~*2Deep*~

Posts Tagged ‘Health’

P90X Journey: Day 2

In P90X Journey on 19 October 2010 at 10:45 pm

Okay…

So it should be NO surprise that I did not wake up this morning and do P90X. I meant to, had every intention in doing so, but my schedule is shot! I think that I will have to workout in the evenings this week and then rest up on the rest day so I can switch to mornings next week. But trust me… I will workout when I go home tonight.

My challenge this morning was lack of preparation. I have the foods needed to do the Fat Shredder Phase II meal plan, but I had no idea what I was going to eat. I was running late to work because I sat there trying to figure out how much of protein and carbs I was allowed to have and where in the day would I place these choices. I have a good feeling that if I slip on anything….it will be the food portion.

So this morning I ended up having a few slices of bacon, 8oz of Soy milk ( lactose intolerant), and that was about it. I could have had some egg whites, but I was in a rush. I will prepare better for tomorrow. For snacks I have celery and peanut butter, and string cheese. Lunch will be pita bread, spinach leaves, Boca burger and avocado slices. Not bad huh? I will have to write later what I ate for dinner. Oh yeh, yesterday….I wasnt on the meal plan at all. lol

So, corrections that I already see that I need:

1. Better meal preparations

2.Better sleep habits

3. Buy the resistance bands

4. Stay determined and do NOT psych myself out.

More updates once I get home and work out. I think I do Cardio X today…..yipeeee!

Okay… here I am fresh from Cardio X.  This was a fun workout. I actually pushed myself and felt like I could accomplish everything in the workout. Well, maybe not everything…but more than the workout from yesterday. I can do the cobra from the plank YET, nor can I do the Dreya Roll…but everything else I can do. I may not be able to do it perfectly or at the crackish speed that they do it, but I do it at my pace and I keep pushing through the burn.  When the instructor yelled ” Come on, show them that white men can jump” I almost slipped on my jump shot…lol. So far, I like the P90X program. Maybe this really is the time that I was meant to have my fitness breakthrough.

I understand that I may not be able to do every singe thing either at first or at all, but I just keep moving or even do a previous move  that I can do. I cant do the Dreya Roll because my knees dont bend as swiftly and my back kills me when i bend at the waste and even worse when I try to roll back on it. I will have to get that checked out b/c my lower back and right hip make me feel like I am over  80 years old. It feelsbetter when I stretch and even better the morning after I exercise…so maybe I just need to move…. but I work within my limits and I will stay focused.

When I workout, I am focused on the workout and I am not paying attention to the time or how long I have been working out. I am focused on trying to keep moving even if I cannot do the exact move on the screen. And the fact that I ate a Sbarro pizza for dinner has nothing to do with my lack of focus…lol. This is just what I need. I even took my before pics and felt goofy as hell standing in my rd bra with my roomie taking pics. I told her they will never see the light of day unless I lose weight completely. lol. Well, let me get ready to go to bed, I have to work out in the morning because I am hanging out with my boo tomorrow night after work. I can’t even let him distract me from my fitness goals, and he likes me just the way I am. But this…. this is my journey. So let me also finish off this Brita water filter pitcher of water… I finished an entire pitcher in a day. GO ME!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

P90X Journey: Day 1

In P90X Journey on 19 October 2010 at 12:54 am

        Okay, soooooooo I decided that I really needed to document this journey so I can see it from start to finish. I say finish because I will finish it whether it kills me or not. Unfortunately, my cruise falls dead smack in the middle of my 90 Days….but I am making a pledge to get up and work out while on the cruise. I will stick to it.

        I currently…well as of this morning… weighed 227 pounds. Yeh…. so not cool for a 5’8 diva such as myself. But…it is my reality and I embrace it so I can change it. I have 2 months to lose 27 pounds. I really don’t know how realistic that goal is… but if I lose anything I will feel blessed and accomplished. David Girton, of Live Now Fitness (check out there website LiveNowFitness.com), once told me that Fitness is not a goal but a journey…..that is how I am going to embrace this entire process.

        So, I read all of the books that come with the program and I watched the Bring It video and most importantly, I didn’t psych myself out. I already know that I did a few things right and more thing wrong. So I did the measuring of my waist (etc) but I didn’t do a lick of that fitness test. I know I know, I know. I will do it tomorrow when I get home from work just to measure. I also forgot to take before pics but will do that tomorrow too. I figure nothing will change over night.

        I decided to do the lean workout. I think that one fits means what I am looking for…..I think. His explanation said for women who don’t want to be completely ripped. I don’t….so I will try to conquer this and then switch to possibly Classic…but highly doubt Doubles. I was actually proud of myself. I stuck with it and kept moving. I know that my form looks NOTHING like the people in the video but I did what my current form was capable of doing. I suck with push-ups, side planks, and anything requiring I hold in my abs. If we are on the ground… I suck at it. But I kept moving. My lower back and right hip started hurting during the workout. I noticed that it was like a stretching pain. I dont move in most of these positions, so it wasnt that I hurt something, it was that I was finally moving something. Hip joints were screaming for being put to use….lol. I know I should have gotten up this morning to do it… but the fact of the matter is… I came home and moved it and didn’t let anything stop me. Not another day go by.

        That is my goal… to find a way to fit these workouts in NO MATTER WHAT! I may have to get up in the morning on some days…but that is okay. Night time always seems better but could become a comfortable trap…either way, it is going to get done. I can’t let myself down any more. I hope to have upper body strength when all is said and done at the end of these 90 days. Well….enough of my banter..I need to figure out my meal plan for tomorrow. And continue to curse under my breath how I already hate the superman/banana. WHO THINKS OF THIS TORTURE?!

~~~Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Yes, I’m Fat….Thanks for Noticing

In So-Shall Experience on 5 September 2010 at 1:09 pm

There's no hope for me if THIS is considered too fat!

 

AN UNCENSORED WARNING: If you are about to read this..please leave a comment below so I know what you think so I can know what writing works and what doesnt. It simply irks the $#!+ out of me for me to write all this, people read and not respond. Actually, its rude as hell. Now….enjoy.     

My night ended and my day began with the discussion of being the plus size friend. Something that is a bit of a taboo conversation, and depending on what region of the world you’re in,it also has a different source of relevancy. Well, being plus size in the Nation’s capital is like being the lone colored person at the taping of Birth of a Nation; you may have the privilege of being there, but trust me when I tell you that you are nothing more than a prop or hired help. Even yesterday my friends and I had conversations of whether or not I was this guy’s “type”. I explained to them that seldom am I ever anyone’s type. One goes on to tell me that I have to stop thinking that way because it could read on me. I swiftly told her that I never think poorly of myself and that I am the business every time I step my foot on this green earth, but common sense can tell you when a person just isn’t that into you; you recognize that and you keep it moving. Only desperate people stay around when they’re not wanted. Thankfully, I am not that type of woman because knowing when you are not wanted can save you the blunt force of rejection that gets thrusted in your face or stabbed in your back by either a casual flirt or a love interests who subtly or boldly lets you know that its your weight that makes you unattractive.    

Despite any amount of confidence one may have leaving the house, not even your understanding of placing the whole armor of God on could shield you from the source of hate and disgust that could be issued in your direction upon stepping foot off of your personal property. The amount of separation that the world places on plus size people would never equate to the battle of homosexuals or the holocaust, but it does resemble that of the Civil Rights era. Actually, it could be just a tad bit worse because the bigots dont out right express their hatred for you. Brand name stores like LVLX, RAVE, and Vera Wang are encrypted signs that say No Fats allowed, Fit Persons Only. You should check the seat of the sales person’s size 2 panties as she is about to drop a load on herself when a plus size woman enters one of these stores. She tries to both monitor the items that the plus size person has in their arm and remember the politically correct phrasing for reminding the plus size person that their big ass has no home within the walls of this anti-obese clothing facility. Inside, the plus size person wants to scream, “Trick, can I please shop your jewelry in peace?” or “May I please purchase this size zero for a family member or friend without you preparing a eulogy for the zipper without my having even asked for the location of the dressing rooms?” No matter where we go, we are just assumed to be one way rather than being taken on an individual basis.      

I carry the  struggle of weight just like the next plus size person, but I am my own person. I can get up and run a mile without complaining….but who does that for fun? lol. I can teach dance classes for hours without even noticing that this is in fact considered exercise, or walk the mall for hours carrying bags and never once request to sit down from body aches. I am NOT by any stretch of the imagination the most athletic person you will ever meet, but I am also not the laziest. If you were to follow me on any given day you would imagine how a person could move around so much and be my size, just to come to the conclusion of confusion when I tell you that I am both safe and harmed behind the walls of my fat rolls. Here I know that not many people will look my way when standing beside my rather modelesque or regular/average sized friends, but I am also safe from the people who would still overlook my mind and what I have to offer just because they are attracted to my outer presence. So, I don’t know the next person’s battle, but mine is to never be seen as just another ass for another deceptive guy to place on his conquer list. My fat has become my defense mechanism….but here I sit watching the world that I was once a part of wanting to belong to it once more …..just without the risks.      

So, to all the plus size girls out there….I know what it feels like to fall in love with a guy and to be hidden and confined to after dark visits, never introduced to friends or family and treated differently than when you first met. I know what it feels like for people to swiftly push-off your concerns about how the world treats you by telling you that “if its your weight that you feel is the problem, then why not just lose the weight.” I know what it feels like to walk into a club with other plus size friends and hear a guy yell “Damn, there must be a buffet in the back with all of these big bitches coming up in here” or the guy sporting a shirt with the silhouette of a grotesque replica of a plus size girl surrounded by burgers and fries and other carb induced items adorned with the Ghostbusters “No” sign that reads “I don’t do Big Bitches”. Or to be walking with your friends, dressed in your best from head to toe, feeling confident in your decision as you have not fallen into the BGID [Big Girls in Denial] syndrome,you’re properly & proportionately covered and looking dazzling…just to have a guy walk up to you and say “If that’s your best, I don’t want to see your worse” . He then gives his cronies dap and other male bonding gestures that now makes him a man for trying to defeat an innocent woman just because she wasnt aesthetically pleasing to him. Also,I know what it feels like to be out dancing with your friends as a guy walks over to dance with one of the thinner divas, takes her purse and shoes that she was holding in her hand and hands them to you after saying “Here, you can hold this since no one is going to dance with you anyway.” Or to go to a Howard University homecoming and have a guy videotape and joke on another plus size friend that you came with as you jump in the line of the camera’s shot to block and protect your innocent friend from becoming the target of an internet joke fest…just to have her turn on you and say that you don’t understand because you’re smaller than her and not really plus size. What about reading a tweet that says “….. if you let yourself go, dont expect me to hold on.”? And I also know what it feels like to playfully flirt with a friend and watch him turn to every OTHER friend you’re with while your back is turned and attempt to flirt with them, or to sit in the backseat of a car and have that same guy think that you are either stupid enough or blind enough for the dark of night to mask his holding hands with a friend that you just introduced him to as she sits quietly in the front seat with his hand rested on her knee/thigh. I know what it feels like to sit back after all of this has happened and wonder if being thinner would make you visible again or wonder what could be so wrong with you that people don’t properly take your emotions into consideration.      

What I have found after all of this soul-searching is that….. it is not me. Also, it is not my friends’ fault for being who they are. Yet, after all of that you try to compartmentalize the pain that comes with being you…with being a citizen in the land of More of You To Love…just to conclude that there is nothing you can do. I love myself just the way I am and it is wrong of me to let other’s actions in the presence of who I am make me feel as if I am inadequate, or that I am any less of the beautifully God crafted woman who I was intended to be. I deserve respect, I deserve love, and although all of that evades me now…..one day it will come when it is supposed to and I don’t think that me being a smaller size should have anything to do with that match made in heaven occurring for me. In the meantime, I just have to laugh at the many people who overlook the joy that is within me, the intelligence that i house, and the romantic gestures that I wish to one day share with my husband….in a way my size is allowing shallow people to pass me by and in the present mind frame I’m okay with that. My message to the bigots is that I will not try to change you, if you promise not to try to change me. So, with that…I will continue to analyze why these negative comments and actions issued in my direction as if I am not human, not attractive, not capable of understanding that I am being dissed…hurt as much as they do. Why do these comments keep me from socializing on a personal level, reaching outside of my comfort zone and grabbing life by the balls and saying , “Fuck You! Now pass me the plate”.  I guess it’s too much to try to process all at once, to dissect and understand so I compartmentalize, and when asked why I am so upset I respond with….I’m just too fat for words.      

One day, the world will come to learn that being plus sized is genetics, a taught/learned behavior, a medical disease [a disorder or thyroid], and a process that one jokes on only makes the matter worse. This just happens to be a personal battle that we wear on our sleeves, stomachs, and thighs so many feel they can attack it, ignore it, disrespect it, and judge it. I’d love to see the day when alcoholics, liars, sex addicts, adulteress, and thieves [etc.] could wear their habits on their sleeves, able to be viewed by the rest of the world. Until then, I am a brave soul to know that I hold my head up ever day I walk into the world, fat and all, as the world can see my habits and continue to not make an excuse for who I am. I tell the rest of the world that if you are so above me….why do you hide your habits? Why do you throw up behind closed doors, hold hands in the dark, drink while others aren’t looking or sex with someone you just met in hopes that they will say I love you back and mean it? Yes, I’m  fat….thanks for noticing. Now…what else can you see?      

~Sincerely,      

My Mother’s Daughter

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