200 Men Said….OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!

So, by now I pray that you have read my blog called “You Killed Chivalry, You Bastard!”. If not, I suggest you head on over there and get to reading so you can know where this stems from. Don’t worry… we won’t wait for you to return, but the blog will still be here when you do.

Now, as I mentioned in last month’s blog, (You Killed Chivalry You Bastard, Pt 1)YKCYB for short, I HAD to take this to my 200 Men, it wouldn’t have been right for me to take my “I am Woman Hear Me Roar” stance without consulting the world’s top male perspective…lol. Buuuuuuuut I must confess, they don’t know why I asked them. I pretty much assume that they think that every question I ask them is something that has personally happened to me. Boy, they must think I am jacked up. Well, the truth of the matter is, not all of what I ask has happened to me, and I hold the key to which of it has……and judging by YKCYB, this one happened to me. But, like I said…..I didn’t need for my 200 Men to know that from the jump. I wanted their pure and honest answer on the situation, without me swaying what asshole did to provoke me to ask the question in the first place. I must say, my 200 men never let me down.

So, I asked the following question:

Do you, as a man, think that a man should open all car doors for a female….no matter if she is a driver or passenger? And should he ALWAYS open these doors?

And they came back with…… (Warning, I do not edit or proofread majority of their responses…lol):

• !: Of course he should. Being a gentleman takes priority over everything else. Now, if a female doesn’t want me to do that, I [may] still do it. Some females like the bad boy drama; I grew out of that by 24. Some women can’t handle a gentleman..no drama
• Mr. Right: If she likes that type of stuff. Some women are just so dang independent, the “I’ll open my own door”,  “I don’t need a man to do [anything] for me” types out there.

•  Ddouble R:  Some would say [chivalry] is dead and most of you females still have the knives in your hands. [2Deep: What’s up with all of this YOU FEMALES mess? I’m not like that] “I’m too independent” , ” I can do it all by myself.” Alrighty then. the question? yes i think a man open the door for a female. Shows respect and proper upbringing.
• Brown H: I think I should open the door if I’m the driver or maybe if it my car and she driving it. But if its her car and she’s use to it she can open he door because she’s got the keys 
• Lateef25: Yeah, [on] the first few dates [2Deep:WTF? Then you will stop after that? Lawd have mercy]
• Jeff C:No.
•  
•  Ron S: I do not. The reason? Women are more independent now. Back in the day, a man would open the door as a way of showing not only that she is Queen but also that he is King. That is not to say that a man can not open the door for her now.
•  STEVEN L: Yes, he should 
• Antoine W: I think that a man should open doors, car doors and all that, if that’s what he chooses to do; without any obligation. And i think that a woman should do the same; treat him like she wants to be treated. 
• KINGDOM GATE ENTERTAINMENT: I think this is more traditional than anything,its doesn’t mean you’re any less of a man. Some of us do it naturally, some don’t. If he chooses to open it…. then fine. If he doesn’t, maybe you may want to look at him closely. 

•  King Kev: Yes, but I also think women should lean over and unlock the door for the man. [2Deep:I agree…blog coming soon]
• Nigi “Pistol Star” Pu Yi: Naw.. Maybe On Special Occasions Wen Goin out N Makin A Entrance Or Exit..But Not All The Time..N Yes Even If Shes Driving! [2Deep: Yes, I refuse to edit comments that don’t agree with my POV..lmao] 
• James F: No…a man should never open a car door for a woman…she’s has two arms she can open her own door [2Deep: *Blank Stare* Ummm…sir. You will be single for the rest of your life or  you’ll marry a basic bitch. Just saying. These better be jokes..lol] 
•  ! A ! James L: Yes! If It’s raining she’s on her own! Lol! just kidding. 2Deep: Humor will get you every where…lol]
•  James M: It depends on if the woman wants him to do it. I think if he is driving then he should open the door for her. If she is driving she is capable of opening the door for herself but he should wait until she is in before he gets in. [2Deep:  I ALMOST agree with you. But even then, there is something sexy about a guy taking the keys and opening the door for her.] 
• rroyallty: Yes, I believe in opening car doors for a female. But to be honest, I probably wouldn’t do it in every situation. Suppose we exchanged words and we weren’t on the best terms?…she will be opening hers. Depends on the individual..but doors should be opened
•  DSMILEY1: Always, & it shows he cares

• MR.D SMOOVE: Yes, he should! 
• G’s Pets “Hottest OWNER !!!☞: Certainly !!! 
• Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: As a man, I always open the car door, whether she is the driver or not, and that also goes for all doors. However, women (in general) have to learn how to let a man be gentleman.
•   Marcellus A(producer): YES……
• Tori A: if she’s driving, no i wont open the door for her. i wudnt b holding the steering wheel for her [2Deep: I introduce to you another one of my resident smartasses…lol. ]
•  Jay:  A man should open all doors. However, in this day and age, most of these women don’t know what it’s like to have a man open doors for them. So, when a man does it, it’s not appreciated. Some females would even say he’s soft for doing so! How stupid!
•   Antoine J: Yes, he should. Her being the driver is a little different, but he should always open doors.
•   on the rocks… : Oooo tough one… Hell no. [2Deep:Ummmm I am confused. Was the hell no for opening any door or ALWAYS opening doors? Please elaborate so I can know how to bless you out…lmao]

 

And the list of gentlemen keep piling in!!!!! My Favo comment came from:

• Truth B Told It’s funny but it’s sad to hear about a man who will NOT open ANY doors for a woman knowing damn well his momma had taught him better….BUT, whats even sadder is when a woman has doors opened for her, her seat pulled for her, or just hospitality offered period…and she turns out to be the BITCH that our mommas warned us about.

 My reply to Truth B Told was:

• WOWZERS!!!! I totally agree with you on this. So the question becomes….how do we get more males to become chivalrous men and more females to appreciate and EARN the right for those men to put forth such effort? B/c I think it is a clear sign when a man DOESN’T, you let him know that you require such action, and he still doesn’t. THAT is when I feel disrespected, because I dont think that all males are taught to open ANY door for a woman. And some who have, over time, have chosen to pick and choose which doors require their attention and which don’t. You just gave me another question to ask.

 

 

I understand, ever guy is not taught that he has to open doors for females, I get that. For instance, I had an ex who thought that the only time he was suppose to open the car door for a woman was when he was driving.  His reasoning? His dad always drove his mom so that is when he saw his dad opening the passenger car door for his mother. I had to show him how important it was to me, how much it made me appreciate him more, and how it was a chivalrous act. He heard my words, he took them to heart, and no matter where I was in the car….he opened my door. Just him HEARING me meant the world to me. So, for him to actually put into ACTION what he heard, despite his previous ideas on the concepts,  it just showed me how much of a MAN he was. He saw that it wouldn’t hurt him to take a couple extra steps for me. Just those extra steps to walk to my side of the car translated into the steps he would take to do something for me; it made me feel appreciated.

 

 Yes, I understand that not doing it doesn’t make you less of a man…. but the fact that he did….made him MORE of a man. The reason I can say that is because if you take more effort than the next man…. you should get more recognition.

 

Having posted my YKCYB blog, it just showed me what a guy was NOT willing to do for me. If a guy is not willing to take a few extra steps around his car in the name of chivalry, I damn sure couldn’t expect him to give me a kidney if he were a donor match and my life was on the line. Yes, I know…dramatic..but that is what it means when you put something into perspective. Something as simple as opening the door for a girl is a tell-tell sign as to what a man is willing to do for her. I could see if I didn’t tell him what it meant to me, but I did. I was upset the first time and I spoke about it once we got back to his house….and he still didnt make the switch once we were leaving the house for a second time in the SAME day. Well, he let me know just how much he thought of me and I have to accept that. He let his thoughts, point of views, and pride/ego superseded what I thought should happen.

 

Maybe I am blowing things out of proportion, but I doubt it. I just think I was born in the wrong era. I like for my man, or current guy I am dating/kicking it with, to be a man! I want him to be chivalrous and romantic. I want him to lift heavy stuff, build entertainment centers, open doors, pull out chairs, and kill spiders. I am not one of those women who screams my independence to the mountaintops. I am very much an independent woman, but I am also a Southern Belle who knows how to take care of home and put my man first if indeed he has earned the right to be treated as such.

 

So, maybe…just maybe, that is what it all boils down to. Maybe I hadn’t earned the right to have him open my door. Even though I doubt he would do it if I had, but I am playing my own devil’s advocate here. But a part of me would like for guys to be men at ALL times to every woman first…and should she prove that she is not worthy of those chivalrous actions…THEN you can pull back. It just hurts me to see that guys don’t even wish to put the effort forth to begin with.Would it really kill him to take an extra step? But like the ass asked me when I requested that he open my door,”What’s wrong with your fingers?” He’s right…something was wrong with my fingers. They werent in the proper position to say “Fuck You”!

 

Well, the MEN have spoken….open the damn door…lol

 

P.S. This was written in April 2011……let me know if things have improved for from a male/female perspective.

 

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~