this film, too, was a Colored Girl that needed to find its way…and it doesn’t need to apologize for its mistakes. It just needs to exist and touch those who can be touched by it. But just for dramatic effects it should scream to the mountain of complainers on critic sites and twitter, “Shut up bitch, I said I was sorry” just to prove a point that it wasnt trying to live up to their high ass expectations in the first place. Nothing can ever be an original, but the original. And this was no Ntozake Shange, but it was a Tyler Perry. Like it or not….it exists. And I took something away from it.

          And as I pulled into my house and plugged in my dead cell phone, it began to buzz like a pack of bees at a honeycomb. I check my text messages…and low and behold there is a text from the guy I cut it off with last week. His text read:

MRH: Afternoon! I know I haven’t talk with you n a couple of days, but I was down south. I would like to see you tonight an hold an talkk to you if not I got ya

I swear my life matches up better than most. His improper grammar taunted me and my intellectual capacity to understand how he just refused to put a “d” on the end of “an” when needed. I stared at the implied “Bitch, you’re stupid” tattooed to the tail end of his reason for not calling, as if the South has yet to discover phones. Here I was trying to figure out if I as the Lady in Green or the Lady in Red, and then I thought “What the hell” I became greedy and became both. You see, “ever since I realized there was someone called a colored girl, an evil woman, a bitch or a nag….. I’ve been trying not to be that” but moments like this just push my buttons and test my commitments to myself. But I was a Colored Girl….and I was better than anything he could ever do to me. And so I replied:

LMAO!

I just got back in the house and about to head back out. I really don’t see us EVER hanging out again. Just from the lack of respect you showed me BEFORE you went down south. But I wish you the best & early congrats on graduation. May God cover you in his favor. Goodbye!

          There it was….. mission accomplished and Colored Girl approved. I could hear the women high-fiving me in my spirit. I think that I have come full circle. “I had found God in myself and I loved her fiercly!” Whether it was the film or my history with the play….I was a Colored Girl Who Once Considered Suicide When My Purpose Became Too Much…..and I am sitting here rethinking that choice….because my Purpose IS Enough! *bundles up in my purple and green sheets and comforter & hits Save.”

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

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