Love & Hip Hop S2: Jump off,Jump-off

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 21 November 2011 at 10:02 pm

Season 1 Recap

Episode 1:Whoop that New Trick

Episode 2:Jump off, Jump-off

This show is too much to wrap up in just an hour. They need to have a marathon of this foolishness. lol  

Let’s remix this in 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 2, #Love&HipHop

Wait, did Kimbella say that she was endorsing Emily’s choice to leave Fab? She said she was trying to bond with Emily by trying to confess? In what world does that make sense? Someone please come and translate for me, because I don’t speak Jump-off.

So the next morning Chrissy has to tell Jim that she stomped a mud hole in the middle of Kimbella’s face.  Even Jim noticed that Kimbella didn’t have any consideration for Juelz when she blurted out having dated Fab. I, too, hope that this doesn’t bring a rift between Juelz and Jim.

Sidebar: Does Jim have a condition that makes it unable for him to look directly at the source he is conversing with. He is straight on some Stevie Wonder neck, right now.

Somaya is using this investor’s money to fix her teeth? Are you serious? Bitch, you better use that money for post editing to brighten your teeth. They are talking about her upcoming performance. I am still trying to figure out if her breasts are fake…because these bitches are huge an ill-proportioned as shit! WOW!!! Her teeth were just as jacked! Lol.

Yandy meets up with Kimbella to sit and talk. After Kimbella got her common sense moved to another zip code by Chrissy, Yandy was more focused on Chrissy and this is her first time talking to Kimbella. WOW!!!! Why does Kimbella not have on makeup? Did  her face hurt too much for the brush to touch her cheeks? And then Kimbella had the nerve not to wear any underwear while she was getting her ass kicked! Bwhahahahahaha. So she LITERALLY got her ass kicked. Bwhahahahahah! *dead*

Okay, when was this filmed, because Somaya’s song references Beyonce’s “Who Runs the World”? SO Somaya wanted B-Boys and Maurice fired them because they quoted one price and then asked for more money that way not in her budget. Oh Lord, why is Somaya on her Dionne Warwick? Like Maurice said, a year a go you were sleeping in an attic on a dirty mattress.

Side bar: Who gives a fuck about Baseball Wives? I guess all faceless wives want their 15 mins of fame. This will go down like Football Wives. How about I didn’t even know the show came and went….lol. Heard it on Wendy. Shame.

Somaya, Yandy, Emily, and Olivia meet up to talk about the fight. Can someone tell me why Yandy is talking like a rapper? Her hands move so much that I swear she is speaking Sign Language. Olivia said that it seemed like Chrissy knew more about the situation than the rest of them know.

I love how Oliva was open and honest when it came to her relationship with Somaya. Somaya invited everyone to her showcase and Olivia was like “I’m nooooot”, as in she’s not coming. And she flat-out told Somaya that they are not on good terms so she was not going to fake. Somaya, boo, you’re right. Oliviais not Beyonce or Ciara, but we know her faaaaaaaar better than we know you. People say Olivia and we go “Oh the singer. The chick who use to kick it with G-Unit?” We here Somaya and we say “WHO?”  See, my Microsoft Word doesn’t even recognize Somaya as a word. Get my drift?

I typed that last paragraph all through the performance fitting for Somaya. Emily, you can not help tacky. Just let her show up however she wants and do not put your name on that.

Kimbella invites Emily to talk about what went down. So Kimbella somewhat admits that she was a jump-off. Oh Lord, this conversation was so pointless between the two of them. So what! She fucked your man! Get a test and keep it moving. Simple bitches will never understand. She may not have known about you, but if you fuck a man who wont take you back to his home or meet his people….. you’re just a sideline hoe. How can I make that equate to music? Ummm….you’re an 8-bar hoe? Ummm…you’re a verse and Emily’s the chorus? I don’t know… bitch you were just a hoe. Lol.

Can someone please tell Yandy that swooped baby hair is soooooo Janet Jackson circa Pleasure Principle. And how is Chrissy yelling while supposedly getting a calm and soothing pedicure? Yandy is playing the Suzie of this show. Chick… leave it be. Chrissy is straight disrespecting Yandy at this money. And Yandy took it. Yandy got Chrissy a book called “The Daughter-in-law Rules”. Ummmm wouldn’t you have to actually BE a daughter-in-law for that book to apply?

Who is this guy playing hype man with Somaya. Oh… Calvin, and he really is the Hype Man…lol. Maurice is falling apart on his duties. Somaya, call Jim on him….lol. And Maurice is threatening to quit as Somaya’s manager? Oh Lord. They kill me.

Chrissy meets up with Emily to discuss what happened over dinner at Vespa’s. Emily asked Fab if what Kimbella said was true and he confirmed. The only difference was that Kimbella said that they dated and Fab said “if after the club is a date, then yeh…we dated.” Chrissy apologized and Emily said there was no need because she enjoyed it. Lol. And then Emily began to cry over Fab. Boo, just keep it moving.

Club Amnesia is going to be where her performance will be? This rehearsal is HILARIOUS!!!! The guys dropped her when they went to put down the chariot and she cut her hand. Ummm… if she doesn’t want to be compared to anyone else, why is the wearing the Nicki Minaj/Lady Gaga chained sunglasses?

Wait…. Olivia came to Somaya’s show? She just wanted face time…she could care less about this chick. This first dress is hideous! Because it looks horrible on her. The show did not look good. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! Why is Somaya’s zipper undone? These pants look tight as hell any way. I was NOT feeling the snippet of the performance that I saw.

OH HELL NO!!!! Mama Jones’ song comes on while they are out at Somaya’s performance and Yandy gets up and dances to it. Chrissy was not feeling too hot. And then Chrissy goes in on how Yandy keeps saying that the checks are the only thing that matters. SMDH. Jim…get your girl.

Next Week: Chrissy vs Yandy, Olivia vs Somaya, Jim vs Yandy & Emily vs Kimbella. Goodness gracious!


~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

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