I’ll never forget where I was when I first heard this song. I was on the phone with my high school sweetheart after about a year of me not speaking to him. He was back at his old tricks of trying to get me to fall for him all over again. He told me to check out this song, and I had never even heard of the artist, much less the song….but I said that I would. And I did. Loved it. Thought that I should burst out into singing “Killing Me Softly” because Urban Mystic was telling my whole life with his words.
This song has that high school feel. That, “talking on the phone all night or at least holding the phone as you fall asleep” type feel. This song just oozes the rekindling of an old flame. This is NOT the song you need to play while you are engaged to your future wife ( just saying) lmao!. But it does have that “tug on the heartstrings of hopeless romantics who cant wait to be with their first loves just once more” type feel.
The intro is enough to make you call everyone in your black book and make individual appointments. lol
Intro:urban(woman) yo baby (what?s up) what we had was so special (yea I know) what you doin now (left my man back at the 9 to 5 just trying to make things work) Yeah, I never thought I?d see you again (and I never thought I?d see you again) yeah, (what a coincidence) well that?s how things happen (yea I know, I wanna have you just one more time) But you know what (what’s that) You know what?s odd (what is it)
Her tone is just begging for him to come and get it. It’s almost as if she planned for them to meet again. Like she searched for him and put herself in a place to be strategically found by him. I’m not mad at her. I would do the same damn thing…lol I mean, how simple is the intro? But this is about as kinky as Teddy Pendergrass talking over a track. It says “Get those panties off… TAKE ‘EM OFF!” lmao.
Verse 1: What are the odds of me bumping into you again (one in a million) What are the odds of me seeing my first lover friend (two in a million) It’s been two years since we both graduated, I still can feel how we both celebrated I can’t get over your voice on my phone, we’ve been apart for so long.
This takes me back to that time when you locked eyes with the person that you love after being apart for so long. Or even the thought of them that sends chills down your spine and ends at your happy place. I mean really… they had to have been something special that without even touching you or being in the same room with you they can make you smile and head towards a cold shower. What are the odds of every person doing that to you? Zero in a million.
Chorus: So I refuse to wait, my patience is out the door baby I refuse to hear you say, u don’t want me no more baby I refuse to blame, you for anything – me for any thing lets not take finding each other in vain, its not a coincidence baby
Obviously, all is forgiven or they are just that horny. lol. I mean he is not even wanting to hold a grudge. I mean she has GOT to have kryptonite in her panties to get a man to go out on a limb like this. I’m still having a hard time trying to figure out if this is love or lust, but in the moment of passion I don’t think that it really matters, now does it? lol
Verse 2: Remember we use to sneak off when your mama dosed off Hit the back seat of my Chevy fog up the windows Made love to sweet lady our favorite song kept it moving slow and steady to the tempo Then we would lay there and hold on to each other like there wasn’t a tomorrow I can’t get over your voice on the phone, we’ve been apart for so long
LMAO!!! See parents….THIS is why you should equip your child with house arrest ankle bracelets! lol. Teach your girls that leather burn is a hoe’s tattoo…lol. This verse in and of itself just keeps me cracking up! It is so romantic, and so serious, yet hilariously funny because someone , somewhere has done some…if not all..of this at one point in time in their life. And there he is remembering it all years later. See…if you got that Good Good ladies they will always remember. Better yet, he will admit to cuddling!!!!!!! Chorus repeats and then…..
Verse 3
You know, damn well, you’re suppose to be in my life Riding by my side (Oh yeah yeah) You know, damn well, you’re suppose to be coming home to me every night
Baby if you’re not that far away Maybe we can spend the day Catch up on all the loving we lost Let me kiss you in your favorite place
So….. if he doesn’t get what he wants he damn near gets beligerent..lol. YOU KNOW DAMN WELL, WOMAN! All he wants to do is kiss you in your favorite place. Just KINKY!!! KINKY , I TELL YA! lol. Yep.. been there. Had the kind of passion where you knew better than to be left alone in the same place with that other person because baby making would surely follow no matter the consequences…. *shakes head at the thought* Sorry, had a flash back…lmao!
Well, every time I listen to this song I think of what I went through that made this song so relevant to me. I thank the person who decided to bring it to my attention and I will always hold a special place for this song in my heart. Tales like this really do happen in real life….and I am a witness to it. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always turn out to be a love connection….but the memories are a nice reminder of what love can look like. It gives you hope of what is in the future. And if nothing else, it is just nice to know that you are wanted. I refuse to lose hope for love. I simply refuse to.
P.S. I also refuse not to die laughing at the fact that the model who Tyra Banks yelled at is in this video. lmao.
P.P.S. I refuse to fight the urge to call him K-C from Jodeci. lmao!
So, by now you should have read my other post “200 Men Said….Value of a Black Woman” (<~Click Here to Read It). Well this is part 2. I thought that I would take the question and concern of that blog and take it a step further.
The same diva who gave me the idea for that blog brought up the concern of white guys showing her love when she was out and about. She said that white guys see her and give her love but they are hesitant to speak up and come and get her. She felt that it was confusing, their actions….and she wanted to know why. I told her that men are doers. If they want you, they will come get you, and if they dont…then they won’t. So it has nothing to do with race, it has to do with him wanting you for that moment versus taking you home. But I wanted to see what guys thought about that, white guys to be specific. So I flipped the question from the last post and asked my white guys.
About 20 of my White guys from 200 Men Said…. were asked:
Many black women don’t feel as if black men value them. As a non-black man, do you think that black men value their women? Have you/Would you date a black woman over your own race? Send me a note/message for longer answers.
They all came back with great responses but I thought that I would post a few specific conversations that gave me the most information. I think you will love it!! My first conversation came from Code name Big Sexy, and this is how it went:
Code Name Bigsexy: i only date black women and as far as black men you can never say a group of people do or don’t do anything
Me: If you don’t mind me asking, why do you ( as a non-black) solely date black women? When did you first date a black woman? I’m trying to help a friend of mine understand, so your input would be very helpful! Thanks.
Code Name Bigsexy: i just am attracted to black women.i grew up in [an] apt complex where every 1 was black so i guess when in rome.i have been with black women all my life in fact i have never been with a white woman
Me: WOW!!! NEVER!!!? So, if the opportunity were to arise, would you date a white woman? Are you attracted about ANYTHING on a white woman? And I know this sounds cliché, but do you see color? What specifically about black women do you like. The more detailed the better?
Code Name Bigsexy: i might but she would have [to be] so bad!!i love dark hair and tan to dark skin so to find a white woman with dark hair and tan skin that’s very hard.black women i just like everything from sharp outlined lips to the shine of the dark hair.to the bow outward thighs and the way gold shines against their skin.really it is endless for me i could tell you things i like forever.lol and i love a woman with their hair done up real sharp
Me: Awwww sooky sooky now!!!! Okay.So, when you are out and about and you see a black woman who you like…. how do you approach her?
Code Name Bigsexy: well im smug so a go slam at her.if shes got nice shoes i go there, if shes got a nice body i might start with omg you are bad.then just go from there
Me: Okay, so if you like the way a lady looks, but you’re not feeling her… do you speak or try to get her number? I know that is plain common sense, but humor me. I ask because, a friend of mine told me that the white guys give her love but that they need to stop being scared and make a move. I told her that men DO. And if he doesn’t, then he wasnt feeling you…and that has NOTHINg to do with race. Was I wrong to tell her that?
Code Name Bigsexy: nope if im not feeling you im gone, sexy or not.you’re right, i guess, but some men (not me) but some fear a woman and what she might say.
I have to keep the rest of this conversation to myself because he didn’t want to be held responsible for giving away the man code! lmao! But I think that this was more than enough info to help women see how one white man feels about black women and how he chooses to value them. I simply love my conversations with Code Name Bigsexy. He has some great insight.
The next person who branched off into a conversation with me was Danny P. Danny P is a newbie to my 200 Men, but I enjoy his insight as well. Our conversation went something like this:
Danny P: short answer: [I] thought of the examples I’ve seen first hand, [&] made columns of has shown vs has not shown. more [were in the column of ] has not shown. i find almost the same results when listing others i know. i’d date any race
Me: Can you please expound? What kind of examples?
Danny P: i just literally made two columns… one was [they] did value, the other [they] did not value. more examples were [in the] did not value [column]. [The women being] cheated on was the biggest example of [how they]did not value. another would be [them being] straight up disrespectful etc.
Me: So, what forms of disrespect have you witnessed? I am learning as you speak…so thanks for being open
Danny P: lol feel like i’m being put on the spot am i being asked cuz i’m white, and you’re trying to see if i pre judge black people? i mean i am simply going by life experiences, which in the end is all we can go by in any real honesty. and, to be honest, i have had times in my life where i was disrespectful as well… so no room to judge others. i’ve had times where, as a boy, i tried to be a man… and failed. miserably. do i think black men are singled out as the only race who disrespect women, hell no. i also think any person, at any time is capable of disrespect and disappointing behavior. that being said, yes, the examples i’ve been witness too haven’t been that great all the time. one of the people in my life i consider a brother, though a good man, couldn’t stop cheating on the women he’s been with. cuz he’s black? no, probably cuz of issues with women in the past that never got dealt with. could be fear of death, could be a million reasons. hes’ aware of his issues and i believe he’s probably working on them. hell next we could talk about the times i’ve been robbed or attempted robbed in my life. i’ve never been robbed by anyone other than a black man. now does that mean i think only black men rob people.. Nope. a person is gonna find people let them down. human condition, expectations vs. reality. people can never live up to what we expect. when we love each other we try. lol i feel a book coming on, but still should get back to the book i’m actually hoping to work on and finish for once so i’ll cut it here. i do appreciate the deep questions, and i appreciate that you’re an intelligent woman. have a great day 🙂
I understood everything that Danny was saying. As an outsider, he could only go by what he saw. And yes, I was asking him because he was white, but I think that it was an outsider’s eye that I needed. I would never ask him to see if he pre-judged people, but because I needed another person’s opinion. But he made sense when he made me see that ANY man can be disrespectful, can cheat, can rob, can not value their woman. it was NOT about race. I guess I knew that all a long but for journalistic purposes I thought that I would ask the question any way. It was about valuing what you have regardless of color/race. I got that. I appreciated his honesty. It was so sexy…lol.
On the flip side…. it did bring up the idea that “outsiders” could see what we insiders see too. What did that say? Was it something that should be changed? it made me fear that we would go into hiding with our problems when i fact we needed to expose them and fix them. So, is every race willing to help value each other, or would we continue to complain about this issue? I guess it was best put by this statement by another one of my White 200 Men:
Patrick: Assholes come in all different colors…
So…. I had our black men comment and I had our white guys comment…. well, what about our in betweens? Well, our mixed guys had a comment on the issue as well. Vince V helped represent for the mixed men and our conversation went like this:
Vince V: Its funny that you asked me this question. I believe that the black woman is one of GOD’s greatest creations. She is strong, beautiful, and talented enough to succeed at whatever endeavor she sets her mind to. As far as dating outside my race, i am mixed with blk and white so technically I never have. What i can tell you is that i have only dated two white females in my life time, and through those experiences i realized that being with a black woman is what i need in my life to succeed and to be happy.
Me: Wow! So, what about those experience, if you dont mid me asking…. made you feel as if a black woman was what you needed? And which of your parents is black?
Vince V: During one of those relationships I was young and was looking see what the world had to offer me. She was just about games and doin her. The second one is a really long story; but in short she brought me down to a very low place in my life. And I then met a real friend who happened to be a black female; who helped lift me up and out of the dilemma that I was in. After that I vowed that I would never mess with another white girl again. I realized from that friend that I only had room in my life for someone who was strong as well as beautiful. And with that being said I have just not been attracted to any race of women other than black . Dont get me wrong im not saying that women of other races arent beautiful too, but im just not attracted to them. My father is the one that is black.
Me: So, …and I am just asking… do you feel that your not dating white is in any way cutting out your mother’s side of yourself?
Vince V: My mother would want me to be with whomever made me happy. Her family is estranged from her because she chose to love who she loved.
So, how is it that a white woman fell in love with a black man and raised a mixed son that loves black women. I doubt that his mother would care who he fell in love with….. so why is it so hard for black women to allow their brothers, fathers, uncles, and sons to love whoever makes them happy? I think this is an insecurity issue on the part of many black women. I have no clue as to where to find the answer to fix this problem but I think it has to deal with self-love. Love yourself first. If you do that , you will not be concerned with who is loving whom because you will be content. When there is true, pure, and content love there is seldom room for hate or opposition. I think this is an issue because we will not let it die. Love….. we must love to get love, and that means that we must allow love to exist in all forms. To suppress one form of love is an indirect way of putting a noose on love everywhere. So, in closing…. I love you…and whomever you choose to love. I pray that they love you back unconditionally.
This blog entry is to set the record straight, ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! So, while clowning on twitter ( @_2Deep_) a friend on mine hit me up and wanted me to ask my 200 men a question that has been burning up inside of her. Now, what kind of friend would I be to deny her of a stage?
She mentioned to me that while out and about at clubs she noticed that several black men were clinging heavily to white women, or women of other races in general, but you never really see them clinging to us black women in the same fashion. THESE ARE HER WORDS AND SENTIMENTS, DO NOT… I REPEAT, DO NOT SHOOT THE MESSENGER!!! So she wanted to know why was this the case. Why are, in her opinion, black men more affectionate and willing to date those who are outside of their race and not do the same for those who resemble themselves? She said it made her feel as if black men did not value black women the way that women of other races were valued. On “some” points I agreed with her. I too think that there are times when black men do not value us as much as they should, but I never looked at it as they value us less than other races. I say this because, I believe that black women are to be valued differently, therefore to compare out value to another race of women is invalid. I say this because majority of the time, the way that men, in general, value other races…a black woman would see as belittling, or would see as weak…which in return causes relationship issues….so this discussion is somewhat invalid. I think this is an in-house problem that needs to be corrected. But, since that was not the issue that was brought to the table, I had to reach out to my guys and ask them to directly answer her question. And let me tell you… the uproar from my guys that came back was a sight to see….but good to see it in ink.
So I stuck my neck out on the chopping block, because you just know that when you generalize a question or say that you are asking for a friend that automatically makes people think you are asking for yourself…lol. Well, on this one, I really am asking for someone else, but I am learning from the responses as well. Now, my 200 Men were asked:
Many black women don’t feel as if black men value them. As a black man, do you value black women over other races? Would you date/have you dated outside of your race? Why? Send me a note/message for longer answers.
And they answered with:
WWW . (dirty) . com: never dated out of my race and never will–i love a chocolate woman…[they’re] so pink inside….. [2Deep: I have absolutely no clue what this means or if this is even a compliment, but at least he loves his black women…lol]
Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**:I would have to say that I definitely value black women over any and every other race. I have dated outside my race before but I could not say that I have ever considered marrying and spending my life with anything but a black woman. I am amazed at the strength and loyalty of a good black woman once they believe they have a man they can pour into completely.
Dezi: I love my sisters and i never thought about going outside of my race. And if i do [it’s] my choice as it is the next black man’s or woman’s. Not about race it’s about being happy.
”DUKE” BANNER: i would never disrespect my queen. never dated outside my race but im not [racist]
*~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: I would never de-valued (lol) a black woman, that’s basically saying i don’t have respect [for] all the strong black women in my family. I would never put another race over the other. I haven’t dated outside my race but I’m not ruling that out either. If i happen to meet someone of different race I’m okay with that.
!: I value black women over other races but since i have native and european blood way down the lines near the end of slavery I’m open to dating any race. It’s about the person and not color to me…my preference though is a black woman first.
http://www.twitter. com/kingdomgate_ent: It’s definitely not a race issue its a faith issue. I would absolutely date outside my race the heart doesn’t have color. I have dated other races before.
MR. LOVING: I feel I do & I haven’t had the chance to date outside my race. I wouldn’t mind though.
Prestige “The One And Only”: I personally believe there is no substitute for a good black woman. If what I’m looking for is found outside my race so be it, but that’s not where I’m looking. As to the value of a blk wmn, I can only see myself valuing her as much as she does herself.
PIECE OF WORK!! $$PET$ PET$ PET$$$: i do… i love my black women… yeah i would, but depends. why bc i am attracted to physical beauty before inner beauty. but they must have both..[2Deep: Well, ladies at least he is honest. It’s booty before beauty with him..lol]
KEN: I LOVE BLACK WOMEN..but yall…..lol but seriously black woman [are the] most powerful women in [the] world; ask Oprah and Michelle. black women are beautiful women, just hard 2 get alone wit.so yes, [i value] black woman value over other races…
Kip S: I do value black women. All of the girls that I’ve dated have been black except 2 of latin origin. I don’t see a problem dating outside of yourself as long as you know who you are and where you come from
Jamarcus V: i love everything about tha black woman and I don’t do tha outside of tha race thing,mixed is one thing but a whole different race i cant do it
THE TOTAL PACKAGE: definitely value blk women more cause my moms a blk women 1st and foremost and cuz without blk women life would not exist on this planet!!
Kycajrome L: I prefer my sistas first over any other ….but yes i have dated outside us, why….I was asked….and decided to try it….
THIS GUY: WELL ME I LOVE MY SISTERS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE NO REPLACEMENT IN THE WORLD THERE THE ONLY ONES FOR ME AND NO OTHER RACE CAN REPLACE MY NATURAL NEED FOR BLACK WOMEN. SO I ONLY DEAL WITH BLACK WOMEN. PEOPLE CAN SAY LOOKS DONT COUNT BUT THEY DO
Henry C: yes i love my black women.
DEVON B: i love black women
Lateef25: i love blk women i have only other race i have dated was spanish women
MYLES C AKA !! Mr.Grown-N-Sexxxi !!: EVERYONE IS TREATED EQUAL TO ME. YES I HAVE DATED OUTSIDE MY RACE MAYBE TWICE, BECAUSE SOME BLACK MEN FEEL THAT A BLACK FEMALE WONT DO A WHITE WOMAN WOULD, BUT IT AINT ALL BOUT THAT
My ALL TIME FAVORITE RESPONSE CAME FROM……….:
Black Kryptonite aka the KID: black men value black women who value themselves. not the ones who want to rock the labels but not work to get it for themselves. Or women who are looking for captain save her
PREACH, Black Kryptonite!!! So, I think he flat-out told us that we have to VALUE OURSELVES in order to be valued in return. So, did he just hand the responsibility of placing a value to our worth back into our hands? Well I be damned, I think he did! lmao! So, if we feel that we are not being valued by our men, it is then our place to make sure that we have worth, know it, and place our worth on proper display. I think that it is safe to say that you will NEVER find a Benz dealership in the middle of the hood, so why should you place your values amongst actions that do not match what it is that you think you are worth. I’m coining the phrase, actions speak louder than worth. How you act will dictate your judgement of your worth and guys can pick up on that. So, correct yourself first.
Another interesting comment that came from this question came from James F. The discussion turned into a bit of a conversation so check it out:
James F: yes i value black women i come from a black woman i can never diss or turn my back on them…its ironic you say that cause i feel black men kinda feel the same why about black women but any i digress…but yes i will date outside my race I don’t discriminate..everybody should date whoever they wanna date
Me: So, you brought up an interesting point. You say that black men feel the same way? How so? Can you explain what some black women do that makes some black men feel as if we don’t value them?
James F: i mean Some black women, not all, don’t hesitate to throw black men under the bus…some black women are just black men bashers lets just keep it real…if you’re doing that why would black men feel valued when the first out your mouth is something negative?? it is what it is…its too much of disconnect between black men and women…and it shouldn’t be like that
So, how do you propose BOTH sides work on fixing this problem? Because SOME of the negativity is based on experience. For instance, I just had this complete stranger (black male) post on my page ” do you skeet or spit when you have sex”. WHAT KIND OF BS is that? I don’t know him. What I shouldnt do is take his stupidity out on the next, but you must understand why I would be guarded, right? So, I propose the question…..how should a black woman place value in a black man? Hmmm… we could go on for hours. Pretty much like my next comment response.
So, in the middle of my responses I received this:
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: RESPECT is lost amongst us all. Everyone wants the ability to do whatever they want without recourse. We take things and persons for granted with silly talk about this is a new year and a time for change. Yes change is what got us here from when things had more value and respect back in the day. Date outside my race i have before i found my spiritual path and we are not to date a certain kind of people. All this leads to a root of a problem that we are trying to avoid by dealing with the surface on our own regards. Bringing it back to relevance though when RESPECT was lost during this all change is good so will everything else be lost ie honesty, loyalty, communication, trust…..
Me:I have to be honest…. I am sooooo lost with your response. I get the “respect is lost” part. But can you explain it to me again, but this time slow and act like I’m dumb.
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: Where are you lost because i can’t begin to correlate until you tell me which point you need clarity. I will do this to help what i think you maybe lost.”We take things and persons for granted with silly talk about this is a new year and a time for change”… What i am saying here is people want the ability to do whatever they desire as they see fit with other people belongings or how they treat or act towards the other person.”Date outside my race i have before i found my spiritual path and we are not to date a certain kind of people”…. Here i am talking about dating outside my race but came to realize that is wrong and only disrespectful to the creator not the person. Its written in the scriptures who we are to date/marry.”All this leads to a root of a problem that we are trying to avoid by dealing with the surface on our own regards”….I am saying here that we that we try to deal with these situation on our own desires/regards or what we see fit to make it work. You don’t have to be spiritual or preacher to see how we are to interact with each other as written. We are so far from the truth that we make our own to satisfy our realities.
Me: Whooooooooooooooooa Nelly! The Bible doesn’t mention race. But you must be of like and sound mind; equally yoked. A person of aother race ca be equally yoked with you. So how did you figure it was wrong to the creator to date a person of another race?
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**:Yes it did because he you know your history of where all races came from during the biblical days…you would know of the races it were speaking of because during the bible days race were never used but location where people lived…..Your pastor will not tell you this and that is why you must read the bible and learned its history. Most people just read the bible and think that is it and some don’t read it just recite what was said to them so the knowledge of it is mixed up. YES the bible talks about race….Go find me in the bible where it doesn’t talk about you are not to marry from this place but this place or not to marry from this place and when you DO come across it…. Find out the RACE of people there and there is your RACE…. I am in the dirt of the book your on the surface but you can dig too
Me: But location and the color of one’s skin is two TOTALLY different things. There are people of all skin hughes who are born in america….So…. amI to see who is a child of Abraham before I accept his proposal in marriage? I understand what you mean, but that does not relate to skin tone. Again, it relates to the belief systems and being equally yoked with persons from different sects. Thee could be BLACK people who are not equally yoked with you who you are not supposed to marry.
Tony Raymond **Thank Kamelyun**: Your just blurring the lines because you fear of what is being said…I said RACE not skin color….Race in america is skin color but Race outside of here is Location. Native Americans are of different hues but there are located to this country….Asians which is a race and located to their location….Europeans, Alaskian, Somoans, African, and the so on….You want to limit to the equally yoke because you want to date outside of said race….I will do this for you…Provide you scriptures and you tell me where does it rely to unequally yoking….Your trying understand but you just have one part because here in America its Politically correct to use that part but the rest is not and many do not want to create ripples in the waves. I will stand by my creator words and do not fear of people issues due to fear of another’s opinion or comment. Why did Abraham send his servant to another place to find a wife for Issac? Race of people where he was at were not for his son to marry….hmmmmm
Me: First off….DONT YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT I AM “AFRAID” TO DO….it is insulting & you don’t know me. I’ve never dated out of my race, not that it matters, so to assume somewhat mutes your point.When people cannot stick directly to facts, they often time assume and pass judgement on those who think in opposition….that very move does not make your argument strong. Just stick to the facts.It is the respectful thing to dispute what I say without passing judgement on me for why I think that way. Or do they teach you that in the Bible too? Can you show me the verse on “thou shalt pass judgement on the person because they disagree with you.”? (This is merely rhetorical, please do not respond)Also,I understood and know the meaning of RACE. Race is derived from origin and or location….that is one of the definitions of race. Therefore, a white person who is born in Africa has the race of African, and should they move to America, they too will be classified as African-American. Sounds weird, but it is true. Therefore, a person of a different color skin can be classified as being of the same RACE as you. On the flip side, an African-American would be of a different RACE than an African based purely on the definition of RACE, therefore making an African unequally yoked from an African-American. Which leads me back to my original question (part of which is now answered): I now know that you would not date outside of your RACE, but would you date outside of your own darker colored skin category and date a person who would stereotypically be classified as white? As I am NIGERIAN….I am not just stuck to the confines of American ideologies (Again…thou shalt not judge). Again… my questions are now rhetorical… PLEASE DO NOT REPLY any further.So, I will not pass judgement on you. But I will tell you that the word of God is not abrasive, nor is it rude. We as a people cannot pass judgement or assume and then hide behind the Word. I respect your opinion, although I disagree with its use, but I will never past judgement on you for thinking the way that you do. THAT is what the Word has taught me. Maybe I am reading a different book. Therefore, I will thank you for your comments and ask that you respond no further. Again, your words are greatly appreciated. I pray that you have a blessed day and have an even better 2011. God bless!
Yes, child…. the conversation went there! I know I am not your typical Bible slinging Christian, but I too believe in the Word, and for some reason it just irks me when people use it to divide. There is always a time and a place for the word and it is only applicable at ALL TIMES when it is used correctly. End of story. I have had two of my HUGEST crushes on white guys. One was on …I think his name was Brian, in my high school Theatre group. Still to this day I have a picture of me sitting on the Shakespeare Theatre Festival steps behind him running my fingers through his hair. The other guy was Matthew and he went to my junior high school in Spokane, Washington. I loved even his glasses. There was something about his spirit that just made me like him. So, you can’t tell me that I can’t love who I choose to love because they are not from the same location as me. Especially when I see God in them. My god-family looks like a United Nations’ meeting; from my black siblings to their asian, white, and Pakistani (sp) spouses and some of the most beautiful children that you have ever laid eyes on…..I beg to differ that this was wrong. I somewhat believe that this is what God intended. But that’s just my opinion.
So, in closing, I think that the fellas have proven their point…. at least the 200 that I have come in contact with. They all believe that they value the black woman over any other race. But I do not think that it matters. Love is love, and if for some reason you see a white girl with one of our black brothers, wish him well. There was a time when a black man would have been hanged for expressing his love to a person with whom he connected with. That man was not destined for you. Why get your bloomers in a bunch for someone who isn’t checking for you because he wasnt put on this earth for you? Get out of their business and start focusing on your own. You could very well be missing the guy who thinks that YOU are beautiful and it has nothing to do with race. It has nothing to do with him staying with his own kind which rings to the rhythm of a KKK meeting. But it will have everything to do with him loving YOU. Be happy with that. Killing the hopes of someone else’s love is not the most productive thing that you can do. But having faith that a different kind of love, a love between a black and a white, can exist in its purest form should lend hope that love can survive under simpler circumstances. That is my opinion on that!
“I WISH A NEGRO WOULD TOUCH MY HAIR AFTER I GOT IT DONE! “ is heard being yelled from a gaggle of African-American females at a brunch. “He better go get a white girl for that” is the follow-up by the freshly done, mohawked co-signer giving cliché snaps and hi-fives in my imaginary scenario. Yet, imaginary or not….at least ONE African-American sister reading this nodded her head in agreement at the reality of such statements before reaching the sentence about it being a made up scenario. We live here. Somewhere between I Wish A Nigga Would Blvd and Madame CJ Walker Ave where it has become okay for our crown and glory to remain nothing more than a show piece head-dress to be paraded in front of our kings like an artifact in a museum; on display but not to be touched. How’d we get here?
Did we get to this point from the hours upon hours of sitting next to the stove in the kitchen smelling dinner cook as your mom threatened to burn your neck if you didn’t lean your head all the way to the side as Blue Magic sizzled in your ear? Or was it the reoccurring echo of your mother yelling, “Dont let anyone play in your hair while you are at school” that has somehow follow you into adulthood, long after the threat of lice were gone? Or was it the old wives tales that your hair carries energy and not just anyone should be playing in your hair like it is recess? Whatever the case may be, if your man is good enough to play all up and through your candy land….why can’t he play in your naps? It sounds so silly once I put it that way doesn’t it? You can sleep with me, but don’t touch my hair. I mean, if we told inner city girls that they needed to care for their bush as much as they do their…well..bush, we may have more virgins in the world and cut down on the world population. Why can a man have sex with us… but can’t touch our hair? Strange…..very , very , strange.
Knowing the Black woman better than she knows herself ( yes, I’m black), I know for a fact that no matter how liberal she may think that she is… she would rather vote Palin in office with Bush as her VP and McCain as Secretary of Defense before she would ever want to see a Black man with a White woman. It is fact. Even the liberal ones cringe at first sight, evaluate a flaw in her, compare it to the flaw in him and then become okay with it. It’s because we wonder…..what in the hell does she have to make him cross melanin lines and date outside of the cotton field. It is not racial. It is a direct example of confusion between Black males and females personified and in the flesh and we are left to face it. When not in “mixed company” we share derogatory statements like nigger jokes at a country club amongst ourselves about how the White woman will do the stuff that we wont do , never seeing it as a negative for us but rather a negative for her. This isn’t intended to be racial as it is informative. Its Lisa Lamponelli , Carlos Mencia, Paul Mooney and Richard Prior on stage being copy/pasted into the privacy of our own homes. They say what we think…and even reveal what we have yet to understand.
I’m not a freak by any stretch of the imagination, but I often wonder what do people get out of the whole “pull my hair” segment of sex, I mean who does that? If this were a question on Jeopardy the answer would be “What is Shit that White people do?”. I’m tender headed. I don’t like to comb my hair when I HAVE to yet alone allow a guy to grip and cause alopecia traction baldness in a heat of passion. So what do people get out of that? I am soooooo serious when I ask this question. Outside of kinky violence, I can’t see much else being received from it. Or can I?… Nope, I can’t. But I do have a serious question to ask, a few actually.
Black ladies…..do you think that we lose a huge portion of our intimacy with our Black men because we often refuse to let them touch our hair? I mean… think about it. To a guy, touching your hair is a subtle way of him sending you a signal that he is feeling you. Swimming or sexual encounters in bodies of water or the shower is on the top of many men’s fantasy lists; seen Baywatch Lately? Men go crazy as a woman does a slow walk out of the water and pushes her hair out of her face. The slow hair blow as a woman gets out of the car was designed by a man, for a man as a way to seduce him via Yaky 1b natural. Yet, ladies…. most of us do not partake in any of these activities. I don’t care if a woman is natural or creamy cracked out…. several will not let her man touch her hair. WE have built up this impermeable wall of Pink Oil Moisturizer and Jam that most black men have learned before they were able to pee directly into the bowl that they do not touch a black woman’s hair. We have unconsciously trained our future kings that they can touch everything on his future queen’s body but her crown. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I mentioned this to my big brother on Sunday, and I promise you that if he had wings he would have jumped off the sofa in agreement and flown away. For a moment it looked as if he had caught the Holy Ghost, but it was just frustration releasing. He wasnt even paying attention to my side conversation with his wife…. but I ‘ll be damned if he wasnt fully listening now! lol. I wish I had recorded it just so that women could see the amount of energy and excitement he expressed to finally have a black women expressing his same sentiments. He said, “I would even go as far as to say that THIS (not touching a black woman’s hair) is why SOME black men date outside of the race.” There you have it… straight from the horse’s mouth! Ladies, here you have a black man telling you that he could understand why a black man would date outside of his race….just to feel someone’s hair/scalp… than to stick around and not be able to express his silent form of affection to you. I’ve even posted this question on Twitter and got blocked from tweeting because I ran out of my daily allotted tweets by responding to the sea of guys who said that they wished they could touch their girl’s hair/head. I posted it again today and will see what happens.
So in closing, Black women… we’ve got to do better when it comes to allowing our kings to touch our hair. Maybe let him touch it for the few days leading up to a retouch, or right after you get it washed. Maybe this is the connection that we need to re-establish in order to allow intimacy to flow from a natural place, unrestricted by social taboos and norms. Maybe, and just maybe this will cause Mr. Lynch to shake in his grave if we can get one woman to allow her man to run his fingers through her hair. Would it hurt us to share this portion of ourselves? Would it kill us to open of a gateway to intimacy that hasn’t been there since the invention of a hot comb? Can we learn that there are things far more important than our hair? I hope so……your relationship is counting on it. And I am not asking you to let everyone touch your hair… just your man. SO yes, if the complete stranger (white woman) standing behind you at the Reagan National Airport decides amongst her friends that you have beautiful hair and decides to reach out and run her fingers through your hair…..(This happened to me)…..just breathe before you commit a felony. Everyone is not as restrictive as we are about our hair….and this is the day that you may need to examine why. It is my suggestion that we ask ourselves if this is the cause of why black love has a “loc” on intimacy.
I’ll never forget where I was when I first heard this song. I was on the phone with my high school sweetheart after about a year of me not speaking to him. He was back at his old tricks of trying to get me to fall for him all over again. He told me to check out this song, and I had never even heard of the artist, much less the song….but I said that I would. And I did. Loved it. Thought that I should burst out into singing “Killing Me Softly” because Urban Mystic was telling my whole life with his words.
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 