~*2Deep*~

Posts Tagged ‘Fiancee’

Lyrically Speaking~ Marsha Ambrosius: I Hope She Cheats on You

In Lyrically Speaking on 14 March 2011 at 12:22 am

        Bitter bitches around the world could be heard slamming keypads to a point of no return as they Googled, Rhapsody searched, and iTunes bought Marsha Ambrosius’ ” I Hope She Cheats on You” from her album Late Nights and Early Mornings. Beyoncé’s “Put a Ring On It” deemed archaic…. I mean who wants that motherfucker now? NOT I!!! No, this song became the 2010 anthem as women purchased court side seats for their men as they pointed out just how nice Dwayne Wade’s ass looks in the middle of a lay-up.  Comments of  “I wonder if LeBron can take it to the hole for real” taunt him during half time. Yes, bitches!!! THIS IS WHY WE WATCH BASKETBALL!!!! Sports Center will never be the same. *Duh-nuh-nuh, Duh-nuh-nuh! lmao!

        I can see it now, Half-Time show brought to you by Bitter Bitches of America and sponsored by Midol. Performance by Marsha Ambrosius. All you hear are the snaps to the intro and out come these hooded figures snapping into formation, reminiscent of the Egyptian dancers in MJ’s Remember the Time. No one’s face is seen but Marsha as the formation is made behind her as she stands center court under a sole spotlight. All you can hear through the arena is:

Verse 1:
Ew whew ew whew oh oh
I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa.
Hope that she Kim Kardashian’ed her way up.
Don’t know the difference ‘tween a touchdown and a layup.
Got you on Viagra in order for you to stay up.

Pre-chorus:
I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her.
I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture.
Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby?
[Cues for mysterious dancers to drop their hoods]

Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh?

        CROWD GOES WILD!!!!  Hoods are flipped back and Shaunie O’Neal can be seen leading Royce’s choreography! Yes, that’s right people…the entire cast of Basketball Jump-offs, I mean Wives, are center court, booty popping to their new ceremonial anthem! Being careful not to slip on their own tears, glass of water, wine or beverage of choice that has been thrown Evelyn-syle as a symbolic statement of I HATE YOU BITCH, TRY ME. They are in perfect harmony  as the chorus breaks out amongst the arena speakers.

Chorus:
Well look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
Ew now that I’m without cha.

        Aw shit! Just when you couldn’t get enough of Gloria’s “That’s What’s Up” wrist twists and Jennifer’s forehead…not to be outdone, on runs the cast of The Game to show these bitches how it is really done! Go Tasha! It’s ya Birthday! Call Pookie! Go Pow, Pow! Go Janay, It’s Ya baby’s Daddy! Work It Med School! Work it! Work it! Get Low Kelly, like your bank funds! lmao Yes, Jazz choreographed this portion of the great display of bitter bitches! DO THE TSUNAMI!!!!

Verse 2:
I hope she cheat on you wit an NFL baller.
She ignores you every single time you call her.
Brand new Louis, gotta have it spend your money on her.
When you wanna hit it she actin’ like she don’t wanna.

Pre-chorus:
I may sound bitter, I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter because you were wit’ her.
I’m Salt Lake City, now I’m up on out the picture.
Remember how it was when I was wit’ cha baby?
Sex so good, do you remember oh baby? Sex so good do you remember oh? (Baby)

 

        Then they all join together as if Disney knew that this would be a musical. The cast from Glee! just itching in their seats to get up and join in a higher octave; judgment spewing from their eyes as if to say “Sit down , bitches, and let the professionals do it.” But it has already continued without them. This is Annette Funicello meets Lena Horne in Baldwin Hills directed by Tyler Perry. It is classic SNL Tom foolery in the key of broken-hearted! ENTERTAINMENT PEOPLE!!!! And a 5, 6, 7, 8,…..

Chorus:
Well look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.

Look at how it all turned out now.
Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
Ew now that I’m without cha.

 

        And true to Chorus Line form, they each take turns accenting a line from the hook as banners of who did them wrong are dropped from the arena ceiling along with Kim Kardashian’s pic just because the bitch made the song hot. And no one argues about her placement in the song because its true. And she could care less as long as the check clears! With a 1 and a 2 and…..

Hook:
She cute and all, but that won’t last forever.
What I had for you was so much better.
Yeah the grass ain’t greener on the other side of town.
Now look at how it all turned out now.
I’m a little bitter, just a little bitter.
But I’m doing better, ’cause we ain’t together.
You sorry excuse for somebody I was into.
Remember what it was when I was wit’ you?

Chorus:
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa.
Look at how it all turned out now.
Hope you feeling lonely baby now we’re not together.
Look at how it all turned out now.
I hope she cheat on you with a basketball playa. (so sad cheated on you wit’ a basketball playa)
Look at how it all turned out now.
Now that I’m without cha baby.

  

        And for the closing finale, their children run out on the court doing the stanky leg while their divorce lawyers throw business cards into the crowd via the t-shirt shooter. They all start to do the dramatic , yet sexy slow walk with finger snaps off the court as Marsha  ad libs. And just as they hit the exit, you can see Juanita Jordan giving high fives to the women as they head back to the dressing room where security can protect them from their exes……lmao. NeNe Leaks can be seen trying to get an interview from the sidelines.

Ad-libs:
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) heeeeyyyy yeah (x2)
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) saaaannnnggg yeah
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) Sing
(I hope she cheat on you)
I hope she cheat on you wit’ a basketball playa yeah.
Hope you feelin’ lonely now we’re not together baby.
Said I hope she cheat on you baby.

 

Yes….. this is how I envision it. This is how my head works. Dont judge me… you’re just mad because you didn’t think of it first! But serioiusly…. I am so glad that Marsha is back…and boy did she come back with a bang! You better believe that I am going to come back and review Far Away! This diva has us all wishing evil on our exes and his new girl…lol. But done so with a powerful voice that demands you pay attention and listen. Job well done, diva… I have NOTHING bad to say about this song.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

 

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200 Men Said….Let a Man be a Man

In 200 Men Said.... on 8 March 2011 at 12:02 am

        So, recently I wrote 2 blogs An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here] and [Click Here~>] Deuces Dos & Donts, and the answers that I got back from them had a lot in common; Let the Man be a Man. WTF!? I have no clue what that means. I am just being honest. People say it all the time, but is there a Wikipedia page about letting a man be a man? Is it different in different cultures? Should the woman go by her culture or learn what that means in her man’s culture? Can you upgrade it? Find it on Amazon? WHAT!!!? You can’t come at me all ambiguous and what not. Didnt you tell me that one of the things that women need to do is to communicate EXACTLY what we are thinking because you can’t read our minds? Guess what…this doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, what does it REALLY mean to “let a man be a man”?

        Okay…I’m a big girl, I can admit when I need help. So, I needed help trying to figure out what this meant. Because in all honesty, in woman code, this translates to “Shut up woman and fix me some food”. You might as well call me a bitch and put me in geisha make-up. The phrase almost implies that a woman has the power to stop you from being a man, which then suggests the question of “why should I be with you if I can stop you from being a man?”. No, don’t shoot the messenger… I’m just saying…this phrase is looking a little swiss cheese-ish to me.

        Well, when I hear it I speculate that he means that he needs to be in control at that moment, or that I have stepped on his manhood a little too much. That is all I can do….. speculate. But… I also think that there are several different ways to let a man be a man, and each one is a sign of how much of a man the woman is dealing with. For instance, my godmother has this way of politely saying my godfather’s name that will shut the sentence down and change the topic. She was letting him be the man, in my opinion, but not embarrassing him nor letting him embarrass himself. He still got to maintain his pride. I have never , and I mean NEVER seen her raise her voice at him. Now what goes on in the privacy of that bedroom when you hear her call his name politely down the hall….that is on them. I am sure they have had disagreements… I have never seen it. The one thing that I have caught by accident is when my dad left his wallet at home after she reminded him to get it, he didn’t. So we’re at the restaurant and he is entertaining friends and family and the check comes. My mother knew what was about to happen, and I saw her playing around in her purse and then she slipped her credit card under the table and into his lap under his hand without missing a beat. THAT was letting my father remain a man so that he could place the card on the table and pay the bill. But, in letting him be a man, she had to be a woman to see what was needed and assist him. I have a STRONG feeling that guys around my age don’t see that as the definition of Letting a Man be a Man. So I asked them.

I asked my 200 Men…..

On my last question I saw pretty much the same response. What does “let the man be the man” mean to you and what should a woman do, or not do, to let the “man be the man”? 

        And since I never read the comments until I come back through to edit the formatting of the post…. I have no clue what you are about to read. The 200 Men Said….

  • Danny P: All of this isn’t this complicated. When it’s right, the two involved in the relationship are who they are and the couple is still one. All this [means is] let [it] be [the way in] which [it] is… if [letting] the person be who they are is [them being a ] cheating fool or something… well uh duh
  • Allen Ozark:   ??? not sure.
  •  Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Its means, let the man think he’s in control even if you’re in control. Also, all duties that are designed for a man…let him do them even if you’re better. Eventually, if he’s a real man he’ll admit that you’re better at whatever and come to you for assistance, and rightfully so. [2Deep: This man never ceases to amaze me. But let him be in control even when he isnt…..isnt that lying? lol. Okay, Lie to my man. Check!]
  • DSMILEY1: Let the man be the man: in charge of houses chores like cutting the grass & washing the cars. Sometimes its good to switch out but [it] wouldn’t be the same
  • : !: it means if you have a Real Man, he leads the household in decisions..basically the King..but that doesn’t mean he is a tyrant. He should listen to advice from his wife and make good decisions. Basically, the way the Bible portrays it.
  • Lateef25:  maybe not nag so much about what you want. just tell him in a nice way or let it go
  • Kycajrome L: I believe [it] comes from the Old school archetype of when the Man was the provider and fixer of everything in the household…depending how a man was raised some still hold those values ,times are a little diff, but old or new ,Respect is what a MAN wants
  • on the rocks…: that statement is self explanatory.far be it for a man to explain what it is to be a man.especially to woman these days. they seem to have their own blueprint for us.lol ..check every 3rd female profile and it’ll have a laundry list of what a “REAL” man is

        Now you all know that I wasnt going to just STOP at some of these answers. So some side conversations came from them and they went a little something like this:

  • Vince V: I think that those answers are coming from men who feel insecure about their position in the household and basically wants the woman to run everything through him and let him have the final say so in what goes on in their relationship. when in my opinion a secure man who has good communication with his partner would trust his woman to be able to act as an extension of him to make good decisions with both his and her best interest at heart , but communication being the key. [2Deep: I simply love this answer…. he can stay…lmao]
  • Me: Sooooooooooo I noticed you said that a “woman to be able to act as an extension of him” What does that mean? And why cant it be the other way around? Just playing devil’s advocate here
  • Vince V: ok miss devil’s advocate….lol   Traditionally the man would always be considered the head of the household because he was the bread-winner. but as times have changed and women have become less dependent on men; whether it be cause of equality between men and women, or financial responsibilities within a relationship. the level of the playing field has evened out, and either one could be considered the “head”. but sticking with tradition, even though the field is even, with the male being the head; any actions performed by the woman would be considered “okayed” by the man, to anyone outside that relationship. which would mean she was just doing it for him cause he cant get to it. Now it can work the other way around but then that would not be a traditional type relationship, plus then you might  have a man with a really hurt ego about holding up the appearance of being the man of the house.
  • Me: Soooooooo what is a woman not suppose to do without her man’s permission?
  • Vince V: have sex with someone else….j/k lol   a woman doesn’t need her man’s permission to do anything….but a woman or a man in a good relationship keeps open lines of communication with each other. especially when decisions that are to be made affect one another.
  • Me: Okay….so to let a man be a man is to keep an open line of communication with him. That’s it? ( I swear you’re gonna get sick of me…lol) But I am trying to make sure that I understand before I post it.
  • Vince V: no, to let a man be a man is to let him run everything and make all the decisions and don’t question the things that he does. but i would personally like having the input of my woman in every decision that i make for us, and vice versa .
  • Me: How is THAT being a man?!!! That sounds like a dictatorship!!!!! OH I SWEAR YALL WILL BE SINGLE FOR LIFE WITH THAT ATTITUDE!!! lmao
  • that is just the way life has traditionally put men with women. but like i said, as for me ,i like having the input of my woman cause i feel like it keeps us closer and more in touch with each other
  • Me: Gotcha! No prob….. I thought that you had great insight… My readers should hear it. Oh.. wait.. my fault. I didn’t let the man be the man. *submits* am I allowed to put your comment on my page? lmao!

        Vince V was my favorite response, but I simply had to post my comments from Chub L. He keeps me cracking up and yet he still knows when to be serious. So here are his responses:

  • Chub L: Let the man be the man – let him get that door etc… Let him do for you what you shouldn’t have to do for yourself as his queen.
  • Me: That was your answer…. so what am I not suppose to do for myself as his queen?
  • Chub L:In the world that we live in today – It’s basically everybody for themselves, but my queen shouldn’t have to get her own door, ever. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I don’t have a problem with a woman’s independence at all. Whatever my independent queen will allow me to do for her is gravy. No qualms here. I’m open-minded – we can get the darn door for each other.
  • Me: So, it really is that important to a man to feel needed in a relationship? But is it just with tangible things? Does a man ever feel the need to be needed emotionally? Meaning, if she doesn’t want you to get the door but needs you to hold her every night… would you feel like less of a man?
  • Chub L: Being emotionally needed is even more of a necessity. The Queen needs for her king to not only be her rock while she’s awake -but to rock her to sleep and all the more rock her while she’s asleep. It is for the good of both. If my queen is kept happy then hence I will also be kept happy.
  • So, then… why do you think so much emphasis is placed on a man doing tangible things versus him being there for her in the emotional times?
  • Chub L : I haven’t got a clue – I can only speak for me – I do both. Many swear that what one does or demonstrates declares what they feel. That is true BS – we as human beings still need to hear and feel what mere tangible things can never satisfy.

        Soooooooo are you still as confused as I am? I don’t want to be alone, so don’t leave me out here alone on Confusion Island. I mean, I get it…. but I don’t get it. So, as long as I allow my man to do “things” for me, then he feels like a man and all is gravy. So, I shouldnt have to touch a door in the presence of a man, pull out a chair, or cut my grass ( I don’t know, so I am halfway there), and let him make all of the decisions. I have a feeling that there is a gray area here that is in need of a dye job. It can’t be that friggin simple. So if I live by these few rules I am allowing my man to be a man? SWEET!

        Okay, all jokes aside. I think it all boils down to respect. Do I respect my man to hear him out when he verbalizes his needs? Do I validate him when needed? Does he have an equal part in this relationship? I think THAT is where his concerns lay. Anything else is a dictatorship and it isnt going to happen over here. Respect for Respect should be the basis on which this blog should be concluded to. And Scene.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Lyrically Speaking: Keri Hilson~ Intuition

In Lyrically Speaking on 28 February 2011 at 12:13 pm

        A man’s arch nemesis has been and will ALWAYS be a woman’s intuition. I think it was apart of the deal when he snatched Adam’s rib. His rib contained 10% of Adam’s DNA which was a divine tracking device and lie detector. It lets the woman know when something isn’t right even when she can’t quite put a finger on it. I can’t describe it, but it is the oddest feeling in the entire world. She could just be sitting there when all of a sudden something tells her to call her man…..while on the other side of town he is getting his freak on with her best friend. Yes, it is like a face off between Batman and the Riddler. It is just this feeling…..

        And as I thought about this topic… one of my favorite songs came to mind. Keri Hilson’s “Intuition”. Yes, this song just screams “I am woman, hear me roar. I know you did wrong, negro don’t play me. Now pack your shit and bounce.” hahahaha I don’t know if that was her intention when she wrote it, but that became my subtext when I heard it. I think it is all even, right? I mean… I know for a fact that EVERY woman pleading Intuition isn’t on the right path, but for the other 99.999999% of us who listen to our intuition for the right reasons, we are hardly ever wrong. A wise woman once told me that our intuition is God snitching on the universe. What an image, right…. but it works. So I go with my gut feelings majority of the time and I am right.

        Now this song has a taste of both Indian and Asian instrumentation to it, and I think that would be a great place to start with my interpretation of the video.

        I think that the video should start with Keri asleep in bed. As her man grabs the keys off the dresser and you see the door closing behind him.

“Intuition”

Whoa [3x]

Hey hey…

Keri pops up in bed and begins to look around. She leans over and looks out the window as she sees him backing out of the driveway.

[Chorus]
I got this crazy feeling
I’m gone be single again
I know it, I can feel it
I know you gone mess up

        Keri gets out of bed and walks to throw on an Asian designer trench coat with a fidora, glances in the mirror by the front door, grabs her keys and hops in her car.

Wow, you really turn me on
So I, I really hope I’m wrong [whoa]
It would break my world If you ain’t true to me, yea
But I’m not the silly girl I used to be
And I Know how it goes yea

       She comes to a light and sees his car outside of a massage parlor. Shot switches to her walking through the parlor looking for her guy. She catches him getting a massage in one of the rooms and she rubs her hands down his back. He pops up to look around but Keri is gone and in her car back home

[Pre-Chorus]
Dude’s out here think they slick
Got a lot of girls on they (dadadadada)
And they can’t say no
Steady telling me they ain’t you
I’ma wait to see what you gone do
Hope you know you got a good thing, yea

[Chorus]
I got this crazy feeling
I’m gone be single again
I know it, I can feel it
I know you gone mess up

I got this crazy feeling
I’m gone be single again
I know it, Its gone happen
I know you gone mess up

       Fast forward technique to push the story ahead a few hours. Scene stops at Keri fighting with a guy while she is wearing a kimono. The fight is brief and he walks out of the house. With Keri walking along the window of the house. Shot cuts to Keri walking along the glass window of an Asian restaurant with her “guy” sitting at a dinner table obviously waiting for someone for dinner. She is on her Inspector Black Chick trying to get a better view of him. The entire restaurant is filled with guys sitting at tables by themselves with an all female staff.

I, I love the way we fight so
So, I hope this is all in my mind (hope it’s in my mind)
Baby don’t you know
It would break my world, if you ain’t true to me yea
But I’m not the silly girl I used to be
See I know how it goes

       The servers in the restaurant and random  staff members throughout the dining area join in for choreography. Some women are private detectives with cameras and notepads. The servers are performing choreography around the guy’s table that they are servicing, every guy but Keri’s. The servers collect glasses, and utensils CSI style and places them in an evidence bag, placed back on the serving tray and exit the dining area.

[Pre-Chorus]
Dude’s out here think they slick
Got a lot of girls on they (dadadadada)
But they don’t say no
Steady telling me they ain’t you
I’ma wait to see what u gone do
Hope you know you got a good thing cause I,

[Chorus]
I got this crazy feeling
I’m gone be single again
I know it, I can feel it
I know you gone mess up

I got this crazy feeling
I’m gone be single again
I know it, Its gone happen
I know you gone mess up

 

        Then you see everything go pitch black, when a spotlight pops up over one guy like an interrogation lamp. Keri walks up to the two-way window and her silhouette is seen dancing directly in front of her guy. Snippets of individual female detectives come into the light surrounding him.

Your gonna get too comfortable (you gone mess up)
Gonna want something new babe (you gone mess up)
Your gonna be just like the rest (you gone mess up)
It’s gonna be you babe before me

         They release him and he is free to leave. Keri is seen in a designer trench coat walking behind him out of the police station.  He gets to his car and pulls off before her. She runs to her car and speeds off.

I trust my heart, broke down my guard
I worked so hard to take good care of you

I trust my heart, broke down my guard
I worked so hard, I hope it ain’t true

       Keri begins to say this next part into her rear view mirror. She pulls up next to him, glances over, and then runs through a red light and he stops. She makes it home before him.

Look at me
You wanna miss all this?
Go ‘head
Bring that back
Whoa [3x]

        As he reaches for the front door, Keri opens it in her Kimono and takes his hand to lead him upstairs.

 

It’s in my mind
Whoa [3x]
Hope its in my mind

        There is a pan in shot of a photo in her bag of him sitting at the table in the restaurant by himself and then a figure of a woman fades into view in the chair across from him. She has on a fidora to cover her face and the video ends.

        Yeh…I know. Wild and all over the place. But this has that Carmen San Diego feel about it. A woman detective going on a hunch. That inner voice telling her that something isn’t right. And though she may not have the proof… it’s there. So, that was my take on it…. did you like it?

       Check back tomorrow when I ask my 200 Men about the 2 things they wish that women would stop doing. How does that tie into intuition? Well, we already know as women what we want guys to stop or start doing…so why not hear from them. Maybe these are the things that make them misbehave which in turn peaks our intuition.  [Will insert Link here]

        Scroll Down to leave a comment or read comments. If you are on the Homepage, click the title of this individual blog to see or leave a comment.

Sincerely,

*My Mother’s Daughter*~

200 Men Said….An Independent Woman’s Place

In 200 Men Said.... on 22 February 2011 at 12:02 am

        So, while on Twitter I asked some of my female followers to hit me up with questions that they wanted my 200 men to answer and I have several questions to ask until I die…lol. But one was in reference to the place of an independent woman in a relationship. Other questions trickled from that one question, but this post will be specifically about an independent woman in her relationship.

*Cues Ne-Yo‘s Miss Independent* or read yesterday’s blog Lyrically Speaking:Lyfe Jennings~Hero [<~Click to Read]

        Often times we hear how you have to be an independent woman, learn to stand on your own two feet, don’t rely on a man because all men are dogs yadda, yadda, yadda. Then on the flip side, we must learn how to Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man. How can I when no one is wanting to give up the man code? lol. Just kidding. But in all seriousness…. the world, right on down to the Bible thumpers, would have you believing that in order to be in a committed relationship you must relinquish your feminine family jewels and trade them in for a hot stove, bare feet and Kate plus 8. How 50’s is that. My last name is NOT Stepford. So, are we allowing the world to tell females everywhere that they cannot excel in order to make a man’s ego feel at ease just to have a relationship? I hope not, because then I am going lesbian.

        There has to be a balance, right? There has to be a time where a woman can handle business like a strong and independent woman during the day and be able to submit to her man. Notice I said submit.. not bow down to, not stand behind, not be belittled by. I left my father’s house because I was grown… I BE DAMNED if I go into another man’s house and feel as if I can’t be the strong person that MY FATHER raised me to be in opposition of many of these knuckle heads. So, you actually have the good fathers to blame…lol. And yes, I know I am exaggerating, but if the exaggeration can be handled then everything else will be cleared up in its path as well.

So…. 200 Men were asked:

 Often times black women are made to feel bad for being independent women. Do you think that there is a place for an independent woman in a relationship w/ a man or does she have to change? 

        Ladies, back away from anything that has breath and high levels of testosterone. TRUST ME on this one. I havent even read the comments yet, I never read them before I write my part, so I have no clue what is going to be said.

My men responded with:

  • DSMILEY1: I like independent women because it makes us grow faster & makes life easier on choices we make together
  • Chub L: There is nothing wrong with being independent, but also allow a real man to be the man. Hey it’s truly a new day in our wonderful society for different levels off independence, but chivalry does not have to die in order for independence to live.
  • Kycajrome L: I almost want to say this is a silly question but, I know better, LOL so i’ll say if  [you’re] independent you won’t feel bad about being you (with out an attitude)…if some else can’t handle it….
  • MIAMI’S SON IS BACK !!!:  are u serious !! you took the time to ask me that dumb ass question!! but its called self-esteem, meaning the esteem of ones self. so if you have to ask that question, then your not independent !!!! your a poor excuse of a person [2Deep: I had to rip him a new one separately. Funny how people assume that all of these questions are personally mine. I have women sending me questions on Twitter, and even if someone asks, it could be for research purposes and it doesn’t make them dumb.. like this ass! That’s why I am not going to correct his grammar errors. Because if you’re going to call someone else dumb you might want to know how to use “you’re”…lmao!]
  • !: Never a problem for an independent woman being in a relationship but when it comes to the household, she needs to realize the man is the head of household, it’s a reason God set it that way…just like in all other species. You [can’t] have 2 leaders.
  • dorrance: yes but u have 2 make time for each other if not then, no, it wont work
  • DJ Urban Cowboy: I don’t think any [man] wants a woman who can’t support herself. There is little room to flaunt or boast your independence. If  [you’re] so independent that you have to boast about it, then you don’t need your man.
  • Marcel: If a woman would allow herself to be made to feel in such a manner because of her independence then that is not at all a woman. A woman knows what its is in which she desires, wants and deserves.
  • Code Name Bigsexy: THERE IS ROOM.BUT I THINK THE WOMAN STILL HAS TO LET THE MAN BE THE MAN
  • Vince V: Yes there is a place for her. as long as she is not always throwing it up in the mans face like she doesnt need him for anything and vice versa. because that would be a lie. to make a “relationship” work it takes 2 people, being there for each other mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. and no neither person should have to change period unless they want to for some reason. i embrace the independent black women. i think that Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx, and Fabolous state it best in Ne-Yo’s “Independent Remix”

 My FAVORITE ANSWER CAME FROM:

  • CHRIST- O: I DONT WANT A WOMAN THAT CANT STAND ON HER OWN. AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN HAS A GLOW ABOUT HER THATS WHY SHE STANDS OUT IN A CROWD. TWO INDEPENDENT PPL MAKE A GREAT COUPLE.

Get your glow on ladies!!!

Okay… so I lied.. I ended up reading this one as I was going back and editing. I love this one too:

  • Prestige “The One And Only”: She never has to change, a real woman will never have to compromise who she is naturally. Independent, stubborn, opinionated…is sexy and a black woman will and should remain such while still being able to allow a man to play his role as a provider.

(This comment sparked another question that will come up in a future blog. [Will post link Here])

        And of course, when a response catches my attention, I have to jump in and get clarification. So I began a conversation below:

  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I know I’m late on this one but I had to really think on it… I don’t think there is anything wrong with an independent woman in or out of a relationship but I don’t think some woman should get into a relationship if they just feel like they don’t want someone they can lean on when they need too. Some women take it to a certain level that can sometimes make their man or anybody feel unnecessary…. Just for example, sometimes the simplest thing like allowing a man to open a door for them… I have experienced women who actually give off an attitude when I have tried to do things like that… And I’m like “Wow, you don’t even want your door opened? That makes you less independent?” And I just think women go overboard with the “Independent Woman” thing.
  •  Me: How are they going overboard?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: They are going overboard because they are starting to take men being polite and chivalrous as trying to impede on their independence. 
  • Me: Oh okay, so how does it make you feel when a woman does that? And how can she be independent and make her man feel validated at the same time?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Everybody wants to feel needed by the person they are with and any real man would be impressed with a woman who can handle her own but if she makes him feel as though he is unnecessary that’s when it gets to be a problem… It’s the simple things… let him open a door, lift a box, yes a woman can do it for herself but a gentleman should never let her. I’m begging women in my life now to do their part in reviving and keeping chivalry alive.
  • Me:  So it makes you feel needed? And you like doing those things? Do you ever think to give her emotional support too? Or must it always be tangible things?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: I’m not in a relationship now… but when I was I was more than capable of giving emotional support… but try giving that to a woman who feels like she being babied if a man is just concerned about her. For example I may say “baby are you alright?” because I sense something is wrong with her… her response may be something like “don’t worry about me I’m gonna always be ok… So what am I here for if I don’t or can’t do anything for you?
  • So, That is a testament to the type of woman who you chose to be with… that is NOT an independent woman. That is a dysfunctional female…lmao!
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Well when they are addressed they identify themselves as independent woman… and if that the case I would hate to view every woman who came off  “overly independent” as “dysfunctional women” But I will if I have too…LOL Now on the other hand if you are implying that “independent women” as a whole have perfect balance we would have to agree to disagree and I would do so purely from my personal experiences.
  • Me: I disagree because a person who must announce does not or is not. You don’t go around on a daily basis shouting “I’m a Man!” So, if she feels she is truly independent people will tell her, but you will never hear her cast that title on herself. It is the imbalanced and dysfunctional females playing dress-up in a real woman’s clothing that feel the need to shout how independent that they are. Because, in all honesty, an independent woman can’t wait for a man… THE RIGHT MAN…to come along and compliment her strength. When she feels safe enough, she will hand him her entire load and gladly let him have it so that she can be power woman at the office and a catered woman at night. So again… we mustn’t let our experiences overshadow the facts of the matter. If I let my experiences with dudes overshadow the facts of what a man is supposed to be…..we wouldnt even be having this conversation. So I’ll continue to separate dogs from men if you promise to separate faux females in dress-up mode from independent women. Because Independent woman does not mean independent from the love and support of a man, it means she is independent from the stereotypes placed on her by association with her gender and excels in spite of barriers.  Capiche?
  • Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Capiche! You have my word and trust I’m not saying that I don’t have hope that I will one day find a woman of that caliber I just can’t speak on what hasn’t happened… But my eyes, heart and mind are open the very possibility of that opportunity…
  • Me: Until then… you can’t say that you have come in contact with an independent woman then. You have come in contact with women who are trying to prove that they are independent and failing miserably. lol

         And then it hit me….. these guys are responding the way that they are because there are imposters out there wearing an Independent Woman’s clothes! Yes…. just as there are boys out there sporting a man’s attire, we have imposters on the woman’s side as well. So, the guys aren’t upset with a true independent woman, but rather her flunkie; her wanna be. This is completely understandable. And unfortunately, there is no way to show him what an independent woman is because much like good men, by the time the people who need to them they have stopped believing in their existence it is seeming too late because the indepedent women have given up.  But there is hope.. I know there is. Like I said above, if I havent let me viewpoint of a man change because of a few bad ones, I just ask that men not let their view of the independent woman be tainted because a few imposters just can’t get it right. Each person is an individual and independent of your past relationships and experiences…. this is my belief.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

Lyrically Speaking: Lyfe Jennings~Hero

In Lyrically Speaking on 21 February 2011 at 12:02 am

        I searched high and low for a song that I thought would speak of a woman’s worth that was not sung by Maxwell or Alicia Keys. I also wanted to mix that with a song that sang of an appreciation for an independent woman who was not put to a rap beat or came within ten feet of Destiny’s Child or Ne-Yo. So one day, listening to my Rhapsody playlist I came across one of my favorite singers, Lyfe Jennings, and his song Hero. Eureka! This is what the juggling of one’s balls must feel like… because I got a great feeling in my happy place when I heard this song. I thought…. this is as subliminal of a message as you can get when it comes to being an independent woman.

        Tomorrow you will get to read my blog about what 200 Men Said…. An Independent Woman’s Place [<~Click Here to Read]….but today I wanted to celebrate her. I wanted to celebrate the independent woman free of a bitter bitch anthem and really vibe out to her without even saying the words “independent woman”…well, outside of this intro.  Because a REAL independent woman does, a wannabe shouts about it. You will NEVER hear a REAL independent woman claim the title, but everyone else will call her one. It is in the core of who she is and everyone around her can feel her independent power and never feel negated by that power. And I wanted to celebrate her with a Lyrically Speaking song that many may not have heard;I think that Lyfe did a wonderful job in capturing that.

        I see the opening of the video very reminiscent of a Superman meets Clark Kent moment. She should start in her Clark Kent stage with her hair down, cute little house dress via Victoria Secrets. Nothing kinky looking but short and regular but still seductive in nature. Think, her wearing his button-up or his college football jersey, etc.  The shot should be Lyfe sitting at the kitchen table finishing off dinner as he starts singing and then gets up to put his plate in the sink walking directly up behind his “Hero”. And he should grab her and maaaaaaybe give her a pelvic thrust on the last line.

Verse 1

Superman can’t cook chicken like this, (this)*
And Wonder Woman can’t french kiss, (kiss)
Aladdin only gave me one wish (wish),
That’s yo body

 

        She playfully pushes him away  and starts to back up because she knows where this is heading. Lyfe follows and presses her up against the wall just as he says the last line.

Spiderman don’t forgive me when I’m wrong, (wrong)
Batman don’t look good in that thong, (thong)
Catwoman don’t keep me rock this long (long)
That’s yo body

         Then I think that he should stay still as she leaves from under him. He then turns and leans on the wall where she once was as there is a speed reel like in Adam Sandler’s movie CLICK where he presses fast forward and everything but him speeds up. His “Hero” is shown getting the kids ready for extracurricular activities like football and karate practice, leaving to take them and returning. Leaving to get groceries, and returning with bags. She drops one in fast mode and “Regular Speed” Lyfe catches the bag and sets it on the counter. She’s even seen cleaning the house and putting the kids to bed before it comes back to regular speed as she is closing the door to the kids’ room; throughout this Lyfe is walking regular speed.

[Chorus:]
It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here
With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty
It’s the hero song everybody sing along.
You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name,
The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away.
You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray,
The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.

        She is seen walking seductively down the hallway headed towards Lyfe who is sitting at a keyboard. She places a bowl of soup on the table next to him right before she straddles across his lap and they are looking into his each other’s eyes before they kiss. Lyfe picks her up and walks over to the bed and gently lays her down as the shot pans beyond him to the window to watch the sky change from night to day.

Verse 2

Wolverine can’t cheer me up when I’m sad, (sad)
Captain America can’t slow dance, (dance)
Hulk can’t make a boy feel like a man (man)
That’s Yo body

Aguaman can’t work a job with two kids, (kids)
Iceman can’t cook soup when I’m sick, (sick)
Wonder Twins don’t know how to work this stick (stick, stick)
That’s yo body

[CHORUS]

It’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) it’s an angel down here
With no wangs, it’s a bird, (it’s a bird) it’s a plane, (it’s a plane) short shorty
It’s the hero song everybody sing along.
You are my hero (hero), you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name,
The greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away.
You are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray,
The greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away.

        As the view pans back out Lyfe is laying in bed by himself asleep as she walks into view fully dressed for work but now she is in Superman mode; hair in a bun, power suit, and heels with brief case. She shakes him and walks out of the room. Now every shot her “Superman” outfit changes. She gets to the hallway to call for the kids and she looks like a Doctor, walks into the kitchen to hand them their lunches and she now looks like a police offer. Walking to the front door she looks like a waitress. By then Lyfe has made it there and given her a kiss and as the shot goes to her pulling back from the kiss in front of the open door.The next shot is her outside as she closes the front door to head to the car as a pregnant stay-at-home mom.

Up and away (up and away) off to work she leaves,
back at four thirttttttty, we’ll make love till we fall asleep,
when we wake up, she’ll put on that cape again,
me and my hero, me and angel, me and my girl and my best friend.

Lyfe goes into the kitchen and pours himself a bowl of cereal and walks into the family room and sits on the couch during this next few bars.

You are my hero (hero) you don’t need a costume everybody knows your name,
the greatest hero (hero) you can make me feel good even when your miles away,
you are my hero (hero) you can make the sun shine even when the sky is gray.
the greatest hero (hero) one kiss from your lips and all my troubles fly away. (yeah)

        Just as he sits, his “Hero” is seen walking into the house with the 3 kids running past her, no longer pregnant. She stops in the doorway and she undoes the bun in her hair as Lyfe calls her into the family room where Captain America & Friends is on TV. She is now back in the same mode that she was in at the start of the video; loose hair, glasses, and comfortable cute house dress with footy socks. She sits down & cuddles next to him and he hands her the bowl of cereal and wraps his arms around her as the song goes off.

Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing along
Shorty this the hero song, everybody sing …
Shorty this the hero song everybody sing along,
Shorty this the hero song, thank you for singing along

         Yeh…. if I had a say so in the video…. that is EXACTLY how I would direct it. I think it tells a tale of how the every day woman can, in fact, be a hero. These are the unsung independent women that don’t seek praise nor boast about their independent power, but they are independent women just the same. I don’t know Lyfe’s intentions when he wrote the song, but I am in LOVE with it. It is my own personal anthem because this is the kind of woman who I am and would like to continue to be. So, I salute Lyfe for this song and I salute the true independent women who don’t apologize for being the women that they are because they don’t have to. And that is said without attitude or pride. Dont get that confused with the need to shout your independence from the mountain tops running all the good men away. Or feeling that you need to shout it to get a strong man to want to be with you. Trust me, wannabes…..if you shut the fuck up… he will come. lmao! And that is all I have to say about that.

These are gonna be the longest 3 years. But we’ll be here waiting for your return Lyfe. God bless!

P.S. Scroll down the page to post a comment or to read comments

P.P.S. If you are on the homepage, Click on the title Lyrically Speaking to go to the actual page.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

 

Lyrically Speaking: India Arie~Talk to Her

In Lyrically Speaking on 7 February 2011 at 12:16 am

        Sitting peacefully in my office, supposedly being productive when Pandora hits me with the gift of Neo-Soul‘s Past; India Arie‘s Talk to Her. I could have jumped up and belted this entire song out loud in my office without caring what anyone thought of me. Yes, this song spoke to my soul and I was prepared to be escorted out of the building by Federal Police. This was truly worth it. I immediately searched for the mp3 on the internet and placed it on repeat. I have a feeling that this CD will be played when I get home and immediately placed on my mp3 player.

        Why the excitement? Well… its India Arie! I can remember how I was first introduced to her and I became hooked and have bought every CD since. Not the iTunes….no, the CD!! I just have faith that every time I buy an India Arie project I will be able to listen to it from start to finish without complaint and that faith is bigger than a mustard seed. And I have to tell you, I have NEVER been disappointed. EVERY project is my favorite. SO much so, I had to stay away from her when she came to Busboys and Poets in DC because I didn’t want to hug her and get arrested like a crazed groupie. I was more than that… I was a supporter. Yes, ever since the day my little hippie friend Erin and her dark brown hair and glasses told me to listen to Brown Skin, I was hooked. Of course I wanted to know what a little white girl knew about Brown Skin, but she told me that her friend in Atlanta heard her and she wondered if I knew. Well… I didn’t and I felt excited that she had told me.

        The very first time that I heard this song I pictured that India Arie was a teacher in a class and the students were all teen black males & females. This song would be the lesson of the day. Essence and Vibe magazines would be the text books on every desk. Lyrics to the song would be written on the board, college lecture style. It would be a modern-day Lean on Me. Yes, I can picture it….or something like it. What if…..

        The video would start off with India Arie walking down a row of desks placing the last of the “text books” on the individual desk  in preparation for the arrival of the students back from lunch and/or recess. While singing she places the last book and then walks to write the topic “Talk to Her” on the chalkboard. A disagreement between a boy and his girlfriend comes into the shot and India walks over to the window.

Chorus:

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to you mama
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        When she gets to the window and raises the window up even higher and sticks her head outside. The girlfriend storms away crying and India grabs the arm of the boy and sings the first verse to him.

Verse 1
Now when you got to her speak truthfully
Be honest as you can be, from your heart
You’re in a situation, where ya losing patience
Take your time and look her in the eye
When you just can’t find the words you want
And it’s hard to reach the point
Where you both can understand
Don’t just tell the truth
But,Tell the whole truth
It’ll make a better man outta you

        She gently touches his face and closes the window. Then in the background you see girls jumping rope and they become the background singers for this part. The guy apologizes and they make up.  The Bell rings and everyone heads into the school towards the end of the chorus.

Chorus:

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        Scene switches to India Arie walking down the school halls. Girls wearing short skirts can be seen with guys whistling and attempting to pull up their dresses. India jumps in to correct the situation….. Words are spoken to both the boys and the girls to prove her point.

Verse 2:

It doesn’t matter if she’s wearin
A mini skirt or a business suit
Whether she’s 25 or 99
Treat her the way your mama taught you to
She could be the Queen of Sheba
She could be a school teacher
Home maker or a lawyer
I think it’s good for your Karma
If when ya talk to her…

        Female teachers open class doors to join in ask the chorus is being sung. They usher the students into the classrooms leaving India in the halls by herself.

Chorus:

When you talk to her, talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        India can be seen walking past a boys’ and girl’s restroom and them comes to a stop underneath a clock with hands that are speeding up the time of day and to suggest that times are changing.  She continues to walk towards the auditorium.

Verse 3
Now let’s keep it real
Nothing in this world could ever exist
Without it’s opposite
There has to be a sun and moon
A man and a woman
And that’s just the way it is
Humanity’s lop sided
And everyone’s fightin’
How do we restore the peace
Mother earth is hurtin’
And everyone is searchin’
For the feminine energy

        The doors of the auditorium open to the students being adult men and women. India goes and takes her place standing in her place as a teacher, much like that scene in Lean On Me where the teachers stood in the isle. She has an envelope in hand.

Chorus:

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody else to talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah)
Don’t get smart with her have a heart to heart
With her just like you would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You gotta live with it everyday
She’s somebody’s baby
She’s somebody’s sista
She’s somebody’s mama

        The camera would pan over the “students” matching each line of the Vamp. A brother stands up to fight when a guy says something to his sister, you see usual teen behavior at an assembly; paper throwing, joking, etc.

Vamp

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody to talk to your mama
Just like you fight for your sister
If you knew that somebody dissed her
How you gonna care for your daughter
Turn around and talk bad about her mama
Same way you listen to your auntie
Never interrupt while she speaks
Make your words sweet like candy
As if you were talking to your granny yeah

        The male principal is on stage speaking as he looks up and locks eyes with India. He smiles, continues the speech to the “students”. This would even be an amazing time to have cameos from the Lean On Me cast…lol

If you really love her then (say so)
If you really need her then (say so)
Love the way she thinks (say so)
You love the way she speaks (say so)
When you need some good conversation (say so)
Say so (say so)
If you want her in your life (say so)
You want her to be your wife (say so)
Tell her she’s your best friend (say so) (alright)
You’ll be there to the end (alright)(say so)

        Camera pans in on India looking at the envelope in her hand which is suggested to have been a resignation letter and she tears it in half.  Principal dismisses the students and seen goes to everyone filing out of the auditorium and leaving the school building. One of the other female teachers playfully hits her as she walks to the curb.

If you’re thinking about leaving (say so)
If you wonder where she’s going (say so)
If you need to breathe with her (say so)
You just want to be with her (say so)
If you love her hair (say so)
If you want her there (say so)
Tell me if you really want her (say so)
You wanna slap her down (say so)
Say so…
(You better not hit no woman, you done bumped yo’ head)
If you feel like loving (say so)
If you wanna feel the hugging (say so)

        A car pulls up and in the driver seat is a man who she leans in and kisses on the cheek and the car pulls off.

        Yeh…. that’s exactly how I pictured it. But who am I…. just a borderline obsessed fan.. and I mean that in the MOST respectful, “no restraining order needed” kind of way. I think that India, in all of her beauty, both vocally and physically would make my vision so beautiful. But she needs no help in that department. I pray she is as strong and direct and humble as I perceive her to be. I see God in her….And that is all that I have to say about that. Enjoy!

P.S.~ Check out my other post called 200 Men Said…. Oedipus’ Words. It is apart of my 200 Men Said…. series where I asked the men if they’ve ever said something to a woman that they wouldn’t want anyone to say to their mother. The answers will surprise you.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*

A “Loc” on Intimacy

In Cupid & Other Myths on 4 January 2011 at 10:51 am

        

         “I WISH A NEGRO WOULD TOUCH MY HAIR AFTER I GOT IT DONE! “ is heard being yelled from a gaggle of African-American females at a brunch. “He better go get a white girl for that” is the follow-up by the freshly done, mohawked co-signer giving cliché snaps and hi-fives in my imaginary scenario. Yet, imaginary or not….at least ONE African-American sister reading this nodded her head in agreement at the reality of such statements before reaching the sentence about it being a made up scenario. We live here. Somewhere between I Wish A Nigga Would Blvd and Madame CJ Walker Ave where it has become okay for our crown and glory to remain nothing more than a show piece head-dress to be paraded in front of our kings like an artifact in a museum; on display but not to be touched. How’d we get here?

        Did we get to this point from the hours upon hours of sitting next to the stove in the kitchen smelling dinner cook as your mom threatened to burn your neck if you didn’t lean your head all the way to the side as Blue Magic sizzled in your ear? Or was it the reoccurring echo of your mother yelling, “Dont let anyone play in your hair while you are at school” that has somehow follow you into adulthood, long after the threat of lice were gone?  Or was it the old wives tales that your hair carries energy and not just anyone should be playing in your hair like it is recess? Whatever the case may be, if your man is good enough to play all up and through your candy land….why can’t he play in your naps? It sounds so silly once I put it that way doesn’t it? You can sleep with me, but don’t touch my hair. I mean, if we told inner city girls that they needed to care for their bush as much as they do their…well..bush, we may have more virgins in the world and cut down on the world population. Why can a man have sex with us… but can’t touch our hair? Strange…..very , very , strange.

        Knowing the Black woman better than she knows herself ( yes, I’m black), I know for a fact that no matter how liberal she may think that she is… she would rather vote Palin in office with Bush as her VP and McCain as Secretary of Defense before she would ever want to see a Black man with a White woman. It is fact. Even the liberal ones cringe at first sight, evaluate a flaw in her, compare it to the flaw in him and then become okay with it. It’s because we wonder…..what in the hell does she have to make him cross melanin lines and date outside of the cotton field. It is not racial. It is a direct example of confusion between Black males and females personified and in the flesh and we are left to face it.  When not in “mixed company” we share derogatory statements like nigger jokes at a country club amongst ourselves about how the White woman will do the stuff that we wont do , never seeing it as a negative for us but rather a negative for her. This isn’t intended to be racial as it is informative. Its Lisa Lamponelli , Carlos Mencia, Paul Mooney and Richard Prior on stage being copy/pasted into the privacy of our own homes. They say what we think…and even reveal what we have yet to understand.

        I’m not a freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I often wonder what do people get out of the whole “pull my hair” segment of sex, I mean who does that? If this were a question on Jeopardy the answer would be “What is Shit that White people do?”. I’m tender headed. I don’t like to comb my hair when I HAVE to yet alone allow a guy to grip and cause alopecia traction baldness in a heat of passion. So what do people get out of that? I am soooooo serious when I ask this question. Outside of kinky violence, I can’t see much else being received from it. Or can I?… Nope, I can’t. But I do have a serious question to ask, a few actually.

        Black ladies…..do you think that we lose a huge portion of our intimacy with our Black men because we often refuse to let them touch our hair? I mean… think about it. To a guy, touching your hair is a subtle way of him sending you a signal that he is feeling you. Swimming or sexual encounters in bodies of water or the shower is on the top of many men’s fantasy lists; seen Baywatch Lately? Men go crazy as a woman does a slow walk out of the water and pushes her hair out of her face. The slow hair blow as a woman gets out of the car was designed by a man, for a man as a way to seduce him via Yaky 1b natural. Yet, ladies…. most of us do not partake in any of these activities. I don’t care if a woman is natural or creamy cracked out…. several will not let her man touch her hair. WE have built up this impermeable wall of Pink Oil Moisturizer and Jam that most black men have learned before they were able to pee directly into the bowl that they do not touch a black woman’s hair. We have unconsciously trained our future kings that they can touch everything on his future queen’s body but her crown. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

       I mentioned this to my big brother on Sunday, and I promise you that if he had wings he would have jumped off the sofa in agreement and flown away. For a moment it looked as if he had caught the Holy Ghost, but it was just frustration releasing. He wasnt even paying attention to my side conversation with his wife…. but I ‘ll be damned if he wasnt fully listening now! lol. I wish I had recorded it just so that women could see the amount of energy and excitement he expressed to finally have a black women expressing his same sentiments. He said, “I would even go as far as to say that THIS (not touching a black woman’s hair) is why SOME black men date outside of the race.” There you have it… straight from the horse’s mouth! Ladies, here you have a black man telling you that he could understand why a black man would date outside of his race….just to feel someone’s hair/scalp… than to stick around and not be able to express his silent form of affection to you. I’ve even posted this question on Twitter and got blocked from tweeting because I ran out of my daily allotted tweets by responding to the sea of guys who said that they wished they could touch their girl’s hair/head. I posted it again today and will see what happens.

        So in closing, Black women… we’ve got to do better when it comes to allowing our kings to touch our hair. Maybe let him touch it for the few days leading up to a retouch, or right after you get it washed. Maybe this is the connection that we need to re-establish in order to allow intimacy to flow from a natural place, unrestricted by social taboos and norms. Maybe, and just maybe this will cause Mr. Lynch to shake in his grave if we can get one woman to allow her man to run his fingers through her hair. Would it hurt us to share this portion of ourselves? Would it kill us to open of a gateway to intimacy that hasn’t been there since the invention of a hot comb? Can we learn that there are things far more important than our hair? I hope so……your relationship is counting on it. And I am not asking you to let everyone touch your hair… just your man. SO yes, if the complete stranger (white woman) standing behind you at the Reagan National Airport decides amongst her friends that you have beautiful hair and decides to reach out and run her fingers through your hair…..(This happened to me)…..just breathe before you commit a felony. Everyone is not as restrictive as we are about our hair….and this is the day that you may need to examine why. It is my suggestion that we ask ourselves if this is the cause of why black love has a “loc” on intimacy.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

If He Likes It, WHICH Ring Should He Put On It?

In Relationships on 14 October 2010 at 10:59 am

 

        For an entire YEAR, Beyoncé had the world over, women, kids, gays, lesbians, little people, tall people, ugly people, and I think a chimpanzee in Milan screaming from the mountain tops that “If he likes it then he needs to put a ring on it.” Needless to say, even SHE wasnt screaming that nonsense until AFTER Jay put a ring on it. Before that it was Independent Woman this & Let Me Cater to You that. It’s a set up ladies. lol The premise behind him wanting to put a ring on it and what you must do to get there are two totally different things.  I know that for a fact. Just like I know for a FACT that this blog entry is going to stir up a ton of backlash from my female readers….but so what. Maybe then you will see things from your man’s side and may actually be grateful for the stress and strain…and balls to the wall courage it took for him to finally propose.

        My philosophy on the engagement ring is sooooooooo far different from any female that you will ever hear in your life. It is my personal belief that when a man proposes he should propose with the simple band (no jewels) as a promise and symbol of a pending marriage. Upon completion of their vows, then and only then, should they exchange the heavily awaited diamond encrusted jewel piece. Why do I think this way, you ask? Simple:

1. I’m a logical human being, and in being so I think that even the song is stupid. You mean to tell me that if   he LIKES it he will put a diamond ring on it, but if he LOVES it all I get is a simple band? Stupid, right? It’s as if you put more em-PHA-sis on the engagement than you did on the marriage ceremony with the current set-up of the rings. No wonder why marriages are jacked up.

2. Since guys don’t know what they really want and/or need out of a woman that he may one day marry….there is a chance that he will buy a minimum of two (2) engagement rings between the ages of 19 and 35. This also creates drama on whether or not a man should get the ring back should the relationship not work out. But if it was a simple band we wouldn’t have this problem.

3. I am rather a narcissist, and it is my belief that I would be okay with him giving away 5 simple bands to women before me who he thought were the one, but then I would be the only one who made it to the altar to receive the ultimate prize of the diamond ring. As his new bride, I would love him for not wasting money on 5 different women purchasing 5 different diamonds ( BECAUSE YOU DONT RECYCLE A FAILED ENGAGEMENT RING)!

4. This will cut down on the woman working just for the ring and then changing once she has it. I am a strong believer that you should only buy gifts over $1 Thousand for a fiancée and over $2 Thousand for your spouse….everyone else has yet to earn that kind of spending. That is why these gold diggers want the rings to be so huge and then find out you don’t actually live like that.

 

        All of my reasons are rather selfish, really. I guess that I am not the type of girl who wears a lot of jewelry to begin with, so WHICH ring he proposes with wouldn’t really bother me, because it is more so (at least to me) about the fact that he had enough love for me to be courageous enough to ask me to spend the rest of my life with him. I know that scares the daylights out of a guy….so why add the stress of the engagement ring? Shouldnt the diamond be a surprise at the altar of what he thought to get for his new wife? Shouldnt the most expensive jewel only be given to the wife? Because if you put things into perspective….you will always be the other woman, an informal side piece, in comparison to his future wife. You do not deserve the jewel unless you both have said “I DO”.

        Trust me, I know I am causing a frenzy at Tiffany’s, Jared’s & Kay’s right now. And yes, I’ve heard it all. While at a gathering yesterday one of my guy friends called his mother while the entire table of women and men ( about 12 of us) were in the midst of this conversation. I think his mother replied with how “she would’ve already had her engagement ring chosen”. lol. Another friend at the table said that there “use to be a time when you could walk into a particular jewelry store, tell her name, and they could point out which ring she had wanted for herself.” So as not to be outdone, I called my mother all the way in Minnesota and put her on the phone. And true to form….she said that I was correct! lol.  I mentioned to my mother how at another gathering of the same caliber a female friend told me that she disagreed because “the diamond engagement ring was her dowry”.  My mother commented and said, “No, a dowry is traditionally given at the marriage ceremony to seal the contract of marriage.” Side bar: I love My Mom!!! So, I went to research.

        Dictionary.com says that a dowry is “a noun, also, dower, the money, goods, or estate that a wife brings to her husband at marriage.” Key word ladies… a WOMAN brings the dowry to the man, not a man to a woman. (Two for me, none for the others.) The initial purpose of the dowry was to help set up the bride in her new marriage so that she would not be a burden to her new husband, as well as compensate the husband for going out of his way to marry. It was more of a business deal than a love match. So, would you really want to still carry on the traditions of a business deal, or would you like to set a tradition that is met on love where when you get a diamond ring, or IF you even get a diamond ring shouldnt really matter? Because if I were a dude, I would be pretty skeptical of a woman who wouldn’t marry me because I gave her a band instead of a diamond. That would flag what kind of woman you are right then and there.

        Now, I am not judging anyone, but the actions that women extend and the pressures that they put on a man are ridiculous! I think that the victory is won at the finish line and not mid race. So I am quite okay with waiting until we get to the altar to say I Do before God to receive my ring. But again….this is just my opinion. ANd even though all of the guys that I say this to agree, even the security guards in my office building, I doubt that many women other than my mother will agree with me on this. But it is another way of looking at it. DO you want to be just another female who he gives a diamond ring to, or do you want to be the ONLY woman that he gives a diamond ring to? I choose to be the only one. But again, I did preface this entry by saying that I am far different from others. Yet, when the time comes for him to propose, I would honestly like to forgo the diamond ring for a band and his promise to one day be my husband, just to get to the altar on my wedding day and have him surprise me with a diamond wedding ring. Now THAT is a fairy tale to me.

(Click “If He Likes It, WHICH Ring Should He Put On It? to view comments)

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

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