Please, Pose In Rememberance of Me!!!

Ladies,

Ever turned on your PC/Mac, the computer and not the make-up, just wanting to cruise profile pics of a bunch of guys, or even innocently clicked on a profile to see who sent you the random and rather pointless “Poke”? Or have you ever been too afraid to open up an email while at work because you have no clue what kind of profile pic will pop up, or can’t bare to stomach being accosted by a too proud guy who has too much faith in his “God can’t be that cruel to give that as a gift to women” kind of body? Well, have no fear… I AM HERE. I, too, hate having this world be filled with guys who have no CLUE what it is that women want when it comes to internet introductions and profile presentations. Hopefully, this blog will help you. Women of the Jury I present to you……

Exhibit A: The good old Bike, pet, wall, random scenary..everything BUT a picture of who owns the page?

Fellas: This makes us wonder what you look like, but not in a good way. We don’t see the bike, and only a hoodrat/gold digger would ever care what kind of car or truck you drive. If you in fact want a real woman…..post a real picture of yourself. Pictures like this scream “Bike for Sale” or ugly dude trying to seduce me with this bike that he’s…putting up for sale. Either way, this is NOT doing whatever it is that you think it should do in order to get you a girl. This to us is the equivalent of a fat girl only taking pics from the chest up…. she’s hiding something and doesn’t want us to see it. Well… since you don’t want us to see it, why should we waste our time trying to get to know you? Being yourself is the best thing that you can be. If you post a real picture I will promise to tell the ladies to wear their real hair at least once a month so you can know what grade of hair your future children may inherit. Deal?

Exhibit B: The thug that’s too hard for the hood and has hood credit on a black card. The kind of guy who always has the pic filled with liquor, weed, other drug related references, t-shirts, posters, etc and may actually partake in the activity in the midst of taking a photo…yeh…. screams sexy doesn’t it?

Fellas: Really?!!!! You must ONLY want to be with weed heads, crack heads, chicken heads, bobble heads, potato heads….anything with a head.  Looking at this makes me wonder if I have loss any brain cells due to second-hand viewing. My name should be Gonorrhea, pronounced Go-nor-ray…get it right!, I should have 6.75 children & this is my 8th baby daddy. This to a REAL woman would get passed in a heartbeat. This is like a big butt to a caucasian woman…UNWANTED AND DEFINITELY NOT CUTE! You have visually taken away any sex appeal. A woman is now thinking about how gross it would be to kiss you because your kisses would taste like either weed or tobacco…sooo nasty. And I know we’re not to judge a book by its cover… but you have made the cover of this book so unappealing that I could care less what the book is about because if you don’t care about the cover, the content between the binders can’t be all that fulfilling either. First impressions are lasting impressions and this say HOOOOOOOOOOD! As in the mentality and not the place… you can live in the hood and turn out very well, but a hood mentality is nothing to brag about….not at this level anyway. This actually breaks my heart to see….NEXT.

Exhibit C: The riffle toting man branding himself un[F]witable as he holds his manhood in his hand, praying that no one researches his nonexistent gun license.

Fellas: Nothing says “Loving” like my Toasters Strudel & a sawed-off shotgun! *Pillsbury Doughboy laugh* Yeh, FAUX News posts news reels daily of guys who have lost their mind when their girl revokes access to the cookie. Guys stabbing, shooting, setting ablaze,bar-b-queing, and even boiling and serving for dinner a current or ex-girlfriend. I HIGHLY doubt that this would attract too many SANE girlfriends. If a girl asks you out from this picture alone, call the cops because she is planning to either set you up or kill you for an insurance policy. The appropriate way to display your pride in your gun collection is umm…. to NOT display it. Mention it on your profile, once you talk with the girl and get comfortable & see that she can handle you as a person and your love for the outdoors…THEN you ask her if it is okay to reveal a photo of you with a gun. Girls look at stuff like that far differently than guys do. You want a welcoming picture and not a “Jason asked Cheney if he could borrow his riffle” kind of pic. Women like a protector, but a protector from other things and not always posed to shoot her if she decided to surprise you with a kinky round of cops and robbers and winds up with a shell, not her undies, on the ground and a round in her butt [finish joke here].I don’t see YOU in this pic. I see a gun that I think you already love more than any woman who would enter your world. Is there a medical term for people who have intimate relationships with artillery?

Exhibit D: The “Not Quite Him” Guy: The guy who looks one way, swears in his head that he looks another way but denial has yet to be a word he can spell without assistance. You have to see the examples to know what I mean.

The Guy who was brave enough to take this pic even though he looks like THIS, because somewhere deep down in his disillusioned mind someone, or himself, said that he looks like…..

WAIT….

WAIT….

WAIT….

WAIT……

WAIT….

WAIT….

WAIT….

WAIT……

Okay now you can look……

They swore that he looked like THIS! Yes, THIS!

GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!! I posted that pic and forgot where I was headed with this entire blog entry. Give me a minute for I have sinned-ed!!!!!!!! *Drools…….I should have kept up with his profile… [Blaspheme] smh.

I’m going to really have to take time away from this blog because I am really blank after that pic. All jokes aside… brb. lmbo!

LMBO!

.

ROTFL

.

ROTFLMBO

.

CTFU

.

ROTFCTFU

.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And any other combination of acronyms that you could come up with. Yes, I too am laughing at the fact that people who have NOOOOO business posing have the guts to post stuff like that. I know what he thought. The Top guy in Exhibit C was proud in his manhood.

Fellas: He forgot a very , VERY, very important lesson to remember…and that is that women are more MENTAL and not visual creatures like men. He is thinking from a MAN’s standpoint with this picture. You have taken away any fantasy that a woman may have by showing her what you ACTUALLY have….and I promise you what she was thinking was far better. Male strippers don’t have to work nor strip as hard as females because the male dancers know how to feed women a fantasy of what he has. Everyone knows he has a fluffer in the back and the list goes on….DONT TAKE AWAY MY FANTASY! Where this guy went wrong: 1. You have offended innocent women who did not ask to be flashed with an imprint of your genital area. 2. You have now told me what you think is the best thing that you have to offer. 3. If the smallest “area” of your entire being is the best that you have to offer why should I continue to try to get to know you? 4. Thanks for pushing any by standing children and teenagers into or further into puberty than had been planned by their parents. 5. Thanks for giving me hours of Twitter commentary and TwitPics. 6. How much self-esteem must you have that you do not care who has access to view your body….so even you don’t really view your “prized jewel” as a real gift. Since ANY woman viewing your page can see it…why should I think it was anything special for me to have? 7. Well at LEAST I know you’re not homophobic b/c ANYONE can view your pic. So you’re open minded…there’s one plus. 8. I had nothing else… I just hate odd numbers.lol.

So In conclusion……..

Fellas: Women still love to be wooed. We love for you to be fully clothed, on your best behaviour and putting your BEST foot forward. Majority of the pictures that we ACTUALLY see I couldn’t and WOULDNT post on my blog…well not today anyway. lol. But all of the pics I come across look as if you are more concerned with what your “boys” will think is cool if they saw your profile and has no regard whatsoever about what a possible prospective girlfriend would think if she looked at it. If your “boys” matter to you so much….. DATE YOUR BOYS! If that is not how you swing….and you genuinely and solely love women, present yoruself in a masculine manner that appeals to women; it can be done. Clean your bedroom up in the background. DONT POST A GROUP PHOTO AS YOUR PROFILE PIC!!!!! Dress in your every day gear but make sure you’re not sagging like a kid, write in proper sentences, use Punctuation and Capital letters…but not ALL CAPITAL LETTERS UNLESS YOU ARE YELLING OR MAKING A POINT! I’m not the best at punctuation, but please at least write in a way that shows me you are intelligent, made it past the 6th grade, and actually wish to impress me with your best. First impressions are all that we get sometimes…and just because this is the internet doesn’t mean that you get to rest on how you speak with a person. I’ll attack everything else in another blog… but this will bring you more REAL women in the meantime if you make these small profile pic changes. Trust me…..NOTHING ABOVE really attracted me..okay well the guy with the tatts made me forget a few things, but honestly I like the boy next door… a guy that looks like ummmm THIS:

 Beautiful smile…. simple. I know what he looks like, and although I don’t know him…. there is enough mystery here for me to send him a Wink, Poke, or a smiley face. He isn’t trying too hard to impress me, and I like that; a guy who is confident…or at least appears to be…in his own skin enough to the point where this pic was the one he chose to represent him. THIS is what will draw more women in than anything else you will ever hear your boys tell you women are attracted to. If you didn’t hear it from the kind of woman you are trying to attract…its a lie! So…. go remove those pics and post better ones. Happy Profiling!

Jury…court is adjourned

~My Mother’s Daughter

Sweetest Thing I’ve Never Known

With all my respect, I thank you....

 

The First of September, while on my bed watching a documentary…I heard my cry. It didn’t come from my own lips, but more so my soul. Actually, it was Obba Babatundé speaking of the talented beauty in the picture above. I was mesmerized, have been captivated by her professional career for years. Every since Halle Berry graced the big screen as her I’ve been convinced that she was far better than Doris Day & Marilyn put together. She was a sure tie for natural beauty with Lena Horne and could hold a torch to any actress without question.  

Yet there I laid, on my side, head tilted witnessing the skeletons of her closet being excavated from a few decades of being hidden behind speculation and pain. How could such beauty survive such a past? More than a diamond in a rough or Pluto still holding on to its planet status while others demoted it to just a star, she was grand far beyond her experiences. We lost an amazing woman who had regular problems like the rest of us. But the gut wrencher for me was when Joe Adams spoke of her loneliness.  

Joe spoke on how she kept to herself when she wasnt on stage. I do the same. He spoke of how she was nervous when going before a camera or on a stage to the point that she wouldn’t eat or would get sick to her stomach. I do as well. He even mentioned how he once told her that any man would love to court her and take her out to dinner. I’ve heard that one before too. She then asked, “Well, have you ever wanted to take me out to dinner and the movies?”  To which he replied, “Why of course. But I never got the nerve to actually do it.” This beauty replied, “Joe, you are one of the more aggressive men that I know, and if you thought that way….imagine how everyone else must feel.”  Touche.  

I’m not her, nor could I ever be….but that is how I feel sometimes. I was raised to be an independent woman, wrapped in my world. Told to never be in NEED of a man but rather in WANT of one should the right one come along. Have something to bring to the table when the time is right and all should be okay, was the legend of Courted Women Past. But as the years go by I’ve heard a guy tell me that I’m intimidating, I’m not intimidating but aggressive. <~confusing, right? One actually …and literally laughed in my face when I protested that I, too, wish to be dainty and treated as such from time to time. He said, “You? Dainty?” (Insert a hearty baritone laugh here) “You are not dainty and couldn’t be if you tried.” Another went so far as to say that the reason he wouldn’t date me was, and I quote verbatim, “because I’ve got my [stuff] TOO MUCH together.”  Others assume that several other guys are knocking my door down so they don’t bother. Well, in fact my door is being knocked upon, but not by anyone with any substance or quality worth grabbing ,yet alone holding, my attention. If this beauty had trouble obtaining the proper discernment when it came to guys… how am I to ever succeed?  

So, as the documentary was coming to an end I took the pic above, which surprisingly looks like Janet Jackson, and marveled at her legend. I wrapped my arms around the racial barriers that she broke ,leaned across and created a bridge for us to walk upon to the other side to witness the entertainment achievements she captured… and there, I saw more than a beauty. I saw one of God’s children who walked my path long before I was an X Chromosome waiting for its twin. I saw a woman fighting to be who she was in a world who had a preconceived notion of who she should have been. I saw a woman who wanted love and had everything but…..because I know what it feels like to have the very thing [love] you want winds up being the very thing that hurts you, takes from you, and still feel like you would rather take the abuse than be alone.  

I wonder if she approves of her skeletons being unearthed. I wonder if she would tell her story the same way or if she would tell it at all. I wonder if she could give me pointers on how to overcome it with the same poise and grace as she. Because if I’ve learned anything it would be that I, much like her, am much more than surface…more than what your eyes could ever behold and the juicy stuff is what is unspoken. I want to thank her for speaking for me, willingly or indirectly; I had a voice through her and not vice versa. Her story is my story. So….. Thank you, Dorothy Dandridge….you are more than a beauty…you are the sweetest thing I’ve never known, but yet feel that I’ve known.  

Sincerely,  

My Mother’s Daughter