First and foremost… FUCK WORDPRESS.COM!!!
I wrote a full blog and before I could hit save draft…which I thought that it automatically did anyway…it erased what I wrote and then posted and error message about putting in trash. I don’t even know where the trash button is. So, you don’t get the deep and emotional version.. you will get the “Fuck this Bullshit,. I’m not purging again,bitches” version.
Day 12: 29 Oct 10
Asshole pissed me off the night before, so I needed a ME day…yes, a Me day. I refused to workout so I sat on the couch and I rebraided my hair and decided to moisturize instead of being out in that mess called Howard Homecoming…the locals are a trip. I decided to think deeply into what went wrong with this relationship. I also decided that I was no longer going to be embarrassed by having had a failed relationship. Yes, people…I was happy, he flaked and couldn’t be a man and holdup his end of the bargain even though I was open in my communication and offered him several times. I am okay with that. I am not ashamed nor will I ever be again. I am human, and shit like him happens. But it took the ME day to realize this. So nothing got done.
Day 13: 30 Oct 10
I woke up to asshole asking for one last change to make it up to me. He offered Dinner and a movie and I said, sure. Who am I to deny one last try. But as soon as I realized that he wasnt specific with his plans I knew that this was just another attempt at him trying to play me because he already received the message from me that I couldn’t do this with him any more. I decided that i had taken enough time to sulk and think about my part in this situation. I am only allowed 1 day to sulk, 2 if it hurts, and then I have to keep it moving. I couldn’t let someone who was out partying with his brother and cousins amongst the hoochies in town for HU’s homecoming who happened to not give a shit about me as a human, and damn sure not as a person who he was dating to detour me from my goals.Ihad to reign in my emotions…I had to bring it back in.
I got up and I decided that I was going to make up the missed exercises. I finished the remaining hour that was supposed to have been finished on Day 11. Yes, I sucked it up and I completed it. And then I kept the party going. Jesus & Water/wine style, by doing Leg & Back disc. I didn’t do the Ab Ripper….just didn’t have the energy. I had only eaten 3 eggs for breakfast, and 2 boca burgers on whole grain bread with mustard. I did all of the reps for the Legs & Back routine…and I would post them, but I am too pissed that my last blog write-up was deleted (hits save draft). But I felt so much better when I finished. I could have a moment… I could recollect myself and come back to my goal. I didn’t stay gone for that long. I could have bullshitted an entire blog about what I did do when I didn’t. I could have used my not feeling well ( think it’s a mix of asshole and a cold) as a reason of why I skipped a few days, and the list goes on. But I didnt….I finished. Even if I wasnt blogging, I DID IT FOR ME!!! Finally!!! I am not trying to get fit for anyone else but myself. I am not trying to impress anyone, I am not trying to compare myself to any one…okay I am soooo lying. I don’t want to be the big bitch on the beach next to my friend who is going on my B-day cruise with me…but under it all, I want to do this for me and feel good about myself. And I am proud of that.
I am also proud of how my friend and I walked in boots w/ heels, up hills on HU campus and back down Georgia Avenue, all the way down U Street and ended up at Busboys and Poets for a late dinner. I ate a burger w/ avocado, lettuce, tomato & mozzarella with sweet potato fries. Yes, I had two alcoholic drinks, but I also had only drank water the ENTIRE day. I don’t even have any flavored drinks in my house besides vanilla soy milk and I am even out of that. SO I think that I earned these indulging calories. I was proud that my cardio help up on the walk. My lungs didn’t portray me. My legs didnt call me bitch and go their separate ways. I could tell that I am improving fitness wise.
Day 14: 31 Oct 10
I went to church for the 8 am service and I had a ball! I received some word that made me think and it also made me question. I mean,it isnt church if I dont question something. The guest Pastor Michael Green said, “The purpose of a glass is not to be filled, but rather to be the best glass that it was made to be and being filled is inevitable.” I know that this may be far-fetched…but my purpose is not to be skinny, to be thin bitch trendy…my purpose is to be focused on my purpose and to be healthy and inevitably the slimmer me will follow. I kind of like having that pressure taken off of me. The next step will be for me to find out what my purpose is and then I can go from there. lol. But at least I got a source of wisdom.
I also left and went to brunch at Busboys and Poets ( SHUT UP!!! IT IS MY HOME AWAY FROM HOME!!!) with a friend from church. And between the blasting THRILLER music and dancing zombies between the tables, I had a blast. I actually behaved food wise. I think….lol. I had the french toast, eggs, bacon and bowl of fruit. Oh yeh, and a mimosa. lol. That was all I ate/drank the entire day. I came home thinking that I was going to take an hour nap and it turned into a 6 hour adventure…lol. I then got up and I finished Kenpo X which was supposed to be for Day 13. TODAY…it was supposed to be my rest day. But It was me who decided to rest on Friday… I had to make up the day lost. No excuses!!! No pain, no Losss! (Thanks Mentor…lol) SO once I finished Kenpo I did 35 minutes of the Stretch X before I began to get lightheaded….remember I havent eaten since brunch. But I think that I did well. OUtside of my right hip sciatica acting up…. I feel good. I kicked at my imaginary asshole and any other assholes who think that they can try me. I yelled that I am worthy of love and being love. I was worthy of health and fitness and my making up these routines was me telling the universe to go fuck itself with a small penis with erectile dysfunction! My knees are popping on squats but I keep it moving. I kept it moving when my hip was hurting. I didnt even give myself time to think whether it was pain or just a moment of challenge. But I kept it moving!!! I had to stop though on the spine roll because there was a clicking sound when I rolled up on my tail bone….and I dont think that hurt feeling was worth the stretch.I know I will stop before I injure myself…but today just wasnt that day. I made it up to myself!! I made myself get up and work out! ANd I did it! I DID IT!!!
I also decided to get up and cook fajitas for lunch tomorrow. Not that much steak, but tons of onions, green and yellow/red bell peppers, and tortillas. They are small tortillas and so I wont be eating that much…and I am proud of that. Now I just have to make sure that I can figure out what my snacks will be tomorrow. But I am sure I will figure it out. Ialso have decided to do Doubles this week. NOT P90X’s Double…but my version of double. For Example, I may do Hip Hop Abs in the morning and then come home and workout to P90X in the evening. I just want to speed up the results. I have lost 2 inches in my waist in 2 weeks ( 43 to 41 inches) and I have lost an inch & a half in my hips ( 47 to 45.5). I have stopped looking at the scale because it isnt saying what I want it to say, but the loss of inches is making me smile on the inside. I will see myself through this. 76 more days ( check the math) left and I will have completed my longest stint of my life with a fitness program!!!! And even though this version doesnt seem as deep as my other version. I hope that you got something out of it. It is not easy. It is not a walk in the park with roses. This is tear dropping, sweat creating, wall and excuse busting routines that you have to have a mindset to complete. I am proud that I even chose this program. Well….I’ll go to bed now… I have to wake up in a few hours.
P.S. Please leave a message. Your email will NOT be posted with your comment. And people who read and dont leave comments are internet Niggas! Yes, I said it. voyeurs!!! I write because I need to get it out….but even if you hit the “LIKE” button,or the Twitter Button…the Facebook button.. SOMETHING!!! We have to get out of this anti-social social medium. Just speak. You speaking motivates me. Thanks.
Sincerely,
~*My Mother’s Daughter*~
~*2Deep*~ Uncensored! 