As I have mentioned before, I have 2 nephews, 4 brothers, and 7 godbrothers…so the plight of man has become a big deal to me. I have no clue why I care so much, but I do. It often times baffles me how we can place so much concern into our women and not instill the same values in our men that would allow them to appreciate those in his girl when he sees them. There is a HUGE disconnect here.
As a girl I was taught to respect my body, make people earn me, and how every guy is not worthy enough to even step next to me. But I don’t think that my male siblings were taught the same things. I know for a fact a ton of my guy friends were not taught the same things. Or maybe they were, but it was for different reasons. Maybe they were taught by their mothers to not be with every girl but only for the purpose of not getting her pregnant or to get a girl of quality pregnant if it should occur. I know this could be an exaggeration, but who knows what is taught in opposition of my feminine training via the Man Code handbook. I just don’t think that our men are getting the same core messages as our girls as we grow up.
We are quick to point a finger and call a guy a dog before we help. Women are excelling in school and in the work place faster than guys and THIS in turn messes with the head of household dynamic. Has anyone else seen the connection? Has anyone reached out? We see guys flashing their private parts in their profile pics, vying to get as many girls as possible to sleep with them in a month, and abusive self behaviors. This saddens me when I see it. I reach out and ask the guy what makes him do this, why does he think this behavior is appropriate and many times I don’t get an answer. SO I decided to ask my 200 men directly to see what they think.
200 men were asked:
Do you, as a man, feel that you were taught to value your body, treat it as a temple, or to make people earn you? If not, do you think those things are important to you? Or are they meant only for women?
As usual, I wish I had the patience to copy past 200 responses, but I don’t… so here is what some of them said:
- big slim: I LUV ME..AND MY BODY MEANS EVERYTHING 2 ME
- Bear0007: It is meant for every one love, God gave us these bodies to be his temple and treat it as such.
- Black Kryptonite aka the KID: I think as a black young male, we are taught that are bodies will get us far in life whether with sports or women. It is important to maintain a healthy body for a long life.
- Sybree B: I feel that a man and a woman should treat their body as their temple because it shows how they actually feel about themselves.And it shouldn’t matter as long as you have self-confidence..
- Code Name Bigsexy: only for women.as a man you were never taught to do any thing [so] your body tells you [to] go get it if you like it.i think
- Ddouble R: (1) yes in many ways like tatts and Piercing they’re all good but why mess with perfection? it tells people you like how you look, so handle me with care. (2) no that’s dealing with everyone….. goes both ways….
- *~ MR SPONTANEOUS ~*!!PEACE!!: Well i was raised by a Single mom and Sisters, the values that were instilled in me was that i should treat my body with the utmost respect and shouldn’t be desecrated. So i have very high value for my body.
- Mr. Mayor**DARKSTARZ INC PREZ**: Although these things were taught to me they are not taught to the majority of males… Society teaches that boys will be boys. They are important to me but it all depends on your background
- James M: I wasn’t taught to value my body in a traditional way like at home. I only learned those things when I started playing sports at high school and college levels. Learning to eat right and stay in shape is something everyone can benefit from.
- Eric R: yes, i was taught to treat my body like a temple.
- James L: I had to learn to value my temple. I was taught by my mom to be a good person. When I started reading the bible it taught me to honor God with my body. It’s very important to live a balanced life. Men should stand strong just like women should.
- Chris C: Never really thought about it…some good food for thought!…I’ll get back to you on this one!
- Aries Brother: For the first part of this question..No I wasn’t. It is something I learned myself as time came and went. I do feel it is important to be conscientious of what we put in our body. But we don’t always want what is good to, and [good] for us in this life.
- Dezi: I was raised to always value my body and when you do my body(temple) will display itself so society will see it. And yes I believe men should be earned and not compromised. Also the Male body was always for the WOMAN to enjoy.
- Jeff C: I think I was taught that but I have learned .
The one thing that sticks out to me is that just about EVERY guy thought that treating his body like a temple meant to feed it right and to work out. Not one thought about the sexual aspects and the access that they give people to their bodies. There is a disconnect here. Why are our young men not receiving the message that they too are worth the wait? Why are they not making these chicken head girls work for them? Why is the easy was desired over the road less traveled? Dont they know that the road less traveled is a gold mine full of prime self-respect real estate just waiting for people to come scoop it up? Not one really mentioned that they stick to such strict guidelines as the girls do. We’ve got to change this!!!!! We’ve got to produce better boys that will become better gentlemen and then on to be better Men period!!!! I think I just found another one of my life’s calling by starting this series. I’m here to help my fellow man! I’m okay with that, because the better they are, the better the world will be!!!!
~Sincerely,
~*My Mother’s Daughter*~
Sincerely,
~*My Mother’s Daughter*~
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 
On top of that, guys who flash their privates and chests are tempting girls to cheat on their boyfriends or husbands. Even guys flash other guys’ girlfriends or wives like male strippers do. Imagine if your girlfriend or wife received pictures of naked men through e-mail or IM, you’d go insane and want to kill the other man for flashing her.
I agree. It has become the norm these days, but guys dont see that the more they flash their bodies…the more they are showing us that they dont view themselves as treasures that deserved to be earned. Hell, even the screen names these days are ridiculous! Just had a dude named “love2lickemlow” Really? He was 40 years old!!! Remember the good old days when you could tell the men from the boys? Damn, I miss those days.
As a child and also as a young boy, I realized that it were my personal parts that interested them the most. This is what made me curious about their personal parts too, as that’s what I had learnt. No matter how good looking your face is, how well behaved, soft spoken or intellectual you are. You are going to be liked or appreciated for your private parts only.
I grew up with the same mind set, and started exploiting my “hidden talents”. That it’s the size/shape thing that eventually matters to people. Though, at times I would feel bad about it, and hoped to connect and liked for better reasons but it didn’t really work.
I had a very good friend, known to me for almost 2 years, who apparently was a great admirer of mine; used to praise my conversations and view point a lot. So I had the audacity to ask him “what do you like the most about me”. He took around a minute to answer me “well, to be honest, it’s your D….. That I like the most”. I was shocked for a while and then laughed my head off. You know why? Because I realized that was what I wanted to hear too. As that made my manhood fly over the clouds.
When I made my first profile on a gay dating site, I didn’t add any private pictures. So there was simply no response. There would be only 2-3 hits in a week and that too without any message. But the moment, I added my private pics, the response was overwhelming, my profile became most popular, with over 60,000 hits and countless messages within a few months.
BUT, this didn’t make me happy. I didn’t find what I wanted to. Instead of looking inside, I called them all mother……..rs and sex freaks, who only ask questions about sex, sizes etc. But then I realized, it was all my fault. I was trying to become their choice, instead of choosing for myself. I was only trying to attract them by displaying my private parts and then expect them to appreciate me as a human and not as a sperm.
Thereafter, I removed all my private pics from my profiles, and instead expressed my feelings and thoughts only. My desires, and my needs, what I wish and what I want, and most importantly how I want. I made my choice known to me and to them. Thereafter, I never needed to display my private parts or to ask them to show theirs. It was only then that I found my love and the kinda people that I always wanted to. But could never find coz I didn’t know my choice and therefore wanted to be their choice instead.
When you start a relation by being their choice, you always try to remain their choice. Always try pleasing them and then soon get exhausted to part away. Leaving you wondering, “why don’t I stick to one partner for long”!!!! What joins us together is what splits us apart.
As for women, I don’t have much to say. Because, my perception (repeat perception) is some what different. I don’t think they don’t display their privates as much as men, in fact I presume they show them a lot more than men. First of all, being different from men, they have a different criteria for being sexual or sensual. The nudity parameters (only talking from a social point of view, neither religious nor chauvinistic) for women are entirely different from men. If a man is dressed only in a shorts or even an underwear, he is not considered nude nor does that tantamount to nudity. But imagine a girl “dressed” only in a bikini !!!! In social get togethers, men are dressed nomally, but women mostly dress some what sensually. Short dresses, displaying cleavage or a bit more, back less blouses, (too) short skirts etc ( I personally don’t mind ). Men and women have “reverse” bodies, male body looks most sensual when it shows private parts, while the female body looks most sensual when it stays just short of private parts.
Secondly, it may be because men and women have different feelings or different approach towards those feelings. As far as sexual relations are concerned, men like to dominate, while the women like to be dominated. So those who dominate, don’t much care about personal respect and don’t mind displaying their body parts to any one. While, those who like to be dominated, need personal respect too, to let some one dominate them. Hence, women are more careful as a natural behaviour in their approach towards a sexual relation and thereby in display of private parts too.
Thanks again, Raza. I think that you worded everythin beautifully. You painted a picture that I was waiting for quite some time for a male to say was the case.
I think the same is for women. Many of us go through that phase of trying to b ehis choice and we wind up making every choice in the book than the choices that are intended to reap beautiful outcomes. As a woman, I personally would prefer a man fully dressed than a guy running naked in front of me. Though I am highly physically attracted to men, there is something about the mental illusion and the anticipation of seeing what is beneath. I get rather turned off when that illusion and anticipation is taken away from me. When i see profiles on the internet of guys showing private parts or flexed muscles, I almost want to scream at them. WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS YOUR BEST PART?! WHY HAVE YOU OFFENDED ME WITH PICTURES OF YOUR PRIVATES!! THIS IS NOT THE BEHAVIOR OF A MAN! I think this is the behavior of a lost boy trying to grasp his manhood and keeps falling short. There is something in this ideal that is hurting our communities. Both men and women must learn that the best aspects of themselves can never bee seen with the naked eye or captured by Kodak.
I wish I had the strength to reach out to everyone to get this across. We must set the standard for how we are treated, and those who do not agree can keep it moving. Arh! I am sitting here wanting to literally scream and hopefully someone will hear me. There is no honor in the dishonoring one’s self.