As Valentine Eve crept slowly upon me, I was faced with a few relationship revelations that I just couldn’t keep to myself. Now, to be bluntly honest with you, I have NEVER in my years on this earth had a Valentine, and the last time someone called me their girlfriend we had a cool white president who rocked a saxophone. So, all of this is coming from a slightly pessimistic place, yet realistic in its void of fantasy. Humor me, will ya?
This Valentine’s Day I got up this morning and I asked God if He would be my Valentine. He accepted. I felt empowered. I know that everything that follows this is going to sound like a session at a Lonely R’ Us Anonymous meeting, but it is very real to me this morning.
I am a loving person. I love to hug, I love to laugh, I love to cater to, and I love to make people feel loved. That is who I am. I didn’t come from that and so I crave it. I believe that you have to become what it is that you want and one day, maybe, you will get back what it is that you give. I like hard, I love hard, and I hurt twice as bad, but something inside me keeps praying that one day, just one day…..some guy is going to see what it is that I do and allow me to be me. I won’t have to explain myself, I won’t be put on the back burner, I won’t be interrupted, I won’t be told to pump my breaks when all I was doing was showing attention…. I will get to love just the way I want to show love.
All jokes aside, I can tell when a guy doesn’t think that he is worthy of the love and attention that he is getting. I recognize it because they do the same things I do when faced with a compliment that I just wish people would stop giving. It is a terrible place to be in. No one can love me or them out of that place but when the day comes and we feel we deserve it then things will get better. And I am recognizing that I am worthy of the love that I seek, from a person who is designed for me. No rebuttals, no amendments….I just have to wait. My wait has been longer than I would have liked….and no end is in sight. I just pray that God hasn’t forgotten about my heart, because that would suck.
So today, I got up, put on a dress (not an ounce of red on me), put on my makeup and walked out of my house feeling beautiful. I have love for myself. And yes, there are days when I wish I had a handsome beau on my arm that was getting to know me for me. And yes, those days hurt a lot when you realize that you are not even close in having that. But at the end of the day….I know that I am worthy of loving myself and will one day have that love enhanced by someone else. Until that day comes….. Valentines will suck, but I don’t have to dodge the day with fake illnesses and all black attire. I just have to face the world and show them that Valentine’s Day can be for those who love themselves, too.
:::drops head on desk::
I swear this sounds like a support group message.
Any who.
So, to my future Boaz. Thank you for seeing the love that I have for myself. Thank you for understanding how I communicate my affection for you. Thank you for allowing me to issue my like/love for you without rules. Thank you for being a gentleman to me at all times and knowing how to respect me by what you do and by what comes out of your mouth. I can’t wait to meet you. I know you will be just what I asked God for and what God wants me to have. Until then…. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Sincerely,
~My Mother’s Daughter
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 