~*2Deep*~

Archive for October 21st, 2010|Daily archive page

P90X Journey: Day 4 (Yoga)

In P90X Journey on 21 October 2010 at 8:21 pm

There are not enough cuss words in the English dictionary for me to express how I feel about this entire session. I was actually excited about working out. I dont do Yoga, I dont like Yoga, yet I was ready to do this workout. THIS SHIT IS BORING AS HELL!!!!

First off, this workout is like an hour and a half!!!!! What happened to the one hour sessions? That messed with my mental stamina to begin with. Then having nothing to face but my breathing and Tony Horton’s voice is like death. I don’t sit still long enough in my room to hear myself think and yet they want me to do it while struggling? I beg to differ dear crackheads of Beach Body!!!!

I made it on and off to about 43 minutes left in the program before I got up and answered a phone call from my homegirl. Just bored. Then I joined back in for the core/balancing exercises and found those familiar. Well I be damn……it was because it wasnt familiar. Wow…. just typed that into realization. But the strange part cam when I just busted into tears in the middle of the half boat. I mean full-out baby bawling. And in the middle I mumbled to myself that I deserve to be able to do this, I want to be able to do this. I think I just had my first fitness breakthrough.

The other workouts keep me moving, keep me motivated and keep me so busy that I don’t really think about me. Yoga showed me my weakness and I dont like it. It hurt my pride and made me face the fact that I am out of shape. That reality sucks butt like Pookie looking for a fix. I think this was just the first of many to come. I will have to force myself on the next Yoga day to push through every position…every pose, every salutation. I just want to succeed at this. I am afraid of failing at Yoga…of all things, YOGA! Fudge your Nomaste! Okay, that was a bit harsh. How about. Nom dat hoe, rang dat hooooooe!

Okay, all jokes aside. This just made me vulnerable. I make a vow that next Yoga day I will do EVERY pose. Even if I have to do the variation or modified version….I will have to bring it. I originally felt that this was a fail….but I got something out of it. I came face to face with both failure and success all in the middle of a workout. The fear of failing at another fitness program and the possibility of succeeding and becoming fit and facing my fears of being just another fit girl. But that is an entirely different blog.

Well, let me get dressed and head out to The Park with my crew….take my mind off of this. I also need food…lol. Thanks for reading. I needed to vent. Better luck tomorrow.

I Don’t Like You, B/C Its Me

In Random Mannerisms & Thoughts on 21 October 2010 at 12:26 am

 

        If there ever was a time to say, “it’s not you, its me” this would be the perfect opportunity. I am perfectly aware that there are people who I just cannot stand because they possess some of the very traits that I either once had or still have within my personality. Or in the extreme case, I just don’t like them because I don’t want to obtain that trait so I stay as far away from them as possible. But this is a truth. I can be honest and say that there are things that I don’t like about myself, and once I see them in you… you need to get the hell on.

        For starters, I talk a LOT. I talk more than my share of oxygen should ever allow in one exhale, but I like to receive the most precise information and nothing more. Once you tell me the shortest, to the point, and informative information….shut the hell up. If I ask you were you are, your response should be “In the car, on 495 South, headed to Woodbridge.”  I do NOT want to hear that you “maybe on your way to see your boyfriend, after you swing past your mama’s house for some cheesecake, but your brother pissed you off so you don’t know when you might make it to wherever it is that people who give two shits about this babbling nonsense happen to be.” If you read that previous run-on….shoot yourself! I HATE IT! You lost me after the first 10 seconds. I need the Twitter version. The held at gunpoint edition. Which ever version will get out your answer in 140 or less without me getting so frustrated that I put a bullet in your lingual muscle. Less is ALWAYS more unless you are a man with a “length deficiency”.  In succinct form….HIT THE BREAKS, TRICK! ZIP IT! Answer me or shut up!!!!!!!

        Secondly, I once was and still am a very vulnerable woman when it comes to guys. I have made mistakes that I can’t take back but lessons came along with those impromptu exams. I wear my medals of insecurity proudly as I walk with my head held high, but it seriously irks the living feces out of me to see another female dictate her existence through which man is currently in her life. Maybe a part of me is envious that they live a lifestyle that I don’t, but it should never reach a point to where people closest to you cannot figure out which guy you are talking about because you boast about being with so many. It doesn’t scream playa, it screams played. It screams insecure woman searching for something that she’s either never had or hasn’t had in a while, but above all….she doesn’t have it. A woman who has it or doesnt need the validation is very secretive if nothing else. But I remember the days when I bragged and showboated, took pictures with and was constantly in contact with a guy because it made me feel wanted, it let others think that I was wanted, but it was never meant to show the world that I was a lonely girl looking for something and ended up with nothing more than A.M. Hoe Strolls, After Hour Creep-ins, and random phone calls to wait to hear him tell me how much he cared. Been there, cried that. So these days, after trial and error…I lose respect for people who behave in my old habits. I didn’t say I was right in doing so, I just said that I could admit that I do. And though my jovial moments can prove quite “out there” when it comes to expressing myself, I know my limits, and those limits include refraining from processing the endorphins needed to like a person who behaves aformentionably. Is that a word? Okay, it is now.

        Thirdly, I love hard, sometimes…okay since we’re being honest…all the time to a fault. Therefore, I can tell when someone is trying too hard to win over my affection. I can tell when a man is looking for a mate, any mate, and not particularly me. I also know when a guy is pulling away out of fear, the that this session of affection may be unconditional and could actually work. This causes me to be turned off by guys who reach for my hand after only meeting me for a second time, or the guy who tries to kiss me because he is thinking of his own lust rather than me being comfortable or even liking him enough to make the attempt. I cringe at a guy giving me pet names because he thinks that I would like it, rather than thinking that it is too soon and we are not that close yet. Or a guy who will take all of my dismissals as me playing hard to get because they want ….by default…me. I’ve been there, and I know the outcome of such a desperate expression and thereby am turned off by it just as well. This could connect back with my second reason as well, especially since I am on a continuous journey to believe that one day someone will love me for the wonderful and amazing person that I am and not by default. So maybe, just maybe, this could be my new defense mechanism to help uphold that belief. Who knows! Whatever the reason, I don’t like it in other people.

        Lastly, I hate a hypocrite. I hate people who live in straw houses mounted on the San Andres Fault giving out advice while playing golf in the living room. You know the person, the kind who will be in a very jacked up situation and will tell someone else how not to put up with the very same situation. I’ve been there. I’ve told friends to workout and get healthy while I slumped back in my depression because I couldn’t find support. I’ve told other women how not to put up with abusive situations and allowed myself to be in a form that I considered less harmful than the one I was supposedly curing. Human nature, I guess. But it puts the nastiest taste in my mouth to hear someone else preach their own needed parable. Jesus couldnt….or wouldnt save himself…so I guess we shouldnt expect to do it either. But hopefully one day this one wont bother me so much.

        So, no… I don’t think that I hate you, per say, but more so… I hate what I see in you; me. Sounds harsh, but what a beautiful revelation to say out loud. SO if you are loud, if you are quiet, if you are afraid to succeed, if you love wholeheartedly, love to fight, quick to anger, and don’t question those who preach God incorrectly to their face……Yeh….I may not get along with you. It’s not you….it really is me. *Smirk* Not the blog you thought it would be, huh?  I cant stand it when people assume either….lol.

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

P90X Journey: Day 3

In P90X Journey on 21 October 2010 at 12:24 am

Oh…okay… so this is how its suppose to work?

Each day a different body part is screaming and calling me out of my name. Just disrespectful! I don’t hurt as much as I thought that I would and I am afraid that I may not be doing things correctly. I don’t do what I can’t do but I keep moving. If it hurts, I say, “Phuket” and keep it moving. But will I see results? I am in NO way cheating on this. I do moves until it burns and then I do one or two more reps beyond the “Phuket” moment.

By the way, Phuket is a country…lol.

So, this morning I woke up and headed to work and realized that someone had the nerve to bust out my passenger side window. Yes, this butt munch broke into my truck to steal a Blackberry Charger, and mp3 Charger, and the manual booklet case probably because it looks like a cd case. That’s all. The dumbest part was that there was nothing in my truck to steal ( but they thought the chargers were attached to stuff) and my driver’s side window was rolled down. So I had to pay $300 to have a window replaced by Safelite and not a damn thing was stolen!!!!!! But even as I sit here….I am not really upset, just confused by sheer stupidity. But as the cops finger printed my truck, I sat there and made jokes. The cops, my insurance company, and the Safelite rep all mentioned that I was too happy for someone who had just had this happen. I said on my Facebook page that there had to be a lesson in this. The lessons were that it is just material, nothing was stolen and you can replace anything that may have been & I did. The other lesson was that nothing can steal my joy unless I allow it. I believe that working out has upped my happiness. I like working out.

SO I stayed in the house all day. My diet sucked because I didn’t have anywhere to go…..so I didn’t burn that much energy and all I had to eat was 3 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon, some string cheese & a McDonald’s chicken club sandwich w/ fries and a Sprite. Blame that one on my boo… he mentioned it and I went and got it. I have to remember that he is ripped and constantly plays basketball…. I don’t, this will go through his system like water, but mine’s wont. But the damage is done and there is nothing that I can do but learn from it.

My boo came over around 4pm. We cuddled on the couch and watched Get Him to the Greek ( RETARDINGLY STUPID YET HILARIOUS MOVIE!!!). I got to be all romantic and he massaged my shoulders and then he left when he found out that I hadn’t worked out yet. DAMN THIS GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM!!! He knew I would have kept vegging out…lol. But I thank him for the support even though he keeps telling me that he likes me just the way that I am. He too understands that this is for me.

So, 9pm came around and I popped in the Shoulders & Tricep w/ Ab Ripper dvd. Okay…first off the Shoulders and Tricep workout was touch and an hour all by itself…and just when you cool down and think it is all said and done…. they pop up with the Ab Ripper X snippet at the end. DEVIL WORSHIPPERS!!!! I was already to turn off the disc and keep it moving…lol

My stats for the shoulder dvd which I did with a medium resistance band is (numbers in [#] are for the second round of reps):

  • Shoulder Press: 10 [16]
  • In-out Bicep curls: 16 [17]
  • Tricep Kickbacks: 15 [20]
  • Swimmer’s Press: 15 [10]
  • Supination Curl: 20 sets [20 sets]
  • Chair Dips: 15 [16]
  • Upright row: 15 [20]
  • Static Arm Curls: 16 [16]
  • Twist Kickback: 10 [12]
  • Seated Shoulder Fly: 16 [16]
  • Crouching Cohen Curls: 4 [20 with a vicious ass BURN]
  • Lying Down Tricep extensions: 10 [12 OUCH!]

Then there was the EXTRA workout session

  • Straight Arm Shoulder Fly: 16[16]
  • Congdon Curl: 20 [20]
  • Side Tri Rise: 8 (left)/ 10 (right) [12 (left)/16 (right) SPEED IS KEY!]

Yes….this is when I thought that I was done… until the Ab Ripper X segment snuck its way onto the screen. These were the longest 16 minutes of my life. Each exercise was “suppose” to have 25 reps. This workout went like this:

  • In & Outs: 25
  • Bicycles: 20  (BURN!!!)
  • Reverse Bicycles: NONE
  • Crunchy Frog: 15 (BURN!!!)
  • Fifer Scissors: 15
  • Hip Rock & Raises: 13 ( Back of hip & thighs BURNS!)
  • Pulse Ups: 20 ( w/ bent knees)
  • V-up/Roll up ( NONE….lower back & right hip hurt too badly. Replaced w/ leg raised crunches)
  • Oblique V-ups: 13 (rt), 16 (lft)
  • Leg Climb: 9 (lft), 8 (rt)
  • Mason twist: 10 ( not touching the floor completely)

So, let me tell you something about the V-up segment. I tried, and tried, and tried, and tried. No matter how hard I tried, I could not even muster up enough momentum to sit up. And when I did there was a pinch in my lower back/right hip region. It got to me. I almost had a melt down. I almost cried at how fat I was that I couldn’t even do a Roll Up…eat them? Yes, but do them… no. I layed there for a second fighting back full-blown tears and then sucked it up and put my legs in the air and decided to do crunches. I hate feeling like that. I can’t do all of the exercises, but I try…and the fact that I couldn’t even try this one took a chunk out of my pride. I will do this one even if it kills me.

So when it was all said and done, I decided to stretch. I NEVER STRETCH! And it felt good to stretch out, but as soon as I sat up and leaned back….. I felt like I was an old woman with a slipped disc. I am sitting on the couch with a pillow behind my back. It kills me how I hurt directly after the workout, but in the morning I feel so wonderful. Okay…. that is all that I have to say about this. I MIGHT work out in 5 hours before work because I want to go to bed early tomorrow night and be rested for Friday. I’m proud of myself that I am on Day 3 with no stop in my near future. I may want to add my gym membership in the mix and run to pick up my cardio. Who knows… I just am happy I am moving every day. We’ll see in 25 days if I have done enough to see results. Okay… enough…and off to bed!

Sincerely,

~*My Mother’s Daughter*~

 

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