Ultimate Merger S:2~ Star Struck?!

In Take 2: Film/TV Reviews on 8 August 2011 at 12:54 pm

Episode 1: STAR STRUCK?!

Yes, I know that I am BEYOND tardy, but I had a poetry slam fundraiser to attend last Thursday and I am just now getting around to this. Please, pardon my tardiness….lol. I only have so many hours in the day to work, watch shows, blog, eat and sleep. Lol.

Take 2 in 5, 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 2, #It’sToccaraSnitches

I am trying my hardest NOT to crack up laughing at the selection of guys that they have for Toccara. I mean, she was on America’s Next Top Model and some of these dudes look like auditions for America’s Next Top Prison. Really? And I am going to need Toccara to walk into that room better….her walk with the pan up was horrible. The outfit is cut and her body is banging…..but yeh, Ms. J must be screaming at the television after that walk, honey.

Elijah, the 26yo R&B singer…. He looks cute. He can get it. Nick, 23yo student….in my opinion….needs a little more swag. He’s from Minnesota ( I have family in Minnesota…and honey he is trying too hard). What was up with that “gang” handshake he had going on?

OH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL’s Kitchen Nawl! What is up with the Yaki 1B, Wet & Wavy monstrosity that Toccara has on her head in this side interview? It looks like that mess Nicki Minaj had on in her You See Right Through Me video. Wait, is that even the name of the song? You know how black folks make up titles…lol. I do, however, love her hair when she is in the gold jumper… just cute. Her hair looks lovely in the ringlet curls when she wears the green outfit in the side interview.

In my opinion, and I don’t know Toccara, I think that ALL short dudes would have to go. If they are shorter than her in heels I would think she wouldn’t be attracted to them. I don’t think that race is an issue for her although the brothas may get first dibs. And then Cedric, the Terrance Howard looking dude with the cowboy hat, asked her what her sign was. She immediately said don’t go there because she will next a person based on his sign. Funny how my Bishop mentioned yesterday in church what we hold on to, such as horoscopes. Lol.

Okay, it is going to take me a minute to get use to Toccara’s voice. I forgot that I can only tolerate it for so long. And did she just say that she is “a grown woman and she knows how to handle a room of mAn”? Yes, man, not men……hmmmmm.  Oh, upon review…she is saying man when she should say men. We need to work on that.

Jonith, the 26yo firefighter, is sexy as hell, but he doesn’t meet my own height requirements so NEXT!  Now Toccara said that she likes Cedric, the 41yo strength coach and Terrance look-alike. And who is this dude that is practically dragging her by her arm across the room. He just did NOT do a magic trick to make a yellow scarf disappear while holding a cigar in his mouth. He is a smoker? NEXT!!!! But if Tocarra loves it….to each her own. Umm, what is a strength coach anyway?

How many times is she going to say Frank before she remembers that his name is NOT Fred? Lol. Or does it matter since he asked her age and she got up and left any way. Lol. I don’t get the big deal…. We can just Google search you honey, Ms. Toccara Jones born on March 13th, 1981 in Dayton, Ohio. So, Frank… You do the math. Lol.  And the Elijah dude had a WEIRD face when those shades came off. I know that as soon as she asked him to take them off she wishes he would have put them back on. His eyebrows were so far up his forehead that they pulled his nostrils up too. And he did have a good voice, but I agree with Toccara, he was trying too hard. Too much too soon. I need to teach a class on this and get PAID!

Ummm.. why does Nick have this creepy, drunk, stalker vibe going on. The look on Toccara’s face looks as if she is praying someone will come and save her. She also looks confused. He said that her gold jumper makes him feel like he is : in the gold rush.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA. And then he rubs his hand across her left shoulder, that would have been enough for me to eliminate him right then and there. YUCK!

And Virginia, is this the BEST that you have to send? He gets her by herself and he breaks the one rule she said do NOT do. He told her that he was a Pisces and since he knows that she is a Pisces they should be cool. Well, she quickly popped his bubble and said “ I don’t even like Pisces.” In the word of my diva, Angelique, BOOM! Now, Kevin, the 29yo MMA fighter, seems to be quite a catch. The face isn’t on point… but what do you expect from an MMA fighter. I like his swag though, so he can stay. Lol. And Toccara thinks so as well. Lol. He said that being here fighting her fo over 13 other men goes against everything he believes in but he wants to try it out for the possibilities of being with her. How sweet.

Did they really play the crickets on the Asian guy? Lol. And is Extenda-Eyebrows Elijah trying to get with the bartender. Y’all…. I wish you could see this dude’s face w/o his sunglasses! Lol. Maybe the camera isn’t doing justice to his face. * Does a Google Search* Yeh, that’s it. O_0.

 I wish I could’ve found one without hsi glasses on though. But you see how high up his eyebrows are and how far back his hairline is? Nick is CREEPING ME OUT!!!!! HOLD UP! Did Nick just fall from the top bunk bed? Bwhahahahaha *Rewind* lol.  Y’all all of this is only 8 minutes into the show. Lol.

Seeing these guys behave like high schoolers is HILARIOUS! They are punking each other, waking people up and arm wrestling. Lol. Ever since I saw the video of the guy’s arm snapping at the elbow because of an arm wrestling match…. I can’t watch arm wrestling matches any more. Just gross. So, I think that Kevin (MMA Fighter) is going to win this match against Jason, the 30yo Model. Lol. It was a stalemate for a minute but Kevin did win. Lol. Wait… did Nick just call Jason the black fly and Kevin the big black fly swatter? O_0.

I wish she would stop saying MAN when she should say Men. She did not say MAN’S Warehouse. Isaac the concierge has better grammar skills than her. Lol. UGH! They look like yummy Jabberwockies with these grooms men ensembles on. Just tasty! Some of them needed their faces covered…lol. SO they are having a steppers competition?  Nick is first… comical. Did he really do the juggle breasts or grab a booty? And Damond, 26yo truck driver, look like he was about to get paid as a stripper at a bachelorette party? I feel kind of odd having the other guys sitting on the side watching. Hmmmm. I think they would have performed differently if the other guys weren’t watching them, you know how guys get. Frank is a TERRIBLE dancer. Bwahahah he did mention ADBC.  Jason ( the model) is a horrible dancer as well… what is this bounce. Toccara said that he looks like a depressed giraffe…hahaha*dead* Ron motioned with his finger for Toccara to come here and she shook her head no… lol. Jonith ( firefighter) is too shy when he dances. Jay (the Asian) did some tai chi movement…lol. Funny!!! Elijah did like this crip walk , floor humping combination. AHAHAAHAHAHAHA! Did he forget that there were other men in the room… or that this wasn’t the first impression that you would want Toccara to have of you? See… this is a sign that a dude has no game whatsoever. And his floor humping looks HORRIBLE! It is NOT sexy at all! Nick said it looked like he was going to get the floor pregnant…lol.  Cedric’s dance…. Smdh. Someone said he looked like a drunk hillbilly. He even brought out the moonwalk…lol.

The second part of the challenge was that she could only dance with 4 guys. So she picked Jay (the Asian), Cedric, Damond & Frank. Damond had her too close and it looked like he was molesting her on the floor. Jay really doesn’t demand chemistry and sex appeal. Frank really knew how to step. Cedric was giving her instructions to tell her how they were dancing. Lol. Cedric said that he had bunions…lol. And Cedric won. I think she was bias…but I can’t prove it.

Rumor Hotel hosted a pool party for them to attend. I am LOVING this swimsuit that she is rocking!!!!! She makes me wish that I hadn’t skipped the gym this morning. I really, really wish that I could find this swimsuit!!! Frank cracked me up the way he joked on how he was surprised that Toccara got her weave wet…lol. You know black women don’t get their hair wet! Oh A.J. (the Pisces) got the one on one date with Toccara….wait… did this clip just stop on me? AUGH!

Got it back! So A.J., he even gave her a foot massage. Ron got the second one-on-one date. He is a writer and he looks like he has his head on straight.  Sebastian up and told her that he was a Scorpio. Why can’t they listen and follow instructions? And I would have let her at the pool too for saying “self indolled” instead of self-indulged. Why is Jason doing too much? UGH! Sat down somewhere! Yes, SAT DOWN! Toccara picked Kevin (MMA) and Cedric to go with her at the end of the night. They went to a private suite. So while in the room, Elise Neil comes in and gives advice on burlesque dance. I love how Kevin thought it was a test and he worked hard not to focus on Elise…lol. Toccara said that she doesn’t have hips but she has @$$…. ummmm o_0. Cedric ended up staying for the extra special treat she had in store for him.

I agree with the fellas that Damond did behave inappropriately when Elise Niel came out to the pool to introduce herself. He was star struck and trying to get himself known. WOW!!!!!!!!!!! Toccara’s outfit she put on in the room for Cedric while in the private suite is on WOW!!! I love the see-through shower as she did a burlesque show inside of the shower.  My only thing with Ced is that I LOVE a guy with self-control and a subtle swag. He is too over the top for me. He actually annoys me, entertaining, but annoying.

SO the fellas are staying in the Trump Hotel. Niiiiice.  And did these fools make up their own government in the house? LMAO!!! Cedric is President, Nick is the Vice President, Elijah is the Head of State…smdh… this is hilarious to me. Kevin is a king and foreign dignitary…lol. COMEDY!!!

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, LOCK IT AND HELP ME STRETCH!!!!! Srgt. Harvey Waldon from Celebrity Fit Club walks in the door and I almost want to touch myself…. That is one of the FINEST men that I know on this earth so help me lawd! *licks my lips* Wait, did Waldon say that he was going to make these dudes sign a prenup? Hahahaahhaha. COMEDY!!!These dudes didn’t read a dang thing, or if they did the camera man didn’t show them reading.  And Nick said he had to go to the bathroom so bad that he could almost taste it. Hahahaah HILARIOUS! FYI, I am so sick of this “cocktail playas” mess. I also think that it is stupid for Jason to say who his competition is.

I LOVE how gorgeous she looks in the mediation room. She looks like Tyra did ….lol. HILARIOUS!  Ummm… did she just say that “everything you do and everything you say will be EFFECTIVE in my decision tonight.”? O_0. Maybe it’s because I know that was the wrong word to use… or because I am a stickler on words…lol.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD! SO Toccara brings up Elijah flirting with the bartender. He says that it took him so long to get the drinks because she was “an old white woman”. Another one of the contestants, white male, jumps on him and says that you don’t have to pull the race card. I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN STAND UP IN THE FACE OF WRONG! PREACH, BOO! Send this miniature-eyebrow having fool home! LOVE IT!!! Jason (Model) said, “I wouldn’t say that I dislike anyone here, but I am in a competition for you. SO if I step on their toes, it’s not because I don’t like them, it’s because they were in my way.” CLASSIC! SNAP! Damond got called out because Elise mentioned to Toccara that he was possibly flirting with her. But it didn’t end there. Toccara blew up on his “star struck” comment and told him that she is the “biggest MF star up in this whole thing, and he should be so star struck over her that he doesn’t see anyone else. She is enough!” *Two finger snap!*

The four guys in the seat are: Jonith (She felt like he wasn’t really into the challenge) and he threw Jay Lee under the bus as he became the second person in the hot seat. AJ got a hot seat as well based on his “Pisces” comment.  Damond ALMOST got the last hot seat but Nick took the seat instead. She basically told him to get serious about this competition should he stay around.  And AJ is going home! See fellas, please listen to us. Most women will tell you exactly what they want and when you don’t listen you can get booted. NEXT!!!! Toccara decided that some other people should go home too. So Jonith and Jay were sent packing. Looks like Nick was saved by the skin of his teeth.

Wow… this is going to be an interesting season.


~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

  1. This is truly a funny blog! Had tears rolling!

  2. Hmmmmm. I think Sebastian is so cute! But Tocarra wise her best bet is Jason he is cute and has Height and they are soooooooooooo cute together. King is way to short for her like c’mon really?

    • I agree….but we will see. She is so fixed on The older dude….Cedric ( i think is his name) that no telling what she will end up doing.

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