So, by now you should have read my other post “200 Men Said….Value of a Black Woman” (<~Click Here to Read It). Well this is part 2. I thought that I would take the question and concern of that blog and take it a step further.
The same diva who gave me the idea for that blog brought up the concern of white guys showing her love when she was out and about. She said that white guys see her and give her love but they are hesitant to speak up and come and get her. She felt that it was confusing, their actions….and she wanted to know why. I told her that men are doers. If they want you, they will come get you, and if they dont…then they won’t. So it has nothing to do with race, it has to do with him wanting you for that moment versus taking you home. But I wanted to see what guys thought about that, white guys to be specific. So I flipped the question from the last post and asked my white guys.
About 20 of my White guys from 200 Men Said…. were asked:
Many black women don’t feel as if black men value them. As a non-black man, do you think that black men value their women? Have you/Would you date a black woman over your own race? Send me a note/message for longer answers.
They all came back with great responses but I thought that I would post a few specific conversations that gave me the most information. I think you will love it!! My first conversation came from Code name Big Sexy, and this is how it went:
- Code Name Bigsexy: i only date black women and as far as black men you can never say a group of people do or don’t do anything
- Me: If you don’t mind me asking, why do you ( as a non-black) solely date black women? When did you first date a black woman? I’m trying to help a friend of mine understand, so your input would be very helpful! Thanks.
- Code Name Bigsexy: i just am attracted to black women.i grew up in [an] apt complex where every 1 was black so i guess when in rome.i have been with black women all my life in fact i have never been with a white woman
- Me: WOW!!! NEVER!!!? So, if the opportunity were to arise, would you date a white woman? Are you attracted about ANYTHING on a white woman? And I know this sounds cliché, but do you see color? What specifically about black women do you like. The more detailed the better?
- Code Name Bigsexy: i might but she would have [to be] so bad!!i love dark hair and tan to dark skin so to find a white woman with dark hair and tan skin that’s very hard.black women i just like everything from sharp outlined lips to the shine of the dark hair.to the bow outward thighs and the way gold shines against their skin.really it is endless for me i could tell you things i like forever.lol and i love a woman with their hair done up real sharp
- Me: Awwww sooky sooky now!!!! Okay.So, when you are out and about and you see a black woman who you like…. how do you approach her?
- Code Name Bigsexy: well im smug so a go slam at her.if shes got nice shoes i go there, if shes got a nice body i might start with omg you are bad.then just go from there
- Me: Okay, so if you like the way a lady looks, but you’re not feeling her… do you speak or try to get her number? I know that is plain common sense, but humor me. I ask because, a friend of mine told me that the white guys give her love but that they need to stop being scared and make a move. I told her that men DO. And if he doesn’t, then he wasnt feeling you…and that has NOTHINg to do with race. Was I wrong to tell her that?
- Code Name Bigsexy: nope if im not feeling you im gone, sexy or not.you’re right, i guess, but some men (not me) but some fear a woman and what she might say.
I have to keep the rest of this conversation to myself because he didn’t want to be held responsible for giving away the man code! lmao! But I think that this was more than enough info to help women see how one white man feels about black women and how he chooses to value them. I simply love my conversations with Code Name Bigsexy. He has some great insight.
The next person who branched off into a conversation with me was Danny P. Danny P is a newbie to my 200 Men, but I enjoy his insight as well. Our conversation went something like this:
- Danny P: short answer: [I] thought of the examples I’ve seen first hand, [&] made columns of has shown vs has not shown. more [were in the column of ] has not shown. i find almost the same results when listing others i know. i’d date any race
- Me: Can you please expound? What kind of examples?
- Danny P: i just literally made two columns… one was [they] did value, the other [they] did not value. more examples were [in the] did not value [column]. [The women being] cheated on was the biggest example of [how they]did not value. another would be [them being] straight up disrespectful etc.
- Me: So, what forms of disrespect have you witnessed? I am learning as you speak…so thanks for being open
- Danny P: lol feel like i’m being put on the spot am i being asked cuz i’m white, and you’re trying to see if i pre judge black people? i mean i am simply going by life experiences, which in the end is all we can go by in any real honesty. and, to be honest, i have had times in my life where i was disrespectful as well… so no room to judge others. i’ve had times where, as a boy, i tried to be a man… and failed. miserably. do i think black men are singled out as the only race who disrespect women, hell no. i also think any person, at any time is capable of disrespect and disappointing behavior. that being said, yes, the examples i’ve been witness too haven’t been that great all the time. one of the people in my life i consider a brother, though a good man, couldn’t stop cheating on the women he’s been with. cuz he’s black? no, probably cuz of issues with women in the past that never got dealt with. could be fear of death, could be a million reasons. hes’ aware of his issues and i believe he’s probably working on them. hell next we could talk about the times i’ve been robbed or attempted robbed in my life. i’ve never been robbed by anyone other than a black man. now does that mean i think only black men rob people.. Nope. a person is gonna find people let them down. human condition, expectations vs. reality. people can never live up to what we expect. when we love each other we try. lol i feel a book coming on, but still should get back to the book i’m actually hoping to work on and finish for once so i’ll cut it here. i do appreciate the deep questions, and i appreciate that you’re an intelligent woman. have a great day 🙂
I understood everything that Danny was saying. As an outsider, he could only go by what he saw. And yes, I was asking him because he was white, but I think that it was an outsider’s eye that I needed. I would never ask him to see if he pre-judged people, but because I needed another person’s opinion. But he made sense when he made me see that ANY man can be disrespectful, can cheat, can rob, can not value their woman. it was NOT about race. I guess I knew that all a long but for journalistic purposes I thought that I would ask the question any way. It was about valuing what you have regardless of color/race. I got that. I appreciated his honesty. It was so sexy…lol.
On the flip side…. it did bring up the idea that “outsiders” could see what we insiders see too. What did that say? Was it something that should be changed? it made me fear that we would go into hiding with our problems when i fact we needed to expose them and fix them. So, is every race willing to help value each other, or would we continue to complain about this issue? I guess it was best put by this statement by another one of my White 200 Men:
- Patrick: Assholes come in all different colors…
So…. I had our black men comment and I had our white guys comment…. well, what about our in betweens? Well, our mixed guys had a comment on the issue as well. Vince V helped represent for the mixed men and our conversation went like this:
- Vince V: Its funny that you asked me this question. I believe that the black woman is one of GOD’s greatest creations. She is strong, beautiful, and talented enough to succeed at whatever endeavor she sets her mind to. As far as dating outside my race, i am mixed with blk and white so technically I never have. What i can tell you is that i have only dated two white females in my life time, and through those experiences i realized that being with a black woman is what i need in my life to succeed and to be happy.
- Me: Wow! So, what about those experience, if you dont mid me asking…. made you feel as if a black woman was what you needed? And which of your parents is black?
- Vince V: During one of those relationships I was young and was looking see what the world had to offer me. She was just about games and doin her. The second one is a really long story; but in short she brought me down to a very low place in my life. And I then met a real friend who happened to be a black female; who helped lift me up and out of the dilemma that I was in. After that I vowed that I would never mess with another white girl again. I realized from that friend that I only had room in my life for someone who was strong as well as beautiful. And with that being said I have just not been attracted to any race of women other than black . Dont get me wrong im not saying that women of other races arent beautiful too, but im just not attracted to them. My father is the one that is black.
- Me: So, …and I am just asking… do you feel that your not dating white is in any way cutting out your mother’s side of yourself?
- Vince V: My mother would want me to be with whomever made me happy. Her family is estranged from her because she chose to love who she loved.
So, how is it that a white woman fell in love with a black man and raised a mixed son that loves black women. I doubt that his mother would care who he fell in love with….. so why is it so hard for black women to allow their brothers, fathers, uncles, and sons to love whoever makes them happy? I think this is an insecurity issue on the part of many black women. I have no clue as to where to find the answer to fix this problem but I think it has to deal with self-love. Love yourself first. If you do that , you will not be concerned with who is loving whom because you will be content. When there is true, pure, and content love there is seldom room for hate or opposition. I think this is an issue because we will not let it die. Love….. we must love to get love, and that means that we must allow love to exist in all forms. To suppress one form of love is an indirect way of putting a noose on love everywhere. So, in closing…. I love you…and whomever you choose to love. I pray that they love you back unconditionally.
Thanks to all of my men who participated.
Sincerely,
~*My Mother’s Daughter*~
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~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 