Adam’s Cracked Rib

In Relationships on 2 November 2010 at 10:51 am

So, yesterday I went to church. I was a good little Christian sitting in the balcony at 8am service waiting to hear a wonderful word. I received many, but one train of thought from the visiting Pastor rubbed me the wrong way. And I wasn’t alone.

After service a friend and I went to Busboys and Poets for brunch when we both spoke on our mixed feelings about the comment. The Pastor said, “If a woman can guard her man’s heart then no other woman can have him.” He also went on to discuss how many religions think that the rib from which woman was made is the very rib that once covered Adam’s heart. That sounds all well and good BUT…you mean to tell me that if I do everything that is required of me to guard and protect my man’s heart then he will stand beside me through thick and thin? Really?

With me having just broken off a situation…let me analyze this. You mean to tell me that my continuously supporting this dude through thick and thin, sitting in the cold for 3 hours while he played basketball because he wanted me to watch him play… hell I paid for the basketball they were playing with, checked on him from time to time, spent time with him when I could, complimented him, and encouraging him to continue his studies so he could graduate in December should have been almost, if not enough, what he should need in order to feel as if his heart was protected? Or what about me curbing my appetite to become the stereotypical angry black woman when he started bugging out and by staying calm and respectively telling him that I was upset, directly stating what I needed, offering him numerous times to correct the mistake just to have him screw me over again, was the proper way to “guard his heart”? If so, then why are we no longer together?

Much like my friend, I had several gripes with this pastor’s way of thinking. For starters, he was making a generalized statement. All males are not mature enough to know when they have a good woman before them who is willing to help and support them through thick and thin. They tend to take those kinds of women for granted, and manage to fall in love with the badly bruised and damaged woman who treats them like shit and manages to quite those actions as the type of women they hate while claiming that there are no good women left. I suggest they lift up there feet and check the soles for the string of good women who he managed to step on through his immature phase. Also, he didn’t flip the story and tell women what they will get out of the process. You mean to tell me that I have to do all of this for my man and he wont go anywhere….but what will he do while he is there to keep me. Isn’t a man supposed to protect? Why was this left out of the message? Women are always taught how to be there for their men but seldom do I ever here a good message about how a man needs to be there for his woman. Quiet as it was kept, Mary was almost a single mother because David didn’t want to be a fool…but that is another story.

In short, each man is different, and every man will respond to a good woman in completely different ways. No matter how hard a woman will guard her man’s heart it is up to him whether or not he is ready for such attention, whether he deserves that kind of attention, and if this is the kind/type/size of woman he wants that kind of attention from. In most cases, not all, dudes receive that kind of dedication and love from his woman and he thinks that she is trying to tie him down and he runs. What is a girl to do?

Well, since I am a descendent of Adam’s cracked rib, I have to tell you that we received something broken and we keep getting the message that we need to fix it, guard it, protect it , love it and support it, but when we do the males often times tell us that we are too independent and that they don’t need us to do anything for them. So, do I go by the Bible or do I go by these misled males out here who I really don’t think that they know what they want themselves? This could go for women as well…. But you all didn’t receive one of our ovaries…so you can’t talk about us in the same manner. With us Biblically having a piece of man in us, shouldn’t we inherit some of his qualities? Shouldn’t I be able to be bold and independent? Shouldn’t I be able to guard his heart in the same fashion that he is meant to guard mine?

If I could write a letter to Adam, I would tell him that it is okay to have a woman support you. With Eve being such a picky specimen in the first place….for her to have chosen you should be considered an honor. We don’t like everyone, we don’t offer our hearts to just anyone, never have and never will….and if you want to stop seeing bitter and damaged women….stop extending us just your cracked rib.

I don’t know if any of this made sense…. But I just had to get it off my chest while I was thinking of it.



*~My Mother’s Daughter*~

  1. WOW!!!! i think that you commented far better on the topic than I did! i thank you for your comment. it is greatly appreciated and refreshing! I am inspired for today! Thanks.

  2. I do believe we are adam’s rib, but sometimes its adam that’s broken. I think if a man allows God to guard his heart then no one else can have him. At times a person can have so much held on to debris and gaping wounds in their heart that even though they want what is right in front of their face, they can’t grasp or fully realize it because they themselves are already holding on to hurt. If my hands are full, can I reach out and hold someone’s hand, make a lasting connection? I do not see how. It’s easy to make a surface connection, but the deeper we go into someone’s personal life, the more we encounter each other’s baggage.
    So no, I don’t think anyone can fully guard someone else’s heart. We can love them as much as he/she allows but at the end of the day it’s their responsiblity to open their heart, let go of some of their hangups… yada yada. Sometimes we dont know we are wounded and closed off from receiving the love we yearn for. We just know we want something and keep doing the same things trying to acheive different results..
    I have been warned about making general statements, because we dont know who we might hurt/offend. I dont think his statement was too general.. i think it was wrong. I may be wrong for that matter, but if I am always giving someone what they say they want, and not what they don’t realize they need, I am not fully guarding their heart. Because I can’t. I don’t think a woman is the ultimate answer to a man’s heart being settled/ fulfilled. Nor do I think a man is the Ultimate “guarder” of my heart. I think thats too much responsiblity to put on any human.
    Theoretically if I am the rib that was over Adam’s heart, then adam’s heart was exposed for a reason. .. Maybe to allow God and life to get in there and mature him before I came along to cover him and keep him safe as he keeps me safe.. Either way, I think both Eve and Adam possibly have baggage to work thru. Women may be stereotypically more vocal about it, but we both carry junk and have opportunities in life to allow ourselves to drop our junk and let someone in … or run away. I’m done, love your blog… See you soon.

    All excited about commenting on a Blog for the first time,

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