~*2Deep*~

Posts Tagged ‘girls’

200 Men Said….Let a Man be a Man

In 200 Men Said.... on 8 March 2011 at 12:02 am

        So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?

        Okay…I’m a big girl, I can admit when I need help. So, I needed help trying to figure out what this meant. Because in all honesty, in woman code, this translates to “Shut up woman and fix me some food”. You might as well call me a bitch and put me in geisha make-up. The phrase almost implies that a woman has the power to stop you from being a man, which then suggests the question of “why should I be with you if I can stop you from being a man?”. No, don’t shoot the messenger… I’m just saying…this phrase is looking a little swiss cheese-ish to me.

        Well, when I hear it I speculate that he means that he needs to be in control at that moment, or that I have stepped on his manhood a little too much. That is all I can do….. speculate. But… I also think that there are several different ways to let a man be a man, and each one is a sign of how much of a man the woman is dealing with. For instance, my godmother has this way of politely saying my godfather’s name that will shut the sentence down and change the topic. She was letting him be the man, in my opinion, but not embarrassing him nor letting him embarrass himself. He still got to maintain his pride. I have never , and I mean NEVER seen her raise her voice at him. Now what goes on in the privacy of that bedroom when you hear her call his name politely down the hall….that is on them. I am sure they have had disagreements… I have never seen it. The one thing that I have caught by accident is when my dad left his wallet at home after she reminded him to get it, he didn’t. So we’re at the restaurant and he is entertaining friends and family and the check comes. My mother knew what was about to happen, and I saw her playing around in her purse and then she slipped her credit card under the table and into his lap under his hand without missing a beat. THAT was letting my father remain a man so that he could place the card on the table and pay the bill. But, in letting him be a man, she had to be a woman to see what was needed and assist him. I have a STRONG feeling that guys around my age don’t see that as the definition of Letting a Man be a Man. So I asked them.

I asked my 200 Men…..

On my last question I saw pretty much the same response. What does “let the man be the man” mean to you and what should a woman do, or not do, to let the “man be the man”? 

        And since I never read the comments until I come back through to edit the formatting of the post…. I have no clue what you are about to read. The 200 Men Said….

  • Danny P: All of this isn’t this complicated. When it’s right, the two involved in the relationship are who they are and the couple is still one. All this [means is] let [it] be [the way in] which [it] is… if [letting] the person be who they are is [them being a ] cheating fool or something… well uh duh
  • Allen Ozark:   ??? not sure.
  •  Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Its means, let the man think he’s in control even if you’re in control. Also, all duties that are designed for a man…let him do them even if you’re better. Eventually, if he’s a real man he’ll admit that you’re better at whatever and come to you for assistance, and rightfully so. [2Deep: This man never ceases to amaze me. But let him be in control even when he isnt…..isnt that lying? lol. Okay, Lie to my man. Check!]
  • DSMILEY1: Let the man be the man: in charge of houses chores like cutting the grass & washing the cars. Sometimes its good to switch out but [it] wouldn’t be the same
  • : !: it means if you have a Real Man, he leads the household in decisions..basically the King..but that doesn’t mean he is a tyrant. He should listen to advice from his wife and make good decisions. Basically, the way the Bible portrays it.
  • Lateef25:  maybe not nag so much about what you want. just tell him in a nice way or let it go
  • Kycajrome L: I believe [it] comes from the Old school archetype of when the Man was the provider and fixer of everything in the household…depending how a man was raised some still hold those values ,times are a little diff, but old or new ,Respect is what a MAN wants
  • on the rocks…: that statement is self explanatory.far be it for a man to explain what it is to be a man.especially to woman these days. they seem to have their own blueprint for us.lol ..check every 3rd female profile and it’ll have a laundry list of what a “REAL” man is

        Now you all know that I wasnt going to just STOP at some of these answers. So some side conversations came from them and they went a little something like this:

  • Vince V: I think that those answers are coming from men who feel insecure about their position in the household and basically wants the woman to run everything through him and let him have the final say so in what goes on in their relationship. when in my opinion a secure man who has good communication with his partner would trust his woman to be able to act as an extension of him to make good decisions with both his and her best interest at heart , but communication being the key. [2Deep: I simply love this answer…. he can stay…lmao]
  • Me: Sooooooooooo I noticed you said that a “woman to be able to act as an extension of him” What does that mean? And why cant it be the other way around? Just playing devil’s advocate here
  • Vince V: ok miss devil’s advocate….lol   Traditionally the man would always be considered the head of the household because he was the bread-winner. but as times have changed and women have become less dependent on men; whether it be cause of equality between men and women, or financial responsibilities within a relationship. the level of the playing field has evened out, and either one could be considered the “head”. but sticking with tradition, even though the field is even, with the male being the head; any actions performed by the woman would be considered “okayed” by the man, to anyone outside that relationship. which would mean she was just doing it for him cause he cant get to it. Now it can work the other way around but then that would not be a traditional type relationship, plus then you might  have a man with a really hurt ego about holding up the appearance of being the man of the house.
  • Me: Soooooooo what is a woman not suppose to do without her man’s permission?
  • Vince V: have sex with someone else….j/k lol   a woman doesn’t need her man’s permission to do anything….but a woman or a man in a good relationship keeps open lines of communication with each other. especially when decisions that are to be made affect one another.
  • Me: Okay….so to let a man be a man is to keep an open line of communication with him. That’s it? ( I swear you’re gonna get sick of me…lol) But I am trying to make sure that I understand before I post it.
  • Vince V: no, to let a man be a man is to let him run everything and make all the decisions and don’t question the things that he does. but i would personally like having the input of my woman in every decision that i make for us, and vice versa .
  • Me: How is THAT being a man?!!! That sounds like a dictatorship!!!!! OH I SWEAR YALL WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!! lmao
  • that is just the way life has traditionally put men with women. but like i said, as for me ,i like having the input of my woman cause i feel like it keeps us closer and more in touch with each other
  • Me: Gotcha! No prob….. I thought that you had great insight… My readers should hear it. Oh.. wait.. my fault. I didn’t let the man be the man. *submits* am I allowed to put your comment on my page? lmao!

        Vince V was my favorite response, but I simply had to post my comments from Chub L. He keeps me cracking up and yet he still knows when to be serious. So here are his responses:

  • Chub L: Let the man be the man – let him get that door etc… Let him do for you what you shouldn’t have to do for yourself as his queen.
  • Me: That was your answer…. so what am I not suppose to do for myself as his queen?
  • Chub L:In the world that we live in today – It’s basically everybody for themselves, but my queen shouldn’t have to get her own door, ever. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I don’t have a problem with a woman’s independence at all. Whatever my independent queen will allow me to do for her is gravy. No qualms here. I’m open-minded – we can get the darn door for each other.
  • Me: So, it really is that important to a man to feel needed in a relationship? But is it just with tangible things? Does a man ever feel the need to be needed emotionally? Meaning, if she doesn’t want you to get the door but needs you to hold her every night… would you feel like less of a man?
  • Chub L: Being emotionally needed is even more of a necessity. The Queen needs for her king to not only be her rock while she’s awake -but to rock her to sleep and all the more rock her while she’s asleep. It is for the good of both. If my queen is kept happy then hence I will also be kept happy.
  • So, then… why do you think so much emphasis is placed on a man doing tangible things versus him being there for her in the emotional times?
  • Chub L : I haven’t got a clue – I can only speak for me – I do both. Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.

        Soooooooo are you still as confused as I am? I don’t want to be alone, so don’t leave me out here alone on Confusion Island. I mean, I get it…. but I don’t get it. So, as long as I allow my man to do “things” for me, then he feels like a man and all is gravy. So, I shouldnt have to touch a door in the presence of a man, pull out a chair, or cut my grass ( I don’t know, so I am halfway there), and let him make all of the decisions. I have a feeling that there is a gray area here that is in need of a dye job. It can’t be that friggin simple. So if I live by these few rules I am allowing my man to be a man? SWEET!

        Okay, all jokes aside. I think it all boils down to respect. Do I respect my man to hear him out when he verbalizes his needs? Do I validate him when needed? Does he have an equal part in this relationship? I think THAT is where his concerns lay. Anything else is a dictatorship and it isnt going to happen over here. Respect for Respect should be the basis on which this blog should be concluded to. And Scene.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said….An Independent Woman’s Place

In 200 Men Said.... on 22 February 2011 at 12:02 am

        So, while on Twitter I asked some of my female followers to hit me up with questions that they wanted my 200 men to answer and I have several questions to ask until I die…lol. But one was in reference to the place of an independent woman in a relationship. Other questions trickled from that one question, but this post will be specifically about an independent woman in her relationship.

*Cues Ne-Yo‘s Miss Independent* or read yesterday’s blog Lyrically Speaking:Lyfe Jennings~Hero [<~Click to Read]

        Often times we hear how you have to be an independent woman, learn to stand on your own two feet, don’t rely on a man because all men are dogs yadda, yadda, yadda. Then on the flip side, we must learn how to Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. How can I when no one is wanting to give up the man code? lol. Just kidding. But in all seriousness…. the world, right on down to the Bible thumpers, would have you believing that in order to be in a committed relationship you must relinquish your feminine family jewels and trade them in for a hot stove, bare feet and Kate plus 8. How 50’s is that. My last name is NOT Stepford. So, are we allowing the world to tell females everywhere that they cannot excel in order to make a man’s ego feel at ease just to have a relationship? I hope not, because then I am going lesbian.

        There has to be a balance, right? There has to be a time where a woman can handle business like a strong and independent woman during the day and be able to submit to her man. Notice I said submit.. not bow down to, not stand behind, not be belittled by. I left my father’s house because I was grown… I BE DAMNED if I go into another man’s house and feel as if I can’t be the strong person that MY FATHER raised me to be in opposition of many of these knuckle heads. So, you actually have the good fathers to blame…lol. And yes, I know I am exaggerating, but if the exaggeration can be handled then everything else will be cleared up in its path as well.

So…. 200 Men were asked:

 Often times black women are made to feel bad for being independent women. Do you think that there is a place for an independent woman in a relationship w/ a man or does she have to change? 

        Ladies, back away from anything that has breath and high levels of testosterone. TRUST ME on this one. I havent even read the comments yet, I never read them before I write my part, so I have no clue what is going to be said.

My men responded with:

  • DSMILEY1: I like independent women because it makes us grow faster & makes life easier on choices we make together
  • Chub L: There is nothing wrong with being independent, but also allow a real man to be the man. Hey it’s truly a new day in our wonderful society for different levels off independence, but chivalry does not have to die in order for independence to live.
  • Kycajrome L: I almost want to say this is a silly question but, I know better, LOL so i’ll say if  [you’re] independent you won’t feel bad about being you (with out an attitude)…if some else can’t handle it….
  • MIAMI’S SON IS BACK !!!:  are u serious !! you took the time to ask me that dumb ass question!! but its called self-esteem, meaning the esteem of ones self. so if you have to ask that question, then your not independent !!!! your a poor excuse of a person [2Deep: I had to rip him a new one separately. Funny how people assume that all of these questions are personally mine. I have women sending me questions on Twitter, and even if someone asks, it could be for research purposes and it doesn’t make them dumb.. like this ass! That’s why I am not going to correct his grammar errors. Because if you’re going to call someone else dumb you might want to know how to use “you’re”…lmao!]
  • !: Never a problem for an independent woman being in a relationship but when it comes to the household, she needs to realize the man is the head of household, it’s a reason God set it that way…just like in all other species. You [can’t] have 2 leaders.
  • dorrance: yes but u have 2 make time for each other if not then, no, it wont work
  • DJ Urban Cowboy: I don’t think any [man] wants a woman who can’t support herself. There is little room to flaunt or boast your independence. If  [you’re] so independent that you have to boast about it, then you don’t need your man.
  • Marcel: If a woman would allow herself to be made to feel in such a manner because of her independence then that is not at all a woman. A woman knows what its is in which she desires, wants and deserves.
  • Code Name Bigsexy: THERE IS ROOM.BUT I THINK THE WOMAN STILL HAS TO LET THE MAN BE THE MAN
  • Vince V: Yes there is a place for her. as long as she is not always throwing it up in the mans face like she doesnt need him for anything and vice versa. because that would be a lie. to make a “relationship” work it takes 2 people, being there for each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. and no neither person should have to change period unless they want to for some reason. i embrace the independent black women. i think that Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabolous state it best in Ne-Yo’s “Independent Remix”

 My FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM:

  • CHRIST- O: I DONT WANT A WOMAN THAT CANT STAND ON HER OWN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN HAS A GLOW ABOUT HER THATS WHY SHE STANDS OUT IN A CROWD. TWO INDEPENDENT PPL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE.

Get your glow on ladies!!!

Okay… so I lied.. I ended up reading this one as I was going back and editing. I love this one too:

  • Prestige “The One And Only”: She never has to change, a real woman will never have to compromise who she is naturally. Independent, stubborn, opinionated…is sexy and a black woman will and should remain such while still being able to allow a man to play his role as a provider.

(This comment sparked another question that will come up in a future blog. [Will post link Here])

        And of course, when a response catches my attention, I have to jump in and get clarification. So I began a conversation below:

  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I know I’m late on this one but I had to really think on it… I don’t think there is anything wrong with an independent woman in or out of a relationship but I don’t think some woman should get into a relationship if they just feel like they don’t want someone they can lean on when they need too. Some women take it to a certain level that can sometimes make their man or anybody feel unnecessary…. Just for example, sometimes the simplest thing like allowing a man to open a door for them… I have experienced women who actually give off an attitude when I have tried to do things like that… And I’m like “Wow, you don’t even want your door opened? That makes you less independent?” And I just think women go overboard with the “Independent Woman” thing.
  •  Me: How are they going overboard?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: They are going overboard because they are starting to take men being polite and chivalrous as trying to impede on their independence. 
  • Me: Oh okay, so how does it make you feel when a woman does that? And how can she be independent and make her man feel validated at the same time?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Everybody wants to feel needed by the person they are with and any real man would be impressed with a woman who can handle her own but if she makes him feel as though he is unnecessary that’s when it gets to be a problem… It’s the simple things… let him open a door, lift a box, yes a woman can do it for herself but a gentleman should never let her. I’m begging women in my life now to do their part in reviving and keeping chivalry alive.
  • Me:  So it makes you feel needed? And you like doing those things? Do you ever think to give her emotional support too? Or must it always be tangible things?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I’m not in a relationship now… but when I was I was more than capable of giving emotional support… but try giving that to a woman who feels like she being babied if a man is just concerned about her. For example I may say “baby are you alright?” because I sense something is wrong with her… her response may be something like “don’t worry about me I’m gonna always be ok… So what am I here for if I don’t or can’t do anything for you?
  • So, That is a testament to the type of woman who you chose to be with… that is NOT an independent woman. That is a dysfunctional female…lmao!
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Well when they are addressed they identify themselves as independent woman… and if that the case I would hate to view every woman who came off  “overly independent” as “dysfunctional women” But I will if I have too…LOL Now on the other hand if you are implying that “independent women” as a whole have perfect balance we would have to agree to disagree and I would do so purely from my personal experiences.
  • Me: I disagree because a person who must announce does not or is not. You don’t go around on a daily basis shouting “I’m a Man!” So, if she feels she is truly independent people will tell her, but you will never hear her cast that title on herself. It is the imbalanced and dysfunctional females playing dress-up in a real woman’s clothing that feel the need to shout how independent that they are. Because, in all honesty, an independent woman can’t wait for a man… THE RIGHT MAN…to come along and compliment her strength. When she feels safe enough, she will hand him her entire load and gladly let him have it so that she can be power woman at the office and a catered woman at night. So again… we mustn’t let our experiences overshadow the facts of the matter. If I let my experiences with dudes overshadow the facts of what a man is supposed to be…..we wouldnt even be having this conversation. So I’ll continue to separate dogs from men if you promise to separate faux females in dress-up mode from independent women. Because Independent woman does not mean independent from the love and support of a man, it means she is independent from the stereotypes placed on her by association with her gender and excels in spite of barriers.  Capiche?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Capiche! You have my word and trust I’m not saying that I don’t have hope that I will one day find a woman of that caliber I just can’t speak on what hasn’t happened… But my eyes, heart and mind are open the very possibility of that opportunity…
  • Me: Until then… you can’t say that you have come in contact with an independent woman then. You have come in contact with women who are trying to prove that they are independent and failing miserably. lol

         And then it hit me….. these guys are responding the way that they are because there are imposters out there wearing an Independent Woman’s clothes! Yes…. just as there are boys out there sporting a man’s attire, we have imposters on the woman’s side as well. So, the guys aren’t upset with a true independent woman, but rather her flunkie; her wanna be. This is completely understandable. And unfortunately, there is no way to show him what an independent woman is because much like good men, by the time the people who need to them they have stopped believing in their existence it is seeming too late because the indepedent women have given up.  But there is hope.. I know there is. Like I said above, if I havent let me viewpoint of a man change because of a few bad ones, I just ask that men not let their view of the independent woman be tainted because a few imposters just can’t get it right. Each person is an individual and independent of your past relationships and experiences…. this is my belief.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Freak in the Street, Lady in the Sheets?

In 200 Men Said.... on 10 January 2011 at 11:15 am

 200 Men Said…. #1       

        As a woman who is open about more things than people either think I am or would expect me to be, I have come across the double standard of being a woman and publicly talking about sex. When I stand on stage and present my comedy, people always laugh and often times a guy will step to me inappropriately afterwards based on what I mentioned. It made me wonder….do guys automatically think that the way I discuss sex in public would be the way that I behave in private? If so, then I may never talk about sex in public again.

        I am a very private person when it comes to my own sexual experiences, but I LOVE to talk about sex and its effects in a public setting. Conversation about the topic keeps me on my toes and it makes me analyze the views of others. I can see how my morals and philosophies measure up to someone with an entirely different background than myself. It is a source of freedom to talk about something that I keep private. It’s like a boys’ high school locker room, I too can talk about shit I’ve never done. I watch TV, I listen to the radio, and I have heard other people’s conversations….I would have to be dumb, deaf, and blind to not know the different aspects of sex, but that doesn’t mean that I have done those things just because I talk about them. The responses I get because I talk about them almost feel like a punishment for being so free, and then it doesn’t feel like freedom any more.

        I know that ALL males are not like the asses that come up to me, but there are more that are than those who are not and the squeaky wheel gets the oil, right? So, I went online to a sight that I visit and I asked 200 guys the following question:

If a woman openly discusses sex in public, do you automatically assumes she is sexually open in the privacy of her bedroom? If so, Why? “

        The responses were varied, yet it gave me an insight as to what a different array of males would think about the topic. Of course I cannot put all 200 responses on here but I picked the ones that I felt my ladies could get the most from. Here is how they responded:

  1. Coleman:  There is a particular idea that a woman who speaks about sex, politics or religion in public is not a lady. Very archaic at best! I believe that a woman who speaks about sex in public intellectually and candidly is a woman who is open-minded.
  2.  James F: no..most of the time women that talk about it don’t be about it…the really sexually open women discuss that privately with their partner and they just do their thing behind closed doors..she’s not gonna put her business on front street
  3. cdub7804: yes, because it would be foolish to clam up in private
  4. Ddouble R: no, i think that just means she’s open-minded.
  5. Aries Brotha: Not really. It has been my experience that some women just enjoy being open about sex, and sexuality. Sometimes it’s all about exchanging view. On the other hand it could be a test to see how mature the man is and what he is willing to open up about.
  6. Dezi: No because conversation is conversation. Why Assume when you can just ask.
  7. KP: No not at all. Just because you have a sexual discussion with someone doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them. Same rule applies in my opinion.
  8. Chuck K: Good question. I can say yes I would assume she’s sexually open in the privacy of her bedroom because talking about sex openly in public is saying to me she’s a confident woman and she knows what she wants. On the other hand she could be talking just to be talking
  9. Code Name Bigsexy: i would assume she is sexual and the fact that she would talk about it in public would make me think that she is an open book kinda woman
  10. Distinguished: No not at all. Sometimes a woman throws the topic out there to see who bites.
  11.  DJ Urban Cowboy: Not always… usually the ones that are the most open in the public are the hardest to get behind closed doors
  12. big slim: Yes because she is discussing it in public but its cool because I’m a very understanding person
  13. Black Kryptonite aka the KID: i wouldn’t assume that. sex is a common topic discussed among men and women. It would not only depend upon the nature of the discussion but how she addresses the topic as well. Who am I to judge?
  14. Delonte M: If she’s alright to talk about pussy, ass, penetration,etc. in public amongst strangers to hear. Why the hell wouldn’t she do everything she’s saying (and more) in her privacy?
  15. Anthony F: No I don’t. conversation is a lot different from actions.
  16. Black Griff: she better be

And my FAVORITE answer to the question came from:

  1. Cut From A Different Cloth: It depends on conversation, If you reveal a lot then, yeah, people are going to think you’re sexually open. The key is to tell enough without telling all. Some women don’t know how to keep the mystery.

        So, judging by Cut From A Different Cloth’s answer, it is okay for women to talk about sex openly, but it is the amount of information that is divulged during said conversation. I would think that it would be safe to make generalized comments about oral sex, and positions, etc…but personalized statements should be kept to a minimum unless you want guys following you home to see your kinky swing hanging in your kitchen. All in all, men are visual. We say something and they see it…the sex hormones get to raging and it is all down hill from there. So we have to take part , as women, in the responsibility of what information gets out there and not blaming it all on the men who sometimes respond inappropriately. Like CFADC said…..keep the mystery. That is a lesson that even I will take to the bank.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Think Like a Hoe… Act Like a Lady

In XX Edition: About the Girls on 23 September 2010 at 9:42 am

 

        For ages our mothers have taught us to always be a lady in the street, while magazines tell us to be freaks in the sheets….just to have a book tell us that the male ego can’t stomach the idea of his woman having had practice sexually before meeting him, thus making you undateable. I say….MAN THE HELL UP!  But those words wont get you into a meaningful relationship. So, I say….think like a hoe, but act like a lady.

        Popular belief would mix and match that very theory…. and I am highly aware that I did not just reinvent the atom here, but work with a sister will you. The reason women don’t really get along with one another is because of two very simple reasons:

1. She was once naive and some more experienced girl came along and blew her dreams out of the water and now she is weary of every female; Good Girl Gone Bad Syndrome

2. She was the loose girl in the group who would do what the others wouldnt but always couldn’t get the guy or the relationships that the others could; Hoe Gone Remorseful Syndrome.

        The reason why I don’t leave a female, even a friend, around my good man is because…”if the woman thought anything like I had to in order to get him…” , I’d have to kill her. Women are ruthless. They say that men are hunters by nature. Cute. We sent you all out into the woods while we hunted out which route we would take to capture you. We are architects of manipulation, sorry…but we are. Why do you think it takes us so long to get dressed? Even our outfits are battle gear preparing us to go out on the battlefield and attack the enemy in order for us to win the war. Make-up;war paint. Heels; couture army boots. Girdles, push-up bras, and spanks; camoflauge! lmao!!!!! Women, since the beginning of time, have been the baited traps that the guys fall for, and yet somewhere they thought that they were catching us when we were catching them….if I ruined anyone’s idea of this set up….my bad, your fault (stole that from my brother…lol. Thanks, Dre)

        Yes, Biblically speaking you are supposed to wait to be found…..but it is where you place yourself and how you behave that will get you found. CHURCH IS NOT THE PLACE TO BE FOUND!!!! Girl, people are supposed to be finding Jesus and not your cooking skills at the annual bake sale for choir robes. Clubs are not the place to be found. Between the Ciroc and dim lights, you have to wonder if his judgment is just in picking you. You can still follow the old adage of being found, but having control in how you are found. Notice I said how… not when… don’t hit me up complaining that you havent been found yet. That’s a personal problem.

        Athletic and Celebrity groupies have the right idea, but wrong execution. They hang out after all events, creep up to the hotel rooms, and try to get pregnant just to stake claim to the fortune of a celebrity. Some are successful but even then many never make it past the baby mama and jump off stage. Then you have the ladies who dress appropriately but shut out every single guy who doesn’t fit her criteria…..wrong idea, semi right execution. I say wrong idea is because you are supposed to experiment, find out what it is that you really like, plus experience REALISTICALLY what the world is willing to give back to you. The semi-right execution is in being honest with what you will and wont take and moving on to the next one if it doesn’t work out. So what would happen if we mixed the two? Maybe then we would get the girl who would place herself in intellectual settings, dressed appropriate, not allowing herself to be objectified while still maintaining her game face. Thinking like a hoe , but acting like a lady.

        I could be wrong, I doubt it…and again I know that I am not saying anything new. But honestly…. this technique needs to be used. Have that “larger than life” appeal about you that the groupies have, but then execute your approach like a deaconess and watch the guys become baffled over the fact that they cant figure out how to get you. They say they don’t like game… BULL….because as soon as you admit how you really feel they think that the chase is over and they retreat like soldiers on the outside of the Trojan horse. I think that I can appropriately call this the Lysistrata Movement. Or as Medea would say it, “Clink, Clink”. lol.

        As women, we have the urge to be sensual and sexual, men are not the only ones, but we must learn how to control that urge and remain ladies in trying to reach that ultimate relationship with a guy. Protecting his frail ego and our reputation go hand in hand…and once you forget one you lose the other as well. It is a balancing act that we must always keep in our heads. It must whisper to you like your bladder right before you get on a roller coaster.

        But then again….I’m single….so I may not know what I am talking about… but all of my friends’ boyfriends love the way that I calm down their women and get the ladies to see things from his perspective. So, there is that to think about too…..it is always the single woman who gets the man…hint hint. So maybe it wouldn’t hurt to listen to one in order to keep him. Just a thought. *Wink*

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Oh, SO You Nasty, Huh?

In Random Mannerisms & Thoughts on 17 September 2010 at 9:17 am

From the worst of America’s landfills to the Valentines Day Massacre, when walking into a women’s public restroom….you NEVER know what you will find next. I promise you that nothing ceases to amaze me at just how nasty these women can be.

        Yes, we have couches, full length mirrors, hand lotions, and the like…but I think that I’ve discovered their intended uses. The couch is to catch you when you faint from the multitude of stenches that emanate from under the stall doors and pimp slap your nostrils and destroy your comprehension of feminine. The full length mirrors are for the culprits to get a full scan of themselves before leaving the restroom and entering back into the population so that they may blend in effortlessly. And the lotion is for decoration. It just baffles me at what occurs in female restrooms.

          Guys, we ladies go to the restroom in groups for several reasons. We may need someone to hold the door in place because the lock doesn’t work and we don’t want our goods and the use of our goods on display to anyone who walks into the restroom. You may need someone to run and get tissue from the stall next to you because your stall is ill stocked. We need a double set of eyes to help view us before entering the public once more because of the sea of debauchery we have just encountered. And lastly, misery loves company.

        I work in a government office and when I tell you all the things that go on in here ….*inahle…exhale*….it makes you wonder how in the world could they run the country if they can’t even properly run water over their hands to wash them completely.  There are SES, colonels, majors, and highly paid government officials that visit this restroom on the floor in my building and you would think that I was in a high school bathroom rather than a federally secure building. The paper seat covers are there intentionally and for some reason these women think that the covers are optional. They walk right past them and plop their happy behinds directly on the seats that hundreds of other women before then have used. This makes me want to gag at the fact that even they don’t think that their Va-jay-jays hold much value. SMH.

        I’ve walked into a stall after someone else and almost had a heart attack. Once the floor was wet as if a 5-year-old boy was learning to aim and failed miserably, rather than the 40-year-old woman who just exited. I was tempted to do an Adam’s apple check but didn’t want to mess with anyone’s civil rights. And need I mention the several times these nasty females refuse…I mean BLATANTLY refuse…. to flush the toilet after using it. As if it is going to flush itself. I don’t need to know what you ate for lunch or that you need more water in your diet. WOMAN, THAT IS JUST NASTY!!! The seats never get wiped off for the woman who chose to forgo the aforementioned seat covers and squat over the seat, aiming horribly and spraying the entire seat and refusing to wipe it upon leaving. And the greatest offender is the woman who chooses to do #2 in the FIRST STALL!!! That goes against all rules known to man. You are never supposed to get that comfortable in the first stall… you do that in the last stall furthest from the door so no one is subjected to the inner workings of your colon! I need to write a book on this.. because these women kill me.

        But nothing kills me more than the continuous culprits who refuse to wash their hands. I once went to the restroom at a restaurant and a waitress came in after me, walks into a stall, doesn’t use it, comes out to fix her hair in the mirror, and leaves back out. I guess the look on my face attacked her conscience because she waited for me outside of the door to plead her case. She says, “I know you didn’t see me wash my hands, but I didn’t use the bathroom I was just changing my shirt (because they can’t have writing on their shirts).” I proceeded to tell her that she still went into the restroom where germs live and she should wash her hands regardless. She returned and washed her hands, rather too swiftly for me ,and says in passing, “You’re right, I did it.” There was also the woman who use to work in my office who once, when there were three females from my office in the restroom with her , chose to do #2, didn’t flush, and walked right out of the bathroom. We almost got sick together. She was the office baker, she loved to bake for people’s birthdays, etc. After that day, I promise you, we never ate a single thing she ever brought into this office unless it was store-bought and one of us opened it before her. Yet nothing will ever top the other woman in the office next to me who times her peeing perfectly to flush before you and damn near runs out of the bathroom so you can’t see that it was her who didnt wash her hands. And should you come out the same time as her…she literally turns the water on, counts to two, waves one hand under the water without soap, turns it off, grabs a towel to dry the one hand, and walks out of the door as if she successfully washed the bacteria off of her hands. What gets me is that these women who dodge you from catching them being nasty in fact KNOW they are being nasty and yet still go about with the same trifling behaviors. Why?!!!!!

        I speak with the cleaning ladies who have to clean up after these women daily and I feel so sad from them. If I were in fact that nasty at home, I would be too ashamed to do it in public. I would be on my best behaviors for the 8 hours I was at work and then save it for when I went home. I would even take into consideration the people who would have to clean up after me and decide to clean up after myself. But then again…. this is me.

        So fellas, before your girlfriend walks back to the table and feeds you food with her hands or puts her finger in your mouth flirtaciously…. check her hand to see if it smells like girly soap. Seriously!!! She could be telling you to kiss her ass via her hand. lmbo! And this is even at home after she comes back from the bathroom in the morning. You all could be harboring nasty women and not even know it because they look so dainty in front of you. I know because these nasty women in my office are married!!!! Those of us who wash our hands always apply lotion so that our hands wont get dry or appear ashy. SO smell her hand for soap or flowery fragrances. Hell.. even feel her hands because freshly wet hands are softer due to them having just absorbed moisture. I AM SO SERIOUS!!! Tell her that you think the smell of soap or lotion is mega sexy.. maybe this will prompt the nasty trick into washing her hands because she’ll never know when the next impromptu hand check will occur.

        And no apologies if you just read this and found it gross… this topic must be spoken about. Do you know that if I posted anything on the walls of our restrooms begging women to have better hygiene I could be fired for inappropriate/aggressive behavior, but these nasty women have the right to pass germs around the office, on elevator buttons, and door handles!!!!! That’s just wrong. So until I get more rights to protect my immune system, I’ll just continue to fake like I am on my cell phone talking to a friend as I LOUDLY complain about how nasty these trifling women are while standing next to a culprit at the bathroom sink. lol. Wash your hands tricks!!!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

What Happens in this House….:A Molestation Survivor Speaks

In So-Shall Experience on 8 September 2010 at 4:58 pm

WARNING: This is a very graphic and tough topic. Personal experiences and sexual references are made and PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

        Somewhere, in some part of the world, there is a little girl snuggled in her bed pressed against a wall, head under her pillow with just enough space to inhale for the breath holding ahead and to peek towards the door knob awaiting the return of her personal boogie man. Monsters Inc prepares children for the monsters who reside under your bed and in your closets, but what about the monsters who pin you down to the bed and force you and this secret into the closet….what then?

        I was one of those children, and I don’t know if I have ever stopped being one of those children. To this day, I sleep with my bedroom door locked, a privilege that was not granted to me living under his roof. I have escape routes out of windows in my house just in case an intruder were to ever invade my safe haven. Windows covered in complete darkness resemble the rooms I had growing up because our neighbor’s house was so close and he lived by the rule of thumb that “what happens in this house stays in this house.” Who was I to judge his authority?

(Screaming!) He molested me! *exhales* There, I said it…outloud. Who is this “he”, you ask?

        He was my father, Charles S Carter Jr, and he was the man who molested me from before I could remember until the courts took us away from him when I was 12 years old. People say that I look like him, but I still need a DNA test to even begin that process. He was an electrical engineer with several degrees who spoke several languages, and a normal relationship was as foreign to us as him speaking Korean to me in moments of battle. I was his daughter. His first-born, born from the love that he had once married to my mother, but I would come to learn that although I was not his favorite I would turn out to be Daddy’s Girl. Late night parent daughter talks, asthmatic lungs inhaling the stench of Newports from his chest as the weight of a grown man crushed my prepubescent body into a mattress for no other reason than I was female, easily accessible, and he had a disease that yearned to be fed. Daughter perched on daddy’s lap became a moment to talk about whatever popped up, as eyes were turned to the roaming hands of a step brother who idolized him and my flat chest at the same time. This is where I lived and died daily. I lived with a military man who swore to protect his country but protected the secret of his personal habit even harder. Just ask my crushed toes underneath the Army boots that were now stepping on my feet for not wearing socks or houseshoes…as if being his daughter wasnt punishment enough.

        I remember being punished just for breathing too loudly; popped in the mouth for the escape of a smack reaching his eardrum. A simple tug of his beard meant I was in trouble. One time, he hit me so hard in my tailbone that I lost control of my legs and urinated on myself all in one swift swoop, just to turn around and get a whooping for messing up the floor. A call from the teacher meant that I would have to strip in front of my father and walk the house butt naked and if he saw me ,and felt like it, then I would get a whooping right then and there. I became a master at silently turning door knobs better than he could and dodging in and out of bedrooms and hallway closets just to go to and from the bathroom in peace. Doing number two (pardon the graphics) was the only time I could be in the bathroom in peace without anyone entering.  Fingers entering openings to ensure “cleaning” because I was filthy, followed by my father laying me on the bed to towel dry me off and rub me from head to toe with baby oil. Slow grinding on me was common place. Adolescent hips popping out of socket under the weight of his grinding, hurting, caused me to try to push him off because talking would make him lose his concentration and bring whoopings. He never listened to my cries and held my hands down. There I was, learning the best lessons of male and female relationships from my father. How lucky was I to learn about the birds and bees from my own father? Every girl needs a father in the house, right?

        One day in church I just didn’t want to go back to his house. My aunt couldn’t make me if God told me to go back himself. I’d had enough. Sitting in the police station with male police officers giving me different toys to describe my fathers penis proved unfruitful; I didn’t trust males. They had no choice but to send me back. I got a whooping until I blacked out. My father took me to a therapist to save face…maybe she could figure out where I was “making these stories up”.

        Off of Carmichael Road in Montgomery, Alabama sat my therapist’s office. A soft-spoken caucasian woman who listened intently as my father sat on the other side of the door.  That is until the day she asked me to re-enact with Barbie and Ken what I told the police happened….so, I showed her. She opened the door and invited my father into the room so he could see too. I never spoke of anything again. And yes, you guessed it….I got a whooping until I had an asthma attack and he had to take me to Maxwell Air Force Base to the ER. This time my Aunt believed me and she fought for custody…but she still allowed him visitations until she passed away when I was 15. He came to her house for her funeral and sat in the kitchen and told ever male there not to be trusted around me because I would lie on them like I had lied on him. And he vanished into street legend. I never saw him, or the therapist ever again.

        My father followed me, in theory. I heard stories of him doing crack from friends in high school, but he had taught me the best lesson ever; Never let anyone make you feel like less of a person. I walked those halls of my high school as a virgin…because I was. Guys from all around wanted to be with the virgin and every single one failed. I wouldn’t willingly give myself to someone until I was in college. You see….I was molested, but he didn’t take my virginity.

        Every guy is not my father, nor am I searching for him in every guy that I date….but through all that I wrote above and more that I didn’t write….I was still a human. A demon like him couldn’t touch the best parts of me. He couldn’t reach them with all of his might because his intentions were wrong. My virginity had nothing to do with sex…my virginity was me, my mind, my free spirit, my determination to rise above where people keep putting me, and the favor that was placed over me even though I was entangled in a generational curse. He tried, but I walked out of his house and his presence with the hymen of my integrity and the mission over my life in tack.

        Today, he lives in Baltimore. He’s never been prosecuted, never been made to suffer for what he put me and others through. One day, and maybe soon… I will walk to where they say that he works and tell him that he couldn’t break me. He couldn’t make me feel less than a princess even though my father wasnt a king.

        This is a part of what I went through, but it is NOT who I am. It helped me make decisions about not showing my body to just any guy. You’ll never hear tales of me sleeping with different guys all in the name of love without being in love. You’ll never see pics of me plastered on the internet that show more of my assets than I am showing I am worth. And you will never hear that I’ve stopped breaking the silence. I was molested but I was never a victim. My virginity never has to be born again because it never died. I found strength through this. Dont get me wrong, I’d never go back a second time…. but I made it out, and THAT is something to be proud of. Where I came from does NOT determine where I will go.

       So, to anyone who has been through similar stories….today is not too late to realize that they had the problem and not you. We are of a sisterhood that many will never understand. I salute you and all of your wonderful glory. I stopped holding my father accountable for what he did to me and the effects it had on my life the day I last saw him….that is not my battle. It weighs you down, trust me. I try to find love as much as often in my daily activities…..today.. I love you. One day you will gain the strength to no longer be ashamed of your story…until then I will speak for you, I dont mind. What are sisters for, right?

        My prayer is that, just this once ,you listen to my father: What happened in your house, stays in your house…..including the pain and the shame. We’ve got other little girls to protect. No time for living in the past. Here, take my hand…..I’m with you as we walk out of our molester’s house. God bless!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

His House

This is the house where majority of it happened. On Pinebrook Dr in Montgomery,AL

%d bloggers like this: